Sometimes it's hard to hear.

We've been learning about effective and ineffective listening skills in my communications class for the last two weeks, and my teacher shared this quote by Richard Branson with us: "Effective listening is a skill that underpins all positive human relationships. Spend some time thinking about and developing your listening skills. They are the building blocks of success."

This quote really resonated with me, especially the part where he said listening skills "are the building blocks of success." It is almost impossible for anyone to go anywhere in this world if they don't have effective listening skills. Why? People want to be heard and understood. If you aren't hearing or understanding, they will stop communicating with you.

This last week, we have discussed seven ineffective ways of listening (though I am sure there are more). We have also discussed that listening is an active skill and needs to be consistently worked on. Here's a few of the ineffective listening skills we've discussed that I think are probably the most common:

Ineffective Listening Skill #1: Evaluative Listening

Evaluative listeners spend the whole time you are talking evaluating and judging what you are saying. They will either agree or disagree with your statement, and could even agree AND disagree using the phrase, "Yes, but..."

Ineffective Listening Skill #2: Defensive Listening

Defensive listeners feel the need to defend themselves and justify everything they say by also using the phrase "Yes, but...". They find anything different than their point of view a threat. They only want to defend their opinions and perspective.

Ineffective Listening Skill #3: Authoritative Listening

Authoritative listeners listen to respond or give advice. They often use phrases like, "You should..." or "You need..." and don't really care about what you have said; only that they have an answer to your problem.

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In contrast to these ineffective listening skills, I found three effective listening skills that you can use to increase your listening skills.

Effective Listening Skill #1: Empathetic Listening

Empathetic listeners put themselves in your shoes and listen to give you emotional support and show that they understand where you are coming from. People feel In my personal opinion, if you can only work on one listening skill, I would pick this one.

Effective Listening Skill #2: Insightful Listening

It's important to insure that any questions you ask the speaker are intended to help clarify understanding of what the speaker is talking about. You should be asking questions to make sure you and the speaker are on the same page. 

Effective Listening Skill #3: Responsive Listening

Try to show that you understand where the speaker is coming from. Paraphrase what you think they've been saying, or just nod and encourage them to keep talking (as long as you are still paying attention). Be as engaging as you can without taking over the conversation.

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Listening is a really hard skill to learn and practice. You have to be an active listener in all aspects of your life, and sometimes it's really hard to listen to others and pay attention to what they are talking about, especially in this day and age. The world is full of noise, and it's hard to find quiet.

God is always speaking to us. We need to learn how to listen and distinguish His voice from the voices of the world, but He is always trying to communicate with us. He speaks to each of us differently, but He is always trying to let us know He cares. My teacher invited us to look at 3 Nephi 11:3–7:

3 And it came to pass that while they were thus conversing one with another, they heard a voice as if it came out of heaven; and they cast their eyes round about, for they understood not the voice which they heard; and it was not a harsh voice, neither was it a loud voice; nevertheless, and notwithstanding it being a small voice it did pierce them that did hear to the center, insomuch that there was no part of their frame that it did not cause to quake; yea, it did pierce them to the very soul, and did cause their hearts to burn.

4 And it came to pass that again they heard the voice, and they understood it not.

5 And again the third time they did hear the voice, and did open their ears to hear it; and their eyes were towards the sound thereof; and they did look steadfastly towards heaven, from whence the sound came.

6 And behold, the third time they did understand the voice which they heard; and it said unto them:

7 Behold my Beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased, in whom I have glorified my name—hear ye him.

God is always speaking to us. We need to learn how to listen and distinguish His voice from the voices of the world, but He is always trying to communicate with us. Like the Nephites in this passage, we might not understand at first, but if we continue to listen, open our ears, and open our hearts, we will be able to better understand and hear Him.

Xoxo

Mattie

Life is hard, but that's why God gave us mothers.

Happy Mother's Day! I am so thankful for my mother! She has sacrificed so much for my family, and for me. I am so grateful for her love and support, and her example to me.

I am grateful for the teachings of the prophets on women and motherhood. In the October 2018 Women's Session of General Conference, President Russell M. Nelson, "Every woman is a mother by virtue of her eternal divine destiny." He goes on to discuss how special the influence of women is on the world, and how we tend to think of others first, and how things that we do will affect people.

In the October 2017 General Conference, Sister Joy D. Jones, second counselor in the Primary General Presidency, shared a quote from President Spencer W. Kimball, who said, "God is your Father. He loves you. He and your Mother in Heaven value you beyond any measure.  ... You are unique. One of a kind, made of the eternal intelligence which gives you claim upon eternal life. Let there be no question in your mind about your value as an individual. The whole intent of the gospel plan is to provide an opportunity for each of you to reach your fullest potential, which is eternal progression and the possibility of godhood." She then went on to discuss the difference between worth and worthiness. Our worth–as a child of God, as a human, as a person–is unchanging. He loves us, and when we value ourselves as He does, we can learn and grow immensely, because we are able to see ourselves as He does.

In the April 2016 General Conference, Sister Neill F. Marriott, second counselor in the Young Women General Presidency, quotes Elder Orson F. Whitney, who said, "All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, ... purifies our hearts ... and makes us more tender and charitable, ... and it is through ... trial and tribulation, that we gain the education ... which will make us more like our Father and Mother in Heaven." She said, "The Lord's Church needs Spirit-directed women who use their unique gifts to nurture, to speak up, and to defend gospel truth. Our inspiration and intuition are necessary parts of building the kingdom of God, which really means doing our part to bring salvation to God's children." I love this quote, because I know so many women who are so, so special, spiritual, nurturing, and intelligent. They are wonderful examples to me of how to listen to the promptings of the Spirit, and how to be loving and nurturing. 

Mothers that I know and love have often shared with me how inadequate they feel, and how they feel like they are failing their children, and their Father in Heaven, who entrusted these precious souls of His to them. I am going to tell you one thing:

YOU ARE ENOUGH. 

All that you have to offer your family is enough. Your children need your influence, and your love and support. Not only that, but those around you need your love and support. There have been many, many, many women in my life who have been mothers to me–even if they weren't mothers, and even if they weren't married. 

I have had women in my life who were my roommates, and they mothered me as often as I needed it. They loved me, and cared for me, but it was just natural. They didn't go out of their way to do it. They just did it. They listened, loved, and served me.

I have had women in my life who were leaders at church, or one of the bishopric member's wives, and they mothered me and gave me so much love–I always felt loved and at home, even when I wasn't at home. 

I have had all kinds of women in my life who have mothered me, and they all listened, loved, and served me–and THAT is motherhood. Listening, loving, and serving; that's all there is to it! I am so grateful for the women in my life who have made time for me, and who have blessed me, and helped me.

I hope that, as I have been growing and learning in the last few years, and as I have served and helped those in my life, I hope that I blessed their life as much as the women in my life have blessed my life.

Life is hard, but that is why God gave us MOTHERS! 💜

Happy Mother's Day!

Xoxo

Mattie