Sunday, August 18, 2019

Answers to prayers.

Today I made a conscious effort to write down the things that I want to improve on this week. Most of them are personal, so I will not share them, but I will say that one improvement I want to make is to be able to be more patient with my kiddos at work. Sometimes it is exhausting trying to teach them and get them to listen, and I get frustrated a lot, but I want to be better at being patient and more loving towards them.

During the sacrament, I was thinking about how grateful I am for the Atonement, and for the chance to repent and start again. For the chance to press the reset button and try again. Every week I need to try again. So I am grateful for my Savior, who has given me the chance to do so.

In Sunday School, someone brought up the fact that God has a measuring stick for each of us, and I thought that that was really inspiring. We measure ourselves differently than He does, and there are a few moments where we measure things similarly to Him, but more often than not, His measures are different than ours. 

Despite the fact that I will not be starting school this week or in a few weeks like some people, I am still feeling very stressed about the fact that I am teaching! I'm grateful for the opportunity, I really am, but sometimes I don't feel very capable or even worthy to teach these kiddos. It amazes me each and every day how I even got here.

Friday was a different day at work–we had to do some makeshift stuff and move kids around. My kids all got moved, and one of my kids got moved to a different class and he had a really hard time. It broke my heart when I went in to give one of my coworkers a break because he was crying and also so happy to see me because he thought we were going back to class. When I left, he was still crying. Somehow this experience was all sorts of heartbreaking. One: he was so sad, and I couldn't help him feel less sad. 2) When I walked in, he was so happy to see me. It broke my heart because I was so sad to see him sad, but I was so happy that I was someone that he was starting to feel comfortable with. 

Lately I've been reading/listening to General Conference talks, and this week I read "Answers to Prayer" by Elder Brook P. Hales, and he said, "Brothers and sisters, sometimes our prayers are answered quickly with the outcome we hope for. Sometimes our prayers are not answered in the way we hope for, yet with time we learn that God had greater blessings prepared for us than we initially anticipated. And sometimes our righteous petitions to God will not be granted in this life." 

Right now, I feel like my prayers are not being answered in the way that I hoped they would be, and I am trying to learn to be okay with that but it's harder than I expected it would be. I'm looking into adding new hobbies to my repertoire and I have a few ideas but absolutely no idea how to do them yet. But first, I have to tackle my room. I've been working on it all summer but I've also been busy all summer so it is taking me longer than I planned, but I am hopeful that I will be able to get it done this week if I work on it every day after work.

Then, once my physical life (work, my room, etc.) is prepared and all cleaned up, I can work on adding new hobbies. Slowly, and one at a time. And who knows, maybe I won't be able to get into the hobbies I'm thinking about right now, but maybe they'll open my eyes to other hobbies.

I am grateful for friends who are the answers to my prayers, and I am grateful for a God who knows the people and answers that I need. I am lucky to have so many amazing and wonderful people in my life and I am grateful for the blessings that they are in my life, and for the blessings that they add to my life.

I know that God loves me, and I know that He is looking out for me. In His own special way, He is making sure that I have what I need in life. 

Hopefully this week goes well for us all! Good luck with those who are dealing with back to school stuff–you got this!!

Xoxo
Mattie

Sunday, August 11, 2019

Becoming okay with being me.

The best part of this week was when my kiddos at work hugged me goodbye as I was walking out the door on Thursday. 🥰🥰🥰 They'd never done that before and it made me feel really special, and like I've been making progress with getting them to feel comfortable with me. 💜

The next best part of this week was when I was talking with a friend and had the realization of how precious time is, and how much of a gift it is. 💜

The next best part of this week was when I had the opportunity to go to the temple and one of the temple workers said I looked like a little porcelain doll and thanked me for my service that day. She was such a sweet woman who made me feel like I was loved and seen, and I know she was a blessing from my Heavenly Father. 💜

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Life isn't easy. Sometimes life is very hard. I'm trying to figure out how to move forward even when I feel very stuck. It's a lot more difficult than I thought it would be, and every day presents new challenges. But as I keep my covenants, and turn to the Lord, I know that in time, things will work out.

In time, things will make sense. In time, I won't feel so stuck. "In time" has been one of my least favorite sayings recently, but I have recently realized that it can be a blessing. Now, I say this, and know it, but during the week, when things pop up, it becomes harder for me to remember. This happens a lot, actually, with lots of different things, and I can't figure out why, nor how I can help myself fix it. I've tried everything that I can think of, and still nothing has worked yet.

I think that what I have planned for my personal scripture study this week will help, but if not...I will keep going. I'll try again. Because something is bound to work. God doesn't want me to be sad, or feel stuck, and neither do I. So I will just try again.

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You know, I spent some time at one of my old YSA wards today, and as I was sitting outside, looking at the pool, I had a flashback to a little more than two years ago, when I was really struggling to find my purpose and feel needed. There were more times than I can count where I wondered what it would be like if I just sank to the bottom of the pool. It scared me to have those thoughts, but it just didn't seem like I was making a difference, that I was important, or that I was needed.

{Now, I recognize that those feelings weren't normal, and that I was experiencing depression. But at the time, it didn't occur to me that those feelings weren't normal. I thought I was just sad, and it was a weird sad. Technically, I was right, in a way. Depression is a weird sad.}

As I stared at the pool, I realized that I've come a long way. I'm no longer the scared 20-year-old sophomore/junior at BYU who felt like she didn't fit into the world. Now I'm the scared 22-year-old college graduate who feels like she still doesn't fit into the world. 😉

In all seriousness, I am still scared, and sometimes I feel like I don't fit into the world, but I'm becoming okay with that. I've realized that I don't need to fit into the world. I need to stand out from the world. And I think I do a pretty decent job at that most of the time. So I just need to remind myself that sometimes I don't fit in, and that's okay. There are some things that I don't understand about myself. And I don't know if I'll come to understand them in the near future. But in the meantime, I'm trying to. And that's all I can do.

I thank God every day that I'm finally at a place where I feel more comfortable to be myself. I don't always feel comfortable to completely be myself, but most of the time, I feel comfortable to be most of myself. And for that, I'm grateful. Because there was a time where I hated myself, and I couldn't be myself because I thought that I was annoying, and obnoxious, and too much. Sometimes I still feel like that, I'm not going to lie, but I've realized that I don't need to let other people's opinions of me define who I am. I am perfectly fine the way I am, and God loves me for who I am. 🥰💜

I hope that this week is a good one for you! Find something new each day to be intrigued by, and find someone new to bless. I know that God lives, and that He loves you. I know that He has a wonderful plan for you! I know you will do amazing things. 

Xoxo
Mattie

Sunday, August 4, 2019

"Live by faith, not by fear."


"Live by faith and not by fear." I saw this quote earlier this week on Facebook, and it was a beautiful tender mercy and reminder for me. 

To be completely frank with you, this week has been really stressful for me. I have been finalizing my prep for next week, when I start teaching the preschool!! I am very excited but also very nervous. I have been really stressed about other things in my life, too, but they are more personal and I am not ready to get into that right now. However, what I want to say is this: I have not entirely been okay. Am I excited and happy that I won’t be bouncing around the classrooms at work quite as much? Yeah! I’m happy that my schedule will be a little more consistent. I am excited to get to decorate my own classroom every couple of weeks. I am excited to get to teach the kiddos all about foods and flavors in the next two weeks, and then all of the other themes after that. Yeah, I am excited for all of that! 

But I’m also nervous. I’m scared. I have a curriculum to follow but I’m worried I’m going to do it wrong. I’m worried that I’m not going to do things right. I’m worried that I am going to mess up. I’m worried that it’s not going to be fun for the kids. I’m worried that I’m going to forget all of my training for this job. I’m worried that I’m going to forget to breathe. I am worried that I am going to forget to live my life.

As soon as I found out I was going to be teaching the preschool, my life was changed in an instant. I haven’t been sleeping well lately. I’ve been really stressed and worried. I fear I haven’t been the greatest friend lately, and I fear that I haven’t been the greatest disciple of Christ, either. I have complained far too much and I have been unnecessarily moody and impatient. So I wanted to apologize to all who have been impacted by my complaints, moodiness, and impatience. I am really sorry. I am trying to be better, but there is a lot going on in my head/life at the moment, and I am not doing too great of a job. Please hold on a little longer–I will get there, I promise. It’s just taking me awhile. In the meantime, just know that I appreciate you for listening and putting up with my complaints. I really do. And I will listen just as hard when you need someone to listen. And if you need help fixing something, I’ll do my best. But if you just need someone to vent to, I’m your girl. Because hey–we all need someone to listen, I really like listening, and it’s the least I can do.

I know that Satan wants me to be really upset with myself and focus on all the things that I am getting wrong. Lately, I think that he has been getting into my head a little bit. I am going to make more of an effort this week to not let him get to me. I think that I have been letting my mind and my problems run my life lately, and it has made me stressed, sad, and afraid.

I can be doing better. I should be doing better. This week I'm going to start over and try again. I'm going to try to let go of all my stresses, worries, fears, and anxieties, and turn them over to my Heavenly Father. Then I'm going to try to remember that He loves me and wants what is best for me, and I am going to focus on my relationship with Him, and my relationship with myself.

This week is going to be my first week teaching my own class and I'm really excited! I am also nervous but as long as I focus on one day at a time, I think that I will be fine.

I'm grateful for a God who loves me and wants me to learn and grow. I'm grateful for all the chances that He gives me to repent and try again. I'm grateful for the love and support of my Savior and Father in Heaven. I am grateful that They do not give up on me, even when I am not doing all that I should be doing all the time.

I'm blessed to have family and friends who love and care for me no matter what. I am grateful for where I am in my life right now and I am excited for the next couple of months in my life as I begin to teach. I am grateful for the Lord's hand in my life the last few months especially, but also in the last four years while I was going to school and trying to figure out what to do with my life next. Now that I am done with school and working full-time, I am looking forward to having more time to focus on myself and my relationship with my Heavenly Father. I need to live by faith. I need to trust Him.

I hope you all have a wonderful week! Wish me luck with my first week of teaching! I'll let you know how it goes next week.

Xoxo
Mattie

Sunday, July 28, 2019

He has the most perfect plan for me.

Okay, so this week was super interesting! It started off normal, but on Tuesday I got the news that I will be taking over the preschool classroom at work! I am very nervous but also very excited! I also received my college diploma in the mail on Tuesday! It is now official–I am a COLLEGE GRADUATE!!

Tuesday was honestly such a blessing, because for the first time in a long time, I finally feel like I have a purpose. These last couple of weeks/months have been really hard for me in many ways, but receiving my diploma and getting to teach the three-year-olds at work is a bright spot at the end of the tunnel.

In Relief Society today, we discussed the General Conference talk "Abound with Blessings" by Elder Renlund.

We talked about how we don't earn blessings, but we do have to qualify for them. We also don't get to  pick and choose the blessings we get. God gives us the blessings that we need–and also when we need them. Elder Renlund said, "Blessings are never earned, but faith-inspired actions on our part, both initial and ongoing, are essential."

Blessings come on God's timetable–even if we are qualified. Sometimes there are things that we have to learn by waiting. We have to have faith, and patience. It's hard. Really it is. There are things that I want more than anything in the world but am unable to have right now and it's HARD to have faith. It's HARD to have patience. It's HARD to trust that God knows best and that everything will work out in the end.

But I was talking with some friends this week, and they gave me some really good advice. One of my friends said, "We can have lives tailor-made for us by the One who sees it all...God is still looking out for you, regardless of how content you are with your life." I really loved that. I need to trust Him because it's not up to me. It's in His hands. He has the most perfect plan for me, and He is looking out for me–even when I'm upset and confused about what is going on in my life.

I've been seeing His hand a lot in my life this week. For the first time in a long time I feel like I have a purpose. I feel like I can make a difference. I feel like I can actually do some good. I'm terrified beyond explanation to teach, but I am grateful for not only an amazing boss who is willing to help me as I'm trying to get ready to start to teach these kiddos next week, but I'm grateful for an amazing God who is blessing me with opportunities to grow. Even when I doubt Him sometimes. Even when I doubt myself. Even when I don't really understand why I am going through what I am going through. He is giving me opportunities to work on myself, and to work on trusting Him. I'm learning to live in the moment and live for myself.

I'm really grateful for the love of my Heavenly Father. I am grateful that He still loves and blesses me even when I do not always entirely trust Him. I am trying to be better about trusting Him, and seeing that there are good things about my life each and every day. I am not perfect, and every day I struggle with lots of different things–sometimes the same things each day. But I am trying to be better. And I know that even if my trust in God is growing by baby steps, it is still growing. And I know that that is all He asks of me.

I hope you all have a wonderful week! July is almost over, and August is almost here! It's so weird to think that I won't be going back to school as a student! I'm really excited for this next chapter in my life–terrified, yes, but excited.

Xoxo
Mattie

Sunday, July 21, 2019

Every day, I just have to remember.

It is good to be home! New York was really fun but I am grateful to be home.

I learned a lot about myself while I was in New York, and today in church I learned a lot about God, personal revelation, and trials.

I saw this post on Facebook the other week that I absolutely loved.

In Psalm 23:5 it says, "thou anointest my head with oil". The post on Facebook said
“Sheep can get their head caught in briers and die trying to get untangled. There are horrid little flies that like to torment sheep by laying eggs in their nostrils which turn into worms and drive the sheep to beat their head against a rock, sometimes to death. Their ears and eyes are also susceptible to tormenting insects. So the shepherd anoints their whole head with oil. Then there is peace. That oil forms a barrier of protection against the evil that tries to destroy the sheep. Do you have times of mental torment? Do the worrisome thoughts invade your mind over and over? Do you beat your head against a wall trying to stop them? Have you ever asked God to anoint your head with oil? He has an endless supply! His oil protects and makes it possible for you to fix your heart, mind, and eyes on Him today and always! There is peace in the valley! May our good, good Father anoint your head with oil today so that your cup overflows with blessings! God is good and He is faithful!!” ~Author Unknown
I loved this post! How this gives a whole new meaning to the term 'anointing'. It is a protection against things that can harm us. We use oil to anoint the heads of those that are sick in order to bless them, but it is still a protection. It is used to give a blessing, and is used for protection against further illness, injury, etc.

I really love the idea that we are the Lord's sheep. He is our Shepherd–which means He anoints us to protect us. If we are lost, He will leave those who are not lost to find us. He wants us to be safe, and knows that we are safe in numbers. Which is why He has given us families. Neighborhoods. Wards. Stakes. He has given us places and groups of people where we can be loved, cared for, and safe. We are His flock, and He has made sure that we are surrounded with people who love and care for us.

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Today in Sunday School we were reading in Acts 10, and in verse 15, it says, "What God hath cleansed, that call not thou common." I loved this!! Because I have been cleansed. I am not common. I am a child of God. He has blessed me and forgiven me and given me what I need to do to bless His children. It is not my job to judge others–or even myself. That is His job. If He says I am clean, then I am clean.

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I was talking with a friend about life things, and she shared with me a story that I loved and I wanted to share it with you:

'There was a man who was asleep one night in his cabin when suddenly his room
filled with light and the Savior appeared. The Lord told the man He had a
work for him to do, and showed him a large rock in front of his cabin. The
Lord explained that the man was to push against the rock with all his might.
This the man did, day after day. For many years he toiled from sun up to sun
down, his shoulders set squarely against the cold, massive surface of the
unmoving rock pushing with all his might. Each night the man returned to his
cabin sore and worn out, feeling that his whole day had been spent in vain.
Seeing that the man was showing signs of discouragement, Satan decided to
enter the picture placing thoughts into the man's mind such as; "You have been
pushing against that rock for a long time and it hasn't budged. Why kill
yourself over this? You are never going to move it? etc."

Thus, giving the man the impression that the task was impossible and that he
was a failure.

These thoughts discouraged and disheartened the man even more. "Why kill
myself over this?" he thought. "I'll just put in my time, giving just the
minimum of effort and that will be good enough." And that he planned to do
until one day he decided to make it a matter of Prayer and take his troubled
thoughts to the Lord.

"Lord" he said, "I have labored long and hard in your service, putting all my
strength to do that which you have asked. Yet, after all this time, I have
not even budged that rock a half a millimeter. What is wrong? Why am I
failing?"

To this the Lord responded compassionately, "My friend, when long ago I asked
you to serve me and you accepted, I told you that your task was to push
against the rock with all your strength, which you have done. Never once did
I mention to you that I expected you to move it. Your task was to push. And
now you come to me, your strength spent, thinking that you have failed. But,
is that really so? Look at yourself. Your arms are strong and muscled, your
back brown, your hands are callused from constant pressure, and your legs have
become massive and hard.

Through opposition you have grown much and your abilities now surpass that
which you used to have. Yet you haven't moved the rock. 
BUT YOUR CALLING WAS TO BE OBEDIENT, TO PUSH AND TO 

EXERCISE YOUR FAITH AND TRUST IN MY WISDOM,
this you have done. I, my friend, I will now move the rock."'

I really loved this story. The Lord has asked me to push–He has asked me to be obedient. He has asked me to keep my covenants. He has asked me to sacrifice and serve. He has asked me to trust in Him. That is what I am to do. He will move the rock. 

My friend also said something else that I loved. She reminded me that not only did I make a covenant with the Lord, but HE MADE A COVENANT WITH ME. He covenanted that He will be with me, no matter what. Even when I cannot perceive Him–for whatever reason–He is still there. He is still with me. He is still right beside me. 

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Right now, I cannot see what's ahead of me. A lot of the time, this really frustrates me. Especially when I am trying to ask God for help, and I cannot seem to hear His reply. But my task is to push. My task is to trust. My task is to have faith. Even when it's hard. Even when it seems as if I am not getting an answer. Even when I cannot seem to see or hear Him. Because His task is to make it move. He made a covenant with me that He will be there. I made a covenant that I will be there for other people, and that I will remember Him. He made a covenant that He will be there. 

All of this is easier said than done sometimes.

I feel like I know all this...but applying it is difficult.

My anxiety doesn't help. My depression doesn't help. Not receiving an answer makes me feel lost and alone. Even when it's a close friend. Logically I know that there is a reason for their lack of–or late–response. Logically I know that God is there but He might have something for me to learn. But my depression whispers, "You aren't worthy of their love. You aren't worth their time. They don't really want to be there for you." My anxiety whispers, "Are you sure they are your friend? Is this how friends act?"

It is a constant battle. My faith is trying to remind me that God keeps His promises, but my anxiety and depression are trying to tell me that He keeps His promises to everyone else. But that is not true. He keeps His promises to me. 

This is my trial. I have anxiety and depression, and this can lead to trust issues. This can lead to me not hearing God. This can lead to me questioning the direction I am going. This can lead to me questioning if I am really loved. This can lead to me wanting to just stop existing, and to just end all of the turmoil and pain. This can lead to me believing and thinking that I am alone. 

But this is my blessing. I have been led to people who love me–despite my issues (that are, in all honesty, not as terrible as my brain leads me to believe). I have been led to people who listen to my problems when I am struggling. I have been led to people who know that sometimes all I need is reassurance that I am loved, and that I am doing okay. I have been led to people who were exactly what I needed when I met them–and who are exactly what I need when I turn to them. 

Life is hard. Especially when a lot of your problems stem from your own brain. Every day I am trying to remind myself that I am loved, that God is there, and that I am doing okay. Some days, I'm ecstatic to go to work, to see all the kids, and to teach them and learn from them! Some days, it is all I can do to get out of bed. 

Every day is a new adventure...and sometimes it's not a good adventure. But every day...I am pushing. Sometimes I am pushing with all my might, and sometimes my might isn't as much as it was the other day. That is okay. Pushing gets tiring. As long as I am doing my best, it's good enough. Because all God asks of me is to push. Push ahead. Push through. Push past. Push with all my might. He never asked me to move the rock. Because that is His job. He wants me to obey. So even when I don't understand, I push. Even when I don't understand, I do His will. Because someday it will all make sense. At least, that is what He tells me. And–despite my brain's insistence that I can't trust Him–I do. I trust Him with all of my heart, might, mind, and soul. Every day, I just have to remember.

Xoxo
Mattie

Sunday, July 14, 2019

We are made up of a million tiny little things.

This week I have been in one of the most famous cities in the world: New York City!!! It has been a DREAM of mine for a long time and I can't believe I've finally been able to make it here!!! It has been an absolute BLAST and I have learned a lot about myself and life.

I've learned that I am extremely polite, I take my time to look at art and nature, I'm very independent, I need a map/guide, I often state the most obvious things, and when things go wrong I tend to look on the bright side.

I've learned that people in New York do NOT know how to drive!!!! At all!!!! I will never complain about Utah drivers again.

I've learned that it's a lot harder to hear God in the city that never sleeps...but when I can, it's still as beautiful as ever.

I've learned that you can never get tired of beautiful places, experiences, and things.

I've learned that sometimes stepping out of your comfort city/state is not only wanted, but NEEDED to give you a nice little break from your life.

I've learned that sometimes, in order to appreciate your life and get a better point of view, you need to take a step back.

I've learned that God is always with you. He cares about you. He wants you to be happy. He wants you to be HAPPY. And happiness is a choice. Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light, as Professor Dumbledore said.

Sometimes our circumstances aren't what we wanted or imagined. And sometimes it's depressing. And that's okay. But if you focus on what you don't have, you lose sight of what you DO have. And I've learned that that doesn't make me the happiest of people.

It's hard to focus on what I do have, especially when I am not entirely sure what I do have. Not that I don't have lots of amazing parts to my life, but sometimes it seems like there aren't that many things to my life. I have a great job, great coworkers, great family, great friends.

But there is more to life, right? That's why I came to New York—because I wanted to see the world, and wanted to experience the world. I wanted to see what else the world has to offer. Because maybe–just maybe–if I can see what else the world has to offer, maybe I can see what else I have to offer.

Bishop Christopher W. Waddell said in the April 2019 General Conference, "As we seek the guidance of the Spirit and trust the Lord, we will be placed in situations and circumstances where we can act and bless—in other words, minister. There may be other times when we recognize a need but feel inadequate to respond, assuming that what we have to offer is insufficient. To do just as He did, however, is to minister by giving what we are capable of giving and to trust that the Lord will magnify our efforts to bless our “fellow travelers on this mortal journey.” For some, it may be giving the gift of time and talents; for others, it may be a kind word or a strong back. Although we may feel that our efforts are inadequate, President Dallin H. Oaks shared an important principle regarding “small and simple.” He taught that small and simple acts are powerful because they invite “the companionship of the Holy Ghost,” a companion who blesses both the giver and the receiver.

Small and simple things. It is the little things that make all the difference. We're all made up of a million tiny little things. We're all given the opportunity to make a difference with a million tiny little choices. What we CAN and DO give is enough—no matter how big or how small. As long as you are giving your all, you are making a difference.

Xoxo
Mattie

Sunday, July 7, 2019

You have to try, or nothing will change.

Jesus Christ suffered and died for me. He gave His LIFE for me–how can I repay Him? Honestly, I can't. All I can do is try every day to be better, and to do better. Sometimes, I fail. But I get up and try again. My friend told me recently, "It’s okay to lose sometimes! You are still amazing and faith-filled and dedicated and full of worth! Every day is an opportunity for a new victory." I loved that and thought it was beautiful. I am human, and I am imperfect. I make mistakes, and sometimes I lose. It's a great reminder that my worth is not dependent upon anything. My worth is as constant as the sea–as constant as the changing of the moon and tides. It is always there and it is a reminder of the love of my Father in Heaven.

God loves me. I can ask Him, and He will tell me. He blesses me constantly–even when I can't see it. He is aware of me, and of my struggles. I can do hard things. I have done hard things, and I will continue to do hard things. Life is always throwing curveballs at me, and I am always going to be trying to hit them out of the park. Sometimes I will fail. But as I talk with Him, and tell Him how I am feeling, I can better be aware of His light and guidance in helping me through my struggles.
Sometimes I can't do things.
But because of (and with) Him, I can.

Jesus Christ is the only one who truly understands all that I am going through. He can help me overcome the feelings and experiences that are making me feel sad, anxious, depressed, and anything in between. Those feelings might not go away completely, but He can help me fill my life and change my focus so that the ache is not as constant.

Someone said in their testimony today that if we are constantly watering a plant, we are going to drown it. The same is with God. God is always aware of me, and He will water me (give me spiritual guidance/experiences) when I need it, and He will always give me enough.

I know that life is always going to be rough. There are always going to be challenges. There are always going to be "trips to the hospital for things that turn out to be appendicitis" in life–sometimes literally, sometimes figuratively. But you have to keep moving forward. You have to TRY. Or nothing will change. There is no growth in the comfort zone. There is no comfort in the growth zone. I am trying every day to be better. I know that I am not in the comfort zone because every day is hard.

I am trying to learn as I am growing but sometimes it is hard to see what I can learn from these experiences. I am trying to be patient and focus on taking things one day at a time but sometimes it is hard. Sometimes my anxiety makes me worried about the future. Sometimes my depression makes me think that there is no future, so why should I worry about what's going on in my life right now? Together, they make trusting my Heavenly Father probably the most difficult thing in the world for me right now. But I know that as I turn to Him, and put my trust in Him every day...even if I don't understand...that little by little, this puzzle that is my life will start to piece together. Because just like a puzzle, it takes time for all the pieces of my life to come together.

"I am glad that the pieces of the puzzle of my life are in God's hands. He knows exactly where and when to put them and make it complete." ~ Caroline Naoroji

Xoxo
Mattie