God loves you enough to let you wait.

Feelings are fickle.
They change SO fast.
One day you can feel one thing, and the next you can feel another.
One minute you can feel one thing, and the next second you can feel another.
I personally just feel lots of things all the time and they take me on a roller-coaster of a ride. Sometimes I feel like I feel too much and I can't figure out how to turn it off. And I found this poem that I thought explained how I felt:

"Orchestrated Emotion" 

By Denise Tucker

My heart, 

Like an Orchestra, 

Is made of many parts, 

All trying to play 

At once. 

Lord, 

Direct the blend 

To end 

In Harmony— 

Not dissonance.

I love this. The Lord is the conductor of my life, and my heart, and I am trying very hard to listen and follow (and trust) His lead, but it is very difficult.

Life is hard. Emotions are hard. Motivation is hard. Everything is just hard. And sometimes it doesn't feel like it's going to get any better. But it will. God will help you. He puts the most amazing and selfless people in your life who you know without a shadow of a doubt with always bet there for you. They'll always be there to listen to you, love you, cry with you, and comfort you. They won't leave you. And He places people in your life to help heal you. And even though they can't always help you 100% of the time, Christ makes up the difference. He is always there for you. He will lift you up when you fall. He will carry you when you cannot walk. And He will love you. Broken, bruised, chipped, imperfect, unworthy, alone, lost, forgotten. However you feel, however you describe yourself, He will help heal you, and find you, and love you, and comfort you. For you are a Child of God and you have a divine nature and potential to fulfill. But we can't do it alone. So He will be there. Always. 

"Without the fundamentals, the details are useless. With the fundamentals, tiny gains can add up to something very significant." ~Vince Lombardi
          I loved this quote that Josh shared in sacrament meeting. It's so true! Foundations are important. Your foundation is made up of the fundamentals. Don't forget the fundamentals.

As we trust Him, our faith slowly increases. Faith either increases or decreases. It is always moving, but it all depends on us. We need to do the fundamentals–we need to do the important things. We need to study our scriptures, go to church, pray daily, and serve others. This helps us increase our faith.

Heavenly Father does keep His promises but we need to do our part. It's not enough to just say, 'You promised You would do this.' We need to do our part, too. We need to make an effort. We can't just expect Him to do everything for us. We have our agency. Sometimes Heavenly Father tells us exactly what to do, and the trial of our faith in that instance is full obedience, but sometimes He lets us choose, and the trial of our faith in that instance is to have faith in Him and choose for ourself.

Humility is one of the greatest keys of accessing the power of heaven and the Atonement. I loved this. It's hard sometimes to be humble but it's important to remember that we can't do everything by ourselves and we need help. We need His help in order to return to live with our Heavenly Father. He loves us so much and wants to give us the best chance to get back to Him.

In Relief Society we talked about the Sabbath Day, and someone said something that I really loved. She said, "Remember whose day it is. It is His day. He deserves the best from me. Even if it's just for one day." I loved that! The Sabbath Day is supposed to be a day of rest; a day separate from the rest of the week. And it's meant to help us show Heavenly Father how much we love and appreciate Him, and He deserves the best from us.

I had a thought the other day that I loved and wanted to share. I said, "Just because you aren't getting what you want when you want it doesn't mean that God doesn't love you. It just means that God loves you enough to give you what you want at the right time, and sometimes that means you have to wait." 

I hope that you have an amazing week! You can do hard things! Take things one day at a time and one task at a time!

Xoxo
Mattie

Who am I?

So the Elder's Quorum in my single's ward threw a fancy dinner party for the Relief Society yesterday to show us how much they love and appreciate us (because of Valentine's Day). It was just the sweetest thing ever!! They did everything all by themselves, and they even made the pizza dough/pizzas from scratch!! They had tables set up and decorated, and we had waiters take us to our table and take our orders. There was also live music that was awesome. At the end, they gave a little speech about how much they admire us and are grateful for us and then they handed us each a ROSE! It was just so sweet and so cute and I can't help but be grateful for their sweet hearts and natures, and their devotion to the Lord, and to serving us, and for their Christlike love. They are great men who respect and honor their priesthood and the women in their life and I am so grateful to have such amazing men in my life. They are always willing to give me blessings, or pick me up from school when I had a long day, and they are just so thoughtful. They are wonderful disciples of Jesus Christ, and I am so thankful that my Savior sends them in His stead when I am struggling. 

There were some amazing lessons in church today but today I want to share something I wrote last night:

Who Am I?   

By Mattie Radke   

Who am I?
I am kind. I am smart. I am beautiful. I am loved. I am valued. I am a friend. I have worth. I have integrity. I have love. I have compassion. I have sympathy. I have empathy. I have grace. I have beauty. I have patience. I have friends. I have family. I have a place to belong. I am loved. I am scared. I am broken. I am healing. I am scarred. I have a Savior. I have a Heavenly Father. I have a Heavenly Mother. I am one of a kind. I am unique. I bring something special to this world. I bring light and love to those in my life. I am passionate. I feel deeply and completely. I give completely. I have so much potential. I am blessed. I am a daughter of God. I am a daughter of a King. I have a divine nature. No one can do what I do. No one can give to the world what I give. No one can replace me. I am special. I am brave. I am wonderful. I am beautiful. I am funny. I am crazy and random. But that is what makes me Mattie
Who am I?
I am ME. And that's who I'm meant to be. I'm done apologizing for who I am. Take me or leave me, but this is me.

I've had a couple of crazy weeks. They've been good weeks on the whole, but I feel like I've just been trying to get back in the groove of being myself and so it's been really crazy trying to deal with that on top of school, and other things like dating (guh-ross! ;) ). I've been having a lot of talks with several of my friends, trying to figure out what it is about me that is...well, that is me. I have struggled with accepting myself. I have felt like I had to hide parts of me around some people and I hated it. And sometimes I would apologize for being myself. I didn't want to be a nuisance, or an inconvenience, or whatever.

But I finally...I finally came to the realization that I am not going to change. Generally, I mean. Who I am as a person is not really going to change. And I realized if I don't like myself...then who will? Who is going to like a person who doesn't like themself? The honest answer is really no one. No one will. People like people who are confident in who they are.

So I decided to write down who I think I am. What kinds of qualities I think I have or am. What I can give to the world. What is special and unique about ME. And I ended up writing a whole list of things and I just couldn't stop (hence the poem, of sorts). And after writing this list, and thinking about the people in my life, and then about the things that Dalan was saying last night at the dinner about us ladies, and then about my Father in Heaven, I realized something. I realized that I AM ME. No one else. And no one else can be me, and I can't be anyone else. I am amazing. I have gone through some really hard things but I have come out of them stronger and more determined to do right, and be kind, and I am grateful for who I have become. I am grateful for modern medicine, and for therapists, and for friends, and for happiness, and for love, and for peace, and for grace, and for confidence. I am grateful for positivity, and for gratitude, and for all of the wonderful and beautiful and amazing human beings in my life.

I went on a date yesterday and for the first time in a long time, I felt like I could be almost 100% myself. And I feel like I am being more like myself every day. I'm not perfect, and some days I still fall short...but failing is okay. Failure means you've tried. Sometimes trying is all that we can do.

So! Here's what I want YOU to remember:
First: You are BRILLIANT.
2) Be yourself! You will honestly be much more comfortable!
C) Remember that GOD LOVES YOU ALWAYS.
IV. I love you and am always here for you.

I hope you have a lovely week! Life is great! You are fantastic! You are loved! You are strong! You can do hard things!! Thank you for being you!!!

Xoxo
Mattie

He takes you as you are.

What a week! I was working on getting all the important things off my computer so I could get a new one, which I was able to get yesterday! I am so excited! The screen is so big and it runs way faster! I am excited to use it!
It's also been kind of an emotional week. I've been sick and not feeling well, and I've also been extremely tired, even when I have gotten more than enough sleep, so it's just been an extremely long week.
But! I have also been so productive this week! I have been able to get a lot done and I have also (on the whole) been a lot happier. I am grateful for the beautiful tender mercies this week, two of which were scriptures that I read when I was feeling down that were able to lift me up. I'm grateful for my Savior's help, guidance, and love. I know that a lot of things this week were only possible because of Him. I am grateful for all He does for me, and for the support He gives, and for the people He puts in my life to love me and lift me up.

Today was Fast Sunday in our ward, so it was testimony meeting today, and I didn't take a lot of notes–mainly I just listened–but there were a few things that I loved and took notes on that I wanted to share.

-We can't hide anything from God. He knows exactly what we're feeling and thinking. But He is merciful. He wants us to be open–open to Him, open to change, open to the possibility of change. If we give up what we want for God, He will give us blessings.
-When we turn to the Savior, He can and will make us more than we can by ourselves. When Christ asks us to do things, even when they don't make sense, He makes it work, and He makes it worth it.

In Gospel Principles we talked about love. And while we were talking about things that made us feel like we were alone and not loved, I thought about two different songs that are some of my favorites. The first is called "Broken & Beautiful" and it's a new song by Calee Reed but it is amaaaazing!!!! I love it so much!! No matter what, we are always loved by Him. It's sometimes hard to see how God can make something wonderful out of our broken pieces, but I know He does. I know that sometimes it's hard to go through trials in this life, but I also know that you are not alone. God loves you, and sends you angels when you need them. He sent His Son to die for us so that we would not be alone in our darkest moments. He sent His Son to be with us in those moments, and to lift us up, and carry us when we can't go on by ourself. He sent His Son to help us put the pieces back together. He sent His Son to remind us that we might be broken, but we are still beautiful.

The other song is called "Better Than A Hallelujah", and this version is by Amy Grant but there is another version by Mercy River that is also amaaaazing! I love this song SO MUCH because the message of this song is that God takes what you give. He accepts it and makes it better. YOU ARE ENOUGH. He takes you as you are. And your feelings are not weakness. Your feelings are strengths. God wants you to come to Him, no matter where you are. He will take you where you stand, and He will help you become better. 

We also talked about how it is okay to be blind, and to just keep walking in faith. And when you feel alone and forgotten, and lost, remember that you are not the only one who has felt so! Heavenly Father left Christ, too. Have mercy on yourself, and remember to ask God for help. Remember to tell Him EVERYTHING. Tell Him you can't feel Him. Be open with Him. He knows all, but wants to hear it from you. He cares so much about you–He doesn't want you suffering or hurting. He wants to bring peace to your life, and He wants to give you strength. But He can't do that if you won't talk to Him or go to Him. So take the time to go to Him, and share with Him your feelings and thoughts. If it is important to you, it is important to Him. BUT He does have a plan for you, so your timetables might not match up together, but that is okay. Just trust Him. :)

I am so thankful for the blessings I receive in my life. I am so thankful for the people in my life. I am so thankful for the love that I feel and for the grace that I receive. I am so grateful for my Savior, and for His love and guidance, and the moments that He has lifted me up when I couldn't find the strength to stand. I am grateful for the power of music. I am grateful for love. I am grateful for peace. I am grateful for confidence and patience. I am grateful for grace. I am grateful for mercy. I am grateful for my Heavenly Father. 

Xoxo
Mattie

We are His priority.

So today was Stake Conference, and it was super amazing!!

Each speaker was so wonderful! I loved all their insights! :)

1. Hope comes because of, in, and through the Savior.
-Hope is centered on the Atonement.
2. Hope is a strong thing.
-Hope is always there, when no one else is. Hope turns us to the Savior.
3. The temple is a source of hope.
-It refocuses us.
-As we focus on the Savior, and what He wants us to become, we'll be filled with hope.
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Be true friends to those around us.
Conversion is not a one-time event.
1. We must be good examples.
-We are the personification of the Lord's church.
2. Ask God for His help.
3. Do your best.
-Be an instrument in His hands.
-Be a friend first.
-The Lord will perform miracles through us as we follow Him.
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-This life is the time to serve the Lord.
-In the house of the Lord, we have to be reverent.
-If we truly seek His help and guidance, we will receive what we need, and feel what we need to feel.
-The temple can bring us closer to our Heavenly Father and our ancestors.
-Have you ever thought about how much time Heavenly Father gives to us? Does He ever not listen? Not drop everything for us? He always listens, and we are His priority. So we need to make time for Him. Everything will fall into place.
-Make the temple your place of refuge from the storm.
-Take time to be holy.
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-You may not be who or what you think you are, but what you think, you are.
-Are you looking for the good in [your companion]? (this can be filled with any person...family member, friend, yourself)
-Are you becoming like Him?
-When I know who I really am, it is easier to become who I really am.
-Relationships are eternal.
-The key to planning is to do it.
-Become a creator of circumstances instead of a creature of circumstances.
-Only Christ can change us. He can change all of our yesterdays.
-We get to choose our steps. Will our steps be in His direction?
-The more specific our prayers, the more defined His answers become.
-Pride is trust in ourselves. Confidence and humility is trust in God.
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-The temple is truly the house of God.
-We can feel nearer to our Father in Heaven and His Son, and we can feel their love in the temple.
-There's a protection and power associated with the ordinances of the temple.
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-You underestimate how good you are.
-Left to themselves, things fall apart (2nd Law of Thermodynamics) in any closed system.
-When we sin, we fall apart from God. Because of Christ and His Atonement, we can return.
-Christ can fix ALL broken things.
-Remember how merciful God is, and focus on that.
-Christ came to make things all right.
-The Lord loves broken things because He can fix them.