Sometimes our physical adventures can lead to spiritual adventures.

I am so blessed and grateful for modern-day medicine! Here's an update on what could be considered one of the craziest weeks–if not THE craziest week of my entire 22-year existence.

The moments that change our lives are random and unforeseen. However, it is up to us on how they change us. An experience like the one I am currently going through–having appendicitis and being confined to my house–could break me. If I let it. But it can also make me stronger. Which is what I am trying to get it to do. I am trying to learn and grow from it. And I am trying not to let it break me.

Tuesday night (May 21st, 2019) I went to bed around 11:30/11:45pm after doing my homework because my stomach had started bothering me, and I thought that a night of sleep would help me recuperate. I woke up at 2:10am with the pain about the same or worse. I woke up my parents, and after about 45 minutes of the pain being the same or worse, my dad took me to the emergency room at the hospital around 3:15am. They drew my blood for some tests, and took a CT scan, and when the doctor came in around 5:30am, he said it was a good thing I listened to my body because I had early appendicitis. They gave me some morphine to help with the pain, and eventually they gave me a little bit of oxygen because the morphine caused my body to slow down so much, the machine kept thinking that I had stopped breathing. 🤣

May 22nd, 2019 - Me with my best friend oxygen

They moved me to a pre-op room upstairs, where I waited for surgery. Surgery kept getting pushed back because they already had a bunch of scheduled surgeries and I was just going to be fit into whatever time they could fit me in (during this time, I met a super cute nurse who had recently gotten back from his mission early and he was hoping to be able to go back soon but wasn't sure if he would. I think I told him it will all work out, but I was so sleepy and drugged up that I can't remember 🤣). By the time I got taken up for surgery, it was probably 10:30/10:45am and I had been at the hospital for about 7 hours. I don't remember anything after they helped me get up on the operating table. When I woke up in post-op, I had a really hard time keeping my eyes opened. They wouldn't let me leave until I could keep down some water and I could walk around a bit. I finally got home around 2pm and just crashed. My doctor said that I couldn't go to work for about five days, so I made sure that I got my shifts covered for Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, and I let my professors know I wouldn't be in class Wednesday-Friday. 

Everyone has been SO kind, thoughtful, caring, and loving as I have been recovering! I really appreciate all the love and well-wishes! I am very grateful for the love of my Father in Heaven. He has sent me quite a few angels at this time in my life–and I am so grateful for their love and well-wishes. I appreciate those who have been praying for me, and for those who have sent me sweet messages and even get-well baskets. I am so thankful that I only had to miss three days of school and work, since Monday is Memorial Day and everything is closed/canceled that day anyway. I am so thankful for all of the time that I have had to rest and heal my body. I am feeling a lot better today than I have been the past few days, and even though I am going back to work and school on Tuesday, I am not going to be 100% yet for probably quite a few more days at the very least. 

I am grateful for the reminder that I am not alone, and that my Savior is with me, and understands me. He understands the pain I have been going through, and the suffering. Jesus suffered SO MUCH. He bled from every pore. He was whipped, hit upon, spit upon, and had a crown of thorns placed upon His head. He carried His cross up the hill to Calvary upon His back that had open wounds from being whipped and beaten. He had nails pounded into His wrists, His palms, and His feet. He died of a broken heart. He suffered for all the pains, sorrows, sins, afflictions, and temptations of the world. He suffered for you. He suffered for me. I am so thankful that I have had my Savior to turn to and to depend on in my times of need. 

In the April 2016 General Conference, then-President Uchtdorf said, "If a man can take the ruins, rubble, and remains of a broken city and rebuild an awe-inspiring structure that rises toward the heavens, how much more capable is our Almighty Father to restore His children who have fallen, struggled, or become lost? It matters not now how completely ruined our lives may seem. It matters not how scarlet our sins, how deep our bitterness, how lonely, abandoned, or broken our hearts may be. Even those who are without hope, who live in despair, who have betrayed trusted, surrendered their integrity, or turned away from God can be rebuilt...there is no life so shattered that it cannot be restored." 

I love this quote. It reminds me of 9 years ago, this December, when the Provo Tabernacle caught on fire, and ten months later in General Conference President Monson said that we would use the Tabernacle to make another holy temple for the Lord. That is what the Lord does with us. He takes us in our brokenness and helps us to lay a new foundation–one that can help us become more of a holy temple for the Lord.

In Luke 15, Jesus gives the parable of the lost sheep, the piece of silver, and the prodigal son. Now, if you know these stories, you might be questioning how they apply to my experience this week. I'll explain. 

Luke 15:4-5 says, "4 What man of you, having an hundred sheep, if he lose one of them, doth not leave the ninety and nine in the wilderness, and go after that which is lost, until he find it? 5 And when he hath found it, he layeth it on his shoulders, rejoicing." 

In this parable, we are the sheep. Jesus is our Shepherd, and when we lose our way, we become the lost sheep. Now, this week, I didn't necessarily become 'lost' in the typical way we think of. I didn't stray off the path. I didn't fall away. But I did 'lose myself'. I had appendicitis. I had to go to the hospital. I had to take medicine that didn't always help me think clearly. I've been sleeping off and on for five days. I've had previous engagements that I had to cancel because I've been sick and recuperating. I kind of 'fell away' from the world for a bit. I've been homebound. I've felt alone, and lost. But my Savior has known where I have been the whole time. He has sent me angels, friends, ministers, and my family to 'find me'. To pick me up. To lead me home.

Luke 15:8-9 says, "8 Either what woman having ten pieces of silver, if she lose one piece, doth not light a candle, and sweep the house, and seek diligently till she find it? 9 And when she hath found it, she calleth her friends and her neighbours together, saying, Rejoice with me; for I have found the piece which I had lost."

In this parable, we are the pieces of silver. Jesus is the woman, and when we are lost, He does not stop searching till He finds us. In my pain this week, and in my sleeping it off, I might have become a little lost. I might have forgotten who I am. Whose I am. I might have forgotten that I have a loving Father in Heaven who cares for me. But He never forgot about me.

Luke 15:11-32 is a lot longer, so a few of my favorite scriptures from this parable are: "18 I will arise and go to my father, and will say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee, 19 And am no more worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thy hired servants. 20 And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him. 21 And the son said unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in they sight, and am no more worthy to be called thy son. 22 But the father said to his servants, Bring froth the best robe, and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet... 24 For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. And they began to be merry."

In this parable, we are the lost son. The prodigal son. I have heard that this parable should be called the parable of the prodigal sonS plural because even the son who stayed at home was also technically a prodigal son. Anyway, that is not the point of this parable in regards to my week. In regards to my week, I approached my dad and asked for help, much like the prodigal son who left. And my dad took me to the hospital, and gave me a blessing, and helped me get through this experience. 

One thing that I love about all of the parables that Jesus shares is how applicable they are to EVERYTHING. Until I was writing this, I never would have thought that I could apply the parables of the lost sheep, piece of silver, and son to an experience with appendicitis. But I can. And I did. And there is a lot more in our lives that we can apply these parables to.

I am grateful for my Father in Heaven, and for His love and support. I am grateful for my father on earth, who not only gave me a wonderful blessing last week right before my surgery, but a few weeks ago when I was struggling with school and life in general. I am grateful that I know that I am not lost to Him. I am grateful that I know that I am always within His sights. And I am grateful that I know that He loves me always, and has the greatest of plans for me.

Xoxo
Mattie

His love for me is greater than I can imagine.

God has an incredibly special plan for me.

I was just browsing Facebook, chilling, and looking at all of the things that my friends are doing in their lives...and I had that thought. "God has an incredibly special plan for me." For me. His plan for me is tailor-made for me. I don't entirely know what He has planned for me 🤣 but I am so excited to find out in time. Sometimes I wish I could find out faster...but that's not how it works.

This week has been incredibly long...and I had a lot that happened...but I am grateful that I have my Savior and Redeemer, Jesus Christ, to lean on.

One thing that has been incredibly difficult for me lately is that I have been struggling to find a balance. My schedule is incredibly busy and full right now, and I am struggling to find a balance between sleep, homework, school, work, and my rest and relaxation time. I am very excited that I have only ONE MONTH left of school!!! But I am incredibly disappointed that it is going by so slow. Please pray that I will have the patience to get through it! 🤣

I am very grateful for the love of my Heavenly Father, and for His kindness, and for His mercy. He loves me more than I can comprehend. I am grateful for the people that He sends into my life, and for the experiences that help me learn and grow. Even if I don't understand at the moment, and even if I don't ever understand in this life, I know that everything will come together in the end. It's sometimes hard to look at my life and realize that it's not where I thought I would be right now...but I am very grateful for where I am right now. I know that I've got a lot of growth to do, and I'm grateful that I have my Heavenly Father to help me.

I know that God has great blessings and plans for me. I know it. I know it's hard to see sometimes, and sometimes it's difficult to even believe that God's plan for me is better than the plans that I have for myself, but I know that He and I discussed my life here on Earth, and I agreed to it. I didn't know what I was getting myself into, but I thought that I would be able to handle it with His help. And He knows that I can handle it with His help. And, as I look back on my life...I know that I can handle it.

I hope ya'll have had a great weekend and that you have a wonderful week!! God loves you very much and I am so grateful for you!! I am grateful for your insights, your influence, your love, and your strength and determination to do what's right. I love you!

Xoxo
Mattie

Life is hard, but that's why God gave us mothers.

Happy Mother's Day! I am so thankful for my mother! She has sacrificed so much for my family, and for me. I am so grateful for her love and support, and her example to me.

I am grateful for the teachings of the prophets on women and motherhood. In the October 2018 Women's Session of General Conference, President Russell M. Nelson, "Every woman is a mother by virtue of her eternal divine destiny." He goes on to discuss how special the influence of women is on the world, and how we tend to think of others first, and how things that we do will affect people.

In the October 2017 General Conference, Sister Joy D. Jones, second counselor in the Primary General Presidency, shared a quote from President Spencer W. Kimball, who said, "God is your Father. He loves you. He and your Mother in Heaven value you beyond any measure.  ... You are unique. One of a kind, made of the eternal intelligence which gives you claim upon eternal life. Let there be no question in your mind about your value as an individual. The whole intent of the gospel plan is to provide an opportunity for each of you to reach your fullest potential, which is eternal progression and the possibility of godhood." She then went on to discuss the difference between worth and worthiness. Our worth–as a child of God, as a human, as a person–is unchanging. He loves us, and when we value ourselves as He does, we can learn and grow immensely, because we are able to see ourselves as He does.

In the April 2016 General Conference, Sister Neill F. Marriott, second counselor in the Young Women General Presidency, quotes Elder Orson F. Whitney, who said, "All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, ... purifies our hearts ... and makes us more tender and charitable, ... and it is through ... trial and tribulation, that we gain the education ... which will make us more like our Father and Mother in Heaven." She said, "The Lord's Church needs Spirit-directed women who use their unique gifts to nurture, to speak up, and to defend gospel truth. Our inspiration and intuition are necessary parts of building the kingdom of God, which really means doing our part to bring salvation to God's children." I love this quote, because I know so many women who are so, so special, spiritual, nurturing, and intelligent. They are wonderful examples to me of how to listen to the promptings of the Spirit, and how to be loving and nurturing. 

Mothers that I know and love have often shared with me how inadequate they feel, and how they feel like they are failing their children, and their Father in Heaven, who entrusted these precious souls of His to them. I am going to tell you one thing:

YOU ARE ENOUGH. 

All that you have to offer your family is enough. Your children need your influence, and your love and support. Not only that, but those around you need your love and support. There have been many, many, many women in my life who have been mothers to me–even if they weren't mothers, and even if they weren't married. 

I have had women in my life who were my roommates, and they mothered me as often as I needed it. They loved me, and cared for me, but it was just natural. They didn't go out of their way to do it. They just did it. They listened, loved, and served me.

I have had women in my life who were leaders at church, or one of the bishopric member's wives, and they mothered me and gave me so much love–I always felt loved and at home, even when I wasn't at home. 

I have had all kinds of women in my life who have mothered me, and they all listened, loved, and served me–and THAT is motherhood. Listening, loving, and serving; that's all there is to it! I am so grateful for the women in my life who have made time for me, and who have blessed me, and helped me.

I hope that, as I have been growing and learning in the last few years, and as I have served and helped those in my life, I hope that I blessed their life as much as the women in my life have blessed my life.

Life is hard, but that is why God gave us MOTHERS! 💜

Happy Mother's Day!

Xoxo

Mattie

Fear leads to doubt, faith leads to trust.

One thing that I have been thinking about a lot this week is fear and faith. Faith and fear cannot exist at the same time. Fear is such an overpowering emotion that it leaves no room for any other emotions. Faith is such an uplifting and empowering emotion that it lifts you up beyond any other emotions you would feel.

Elder Uchtdorf has said about fear, "It is true that fear can have a powerful influence over our actions and behavior. But that influence tends to be temporary and shallow. Fear rarely has the power to change our hearts, and it will never transform us into people who love what is right and who want to obey Heavenly Father."

In that same talk, Elder Uchtdorf also gives us insight into how God motivates us to follow Him. He said, "He sent His Son! God sent His Only Begotten Son, Jesus Christ, to show us the right way. God motivates through persuasion, long-suffering, gentleness, meekness, and love unfeigned. God is on our side. He loves us, and when we stumble, He wants us to rise up, try again, and become stronger. He is our mentor. He is our great and cherished hope. He desires to stimulate us with faith. He trusts us to learn from our missteps and make correct choices."

I love these quotes from Elder Uchtdorf because it's a wonderful reminder that Heavenly Father LOVES US and wants us to be happy, and He wants us to learn and grow. As we have faith in Him, and follow Him, we can get up and try again each time we fall. We can change and improve as we take the time to focus on the things He wants for us.

Sometimes, we just need to take a leap of faith. We just need to do it.

One time I was struggling to focus and my roommate Sabrina showed me this video.
Even though I'd already seen it before it made me smile.
Now, every time I am struggling, I think of this video and Sabrina, and I know that
I CAN DO IT.

God will bless us as we take the time to pray, and make a decision. He will guide and direct us if we are not going in the direction that He knows we need to be going in. But we must choose. 

In a talk by Sister Virginia H. Pearce from 1992, she says, "Why is fear part of earth life? Perhaps our Heavenly Father's greatest hope is that through our fears we may choose to turn to Him. The uncertainties of earth life can help to remind each of us that we are dependent on Him. But that reminder is not automatic. It involves our agency. We must choose to take our fears to Him, choose to trust Him, and choose to allow Him to direct us. We must make these choices when what we feel most inclined to do is to rely more and more on our own frantic and often distorted thinking." 

Elder Gerrit W. Gong said last October, "Our Savior knows our circumstances. As we exercise God-given agency and engage all our faculties in humility and faith, our Savior, Jesus Christ, can help us meet life's challenges and joys. Faith includes a desire and choice to believe. Faith also comes from obeying God's commandments, given to bless us, as we follow His covenant path."

I love these two quotes! In order for us to learn and grow, we must make choices. As we choose to turn to our Father in Heaven and our Savior, we are learning and growing. As we make more and more decisions to trust Them, we become less afraid and more faithful.

I know that it is often really hard to trust God, especially when something you want seems to be out of the picture or His radar, but I promise that as you trust Him, the path that you are currently on seems clear, and the path that you are hoping to take in the future doesn't seem so impossible.

I love my Heavenly Father and I am so thankful for the example of my Savior. I know that They love me so much and are rooting for me, and I am so thankful for Their support in my life, as well as the people in my life that They help place in my path.

Life is hard, but you have to remember to reach up for your Lifeguard's hand because He walks on water and will not let you drown. 

Xoxo

Mattie