He will help us find our personal happiness.

I know I already posted yesterday but I can't just not post on Sunday. That's not a thing. So that makes this a double post weekend. :)

So, I had a thought during the sacrament this morning. I'm pretty sure it's not for me because I already went through it for me, but I am going to post it still because it might be for you. :)

"Sometimes it's hard to tell if you've been forgiven by your Heavenly Father. But sometimes the problem isn't that we're not forgiven–the problem is that we have not forgiven ourselves. Once you've forgiven yourself, you can more easily feel at peace and recognize that your Heavenly Father has forgiven you. He doesn't want us to hurt or suffer, but that is sometimes what we have to do in order to trust Him and turn to Him. It may hurt and be hard, but with Him we can find peace."

Someone said something in their talk during sacrament meeting this morning that stood out to me. He said, "If we don't have charity, what good is our faith?" And I just thought about that. It makes sense. If you don't have faith–or if you don't believe–what is the point of doing or having charity? There is none. There cannot be faith without charity, nor charity without faith. They go hand in hand.

The last speaker also said something that stood out to me. She said, "If Heavenly Father loves us, and wants us to be happy, then He's going to give us the experiences that we need to be happy. He wants us to be ourselves, and to find ourself. He will help us find our personal happiness." That was something else she said. We all have a personal happiness. I thought that was very interesting and very true. Things that make me happy won't necessarily make you happy.

In Gospel Doctrine, someone said something that I loved. "Feeling sad is okay. You have to be sad in order to be happy." You can't know happiness unless you've known sadness. Just don't let the sadness overtake you. Turn to your Savior–He'll help you find peace.

Relief Society was great! I loved the lesson, based off of Bishop W. Christopher Waddell's talk in the April conference. One thing that was read/said was, "The solution to our problems is the strengthening of our faith in Jesus Christ." We talked about his three steps to peace, based off of the scripture in D&C 19:23: 1) Learn of me [Christ]; 2) Listen to my words; and 3) Walk in the meekness of my spirit. We can learn of Him in all that we do–scripture study, visiting the temple, standing in holy places, etc. I thought this was interesting: partaking (so, consistently doing/listening) is more of a commitment. And for the last one: the Savior invites us to come to Him. Always. He is the pathway to peace.

It was a great first Sunday in my new ward. I'm excited to get to know my new ward. I'm grateful for my Savior and my Heavenly Father. I'm grateful for the messages that were shared today. I needed them. I know Heavenly Father can help me find my personal happiness. I know that He can help me find peace. I know that life may be tough, and rough, and hard, but I also know that with Jesus Christ as my rock, I can be tougher, and stronger, and I can do hard things. And I know that you can, too. <3

Xoxo
Mattie

In trying to find me, God will be there.

Okay, I've done a lot of thinking in my spare time this past week as I've gotten ready for school to start, and I know it's only Saturday, and the time for my new blogpost is tomorrow, but I feel like this can't wait. I have to say it now. So here goes:

First things first–I always have WAY too much time on my hands hahaha :) Hopefully I'll be able to use it wisely this semester/year.
Second–I love things too hard. Ok, maybe not too hard, but I do love things an awful lot, and sometimes that is too much. Because when things change, it's hard for me to deal with them.
Third–I've realized that I can't always explain why I feel a certain way, or why it's hard for me, etc.

I'm not gonna lie–the first thing is just there just because three things are better than two things. The second one has an impact on the third one, however, and that last one is a little frustrating. Because if I can't explain it, then how in the world am I supposed to be able to figure out how to deal with it? The answer is that sometimes I can't.

That's it. That's the all knowing secret to the ins and outs of Mattie.

Sometimes I just. Don't. Know. And sometimes I just can't.

It's not something that I think I'll ever be able to explain or figure out in this life. But I promise you that I am trying.

I am trying to figure out why sometimes I get so excited about things.

I am trying to figure out why sometimes it's hard for me when things change–from something as simple as taking a different route to school to something as difficult as not seeing or talking to someone as often as you're used to.

I am trying to figure out why sometimes it's really easy for me to let go of me and just be outgoing and have fun, and why sometimes it's not and I just want to curl up in the corner and read a book.

I am trying to figure me out. Sometimes it's hard, sometimes it's frustrating (It seems I have, at the very least, two VERY opposite sides of me, which can be very hard to deal with).

I'm hoping that this year will be THE year. The year that I figure a lot of things out. I'm hoping that this year things will change for the better. I already am 97% positive that one thing has changed, and it has definitely been extremely hard (and at times, a little heartbreaking) but I think that, in the end, it will help me be more in the moment, and more focused. I have another thing that is changing and I know that it will be infinitely more difficult than the first thing, but I hope and pray that, in the end, it will help me be stronger, and be more sincere, and I hope it will help me cherish the people in my life better.

I know that things will be rough for a little bit while I get used to a new schedule, and new circumstances, and I'm sure that there will be some tears (I'll be okay though :D) but in the end, I will come out a stronger and better me, who is way more in control of her emotions (HA! Oops–I meant hopefully).

I know that God will be with me through this rough patch. He's been with me already. He's never left. I'm grateful for His hand in my life, and for His love and grace. I don't think I've ever needed Him more than while I've been away at school, dealing with new changes and new circumstances. I mean, yes, there was my super rough patch several years ago, and I needed Him then, and it was so hard, and He came through exactly at the right time, but this is way different. This is me trying to still get past that (I feel like I'm on the last hurdle and I can start sprinting to the end soon) and trying to grow up, and overcome it wholly. This is me trying to figure my life out, and where I stand, and who I want to stand with. God has placed people in my life that taught me lessons, and were blessings, and some who were both. And I am so grateful for the lessons I've learned, the blessings I've received, and the friends that I have made–I cherish them all. This is me trying to find me. I've had some trouble with that lately, I think, but I think I wasn't quite ready to find me yet. I wanted to, but I wasn't ready. This time, though...this time, I think I'm ready. This time, I can make the leap to finding myself. This time, I can do it. And God will be there.

Be anxiously engaged in good causes, including your own development.

Well, it's back to school season! Tomorrow all of my siblings in gradeschool (except our little kindergartener) start school. Halie starts at MATC on Tuesday. And I start school next Monday. And this year is going to be way different for a myriad of reasons but one most specifically is that I will be rooming with five other girls and I will have a kitchen. I'm so excited but also nervous and I hope that this year will be a good one. I think that it will be good for me (it being different for a myriad of reasons) but we all know I'm an emotional person who sometimes can't deal–I just really hope that I'll be able to deal this year. Progress is progress, and I've been making a little progress this summer and I hope that it will continue over the course of the school year.

My thoughts during the sacrament this week:
This past week has kind of been stressful for me because I've mentally been so ready to move out for awhile. But it has worked out this week and I've got 99.99% of my things moved out. The last things to be moved out are me, my violin, and one or two other things, which will be happening tonight. I'm just grateful that this past week was full of fun times with a cutie pie that I was watching this week. :) I'm also grateful that this upcoming week will mostly be me finishing putting my stuff away, figuring out how long it will take me to get to campus, getting my books, and scoping out my classes. I know that most of my worries were just in my head but I'm grateful that my Savior was there to help calm me because sometimes it was extremely frustrating and difficult (as things usually are with me), but as I look back on my week, my worrying and frustrating moments were probably not even a total of an hour throughout the whole week. What a blessing that was. I can pinpoint specific moments of worry but they didn't last very long and soon after I was soothed by my Savior. I've had to rely on Him a lot these past couple of weeks and He has always been there. He's listened and He's helped me do things I wanted to but couldn't, or that I didn't want to but needed to. 

We had some high councilmen speak in sacrament meeting today.
Brother Jones talked about faith:
-Faith is a principle of action and of power. 
-Do we show faith in our Heavenly Father, even if we feel He has let us down?
-We sometimes need to experience a trial of faith before the blessings will come. And they will come.
-Choosing faith in our Heavenly Father's plan and in our priesthood leaders will bless us.
-All things are possible.
-We can do hard things if we exercise our faith by choice.  
I loved his message. Sometimes we have to choose faith. Heavenly Father will bless us because of our faith. 
Brother Scoresby talked about the difference between joy and happiness:
-There is a difference between joy and happiness. 
-Joy is when you help people. Happiness is apple pie. 
-We care about those that are lost and we need to find them and help them. 
-When we minister to others we need to:
-Be obedient. Because Heavenly Father will be able to trust you and will send His Spirit to help you. 
He talked about ministering, and how he had a formula, which is:
-Remember their names. 
-Love people without judging them. 
-Watch over them and strengthen them spiritually (one by one; personally). 
-Become friends with them and visit them often.
I loved how he described the difference between happiness and joy. 

In Relief Society we talked about marriage, an eternal partnership. 
Obviously I'm not married, nor am I dating anyone (seriously or at all), but I still listened and paid attention because someday it's going to apply to me, and in the meantime, it can help me know what to look for in a relationship. Here's a couple of my favorite things that were said:
-The Lord expects us to pray for guidance but also to act and go forward with faith. 
-God won't let us do something that isn't good for us. He'll let us know when we're not doing what's right for us. 
-We have to acknowledge how the Spirit speaks to us. We have to be so close to Him and realize how He speaks to us. 
-Sometimes we need to be still within ourselves and listen. 
-"Be anxiously engaged in good causes, including your own development."
-Our conscious effort, not instinct, determines the success. 
-Take it to Heavenly Father and listen to the Holy Ghost. 
-As we follow the Spirit, we will be led in our marriage and in our families. 

I know that this year is going to be different. I know that I'm ready, though, and I know that my Savior will be there for me. I know that sometimes I will have to exercise faith, and I hope that I will be able to make the right decisions. I know that I'm going to want to help others and make them happy, and that will give me joy, but I also know that this might mean that I will forget about myself. I hope to be able to remember to help myself, too. I hope that I will go on more dates this year, but if not, I at least hope to be able to make more guy friends and get more comfortable around guys. I know that I can turn to my Heavenly Father for help in all areas of my life, and I hope to be able to set a schedule this year and make more time for my personal scripture study.

I wish us all luck as this new school year begins. I love you all and hope that you will turn to your Heavenly Father. I also hope that you will know that I am always there for you whenever you need to talk–I will listen.

Have a wonderful year!

Xoxo
Mattie

Make it a lifestyle, not a checklist.

I had the opportunity to sit in church by myself this morning and I was thinking about this during the sacrament: This weekend I had the opportunity to spend time with my mom's side of the family at our family reunion. I am so grateful for the knowledge I have that families can be together forever though the sealing power in the temple. I love my crazy, wonderful family and can't imagine life without them. I look forward to the day when I can be sealed to my future husband for time and all eternity. I am so thankful for the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ, which makes correction, perfection, resurrection, and eternal families possible. <3

Here's some messages I heard throughout today (and some I came up with because of something I heard) that I loved and wanted to share:
-The Lord is there to save us when we walk towards Him. Even when we doubt, He still saves us. He will always save us.
-In striving to be better, we need to rise above challenges and trials. They are tailored uniquely to us. Even if someone has gone through something similar, they do not and cannot understand how you felt during that trial. Only Jesus Christ has, can, and does understand how you feel.
-Ask for opportunities to be better! God will hear you and help you grow.
-Mistaks are a part uv the jurney. ;)
-"We get credit for trying." (Elder Holland, "Tomorrow the Lord Will Do Wonders among You"). Get back up and try again.
-One of the speakers shared some of the last words his father spoke, and one of the things he said that I loved was that, "Good things come to those who work hard for them."
-Alma 37:6. Take time for the small things that matter.
-Finding how the Lord communicates with you is so essential.
-An overall message of the Book of Mormon is to be spiritually born again and again and again (We are human, and the natural man is sometimes overpowering, and we have to strive to do right and be spiritually born again).
-Believing is so important. We need to have faith and believe.
-Just believing is okay. There is nothing wrong with believing and not having a knowledge of something.
-Strive to be worthy always so you may attend the temple.
-In following the commandments and trying to be worthy to attend the temple: Strive. Try. Make it a lifestyle, not a checklist. (I loved that last line. It applies to many aspects of the Gospel)
-The work we do in the temple is not just for us. It's for those who have gone before us.
-Don't take for granted the things you see every day.

In Relief Society, I shared a story of when I went to the temple this past year. One of my friends asked if I wanted to go with her and some others, and I said yes because I did. It was a great evening–I felt seen, loved, and wanted, and I received answers to my prayers. It was a very spiritual experience and I will never forget it. <3

I'm so thankful for inspired messages and comments. I heard many things today that I loved and that helped me in many ways. I'm so grateful for my Heavenly Father, who knows what I need to hear and how. I'm so thankful for my Savior, Jesus Christ, and for His atoning sacrifice, because without Him I would not be who I am today. He has helped me heal and grow in a way that I would not have been able to do by myself. I am still growing and healing, but I know that I can do it with the help of my Savior. <3 I know that you can do it, too. He is there for you through everything, and if you ever want to talk, I am willing to listen, and I want you to know that your Heavenly Father will always listen to you. He hears you–every word.

Xoxo
Mattie

He knows what you need to grow.

This is another little thought that I had last night (sometimes my late night thoughts are really profound):

"I'm dreaming and dreaming. Nothing's come true yet. I still have a ways to go, and a ways to dream. I've come so far, and yet it's not been far at all. It feels like one step forward is sometimes two steps backwards. Why is this so hard? How will this ever work out? I don't even know what I want anymore.
And then it hit me: I.
Yes, yes, I can still have dreams.
But Heavenly Father has a plan for me. A plan that includes dreaming, waiting, and not knowing.
Someday I'll know. And most days I wish that "someday" was today or tomorrow. But until my "someday", I just have to trust Him, and follow Him.
Occasionally there are the days that I forget–I forget my dreams, I forget my wants–and I just am.
Those days, while they may appear dreadfully dull on the outside (or even sometimes to me), are actually quite peaceful.
Just being is oftentimes a blessing in disguise."

Sometimes we get so caught up in what we want to happen that we forget that our Father in Heaven has a plan for us, and we forget to live.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
During the sacrament today, I was thinking about the sacrament hymn, "As Now We Take The Sacrament", and one line in particular stood out to me: "And silently we pray, For courage to accept thy will, To listen and obey". We pray for courage–courage to accept the Lord's will, and courage to listen and obey. We do not always know what's going to happen in our lives, or what the Lord is going to ask of us. But we need to pray for courage to accept His will. Sometimes it's really hard. Sometimes we want one thing, but the Lord has planned something else for us. Sometimes we may not understand why things happen, but we just need to trust Him. He knows what He's doing and He won't let us down. So we just need to have courage and trust Him.

One of my friends bore their testimony today and she said that (it's a little bit paraphrased), "Sometimes the way the Savior helps us is by letting us struggle. Struggle means there's growth. There's no growth in the comfort zone and no comfort in the growth zone."

I love that. Leaving your comfort zone is hard (I know), but it means you're growing and changing. Trust your Heavenly Father–He knows what you need to grow.