Thursday, June 30, 2016

Just a little poem. :)

I know it's the middle of the week but I was doing some deep thinking a couple days ago and I wrote this poem and I thought I'd share it. :)

In a big, dark room in the back of my mind, there's a single spotlight.
It's nothing big, just a little dream.
But it's heavy–a weight on my shoulders.
It shouldn't be this heavy–it's just a little dream–a wish.
But it's heavy. 
"What if" and "Oh, but it can't happen" thoughts drown out all the "It could happen"s of this dream. 
I'm drowning in a sea of thoughts, all made by me.
I've done all I can do to stop drowning but it's not enough. It's never enough.
So I kneel in prayer, and ask for strength and peace of mind.
And suddenly I'm lifted.
Finally I can breathe.
My thoughts aren't so heavy.
I look beside me to see my Savior, lifting with me.
What a comfort that is, to know He's always beside me.
Whatever happens–whether or not this dream will be–I know my Savior will be there. He'll help lift my burdens and fix all the broken pieces of me.
Someday this dream will be but a memory–a small piece of my life–and someday I'll be, and do, and have many things, bigger and better than I've ever dreamed to be, do, and have in my life.
But for now?
I'll dream.
I'll breathe.
I'll live.
I'll pray.
And I'll wait for the days when I get to see what my life is made of.
~"He Lifts Heavy Dreams" by Mattie Radke

Sunday, June 26, 2016

He hears, He waits, He loves.

It wasn't even a question what I was going to focus on today. It was set up so perfectly this morning.

Thoughts during the sacrament:
So I was listening to some music this morning while I was getting ready for church, and one song that played was one that I love called "Every Word" (it can be found here), and I was thinking about the sacrament hymn, "God Our Father Hear Us Pray", and I couldn't help but connect them and think, He hears us. He hears EVERY word. Unspoken, spoken, or hidden deep inside. He hears you. He always hears you. He hears your cries of desperation, your cries of longing, your cries of fear. He hears your prayers–prayers of answers long searched for, of the fear of failure, of pain you wish was gone. He hears it all. Don't think, even for a second, that you mean nothing to Him. Heavenly Father sent His Only Begotten Son to die for us, and Jesus Christ suffered and died for YOU. Our Savior suffered so that He could be with us every step of the way on our path. So don't you even doubt that He hears you, because I know that He does. He hears you, even if the answers don't come right away. I know that He will answer you when He knows that you're ready. And I know that He always hears you.

The main theme that the speakers touched during sacrament meeting was on obedience, which, to me was kind of...not necessarily needed, but needed...I know that doesn't make sense, and I apologize but I'm going to move on.

The first speaker mentioned the fact that Jesus Christ never questioned why, but He did it anyway. He may have questioned how, but never why. He just followed His Father's commandments exactly. Obviously we're human and we make mistakes, so we will never be able to follow the commandments exactly, but we can work on progressing with the help of our Savior. Heavenly Father lets us know the rules–what we need to do and how. He's not going to leave us in the dark; He lets us know, and He waits for us to begin–for the first time, or again.

The second speaker, Brother Huish, said something that I thought was cool. He said just because we may want to defy them (God's commandments) doesn't mean that they don't exist. He also said "Obedience leads to true freedom." He also quoted Joseph Smith, who said, "All persons are entitled to their agency for God has so ordained it". We all have our agency, and we can all choose whether or not to obey God's commandments, or the laws of the land, but we don't get to choose the consequences of our actions. Another thing he said was that, if we are striving to do all that we can, though we won't achieve perfection in this life, we can progress with our Savior's aid. David O. McKay once said, "Self-control means the government and regulation of all our natural appetites, desires, passions, and affections; and there is nothing that gives a man such strength of character as the sense of self-conquest, the realization that he can make his appetites and passions serve him and that he is not a servant to them." Basically, he is saying that we are in charge of our appetites and desires, not the other way around. The last thing that Brother Huish said was that the Savior is the key in all of this. And He is. He is the way, the truth, and the light. He is the only way back to our Heavenly Father.

In Gospel Doctrine we talked about foreordination, and how we are all pre-destined to be someone or do something in this life. We also talked a little about repentance, and how we shouldn't procrastinate repenting; someone said that as soon as they begin the repentance process, they feel better, so why procrastinate that change, and the peace that comes with it? One of the last thoughts I had at the end of the lesson was "God watches and waits for us to come to Him." And He does. Even if you don't go to Him, though, He will still be there, watching out for you.

Relief Society was great!! We're singing in church in a couple weeks and we started to practice the song today. I'm not going to tell you what song it is yet, but it is one of my favorites and it is one I've sung before (several times, if I'm not mistaken). :)

Anyway, the lesson was on Elder Oaks' talk from April 2016 conference entitled "Opposition In All Things". The sister who was teaching (I think her name was Ashley) said that struggle is needed for us to be strengthened, and this is so true. We can't become stronger if we are not tested. In order for us to have alternative choices and be able to use our agency, we need opposition. Trials are specifically tailored to us, to help us grow into who we are supposed to become. I was so grateful for something that one of the sisters said when she related an experience she'd had, which is one that I've kind of had, and we had reached similar conclusions in how to deal with it, and it was just a testimony to me (again) that we all go through similar experiences all the time, even if we don't know it. Even though she and I both want some things that aren't happening for us right now, we both have had similar experiences in getting an answer of sorts, and knowing that we are becoming who we are meant to be. She also said that the Lord doesn't make it easy for us, but He does make it possible. I love that. If we keep on trying, things will work out. Trials remind us that Heavenly Father has a plan for us that is so much bigger than we can even imagine! Trials are meant to refine us, and Heavenly Father will never give us anything to go through that we are not capable of going through. And when it becomes too much for us, we will always be able to lean on our Savior, and on our family and friends.

Heavenly Father loves us so much!! He wants us to be able to return to Him, but we have to become something better than we are now in order for us to be able to live with Him. So He gives us trials, experiences, and people in our lives that will help us become who He knows we can become. I know that He listens. I know that He wants what is best for us, and I know that He will not leave us alone on the path to becoming who we were meant to be. <3

Sunday, June 19, 2016

Heavenly Father is mindful of us.

Today during the sacrament I was just thinking about one line of the sacrament hymn we sung today: "Life evermore we'll know through Thee, our Friend." Sometimes I think we focus so much on how Jesus Christ is our Savior and Redeemer that we forget that He is also our friend. He will listen to our struggles and listen to our heartaches. He will be there to lift us up. First and foremost, He will love us always, no matter what. He's not just our Savior, He's our Elder Brother and Friend. He loves us and wants us to be able to live with our Father in Heaven.

A couple of thoughts that stood out to me as the speakers were speaking today were:
The first speaker talked about agency, and used Elder Christofferson's talk in conference entitled "Fathers".
-God loves us so much, but He doesn't make us follow Him. No one ever makes us do anything. 
-A quote from Elder Christofferson he used was this: "Challenges are at times an indication of the Lord’s trust in you. He can help you, directly and through others, to deal with what you face." I loved that. The Lord has given us agency, and challenges, because He trusts us. And if we falter, or fail, He will send us help.
After the first speaker a couple of my friends performed a beautiful musical number of "I Know That My Redeemer Lives" and it was so special; it was so great to hear them sing and bear testimony of our Savior.
The last speaker said, "Even as we have trials, Heavenly Father is mindful of us, and He knows our potential." I loved that.

Gospel Doctrine was great. We talked about how the Lord works, and how He calls us. The Lord works in many ways, some of which include helping us find a different way, letting us struggle first, preparing the way, and offering support. Someone said, "Heavenly Father is a God of miracles", and I loved that because it is so true. He can do mighty miracles, with and through us. Sometimes when the Lord calls us, we don't always know that He is calling us, or we don't exactly want to respond because we like being comfortable, or we're afraid that what He is asking us is difficult, or we don't recognize that it is Him. In order to be more receptive of when He calls us, we can ask Him! We can pray to understand and recognize how He calls us. We should also be doing the right things, and be in the right places. Our hearts need to be prepared to hear the word of God, and to hear Him when He calls us. Blessings will come when we do what the Lord has asked us to, and blessings will come when we work on our hearts. Someone shared this quote, which I thought was great: "There's no growth in the comfort zone, and there's no comfort in the growth zone." We can't grow if we don't take a leap of faith and step outside of our comfort zone. We will be blessed for it.

In Relief Society we talked about scripture study, and I loved what a couple of the sisters said: "We need to try and get something out of our study" (next to it I put #qualitystudy instead of quantity study). And the last thing that someone said was, "Sometimes we get distracted by what's going on around us and we forget to focus on the Savior and rely on Him." Scripture study is great, and you can learn so many things from it, but you have to be willing to put in the time and effort. Someone said that we live in a world where we want answers now, and the Lord doesn't always give us the answers right away. We need to be willing to work with Him to find the answers, and we need to be patient. He'll give us the answers when He knows that we're ready.

I'm so grateful for my Savior. I know that He is my friend, and I know that He listens to me when I am hurting and just want someone to listen. I know that He is also there to help me pick up the pieces and put them back together again. I know that He loves me, and I know that He forgives me, and I know that He was just waiting for me to forgive myself so that I can move on with Him beside me. I'm so grateful that He has been with me, and I am so grateful that He will always be with me. I know that I am blessed to be able to have Him beside me, and I am blessed to have so many friends and great examples in my life that He has sent to me. I'm so grateful for my Heavenly Father, and for His love and guidance. I know that He is always watching me, and I hope that He is proud of the woman that I am becoming because I have been trying so hard to be good, and do good, and change the world around me by changing myself, and I hope that He is proud of me. 

Last but not least, I'm so grateful for my dad, my grandpas, my uncles, and all of the great men in my life that I look up to. They are all great examples to me of how a man should treat his wife and children and I love them. Happy Father's Day! 

Sunday, June 12, 2016

Light at the end of the tunnel.

Had a very special experience this morning. I attended my friend's farewell talk this morning, and during the sacrament, I was just thinking about some things and I wrote a little something that I'd like to share with you (the italics are thoughts that I was thinking about adding and decided to just now):

During the sacrament I couldn't help but turn back to one of my bigger mistakes a couple years ago. And I felt nothing but peace about it. That's the first time I've ever felt peace about it. I think I've finally accepted that God has forgiven me, and I just needed to forgive myself. And I have. The hardest thing I've ever had to do was forgive myself, but I did it. I couldn't have done it without my Savior.
Now I can finally really move on and focus on the future. There may be times when I look back, but for once it won't be out of shame or regret. Yes, I do regret it and I'm sorry I had to go through that, but I am also not sorry that I had to go through it because it's changed me in many ways for the better, and my testimony of my Savior and the Atonement has grown. I can finally face myself. For the longest time I couldn't look back without berating myself. Now I can look back and know that there was light at the end of my tunnel. And that light was my Savior and my Redeemer. I'm so blessed to have been able to have Him by my side throughout the whole experience. 

There were a couple of things that were shared during the meeting that I loved and I'd liked to share them:
-Opposition permits us to grow into what our Heavenly Father wants us to become.
-Persistence is continuing to try even when in the midst of opposition.
-Rejoice in the Lord's blessings, even during the hard times (I loved this! I try to do this–sometimes it's hard–but I know that being positive during trials has helped me in many ways).
-Don't give up when the pressure mounts (That's just Satan trying to get you to turn away from God. Don't give up! Press forward! Turn to your friends and family...they love you and want to help you).
-The Lord blesses those who want to improve and strive for Christlike qualities.
-God will never desert us, no matter what. He will stand with us.

I know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel!! That light is our Savior, Jesus Christ. It might take you a little while, but you will eventually get there, I promise. He will never leave you alone. He wants you to return. He loves you and wants what is best for you. I know that there may be times where it seems hopeless, and it seems like you will never get out of the deep dark hole or tunnel, but I promise you that He is there for you. He is there. He loves you. I know that with His help, we can be healed, and we can be forgiven, and we can return. <3 <3

Sunday, June 5, 2016

"My kindness shall not depart from thee."

Oftentimes a lot of thinking goes into what I'm going to post. Sometimes I don't know exactly what I want to say or focus on. Today was one of those days.

I was thinking all day about what to post–and today I've been up since 7. I turned on my church/inspirational playlist on my iPod this morning, hoping that something would stand out, because usually it does. Nothing was standing out to me. Disheartened, I headed off to the singles ward with my sister this morning. What followed was perhaps the best answer to unspoken prayers and pleas that I've ever received.


Today is Fast Sunday, so everyone was given the opportunity after the sacrament to bear their testimonies. The Bishop was the first one to give his testimony, and I am so grateful for his testimony! He mentioned a couple of things that I specifically needed to hear, and he talked a lot about hope. One of the things that he mentioned that I loved was that we don't need confirmation for all of the decisions in our life. He then followed with the thought that Heavenly Father will let us know when we're off the path–not necessarily because of sin, but maybe we took a wrong turn–and He will direct us back. I had kind of already known that, but the way he said it and then followed it was so profound to me. 


In another testimony, someone said that Heavenly Father answers our prayers, even when we think He's not listening. And then they said that He wants us to be happy–truly happy–and we can't do it on our own. And they were right–we can't do it on our own. 


One of the last people to give their testimony said He is aware of us and wants us to succeed, and He sets us free from the things that hold us back. And He does–He puts people in our lives to help us, and He removes those people that we don't need in our life anymore, as well as many other things, to help us succeed.


Pretty much every single person (hahaha that was an accident, I swear) that bore their testimony talked about God's love for us, which I felt was for me.


In Relief Society, the trend continued, and one of the first things that the teacher said was that Heavenly Father's love for us is perfect. It's hard for us to imagine, seeing as how we live in an imperfect world, but His love for us is perfect. His purpose is to help us return to Him (Moses 1:39). Sometimes, someone said, He lets us struggle. But He's always there to help us. 


Sort of going off of that, one of the sisters said that she, too, (though to her it wasn't an "as well" moment) had noticed the message of God's love and that she had needed it. 


And that made me think: I've always known that we all have struggles, but usually they're all different struggles at the same time–one person may struggle with feeling the Spirit, or with doing visiting teaching or whatever–and I've never really had people with the same struggles mention it, at least. Never has it ever been so real to me that we all struggle. And sometimes we all struggle with the same things. 


She also said something about her niece and brother and then related that to our Heavenly Father that I definitely needed: her niece has muscle problems, and she said that she was watching her brother and niece, and they were both on their tummies, and he was facing his daughter, his face right in her face. She said her niece hates tummy time, so she was trying to push up. Her brother said (paraphrasing), "I know, baby, I know it's so hard right now, but it's good for you, and someday you'll have it down and it'll be so easy, I promise." And she then said that Heavenly Father is right there with us, watching us, helping us. He knows it's hard, and that we're struggling, but He also knows that we can do it. We can do it, and He is right there to help us when we need it. 


While I was writing this up, my playlist was playing in the background, and this song stood out to me. This song is sung from our Heavenly Father to us. He's saying that He will be there for us! He loves us and He will be with us. His kindness will never leave us because He will never leave us. One of the lines in the song is "How long can rolling waters remain impure?" and that stood out to me because during sacrament meeting, someone bore their testimony about that and said that they can't; we are given trials and struggles to help refine us. Then she said that Christ walks on those rolling waters, so fear not. I also want to throw in this line of the song that is my absolute favorite: "So hold on thy way, for I shall be with thee. And mine angels shall encircle thee. Doubt not what thou knowest, fear not man, for he cannot hurt thee." The bolded phrase is my favorite because it reminds me of President Uchtdorf's famous quote, "Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith."

I was blessed today in many ways that were unexpected but needed, and I am so grateful for those that were willing to share their thoughts today. 


God loves us so much! He loves me, and He also loves you. He is always there for us when we need help, strength, and guidance. He sends us people and experiences that we need when we need them, or before we need them, and often also during the time that we need them. He lets us walk our path on our own, but when we are going the wrong way, He will guide us back. He will never let us walk alone, and He will never leave us alone. 


You are loved, you are wanted, you are needed, and you are here for a reason. Find that reason! Find your passion, and go after it. You have something to give to this world that no one else can give. God will help you find your reason, and He will help you to be able to give what you can give. <3