God is mindful of you and of your journey.

What a crazy week! My root canal went better than I expected, but I definitely am still in a little bit of pain. School has been fairly okay this week, and I was blessed to have had it be pretty simple after the root canal.

I am so excited for General Conference this weekend!! I'm so excited to be able to hear from our leaders and hear what they have to say to us!!

I am thankful for the love and support of my Father in Heaven this week. I am so thankful to be able to depend on Him in my life.

I had a lot of short and sweet thoughts during fast and testimony meeting today.

-Not only does our Savior stand by us, but we stand by Him! Because He loves and trusts us to do all that He needs us to do.
-Heavenly Father hears our prayers, and is so mindful of us.
-We really had to have so much faith and trust in Jesus Christ before we came here to earth. We knew we would make mistakes, but we trusted that He wouldn't make a mistake so that we could return to live with our Heavenly Father.

I am so grateful for the journey that I've been on in my life. It's taken me to places I never thought I'd be, and it's brought people to me that I never knew I needed, but somehow they were exactly what I needed.

I'm so thankful for a Heavenly Father who knows what I need and when. I'm grateful for miracles and blessings, and I'm grateful for peace and light.

Nobody knows me better than my Father in Heaven, and I'm grateful that He is guiding me to be who I need to be. I have grown a lot in the past couple of months, and I'm honestly so proud of who I am right now. I've still got some learning to do, as we all do, but I know that I am where I am meant to be, and I know that I am who I am meant to be. God is very aware of the growth that I've needed, and He is very aware of the journey that I need to take.

Life is crazy sometimes, and sometimes I don't know what's gonna happen in my life. But I know that  my Heavenly Father is always going to be there for me, and I know that He is never going to leave me alone. He is always going to be right beside me, and He is always going to want me to stand by Him, as long as I am doing my part to share His love with everyone around me.

I hope you all have a wonderful week!

Xoxo
Mattie

Do we love God even through the hard times?

Well it's been quite a week! I found out I have to get a root canal! 😩 So that's not exciting. If you could please pray for me, my appointment is Tuesday morning at 11:30. 

Aside from that, however, it was a pretty uneventful week. This weekend, though, was pretty eventful! BYU won our football game against McNeese State, so that was awesome!! I loved cheering for my Cougars!! #proudtobleedblue But I was so unmotivated yesterday!!!! Ugh!! I have a lot of things due this week and I didn't get nearly as much done as I wanted to. 😞  It doesn't help that I've been super tired the last couple of days. I think it's because I've been taking a lot of meds for the pain from my tooth...and it seems like they make me sleepy. 😴

ANYWAY. Enough about my life this week. 

Heavenly Father. He's amazing. He really is. I'm blessed that I was able to get an appointment for the root canal so soon. Like, I literally went to the dentist last Wednesday, called the endodontist's office on Thursday, and got an appointment for Tuesday morning. #blessings

I also was able to make a list of all the things I've got due this week. So even though I didn't get as much done as I wanted, I know exactly what I need to do for homework this week and by what day. #smallvictories

And the best part of the week was the fact that I was able to spend some time with an older gentleman in the rehab center I've started volunteering in for one of my classes, and he reminded me so much of my Great-Grandpa Harker. It was just such a blessing, and brought back some great memories. #familiesareforever

I was thinking during the sacrament today, as I always do. It's a beautiful time I have each week to ponder, and prepare for the upcoming week. 

Today I was thinking about how sometimes it's hard to remember all the things that I have covenanted with my Heavenly Father. And I'm sure that, during the week, I have not done all that I should do. But I am grateful for the opportunity I have each Sunday to partake of the sacrament, and be cleansed, and renew my covenants with Him. I am grateful for all of the chances that He has given me, and continues to give me, to try again. It just reaffirms to me how important I am to Him, and how much He loves me, if He keeps giving me chances to try again and do what's right every day. Some people don't get it–they don't get what I believe, and they judge my church, and my beliefs, when they don't don't even know what my church is really about–but honestly, when it comes down to it, I don't care. I don't care, because they haven't honestly taken the time to try and understand. They see what they want to see. They don't see what I see. They don't know what I believe. I know what I believe, and I know my Heavenly Father. He is a loving God–a loving Father–who gives all of His children blessings, and opportunities to better themselves. But we all have the ability to choose for ourselves what we do, how we live, and what we believe. I am blessed to have a wonderful support system of friends and family who believe what I do, but also one of loved ones who support my decisions and beliefs, whether or not they agree with them. 

"True ministering is accomplished one by one with love as the motivation." ~Sister Bingham, April 2018 General Conference
I loved this quote that was brought up in Relief Society today!!! I am SO SURE that the answer to all of the world's problems is ministering as the Savior did and does!! One by one, and with love!! 

Something that was brought up near the end of Relief Society really stuck with me... Heavenly Father is always aware of me. Am I as consistently aware of Him?

Sunday School was awesome. Someone said something that I LOVED!!!!! We were talking about Job (who lost literally everything he had in life and he still loved and worshipped God with all of his heart, and then he was blessed in the end with everything he had lost and more replaced), and so we were talking about why bad things happen to good people. And someone said that, "The test of a true disciple is: do we love God even through the hard times????" I loved that!!!! We are imperfect people living in an imperfect world, and sometimes life happens. Sometimes we're put into the refiner's fire to learn and be taught, and be crafted into a new version of us. But we have to have faith that the blessings will come. It's easy to love and trust in God when life is good. But do we love Him even when life is hard? Do we love and trust Him enough to have the faith not be healed? Do we have the faith to take His will into account? 

Even though things aren't always going to go right, we can have faith that God knows everything, and He loves us! He has our best interests at heart, and He is always right beside us! He lifts us when we can't stand or walk on our own, and He will never let us down. 

I'm blessed to have the best people in my life right now, and I'm so, so, so thankful for the blessings I've received this week. I know that God is watching out for me, and I know that He loves me so much. I love Him and am so blessed to be able to call on Him when I need to, and I am so blessed to be able to depend on Him to help me when I need it. 

I hope you have an amazing week! Life is wonderful–you just have to look! 💜

Xoxo
Mattie

I do not know everything, but I know enough.

It has been a little bit of a crazy week but I'm glad it's over!! I have hope this next week will go a little more smoothly!

Today I was thinking during the sacrament about how grateful I am for my Savior!! I am so grateful that He patiently waits for me to be ready. Forgiving yourself can be really, really hard, but once you have, your life becomes so peaceful and happy! I am grateful for the lessons I have learned in my life,  but I hope to never again experience that long period of time where I felt so uncomfortable with who I was. I believe that my inability to forgive myself has been one of the main reasons I have been unable to fully hear my Father in Heaven. But now that I have come to forgive myself, and am taking medication for my anxiety and depression, and am trying to study my scriptures every day, I believe my ability to hear Him is no longer clouded by noise. And though I do not know what the future holds for me, I am so, so blessed to be able to say, "I am just trying to take things one step at a time." There are times where my anxiety/depression takes over, but I am more capable now to shut it down as quickly as I can. God has really blessed me in the last year, and I am full of gratitude for His love, assistance, and guidance. He has blessed me immensely in the last couple of months, too, and I am so, so grateful for that. His love and the peace that I have felt in my life recently is a blessing in my life.

Today was our ward conference, and one thing that I loved that was talked about was the fact that sometimes we might have our own '4-9' season, but we can make the changes we need (with the help of our Father in Heaven) to have a perfect–or close to perfect–season. 

There have been a lot of changes in the church recently, and one of the Stake Presidency said that it is because the leaders are trying to help us become a more righteous people. They are trying to help us minister as the Savior did and does. 

Alex talked in our Relief Society meeting today about anxiety and depression. She said that perfection is our ultimate goal, but we need to be realistic. It's not going to happen in this life. So we need to be kind to ourselves. And most of all, we need to never lose faith in Heavenly Father. We are vessels in the hands of a divine potter. He is molding and sculpting us to be the best person that we can be. She also said that broken minds and hearts can be healed just like broken bodies. I love that and KNOW it to be true!! 💜💜

Sister Card said that when we are in the darkness, we are more likely to lose hope. Darkness does not mean there is not light, though. Often it means that we are in the wrong place to receive the light. We can choose to walk in Christ's life. With His light comes HOPE and HEALING. 💜

We do not need to be perfect. But we do need to be good at getting better. 💜

The light of the Gospel of Christ will cut through the darkness, confusion, and discouragement. 💜

Learn to love you, right where you are. 💜💜💜

Be grateful for the small victories. 💜

Sometimes it takes time to forgive yourself. He's already forgiven you; He is just waiting for you to catch up. 💜💜💜

Revelation from God brings (and is) PEACE. 💜

I do not know everything, but I know enough. I know that my Savior loves me. I know that my Heavenly Father wants me to be happy, and I know that He wants me to return to live with Him someday. I know that, as I minister to those around me, and as I love and serve my friends and family, that I will be blessing those around me, and that I will be blessed for blessing them. I know that I am a daughter of God, and I know that I am loved by the most Divine Being. I know that He is always there for me, and I know that He has blessed me with so many beautiful friendships that can help me and others to know that we are never alone. I know that nothing is impossible with God if it is His will, and I know that together, He and I can do marvelous things. 💜

I hope you have a lovely week! And I hope you have a peaceful Sabbath day. 💜

Xoxo
Mattie

Blessings come in all shapes and sizes.

My first week of my senior year of college is done!! It looks like it's going to be a good semester! Busy, yes, but good! I've been feeling a little under the weather the last couple of days, so that hasn't been fun, but I've been able to rest a lot this weekend, so that has helped a lot.

I've learned a lot this week!! In a lot of different aspects, but especially in the spiritual aspect. I've learned that God blesses you when you are trying to do your best. I have been trying to read my scriptures every day this week, and that made it easier to get through this first week of school, especially with me being under the weather. I have also been able to depend on my friends this week. That has been such a blessing. My roommate was able to give me a ride home from the concert I went to on Friday, and I was able to get a ride to and from my friend's reception yesterday from my friends who went to it as well. I was able to have some bonding time with my roommate this weekend, and that was fun. I have some adventures to look forward to this semester, and that makes me really excited! :)

This week has made me excited for the rest of the semester, but also a little nervous! Haha but I'm hoping that I'll be able to stay ahead of the game and that I'll be able to do my best. I am hoping that I won't need to do any homework on Sundays this year since I don't have classes on Fridays, and I can just work on my homework while I'm at work (#blessthecomputerlab), and then I can finish anything I don't get done on Saturdays. I know that God is looking out for me because I just felt like I needed more hours for homework last winter and so I tried to make sure that I would get more hours for homework this semester and it has worked really well so far! I finished all of Monday's homework and half of Tuesday's homework yesterday! So I'm going to try really hard to keep up with homework  this semester. And I'm going to make time for studying my scriptures each day.

I got a blessing earlier this week and in the blessing, I was told that Heavenly Father loves me so much, and as I turn to Him, He will help me with any trials I have. And as I try to be healthy, I will feel better and be healthier. I have seen that a little bit already, and I am excited to see it throughout the rest of the semester.

I'm really, really grateful for the things I've been through this week. They've helped me realize that God is looking out for me. I am so excited to see what this semester (and year!) will bring me!!

Kindness begins with me.

I can't believe I'm starting school this week!! This is my last year of college!!! I'm so excited and so NERVOUS!! But I think it'll be a fantastic year!! :)

I thank God every day for the fact that I have made it as far as I have. In school, in life...I am so, so thankful for the happiness that I feel, and the love, and the peace. I have been a little stressed about this school year, but also I have just been able to accept it. I'm so thankful for the last couple of weeks I've had before school and after working at Bear Lake to rest and relax and get ready for the school year. It's been a blessing to have this time for myself with hardly any responsibilities (don't get me wrong–I had plenty of things to do).

I am grateful for the lessons that I have learned not only in all my time at college, but especially in the past year. I have learned and grown a LOT! And I can't wait to see where this next school year takes me!! I have high hopes that this year will be the best one by far!!

Today I subbed for Porter's class in Primary. I was super nervous, considering the fact that I don't think I've ever taught in Primary–actually, I don't think I've even ever taught a lesson period. Wait...maybe one time. But it was a long time ago and I was 12. It's been awhile.

Anyway.

The lesson that I taught today was on loving one another. In John 13: 34-35, it says, "A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another." We talked about how commandments are laws that Heavenly Father gives us to bless us and help us return to Him. I am so thankful for the example of our Savior, Jesus Christ, on how to love one another. We talked about when Jesus healed the 10 Lepers, when He fed the 5000, and when He stayed with the Nephites, and blessed and healed them. Jesus did all of these things because He loved the people. Just as Jesus did, we, too, can serve, bless, and love those around us. We need to bless and serve those around us and let them know we love them because everyone wants to be loved. Everyone wants to know that they are loved. We need to do the best we can to be like Jesus and obey Him and our Heavenly Father. We are here to learn and grow, and by obeying the commandments, we can learn and grow.

I've learned a lot this summer, and this past year, and one thing that stands out to me as I look back over the year is this: everyone deserves to be treated with respect and loved. Even if you don't agree, even if you have had issues in the past...everyone deserves to be treated with respect and loved. There are a lot of things that have happened this past year that have been hard for me to deal with. Sometimes they were my fault, and sometimes they weren't. Sometimes I dealt with them, and sometimes I didn't. But I have learned how to deal with things. I have learned how to choose to be happy, and I have learned how to accept and let go of people and experiences.

Life is hard. You can't make people do anything. You have to deal with their choices and they have to deal with yours. But you can always be the bigger person. You can always show them love and kindness, no matter what they do. Even if they don't show you the same courtesy. You will never regret being kind or loving.

I wrote a poem this summer that I wanted to share with you. :)

I Can Fly, by Mattie Radke

I can fly over the garden wall, past the sea, beyond the wind, and far away from the depths of depression in my mind. 

I can fly over the parts of me that yearn to change for you. 

I can fly past the parts of me that want to be exactly like you. 

I can fly beyond the visions of me, wishing I was as funny as you. 

I can fly far away from the depths of depression that lead me to believe I'm not as amazing as you. 

The lesson I've learned throughout my summer is be yourself–not because everyone else is taken, but because the world has need of you!

I wrote this poem when I was kind of feeling a little bit down. I was trying hard to try to fly, like I was talking about in the poem, but as I'm reading it now, I realize that when I wrote it, I was only hoping and wishing that I could fly. I wasn't really flying. But now, I think I have been able to fly. I've been working on my relationship with my Savior, and that has really helped. I'm not perfect at it [flying], and sometimes I still struggle, but not only since I wrote the poem have I changed, but the past couple weeks have been amazing, and I've realized that I don't need to change for anyone–I am who I am, and that's fantastic! I am amazing and funny and beautiful and I give a lot to this world. And if I have the right people in my life, they will (and do) love me for who I am.

You give so much to this world! You are special, and unique, and amazing, and wonderful, and beautiful, inside and out. And I love you. And God loves you. There is no one on Earth who can do what you do, or give to this world what you give. I am thankful for you!! I am thankful that you are here. I am thankful that you are you. I am so happy that you have a passion–whatever it is–and that you follow it. I hope you know how much you are loved and how much you are admired by those around you. And I hope that you will tell those around you how much you love and admire them. Everyone needs to be told that they are appreciated and loved.

I hope you all have a wonderful week!! Happy September!! :)

Xoxo
Mattie