Sunday, October 28, 2018

As we take time for Him, He makes time for us.

In thinking about all the things that I have had to do the last couple of weeks, and how low-key stressed it has made me, I am surprised I haven't had a meltdown yet. Haha I'm just kidding! But seriously, I am surprised that I have remained relatively as calm as I have. I have realized lately that I am often struggling to balance between all of the things on my to-do list. Trying to find the perfect balance is difficult, and takes a lot of time.

So what can we do? What can be done to help us balance between all of the good things in our lives?

Well, I am going to tell you some of the things that I do that help alleviate some of the stress, and help me balance my week.

First, I write everything down in my planner. I write down what, where, and when. If I need to take anything with me, I write that down, too. Any appointments, any meetings, all of my classes, all of my work shifts–all of it. Under my classes, I write down the homework due for that day, so I can know what I have to do. Sometimes there are specific times the homework is due, so I'll write that down, too.

Second, I determine what is most important. What can I absolutely not get away with skipping this week? What can I delay doing for a short time? Generally, I work on larger or more time-consuming school projects first, and then I work on the leftovers (which is usually just reading assignments). I make notes in my journal about what I am doing first–I actually haven't tried colors, but I just had an idea to try highlighting the most important things. That's a good idea. I'll have to try that.

Third, I have to put away all distractions. This is the hardest one, I feel like. Our world is full of distractions, and it's hard to put them away sometimes. But I have discovered a few cool tricks.
The first one is for my computer. I discovered that Safari has an extension that helps me. It's called "Waste No Time", and you can find more information here. You can either block specific websites forever, or you can block them for certain times of the day. I have done that. I have blocked social media sites from 8-12 and from 1-5 Monday thru Friday. Any time I forget and try to go on Facebook, or Instagram, it directs me back to the Google home page (because that is what I picked for it to go to. You can choose any other website). Honestly it has really blessed my life! I am able to focus more and get more done.
The second one is for my phone. I have an iPhone, and a new iOS update has this new feature, "Screen Time". You are able to choose many different options of monitoring your screen time, according to your needs. It resets every night at midnight. As far as I can tell, there is no actual option to completely block apps, but I have been able to get around that: I would set the specific apps that I wanted to block for the day, and I set the time for one minute. In addition to all of the apps that I really wanted to block for the day, I would pick a random one that I do not use all that often, and then I would mess around on that app for a minute, and afterwards, every other app that I wanted blocked–including the random one–would be blocked for the rest of the day. 
Fourth, I pick a few different fun things to do as part of my breaks/downtime that day. For example, on Mondays and Wednesdays, I have classes from 10:30a to 3p, with a short 45 minute break between two of my classes. During that time, I eat lunch and I usually watch an episode of a TV show I am watching. If I am not quite finished with my readings for my last class, I will instead read for class. On Thursdays, I am busy all day, from 7:45a to 8p. Usually during my morning work shift, I am finishing up my homework for my classes that day, so that when 12p comes around, and I'm off work, I can watch something, or read something for fun, before class at 1:35p. Sometimes, I just want to listen to music, though, so some days I'll listen to music all day instead of watch something.

Last but not least, I have personal study time. At some point during the day, I take time to study my scriptures for me, and pray to Heavenly Father. I prefer reading my scriptures in the afternoon/evening, but sometimes in the morning when I am on top of things, I will study while waiting for the bus. Each night, I take time to speak with my Father in Heaven, and ask Him for help with things I have going on the next day or two.

These are just some of the things that I have found to help me. They are not for everyone, and they are adapted each and every day, it seems like. Every day is new, and different, and so each day demands different things of me. Some days, I have a ton of free time, and so I work on my homework for the next couple of days. Some days, I am a little behind, and I don't have as much free time as I'd like, and so I have to really buckle down and make sure that I am getting things done. Even then, as I stated at the beginning of this post, I am still struggling to find a balance between everything I have to do.

But I know that, as I take the time to study my scriptures, and pray to Heavenly Father, He will bless me. As I take time to serve my friends, He will bless me. As I take time that I need to do important things for school or work, and instead use it to strengthen my relationship with Him, and with others, He will bless me, and lengthen my time. Somehow, He makes it so I have enough time for all that I have to do.

Elder Uchtdorf gave a talk eight years ago in the October 2010 General Conference in which he discusses the things that matter most. I highly suggest you read it. Or watch him give it. That's actually a better suggestion.

I know we are all busy, and some days don't go as planned. Some days, we are only able to read one or two scriptures before our eyes droop so bad that we can't read it any more. Some days we plan to actually make food for dinner but end up either grabbing a burger or just making a Nutella and jam sandwich.

I also know that God is with us, and that He helps us through the bad days. I know that He sees us trying. I know that He blesses our efforts. I know that if we try our best, and ask God for help, nothing can get in our way.

I hope everyone has a good week and a safe Halloween!! Please keep track of your littles and be aware of children with allergies.

God loves you very much and has great plans for you!!

Xoxo
Mattie

Sunday, October 21, 2018

He gives us peace.

I am so grateful for the week that I've had. Even though I totally did not do super great on my midterms this week, I know that I tried my best, and that's all that matters. I have another midterm this week, and there's some meetings I've got this week for a few different projects, but I think that I will do better on my midterm this week.

I've been reading The Book of Mormon every day this week, and one of my favorite verses in the books of Nephi has always been 1st Nephi 9:6, which says, "But the Lord knoweth all things from the beginning; wherefore, he prepareth a way to accomplish all his works among the children of men; for behold, he hath all power unto the fulfilling of all his words." This is one of my favorite scriptures because it's a reminder to me that Heavenly Father has a plan just for me, and He is helping me find it. He's helping me through it. All of the things that I am going through...all of the things that have happened in my life...are leading me to who I need to be, and where I need to be.

Recently, I have decided that it's time that I focus on my testimony, and spiritual self. I am really excited–I have been working on it a for a few weeks and have already seen some blessings in my life.  I have been more in tune with the Spirit lately, and I have been feeling more at peace. This semester has been really amazing–I haven't had a lot of crazy weeks, and I've been on top of my homework like nobody's business. I'm really excited to be graduating at the end of this school year, and I have a few fun ideas for after I graduate.

I have a challenge for you guys. For my Preparation for Marriage class, one of our assignments is to do a bunch of little experiential assignments, and one of the options we had was to write a love letter to ourselves. We could only write positive things, and I learned a lot about myself. I challenge you to write a love letter to yourself. I promise that it will be enlightening about who you are, and I know that you will come to love yourself a little more as you think about your personality traits, attributes, and all of the beautiful parts of who you are.

I am so thankful for my Father in Heaven, who blesses me and loves me. He has inspired me to confront my fears, learn to love my flaws, and bless those around me despite what's going on in my life.

Church was amazing today! I learned a lot of things I need to do to improve myself and my attitude about certain things in my life. I was able to meet my new ministering elders today and they were so sweet and willing to give me a blessing. I am so thankful for the blessing! It was really special and sweet and I know that my Father in Heaven is listening and watching out for me. I know that He cares for me and wants what is best for me. That blessing was an answer to my prayers and I am so blessed and so thankful for the sweet blessing from my Father in Heaven.

I love my Heavenly Father and my Savior. I love the path that I am on in life right now. I am not perfect, and my life is not perfect, but right now I am doing what I need to be doing, and I am where I need to be.  Even though I don't understand some of the things that I am going through, I am so blessed to have loving Heavenly Parents who are there for me, and who have given me wonderful friends and family to depend on.

Philippians 4:7: "And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

Xoxo
Mattie

Sunday, October 14, 2018

God loves. So I love.

What a week! It's been really crazy, and yet, overall it's been really great, and so easy. This semester has–for the most part–not been super stressful, which I appreciate greatly. Especially considering next semester might be slightly more crazy, especially if I end up taking as many credits as I have sitting in my cart currently (which is 18, fun fact).

I had the opportunity to go to the temple yesterday with my friend and it was absolutely the best thing!! It was exactly what I needed! I love going to the temple, and I especially love hanging out with my friends! Yesterday was like the best day ever! I got a lot of stuff done and I just felt really, really great! I'm so pumped for this week even though I've got like two tests opening on Thursday.

I have been on a social media fast for the last seven days, and I still have three more to go, but honestly, it has been the BIGGEST BLESSING in my life!!! That kind of shocked me, actually! I am absolutely in love with social media, and in keeping up with my friends and family, but these past seven days have been so wonderful! I've been more focused and on top of things. I also never thought that I would be able to actually do a social media fast, I love it so much. But I did! I'm so proud of myself!!

In the midst of my social media fast, I have filled my time with:

  • homework
  • scripture study
  • listening to the Spirit
  • communicating with my friends and family via text or in person
  • going to the temple
  • focusing on myself
  • figuring out some of my goals for the school year
  • realizing my potential, my purpose, and what I have to offer the world
Now, I'm not saying that I don't do those things when I am not on a social media fast, but sometimes it is a bit harder to do. I am excited to see where not only the rest of the semester takes me, but the rest of the school year! I have a lot of exciting plans for the next several months and I can't wait to see what happens! After my social media fast is over, I have decided that I still want to implement some aspects of the social media fast. I want to only go on at certain times of the day for a certain amount of time, and only if I do not have any major projects or assignments to do. I honestly spend SO MUCH of my time on social media. It's honestly a problem, and I've always known that, but this social media fast has really opened my eyes to 1) how bad it is, and 2) how I can overcome it.

God knows my heart. He knows how much good I have in me. And He knows what I have needed to help me realize my worth and potential. 

I have been thinking for about a year and a half about going through the temple, but I have had some things in my life that have made it hard for me to feel worthy, even though I have repented. This summer, as most of you know, I had the amazing opportunity to go work at a scout camp up at Bear Lake! Up until this social media fast, it was the biggest blessing in my life (though it honestly still is one of the biggest blessings in my life) because I grew so much this summer!! I absolutely loved being up at Bear Lake, even though work was crazy, I was always tired, and I didn't always feel like I got enough people interaction. 

ANYWAY.

The point of that little segue was this: while at Bear Lake this summer, I tried to focus on myself, and my relationship with God, and forgiving myself. And it worked. By the end of the summer, I finally felt like I could forgive myself, and I felt like I was finally starting to hear God speak to me again! I was elated and couldn't be happier! I felt like it wasn't quite so dark in my life anymore.

I had about three weeks from the time I got home to the time I had to go back to school, and I was SO excited to go back to school! I couldn't wait to get learning and finish up my college career and GRADUATE! Ah! I couldn't stand it. Finally, the semester started! I was still feeling good and thinking about going through the temple, but it wasn't entirely the focus on my mind anymore. I had started seeing this guy and was really excited about getting to know him more. In addition to that, I had many projects to work on for school. 

There came a point in the middle of September when I was starting to question (as I often do) my purpose in this life, and what I am here for. I never understand it, I feel like, but sometimes I question if I even have a purpose.

In the week before General Conference, I had a prompting to send some inspiring messages to some of my friends, and as I pondered messages to send, I couldn't help but hope that I wasn't crazy and that what I sent them was actually what they needed. Turns out, God is all knowing! And somehow I sent them exactly what they needed.

Remember that guy I was seeing? Well, after about a month and a half, the relationship ended. I was devastated, but couldn't wait for conference to start the next morning so I could feel God's love. I was hoping for answers for some things that I was thinking about–including going through the temple. And in the first talk, I received some answers. Eagerly I awaited each talk, and somehow, I found something in every. single. talk. That answered one of my questions. Even questions I hadn't written down.

And as for the questions that I struggle with daily: Am I really needed here on earth? Is there something I can do even though I don't know what I want to do for the rest of my life as a career? Is there something I can do to help me not feel useless, and to help me realize my potential? Do I have a purpose right now, and even after now? 

I did have a purpose!! God needs disciples, and I am one of His disciples!! God needs people to minister to His children, and love them, and I am one of His ministers! I am someone who loves His children deeply! 

I give something to this world that no one else does: I give undying, endless love and compassion. No one loves like I do.

By the end of conference, I was feeling so, so loved, and I was feeling so warm and happy, and grateful. I realized that I am worthy enough to start preparing to go through the temple, and I realized that not only do I have a purpose in this life, but I am loved, too. I am loved by so many people. I realized that right now, what I need is to focus on my testimony, and my spiritual preparation and journey to go through God's holy temple. I needed to focus on ministering to those around me, and making sure that they know that they are loved. 

In this last week, I have received many more answers about other questions and goals that I have, and I am feeling good about going forward. 

I have been deeply afraid of a lot of things recently...but one of the lessons I have really learned and come to understand lately is this: God gives peace and comfort. And God knows you. He knows what you need, and He is always trying to help you understand what you need, and what He needs you to do. 

Today in Relief Society we learned about not being troubled, and my roommate gave an extremely profound comment that I loved. She said, "Fear drives us to Christ." I loved that. As we were talking about things that dispel fear, we discovered that the things that help the most to dispel fear come from God. And that our love for Him and His Gospel dispels fear. I do not need to fear anything about life. For one, I have God on my side. And for two, if I fear God more than I fear man (be in awe of His strength and power), and anything about life, I will be blessed to be able to work with God, and use my fear of Him to press forward steadfastly with faith, and bless His children. When I turn to Him, my fears fade away.


I know that God blesses us. I know that He sends us answers not only when we ask for them, but when we need them–even if we didn't know that that was a question we were seeking an answer for. I know that He loves us all–we are His children, and He created us. 

It's so easy to love other people, but it's a lot harder to love yourself. I've been working really hard on that since the summer, and even though I'm not perfect at it, I am in a better place today than I was then. I really do love myself, and I am blessed to be able to see past my imperfections most of the time. I hope to someday just honestly love myself fully for who I am like I do with my friends and family. That is my goal. I know that God is helping me learn to love myself and see past my flaws. I know that I see past my loved ones' flaws, and I see past a few of my own, but I still have a ways to go. 

I hope and pray that you all know that God loves you, blesses you, and wants what is best for you. I hope you know that I love you and pray for you every day, and that I wish only the best for you in life.


Xoxo
Mattie

Sunday, October 7, 2018

General Conference brings answers, blessings, and peace.

What a weekend it's been!! It was General Conference weekend!!! And there were a lot of messages shared that I definitely needed. 💜 And there were some changes to the Sunday meetings schedule that are going to have a wonderful impact on our church, I just know it.

I am so thankful for the love that our Heavenly Father has for us!! I am so grateful for the love that I have felt from Him this weekend!! I had many answers to prayers and questions that I've had, and I am just so overwhelmed with all of the love and knowledge that I've felt and heard. I'm grateful for my Father in Heaven and for all of the messages that I knew were just for me! The most amazing thing about conference is that everyone can find and hear messages just for them! The messages that we all hear are the same, but somehow we all get different things out of them. I love that about our church!

I am blessed to be able to to listen to and learn from our church leaders! General Conference is my favorite time of the year! God knows exactly what I need to hear long before I know that I'm going to need to hear it. Our leaders prepare for their talks long before conference. They prayerfully consider many topics, and they make sure that what they are going to be saying is pleasing to God. I am so blessed to have a loving Father in Heaven who cares so much about me!! He cares that I feel like I have no purpose, and so He inspires many of our leaders to help guide me, and answer my question: I do have a purpose! My purpose is to be God's disciple! My purpose is to help minister to my fellow brothers and sisters here on earth. I am here to share love.

Earlier this week I had an experience and wanted to share, so here's what I wrote:
Sometimes blessings come in disguise. You might be looking for a specific answer from God, but what you get instead is a prompting that–once you’ve followed it–results in the reassurance that you are doing His work. And you have a purpose. I’ve had a pretty interesting week, but I decided that I wanted to share messages with a few of my friends this week via text. I looked and looked through conference talks and the scriptures that I thought each person would need, and when I found one that resonated with me, I sent it to them, with a few comments of my own. And what happened surprised me, though in retrospect it shouldn’t have. Each friend responded with something like, “That was exactly what I needed, thank you”, and I can’t help but be grateful. I am grateful for my Father in Heaven, who showed me through a simple prompting just how much of an impact I make, and reminded me how I actually do have a purpose (I still don’t know how exactly to word said purpose 😂 but I do know that I have one). And I might not always see it, and I might not ever understand why I often feel like I don’t have a purpose or make an impact here on Earth, but I do know that if you ask Him to show you–if you ask Him for an answer, and for help–He will answer you. At the time that you need it the most, He will answer you. 💜💜💜💜
I know how to word my purpose now. My purpose is to be His disciple. My purpose is to share love. I am grateful for the prompting that I got this week to share some messages with my friends, and I am grateful for the blessing of receiving an answer to my purpose in life.

I am grateful for all of the messages and ideas that I have received this weekend through our prophets and leaders. There couldn't have been a better weekend to follow a rough week. I am feeling loved, blessed, wanted, needed, and full of purpose. I still have many answers that I need, but that's okay. I have what I need to get started, and I think that once I get started, more answers will come.

God is so wonderful. He blesses me, loves me, and reminds me that I do have a purpose, and that I am here for a reason. My life is unique–my story has never been told before–and He wants me to experience many things so that I can share my story with others, and so that I can empathize with others. He wants and needs me to be a blessing to others. I hope and pray that I have been a blessing to others in the past, and I hope that I can continue to be a blessing to others in the future.

God loves ALL His children!! I know He does!! He has a bigger plan for us than we can even see, I know it! We don't know everything about this world, about God's plan for us, or even about our purpose in life, but I do know one thing: We know enough. We do. I promise. I know that God is our Father, that He loves us (all of us–no matter what!), and that He wants what is best for us. Our idea of what is best for us is different than His idea, but He will bless us and help guide us to who He needs us to be.

I know that there are a lot of things wrong with the world, but I also know that there are a lot of good things right with the world. God has blessed us with the ability to choose for ourselves right from wrong. No one is perfect and we all make mistakes, but we can learn from our mistakes and start over.

God is great. I know He loves us, and I know that we are all His daughters and sons.

I'm grateful for the experiences I've had this weekend, and for the time I've spent with friends. I'm blessed to be surrounded by wonderful and loving friends, and that they are always there for me and are great examples to me.

Xoxo
Mattie