You have to try, or nothing will change.

Jesus Christ suffered and died for me. He gave His LIFE for me–how can I repay Him? Honestly, I can't. All I can do is try every day to be better, and to do better. Sometimes, I fail. But I get up and try again. My friend told me recently, "It’s okay to lose sometimes! You are still amazing and faith-filled and dedicated and full of worth! Every day is an opportunity for a new victory." I loved that and thought it was beautiful. I am human, and I am imperfect. I make mistakes, and sometimes I lose. It's a great reminder that my worth is not dependent upon anything. My worth is as constant as the sea–as constant as the changing of the moon and tides. It is always there and it is a reminder of the love of my Father in Heaven.

God loves me. I can ask Him, and He will tell me. He blesses me constantly–even when I can't see it. He is aware of me, and of my struggles. I can do hard things. I have done hard things, and I will continue to do hard things. Life is always throwing curveballs at me, and I am always going to be trying to hit them out of the park. Sometimes I will fail. But as I talk with Him, and tell Him how I am feeling, I can better be aware of His light and guidance in helping me through my struggles.

Sometimes I can't do things.
But because of (and with) Him, I can.

Jesus Christ is the only one who truly understands all that I am going through. He can help me overcome the feelings and experiences that are making me feel sad, anxious, depressed, and anything in between. Those feelings might not go away completely, but He can help me fill my life and change my focus so that the ache is not as constant.

Someone said in their testimony today that if we are constantly watering a plant, we are going to drown it. The same is with God. God is always aware of me, and He will water me (give me spiritual guidance/experiences) when I need it, and He will always give me enough.

I know that life is always going to be rough. There are always going to be challenges. There are always going to be "trips to the hospital for things that turn out to be appendicitis" in life–sometimes literally, sometimes figuratively. But you have to keep moving forward. You have to TRY. Or nothing will change. There is no growth in the comfort zone. There is no comfort in the growth zone. I am trying every day to be better. I know that I am not in the comfort zone because every day is hard.

I am trying to learn as I am growing but sometimes it is hard to see what I can learn from these experiences. I am trying to be patient and focus on taking things one day at a time but sometimes it is hard. Sometimes my anxiety makes me worried about the future. Sometimes my depression makes me think that there is no future, so why should I worry about what's going on in my life right now? Together, they make trusting my Heavenly Father probably the most difficult thing in the world for me right now. But I know that as I turn to Him, and put my trust in Him every day...even if I don't understand...that little by little, this puzzle that is my life will start to piece together. Because just like a puzzle, it takes time for all the pieces of my life to come together.

"I am glad that the pieces of the puzzle of my life are in God's hands. He knows exactly where and when to put them and make it complete." ~ Caroline Naoroji

Xoxo

Mattie

I hope I make Him proud.

Yesterday I went to the temple with some friends and I was able to take some family names to do, and it was so special! One of the things that stood out to me as I was sitting there listening to the ordinance workers was how much God loves me and wants me to be the best that I can be. As I am honest, true, and faithful to my covenants, I will be blessed–in this life, and in the life to come. That fills me with such peace and comfort. Life might not always go how I want it to go, but I know that everything God has promised me will eventually be available to me.

One of the blessings of doing temple work for my own family names is that I am helping my own family to come closer to God, and to come closer to having the blessings of being sealed to our family forever. It is so inspiring to know that my family has waited a long time for the blessings of the temple–and I am the one who gets to help them receive those blessings! I know that they are grateful for the time I take to help them receive the blessings of the temple, and I am grateful for the opportunity I have to do their work for them. 

This is an older picture that I took of the Provo City Center temple last year, but it's one of my favorites. I really love this temple, and I am so grateful that I live so close. I haven't always been the best at going to the temple as often as I could be going, but I am wanting to do better, and I am trying to do better. I know that God blesses me as I take time from my busy schedule to go to the temple, and to do the work for those who cannot do it for themselves.

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Sometimes I don't always know what I believe. Sometimes I struggle with different things...but one thing that I know and that has never been something that I have doubted is my faith in my Savior and my Father in Heaven. No matter what goes on in life...no matter what I struggle with...They have always been there. I have always had my Savior with me, and I have always been able to count on my Father in Heaven. The most important thing to me is my relationship with Them. People come and go...sometimes people come into and out of my life faster than you can say, "Hello"...but Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father are always there. Their love for me, and Their trust and belief in me, is constant and enduring. It is never more clear to me than when I am in the temple.

I have been able to receive many answers and blessings through the temple, and because of my time in the temple. My day and week are blessed after I go to the temple. Answers that would just not come before...come after. Motivation that just would not come...comes. Stress that has been overwhelming...disappears. I know that I am blessed when I visit the house of the Lord. 

I know that I am not perfect...but I hope that what I offer to Heavenly Father is enough. I try to make a difference in the lives of those around me by being kind, and I hope that I make Him proud every day. 

I hope you all have a wonderful week! I know that I will–my birthday is this week!! I don't have any specific plans but I know that it is going to be a great day! Remember that you are always loved by God, and that I love you too! Happy Sunday! 

Xoxo

Mattie

As we take time for Him, He makes time for us.

In thinking about all the things that I have had to do the last couple of weeks, and how low-key stressed it has made me, I am surprised I haven't had a meltdown yet. Haha I'm just kidding! But seriously, I am surprised that I have remained relatively as calm as I have. I have realized lately that I am often struggling to balance between all of the things on my to-do list. Trying to find the perfect balance is difficult, and takes a lot of time.

So what can we do? What can be done to help us balance between all of the good things in our lives?

Well, I am going to tell you some of the things that I do that help alleviate some of the stress, and help me balance my week.

First, I write everything down in my planner. I write down what, where, and when. If I need to take anything with me, I write that down, too. Any appointments, any meetings, all of my classes, all of my work shifts–all of it. Under my classes, I write down the homework due for that day, so I can know what I have to do. Sometimes there are specific times the homework is due, so I'll write that down, too.

Second, I determine what is most important. What can I absolutely not get away with skipping this week? What can I delay doing for a short time? Generally, I work on larger or more time-consuming school projects first, and then I work on the leftovers (which is usually just reading assignments). I make notes in my journal about what I am doing first–I actually haven't tried colors, but I just had an idea to try highlighting the most important things. That's a good idea. I'll have to try that.

Third, I have to put away all distractions. This is the hardest one, I feel like. Our world is full of distractions, and it's hard to put them away sometimes. But I have discovered a few cool tricks.

The first one is for my computer. I discovered that Safari has an extension that helps me. It's called "Waste No Time", and you can find more information here. You can either block specific websites forever, or you can block them for certain times of the day. I have done that. I have blocked social media sites from 8-12 and from 1-5 Monday thru Friday. Any time I forget and try to go on Facebook, or Instagram, it directs me back to the Google home page (because that is what I picked for it to go to. You can choose any other website). Honestly it has really blessed my life! I am able to focus more and get more done.

The second one is for my phone. I have an iPhone, and a new iOS update has this new feature, "Screen Time". You are able to choose many different options of monitoring your screen time, according to your needs. It resets every night at midnight. As far as I can tell, there is no actual option to completely block apps, but I have been able to get around that: I would set the specific apps that I wanted to block for the day, and I set the time for one minute. In addition to all of the apps that I really wanted to block for the day, I would pick a random one that I do not use all that often, and then I would mess around on that app for a minute, and afterwards, every other app that I wanted blocked–including the random one–would be blocked for the rest of the day. 

Fourth, I pick a few different fun things to do as part of my breaks/downtime that day. For example, on Mondays and Wednesdays, I have classes from 10:30a to 3p, with a short 45 minute break between two of my classes. During that time, I eat lunch and I usually watch an episode of a TV show I am watching. If I am not quite finished with my readings for my last class, I will instead read for class. On Thursdays, I am busy all day, from 7:45a to 8p. Usually during my morning work shift, I am finishing up my homework for my classes that day, so that when 12p comes around, and I'm off work, I can watch something, or read something for fun, before class at 1:35p. Sometimes, I just want to listen to music, though, so some days I'll listen to music all day instead of watch something.

Last but not least, I have personal study time. At some point during the day, I take time to study my scriptures for me, and pray to Heavenly Father. I prefer reading my scriptures in the afternoon/evening, but sometimes in the morning when I am on top of things, I will study while waiting for the bus. Each night, I take time to speak with my Father in Heaven, and ask Him for help with things I have going on the next day or two.

These are just some of the things that I have found to help me. They are not for everyone, and they are adapted each and every day, it seems like. Every day is new, and different, and so each day demands different things of me. Some days, I have a ton of free time, and so I work on my homework for the next couple of days. Some days, I am a little behind, and I don't have as much free time as I'd like, and so I have to really buckle down and make sure that I am getting things done. Even then, as I stated at the beginning of this post, I am still struggling to find a balance between everything I have to do.

But I know that, as I take the time to study my scriptures, and pray to Heavenly Father, He will bless me. As I take time to serve my friends, He will bless me. As I take time that I need to do important things for school or work, and instead use it to strengthen my relationship with Him, and with others, He will bless me, and lengthen my time. Somehow, He makes it so I have enough time for all that I have to do.

Elder Uchtdorf gave a talk eight years ago in the October 2010 General Conference in which he discusses the things that matter most. I highly suggest you read it. Or watch him give it. That's actually a better suggestion.

I know we are all busy, and some days don't go as planned. Some days, we are only able to read one or two scriptures before our eyes droop so bad that we can't read it any more. Some days we plan to actually make food for dinner but end up either grabbing a burger or just making a Nutella and jam sandwich.

I also know that God is with us, and that He helps us through the bad days. I know that He sees us trying. I know that He blesses our efforts. I know that if we try our best, and ask God for help, nothing can get in our way.

I hope everyone has a good week and a safe Halloween!! Please keep track of your littles and be aware of children with allergies.

God loves you very much and has great plans for you!!

Xoxo
Mattie

Every new chapter of your life will demand a different version of you.

It's been a stressful, sad, long, exhausting week. I finished my finals (stressful, exhausting) and packed and cleaned to move out of my apartment (stressful, sad, exhausting, long). It's bittersweet to be home for the summer–I'm excited for the new adventures I will go on, but I'm going to miss my friends. I love my family and I love spending time with them, but after living and spending most of my time with other people for two years, I am really, really sad that things won't be the same. It was really hard saying goodbye yesterday even though I know I'm going to see them again. It's hard to say goodbye to the people who have really been an influence in your life for the past two years, and it's hard to say goodbye to the people who have loved you, served you, cared for you, and blessed you for two years. I love them so much, and I am going to have a hard time not seeing them every day. Even though I need change in my life every so often, it's still hard. It's way harder than I like it to be, but I'm grateful that goodbyes don't have to be forever. 

I loved the messages in church today! Today we focused a lot on ministering, and service, and one of the speakers in sacrament meeting gave a list of three things that encompass the idea of ministering:
1. Being aware (of their needs, of those who need help, etc.)
2. Invitation (invitations of healing, friendship, places of safety/love, etc.)
3. Reach out in sacrifice and service (sacrifices of your time, food, etc.)

I loved this! Ministering just involves loving, and being considerate and aware of the needs of those around us. Ministering is motivated by the pure love of Christ. If you see a need, fill it. Just find a way to bless and love those around you.

I am so grateful for the people in my life who have been amazing examples of ministering! I've been on the receiving end, the giving end, and I've watched my friends minister to others and I am so blessed! I learn so much from them!

I am so thankful for my Heavenly Father. He has blessed me so much in the past year, and in the past two years that I have been at Cinnamon Tree. I am quite a different person now than I was not only two years ago when I first moved in, but also a year ago. And I know that that is for the best. I needed to be a different person at the start of last summer, but I also needed to change to be a different person now. Change is hard, but change is always something that needs to happen. I am always striving to be better today than I was yesterday. Sometimes I don't succeed quite as much as I'd like to, but I do know that I am trying, and that is all that God asks of me. He sends me people who will love me, listen to me, empathize with me, and help me to not only yearn to be better, but will help me try to be better. I couldn't ask for better friends to surround myself with. 

I am sad to have left Cinnamon Tree, but I am grateful for the life that I had there. I am grateful for the people that He placed in my life to bless me, and help me know that I am loved, and I am worth so much! I was so, so blessed to meet some amazing people, and I am so grateful to call them my friends! I love them so, so much! I can't even express how much I have loved being in this ward, and how much I am going to miss it. I'm going to miss my friends so, so much, and I already do. I'm beyond grateful for my friends and for their love and support. I can't imagine my life without them. And because of them, I know God loves me. Sometimes I might not feel it, but I KNOW that He does because He gave me friends and roommates that I needed. He gave me friends and roommates that love me. And He inspired them to serve me when I needed it. I am sometimes amazed when I think that He places people in my life just for me. He puts them in my life because He knows that I need them. And I am beyond grateful for that. I know that He really, really loves me, because I met some amazing people whom I absolutely love and adore, and they love me, too! I am grateful to have such a hard time saying goodbyes because it means that I love, and I am loved!

I hope you have a wonderful week! Life is so good! I am so grateful!

Xoxo
Mattie

P.S. A couple of weeks ago, my ward had a Spring Musical Fireside, and I am so, so grateful for everyone who performed their own musical numbers, and for those who helped in the choir! It was such an amazing experience and it was the perfect end to my calling as choir director. I was able to have it recorded for some friends who were unable to come, and it can be viewed here. The sound quality isn't the greatest (get ready to fiddle with the volume a lot... *facepalm* I'm sorry), and I apologize for that, but I think you can still feel the spirit of the meeting. Enjoy! :)