Gratitude changes everything.

I am so full of gratitude this week!

I am thankful for my Savior, Jesus Christ, and for His sacrifice for me, which makes it so that I can be with my family forever, and with Ricky forever. It makes it so that I get to try again and again to be like Him in order for me to live with my Heavenly Father again.

I am so grateful for Ricky. He is so thoughtful and sweet. I am so excited to be marrying him! He is a blessing gin my life and he is my best friend. There is so much that we still have to do to plan our wedding our future together, but he is oh-so-willing to help me (in most things 🤣).

I am grateful for the angels in my life–on this earth, and on the other side. I am grateful for the love, peace, and guidance that they–and the Holy Ghost–give to me. I am so blessed to have angels on both sides of the veil in my life to bless, love, and support me.

I am grateful for the Book of Mormon. I am grateful for its testimony of Jesus Christ, and for the truths in its pages, and for the lessons that these truths teach me. I am grateful for the peace that it brings into my life, and for the answers that come as I search its pages.

I am grateful for my Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother. I am grateful for Her divinity and strength. I am grateful for His mercy and grace. I am grateful for Their love and guidance. I am grateful for the blessings they give to me, and for the big part that They play in my life. I am so thankful that Heavenly Father is always willing to bless me and lift me up.

I am grateful for friends and family who are always willing to help me, especially with wedding plans as my wedding is coming up. Everyone has been offering help and advice, and I so appreciate it.

When we are grateful, and notice our blessings, we're happier. I've seen this in my life. As we recognize the Lord's hand in our lives, we are able to notice more and more all of the good things in our lives. The more grateful we are, the more dopamine that our brain makes, which means that we are happier! It's science! I learned that in college! But I've also experienced it in my life. I am grateful for the love and peace that being grateful has brought to me. What are you grateful for?

I hope that everyone has a great week! God loves you! I love you! Thanks for all of the love and support!!

Xoxo
Mattie

Your worth is infinite, and so is God's love for you.

Sometimes it is so difficult to be patient. Sometimes it is so hard to wait for things you want. Sometimes it is so hard to be patient with people. Sometimes it's easier to be patient. But there's always room for improvement. Some days are more difficult than others, and some days are more easier than others. But even on those days, there is room for improvement. And if you remember how patient Christ is with us, and our shortcomings, I think you will be more likely to be more patient with those around you.

Something that someone said in their testimony today really stood out to me: "When someone wants to diminish the truth of something, they attack the character of the deliverer or main person in the event/story." I really loved this. Jospeh Smith faced a lot of criticism and attacks on his character, but he still stood strong. He still held his faith, and his testimony in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I really admire that about him, and I really look up to him for that. He never backed down, even in times of turmoil or struggle. He stayed strong.

I didn't really take notes in church today because we had some of our cousins with us this weekend and I ended up sitting with A at the end of primary, and also in his class.

But! My friend texted me and reminded me of the worldwide devotional for young adults tonight and so I just watched it and I am so thankful that she texted me about it because I absolutely loved it!!

The speakers were Brother and Sister Kearon–Brother Kearon is from the Presidency of the Seventy.

Sister Kearon's talk was probably my favorite. She spoke about the love of our Father in Heaven. My favorite thing that she said was, "Your Father in Heaven loves you. Whoever you are, whatever you are struggling with, you are enough. He loves you just the way you are right here, right now, in all your beautiful messiness. But He also loves you enough not to let you stay the way you are." I loved that. He loves us as we are, but He also loves us enough to help us grow and change, and become a better person; He loves us enough to help us become more like Him.

She also talked about how the infinite and gentle love of God will help invite us to make changes in our lives. She talked about how we need to experience things that require change and growth, and help us to depend on God. We can do it. Jesus Christ–the Firstborn of God the Father–first bore our trials, sorrows, afflictions, etc. He has promised us hope, and healing, and He will be there. We were created for a joyful, abundant existence, she says. "Your worth is infinite, and so is God's love for you." No matter what you do, your worth is still the same in His eyes. He will always love you.

I am not even going to lie, as soon as Sister Kearon started talking about how "Learning to find, feel, and understand our individual worth, regardless of what other people might think or say about is critical to our lifelong emotional and spiritual well-being", I started to feel the Spirit so strongly, and by the time she got to the part where she was talking about how we are of endless worth to Heavenly Father, I was bawling because it was exactly what I have needed to hear.

Brother Kearon's talk was really great, too, and I really enjoyed his focus on ministering. He talked about first asking God for help to know who we can help. He talked about how the heart of our purpose here on earth is learning to look outward and serve one another. He also talked about how this kind of ministry is a way of life.

He talked about three things that we can do:
1. The kind of service we're assigned or invited to perform as a responsibility at church
2. The kind of service that we choose to do of our own volition
3. Public service

This is how the Savior lived, and this is why He lived.

Every new chapter of your life will demand a different version of you.

It's been a stressful, sad, long, exhausting week. I finished my finals (stressful, exhausting) and packed and cleaned to move out of my apartment (stressful, sad, exhausting, long). It's bittersweet to be home for the summer–I'm excited for the new adventures I will go on, but I'm going to miss my friends. I love my family and I love spending time with them, but after living and spending most of my time with other people for two years, I am really, really sad that things won't be the same. It was really hard saying goodbye yesterday even though I know I'm going to see them again. It's hard to say goodbye to the people who have really been an influence in your life for the past two years, and it's hard to say goodbye to the people who have loved you, served you, cared for you, and blessed you for two years. I love them so much, and I am going to have a hard time not seeing them every day. Even though I need change in my life every so often, it's still hard. It's way harder than I like it to be, but I'm grateful that goodbyes don't have to be forever. 

I loved the messages in church today! Today we focused a lot on ministering, and service, and one of the speakers in sacrament meeting gave a list of three things that encompass the idea of ministering:
1. Being aware (of their needs, of those who need help, etc.)
2. Invitation (invitations of healing, friendship, places of safety/love, etc.)
3. Reach out in sacrifice and service (sacrifices of your time, food, etc.)

I loved this! Ministering just involves loving, and being considerate and aware of the needs of those around us. Ministering is motivated by the pure love of Christ. If you see a need, fill it. Just find a way to bless and love those around you.

I am so grateful for the people in my life who have been amazing examples of ministering! I've been on the receiving end, the giving end, and I've watched my friends minister to others and I am so blessed! I learn so much from them!

I am so thankful for my Heavenly Father. He has blessed me so much in the past year, and in the past two years that I have been at Cinnamon Tree. I am quite a different person now than I was not only two years ago when I first moved in, but also a year ago. And I know that that is for the best. I needed to be a different person at the start of last summer, but I also needed to change to be a different person now. Change is hard, but change is always something that needs to happen. I am always striving to be better today than I was yesterday. Sometimes I don't succeed quite as much as I'd like to, but I do know that I am trying, and that is all that God asks of me. He sends me people who will love me, listen to me, empathize with me, and help me to not only yearn to be better, but will help me try to be better. I couldn't ask for better friends to surround myself with. 

I am sad to have left Cinnamon Tree, but I am grateful for the life that I had there. I am grateful for the people that He placed in my life to bless me, and help me know that I am loved, and I am worth so much! I was so, so blessed to meet some amazing people, and I am so grateful to call them my friends! I love them so, so much! I can't even express how much I have loved being in this ward, and how much I am going to miss it. I'm going to miss my friends so, so much, and I already do. I'm beyond grateful for my friends and for their love and support. I can't imagine my life without them. And because of them, I know God loves me. Sometimes I might not feel it, but I KNOW that He does because He gave me friends and roommates that I needed. He gave me friends and roommates that love me. And He inspired them to serve me when I needed it. I am sometimes amazed when I think that He places people in my life just for me. He puts them in my life because He knows that I need them. And I am beyond grateful for that. I know that He really, really loves me, because I met some amazing people whom I absolutely love and adore, and they love me, too! I am grateful to have such a hard time saying goodbyes because it means that I love, and I am loved!

I hope you have a wonderful week! Life is so good! I am so grateful!

Xoxo
Mattie

P.S. A couple of weeks ago, my ward had a Spring Musical Fireside, and I am so, so grateful for everyone who performed their own musical numbers, and for those who helped in the choir! It was such an amazing experience and it was the perfect end to my calling as choir director. I was able to have it recorded for some friends who were unable to come, and it can be viewed here. The sound quality isn't the greatest (get ready to fiddle with the volume a lot... *facepalm* I'm sorry), and I apologize for that, but I think you can still feel the spirit of the meeting. Enjoy! :)

Love is putting someone else's needs before yours.

Just a quick little blog post today! It's been a busy weekend and week so I didn't have a lot of time to do a post today!

I am so ready for the semester to be over! I still have a lot to do but I'm hopeful I can get it done! I'm so thankful for my Savior...it's been a rough couple of weeks and I've been blessed with the people in my life that I need to get through them. I am grateful for the scriptures, and for the peace and comfort that they bring to me. They've been a blessing this past couple of weeks, but especially this past week. I am grateful for the fact that I have gotten through this semester. It's been soo rough, guys....But I've had my Savior to rely on, and the most amazing and wonderful roommates and friends. I've really been blessed. I have honestly felt so loved this semester and this school year, which I am so grateful for. I know that God loves me, and I am so grateful that He lets me start over again.

Daniela said something in her lesson today that was a quote from her grandmother, and I really, really loved it. She said, "You're gonna do a really hard thing, but you're gonna do it really, really well." I absolutely loved that!! Life is a really difficult thing, and sometimes we go through really difficult trials, and oftentimes we don't know why. But we are able to get through it, and we are able to use it to make us someone better than who we currently are.

In Relief Society today, I wrote down something that I really loved and wanted to share. These are just some of my thoughts based on what we talked about today.

"Love is sacrifice. I can sacrifice my temptations, and I can show Him that I love Him more than the desire to give in to my temptations." "Love is putting someone else's needs before yours." ~Olaf (Frozen) And since I love the Lord....I am going to put Him above everything else.

Megan said something in her testimony that I loved. She said, "Not only is the gospel something we live, the gospel is something we can be." I love that!! She is such an amazing person!! I love her so much and am so grateful for her love, sacrifice, service, and friendship!!

I am so grateful for the lessons today!! I heard and learned what I needed to hear, and I made new commitments that I am optimistic I can keep!

I am so grateful for the progress that I've made in my final projects for school. I think that I will be able to finish them adequately well and in time.

I am grateful for the brief chance I had to chat with/FaceTime a few of my siblings tonight. Crazy though they are, I really do love them and am so grateful for them.

I am so grateful for all of the people in my life. I am grateful for blessings, and for miracles. I am grateful for honestly good, down-to-earth people who come into my life right when I need them, and who make my life so much happier.

I love the Lord. I love my Savior. I am grateful for His Atoning Sacrifice, and I am grateful for His love. I am grateful for the chances that I have been given to start again, and I am grateful for the love and support that I receive from my friends and family. I am looking forward to finishing out this school year and to starting my summer job (starting in June) at BEAR LAKE!! I am going to be working at a scout camp with my friend and I am so excited!! It's going to be amazing!! Going back to school in the fall will be super fun because I am so close to being done with my schooling! I only have two semesters left after this one!!

I have learned so much from going to school. Honestly, I've really kind of doubted me even needing to go to school, because I've been thinking, "I'm just going to go back to like, watching kids or whatever. I don't really think this education is necessary." But these past couple of weeks, I have been learning a lot that I didn't know before, and I have been looking into different internship possibilities, and I am actually interested in a couple of different things than I originally thought. And I have been thinking that, even if I don't end up using my education, it will be helpful for me in the long run because I will always have human interactions, and I will always need to know how people work. So I am grateful for my education, and for the time that I have spent here at BYU.

I am also grateful for the memories I have made. I have met so many people who have all blessed my life in one way or another. I don't know who I would be if I hadn't gone to college....and honestly, I don't think I want to find out. I love who I am. I am learning, and growing, and standing on my feet. I am making mistakes, and trying again, and finding people, and loving people, and accepting people, and showing people what they mean to me. I am taking other broken and mending people and I am helping mend them. And they, in turn, are helping mend me. That's what love is all about.

Xoxo
Mattie

Everything He did, He did for us.

I love going home. I am so thankful for the Christmas season. I love my Savior and am so grateful for His birth, life, and sacrifice. I would no be where I am today without Him. I have been given so much help and strength from Him, and He has sent me people I've needed–they've either been friends I've needed, lessons I needed to learn, or they've been a source of love, help, and strength. Sometimes they've been all three. I am so grateful for them though. No matter what I learned or gained, they were what I needed at the time. I wish I could understand...I wish we could all understand why we all have to go through hard and painful things, because sometimes it feels like they will never end and that there aren't lessons to learn from them, but I know that there is a lesson. Someday, you will know the answer. I know that you are learning things from each and every experience you got through. And you are becoming a better, stronger person for it.

Merry Christmas Eve! I hope you are able to remember the reason for the season. Christmas is a time to remember the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ. I am so grateful for His sacrifice and His willingness to come to Earth to be born to save us all. He was born to save us, He lived to save us, and He died to save us. Everything He did, He did it for us. I am so thankful for Him. I do not know where I would be without Him, and I do not want to find out.

I am grateful for His mother, and for her willingness to give birth to Him, and to teach Him how to be kind, and considerate, and compassionate, and loving. I am so thankful for Joseph, and for his willingness to teach Him hard work, and diligence, and strength. Because through these lessons to Him, I have learned how to be this way.

I hope you have a safe and warm and happy Christmas! God bless you!

Xoxo
Mattie

Friends are blessings.

Well, I don't know about you guys, but I have had such a fantastic weekend!! Which is perfect, since the past couple weeks have been kind of hard for me. On Friday night, I went bowling on a date, and it was super fun!! Saturday afternoon I babysat my friend's baby and it was so fun even though she didn't really do anything and I just held her the whole time (my arms, by the way, are dead/dying from the combination of bowling/baby-holding, but it was totally worth it because bowling was fun and she's super cute and I just love babies). 

Aaaaanyway. Church today was also pretty phenomenal. My thoughts during the sacrament today were mostly just grateful ones. I am just so thankful that my Heavenly Father blesses me with the greatest friends.

I am so grateful for amazing friends! There's nothing like them. They love me, care for me, think of me, and help carry me through hard and tough times. I am so blessed! They tell me things I need to hear, and it always comes from who I needed to hear it from. I'm so thankful that God knows me, and knows what I need. I'm grateful, too, for opportunities that I have to get together with friends that I don't get to see all that often. I'm thankful for a new week, and the chance to start over again. It's the last week before school starts for me, and I'm ready! Nervous, yes, but ready. 

Sacrament meeting was awesome! Jared said something today that I loved. He said something like, "God loves us, and understands, and knows that we can make it through." I think we remember this but forget it. By that, I mean that we subconsciously remember and know that He loves us and understands, and knows that we can make it through, but sometimes we consciously forget it until it's brought to our remembrance.
Our high councilman spoke to us today, too, and he said something that I loved and kind of needed to hear today. He said, "Life is not suspended when you're single." He said that all the things we're supposed to be doing now–reading our scriptures, praying, serving, etc.–are all things that we're supposed to be doing, regardless of your relationship or marriage status. I totally agreed with him and decided that I'm going to try and live that way. [As I was thinking about that sentence (Life is not suspended when you're single), I thought, "Life goes on," which reminded me of one of the songs we're practicing in choir, "How Can I Keep From Singing?" It's a really pretty song and I'm super excited!]


Gospel Doctrine was pretty amazing today, and Lauren shared this quote from Joseph Smith Jr. that I loved and wanted to share:  "Great blessings await us at this time, and will soon be poured out upon us, if we are faithful in all things, for we are even entitled to greater spiritual blessings than they [the faithful at the time of Christ] were, because they had Christ in person with them, to instruct them in the great plan of salvation. His personal presence we have not, therefore we have need of greater faith." I just really liked this quote. We have so many blessings that await us! As long as we are faithful, we'll be able to receive them in due time. God will bless us for our efforts, and He will guide us and be there as we go through hard times.

Relief Society was wonderful! Props to my roommate Kiera for her awesome lesson. :) 
The topic for today was, "Each of us can do hard things as we involve the Savior in our lives." We started off with a question:
Why do we go through trials? 
Some answers that we gave were:
-We appreciate things more if we have worked for them. So, by working hard to be who we are meant to be, we will appreciate who we become more than if we just were handed that portion of ourself.
-They encourage us to draw closer to our Savior. I know that, personally, when things get super hard, I tend to turn to my Savior more often.
-Trials help us see who we've always been. Trials put us through the refiner's fire, and it's just polishing us up, burning out the imperfections. We've always been a child of God.
-To help us empathize. I know that sometimes it's hard for other people to empathize with others, but if we've gone through similar experiences, it tends to bring us closer together.

And then added a second:
Why don't we involve the Savior in our trials?
-It's hard to ask for help. Sometimes, asking for help makes me feel ashamed. It makes me feel like I'm not strong enough, or that I'll be seen as a weak person for asking for help.
-We think we don't deserve it. Sometimes I feel dumb for asking for help for things that I'm going through because I know that sometimes they were brought upon myself, and sometimes I don't think I'm worth it.
-My struggles aren't as bad as someone else's. This one is a big one for me. I sometimes don't ask for help because I know that there are other people who have challenges that are worse than mine, and I don't feel like I should ask for help; I should be able to deal with it on my own because it's not that bad.

"If it's important to you, it's important to me." If we struggle with it, and it's important to us, it's important to Him, no matter how small or insignificant it seems. We are all different people, and we all struggle with different things–sometimes we struggle with the same or similar things but in different ways, and that's okay, too.

We need to allow the Savior to help us. Sometimes it's hard, but it's also worth it. It's worth having His help. It's worth not going through it alone. Having someone who knows EXACTLY how I feel, and who knows how I've been struggling with certain parts of the situation, is SO HELPFUL. It makes me feel like I'm not alone–which I'm not–and it makes me feel like I'm valued, and important–which I am. This past month (August) has been really hard for me. I had my first breakup, and it was really hard, and I didn't really understand, and I just wasn't sure it was ever going to get better. But as I've talked with my friends, and turned to my Savior, I've been able to work through it. They've been so helpful and supportive. And yeah, my roommates and friends were right. It is getting better. Somedays it's still hard, but this weekend has been awesome. I think that baby-holding is therapeutic–for me, at least. :)

Heavenly Father blesses me every day. I am so thankful for Him. Nothing makes me feel better than to know and realize that my Heavenly Father loves me so much, He sends me awesome friends, and He sends me amazing messages of love through those friends. What a blessing my friends are. And what a blessing my Savior is to me. I am so thankful to call Him my friend. 

Xoxo
Mattie

Sweet is the peace.

First things first, I'm now officially the ward choir director! I'm nervous but excited! It should be really fun. :) I love music and am excited to challenge myself in directing our choir to sing and really feel the message of the songs we will be performing, and share their testimonies and the Spirit with our ward. I've never legitimately led anyone in anything, so this will be a fun experience.

It's been a tough week for me, starting with the fact that I picked up two shifts last week and this week, and so I worked a lot more than normal (and I will work more the week after, as well) so I'm really tired; and I've got some personal things going on in my life that threw me off emotionally and made me question several things. But! My friends and family are the greatest and have been super supportive, patient, and loving, which has been such a blessing. I thank God every day for them, and I'm so lucky to have them in my life. ❤️❤️

Life is weird. One minute, life's going great–you're coasting in coolness–and the next thing you know, SPLAT!! You've hit a wall, and are no longer coasting in coolness. In fact, you're no longer coasting at all–you're just existing, meandering aimlessly, trying to find yourself again, or trying to find a meaning to all that is going on in your life. And you're just sort of stuck.

I've been there–several times–and I know how hard it is, and how it feels, and it's not always the greatest feeling. Sometimes, I've just felt kind of "Blah" about it, but sometimes it's made me feel really sad, or stressed, and I haven't really known how to fix it, or what to do about it. Sometimes I've just avoided doing anything about it for awhile, and just tried to move on with my life. Sometimes that doesn't work. I try to listen to music, specifically to help calm me, and bring the Spirit, and that always helps. What helps the most, though, is prayer–turning to my Heavenly Father. Sometimes the answer or help doesn't come right away, but what does come always is peace. Peace that things will work out, peace that I will be fine, and peace that I am doing what I am supposed to be doing, and peace that I am where I am supposed to be. And oh how sweet is the peace!

I'm grateful for the peace that the Lord gives me in times of hardship, heartache, and sorrow, but also for the peace that He gives me when I'm doing the right things, and when I'm blessing other people's lives. There is no greater joy to me than sharing the love of my Heavenly Father and Savior with those around me, in whatever way, whether that be service, music, or just spending time with them and listening. I hope and pray every day that I am able to help someone feel the love of their Savior when they need it.

School is starting for many soon, and I just want to wish you all luck!! I know that everything will be all right, and that you will be blessed as you turn to your Father in Heaven for help and guidance.

Xoxo
Mattie

Finding your way.

School starts tomorrow! I also start my job tomorrow. This is going to be a busy week figuring things out, but I think I'll be okay. :)

I'm so grateful for my Savior. As one of my New Year's Resolutions, I want to try to consciously think of Him and focus on Him, and this past week has been hard, and sometimes I've failed, but it's been a great experience as I've been able to think about Him more and involve Him more in my life. I am very blessed to have my Savior in my life and I am full of love and gratitude towards Him and towards my Father in Heaven. Every day I am given the chance to start anew, and for that I am so grateful. I am who I am today–and I am where I am today–because of my Savior.

Finding my own way has never been easy. In fact, I'm still searching. I've had personal struggles that have been hard to overcome, and I've had things that have gotten in the way of me being able to do what I want to or need to do. But always I have had my Savior, and my Heavenly Father, and my family and friends. Having people to turn to in my life has always been a blessing. And when I don't know if I can turn to someone, I always have my Savior.

Facing a new year with new challenges is always a puzzle, but I am confident that we can do it! We all have our challenges and struggles, but I know that there are things that we can overcome–with the Savior's help–that will help us change in this new year and make it easier to overcome other challenges. It can make it easier for you to find your way. I know that whatever you want from this new year, you can achieve it with His help.

Xoxo
Mattie

Above any other title or identity, you are a child of God.

I am so grateful for my ward!! I learned a lot of things today that I needed a reminder of. A reminder of who I am and who I can be.

My thoughts during the sacrament:

Christmastime is here, and oh how grateful I am! I am so blessed. I have an amazing family that I love with all my heart, I have awesome roommates and an awesome ward, and I have wonderful friends whom I love and adore. Above all, I have my Savior, who was born for me, who lived for me, who died for me so that I can live and have the strength to get through each and every day. I love Him and am so grateful for His love and guidance in my life. At the end of the day, He has helped me more times than I can count. I am so thankful for His example of how to live my life. I'm not perfect, but I try to be like Him, and I try to be His hands for those around me who need them.

I do it all year-round, but especially at Christmastime. Service is my favorite thing–after my friends and family, of course. :)

Today was fast Sunday, and many things were said in testimonies today that I loved:
-He lived, and still lives. He lived and died for us.
-The Savior needs you. He saw/sees our potential.
-When you struggle, do you speak to yourself like you speak to your family and friends?
-We have to turn to our Savior to turn on the Light.
-If God says it is to be so, it is. If Christ thought that we were worth it to die for, we are.
-Above any other title or identity, we are sons and daughters of God.

Gospel Principles was so fulfilling. We talked about light, and the Sabbath Day, and one thing that was said really stood out to me: The way we heal others is by leading them to Christ. I loved that. Christ is really the only one who can heal, so the way we heal others is by leading them to Christ.

Relief Society was about following Christ, and how He can help us, and how He does help us.
-Jesus Christ understands us and He is there for us.
-No matter what, you still have worth.
-"If we love the Savior more, will we hurt less?" (Elder Hales, Oct. 2016)
-You are not an exception. You are definitely included in the Savior's sacrifice–He suffered for you, and He will help you change and return to Heavenly Father.
-John 14:18–"I will not leave you comfortless. I will come to you."
-You're already enough. He cares about who and what you are and can become.
-Christ is the way.
-Christ will complete you, and He is completing you.
-Refining does not take away from your worth.
-Christ constantly has to watch us–heating/refining too much can ruin the silver/us.
-We need to make Him our priority. We were His priority.
-He wants us to love Him and to return to Him.

I am so grateful for what I learned today. I definitely learned a lot of things that I can do better in my life. I'm grateful for the opportunities I have daily in my life to change and be more like Christ. I'm far from perfect and am glad that I have help from my Savior to change and become better.

I love the month of December. Christmas is probably my favorite holiday of all time. Not because I get gifts, but because I get to give gifts and service to my favorite people of all time: my family and friends. Also random people, but mostly family and friends. I love spending time with my family and friends, and I love the opportunity that I have to share the love of my Savior with my family and friends. I hope that this holiday season will be a great one for you and your family. I love you and wish you the very best in these upcoming weeks. I know that our Heavenly Father loves you and is watching out for you. You are His child, and He loves you so much. Turn to Him in all your times of need. He will be there for you, I promise. <3

Xoxo
Mattie

My birthday adventure.

Well, yesterday was my birthday!!! I had a great day! It went like this:

I had orchestra rehearsal in the morning and my friend got me a couple of cute things; then when I read her card later, I cried a little (for the first time but definitely not the last time I'd cry that day).

So then I went to spend a couple of hours with my family; I got the new Cinderella movie!!! My parents are going to buy me a couple of tickets to a BYU arts production so I can take a friend and they are also going to buy me a new camera. I'm so excited!! Anyway, after we had treats (my mom made mini funfetti cheesecakes) my parents took me out to lunch, and then I was home for about another hour while I tried to work on stuff for the new year of college. During that time, one of my friends going to a different college called me, and so I got to talk to her for a bit, which was fun.

Then my dad took me back to my dorm, and I got ready for stake conference really quick and then I headed up to the Joseph Smith Auditorium for that. I heard a lot of messages that I needed to hear, and as we were singing the closing hymn, "How Firm A Foundation", I started to tear up a little about halfway through the second verse, but I totally lost it at the third verse, and I couldn't sing it. There was an older man sitting a seat over from me and he patted me on the shoulder and so of course I felt really self-conscious then and I tried to stop crying and I tried to sing the last couple of lines of the song, but it just wasn't happening. I just really needed to hear the message in that verse, and my Heavenly Father knew that.

After that, I met up with my friends for dinner and then we headed to BYU's Ballet production of Alice in Wonderland. It was so good!!! I had a great time. After the ballet, we headed back to our dorm and got changed and then we headed downstairs to the basement–my friend had made me a cake, and my friends sang to me and we had cake (one of my friends gave me a card) and chatted for awhile before we all had homework and things to do.

At this point, I wrote in my journal about my birthday (it took up like three pages) and some more crying commenced because it had been a super great day and I was just an emotional mess (as always ;) ) when I got to thinking about it all, and about the things that my friends had written in their cards. I have been having a bit of a hard time lately, what with still trying to figure out when to do my readings and things for my homework, amongst other things, and the things that my friends said in their cards to me were sweet words of love and encouragement that I needed. I'm so grateful for their examples to me, and for their love. Yesterday was an amazing day because of my friends and family, and I'm so grateful for all of the people in my life. <3 <3

Such a blessing.

I had the opportunity to go to the Payson Temple yesterday (Friday) with some friends. It is such a beautiful temple! I am so grateful that my friend thought to invite me! I love her dearly and I am so grateful for the inspiration she had to invite me. I haven't been to the temple in awhile and I really needed to go. It was such a blessing. I felt the Spirit strongly and I was able to receive answers to my prayers. I'm so blessed to be surrounded by so many wonderful friends, and I'm so blessed to live in Utah where there are so many temples! :)

I'm so blessed.

This week, for my weekly quote, I decided to keep last week's quote up but I also added a little different one. "Life is so good." Because, really, life is so good. I am so blessed. Even though I hate the hours, I'm glad that I have a job. I am also glad that I am able to go to school here at BYU, where so many people have the same standards as I do. I'm glad that I have been making lots of friends, even though sometimes it's hard and drags me kicking and screaming out of my comfort zone. ;) I'm so glad that there are so many great examples out here! I've had many awesome examples of righteousness in my life, and I'm just so glad that it can continue here at college. This is where I've always wanted to go, but I also know that this is where I'm meant to be. 

Xoxo

Mattie

Letter of gratitude and love.

Dear Reader,
If you're reading this, this either means that you are either a friend, or a family member, or a nice random person who follows my blog. [If you're the latter, thank you so much! :)]

Today is Saturday August 22nd, 2015. I know it's late, but I realized earlier today that this weekend is my last weekend at home!! I move out next Wednesday.  You may question: Am I super excited? Can I wait? Am I a little sad? (Answers to come shortly)

Before I go, I have to say something (I was going to post this Tuesday night/Wednesday morning, but I couldn't wait).

18 years is a long time. I've lived in five homes, two of which were in Provo when I was little, and two of which were in Orem up until I was 14 years old. The most recent home is here in Lehi. Though I do not really remember the homes in Provo, I most definitely remember the Orem homes and, obviously, Lehi. I've been to four schools, two of which were in Orem and two of which were here in Lehi.

In all that time, I have met so many people. They have all taught me so many things. If you would like to read a detailed version of my gratitude for people in my life, click here. I should mention that it is literally detailed. It is way, way, waaay long, and if you don't want to read it after you look at it, I don't blame you. But just in case you want to, it is there for you.

Now–I am so, so, so grateful for everyone in my home neighborhoods–both Lehi and Orem. I have learned so much and grown so much because of all of the people that I have come in contact with. Everyone has taught me a valuable lesson, whether they knew it or not–whether I knew it or not. I have had so many angels in my life, especially within the last three or so years. They have been anchors and strengths to me, and I'm so grateful for them. I never knew that so many people could touch my life in so many different ways, but it's possible. <3

I have never felt so much love for all of my friends and family until now. There are so many things I'm going to miss.

I'm going to miss getting together with my girl friends whenever a school dance was coming up and having a movie night. We had such fun!! I love those girls so much!!
I'm going to miss getting to be around my family all the time.
I'm going to miss getting to watch Porter and Lander grow up.
I'm going to miss lunchtime. I pretty much was a bouncy ball, traveling to friends because I wanted to see them and I missed them. (Also because I was literally bouncy. It's so much fun!)
I'm going to miss young women's. I love those girls so, so much!! They're all such sweethearts and they're going to be amazing mothers someday. <3
I'm going to miss seeing my friends every day/every other day. You get used to seeing them so often very fast, and when it's suddenly not happening, your world turns upside down. It's quite disconcerting.
I'm going to miss knowing people everywhere I go, or mostly everywhere I go. BYU is a big school, and I'm probably not going to see people that I currently know all that often, so I'm going to need to make new friends (which is hard for me. Please pray for me).
I'm going to miss my dad's weird sense of humor.
I'm going to miss all the times that all of us kids get along together, and we watch a movie, or quote a movie together, or have a singing/dancing session/marathon, or when we just talked and laughed.
I'm going to miss babysitting all the cute kids in my ward. They're so cute and I always enjoy watching them because they're so cute!!! I'm going to miss that.
Most of all, I'm going to miss having my mom around.
I'm going to miss her always being right there for me when I need her.

To answer your questions: Yes, I'm super excited, and yes, I can't wait, but yes, I'm a little sad.

Life is going to change so much for me in a few days.

Sometimes I'm ready for it.

Right now?

Right now, I'm going to miss what I have now, but yes–I am excited. Though I will be having to adjust to new changes, there is one thing that I do not have to adjust to. Because one thing that is never going to change ever is my Savior. He will always be with me. He will always be there for me, and He is always going to love me. I know that I don't have to get through this without Him, and I'm so grateful for that. I love Him so much and I know that He loves me.

Thank you for always being there. Thanks for reading, thanks for being supportive, thanks for the love, and thanks for being my friend. Please, don't ever forget me. I'm always here for you, even if we never talk. Thanks for everything. <3

Love,
Mattie

The Quest of a Lifetime.

Finally started packing for college the other day (Friday). I have two boxes fully packed; my school supplies box isn't all the way packed because I didn't know if I would need anything else, so for right now it is staying open.

Packing has been difficult. College still doesn't exactly seem real yet.

I had another mission farewell today, but I had to pay tithing so I went to my ward for sacrament meeting, and we sang "Families Can Be Together Forever" and I nearly started bawling. Next week is my last week at church before I move, and I won't see my family all the time. I'm grateful for this (Porter's terrible 4's and my brothers all being up in each others' faces will be nice to get away from), but also sad. I'm going to miss it when all my siblings get along, and when my brothers do cute things.

I have been very emotional this month, especially since I have started packing and since I have realized that my siblings start school this week and I am not going to be joining them. Also especially since I realized that my friends and I are all going to separate schools (or going on missions for a lot of my guy friends) and we won't see each other quite so often. And making new friends is difficult for me sometimes. I don't really deal with changes all that well sometimes, and this one is a big change, which is why I'm really nervous, but I'm really excited. It'll be good for me.

I really am really excited for college, but I just can't stop feeling nervous and worried!! I'm super worried that I won't make a lot of friends and super worried that even if I do make friends, I might scare some of them off because I am (sometimes) a whack-a-doodle crazy person (<<Example. Who says whack-a-doodle crazy person??).

I was told that the more I focus on being scared, the more scared I'll become, so I'm trying really hard to focus on being super excited!! I was also told that "It's okay to live" and I know that; I also know that college is my time!! It's just me! It'll be fun. :) I really am excited. :)

I think part of the reason that I'm nervous is because I'm worried that I'll forget something or that my roommate won't like me, or I won't make friends soon, or that I'll forget something important–like how to be a normal person.

ANYWAY.

The point of this post was to share this:

Though I am going to be by myself;
Though I am going to be/learn to be an adult;
Though I am going to be scared;
Though I am going to be worried;
There is no need for me to be quite so scared, quite so worried;
God is on my side.
He is with me.
He will be there.

I sometimes forget that: He's coming with me!!! He won't let me go alone. He'll be there every step of the way. :) :) :)

I just have to be brave. It's like when I go swimming: if I dip my toes in, it's super freezing! I just have to be brave and jump in, and then my body gets used to the water rather quickly and it's okay. Change is like that; you just have to be brave and jump in. Everything will be okay. :) Especially because my Savior is going with me and He won't let me do it all alone. As long as I remember to study my scriptures, pray, and manage my time wisely, everything will be okay. :) :)

Life is just a big adventure, and college is the next step on my road map. 

This'll be the quest of a lifetime, and it's my quest. :) :)

Oh! And P.S. I have been working on my scripture study, and every night this week I have studied my scriptures/written in my scripture journal and prayed. :) This week, I'm going to try and pray in the mornings, too. :) Wish me luck!! :)

When God talks to me.

I love it when God talks to me!! So, I was feeling a little alone, left out, forgotten, and sad about a bunch of things, and so I typed up this "letter":

Dear God,
I'm glad that all my friends are having fun. I'm glad that all my missionary friends are excited to go on their missions. I'm glad that everyone is having a good time. But what about me? Did you forget about me? I love you and know you have my best interests at heart, but what are they? I like seeing that all my friends are alive, and well, and having a good time, but what about me? I feel like I'm just doing the same things over and over, and I haven't really had a big fun thing since the beginning of the summer. It's just the same old routine. I feel like I'm never going to find anyone who is going to love me for me. Am I ever going to have a good time? Please, don't forget me. I feel alone enough as it is.
Love,
Your Daughter,
Mattie

And I tried to talk to my friend, but they weren't answering. So then I decided to open my scriptures. I'm ashamed to say that it's been a little while, and I'm also ashamed to say that opening my scriptures wasn't my first thought. I'm trying to be better about it, though. That's what I'm trying to work on as I get ready to leave for college. (P.S. College was part of the reason why I was feeling alone). ANYWAY. I have a "Spiritual Directory" and it's got all of these different "When you need to..." situations. I looked up the "When you need to feel loved" (John 15:13) and "When you need comfort" (Isaiah 49: 15-16). I also have a copy of the Relief Society theme that I looked at as I opened up my Daughters in My Kingdom book (I glanced at the first line before turning to my scriptures). Turns out they were all exactly what I needed!!

The Relief Society theme said: "Our lives have meaning, purpose, and direction."

Isaiah 49: 15-16 said: God will not forget me. I am engraved upon the palms of His hands.

John 15:13 said: "Greater love hath no man that this, that a man may lay down his life for his friends."

John 15:14 said: "Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you."

John 15:13 makes me think of the Atonement, and he called us His friends. His friends. We are not just a sea of people to Him. He knows us all by name. He knows our thoughts, our anxieties, our deepest fears, our deepest loves. He knows our trials, our tragedies, our happiest times, our worst times. He knows how hard losing our friend was. He knows how hard seeing someone you love get sicker. He knows how hard being alone is. He knows how hard you've worked. He knows how anxious you feel when you think you are bothering people. He knows it all. He knows. He did not just watch you. He is not just watching you go through it. He has gone through it already and is standing by, helping you get through it. He is giving you the strength you need, and when you cannot do it any longer, He will carry you. He has felt it all, and because of that, He will not let you fall.

I know that life is rough sometimes, but as I was thinking about it earlier, guess what? God is doing me a favor. I worked so hard though high school! I worked my tail off! Yeah, I did a lot of fun things, but I worked so hard to get good grades so I could get into a good college. It worked! I got into BYU-Provo!! And so I think that God is rewarding me. I worked really hard, and so He is giving me the summer off–literally. I would rather be doing fun things, like hanging out in my yard, going to the park, pool, etc. with my friends because we are all going in separate directions, but there's still time for that, I think. Anyway, I'm grateful for this break, now that I think about it. I don't know what I'm going to do about feeling like I'm not ever going to find someone who is going to love me for me, and who is worthy to take me to the temple, and who is going to make me feel safe, and who is going to treat me like a queen (When I find him, I'm going to make him feel safe and I'm going to treat him like a king). And so I'm trying to be worthy to go to the temple. I'm having a hard time finding time to study my scriptures, but I am going to try so hard this week!! I have two missionary farewells on Sunday (although my dad says they're not called that anymore, but whatever) that I am super excited for but I am also sad. A lot of my friends have already gone. And it's hard. It's been hard on me. I'm so excited for them and I'm so grateful for their examples, but I don't know what to do. Um, I have to go–it's getting late, and this topic is turning real personal real fast, and I don't want to get into that right now. So, to sum up: We are His friends, we are loved, and we are not forgotten–least of all by Him. Love you guys!! Thanks for reading! <3

P.S. The topic of the temple keeps popping up EVERYWHERE!! I am not even joking. So I do not know what that means. Maybe it means that I need to be getting ready. I am trying so, so hard, but I do not know if I am ready to be sent out into the world on my own yet...

I must be needed somewhere else.

I think I finally know why I didn't get into the talent show. Because, the night of the talent show, I was at young women's, where we had an activity where we wrote on slips of paper different qualities and characteristics we liked and admired about each of the other girls. And I got lots of compliments on my singing. And today I checked Ms. Nudd's list for choir next year, and that finalized that I didn't get in. And Heavenly Father knew that I wasn't going to get in and so He didn't let me get into the talent show so that He could let me know through my friends that I have an amazing voice and that some of the girls think that I am the best singer in the world. I am so grateful for that. My Heavenly Father needs me somewhere else next year instead of choir. I hope I can find out why. This experience just reminds me that, if things don't always work out, I must be needed somewhere else. I just have to trust in Him because He knows what is best for me. 

Today is a special day.

Hello, nonexistent followers who may one day be actual real-live people. Today, seventeen years ago, a most wonderful, spunky, funny, beautiful daughter of God came to this world. Her name was Mattie Ruth Radke. Yep, folks, that's right. Today is my birthday!! I'm seventeen. I have learned so, so, so much in the past seventeen years about who I am as a person, who I am as a daughter of God, and who I want to be. I am so thankful for the example of my Saviour, Jesus Christ, and for everything He and my Heavenly Father have done for me. I am so thankful for all of the people in my life who are great examples to me and who have taught me so much about life, and living, and all the fun stuff that is weird and random. I'm so thankful for all the people who put up with me and pretend to understand what I'm talking about. :) I'm so thankful for the opportunity I have to communicate with people and spread the gospel. I'm thankful that I'm always so happy. Love you all! 

Love,

Mattie-Who-Is-Now-Seventeen :)

Because I knew you, I have been changed for good.

Wow. New Year's Eve is TUESDAY. I can't believe it's almost 2014!! This year has gone by so fast!! I have had so, so, so many experiences that have helped me grow, and I am so thankful for each and every one. I have met and befriended so many wonderful people who have shown me and taught me things I don't think I could've learned from anyone else. But, most importantly, I KNOW I have grown closer to my Savior. Some experiences I've had could not have brought about the spiritual consequences they did without the Atonement of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Because of all the many wonderful people I have met this year, I have been changed. For good. I will NEVER go back to the person that I was at the start of the year, and for that I am grateful. I am a better child of God, a better daughter, a better cousin, a better sister, a better friend, and a better confidant now than I was before. I have been changed forever, and for that I am grateful. I love each and every one of the new friends I have formed this year, and I still love all my old friends. I have loved getting to know everyone in all of my classes better, and I have loved being able to spend time with my friends. I have loved being able to be me this year, and not caring what others think of me. I hope they think of me fondly when we've said goodbye (haha, good ol' Phantom of the Opera). My siblings have put up with lots of me this year, and I hope that, in time, they'll come to recognize that this is who I am, and they just need to accept me. Again, I am so thankful for all of the people I've had the chance to meet and all the experiences I've had the opportunity to go through. Now, some of them were not easy. In fact, some of them were downright scary and intimidating, like my solo. But once I got through it, it was like the heavens had opened and I had the biggest support group of angels I have ever had the pleasure to have. Despite the fact that some of the experiences were not easy, I did them anyway and I learned a lot. I am so thankful for that. I am so thankful for the changes that I made in others. I am looking forward to making many, many more in the upcoming year. Hopefully I will be less "rollercoaster-y" and more "heartbeat-y". Anyway, I love my Savior, Jesus Christ, and my Heavenly Father, and I know they love me. I love my family, and my old friends, and my new friends. I love my teachers, who sacrifice so much for me, and listen to me, and (try to) understand me. I love being a child of God, and I love that He knows me. He knows me: He know my needs, my dreams, my desires, my fears, my worries, my loves, and He knows the way I tick. He knows who I connect well with, and who I don't. He knows everything about me, including things that I don't. He knows the why and the how about how I work. I trust Him forever with all of my heart, and I love Him forever with all of my heart. 

Thanksgiving Day Gratitude.

The Number Twenty-Eight: I am so, so, so, so, so, sooo thankful for everything. I am so thankful for my family. My cousins are so cute! I am so thankful for my friends. I love learning from them and hanging out with them. I am so thankful for food. I love mashed potatoes and gravy, stuffing, and pie. I am so thankful for music; I love to express myself using good music. I am so thankful for my talents. I love to share them with others. I am so thankful for good tv shows. I love to watch them; they help me get away from reality a bit. I am so thankful for good movies. I love to watch cute sweet ones. I am so thankful for good books. I love to read fantasy and romance. I am so thankful for teachers and leaders who listen and teach very well. I learn a lot from them. But most of all, I am so, so thankful for this gospel. I am so thankful for my Savior, Jesus Christ, who suffered and died for me and for all of us. I am so thankful for His example in His reign on this earth. I am so thankful for my Heavenly Father, who loves me, and you, and sent His Only Begotten Son to die for us. I am so thankful for the Holy Ghost who helps me every day. I am so thankful for all the prophets, apostles, and missionaries. I am so thankful for this beautiful world that has been designed for us. So, I am so grateful for all that has been given to me (and to everyone on this earth). 

People.

16th: I'm grateful for my parents. They're good examples to me and they love me no matter what. So I'm grateful that I have good parents. 

10th and 7: I'm grateful for friends. Yes, I know I've said this before, but my friends are awesome. They listen to me when I need them to and they're there for me when I need a shoulder to cry/lean on. So I'm thankful for understanding and loving friends. 

Eighteenth: I'm grateful for my teachers. Yes, I know I've said this one before, too, but I really am. I'm grateful that I have understanding teachers and I'm grateful for their help and influence. So I'm grateful for some FABULOUS teachers. :)