It takes time.

Today was a really beautiful day–a little chilly, but the sun is shining, and the sky is so blue. ❤️

So my thoughts during the sacrament today were mostly about what I have and can do because of and through the Atonement of Jesus Christ:

I am a daughter of God, who is a King of the most high. I have a divine nature and destiny. Through the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ I am able to be forgiven and start again. Through the Atonement, I am able to live with my family forever. Through the Atonement, I have the Lord on and by my side. Through the Atonement, I can know my worth. Through the Atonement, I can feel peace. Through the Atonement, I can find joy and happiness. Through the Atonement, I have found the love of my Savior, and that love has brought me strength in the hard times.

The topic of sacrament meeting today was how trials and tribulations can help us change and become who we were meant to become. Parker said that we didn't come here to earth to be comfortable; we came here to grow. I think each speaker mentioned weaknesses at some point, and how we can make them strengths with the Lord's help. Ether 12:27 was mentioned a lot today as a whole, and I know that it was for me. I'm working hard on some things but I can work a little bit harder. Sam said that trials allow us to choose–to give up, and give in to weakness, or to be humble, and have faith in the Lord. If we put our faith in God, there is no trial we can't get through. Brother Durfey spoke a few words at the end of the meeting before the closing song and said, "If it doesn't challenge us, it doesn't change us," and I loved that. ❤️

We talked about the priesthood in Gospel Doctrine today, and my eyes were opened to the fact that the Aaronic Priesthood is more of the physical things–baptism, blessing and passing of the sacrament, home teaching–and the Melchizedek Priesthood is more of the spiritual things–gift of the Holy Ghost, temple ordinances, blessings of comfort and counsel, etc. I thought that was so cool! We also talked about the Law of Moses and that time period, and Rosie mentioned that when they lost the Melchizedek Priesthood, all of their temple ordinances were more on the physical side of things, because they only had the Aaronic Priesthood. It was a really great lesson and I learned a lot.

Relief Society today was great! As it always is. ❤️ It was based on Elder Bednar's talk entitled "Always Retain a Remission of Your Sins," and I highly recommend it. There were a lot of great things that we talked about, but a few of the most important ones to me today were that 1) Remission takes time; 2) it's okay to fall down...just do what you can; and 3) it's never too late. Changing who you are takes time, but it's never too late. There is a song by Hilary Weeks that talks about this, and I have probably shared it before, but it's a good song. It's called, Even When, and around 3:28 is when it takes about taking time, but the whole song is about how God loves us still, even when we make mistakes. Even when we fall. He will always love us.

I am so grateful for everything that was talked about today. I realized today that I'm still a little broken and I'm still healing, but I also realized that that is okay. Even though it does take time (apparently more than I thought), I don't have to do it by myself. I am so grateful to have my Savior to depend on, and to have my Heavenly Father to turn to. I know He loves me, and I know He loves you. I know that you can always depend on Him. And you can always depend on me. I am here for you whenever. I love you and want you to be happy and healthy. Remember that you are a son or daughter of a loving Heavenly Father, who knows what you need to become the best you that you can become. Your trials may not make sense to you at all–and you may not know why the same one just never goes away–but God knows what He's doing. Trust Him, because I do. I trust Him with all of my heart. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Xoxo
Mattie

He will stand by your side.

I am so grateful for my bishop and his wife. They spoke in sacrament meeting today and I heard a great deal that I needed to hear. I love them so much! 
Sister Anderson talked about priorities, and gave a list of eight things to help you keep your life balanced (from a talk by Elder Ballard, found here). I loved a few of them more than others so I'm going to share those few:

• Set attainable goals. Set short-term goals that you can do.
• Build relationships. Stay close to family and friends. They can help keep you grounded.
• Study the scriptures. She also mentioned an article in the New Era by President Monson where he said, "if you will study the scriptures diligently, your power to avoid temptation and to receive direction of the Holy Ghost in all you do will be increased."

When going through these things to help keep your life balanced, remember to turn to your Heavenly Father. He will help you and be there for you when things get hard, and when you fail the first seven times to study your scriptures every day. 

This past week and a half or so has been insanely crazy. I had many things to do, there were many things forgotten...all at once. It wasn't a super great time. The last few days have been better–less full of things to do–but still not 100% great. Even so, I got through it. I am grateful for my Savior, who stood by my side through all the tears and frustrations of the week. I'm grateful that everything turned out all right. I've never had such a horrible week start out the way it did, and then everything ended up turning out all right. I spaced some important things that I was able to make up, and I was able to get a lot of my homework done, even when I felt like I didn't fully understand what was going on. I'm grateful for this three-day weekend, and for all the time I have to catch up on some things. I'm grateful the messages shared in church today that I needed. I'm grateful for all of my plans that are falling into place–a sure sign that I'm doing the right things and have the help, love, and reassurance of my Heavenly Father. I'm not sure where He is taking me, but I trust Him with all of my heart. 

Xoxo
Mattie

Trusting in God can be hard.

I thought last week was going to be crazy. And it was crazy, yeah, but I swear this weekend has been more crazy than every day last week combined. Not only did I work Friday afternoon like normal, and Saturday night like normal, I had to work today, too. We were done by 7:30, which was great. This morning I was SO EXHAUSTED. I don't know why. I went to bed at a relatively decent hour after I got home from work and did some more homework. Still so tired. I took a nap before work today. Still so tired. Plus a pulsing headache (probably from stress+tired Mattie). And even though I did a ton of my homework Saturday I still have a ton to do tonight. I just wanted to get my blogpost out of the way so I don't have to worry about it. :)

Church was great, apart from me being tired.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about who I am as a person, and where I'm going–now, and in the future. While I have hopes and dreams of where I want to be, I know that my plan is just that–a plan. And plans, when made by men, fail. God's plan does not, and I am so thankful God has a plan for me! I'm not entirely sure what it is yet, but I have hopes that the plan I have is at least similar to God's plan for me. Everything has been falling into place for this major. Even if I don't get in this fall, I have a plan to get my grades up and try to apply again next year for fall 2018. I have felt really, really good about this major/plan, which is more than I've felt about anything, including my major plans for last year. Last year, I had no clue on what I wanted to do, and no plans. This year, I still have no clue, but I do have a plan. Trusting in God can be SO hard at times, but He knows what I need, and He knows what I can handle. ❤️

I've come to several conclusions this weekend about parts of myself that I've been working on, and I'm proud of myself because they've been really hard things for me to work on and I'm making a lot of progress, thanks to my Savior. I haven't always been able to work on these things super well, but because I've been thinking more about my Savior, and trusting Him, it's been easier.

One of the last things that was said in Relief Society today was something that I really needed to hear. It was, "He [Heavenly Father] loves you and is proud of you for what you've accomplished." I am so thankful for the ladies (and guys, but this was Relief Society) in my ward who are in touch with the Spirit and who are able to relate to me what my Heavenly Father knows that I need to hear. ❤️

Heavenly Father knows you, loves you, hears you, and answers you. He will always be there to support you. 

Hope everyone has a great upcoming week. I love you all! 

Xoxo
Mattie

You have purpose.

Sometimes you can feel like you're lost. Like what you're doing isn't important. Like you're not making a difference. But in the words of one of the speakers in stake conference today: "You have power. You have purpose [emphasis added]. Part of His [Heavenly Father's] greatness is in you." Stake conference today was great. I am so sad I missed last night's session (I had to work) but I heard what I needed to hear today. 💜

This morning I looked up a few different talks and I want to share portions from each of them. 

"Our divine nature has nothing to do with our personal accomplishments, the status we achieve, the number of marathons we run, or our popularity and self-esteem. Our divine nature comes from God. It was established in an existence that preceded our birth and will continue on into eternity." 

I loved this quote from Sister Wixom. Our divine nature is this inherent part of us that comes from God, giving us the will/desire to reach out towards others.

"Every day the world seeks to influence your desires, enticing you to buy something, click on something, play something, read or watch something. Ultimately, the choice is yours. You have agency. It is the power to not only act on your desires but also to refine, purify, and elevate your desires. Agency is your power to become. Each choice takes you closer to or further from what you are meant to become; each click has meaning. Always ask yourself, 'Where will this choice lead?' Develop the ability to see beyond the moment. Satan wants to control your agency so he can control what you become. He knows that one of the best ways to do this is by trapping you with addictive behavior. Your choices determine whether technology will empower you or enslave you." 

Elder Ridd then went on to give four principles to educate us and influence the correct use of technology: 1. Knowing who you really are makes decisions easier. If you know that you are a child of God, you will have such a desire to serve Him and His children; 2. Plug into the source of power. Be spiritually charged. It's important to have a fully charged cell phone, but it's more important to be spiritually charged, so that you are able to do God's work, and serve His precious children as He would have you do; 3. Owning a smartphone does not make you smart, but using it wisely can. "Be there when you are there." When in class, focus on the lesson. When with friends, give them your attention. Be in the moment; 4. The Lord provides technology to accomplish His purposes. We know our way around technology, and should use it to share the Lord's message throughout the world. 

"Your light has made a difference to me and many others [emphasis added]... Because a patriarchal blessing is not meant to be a prediction of all that will occur in the life of the recipient, we should seek and follow the guidance of the Holy Ghost to receive greater understanding for our course in life. The teachings of the gospel are always a guide to a full understanding of our destiny and privileges. For example, patriarchal blessings may not mention that a person will be married or have children, but we are taught in the gospel to marry in the temple and have families. We can follow these gospel teachings on our own, without specific personal direction... Sometimes young women think that because they have made mistakes, they are not worthy to receive a patriarchal blessing or that they have disqualified themselves from the blessing they have already been given. Remember, the foundational teaching of the Lord Jesus Christ is faith in Him and His power to atone for our sins. 'Satan wants you to think that you cannot repent, but that is absolutely not true.' When we take the sacrament each week, we commit to change our lives for the better. We should always be trying to become a new person who is more like our Savior Jesus Christ... your patriarchal blessing will help you know that you have a noble birthright."  

Sister Beck's insight into patriarchal blessings and our noble birthright was really helpful for me. I especially loved that first line that I bolded because the other day I felt like I wasn't really doing anything in my life that was making a difference in someone else's life, and this was one of the first lines in her talk, and I needed it.

I am so grateful for stake conference, these talks that I found and learned from today, the music on my church Spotify list today, and I am especially grateful for a friend of mine who called yesterday to check up on me–I'm so thankful for her thoughtfulness and love. This weekend was a little odd for a couple of reasons that I won't go into, but it was also a nice weekend full of answers to my prayers, and I am so thankful for my Heavenly Father, who knows what I need, and how/who I need to hear it from. He also knows what you need. My dear Reader, you have purpose and are so, so loved. 💜

Xoxo
Mattie