Humility is having self-compassion.

I'm grateful for the rain! Yeah, it's cold, and wet, but it's peaceful and means it's time for sweater weather! Ready to read some thoughts I've been having lately? Sweet–let's go!

So grateful for the opportunity to listen to/watch the General Women's Session of Conference last night! It was a wonderfully uplifting session! SO excited for General Conference next weekend! I'm also grateful for the weekend that I've had, alone though I was. My roommates all went to a Relief Society overnight trip our ward was having. I wanted to go but couldn't get anyone to cover for me. Anyway, I did have fun, and I learned some things. For example, I learned there is a medicine that sufficiently helps me feel better when I've had a headache all week and its intensity worsened on Saturday (grateful my coworker had some!). I also learned a lot from the conference session last night. While I was listening to Sister Eubank's talk on the way home from work, I had an amazing and profound thought that has been growing for a few weeks now: "Being humble doesn't mean you can degrade yourself or believe you have a negative self worth." Something she said just sparked that thought, and I'm so grateful it did because it was something I've needed to hear for awhile. I'm also grateful for my Savior, who blessed me this week and weekend, and for the fact that, as I've followed my new therapist's advice to be more self-compassionate, and as I've been reading my scriptures and praying more consistently, my week has just been so much better! Despite the headaches, and the crazy week, overall it was just better than last week. I was less stressed, and less anxious, and less depressed. I'm grateful for that experience. It gives me hope for the future. :)

I went to Gospel Principles today, and today we talked about Jesus Christ. There were honestly just a lot of really great things that were said about Him, so I'm just going to list them:
-Jesus should be relatable. Someone we trust to talk to.
-God has never asked for anything but faith from us.
-Christ loves us for who we are right now. He'll turn our weaknesses to strengths. He takes what we already are and turns us into a better version of ourselves.
-You are ENOUGH.
-Heavenly Father loves you and wants you to be happy.

Relief Society was awesome! My roommates were teaching today :)
-One thing that Dahlia said that I really liked was that, "Only a perfect person can really see all our imperfections." She said something about how you know how much you've grown or learned when you look back, and see how little you knew way back when. And only Jesus Christ can really see all our imperfections. Sure, we know we're imperfect. But we don't know just how imperfect we are because we ourselves are not perfect.
-God wants us to be happy was repeated again, but also it's just such a true statement. God wants us to be happy, no matter who we are, or where we are in life.

I was bearing my testimony after the lesson, and I said, "Humility is having self-compassion." Humility is learning to love yourself as you are. Humility isn't, as I've said, 'degrad[ing] yourself or believ[ing] you have a negative self worth.' Humility is learning to love and accept yourself–flaws and all. It is something that I have been struggling with, but I have been working on it, and it has made me happier. Praying and reading my scriptures daily, or more daily, has also really helped. Together, working on these little things has made me happier, and brought more peace into my life. I challenge you to do the same. You don't have to work on them all at the same time, like I am, but I promise you that you will be blessed in your efforts.

Xoxo
Mattie

Turn to Him.

Why?
Why do we compare ourselves to others?
Why do we procrastinate important things in our lives?
Why do we struggle with change?
Why do we struggle with decisions?
Why do we care so much about what others think?
Or say?
Or do?
Why do we stress and worry about things we literally can't control?
Why do we worry about the future instead of focusing on the here and now?

I don't know if anyone else has ever experienced these feelings. I'm sure you probably have, to some degree. I've been thinking about it a lot this week. And I realized some of the answers a little bit. Because we're concerned with the world. Or we're concerned with the future (which, in and of itself, is not a bad thing, but sometimes we take it too far). Or we think we're not good enough, we're not as good as so and so. Or sometimes we just care about other people, and their opinions are important to us, and so we care about their opinions of us. As a society, we care a lot about appearances. We care a lot about making the right decisions for our future now. Or we have a lot of things due (or to do) on the same day and we can't figure out which ones to focus on and we struggle with focusing on them and getting them done. And that can be stressful. Life is stressful. Friendships, relationships, dating, school–it's all stressful. But I was thinking about something in sacrament meeting today that kind of helped me relax and calm down a little.

It's been a crazy busy week, but somehow I made it through. Grateful for my Savior, who has blessed me, I know. Grateful for the chances I've had to study my scriptures almost every day this week. Grateful for all of the homework I've been able to finish. I was really stressed this week and wanted to just not do anything because I had so much to do but I needed to do my homework. I also didn't think I had time to study my scriptures because I've had papers to write, and assignments to read. But I paused, and took the time to study, and ponder, and pray, and I am so glad I did. That is the reason I was able to get through this week. Because I took the time to speak to, and listen for my Heavenly Father. And because I did that, He blessed me. I've struggled trying to focus this week because I've had so many papers to work on, but the last couple of days I've been able to focus more, and get a little bit more done. It's hard to focus on one paper when you have multiple papers all due on the same day, but, a President Monson has said, and that I have found to be true this week, "Life is hard by the yard. By the inch, it's a cinch!" I know that as we slow down, and take things one project or paper at a time, we will be able to focus, and progress, and get things done in a timely manner. I also know that as we take time to study our scriptures, we will find time to do all the things we have to do.

Taking time for the spiritual things might seem like a waste of time sometimes, but once you do, you will realize that you will have the ability, focus, and time to do all of the things you want to and need to do. You will be blessed with strength and will be able to concentrate on your tasks at hand.

Sister Maughan said some awesome things in her talk in sacrament meeting today! I just wanted to share a couple of things that we can do to come to Christ:
-We need to be all in.
-We need to stand up on the inside.
-Pray daily. Develop a relationship with your Father in Heaven and His Son.
-Learn to love the scriptures and study them.
-Heavenly Father is watching over us. Sometimes we need to experience things for ourselves. We are more capable than we know.

Bishop had some amazing things to say, too! He talked about prayers and answers, and also about trials and how to deal with them. He said that we increase our faith by fasting for a purpose and having meaningful prayers. He also said that faith is an important ingredient in prayer. Sometimes we just need to move forward in life though. Every individual is responsible for their own happiness, he said. Cultivate a spirit of happiness, and don't belittle or blame yourself. Believe in yourself, and your capacity to do things. Sometimes we just don't receive answers to prayers, but we need to keep moving forward.

Megan said something great in her lesson today. She said something to the effect of, "God is always there for us. Just because we can't see him sometimes doesn't mean He's not there. It's up to us to find Him in our lives. Every time we take the time to look for Him, we'll find Him."

I've been trying to take some time for me lately. I have kind of been feeling...not lost, exactly...but like I'm wandering, floating in the vast space of 'being' (which, I mean, I guess is true, since we're all floating in space, but that's not the way that I meant it). I feel like I'm struggling to fit in. And I mean, I have friends, and it's great fun, but I just feel a little bit out of place, and like I'm just not socializing enough. Anyway, I've decided that I need to find myself (Again. I keep forgetting, and losing myself, apparently. Or I just need to be a different me every school year. Either that, or I just have not really found myself). And I need to focus. I have been struggling with focusing lately. I don't know why that is, but I do know that it has been better when I've been studying my scriptures, and praying, and getting sleep. When all of my papers were just kind of dropped on me like a bomb, it was bad. I was worrying, and worrying, and I was jumping from paper to paper because I couldn't focus on any of them, and I couldn't figure out what I wanted to talk about, or how I wanted to talk about it (for being someone who loves writing and talking, sometimes I sure don't know what to say). But about midway through the week, something happened, and I just felt a whole lot better. I don't know what it was, but after Wednesday/Thursday morning, I've been able to focus just a little better. I'm grateful for the peace that I've had this weekend. It's been a little stressful, too, but mostly I've been feeling a lot better about my papers, and my schoolwork. Life is so hard, and can be so difficult and stressful, but I know that when we turn to God, and read His words, and listen to His Spirit, we're blessed.

Xoxo
Mattie

Life is messy.

Today was our multi-stake conference, and I'm really grateful for the things that I heard today. I definitely needed to hear a lot of the messages today! I'm going to share a few of my favorites. :)

Even though we missed the beginning of Elder Cook's talk, I loved what he said about the Book of Mormon. He said, "There is power in the Book of Mormon." I fully believe it. I am reading the Book of Mormon for my religion class, and it's been a source of peace and comfort, and has given me strength as I've read it.

Sister Franco talked about being of good cheer.
1. Understand that we have a Father in Heaven and a Savior who loves us.
2. Understand that we have a Heavenly Father who gave us commandments to help us be happy.
3. Understand the importance of gratitude in our lives.
4. Understand that service brings joy to our lives.

Elder Uceda said that, "Mighty prayers overcome apathy." He said that mighty prayers are prayers from the heart. My favorite thing he said was, "As we search the scriptures, understanding comes to our mind, and doubts go away."

Elder Stevenson talked about humility, obedience, and virtue.
Humility:
Humility is willingness to submit to the Lord. The opposite of humility is pride, which gives honor to ourselves, it's competitive, and causes us to hold grudges or withhold forgiveness. He said that meekness, humility, and forgiveness are all cousins. I thought that was a great way of showing how closely related they are.

Obedience:
Obedience is the first law of heaven, and an act of faith. It's a safety and protection for us. It brings blessings, and those blessings bring happiness.

Virtue:
Virtue originates in our innermost thoughts. It is a prerequisite to receiving the Spirit's guidance. He said that reduced screen time and increased scripture study may increase virtue. I thought that was really interesting! But also true, I'm sure. I know I'm more focused and attentive when I'm spending a lot more time out doing things (though that's hard to do during the school year, especially when all of your math homework is online).

Diligent efforts can lead to Christlike attributes becoming or being second nature. Our journey to achieve Christlike attributes requires discipline.

He also shared this quote from Howard W. Hunter: "Mend a quarrel. Seek out a forgotten friend. Dismiss suspicion and replace it with trust. Write a letter. Give a soft answer. Encourage youth. Manifest your loyalty in word and deed. Keep a promise. Forgo a grudge. Forgive an enemy. Apologize. Try to understand. Examine your demands on others. Think first of someone else. Be kind. Be gentle. Laugh a little more. Express your gratitude. Welcome a stranger. Gladden the heart of a child. Take pleasure in the beauty and wonder of the earth. Speak your love and then speak it again." 

I loved this quote so much! I think sometimes we often forget the beauty and grace that is around us. We forget how awesome it is to lift someone's spirits. We forget how beautiful the earth around us is. We forget who loves us. We forget how blessed we truly are, and we forget that those blessings will always come.

This week was the first week of school for me, and I honestly struggled a bit. The first day was fine, but after the second day, when I was looking to the homework I needed to do, I got overwhelmed at all of the homework I was going to have over the whole semester for all of my classes and I kind of had a panic attack. Friday was a little bit better, but Saturday was a giant mess, because I worked from 8-4 and then the football game was Saturday night and it was a struggle getting into the game. But my friends and I made it, and it was fun watching the game with them.

I realized some things about myself this week, and this weekend, and I really need to work on a couple of things. I'm kind of nervous, just because I hate adding to my pile of things to do, but I'm hoping that I can just work them into my life and not specifically have to worry about them or deal with it. It'll just kind of...be a part of my life, and exist. Except life is messy, so that might not happen.  But! I have God on my side, and He knows where I am going, and what I need to do to get there. So, even though things might not happen the way I plan or want them to, things will happen, and I will grow, and change, and become who I need to be.

I hope you have had a great Sunday and weekend! I hope you've learned some things, and made some goals to improve. There's always room for improvement. I am grateful for my Savior, who is always willing to help me improve and progress. I'm grateful for friends, and family, who are always willing to listen, and always willing to help. I'm grateful for new experiences, difficult times, and trials that help me stretch and grow, and get out of my comfort zone. I've never really said this before, but I'm grateful for emotions, and feelings, and the fact that I get to feel so deeply. Sometimes it's hard, and painful, and messy, and I just want to not feel so intensely, but the painful times are worth all the happy and joyous ones that I experience so often. God is good, and I am blessed.

Xoxo
Mattie

He has been listening.

It's been an exciting week! I got a haircut, had my last day of work at catering (and got a small cake), and found my class ring! I was thinking today during the sacrament about what a blessing it was finding my ring, and what such a simple experience taught me:

You know that feeling you get when you lose something of value and importance to you? I misplaced my class ring earlier this month (I say earlier this month, but I mean early last month, in August) and have been looking and praying fervently for the past few weeks that I would find it. I thought I'd lost it in the Wilk (or, even worse, that I'd accidentally thrown it away). I was terrified and sad. Anyway, I went to the eye doctor on Thursday and took my glasses, and when I got home from work later that evening, set them on my bedside table (which is their normal spot). When I went to open it while I was getting ready for bed, there was my ring!! Not sure how it got there, or when, or what even happened because I have been using my glasses a lot lately this past month, and I am almost positive that it wasn't there before, but I'm just so grateful!! What a testimony builder! I been praying for other things lately, and I now know with a surety that God has been listening. In addition to that, this past summer I've kind of been struggling to feel the Spirit, and feel His presence. I just have felt alone and a little bit lost. I haven't felt like He has been listening to me, or answering. But now I know He has been listening. I know that He is guiding you, He is blessing you, He is watching you, and He is listening to you. You might not always feel Him, but I promise you that He is there. 

In Gospel Principles today, we talked about God and the Godhead. We focused on how God is our FATHER. Of all the roles and titles He has, and could have chosen to focus on, He asked us to call Him Father. And oh, how loving a father He is! He presides and provides for us. He is invested in our future. Not only that, but He is invested in US. Whether or not we believe in Him–whether or not we are a member of His church–He cares about us and wants what is best for us. He helps us recognize who we are. For the last couple of weeks in church, at some point, someone has brought up the parable of the refiner's fire, and becoming pure silver. Well, the silver was always silver, just impure. Just like we've always been a child of God, just imperfect. Through our trials, Heavenly Father helps us see who we always have been. We need to be open and honest with Him. And He will be open and honest (as much as He can) with us.

Relief Society was amazing today! So sad to see the Durfeys go, but I'm so grateful for all of the wonderful lessons that they've taught me! Sister Durfey talked about how we're all the same, and we're not alone. Yeah, we all go through different experiences, but we're not alone. We have friends who are going through similar experiences, or have gone through similar experiences. And we have a Heavenly Father who loves us, and knows us. He uses us to help others be able to feel His love for them. Sister Durfey also said today during the lesson something that I absolutely LOVED: "I wasn't given trials, I was given a blessing that came with trials." I loved that!! I can't even think of anything to follow it with. :)

Xoxo
Mattie