Gratitude and Lessons Learned.

This is my 201st post. Woohoo!

I know it's the middle of the night but I just wanted to stop and thank people. Being grateful is a quality of Christ that I am almost positive I do not have to work on because it is just in my nature to be grateful.

I am just soo grateful for soooo many people.

I am first and foremost grateful for my Heavenly Father and for my Savior, Jesus Christ. They have given me love and support my whole life, even when I felt like I didn't deserve any. They've always been there for me. I have always been able to count on them, even if I haven't done so for a long time.

I'd also like to recognize my parents. They love me and have given and taught me so much. I am so grateful for their sacrifices for me and for their constant support. They have done so much for me that I can't even begin to describe my gratitude for them.

I am so grateful for all of my family–my aunts and uncles, cousins, siblings, grandparents, and my great-grandparents. I am so thankful for all of their examples and for all of their love. My great-grandparents aren't on earth anymore, and I only knew two of them, but I know that they still love me and are proud of me. I was named after my mother and her grandmother (who I knew and loved dearly), and my father's grandmother (who died before I was born, I think) and I am so grateful for her. My daddy says that I am just like her, and I am so glad. I know I haven't always been a good girl, and I'm so sorry for that, but I am trying to be better and I know that my family still loves me. I don't think many of them know what I have done, but I am sure if they did that they would still love me.

I am so grateful for all of my schoolteachers. I have loved each and every one that I have had. They have all taught me wonderful and valuable things that I will always cherish.

My kindergarten teacher taught me that even grown-ups can look at the world in childlike wonder.
My first grade teacher taught me to be honest, and also that you don't always get rewarded for being dishonest.
My first second grade teacher taught me that I am special just the way I am, and my second second grade teacher taught me that reading is fun.
My third grade teacher taught me that love comes in many different forms; she also taught me that people may move on, but memories of love and kindness will never fade.
My fourth grade teacher taught me that you can be brave and do things that you never before thought you could do.
My fifth grade teacher taught me that love is kind, love is tender, and love is time; she also taught me that you can do anything you put your mind to.
My sixth grade teacher taught me that you can be brave and bold, and also kind.

Now we get on to the years of many teachers. I do not remember all of my junior high and high school teachers–I do not have that good of a memory–but I do remember several of my teachers from each year. I will only post about 2-3 of them in each grade, because that alone is 12-18 teachers.

Seventh grade: 

My science teacher taught me that science can be fun and challenging, and I relate that to being just like school in general, and also life.
My math teacher taught me that math is actually kind of fun sometimes–also like school and life.
My choir teacher taught me that timing is everything. 

I had two teachers that I had both in seventh and eighth grade, so I will talk about them in the middle. My English/History teacher taught me that being in advanced classes isn't always so hard, and it is super fun. My orchestra teacher taught me that you can always have fun doing things that may seem a little difficult, and looks can be deceiving. (Also, looks can be deceiving was the class that was deceiving. I wasn't sure how it was going to go, because I'd never been in a real orchestra before–one with violas and cellos and basses–but I was pleasantly surprised.)

Eighth grade: 

My science teacher (different one) taught me that different forms of science are different, yes, but they are also still science, and can even be fun.
My math teacher (different one) taught me that being different, and being funny, is okay. Fun, even.
My ballroom teacher taught me that, even with a small number of guys, ballroom class can still be fun, and you can still learn something (I will always remember the basic waltz, and the swing, and the cha-cha).

Note: after eighth grade, my family moved from Orem to Lehi, and I had a kind of hard time with it at first.

Ninth grade: 

My English teacher taught me that you can make the most out of every situation.
My math teacher taught me that you can have a sense of humor and can also have a deadly side that no one wants to see.
My P.E. teacher taught me that exercise can be fun sometimes. (Even when you are being forced to participate and you are getting graded on it.)

Tenth grade:

My history teacher taught me that you can do hard things, even if you don't always get along with someone. (Though I did get along with my teacher. I feel like I should mention that. She was great.)
My first math teacher that year taught me that you can turn hard things that seem impossible to hard things that are possible.
My physics teacher taught me that you can do fun things and learn in a class that may seem boring.

Eleventh grade: 

My floral design teacher taught me that even a class that seems easy takes work.
My calculus teacher taught me that just because you're hungry, you can't get out of doing work. (Also that when your name is called for val-o-grams, and you're not certain it was yours, and your teacher assures you that it was, and you jump out of your chair happily, your whole class will laugh at–and with–you.)
My chemistry teacher taught me that you can get rewarded for taking a lot of notes. (Like, A LOT of notes.)

Twelfth grade:

My art teachers taught me that you are more capable than you know.  

My government and citizenship teacher taught me that you can have fun in a class about government.

My AP statistics teacher taught me that if you stick to it, you can get through it.

Finally, I had one teacher all throughout high school. My orchestra teacher (she also happens to be my favorite teacher). I love her so much!!! She taught me so many things!! About life, about music, about relationships, about service (both being the giver and the receiver of said service).
She taught me that it's okay to be yourself.
She taught me that it's okay to be different.
She taught me that it's okay to be scared sometimes.
She taught me that sometimes life takes work.
She taught me to be independent.
She taught me that everyone has their stories.
She taught me that you may not know their whole story, but their story is what makes them who they are.
She taught me that you can make someone's day by doing something simple, without even knowing or understanding why.
She taught me that love is selfless, caring, and being a good listener.
She taught me that love is more than just words: Love is actions.
She was (and is) such a great example to me and I will be forever grateful to and for her because she changed my life. She may not know it, but she did, and I love her so much and am so grateful for her.

I know that I did not mention all of my teachers, and I know that I learned more things from a lot more of my teachers, but if I wrote about all of my teachers, I would be up all night. :) So, I am going to sum up by saying that: I loved all of my teachers, and they all taught me the importance of hard work, stick-to-it-iveness, and kindness, and I am so grateful for all of their sacrifices.

I am also extremely grateful for my church leaders. I know that without them, I would not be who I am today. They have taught me many things and been such good examples to me. I've learned so much from them. They have helped me in so many ways. I am so grateful for their sacrifices and service.

Finally, I am grateful for my friends. Oh how I love them!! They have all taught me the power of numbers, the power of love, the power of influence, and so many more powers. ;) They have all taught me that sometimes you have to stick up for yourself, and sometimes people will follow you–also, sometimes they will not, and that's okay too. They taught me that true friends can get together, and it will seem like no time has passed. They taught me that true friendship is magical.

I am so, so, so, SO grateful for all of the people in my life. Those that have been, those that are, and those that will be–for the first time, or again. I have learned so much from all of them, and I have taught them all, too, I'm sure. I know that God put them in my life for a reason. I know that they have all helped me in ways that I did not understand at the time, and in ways that I may still not know. Their presence in my life changed my life for the better. "I do believe I have been changed for the better" ("For Good", Wicked). Every one of the people that I have talked about here has taught me that you can love so many people; it's unbelievable how much love you can have for a lot of people.

I know that Heavenly Father sends us exactly who we need when we need them. I know that His influence is constantly in our lives. I know that sometimes things don't turn out the way that we would like them to, and that it is hard sometimes. But I do know that He is there for us. He is there for us when things get rough. When things get tough. He is there for us when we are sad. He is there for us after everything we've been through. He never left us, and we are never forgotten. I testify that these things are true. I testify that Jesus Christ really did die for us. I testify that He lives. He is our Redeemer, He is our Savior, and He is our Elder Brother. He loved us–and loves us– so much that He died for us. I know that, and I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

If I Could.

If I Could:
If I could feel my Savior's love, would I ever feel unloved?

If I could feel His arms around me, would I ever feel sad?

If I could feel His presence, would I ever feel alone?

If I could understand His grace, would I ever feel lost?

If I could understand the Atonement, would I ever feel unforgiven?

If I could understand the Plan, would I ever falter from the path?

If I could love as He did, would I ever impede my neighbors?

If I could serve as He did, would I ever leave someone in need?

If I could care as He did, would I ever ignore someone in need?

Because I have felt my Savior's love, I feel loved.

Because I have felt His arms around me, I am happy.

Because I have felt His presence, I know I'm not alone.

Though I do not fully understand His grace, I do not feel lost.

Though I do not fully understand the Atonement, I do not feel unforgiven.

Though I do not fully understand the Plan, I try not to falter from the path.

Because I try to love as He did, I love my neighbor.

Because I try to serve as He did, I serve those around me.

Because I try to care as He did, I help those in need. 

Because He loved–and because He loves–I, too, love. 

~~A poem by Me

I know He loves me. I know He is always there for me. I know that He loves and is there for you, too. And because He cannot serve us personally, He sends people to us to help us out. I love being the answer to someone's prayers, because sometimes being the answer to someone's prayer answers my prayers. Plus, I just love making people happy. :) I know that God loves it when everyone is happy, too, so I am always trying to make those that I meet happy because I know that that's what Jesus would do. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen. 

Tough times.

I've been having a hard time these past couple of weeks. I don't specifically know why. There's a couple of reasons that could be why:

Maybe it's because all of my friends are leaving on their missions.
Maybe it's because I'm worried about college.
Maybe it's because I have bronchitis and I hate coughing all the time (Seriously, I've been coughing since the beginning of July. That is 25 days too many).
Maybe it's because I feel like I'm having a hard time with my testimony.
Maybe it's because I feel like I'm doing everything all the time, and people expect a lot from me.
Or maybe it's because I'm feeling left out, and unloved, and forgotten. 

Whatever the reason is, I've been having a hard time, and I don't like it. I hate it, actually. It's not cool. I hate it!! I'm really worried, and I'm really sad. And no one will talk to me. It feels like that, anyway, and it's depressing. I feel alone and lost. I just don't understand what I'm going through right now, and it's tough. It's really hard. I don't know why I'm having such a hard time. I hate not knowing. I hate not understanding. I hate having a tough time. I hate it when I get frustrated. I hate it when I feel left out. I hate it when I feel unloved. I hate feeling forgotten, and I hate feeling abandoned.

Okay, now that I've said what I'm feeling, let me tell you what I'm feeling from God. I just prayed, and I told God what I'm feeling. I decided to search for my scriptural directory (It is seriously a life-saver. I'm going to post it here so you can have it) and look up a few scriptures.

This is the scriptural directory. It's so helpful, I promise.

First, I looked up Mark 8:35, which said, "For whosoever will save his life shall lose it; but whosoever shall lose his life for my sake and the gospel's, the same shall save it." This just means that when you are serving people–serving God–you're doing the right things.

Then I looked up John 14 (the whole chapter), which talks about how the only way back to Heavenly Father is through Jesus Christ. "I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me." If you come to know Christ, you will know our Heavenly Father. 

Finally, I looked up Matthew 11: 28-30, which says, "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest... For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." This scripture talks about how, by turning to Christ, our burden is lightened. He doesn't take it away, but He helps us lift it, and when we can lift it no longer, He will carry us. 

I am now going to address some of my fears/worries:

Maybe it's because all my friends are leaving on their missions.

My friends are leaving on their missions to serve The Lord! I am happy for them, but I am also worried for them. (I guess I'm also worried because since a lot of my guy friends are leaving on their missions, this means that I have to make new guy friends at school, and that's something I always fear and have trouble with.) However, I am excited to see how their missions go!!

Maybe it's because I'm worried about college.

College starts in little over a month, and I'm reaaaaalllllyy nervous. Again, excited to see how it goes, but really nervous because I don't know my room mate, and I'm a bit behind on packing. 

Maybe it's because I feel like I'm doing everything all the time, and people expect a lot from me.

I just feel like people are always asking me to do things. I feel like my siblings never do anything, and I do everything all the time, but the MINUTE I decide to take a break or do something else someone gets annoyed, angry, or frustrated with me because I'm "not helping" or I'm "being lazy". I just wanted a relaxing summer! I just wanted to hang out with my friends, and I just wanted to find a job. So far, I've hung out with my friends once or twice–maaaaaaaaybe three times–and I have yet to find a job. I'm glad that people can count on me, but sometimes I wish they wouldn't count on me so much.

Or maybe it's because I'm feeling left out, unloved, and forgotten.

I feel left out, I feel unloved, and I feel forgotten. I don't know why. I just...All my friends are doing something–they're either out of state, or they're actually going and doing things, and me? I'm babysitting allll suuummmmerrrrr (don't get me wrong. Sometimes it's been fun. But babysitting my siblings and cousins over and over and over and over again is getting annoying). The only things I've really done this summer are girls camp, youth conference, getting my wisdom teeth out, and touring BYU campus with my parents. And when I try and talk to my friends, sometimes they don't answer me. And I just feel forgotten sometimes. It's like I don't exist. I just...I'm worried that I won't ever find someone to love me. And I'm worried that, if I do, sometimes he won't see me, or hear me, and I'll lose him forever.

*sigh* Whew...I know that that is a lot of stuff to read, and it is a lot of stuff to feel, but this is just the bottom of the barrel, and I'm glad that I was able to get rid of some of it. I know that a lot of it was crap, and you don't really care about it, but I had to get it off of my chest. 

To conclude:

Life is tough. Actually, life is so, so, so tough, but God can make you stronger. God can help lift you up. Come to know Christ, because as you do so, you will come to know Heavenly Father. We all have troublesome times, we all have frustrations, and we all have worries. But if you turn to Christ, He will help you. He will help lift your burdens, and will carry you when you cannot walk any further. I know it. He will make you feel important, loved, and remembered. He will always be there. And if you feel alone, pray. If you feel unloved, read your scriptures. If you feel left out, do something about it. God loves you, and He is there for you always. <3

He always will.

I know I've posted a lot this week, but I still have to post something today. :) God knows you. He knows your thoughts, He knows your dreams, and He knows your deepest desires. And He loves you. Despite whatever you have done–despite all your sins, He still loves you, and He always will. <3

You don't have to try so hard.

I turned on my music to listen to, as I always do before bedtime. The second song that came on was "Try" by Colbie Caillat. The last stanza is my favorite:

Take your make-up off
Let your hair down
Take a breath
Look into the mirror, at yourself
Don't you like you?
'Cause I like you

And I just felt like God was talking to me, speaking to me. I've had a bit of a rough week, and I've had a kind of tough time with myself. I have a forehead that looks like the sky at night, and it's only a recent development, and I've been kind of...sensitive about it, I guess, even though no one has commented on it. And I guess...Yesterday my dad's work had a field day, and there was this really cute guy at the juggling booth, but he first thought that Porter was my son, so that was really embarrassing–I just felt kind of bad about myself. And I just am so glad that Heavenly Father is there for me. I am so glad that He loves me, and takes time to let me know that I'm perfect the way I am, and that there is no reason why I shouldn't like myself, because He loves me. I found this picture the other day, and I absolutely love it!!!

I just love this so much!! God worked so hard to make us the way that He wants us to be!! It makes Him sad when we don't love ourselves because He worked so hard and made us the way that He wants us to be. And He made us perfectly. We are perfect in His eyes, and we shouldn't ever try to change who we are because we are who we are because He made us that way. You don't have to try so hard, guys. We all make mistakes, and we are all imperfect people, but we are perfect to Him, and that's enough for me. 

When God talks to me.

I love it when God talks to me!! So, I was feeling a little alone, left out, forgotten, and sad about a bunch of things, and so I typed up this "letter":

Dear God,
I'm glad that all my friends are having fun. I'm glad that all my missionary friends are excited to go on their missions. I'm glad that everyone is having a good time. But what about me? Did you forget about me? I love you and know you have my best interests at heart, but what are they? I like seeing that all my friends are alive, and well, and having a good time, but what about me? I feel like I'm just doing the same things over and over, and I haven't really had a big fun thing since the beginning of the summer. It's just the same old routine. I feel like I'm never going to find anyone who is going to love me for me. Am I ever going to have a good time? Please, don't forget me. I feel alone enough as it is.
Love,
Your Daughter,
Mattie

And I tried to talk to my friend, but they weren't answering. So then I decided to open my scriptures. I'm ashamed to say that it's been a little while, and I'm also ashamed to say that opening my scriptures wasn't my first thought. I'm trying to be better about it, though. That's what I'm trying to work on as I get ready to leave for college. (P.S. College was part of the reason why I was feeling alone). ANYWAY. I have a "Spiritual Directory" and it's got all of these different "When you need to..." situations. I looked up the "When you need to feel loved" (John 15:13) and "When you need comfort" (Isaiah 49: 15-16). I also have a copy of the Relief Society theme that I looked at as I opened up my Daughters in My Kingdom book (I glanced at the first line before turning to my scriptures). Turns out they were all exactly what I needed!!

The Relief Society theme said: "Our lives have meaning, purpose, and direction."

Isaiah 49: 15-16 said: God will not forget me. I am engraved upon the palms of His hands.

John 15:13 said: "Greater love hath no man that this, that a man may lay down his life for his friends."

John 15:14 said: "Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you."

John 15:13 makes me think of the Atonement, and he called us His friends. His friends. We are not just a sea of people to Him. He knows us all by name. He knows our thoughts, our anxieties, our deepest fears, our deepest loves. He knows our trials, our tragedies, our happiest times, our worst times. He knows how hard losing our friend was. He knows how hard seeing someone you love get sicker. He knows how hard being alone is. He knows how hard you've worked. He knows how anxious you feel when you think you are bothering people. He knows it all. He knows. He did not just watch you. He is not just watching you go through it. He has gone through it already and is standing by, helping you get through it. He is giving you the strength you need, and when you cannot do it any longer, He will carry you. He has felt it all, and because of that, He will not let you fall.

I know that life is rough sometimes, but as I was thinking about it earlier, guess what? God is doing me a favor. I worked so hard though high school! I worked my tail off! Yeah, I did a lot of fun things, but I worked so hard to get good grades so I could get into a good college. It worked! I got into BYU-Provo!! And so I think that God is rewarding me. I worked really hard, and so He is giving me the summer off–literally. I would rather be doing fun things, like hanging out in my yard, going to the park, pool, etc. with my friends because we are all going in separate directions, but there's still time for that, I think. Anyway, I'm grateful for this break, now that I think about it. I don't know what I'm going to do about feeling like I'm not ever going to find someone who is going to love me for me, and who is worthy to take me to the temple, and who is going to make me feel safe, and who is going to treat me like a queen (When I find him, I'm going to make him feel safe and I'm going to treat him like a king). And so I'm trying to be worthy to go to the temple. I'm having a hard time finding time to study my scriptures, but I am going to try so hard this week!! I have two missionary farewells on Sunday (although my dad says they're not called that anymore, but whatever) that I am super excited for but I am also sad. A lot of my friends have already gone. And it's hard. It's been hard on me. I'm so excited for them and I'm so grateful for their examples, but I don't know what to do. Um, I have to go–it's getting late, and this topic is turning real personal real fast, and I don't want to get into that right now. So, to sum up: We are His friends, we are loved, and we are not forgotten–least of all by Him. Love you guys!! Thanks for reading! <3

P.S. The topic of the temple keeps popping up EVERYWHERE!! I am not even joking. So I do not know what that means. Maybe it means that I need to be getting ready. I am trying so, so hard, but I do not know if I am ready to be sent out into the world on my own yet...

No problem is too small for Him.

Couple of things today. One: Another one of my friends is leaving on his mission, so I went to hear him speak today and he talked about how your ancestors' attributes can help you on your mission and in life. It was very sweet. He's a swell guy and I'm excited for him to go, though I'm going to miss him. Two: I have a couple of pictures that have some really great quotes on them:

I love this!! If it's important to you, then it's important to Him. <3

He knows exactly what you're going through, and He
knows how to help you. <3

He loves us so much that He died for us!
Even if you had been the only person on the Earth,
He still would have died for you. <3

He loves you so much. Nothing you are going through or having trouble with is too small for Him. His love for you is so much bigger than you could ever imagine. He knows you, He is concerned for and about you, and He loves you. Nothing you say or do will ever change the fact that He loves you.

Mattie's guide to being happy, kind, and Christlike.

Always be optimistic.

Just smile. 

Thank everyone. 

Don't forget to be kind. 

Never make someone feel bad for doing something nice when the time isn't ideal for them (or you). 

Xylophones are fun to mess around on. If you get a chance, do it! 

Hey, wait! Don't forget to be patient! That's important. 

Respect others, even if you disagree with what they are doing/believe in. It's their decision/belief. Not yours. 

Be available. If someone needs to talk, and they turn to you, listen. They came to you because they trust you. 

Love everyone. Someone may not have someone to love them, and someone may feel unloved. Don't let them feel like they don't have someone who loves them, and don't let them feel unloved. 

To sum up: Be optimistic, be happy, be grateful, be kind, be compassionate, be fun, be patient, be respectful, be available, and be loving. :)

This world is going to get a whole lot worse before it ever gets better—though I'm not sure that it is going to get better—so it's important to remember that we are all people. We all have problems and we all make mistakes. If everyone was just kind to everyone, and wasn't mean to each other, all of our problems would be over. So be kind. Even if no one else is. Be respectful. Even if they're not. Smile. You could make someone's day. Just be as Christlike and compassionate as you possibly can. You'll be blessed. :)

Obedience.

Sister Nielson talked about obedience in Relief Society today, and I thought this quote was perfect!! "When we love the Lord, obedience ceases to be a burden. Obedience becomes a delight." (Joseph B. Wirthlin) I love this!! As you come closer to the Lord, and love Him, obeying Him becomes a delight. You want to obey Him; you know that it is right and true. Obeying Him makes you happier, and it makes you stronger. <3

We are all on our own personal trail of hope. Heavenly Father will send us blessings, angels, and comfort to give us strength as we go through difficult trials. Obedience to the commandments keeps us safe and enables us to reach our full potential. The commandments are loving guidance from our Heavenly Father and are a road map that can lead us home. Sister Nielson gave us this quote:

"Obedience to God can be the very highest expression of independence. Just think of giving to Him the one thing, the one gift, that He would never take...Obedience–that which God will never take by force–He will accept when freely given. And He will then return to you freedom that you can hardly dream of–the freedom to feel, and to know, the freedom to do, and the freedom to BE, at least a thousand fold more than we offer Him. Strangely enough, the key to freedom is OBEDIENCE."

I know that when we obey Heavenly Father's commandments, He blesses us. It may not always be right away, and it may not be in the way we expected, but He will always bless us. I know that He sends us angels to comfort us–He can send us people, or He can send us literal angels, and He can send us angels in other forms, such as the form of music. I know that we are never alone, and I know that He loves us. I know He is always with us, and I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ amen.