Dear God,
I'm glad that all my friends are having fun. I'm glad that all my missionary friends are excited to go on their missions. I'm glad that everyone is having a good time. But what about me? Did you forget about me? I love you and know you have my best interests at heart, but what are they? I like seeing that all my friends are alive, and well, and having a good time, but what about me? I feel like I'm just doing the same things over and over, and I haven't really had a big fun thing since the beginning of the summer. It's just the same old routine. I feel like I'm never going to find anyone who is going to love me for me. Am I ever going to have a good time? Please, don't forget me. I feel alone enough as it is.
Love,
Your Daughter,
Mattie
And I tried to talk to my friend, but they weren't answering. So then I decided to open my scriptures. I'm ashamed to say that it's been a little while, and I'm also ashamed to say that opening my scriptures wasn't my first thought. I'm trying to be better about it, though. That's what I'm trying to work on as I get ready to leave for college. (P.S. College was part of the reason why I was feeling alone). ANYWAY. I have a "Spiritual Directory" and it's got all of these different "When you need to..." situations. I looked up the "When you need to feel loved" (John 15:13) and "When you need comfort" (Isaiah 49: 15-16). I also have a copy of the Relief Society theme that I looked at as I opened up my Daughters in My Kingdom book (I glanced at the first line before turning to my scriptures). Turns out they were all exactly what I needed!!
The Relief Society theme said: "Our lives have meaning, purpose, and direction."
Isaiah 49: 15-16 said: God will not forget me. I am engraved upon the palms of His hands.
John 15:13 said: "Greater love hath no man that this, that a man may lay down his life for his friends."
John 15:14 said: "Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you."
John 15:13 makes me think of the Atonement, and he called us His friends. His friends. We are not just a sea of people to Him. He knows us all by name. He knows our thoughts, our anxieties, our deepest fears, our deepest loves. He knows our trials, our tragedies, our happiest times, our worst times. He knows how hard losing our friend was. He knows how hard seeing someone you love get sicker. He knows how hard being alone is. He knows how hard you've worked. He knows how anxious you feel when you think you are bothering people. He knows it all. He knows. He did not just watch you. He is not just watching you go through it. He has gone through it already and is standing by, helping you get through it. He is giving you the strength you need, and when you cannot do it any longer, He will carry you. He has felt it all, and because of that, He will not let you fall.
I know that life is rough sometimes, but as I was thinking about it earlier, guess what? God is doing me a favor. I worked so hard though high school! I worked my tail off! Yeah, I did a lot of fun things, but I worked so hard to get good grades so I could get into a good college. It worked! I got into BYU-Provo!! And so I think that God is rewarding me. I worked really hard, and so He is giving me the summer off–literally. I would rather be doing fun things, like hanging out in my yard, going to the park, pool, etc. with my friends because we are all going in separate directions, but there's still time for that, I think. Anyway, I'm grateful for this break, now that I think about it. I don't know what I'm going to do about feeling like I'm not ever going to find someone who is going to love me for me, and who is worthy to take me to the temple, and who is going to make me feel safe, and who is going to treat me like a queen (When I find him, I'm going to make him feel safe and I'm going to treat him like a king). And so I'm trying to be worthy to go to the temple. I'm having a hard time finding time to study my scriptures, but I am going to try so hard this week!! I have two missionary farewells on Sunday (although my dad says they're not called that anymore, but whatever) that I am super excited for but I am also sad. A lot of my friends have already gone. And it's hard. It's been hard on me. I'm so excited for them and I'm so grateful for their examples, but I don't know what to do. Um, I have to go–it's getting late, and this topic is turning real personal real fast, and I don't want to get into that right now. So, to sum up: We are His friends, we are loved, and we are not forgotten–least of all by Him. Love you guys!! Thanks for reading! <3
P.S. The topic of the temple keeps popping up EVERYWHERE!! I am not even joking. So I do not know what that means. Maybe it means that I need to be getting ready. I am trying so, so hard, but I do not know if I am ready to be sent out into the world on my own yet...
The Relief Society theme said: "Our lives have meaning, purpose, and direction."
Isaiah 49: 15-16 said: God will not forget me. I am engraved upon the palms of His hands.
John 15:13 said: "Greater love hath no man that this, that a man may lay down his life for his friends."
John 15:14 said: "Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you."
John 15:13 makes me think of the Atonement, and he called us His friends. His friends. We are not just a sea of people to Him. He knows us all by name. He knows our thoughts, our anxieties, our deepest fears, our deepest loves. He knows our trials, our tragedies, our happiest times, our worst times. He knows how hard losing our friend was. He knows how hard seeing someone you love get sicker. He knows how hard being alone is. He knows how hard you've worked. He knows how anxious you feel when you think you are bothering people. He knows it all. He knows. He did not just watch you. He is not just watching you go through it. He has gone through it already and is standing by, helping you get through it. He is giving you the strength you need, and when you cannot do it any longer, He will carry you. He has felt it all, and because of that, He will not let you fall.
I know that life is rough sometimes, but as I was thinking about it earlier, guess what? God is doing me a favor. I worked so hard though high school! I worked my tail off! Yeah, I did a lot of fun things, but I worked so hard to get good grades so I could get into a good college. It worked! I got into BYU-Provo!! And so I think that God is rewarding me. I worked really hard, and so He is giving me the summer off–literally. I would rather be doing fun things, like hanging out in my yard, going to the park, pool, etc. with my friends because we are all going in separate directions, but there's still time for that, I think. Anyway, I'm grateful for this break, now that I think about it. I don't know what I'm going to do about feeling like I'm not ever going to find someone who is going to love me for me, and who is worthy to take me to the temple, and who is going to make me feel safe, and who is going to treat me like a queen (When I find him, I'm going to make him feel safe and I'm going to treat him like a king). And so I'm trying to be worthy to go to the temple. I'm having a hard time finding time to study my scriptures, but I am going to try so hard this week!! I have two missionary farewells on Sunday (although my dad says they're not called that anymore, but whatever) that I am super excited for but I am also sad. A lot of my friends have already gone. And it's hard. It's been hard on me. I'm so excited for them and I'm so grateful for their examples, but I don't know what to do. Um, I have to go–it's getting late, and this topic is turning real personal real fast, and I don't want to get into that right now. So, to sum up: We are His friends, we are loved, and we are not forgotten–least of all by Him. Love you guys!! Thanks for reading! <3
P.S. The topic of the temple keeps popping up EVERYWHERE!! I am not even joking. So I do not know what that means. Maybe it means that I need to be getting ready. I am trying so, so hard, but I do not know if I am ready to be sent out into the world on my own yet...
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