Take the New Year and make yourself into someone better than you've ever been.

Happy New Year's Eve! Can you believe it's the end of the year?! What a crazy year it has been! It's been a really stressful year that has stretched me in ways I couldn't even imagine being stretched in. But it's been a good year for me. I've grown and learned a lot. I've learned a lot about me and things that I want, and things that I need, and I have grown closer to my Savior in so many wonderful and beautiful ways. I am looking forward to continue to grow closer to Him, and to hopefully grow stronger and become more confident in several additional aspects of my life. I am hoping to change a lot of things this year, with the help of my Savior. I am not going to be able to do all the things I am planning to do without Him, so it is a good thing I can turn to Him. I am excited for this New Year and can't wait to see where it takes me!

This year has been really full of a lot of changes, and distressing times, and a lot of decisions that I needed to make, but I realized that:
1) I need to finish school. Whatever happens, I need to get a degree. Last semester was the worst one yet, and I really wanted to quit, but I need to finish. I am literally so close.
2) I am going to be okay by myself.
3) I am who I am, and that is okay. But sometimes I need to take a breather and slow down, and calm down.
4) Sometimes I will not know what I am doing. Sometimes I will not know where I am going. Sometimes I will just not know. And that is completely fine.

Because of the things I've learned this year, I have several ideas for my New Year's Resolutions:
-To be confident and patient/to have confidence and patience (in myself, in friendships, in dating, etc.)
-To be stronger (in my testimony, in my determination to do what's right)
-To be less me (focus more on others)
-To be more studious (in school, in scripture study. I also want to study The Living Christ this year)
-To be more grateful (I want to focus more on what I have)
-To go to the temple more (I want to make a goal to go to the temple for baptisms/confirmations at least once a month, but to go to the temple grounds at least two times a month)

When making New Year's Resolutions, here are some things to keep in mind:
-Start now
-Keep an eternal perspective
-Find what works for YOU
-Accept that you will fail (maybe not all the time, but you will fail)
-Remember that no matter how many times you fail, Heavenly Father is proud of you for trying and will always love you!

Last year, one of my New Year's Resolutions was to focus on my Savior every week. I am not going to lie, I don't think I 100% followed that resolution. But I think it was because I was looking at it the wrong way. I think that because of what I've learned in the last year, and the resolutions I have this year, that I will be able to focus more on my Savior this year.
I think what I should have done last year was what I did this year: make more mini-goals to add up to my big goal(s). Another thing that I should have done was keep a special journal to track my progress in my goals. I also just saw an idea that I loved that I want to adapt and try: the idea was to, at the end of the week, write something good that happened that week and put it in a mason jar. I want to try and write at the end of the day something good that happened that day. And if I can't think of something, I'll write something about the day that I'm grateful for. I think that this will help me be more positive, and be able to focus on things, and ground myself when I'm having tough or dark days. If I can just find one bright thing about my day, even when it's been horrible, I know that I will be able to get through it.

It's been a good year! Long, and full of many adventures, misadventures, and learning, but it was a good year. I hope that I can take this New Year and make not only it and my life into something good, but I hope that I can take it and make me into someone better than I've ever been before. I hope that you can work on your resolutions throughout the whole year. Don't be discouraged if you fail a time or two--if you never fail, you never succeed.

Xoxo
Mattie

Everything He did, He did for us.

I love going home. I am so thankful for the Christmas season. I love my Savior and am so grateful for His birth, life, and sacrifice. I would no be where I am today without Him. I have been given so much help and strength from Him, and He has sent me people I've needed–they've either been friends I've needed, lessons I needed to learn, or they've been a source of love, help, and strength. Sometimes they've been all three. I am so grateful for them though. No matter what I learned or gained, they were what I needed at the time. I wish I could understand...I wish we could all understand why we all have to go through hard and painful things, because sometimes it feels like they will never end and that there aren't lessons to learn from them, but I know that there is a lesson. Someday, you will know the answer. I know that you are learning things from each and every experience you got through. And you are becoming a better, stronger person for it.

Merry Christmas Eve! I hope you are able to remember the reason for the season. Christmas is a time to remember the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ. I am so grateful for His sacrifice and His willingness to come to Earth to be born to save us all. He was born to save us, He lived to save us, and He died to save us. Everything He did, He did it for us. I am so thankful for Him. I do not know where I would be without Him, and I do not want to find out.

I am grateful for His mother, and for her willingness to give birth to Him, and to teach Him how to be kind, and considerate, and compassionate, and loving. I am so thankful for Joseph, and for his willingness to teach Him hard work, and diligence, and strength. Because through these lessons to Him, I have learned how to be this way.

I hope you have a safe and warm and happy Christmas! God bless you!

Xoxo
Mattie

The answers will come in time.

Finals week is finally here and I could not do it without my Savior. This week has been really difficult mentally and I am so grateful I am not alone. I got my first two finals DONE! And although I am nervous for the remaining three, I feel like I will be able to focus and study more this week.
I am so thankful for friends willing to talk and listen. It has been so helpful this week. Finals week is always hard, but for some reason this semester's finals have seemed to be so impossible. I think it might be because of a lot of things, but I am slowly working through it with the help of my Savior. He has made this insanely difficult semester bearable, and He has blessed me with amazing roommates and friends that I can talk to. I can never thank Him–or them–enough for being willing to be there, and for being there for me on my darkest, most lonely, most depressing, most unmotivated days. There are some things, I've come to realize, I have to live with, and some of those things I can't deal with alone. So I am beyond blessed to have a loving Heavenly Father who sent His Son to die for me so that I don't have to go through it alone. I can always turn to Him and He will always be there for me. 

I had a wonderful day today, and I did a lot of thinking. I've done a lot of thinking these past few weeks.

College is so difficult.

Dating is so difficult.

Life is hard. You have to deal with lots and lots of people with many different personalities. You have to figure out how to deal with their emotions, and how to treat them properly. You have to go to work, and go to school.

It's hard to maintain an eternal perspective in life sometimes.  But God will bless you with people. He will bless you with experiences. He will bless you with exactly what you need to remind you of your divine potential. He will bless with you with exactly what you need to keep an eternal perspective.

You have to keep your head up.

You might be going through some crazy tough times, and it might have been happening for a long time, or for a short period of time. You might not understand WHY these things are happening to you. You might not be able to see HOW these trials will help you in the future.

But I promise you...the answers WILL come in time. God will not leave you alone, without answers or peace. He will bless you. He loves you and wants what is best for you.

Xoxo
Mattie

The Christmas Musical Fireside!!

Oh my goodness gracious, guys, the Fireside was SO AMAZING!!!!! AH!!! I really could feel the Spirit so strong and all of the musical numbers were wonderful and amazing! I am so thankful that this month-long project of mine turned out really well!! It has been such a blessing in my life to work on, and even though it has been very stressful, all of the hard work that everyone has put into it paid off!! There was so much passion, and humbleness, and spiritualness in each and every piece–it was beautiful, and magical, and I am so, so, so, thankful!!!  💜💜💜💜💜💜

Allow yourself to be forgiven.

Well, today's the day of all the musics!! I was thinking a lot about it during the sacrament today.

I am so thankful for my Savior. It has been a crazy and stressful week, what with finalizing the Fireside tonight, writing papers, and preparing to sing my solo in sacrament meeting. I was able to get everything done but am now absolutely termed something is going to go horribly wrong. Also, I'm nervous, so that doesn't exactly help haha. It honestly is going to be so amazing but my anxiety kicked in this week/weekend and I've been struggling to kick it out. Luckily I have been praying for peace and calm assurance, so I'm feeling slightly better. I don't know where I'd be without my Savior's help and love. I need i each and every day. So thankful that He is always there!  💜

Well, first music of the day was me singing "Oh Holy Night" in sacrament meeting. And of course I was the first number right after the sacrament. So the whole time the sacrament was going on I was trying to be so, so calm, but I was honestly absolutely terrified (as you can see from my thoughts during the sacrament today). Afterwards, I was like, "I feel like I am simultaneously getting better and more confident at performing, but also more nervous each and every time." I don't know how that works haha but that's how it is.

In Gospel Principles, we talked about the Atonement of Jesus Christ, and we talked about it in an amazing new light that I loved. Some of the things that we talked about today were things that I needed to hear. One thing that we talked about was that forgiveness is you repenting of having hard feelings for them, and forgiving the debt that you feel they owe you. It isn't possible for them to pay that debt. Only Jesus Christ can do that. Another thing we talked about was that part of turning to God and Christ is allowing ourselves to be forgiven. If He says we're forgiven, we're forgiven.

(One thing I was thinking about, too, is that we need to allow ourselves to feel. Feel love, feel patience, feel forgiven, etc.)

I loved church today! It was so amazing and I received several answers, which is always the best! :)

Now, I am so nervous and excited for the fireside tonight!! We had choir practice at 2:30p today and we TOTALLY NAILED the song that has been the most tricky, so I am so excited!! It is going to be so fun! And so full of music and messages of the birth of Jesus Christ. I am so grateful for this opportunity, but it has been very stressful. I am so thankful for my friend (and choir pianist) Julia for all of her help. ALSO! I have always been very grateful towards those in charge of putting on concerts and firesides and things, and now I am 1000% more grateful and I totally understand all the things that they go through now. Like, I had an idea, but honestly, I had NO IDEA.

So grateful for this Christmas season! I'm grateful for #LightTheWorld and the opportunities for love and service that I have to share my love and to serve those around me. Hope you have a non-stressful and very pleasant week! I'll post how the Fireside goes later in a new post! Happy Sunday!

Xoxo
Mattie

Rejoice in the times you've done right.

Happy December!! I am so excited for this holiday season!!

It's been quite a stressful week for me. But it's been a pretty good weekend, so that's been great. I am so thankful for friends who are always willing to listen and lend a helping hand. I'm thankful for my Savior, who's helped me know the things I can/cannot/should not do this past week. I learned a lot about what I want and need to do this week, and in the weeks to come. And I think I am ready. Last night, I couldn't figure out how to say what I was feeling. So instead, I took 10-20-ish minutes or so and just drew. I had 3 different ideas and only 2 of them I was able to finish, but I think they capture how I've been feeling lately. And now that I've 'vocalized' them, I feel a lot better. I guess I just needed to get those feelings out (which makes sense when I think about who I am as a person, but I digress). I am so grateful for the talents that I have ben given that help me express my feelings in a myriad of ways when the other ones don't work out. I'm grateful for my Savior, and for His life and example. I'm grateful for opportunities that I have to serve those around me, and for the love that I feel from my friend  on my darkest days. Sometimes I don't think I can make it though, but then I remember specific friends who have blessed my life in countless ways, and I feel their love and support, and I know that I can make it.

I wanted to share my favorite thoughts that were shared today:
-Everyone has something that is persistent and needs persistence to overcome, and sometimes we just want to give up. Whatever tunnel you're going through, however long it is...we can be tempted to throw in the towel...but the light of Christ is and will be with you.
-The Savior can deliver us from hard times. He is ALWAYS there. Even if we can't see Him.
-Put Jesus Christ first (and everything will fall into place).
-There is no place you cannot go that He has not been before. Is there a light at the end of the tunnel? Or is the light walking beside us?
-Rejoice in the times you've done right.
-You have the right to be made completely whole through the Atonement.

We talked about dating in Relief Society today, which isn't always my favorite topic. But today was good. The main thing that was talked about was to be yourself, be patient, be honest, etc...All things that I've heard all the time. But one thing that I wrote down was, "Be who you want to be married to." I loved that. I think it's not really cool if you expect certain things of the person you want to be married to and you're not that way. Like, I personally am looking for someone who is kind and loves to serve other people. Luckily I am already that way, but if I wasn't kind or loved serving other people, it wouldn't be right if I expected my future husband to be that way when I wasn't.

Never forget who you are. You are a wonderful individual who deserves peace and love. You are a wonderful daughter or son of God, who loves you and wants you to be happy.

I am so excited for the #LightTheWorld initiate that the Church has put out this year. I wanted to share today's video. I hope this link works! I am so excited for this year's 25 days of service. I hope you will check it out.

I am so excited for my ward's Christmas Musical Fireside next week!! It is going to be amazing! I can't wait!! I have put so much into this project this semester and honestly it has been such a blessing! It's been wonderful to have a positive activity to focus my energy on amidst all the struggles of this semester. It's been hard, and I've sometimes focused on the negative aspects of the semester, but I know that as I've rejoiced in the things that I have done right, and as I have given myself credit for the things that I have gotten done, and given myself some slack for different things that didn't go according to plan, life has had a more positive outlook. I can't always control things, and I need to recognize that. I have been working on it and it is getting better. :)

I hope you have a wonderful week! :)

Xoxo
Mattie

He is patiently waiting.

I am so thankful for the opportunity I had to go home for Thanksgiving Break. It was much needed!! And even though I'm 100% not ready for the next 3 and a half weeks of school (and I'm super nervous about finals), I am 100% well-rested for the next 3 and a half weeks of school. So! That should carry me through the rest of this week. ;) But honestly it's been a fantastic weekend and it has been so relaxing to spend time with my family, and to not worry about school every minute of every day. :)

Life is tough. And decisions are hard. Mistakes are made ALL the time. And sometimes it feels like there is no turning back. But there is. God is there, patiently waiting (and I mean honestly, 100% patiently. No inward groans of "Why is she taking so long?" or "Who let him make that mistake again?" He honestly is just patiently waiting) for you to admit you made a mistake, or come to terms with your mistake and move on through the stages of repentance with His help.

Some of the ways that we can make less mistakes/sin less were talked about in a couple of meetings today, and I wanted to discuss a few of them. Also I had some answered prayers in Sunday School and Relief Society today, so that was absolutely wonderful!!

First thing we can do to help us make less mistakes to serve others. There are so many opportunities to serve all around us. We just need to pray for eyes to see, and opportunities to be there, and then we need to look and watch. They will be there. As we serve others, we won't be worried or focused on ourselves, and thus we won't make as many mistakes or sin as much.

Second thing we can do is to follow the prophet, and listen to our Heavenly Father, and obey His commandments as much as we can.

Third thing we can do is to read the scriptures. Specifically the Book of Mormon. Every day. Yep. I said every day. Or try to read it as many days in a week as you can. It's okay if you accidentally miss a few days. God understands. You should just be patient with yourself. You can't always have a perfect scripture studying record because you're human and you make mistakes. You forget things. It's okay. We've all been there. By reading the Book of Mormon daily (or mostly daily) you will be blessed with the ability to make better decisions. You will be immunized against the evils of today, and against harmful addictions like pornography. You will receive answers to your prayers. And you will receive hope. All these blessings were found in President Nelson's October 2017 Saturday Afternoon Session of General Conference talk entitled "The Book of Mormon: What Would Your Life Be Like without It?" It's an amazing talk and I need to go over it again because it is such a great talk! I'm so glad we talked about it in Relief Society today!

Fourth thing we can do (and the last one I am going to talk about today) is we can put on the whole armor of God. To do that, we need to:
1) Have our loins girt about with TRUTH. God's truth. By knowing His truths, we'll be able to run/go further in the gospel.
2) Have on the breastplate of RIGHTEOUSNESS. One way to do that is to keep your covenants. This helps keep us on the right path to God. Truth and righteousness give us a solid base and keeps us where we need to be. Remember that sometimes, though, we will lose battles, but also remember that we haven't lost the war yet!
3) Have our feet shod with the Preparation of the GOSPEL OF PEACE. The gospel of peace is like the spirit/attitude of being a peacemaker. We need to prepare for all different kinds of trials and hard times that we might go through. Spiritually and physically.
4) Take up the shield of FAITH which helps us quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. Faith helps protect us from our doubts. Unlike a real shield in war, the shield of faith gets STRONGER the more you use it! So, use it often! The focus of our faith should be centered in Christ.
5) Put on the helmet of SALVATION. Salvation is an individual matter, and the Plan of Salvation is focused in Christ. He can help keep us safe.
6) Take up the sword of the SPIRIT. And the Word of God. The best way that we can fight Satan, and the darkness, is with the Spirit and the Word of God.

I am so thankful for the Book of Mormon! I've been having to read it for my religion class and it has blessed my life! I've seen amazing miracles happen in my life and I know it's because I've been studying the Book of Mormon. I know that God patiently waits for us to take steps in the right direction, and He will always wait for us to come back. I love this cartoon because I think it shows us who Jesus is. He really does love us and is ready and waiting for us as soon as we turn back to Him.

I had a really wonderful Sunday and am so grateful for the time I spent with my family. I am ready to finish this semester (hopefully!) and I am ready to go out with a bang!

I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving and that you have a wonderful week this week!

Xoxo
Mattie

Focus and remember.

I've got a lot I have to do in the next couple of days before Thanksgiving Break. My professors (at least two of them) decided to have everything due the day before break. And of course I work late both Monday and Tuesday since Tuesday is a Friday schedule, and I'm really worried I won't get my assignments done/turned, or my test taken. But I just need to be patient, take things one at a time and go slow. And, of course, ask my Heavenly Father for help. As long as I focus, and work hard, I think I will be fine. It's just a matter of finding my focus. Well, actually, I know my focus: it's my Savior. I just need to remember to focus on His help, and trust in Him, and do my part to work hard. He will bless me. I know He will. I just need to focus and remember.

Something that Sister DeVincent said in her talk in sacrament meeting today really stood out to me. She said, the Lord blesses those who want to improve.  I loved that! When you have a desire to improve, He'll help you.

Brother DeVincent said that as you keep the commandments, God will bless you as He says. It might take some time, but He will bless you.

In temple prep we talked about the blessings of the temple, and one thing that the Bushmans said was that going to the temple blesses us and brings us closer to the Spirit, and to our Heavenly Father. You'll never regret going to the temple.

In Relief Society, we talked about missionary work, and the main thing we talked about was loving them. Don't preach, don't tear down, or whatever. Just love them. Be yourself. Live the way you live, and answer questions they have. But don't force it on them. Just love them. When they're ready, they'll be able to move forward. We also talked about how we need to be living our lives in such a way that God can use us an instrument in His hands and to help move His work forward.

I am so happy for the things that I learned today! It was a relaxing day!

I'm so excited! The choir sang in sacrament meeting today and it was SO GOOD!! I am SO pleased with the way that the number turned out! We sang "For the Beauty of the Earth" and it was so pretty!! And now we get to focus on our Christmas music for the fireside in three weeks! Eee! Three weeks! That's so far away and yet, so close!! I'm super excited! The numbers are coming along nicely and I am just super ecstatic for the fireside! It's going to be really fun and spiritual! I can't wait!!

Hope you have a fun and safe week! Travel safely, for those traveling for Thanksgiving. Enjoy your time with family and friends. :)

Xoxo
Mattie

Respect, love, and kindness–be perfect in trying.

Tender mercies are amazing, beautiful little things that always seem to come when I'm feeling the most down. I'm thankful that my Heavenly Father knows my needs and fills them, and I'm grateful for the little reminders that I am not alone, forgotten, or unloved. I'm grateful for the opportunities I have to bless others with that same knowledge, and to fill them with feelings of happiness, peace, and love.

 Sacrament meeting was wonderful! I loved all the messages on gratitude that were given today. Two of my favorites were:
-Being grateful is a good way to be happy.
-Being grateful for the things Heavenly Father does for us can improve our relationship with Him.

One of the things I learned in temple prep today I already sort of knew, but the way that it was presented was amaaaazing and just really stood out to me!

Josh wrote on the board:
worthiness ≠ worth/value
worthiness = preparation

I loved that! It was so clear and easy to see what worthiness is and is not. Worthiness is your preparation. It's not your worth or your value. You are ALWAYS going to have worth and value. That is never going to change. Your worthiness, however, will depend on how prepared you.

Josh shared a quote by President Hinckley. He said, "We believe in chastity before marriage and total fidelity after marriage. That about sums it up. That is the way to happiness in living. That is the way to satisfaction. It brings peace to the heart and peace to the home."

We talked about how we all have things that hold us back, but because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, we can get through it. We can make it through. We also talked about how there are a lot of different Christian/nonChristian churches, with a lot of different beliefs, and you can pick and choose which one fits your standards. But Josh said, "This is the church that helps us fit God's standards" (emphasis added). I loved that! We are not meant to change the Lord's standards, but we are meant to try and live them.

We talked about how to help people who are struggling with maybe the Word of Wisdom, or the Law of Chastity, and we just said how important it is to listen, and to love them no matter what, and to be respectful and courteous when they're talking to you. It's sometimes hard to share the deepest parts of you with people, and if they make fun of you, or make light of the situation, it doesn't make you want to open up to anyone ever again.

Relief Society was beautiful! We started off with a Dove beauty campaign video that shows/talks about how we view ourselves versus how we view others, and how others view us. We talked about how, as we visit teach our sisters, we help them see their potential. We help them see themselves how we see them. :)

We talked about fellowshipping with those not of our faith today, and there were just a few messages that I loved that I wanted to share:
-Focus on the positives about people.
-Just be a good example.
-Kindness is key.

President Hinckley's fourth point was one of my favorites. He said, "When we treat others with love, respect, and kindness, we show that we are true disciples of Jesus Christ." I love that so much. There is really no other way to show that we are true disciples of Christ. Treating others with respect, kindness, and love, no matter what the circumstances, is the epitome of being a disciple of Christ.

Personally, I try every day to treat others with love, respect, and kindness. It's important to me that everyone feels loved and respected. Sometimes, I make a mistake, but I try again and again. I might not be perfect at treating others with love and kindness, but I am perfect in trying, and I think that that is all God asks of us.

I'm so grateful for the lessons today. I'm grateful for my Savior, and for His hand in my life. I'm grateful for my Heavenly Father and for His love and support. I'm so thankful that the Christmas Musical Fireside I am in charge of is going well already!! I can't wait for it!! I'm so excited and grateful to be in charge of it! It's going to be so amazing and I am just super ecstatic about it!

Hope you have a great week! It's almost Thanksgiving! Hold on for about 11 more days!

Xoxo
Mattie

The Book of Mormon brings peace, clarity, and answers to my life.

I am so thankful for the sacrament. I am so grateful for the opportunity I have to renew my covenants with God, and to start the week anew. Sometimes I make mistakes, and sometimes I make the same mistakes, but I am learning! I might make the same mistakes, but sometimes I quit while I'm ahead. I think to myself, "Mattie, you're better than this," or, "Mattie, you can overcome this. You're strong enough," and I choose to stop, or I choose to get up and change the situation, and go serve someone. Sometimes our trials and temptations seem like they are bigger than us, or have a hold on us so tight that they won't let go, but at some point, we can overcome. Not all the time, and not always right at the start, but a lot of the time, and early enough. One thing that honestly and truly helps me is reading the Book of Mormon. I have been reading every day for my Book of Mormon class, and it has helped me so much! Yeah, sometimes I slip in my trials/temptations, and I make a mistake again, and I fall backwards. But once every couple of weeks now versus sometimes every other day then is PROGRESS! And I welcome and am proud of that progress! 

We all have our own struggles, our own trials, our own temptations, and they're all different, and require different answers. But I know that the Book of Mormon helps us find those answers. It helps us find peace. It helps us find clarity. It helps us heal and become whole again as we turn to our Savior and trust in His Atonement.

Last night, my roommate and I were studying 3 Nephi 19, and I noticed that Jesus went away from His Nephite disciples three times to pray, much like when He was giving the prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane. Except this time, His disciples were still awake and praying when He comes back. One other thing I noticed is that in 3 Nephi, this is happening during the day, and there is a lot of mentioning how white and bright everything is. In the Garden, it's nighttime, and His disciples keep falling asleep. I don't think the similarity between these two events is a coincidence. I never made this connection between the two events before, and I thought it was just an amazing connection to make. (Another thing I just thought about is that three is such a powerful and repeated number in the scriptures. "Three is a magic number.")

I bore my testimony in sacrament meeting today and I honestly don't remember it at all! I was so terrified, my heart was pounding, and I was struggling to keep my body upright, but I knew I had to get up and say something because I had been thinking about the Book of Mormon during the sacrament and I knew that I had to express my gratitude for it, and how it has helped me through this semester, and through some of the trials I have been going through lately. (Of course, the moment I sat down after I was done bearing my testimony, my heartbeat was back to normal. Glad I can depend on it to keep me calm during moments of extreme terror ;) )

I'm grateful for the lessons I learned in church today. I didn't specifically take too many notes, I mostly listened today, which is all right. Sometimes you just need to listen. Today I just needed to listen, and feel, and take into my soul. I am grateful for my ward–I learn something new each and every day just from interacting with my friends, and they are all so wonderful and insightful and bring new insights to the gospel that I've never seen or thought of before. I'mg grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who knows just what I need and cares enough about me to send me what I need, and to bless me every day.

Xoxo
Mattie

He is there to help us at our most vulnerable points.

I find that even the craziest weeks go smoothly when I take the time to study my scriptures. I'm not perfect at always remembering to do so, but when I do remember, my days seem to go better. I'm less stressed, more alert, and more in tune with the Spirit. On days when I don't, I'm more stressed, more forgetful, and more anxious, which tends (at times) to drive the Spirit away. Not a lot, but enough that it throws my whole day off. I know I'm blessed when I take the time to study my scriptures. I'm blessed with more time–or, at least, time well-spent and managed–and with a more alert mind. I'm also blessed with the Spirit. So grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who blesses me with the capacity to see and understand when I am blessed because I obey Him.

Sacrament meeting was wonderful today! We had two beautiful musical numbers and two awesome talks.

Misfortune happens to us all the time. It doesn't depend on your personal worthiness or unworthiness; life just happens to everyone.

Reasons why we obey the commandments:
1. Simple Obedience
2. Habit
3. Fear of Punishment
-Affliction is not necessarily evidence that one has sinned (Job)
-Neither prosperity nor suffering can easily be interpreted
4. Desire for Blessings
-Promises to groups don't mean consistent prosperity for all the people in the group all the time
5. Out of love for the Lord
-Our nature and purpose on this earth is to have joy
-The joy we feel has little to do with our circumstances and everything to do with the focus of our lives.

In Gospel Principles, we talked about prayer. It was a very enlightening lesson and I learned a lot.
-God cares about us, so what we care about is also important to Him.
-You can't get an answer by praying, "Should I...?" because you're asking Him to take away your agency. You need to first make a decision, and ask, "How can I go about this decision?" And God will guide you.
-Heavenly Father accepts what we bring to the table. He wants to help us.
-If you do your best, God will do the rest.
-Look for what God wants, not what you want.
-He is there to help us at our most vulnerable points.
-It's okay to be honest and tell God how you feel, as long as you are humble enough to listen to what He has to say in response.

In our 5th Sunday lesson, Sister Harline said something that I loved. She said, "Be prayerful in your dating and ask for guidance." I forget that that is a thing that I can ask for help with. God cares about all the things that I do, and dating is included in that. :)

So thankful for the lessons today! I'm thankful for my Heavenly Father's guidance and the lessons that He teaches me that I need to know. He is there for us always, and He listens to us in our most vulnerable states–our most emotional times. He will always listen, but we have to make sure that we listen to Him in return.

Xoxo
Mattie

"The price we paid to become acquainted with God was a privilege to pay."

I'm not perfect.

Sometimes people get on my nerves and I get really annoyed. I know I shouldn't, but sometimes I do. I try not to let it show, but sometimes my temper gets the best of me, and my words come out biting, short, clipped. I wonder how it makes them feel. Does it bother them? Can they ever tell? Is it all in my head, and I just think it's obvious and sounds that way? I think sometimes they can tell. It makes me feel bad, using my words in a not-so-nice way. I know how it feels. I know how it hurts. But tempers are a fickle thing, and I'm only human. So I'm bound to make a mistake, have a misstep. All that really matters is that I repent and try again. And again. And again. Thankfully, my Savior is there to give me a hand. I couldn't do it without Him. Someday, I'll be perfect. But, for now, I'll just apologize and try again.


Church today was amazing!!

The choir sang today and it was so good!! I got a lot of compliments on the beauty of the piece, and how it brought the Spirit, and that made me feel really happy, because that is the point of my calling, and the point of the choir's musical numbers: to bring the Spirit. So when I get people thanking me, and telling me the choir sounded beautiful, it makes me happy. It makes me feel like I'm making a difference. :)

The topic in sacrament meeting today was conversion. There were a few things that were said that really stood out to me. Conversion takes time; it's a process. Being converted and having a testimony aren't necessarily the same thing. The Lord expects us to have faith, and we must do all we can to fortify ourselves spiritually.

In Sunday School, we talked about the pioneers. Someone said that a major part of understanding our trials is by being humble enough to ask God why we have these trials. Trials force us to be less complacent in life, and make a decision. Nate shared a quote that I loved, "The price we paid to become acquainted with God was a privilege to pay, and I am thankful that I was privileged to come in the Martin Handcart Company", and I feel like the beginning portion in italics can be applied to us. The price we pay to become acquainted with God is worth it, and is a privilege to pay. It's so amazing that He trusts us and loves us enough to let us become acquainted with Him!

Relief Society was awesome! My roommate shared a few questions that I loved and think can apply to life in a lot of different ways:
-Are you trying to do this by yourself?
-Do you need to?
-Will you let Him help you?
She said that we are yoked to Christ, and He goes one by one, step by step, and from grace to grace.

There is a mission for us. There's a mission for me. And a mission for you. We are all here for a purpose. God wants us to try and, He wants us to work hard. And He will be there for us, and He will bless us.

I'm so thankful that I have learned so much this past month, from General Conference, and stake conference, and ward conference. There has been a lot I've learned, and needed to hear, and needed reminders of. I'm needed here. I'm loved. I'm wanted. And I need to learn to love and accept myself. I'm working on it, and I think it's going really well.

I hope you have a wonderful Sabbath Day! I love you and wish you the best week!

Xoxo
Mattie

Hope cometh of faith.

Something I was thinking about today during the sacrament was that, "Life has its ups and downs, but God is there to lift me during the downs, and cheer during the ups. I am blessed beyond measure in my life right now. I am blessed, loved, and here for a purpose."

Today was our ward conference, and I am so thankful for all that was taught today! Our theme was Ether 12:4. Two main topics were "Always abounding in good works" and "Hope (for a better world)".

Bishop said something in sacrament meeting today that I loved. He said that as we believe in God, we can find hope for a better future. He said hope cometh of faith, and gave a list of things that we can do to have hope:
-Increase your faith
-Pray often
-Read the scriptures
-Be obedient
-Magnify your calling
-Be humble
-Go to the temple
These things will increase our faith and will lead to having an increase in hope.

President Acerson said that the greater the distance you are from the light, the more difficult it will be to see God's plan for you. He said the rules are there to initiate us on our journey back to our Father in Heaven.

Sister Acerson talked in second hour about glorifying God, and I said that one way to glorify God was to be ourselves, and love who we are. God made us the way He did because He loves us, and by accepting who we are, we are telling Him that we love Him, and that we are going to do all we can to please Him, and glorify. Colvin said, going off of that, that by becoming our best self, we are glorifying God. Other things that were said were, Always give Him credit; service; keep the Sabbath Day holy; and being grateful.

President Radmall said that hope is critical to both faith and charity. He said our hope is in our Redeemer, and His hope is in us.
Faith, hope, and charity work together. You cannot have one without the other two.

President Moon talked about good works. We talked about the miracles of Jesus, and how they apply to us, and a lot of people made some amazing connections:
-We are His priority. Even when He is on His way to do something already, He will stop for us. (Mark 5:22-34)
-Simple things that are important to us are important to Him. (John 2:1-10)
One thing that I wanted to talk about but didn't get the chance to say was that I love the story of raising Lazarus from the dead because Jesus wept with Mary and Martha. He loved Lazarus, and lost a dear friend, and He felt their pain. Jesus knows how we feel, so He will be there for us.

President Acerson then asked us what things we had learned, and there were some great things said about what people learned:
-Have faith that if we stop in the middle of a test to help someone, we will still get our task done.
-It's good to let go of guilt.
-We are a priority to God, so we need to act like it.
-We're better than we we think we are because we're His. Cling to Him.
-God knows us a lot better than we do. He knows what we can do.
I learned that I love deeply, but forget to love myself. I am working on it. :)

I am so grateful for our stake leaders! I love them so much! They always know just what to say, and I know that they love us so much!

I am so thankful for the opportunity I have to serve as the ward choir director! It is helping me learn and grow in ways I didn't think I ever could. We are performing next week and I am nervous but excited for how our number is going to go. I think it will be wonderful! I am so excited for Thanksgiving and Christmas already! I am still working on picking songs for them but I have a few ideas. :)

God loves you. He knows you. As you serve Him, He will bless you.

Xoxo
Mattie

I am learning.

First things first: I had the opportunity to go to the BYU Spectacular with some friends last night and it was AMAZING!!! Kristin Chenoweth is fantastic, and Gentri and Vocal Point were awesome! So thankful that I had the opportunity to see it with them, and I'm glad they had fun!!

Second: I missed posting last week because it was General Conference and I had a lot of stuff going on. But! I have a lot of things that I learned in this past week, and am still learning, that I wanted to share:

I am learning that I can do hard things.

I am learning that I am more capable than I realize.

I am learning that I am not alone.

I am learning that I am strong.

I am learning that I can be happy, even when I'm going through tough things.

I am learning that God loves me so much, He's saving me from a lot of pain.

I am learning that I am loved.

I am learning that patience is a virtue.

I am learning that emotions are sometimes REALLY HARD to deal with!

I am learning that I have the roommates that I need in my life right now.

I am learning that I can't always fix things.

I am learning that stress doesn't fix anything.

I am learning that you can't always see the other side.

I am learning that you can't let the past define you.

I am learning that you can't let the past get ahead of you and keep you from your future.

I am learning that God's plan for me isn't the same as mine, and that our timelines probably aren't even close to being similar, but I'm also learning that that's okay.

I am learning that peace comes from the Book of Mormon, especially when I'm stressed.

I am learning that life is hard, but I am so tough, and I have God on my side.

Some of these things I've already previously learned, but had forgotten. Some of them are new.  Either way, they're all still worth knowing and learning. It's been a crazy week, and I've had a lot going on, and I've been through a lot. I've had a lot of talks with my roommates, and I've learned way too many things about myself in one week than is probably healthy haha but it has been helpful. My roommate gave me a few goals to work on in the next couple of weeks, and I think that they will help me in one aspect specifically, but I've learned that generally they all blend together, so it will probably help me in more than one.

I am grateful for my roommates. They show so much strength in times of hardship and sorrow. I'm so grateful that they are all kind, loving, and have such wonderful testimonies. I am learning lots from them every single day, and I am so grateful for that.

Xoxo
Mattie

Humility is having self-compassion.

I'm grateful for the rain! Yeah, it's cold, and wet, but it's peaceful and means it's time for sweater weather! Ready to read some thoughts I've been having lately? Sweet–let's go!

So grateful for the opportunity to listen to/watch the General Women's Session of Conference last night! It was a wonderfully uplifting session! SO excited for General Conference next weekend! I'm also grateful for the weekend that I've had, alone though I was. My roommates all went to a Relief Society overnight trip our ward was having. I wanted to go but couldn't get anyone to cover for me. Anyway, I did have fun, and I learned some things. For example, I learned there is a medicine that sufficiently helps me feel better when I've had a headache all week and its intensity worsened on Saturday (grateful my coworker had some!). I also learned a lot from the conference session last night. While I was listening to Sister Eubank's talk on the way home from work, I had an amazing and profound thought that has been growing for a few weeks now: "Being humble doesn't mean you can degrade yourself or believe you have a negative self worth." Something she said just sparked that thought, and I'm so grateful it did because it was something I've needed to hear for awhile. I'm also grateful for my Savior, who blessed me this week and weekend, and for the fact that, as I've followed my new therapist's advice to be more self-compassionate, and as I've been reading my scriptures and praying more consistently, my week has just been so much better! Despite the headaches, and the crazy week, overall it was just better than last week. I was less stressed, and less anxious, and less depressed. I'm grateful for that experience. It gives me hope for the future. :)

I went to Gospel Principles today, and today we talked about Jesus Christ. There were honestly just a lot of really great things that were said about Him, so I'm just going to list them:
-Jesus should be relatable. Someone we trust to talk to.
-God has never asked for anything but faith from us.
-Christ loves us for who we are right now. He'll turn our weaknesses to strengths. He takes what we already are and turns us into a better version of ourselves.
-You are ENOUGH.
-Heavenly Father loves you and wants you to be happy.

Relief Society was awesome! My roommates were teaching today :)
-One thing that Dahlia said that I really liked was that, "Only a perfect person can really see all our imperfections." She said something about how you know how much you've grown or learned when you look back, and see how little you knew way back when. And only Jesus Christ can really see all our imperfections. Sure, we know we're imperfect. But we don't know just how imperfect we are because we ourselves are not perfect.
-God wants us to be happy was repeated again, but also it's just such a true statement. God wants us to be happy, no matter who we are, or where we are in life.

I was bearing my testimony after the lesson, and I said, "Humility is having self-compassion." Humility is learning to love yourself as you are. Humility isn't, as I've said, 'degrad[ing] yourself or believ[ing] you have a negative self worth.' Humility is learning to love and accept yourself–flaws and all. It is something that I have been struggling with, but I have been working on it, and it has made me happier. Praying and reading my scriptures daily, or more daily, has also really helped. Together, working on these little things has made me happier, and brought more peace into my life. I challenge you to do the same. You don't have to work on them all at the same time, like I am, but I promise you that you will be blessed in your efforts.

Xoxo
Mattie

Turn to Him.

Why?
Why do we compare ourselves to others?
Why do we procrastinate important things in our lives?
Why do we struggle with change?
Why do we struggle with decisions?
Why do we care so much about what others think?
Or say?
Or do?
Why do we stress and worry about things we literally can't control?
Why do we worry about the future instead of focusing on the here and now?

I don't know if anyone else has ever experienced these feelings. I'm sure you probably have, to some degree. I've been thinking about it a lot this week. And I realized some of the answers a little bit. Because we're concerned with the world. Or we're concerned with the future (which, in and of itself, is not a bad thing, but sometimes we take it too far). Or we think we're not good enough, we're not as good as so and so. Or sometimes we just care about other people, and their opinions are important to us, and so we care about their opinions of us. As a society, we care a lot about appearances. We care a lot about making the right decisions for our future now. Or we have a lot of things due (or to do) on the same day and we can't figure out which ones to focus on and we struggle with focusing on them and getting them done. And that can be stressful. Life is stressful. Friendships, relationships, dating, school–it's all stressful. But I was thinking about something in sacrament meeting today that kind of helped me relax and calm down a little.

It's been a crazy busy week, but somehow I made it through. Grateful for my Savior, who has blessed me, I know. Grateful for the chances I've had to study my scriptures almost every day this week. Grateful for all of the homework I've been able to finish. I was really stressed this week and wanted to just not do anything because I had so much to do but I needed to do my homework. I also didn't think I had time to study my scriptures because I've had papers to write, and assignments to read. But I paused, and took the time to study, and ponder, and pray, and I am so glad I did. That is the reason I was able to get through this week. Because I took the time to speak to, and listen for my Heavenly Father. And because I did that, He blessed me. I've struggled trying to focus this week because I've had so many papers to work on, but the last couple of days I've been able to focus more, and get a little bit more done. It's hard to focus on one paper when you have multiple papers all due on the same day, but, a President Monson has said, and that I have found to be true this week, "Life is hard by the yard. By the inch, it's a cinch!" I know that as we slow down, and take things one project or paper at a time, we will be able to focus, and progress, and get things done in a timely manner. I also know that as we take time to study our scriptures, we will find time to do all the things we have to do.

Taking time for the spiritual things might seem like a waste of time sometimes, but once you do, you will realize that you will have the ability, focus, and time to do all of the things you want to and need to do. You will be blessed with strength and will be able to concentrate on your tasks at hand.

Sister Maughan said some awesome things in her talk in sacrament meeting today! I just wanted to share a couple of things that we can do to come to Christ:
-We need to be all in.
-We need to stand up on the inside.
-Pray daily. Develop a relationship with your Father in Heaven and His Son.
-Learn to love the scriptures and study them.
-Heavenly Father is watching over us. Sometimes we need to experience things for ourselves. We are more capable than we know.

Bishop had some amazing things to say, too! He talked about prayers and answers, and also about trials and how to deal with them. He said that we increase our faith by fasting for a purpose and having meaningful prayers. He also said that faith is an important ingredient in prayer. Sometimes we just need to move forward in life though. Every individual is responsible for their own happiness, he said. Cultivate a spirit of happiness, and don't belittle or blame yourself. Believe in yourself, and your capacity to do things. Sometimes we just don't receive answers to prayers, but we need to keep moving forward.

Megan said something great in her lesson today. She said something to the effect of, "God is always there for us. Just because we can't see him sometimes doesn't mean He's not there. It's up to us to find Him in our lives. Every time we take the time to look for Him, we'll find Him."

I've been trying to take some time for me lately. I have kind of been feeling...not lost, exactly...but like I'm wandering, floating in the vast space of 'being' (which, I mean, I guess is true, since we're all floating in space, but that's not the way that I meant it). I feel like I'm struggling to fit in. And I mean, I have friends, and it's great fun, but I just feel a little bit out of place, and like I'm just not socializing enough. Anyway, I've decided that I need to find myself (Again. I keep forgetting, and losing myself, apparently. Or I just need to be a different me every school year. Either that, or I just have not really found myself). And I need to focus. I have been struggling with focusing lately. I don't know why that is, but I do know that it has been better when I've been studying my scriptures, and praying, and getting sleep. When all of my papers were just kind of dropped on me like a bomb, it was bad. I was worrying, and worrying, and I was jumping from paper to paper because I couldn't focus on any of them, and I couldn't figure out what I wanted to talk about, or how I wanted to talk about it (for being someone who loves writing and talking, sometimes I sure don't know what to say). But about midway through the week, something happened, and I just felt a whole lot better. I don't know what it was, but after Wednesday/Thursday morning, I've been able to focus just a little better. I'm grateful for the peace that I've had this weekend. It's been a little stressful, too, but mostly I've been feeling a lot better about my papers, and my schoolwork. Life is so hard, and can be so difficult and stressful, but I know that when we turn to God, and read His words, and listen to His Spirit, we're blessed.

Xoxo
Mattie

Life is messy.

Today was our multi-stake conference, and I'm really grateful for the things that I heard today. I definitely needed to hear a lot of the messages today! I'm going to share a few of my favorites. :)

Even though we missed the beginning of Elder Cook's talk, I loved what he said about the Book of Mormon. He said, "There is power in the Book of Mormon." I fully believe it. I am reading the Book of Mormon for my religion class, and it's been a source of peace and comfort, and has given me strength as I've read it.

Sister Franco talked about being of good cheer.
1. Understand that we have a Father in Heaven and a Savior who loves us.
2. Understand that we have a Heavenly Father who gave us commandments to help us be happy.
3. Understand the importance of gratitude in our lives.
4. Understand that service brings joy to our lives.

Elder Uceda said that, "Mighty prayers overcome apathy." He said that mighty prayers are prayers from the heart. My favorite thing he said was, "As we search the scriptures, understanding comes to our mind, and doubts go away."

Elder Stevenson talked about humility, obedience, and virtue.
Humility:
Humility is willingness to submit to the Lord. The opposite of humility is pride, which gives honor to ourselves, it's competitive, and causes us to hold grudges or withhold forgiveness. He said that meekness, humility, and forgiveness are all cousins. I thought that was a great way of showing how closely related they are.

Obedience:
Obedience is the first law of heaven, and an act of faith. It's a safety and protection for us. It brings blessings, and those blessings bring happiness.

Virtue:
Virtue originates in our innermost thoughts. It is a prerequisite to receiving the Spirit's guidance. He said that reduced screen time and increased scripture study may increase virtue. I thought that was really interesting! But also true, I'm sure. I know I'm more focused and attentive when I'm spending a lot more time out doing things (though that's hard to do during the school year, especially when all of your math homework is online).

Diligent efforts can lead to Christlike attributes becoming or being second nature. Our journey to achieve Christlike attributes requires discipline.

He also shared this quote from Howard W. Hunter: "Mend a quarrel. Seek out a forgotten friend. Dismiss suspicion and replace it with trust. Write a letter. Give a soft answer. Encourage youth. Manifest your loyalty in word and deed. Keep a promise. Forgo a grudge. Forgive an enemy. Apologize. Try to understand. Examine your demands on others. Think first of someone else. Be kind. Be gentle. Laugh a little more. Express your gratitude. Welcome a stranger. Gladden the heart of a child. Take pleasure in the beauty and wonder of the earth. Speak your love and then speak it again." 

I loved this quote so much! I think sometimes we often forget the beauty and grace that is around us. We forget how awesome it is to lift someone's spirits. We forget how beautiful the earth around us is. We forget who loves us. We forget how blessed we truly are, and we forget that those blessings will always come.

This week was the first week of school for me, and I honestly struggled a bit. The first day was fine, but after the second day, when I was looking to the homework I needed to do, I got overwhelmed at all of the homework I was going to have over the whole semester for all of my classes and I kind of had a panic attack. Friday was a little bit better, but Saturday was a giant mess, because I worked from 8-4 and then the football game was Saturday night and it was a struggle getting into the game. But my friends and I made it, and it was fun watching the game with them.

I realized some things about myself this week, and this weekend, and I really need to work on a couple of things. I'm kind of nervous, just because I hate adding to my pile of things to do, but I'm hoping that I can just work them into my life and not specifically have to worry about them or deal with it. It'll just kind of...be a part of my life, and exist. Except life is messy, so that might not happen.  But! I have God on my side, and He knows where I am going, and what I need to do to get there. So, even though things might not happen the way I plan or want them to, things will happen, and I will grow, and change, and become who I need to be.

I hope you have had a great Sunday and weekend! I hope you've learned some things, and made some goals to improve. There's always room for improvement. I am grateful for my Savior, who is always willing to help me improve and progress. I'm grateful for friends, and family, who are always willing to listen, and always willing to help. I'm grateful for new experiences, difficult times, and trials that help me stretch and grow, and get out of my comfort zone. I've never really said this before, but I'm grateful for emotions, and feelings, and the fact that I get to feel so deeply. Sometimes it's hard, and painful, and messy, and I just want to not feel so intensely, but the painful times are worth all the happy and joyous ones that I experience so often. God is good, and I am blessed.

Xoxo
Mattie

He has been listening.

It's been an exciting week! I got a haircut, had my last day of work at catering (and got a small cake), and found my class ring! I was thinking today during the sacrament about what a blessing it was finding my ring, and what such a simple experience taught me:

You know that feeling you get when you lose something of value and importance to you? I misplaced my class ring earlier this month (I say earlier this month, but I mean early last month, in August) and have been looking and praying fervently for the past few weeks that I would find it. I thought I'd lost it in the Wilk (or, even worse, that I'd accidentally thrown it away). I was terrified and sad. Anyway, I went to the eye doctor on Thursday and took my glasses, and when I got home from work later that evening, set them on my bedside table (which is their normal spot). When I went to open it while I was getting ready for bed, there was my ring!! Not sure how it got there, or when, or what even happened because I have been using my glasses a lot lately this past month, and I am almost positive that it wasn't there before, but I'm just so grateful!! What a testimony builder! I been praying for other things lately, and I now know with a surety that God has been listening. In addition to that, this past summer I've kind of been struggling to feel the Spirit, and feel His presence. I just have felt alone and a little bit lost. I haven't felt like He has been listening to me, or answering. But now I know He has been listening. I know that He is guiding you, He is blessing you, He is watching you, and He is listening to you. You might not always feel Him, but I promise you that He is there. 

In Gospel Principles today, we talked about God and the Godhead. We focused on how God is our FATHER. Of all the roles and titles He has, and could have chosen to focus on, He asked us to call Him Father. And oh, how loving a father He is! He presides and provides for us. He is invested in our future. Not only that, but He is invested in US. Whether or not we believe in Him–whether or not we are a member of His church–He cares about us and wants what is best for us. He helps us recognize who we are. For the last couple of weeks in church, at some point, someone has brought up the parable of the refiner's fire, and becoming pure silver. Well, the silver was always silver, just impure. Just like we've always been a child of God, just imperfect. Through our trials, Heavenly Father helps us see who we always have been. We need to be open and honest with Him. And He will be open and honest (as much as He can) with us.

Relief Society was amazing today! So sad to see the Durfeys go, but I'm so grateful for all of the wonderful lessons that they've taught me! Sister Durfey talked about how we're all the same, and we're not alone. Yeah, we all go through different experiences, but we're not alone. We have friends who are going through similar experiences, or have gone through similar experiences. And we have a Heavenly Father who loves us, and knows us. He uses us to help others be able to feel His love for them. Sister Durfey also said today during the lesson something that I absolutely LOVED: "I wasn't given trials, I was given a blessing that came with trials." I loved that!! I can't even think of anything to follow it with. :)

Xoxo
Mattie

Friends are blessings.

Well, I don't know about you guys, but I have had such a fantastic weekend!! Which is perfect, since the past couple weeks have been kind of hard for me. On Friday night, I went bowling on a date, and it was super fun!! Saturday afternoon I babysat my friend's baby and it was so fun even though she didn't really do anything and I just held her the whole time (my arms, by the way, are dead/dying from the combination of bowling/baby-holding, but it was totally worth it because bowling was fun and she's super cute and I just love babies). 

Aaaaanyway. Church today was also pretty phenomenal. My thoughts during the sacrament today were mostly just grateful ones. I am just so thankful that my Heavenly Father blesses me with the greatest friends.

I am so grateful for amazing friends! There's nothing like them. They love me, care for me, think of me, and help carry me through hard and tough times. I am so blessed! They tell me things I need to hear, and it always comes from who I needed to hear it from. I'm so thankful that God knows me, and knows what I need. I'm grateful, too, for opportunities that I have to get together with friends that I don't get to see all that often. I'm thankful for a new week, and the chance to start over again. It's the last week before school starts for me, and I'm ready! Nervous, yes, but ready. 

Sacrament meeting was awesome! Jared said something today that I loved. He said something like, "God loves us, and understands, and knows that we can make it through." I think we remember this but forget it. By that, I mean that we subconsciously remember and know that He loves us and understands, and knows that we can make it through, but sometimes we consciously forget it until it's brought to our remembrance.
Our high councilman spoke to us today, too, and he said something that I loved and kind of needed to hear today. He said, "Life is not suspended when you're single." He said that all the things we're supposed to be doing now–reading our scriptures, praying, serving, etc.–are all things that we're supposed to be doing, regardless of your relationship or marriage status. I totally agreed with him and decided that I'm going to try and live that way. [As I was thinking about that sentence (Life is not suspended when you're single), I thought, "Life goes on," which reminded me of one of the songs we're practicing in choir, "How Can I Keep From Singing?" It's a really pretty song and I'm super excited!]


Gospel Doctrine was pretty amazing today, and Lauren shared this quote from Joseph Smith Jr. that I loved and wanted to share:  "Great blessings await us at this time, and will soon be poured out upon us, if we are faithful in all things, for we are even entitled to greater spiritual blessings than they [the faithful at the time of Christ] were, because they had Christ in person with them, to instruct them in the great plan of salvation. His personal presence we have not, therefore we have need of greater faith." I just really liked this quote. We have so many blessings that await us! As long as we are faithful, we'll be able to receive them in due time. God will bless us for our efforts, and He will guide us and be there as we go through hard times.

Relief Society was wonderful! Props to my roommate Kiera for her awesome lesson. :) 
The topic for today was, "Each of us can do hard things as we involve the Savior in our lives." We started off with a question:
Why do we go through trials? 
Some answers that we gave were:
-We appreciate things more if we have worked for them. So, by working hard to be who we are meant to be, we will appreciate who we become more than if we just were handed that portion of ourself.
-They encourage us to draw closer to our Savior. I know that, personally, when things get super hard, I tend to turn to my Savior more often.
-Trials help us see who we've always been. Trials put us through the refiner's fire, and it's just polishing us up, burning out the imperfections. We've always been a child of God.
-To help us empathize. I know that sometimes it's hard for other people to empathize with others, but if we've gone through similar experiences, it tends to bring us closer together.

And then added a second:
Why don't we involve the Savior in our trials?
-It's hard to ask for help. Sometimes, asking for help makes me feel ashamed. It makes me feel like I'm not strong enough, or that I'll be seen as a weak person for asking for help.
-We think we don't deserve it. Sometimes I feel dumb for asking for help for things that I'm going through because I know that sometimes they were brought upon myself, and sometimes I don't think I'm worth it.
-My struggles aren't as bad as someone else's. This one is a big one for me. I sometimes don't ask for help because I know that there are other people who have challenges that are worse than mine, and I don't feel like I should ask for help; I should be able to deal with it on my own because it's not that bad.

"If it's important to you, it's important to me." If we struggle with it, and it's important to us, it's important to Him, no matter how small or insignificant it seems. We are all different people, and we all struggle with different things–sometimes we struggle with the same or similar things but in different ways, and that's okay, too.

We need to allow the Savior to help us. Sometimes it's hard, but it's also worth it. It's worth having His help. It's worth not going through it alone. Having someone who knows EXACTLY how I feel, and who knows how I've been struggling with certain parts of the situation, is SO HELPFUL. It makes me feel like I'm not alone–which I'm not–and it makes me feel like I'm valued, and important–which I am. This past month (August) has been really hard for me. I had my first breakup, and it was really hard, and I didn't really understand, and I just wasn't sure it was ever going to get better. But as I've talked with my friends, and turned to my Savior, I've been able to work through it. They've been so helpful and supportive. And yeah, my roommates and friends were right. It is getting better. Somedays it's still hard, but this weekend has been awesome. I think that baby-holding is therapeutic–for me, at least. :)

Heavenly Father blesses me every day. I am so thankful for Him. Nothing makes me feel better than to know and realize that my Heavenly Father loves me so much, He sends me awesome friends, and He sends me amazing messages of love through those friends. What a blessing my friends are. And what a blessing my Savior is to me. I am so thankful to call Him my friend. 

Xoxo
Mattie

Just what I needed.

I've been doing a lot of thinking the past couple of days, and today during the sacrament this was something that I really thought I should share:

Sometimes letting go is hard. But I know that sometimes it is better than holding on. It's like that analogy of holding on or clinging to the rope. It is more painful than letting go. And I know the struggle–I know it is SO HARD to let go. But sometimes holding on is just too painful, and you have to let go, otherwise you're going to be miserable and unhappy forever. And eventually, you will find something better to replace what you've lost. I ask God every day to help me let go of things that are hurting me, and to guide me to something better. I have faith that He will, and that He is. 

I saw this picture on Facebook last night that I loved:

And I shared it with this thought (that, to be honest, was sort of the inspiration for my thoughts today during the sacrament): "Sometimes it's hard to have charity. Being patient is hard. Being kind can be hard. What's also hard is realizing that you can have charity towards those who have done you wrong, but that doesn't mean that you condone their actions or that you let them keep hurting you. Sometimes forgiving them and letting them go is the hardest part, but it will be better for you in the long run." 

The choir sang in sacrament today! It went pretty well, considering we were sorely lacking in women's voices. Hopefully as people move in, we will get a few more ladies.

The topic for sacrament meeting today was the power of prayer. There were a couple of things that were said that either I loved, or brought a cool new insight to prayer that I thought I'd share:
-Real intent means that you have to be willing to work for what you asked God for. 
-Power in our life comes from the relationship we have with God.
-We can overcome (anything) with the power of prayer.
-You can't have a personal relationship with Heavenly Father without prayer.

Sunday School was awesome today and just what I needed! Which will be odd once you know what the topic of the lesson was on: marriage. I know, I know–what a weird lesson for a single Mattie to have needed. But Clarissa used a lot of quotes from President Hinckley, and focused on the fact that we are just as needed, and important to our Heavenly Father. Being single is just a word. We're still people. We're not less because we're single. Everyone–everyone–is different. But! We're all striving to become someone. And we are all needed. There are so many people who need us. Don't think for a moment that you aren't needed, because that is not true at all. Your point of view is needed in this world.

Relief Society was also fabulous and just what I needed! We talked about learning and education! Which I have honestly been struggling with a little bit, but just hearing that we as women are told specifically that we, too, should get an education, was great. Someone also said today that, "We have more capacity [to learn] than we realize." I loved that. Sometimes we all falter and struggle because we think that we can only learn so much, or go so far, but that's not true! We can do SO MUCH more than we could possibly imagine!

I'm grateful for the lessons today. They were just what I needed to hear! I'm grateful to my Father in Heaven who hears my prayers and answers them. I'm grateful for friends who listen to the Spirit and prepare what God needs them to.

Xoxo
Mattie

Sweet is the peace.

First things first, I'm now officially the ward choir director! I'm nervous but excited! It should be really fun. :) I love music and am excited to challenge myself in directing our choir to sing and really feel the message of the songs we will be performing, and share their testimonies and the Spirit with our ward. I've never legitimately led anyone in anything, so this will be a fun experience.

It's been a tough week for me, starting with the fact that I picked up two shifts last week and this week, and so I worked a lot more than normal (and I will work more the week after, as well) so I'm really tired; and I've got some personal things going on in my life that threw me off emotionally and made me question several things. But! My friends and family are the greatest and have been super supportive, patient, and loving, which has been such a blessing. I thank God every day for them, and I'm so lucky to have them in my life. ❤️❤️

Life is weird. One minute, life's going great–you're coasting in coolness–and the next thing you know, SPLAT!! You've hit a wall, and are no longer coasting in coolness. In fact, you're no longer coasting at all–you're just existing, meandering aimlessly, trying to find yourself again, or trying to find a meaning to all that is going on in your life. And you're just sort of stuck.

I've been there–several times–and I know how hard it is, and how it feels, and it's not always the greatest feeling. Sometimes, I've just felt kind of "Blah" about it, but sometimes it's made me feel really sad, or stressed, and I haven't really known how to fix it, or what to do about it. Sometimes I've just avoided doing anything about it for awhile, and just tried to move on with my life. Sometimes that doesn't work. I try to listen to music, specifically to help calm me, and bring the Spirit, and that always helps. What helps the most, though, is prayer–turning to my Heavenly Father. Sometimes the answer or help doesn't come right away, but what does come always is peace. Peace that things will work out, peace that I will be fine, and peace that I am doing what I am supposed to be doing, and peace that I am where I am supposed to be. And oh how sweet is the peace!

I'm grateful for the peace that the Lord gives me in times of hardship, heartache, and sorrow, but also for the peace that He gives me when I'm doing the right things, and when I'm blessing other people's lives. There is no greater joy to me than sharing the love of my Heavenly Father and Savior with those around me, in whatever way, whether that be service, music, or just spending time with them and listening. I hope and pray every day that I am able to help someone feel the love of their Savior when they need it.

School is starting for many soon, and I just want to wish you all luck!! I know that everything will be all right, and that you will be blessed as you turn to your Father in Heaven for help and guidance.

Xoxo
Mattie

Tune my heart to sing thy grace.

It's been a pretty great weekend! Loved the messages in church, and I got to visit with my family yesterday, so that was fun! I was able to think about how grateful I am for my family today during the sacrament.

I am so grateful for my family. I went home Friday night so I could do some things in my room on Saturday and it was so great to spend time with my family! I'm grateful that we get to be together forever! I'm grateful that Jesus Christ died and was resurrected so that we can be resurrected someday, and live forever with our families. I am blessed to have an amazing family, and I love them and am so grateful for them. They make life better.

In Sunday School, we talked about building the kingdom of God. We talked about how the Saints were told to build a temple in Jackson, Missouri, but were unable to finish it because they were driven out. And we read in Doctrine and Covenants 124:49-53 that the Lord basically said because they were commanded, and tried to fulfill, even though they failed because of outside circumstances, the Lord accepts their offer (of what they completed before they were hindered). Which is so cool! Think about it–if God asks you to do something, and you try your best, but fail, God accepts what you've done! That is so amazing! The Lord is more worried about your effort and the direction you are heading, not about what you've completed. He's also more focused on the journey that you are taking, and the path that you are on. He judges us on our hearts, and our intentions. And He helps us become who He not only knows we can become, but needs us to be.

In Relief Society, we talked about covenants, and Margaret said something about what she thinks covenants are that I loved. She said, "Covenants are the path from where I am to where I want to be." I thought that was great. I think covenants are a promise of a better me; a guide to a path where I can be better, and become like God. Jane shared a quote from President Nelson that I loved: "We need women who are devoted to shepherding God's children along the covenant path toward exaltation; women who know how to receive personal revelation, who understand the power and peace of the temple endowment; women who know how to call upon the powers of heaven to protect and strengthen children and families; women who teach fearlessly." I loved this quote! We have so much potential, and the capacity to not only be great, but have a great influence on the world.

In choir today, we practiced for our number in the fireside tonight. We're singing 'Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing', and I am conducting it. We took a little time today to talk about what this song means to us, and we talked about how much the Atonement means to us, and how much Jesus Christ does for us. The line, "Bind my wandr'ing heart to thee" was talked about; even when we stray, Jesus Christ is right there for us when we return. He's our Savior, and He loves us. And He will always be there for us. I'm so grateful for Him, and so grateful for all of the help that He has given to me in my life, and for all that He does for me. He has helped me grow, and change for the better. I feel like I am closer to Him than I have ever been, and I am more in tune and at peace with how my life is going right now. I am grateful to live in and go to school in a place where I can speak of Him and no one bats an eye because they all love and believe in Him, too.

Xoxo
Mattie

I wouldn't have it any other way.

I loved church today!! There were lots of great messages today but I am going to focus on two sets of thoughts I had today. The first during the sacrament, and the second during Sunday School.

"Thy will, O Lord, be done." That was the last line of the sacrament hymn. I know we want things to happen in our own way and time. I know–there are so many things I want right now. But I'm learning to let go, and be patient, and take things one step at a time (like in this song). Things will happen when they're meant to happen. And actually, this topic reminds me of something I said on Facebook a year ago: "Dreams are crushed. Hopes are dashed. Life is shattered. But only when you put them on your 'this is going to happen this way' pedestal and wish for it to be that specific way only. When you give a little room for them to grow and develop, dreams are built. Hopes are known. Life is changed."  Life is honestly no fun if you're always stressed and worried about things you can't control. And I know it's hard to not, but I've learned that by taking things one day at a time, and focusing on the present, it's easier to not be stressed and worried. It's not like the stress and worries goes away–and I'm sure there will always be parts of me that are stressed and worried–but for now, I'm trying to tame them. It's been hard, but I've been able to depend on my Savior, who strengthens me, and my Heavenly Father, and They've sent me people to help my life not be so stressful, and to help make life more fun and enjoyable. Life certainly isn't perfect, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

In Sunday School we talked about trials, and where God is when we're struggling, and it reminded me of this quote that Chris shared in his talk during the sacrament. It's by C.S. Lewis, and I'm sure you've heard it before: "Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny." Someone in class said, 'trials make you bitter or better.' You get to decide. Clarissa asked what our hardest trial was, and what we learned or gained from it. I said that, in my hardest and greatest trial, I not only found God, but I found love. One of the reasons that the trial started was because I didn't feel like I was loved. I just didn't feel like I was loved or important. Through this trial, however, I came to realize who I was. Who I am. How valued and important I am. And I not only found the love of God and my Savior for me, but also the love of friends and family. Which are all important, but most importantly I found love for myself, and even though I still struggle sometimes, I am learning to love myself, and love who I am. It's not perfect, and some days I forget, but I am trying. And I do love myself. I love who I am. I love my quirks. I know people don't understand or follow me most of the time, but I'm learning to not focus on that, and to just be me. Because even if they don't understand, they still accept me, and they still love me. Which is the most important thing–having friends who accept me and love me for who I am.

I am blessed. I'm blessed to have been through all sorts of things that have helped me see what is important to me, and that have helped me see who I am. I'm grateful to have struggled, and learned how to be patient, and how to grow. I'm grateful to have been able to grow closer to my Savior. I'm grateful to have been able to learn from my mistakes. Sometimes I wonder if there was any other way I could have gained these lessons, because it has been the hardest trial of my life, and I am not sure if I will ever fully be free from it, but I do know that there were a couple things that I wouldn't have learned without it, and there are things I wouldn't be able to understand or stand for without it. So I wouldn't have it any other way, and I am grateful. For what I've learned, and for who I've become. I'm stronger, and I've grown closer to my Savior than I ever have been. I've learned to love people more–for and despite their faults and flaws, because I've been in such deep trenches that I couldn't see the light of day, and all I wanted most days was someone to love me, and show that they cared. And so I want to be that person for others. I don't want anyone to feel like I did. Like they weren't loved. Weren't important. Weren't valued. Weren't wanted. Because they're not. They ARE loved. Important. Valued. Wanted. Just like me.

Xoxo
Mattie