Forge ahead in faith.

Happy Independence Day!

It has been quite a few weeks (almost two months! 😬🙈) since I last posted on the blog. It has been a very busy summer!

Our trip to Florida was AMAZING!! Super fun and the perfect first anniversary trip! We had an amazing time and it was so good to see Ricky's parents for a bit!

After we got back from our trip, I was able to begin working full-time at my job, which has been a blessing in many ways! We were able to buy a new car recently that was within our budget and had a few of our must-have features. Ricky's job downsized their HQ department, so he started a job search and found a new job relatively quickly that is closer to where we live and pays a little more. We are looking at several different housing options for this next year (come August) and have come across a few prospects of which we hope at least one will work out!

We have been very, very blessed this summer, and I am so grateful!

I have had many opportunities to work on some of my crafting/projects, which has been good for me creatively. I have had plenty of time to read, which has been sooo nice! I love getting into a new universe through books! And this last week especially I have taken time to do some indexing work, which has been really cool! I came upon someone with my same name spelling yesterday, which was totally awesome! 

I have been working on making time for my scripture study and personal prayers, and I am so grateful for the messages and answers that are found in the scriptures. I am grateful for the peace that my personal study time brings, and I am grateful for the blessings of the temple. We had the opportunity to go walk around the temple grounds a few weeks ago, and I can't wait for us to be able to go inside again! We just need to figure out the best day and time for us to go together (and I need to find my recommend...😬🙈).

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I had a lot of time during church today to ponder, and I wanted to share some of my thoughts.

These things I know:

• God loves me.
• Jesus Christ died for me.
• The temple brings me peace.
• Reading the scriptures brings the Spirit into my life, and gives me clarity.
• The prophet speaks to us from God.
• The Atonement is real, and is for more than just what we have done wrong. It is for our pains and sorrows–both physical and spiritual. 
• The gospel of Jesus Christ is true. His teachings and ministry on Earth during His life are an outline, guideline, for how we should live our lives. 

There are things I do not know, especially pertaining to the life after this one. But this I do know: God loves us! And He has asked us to:

1) Love God; and

2) Love our neighbor like ourselves. 

I firmly believe that the answer to life's problems is love. As Elsa says in Frozen, "'Love will thaw'. Love! Of course." If people were more willing to love everyone, no matter their background, race, religion, etc.,  I believe that life would be better for everyone. We would feel more compassion towards each other, and 

I saw a quote today from then-Elder Russell M. Nelson that I loved. He said, "All that the Fall allowed to go awry, the Atonement allowed to go aright." 

During Sunday School, we were chatting about some things that the Lord asks us to do, and Kim said they don't always turn out the way we thought they would, but sometimes it's more about seeing if we were willing to do what God asked us. "Are you willing to put (fill in the blank) aside and serve and follow the Lord as He asks you?" Are we willing to make the sacrifices that He asks us to? Are we willing to forge ahead in faith when we do not know the outcome?

I was thinking today about how hard it is sometimes to make changes, and how hard some trials can be. I decided that I need to take things one day at a time...one moment at a time...one choice at a time. And even though some trials of life are more difficult, and longer-lasting, than others, God will be with me no matter the trial. So as long as I keep following His will for me, and doing what He asks of me, I know that He will make a way. 

I know that God loves you very much. I do too! I hope you have a great week!

Xoxo

Mattie

Becoming okay with being me.

The best part of this week was when my kiddos at work hugged me goodbye as I was walking out the door on Thursday. 🥰🥰🥰 They'd never done that before and it made me feel really special, and like I've been making progress with getting them to feel comfortable with me. 💜

The next best part of this week was when I was talking with a friend and had the realization of how precious time is, and how much of a gift it is. 💜

The next best part of this week was when I had the opportunity to go to the temple and one of the temple workers said I looked like a little porcelain doll and thanked me for my service that day. She was such a sweet woman who made me feel like I was loved and seen, and I know she was a blessing from my Heavenly Father. 💜

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Life isn't easy. Sometimes life is very hard. I'm trying to figure out how to move forward even when I feel very stuck. It's a lot more difficult than I thought it would be, and every day presents new challenges. But as I keep my covenants, and turn to the Lord, I know that in time, things will work out.

In time, things will make sense. In time, I won't feel so stuck. "In time" has been one of my least favorite sayings recently, but I have recently realized that it can be a blessing. Now, I say this, and know it, but during the week, when things pop up, it becomes harder for me to remember. This happens a lot, actually, with lots of different things, and I can't figure out why, nor how I can help myself fix it. I've tried everything that I can think of, and still nothing has worked yet.

I think that what I have planned for my personal scripture study this week will help, but if not...I will keep going. I'll try again. Because something is bound to work. God doesn't want me to be sad, or feel stuck, and neither do I. So I will just try again.

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You know, I spent some time at one of my old YSA wards today, and as I was sitting outside, looking at the pool, I had a flashback to a little more than two years ago, when I was really struggling to find my purpose and feel needed. There were more times than I can count where I wondered what it would be like if I just sank to the bottom of the pool. It scared me to have those thoughts, but it just didn't seem like I was making a difference, that I was important, or that I was needed.

{Now, I recognize that those feelings weren't normal, and that I was experiencing depression. But at the time, it didn't occur to me that those feelings weren't normal. I thought I was just sad, and it was a weird sad. Technically, I was right, in a way. Depression is a weird sad.}

As I stared at the pool, I realized that I've come a long way. I'm no longer the scared 20-year-old sophomore/junior at BYU who felt like she didn't fit into the world. Now I'm the scared 22-year-old college graduate who feels like she still doesn't fit into the world. 😉

In all seriousness, I am still scared, and sometimes I feel like I don't fit into the world, but I'm becoming okay with that. I've realized that I don't need to fit into the world. I need to stand out from the world. And I think I do a pretty decent job at that most of the time. So I just need to remind myself that sometimes I don't fit in, and that's okay. There are some things that I don't understand about myself. And I don't know if I'll come to understand them in the near future. But in the meantime, I'm trying to. And that's all I can do.

I thank God every day that I'm finally at a place where I feel more comfortable to be myself. I don't always feel comfortable to completely be myself, but most of the time, I feel comfortable to be most of myself. And for that, I'm grateful. Because there was a time where I hated myself, and I couldn't be myself because I thought that I was annoying, and obnoxious, and too much. Sometimes I still feel like that, I'm not going to lie, but I've realized that I don't need to let other people's opinions of me define who I am. I am perfectly fine the way I am, and God loves me for who I am. 🥰💜

I hope that this week is a good one for you! Find something new each day to be intrigued by, and find someone new to bless. I know that God lives, and that He loves you. I know that He has a wonderful plan for you! I know you will do amazing things. 

Xoxo
Mattie

We are made up of a million tiny little things.

This week I have been in one of the most famous cities in the world: New York City!!! It has been a DREAM of mine for a long time and I can't believe I've finally been able to make it here!!! It has been an absolute BLAST and I have learned a lot about myself and life.

I've learned that I am extremely polite, I take my time to look at art and nature, I'm very independent, I need a map/guide, I often state the most obvious things, and when things go wrong I tend to look on the bright side.

I've learned that people in New York do NOT know how to drive!!!! At all!!!! I will never complain about Utah drivers again.

I've learned that it's a lot harder to hear God in the city that never sleeps...but when I can, it's still as beautiful as ever.

I've learned that you can never get tired of beautiful places, experiences, and things.

I've learned that sometimes stepping out of your comfort city/state is not only wanted, but NEEDED to give you a nice little break from your life.

I've learned that sometimes, in order to appreciate your life and get a better point of view, you need to take a step back.

I've learned that God is always with you. He cares about you. He wants you to be happy. He wants you to be HAPPY. And happiness is a choice. Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light, as Professor Dumbledore said.

Sometimes our circumstances aren't what we wanted or imagined. And sometimes it's depressing. And that's okay. But if you focus on what you don't have, you lose sight of what you DO have. And I've learned that that doesn't make me the happiest of people.

It's hard to focus on what I do have, especially when I am not entirely sure what I do have. Not that I don't have lots of amazing parts to my life, but sometimes it seems like there aren't that many things to my life. I have a great job, great coworkers, great family, great friends.

But there is more to life, right? That's why I came to New York—because I wanted to see the world, and wanted to experience the world. I wanted to see what else the world has to offer. Because maybe–just maybe–if I can see what else the world has to offer, maybe I can see what else I have to offer.

Bishop Christopher W. Waddell said in the April 2019 General Conference, "As we seek the guidance of the Spirit and trust the Lord, we will be placed in situations and circumstances where we can act and bless—in other words, minister. There may be other times when we recognize a need but feel inadequate to respond, assuming that what we have to offer is insufficient. To do just as He did, however, is to minister by giving what we are capable of giving and to trust that the Lord will magnify our efforts to bless our “fellow travelers on this mortal journey.” For some, it may be giving the gift of time and talents; for others, it may be a kind word or a strong back. Although we may feel that our efforts are inadequate, President Dallin H. Oaks shared an important principle regarding “small and simple.” He taught that small and simple acts are powerful because they invite “the companionship of the Holy Ghost,” a companion who blesses both the giver and the receiver.

Small and simple things. It is the little things that make all the difference. We're all made up of a million tiny little things. We're all given the opportunity to make a difference with a million tiny little choices. What we CAN and DO give is enough—no matter how big or how small. As long as you are giving your all, you are making a difference.

Xoxo
Mattie

He will find a way to reach you.

What a week it's been!! I had the opportunity to be a troop friend this week!! So that was super exciting! Our troop was really fun and the boys were such a riot!! It was such a good experience!! For the first time in awhile I felt like I had a purpose. And at the end of the week, one of their leaders talked to Cora and I, thanking us for what we did for the boys. It was awesome! I'm so grateful for the opportunity.

This weekend was fun too because I got to go out of town with some friends to see The Incredibles 2! We went to Logan and it was so nice to be out of camp for several hours! It was nice to not be needed or asked, "Hey, Mattie, can I do [this thing in the kitchen]?" It was great. :)

The last couple weeks I've been focusing on trying to find myself, and trying to find my purpose. I've been thinking a lot about the upcoming school year, and my plans after graduation. It's been kind of stressful, I'm not gonna lie. But! I've realized something this week. I realized that whatever happens, happens. I realized that I'm just going to have to make decisions, and go with them. God will direct me when the decisions I've made aren't going to lead me where He wants me to go. 

I've also been feeling a little lonely the last couple of weeks. I don't know why, but I have. And I've realized that God knows me, and is watching out for me. I mean, I got to be a troop friend this week!! And I got to go to the Honor Trail with them this week, and that was a very special experience. I've been able to fill my time, and I've been able to feel at peace with being by myself (most of the time). I know that God loves me and is watching out for me. Each day, something happens that reminds me that He knows me, loves me, blesses me, and teaches me. 

I had the opportunity to see the sunrise from a canoe this week. It was absolutely BEAUTIFUL. I took a lot of pictures and I got some really amazing ones. But the thing that was the best about the experience was that sunrises are exactly like how Heavenly Father speaks to and teaches us. It can be very, very gradual, and you don't notice it all the time, until suddenly, you hear Him. Or feel Him. Or see His lesson. Or recognize His promises. Sometimes you won't always feel it, or recognize it. But He will find a way to reach you. He knows what touches you, and lifts you up, and He will find a way to make sure you that you know you are not alone, and that you know He hears you. 

I am so blessed! I'm blessed to be a daughter of God. I'm blessed to have a Savior who loves me so much. I'm blessed to have wonderful friends and family. I'm blessed to be able to learn and grow. I'm blessed to be able to serve. 

God has a lot in store for me, and though I don't know what's ahead of me, I'm looking forward to see where life takes me. 

I hope you have a wonderful week! I love you all and am so grateful for you!! 

Xoxo

Mattie

Trust Him, and trust His timing.

While I was sitting during the passing of the sacrament, I decided to read one of my favorite passages of scripture about the Atonement, and I had these thoughts:

Alma 7:11-13 is one of my favorite passages about the Atonement. It really emphasizes more of what Jesus felt and had to go through for us. I love that it emphasizes 'according to the flesh'. It gives me a better idea of what kinds of things He went through for me. He knows how difficult it is to overcome temptations, and He knows how hard heartbreak is. He knows how much I try to rise above my depression and anxiety, but He also knows how hard it is, and how disappointed in myself I am when I can't rise above it. He knows it all. And He knows how to help. Each person and each situation is completely unique, but He knows exactly what you need. <3

One of my favorite things that some people said in their testimonies today was that Heavenly Father loves us. And He wants what is best for us. And sometimes what is best for us is different than what is best for someone else, but that doesn't mean that what is best for you or them isn't what is best for you or them. Does that make sense? Just because someone else's best isn't your best doesn't meant that your best is any less.

Kelli said in her testimony something that I loved. "It's not the sin that makes Him cringe; it's when we don't repent that makes Him cringe." I loved that! It doesn't matter if it's the same sins over and over again...as long as we keep trying, and we repent, He is happy. He knows we are mortal and human, and we make mistakes. He doesn't expect us to be perfect right now, but He expects us to try to be better today than we were yesterday. And it is up to us to determine how close we are to God. God is right there waiting for us; we have to make an effort to draw close(r) to Him.

Kaitlin said, "Sometimes we don't know where we're going in our lives, but when we trust Him, and trust that He has a plan, He will guide us and bless us." I loved that. It's important to have a general plan, but honestly, most of the time we don't know where we are going in life. So we need to trust Him. He has a plan for each of us. He will guide us and bless us, and help us become who He knows we can become, and He can help us get to where we need to be.

Dallin said that, "Every time we follow the Spirit, we can be an instrument in people's lives." I loved this. It's so important for us to follow the Spirit and help those around us. We never know completely what's going on, but Heavenly Father does, and He sends us to help those who really need help and love.

Ingrid said, "He loves us and we are not forgotten." I loved that!! He KNOWS us! He LOVES us! We are HIS! How loved we are by the Creator and ruler of all! We are NEVER forgotten!! We are so important to Him, and we are SO LOVED!!

I am learning.

First things first: I had the opportunity to go to the BYU Spectacular with some friends last night and it was AMAZING!!! Kristin Chenoweth is fantastic, and Gentri and Vocal Point were awesome! So thankful that I had the opportunity to see it with them, and I'm glad they had fun!!

Second: I missed posting last week because it was General Conference and I had a lot of stuff going on. But! I have a lot of things that I learned in this past week, and am still learning, that I wanted to share:

I am learning that I can do hard things.

I am learning that I am more capable than I realize.

I am learning that I am not alone.

I am learning that I am strong.

I am learning that I can be happy, even when I'm going through tough things.

I am learning that God loves me so much, He's saving me from a lot of pain.

I am learning that I am loved.

I am learning that patience is a virtue.

I am learning that emotions are sometimes REALLY HARD to deal with!

I am learning that I have the roommates that I need in my life right now.

I am learning that I can't always fix things.

I am learning that stress doesn't fix anything.

I am learning that you can't always see the other side.

I am learning that you can't let the past define you.

I am learning that you can't let the past get ahead of you and keep you from your future.

I am learning that God's plan for me isn't the same as mine, and that our timelines probably aren't even close to being similar, but I'm also learning that that's okay.

I am learning that peace comes from the Book of Mormon, especially when I'm stressed.

I am learning that life is hard, but I am so tough, and I have God on my side.

Some of these things I've already previously learned, but had forgotten. Some of them are new.  Either way, they're all still worth knowing and learning. It's been a crazy week, and I've had a lot going on, and I've been through a lot. I've had a lot of talks with my roommates, and I've learned way too many things about myself in one week than is probably healthy haha but it has been helpful. My roommate gave me a few goals to work on in the next couple of weeks, and I think that they will help me in one aspect specifically, but I've learned that generally they all blend together, so it will probably help me in more than one.

I am grateful for my roommates. They show so much strength in times of hardship and sorrow. I'm so grateful that they are all kind, loving, and have such wonderful testimonies. I am learning lots from them every single day, and I am so grateful for that.

Xoxo
Mattie

As long as you put the Lord first, everything will be okay.

Today's been a great day! Very uplifting and enlightening.

My thoughts during the sacrament:

This week was a struggle. I struggled so hard in so many things. It was quite a stressful week and the next two might also be as well. I'm trying to not worry about it but you know me–I will always worry a little. Anyway. My goal for awhile has been better/consistent scripture study and prayer and it's been touch and go. Last week the first half was great but the second half was chock full (spelling?) of tons of randomness and it was very stressful and busy and I wasn't quite able to study my scriptures. This week I will try harder. I know I can do it; I just need to focus. I'm so thankful for my Savior—this past week was insane and definitely took a toll on me but everything fell together and I made all my deadlines and things. I know I couldn't have done it without Him. Many times I wanted to quit but somehow I had the strength and capacity to do just a little more. I hope this week goes better or–if not–just as well. 

Some thoughts from sacrament meeting:
-You can receive the inspiration and guidance you need. Go to conference with questions. They'll be answered.
-Sort out your life to be able to hear the voice of the Master.
-Be willing to be inconvenienced in the service of others. As you do so your life will be blessed in marvelous ways.

In Gospel Doctrine:
-We have to do the little things that will protect and fortify our testimony.
-As long as you put the Lord first, everything will be okay.
—>Seems like this has been a topic that was focused on/touched on in multiple ways today. (Guess what's gonna be this week's quote? 😉)

In Relief Society, we talked about honesty and committing to God:
-It takes humility on our part to be honest with the Lord.
-This was interesting, I thought: People lie to solve problems on their own.
-Being committed to God is having faith in Him, even when things do not go the way you want them to. Reminds me of 'but if not': But if not... I'll trust that things will work out. (which I thought I'd already posted about to a point but I can't find it right now. I'll look and see and share it later if I find it. EDIT: I sort of did, but not really. It was basically what I said up there–the talk that it is from, though, can be found here).

After Gospel Doctrine I asked my home teacher if I could get a blessing after church. I haven't been feeling well this week and I've been struggling with a bunch of things and just wanted a blessing. After church, they came and one of my roommates' home teachers were also there. Long story short: a blessing of healing and comfort was given to me and all the things I've been stressing about were addressed. So thankful for worthy priesthood holders!! Also, I definitely started a trend: four of six roommates were given blessings today. Love my roommates!!

I'm blessed to have such an awesome bishopric. Went in for a meeting for a calling after church and was blessed to hear some things that I needed to hear. So grateful for the people in my ward. ❤️❤️

It's been a great day that has been very uplifting and I'm so thankful for that. So thankful for my Heavenly Father and for His love and guidance. It's been a good day. I'm so blessed. I love my ward, I love my roommates, and I love my Savior and my Heavenly Father. Happy Sunday!

Xoxo
Mattie

"My kindness shall not depart from thee."

Oftentimes a lot of thinking goes into what I'm going to post. Sometimes I don't know exactly what I want to say or focus on. Today was one of those days.

I was thinking all day about what to post–and today I've been up since 7. I turned on my church/inspirational playlist on my iPod this morning, hoping that something would stand out, because usually it does. Nothing was standing out to me. Disheartened, I headed off to the singles ward with my sister this morning. What followed was perhaps the best answer to unspoken prayers and pleas that I've ever received.

Today is Fast Sunday, so everyone was given the opportunity after the sacrament to bear their testimonies. The Bishop was the first one to give his testimony, and I am so grateful for his testimony! He mentioned a couple of things that I specifically needed to hear, and he talked a lot about hope. One of the things that he mentioned that I loved was that we don't need confirmation for all of the decisions in our life. He then followed with the thought that Heavenly Father will let us know when we're off the path–not necessarily because of sin, but maybe we took a wrong turn–and He will direct us back. I had kind of already known that, but the way he said it and then followed it was so profound to me. 

In another testimony, someone said that Heavenly Father answers our prayers, even when we think He's not listening. And then they said that He wants us to be happy–truly happy–and we can't do it on our own. And they were right–we can't do it on our own. 

One of the last people to give their testimony said He is aware of us and wants us to succeed, and He sets us free from the things that hold us back. And He does–He puts people in our lives to help us, and He removes those people that we don't need in our life anymore, as well as many other things, to help us succeed.

Pretty much every single person (hahaha that was an accident, I swear) that bore their testimony talked about God's love for us, which I felt was for me.

In Relief Society, the trend continued, and one of the first things that the teacher said was that Heavenly Father's love for us is perfect. It's hard for us to imagine, seeing as how we live in an imperfect world, but His love for us is perfect. His purpose is to help us return to Him (Moses 1:39). Sometimes, someone said, He lets us struggle. But He's always there to help us. 

Sort of going off of that, one of the sisters said that she, too, (though to her it wasn't an "as well" moment) had noticed the message of God's love and that she had needed it. 

And that made me think: I've always known that we all have struggles, but usually they're all different struggles at the same time–one person may struggle with feeling the Spirit, or with doing visiting teaching or whatever–and I've never really had people with the same struggles mention it, at least. Never has it ever been so real to me that we all struggle. And sometimes we all struggle with the same things. 

She also said something about her niece and brother and then related that to our Heavenly Father that I definitely needed: her niece has muscle problems, and she said that she was watching her brother and niece, and they were both on their tummies, and he was facing his daughter, his face right in her face. She said her niece hates tummy time, so she was trying to push up. Her brother said (paraphrasing), "I know, baby, I know it's so hard right now, but it's good for you, and someday you'll have it down and it'll be so easy, I promise." And she then said that Heavenly Father is right there with us, watching us, helping us. He knows it's hard, and that we're struggling, but He also knows that we can do it. We can do it, and He is right there to help us when we need it. 

While I was writing this up, my playlist was playing in the background, and this song stood out to me. This song is sung from our Heavenly Father to us. He's saying that He will be there for us! He loves us and He will be with us. His kindness will never leave us because He will never leave us. One of the lines in the song is "How long can rolling waters remain impure?" and that stood out to me because during sacrament meeting, someone bore their testimony about that and said that they can't; we are given trials and struggles to help refine us. Then she said that Christ walks on those rolling waters, so fear not. I also want to throw in this line of the song that is my absolute favorite: "So hold on thy way, for I shall be with thee. And mine angels shall encircle thee. Doubt not what thou knowest, fear not man, for he cannot hurt thee." The bolded phrase is my favorite because it reminds me of President Uchtdorf's famous quote, "Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith."

I was blessed today in many ways that were unexpected but needed, and I am so grateful for those that were willing to share their thoughts today. 

God loves us so much! He loves me, and He also loves you. He is always there for us when we need help, strength, and guidance. He sends us people and experiences that we need when we need them, or before we need them, and often also during the time that we need them. He lets us walk our path on our own, but when we are going the wrong way, He will guide us back. He will never let us walk alone, and He will never leave us alone. 

You are loved, you are wanted, you are needed, and you are here for a reason. Find that reason! Find your passion, and go after it. You have something to give to this world that no one else can give. God will help you find your reason, and He will help you to be able to give what you can give. <3

What a blessing!

Today I'm grateful for a kind professor I met today.

Story time: I had two tests open this week, and I also have been working on my issues paper for my writing class, so I wasn't able to study as much as I wanted to in order to take my American Heritage test on Monday. Because today was the last day I could take it without paying for it, I was planning on studying for it between classes today and then taking the test after classes. That plan inevitably fell apart this morning when I was heading to a study group for my other test that opens this week (Physical Science, if you really want to know) and halfway to where we were meeting I realized that I forgot my notebook, and I was just like, "NO, let's not deal with that right now." So I went to my study group and afterwards I had a class. That class gets out at 1:20ish, so I was out of the building at like 1:30. Then I was hungry, so I debated and went back and forth, trying to decide if I had time to eat, grab my notebook, study, and finish my reading for my Book of Mormon class. Y'all know how I walk in circles sometimes when I can't decide which way to go? (If you didn't, you do now) Well, I was doing that outside, and I was really frustrated so I kicked a bench, and this professor was walking by, and he was like, "Are you okay?" And I told him I was fine, I was just a little frustrated. GUYS. He stopped to talk to me, and asked me what was wrong, and he offered to pay for my test!!! He was like, "Have you eaten?" And I said no. He said to go eat. And then he gave me his contact information and said, "Let me know when you're going to take your test and I'll pay for it." As I turned around to go to eat in the Wilk, I almost cried because that professor didn't have to do that. Listening to me was all that he needed to do, but he went above and beyond.