Tough times.

I've been having a hard time these past couple of weeks. I don't specifically know why. There's a couple of reasons that could be why:

Maybe it's because all of my friends are leaving on their missions.
Maybe it's because I'm worried about college.
Maybe it's because I have bronchitis and I hate coughing all the time (Seriously, I've been coughing since the beginning of July. That is 25 days too many).
Maybe it's because I feel like I'm having a hard time with my testimony.
Maybe it's because I feel like I'm doing everything all the time, and people expect a lot from me.
Or maybe it's because I'm feeling left out, and unloved, and forgotten. 

Whatever the reason is, I've been having a hard time, and I don't like it. I hate it, actually. It's not cool. I hate it!! I'm really worried, and I'm really sad. And no one will talk to me. It feels like that, anyway, and it's depressing. I feel alone and lost. I just don't understand what I'm going through right now, and it's tough. It's really hard. I don't know why I'm having such a hard time. I hate not knowing. I hate not understanding. I hate having a tough time. I hate it when I get frustrated. I hate it when I feel left out. I hate it when I feel unloved. I hate feeling forgotten, and I hate feeling abandoned.

Okay, now that I've said what I'm feeling, let me tell you what I'm feeling from God. I just prayed, and I told God what I'm feeling. I decided to search for my scriptural directory (It is seriously a life-saver. I'm going to post it here so you can have it) and look up a few scriptures.

This is the scriptural directory. It's so helpful, I promise.

First, I looked up Mark 8:35, which said, "For whosoever will save his life shall lose it; but whosoever shall lose his life for my sake and the gospel's, the same shall save it." This just means that when you are serving people–serving God–you're doing the right things.

Then I looked up John 14 (the whole chapter), which talks about how the only way back to Heavenly Father is through Jesus Christ. "I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me." If you come to know Christ, you will know our Heavenly Father. 

Finally, I looked up Matthew 11: 28-30, which says, "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest... For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." This scripture talks about how, by turning to Christ, our burden is lightened. He doesn't take it away, but He helps us lift it, and when we can lift it no longer, He will carry us. 

I am now going to address some of my fears/worries:

Maybe it's because all my friends are leaving on their missions.

My friends are leaving on their missions to serve The Lord! I am happy for them, but I am also worried for them. (I guess I'm also worried because since a lot of my guy friends are leaving on their missions, this means that I have to make new guy friends at school, and that's something I always fear and have trouble with.) However, I am excited to see how their missions go!!

Maybe it's because I'm worried about college.

College starts in little over a month, and I'm reaaaaalllllyy nervous. Again, excited to see how it goes, but really nervous because I don't know my room mate, and I'm a bit behind on packing. 

Maybe it's because I feel like I'm doing everything all the time, and people expect a lot from me.

I just feel like people are always asking me to do things. I feel like my siblings never do anything, and I do everything all the time, but the MINUTE I decide to take a break or do something else someone gets annoyed, angry, or frustrated with me because I'm "not helping" or I'm "being lazy". I just wanted a relaxing summer! I just wanted to hang out with my friends, and I just wanted to find a job. So far, I've hung out with my friends once or twice–maaaaaaaaybe three times–and I have yet to find a job. I'm glad that people can count on me, but sometimes I wish they wouldn't count on me so much.

Or maybe it's because I'm feeling left out, unloved, and forgotten.

I feel left out, I feel unloved, and I feel forgotten. I don't know why. I just...All my friends are doing something–they're either out of state, or they're actually going and doing things, and me? I'm babysitting allll suuummmmerrrrr (don't get me wrong. Sometimes it's been fun. But babysitting my siblings and cousins over and over and over and over again is getting annoying). The only things I've really done this summer are girls camp, youth conference, getting my wisdom teeth out, and touring BYU campus with my parents. And when I try and talk to my friends, sometimes they don't answer me. And I just feel forgotten sometimes. It's like I don't exist. I just...I'm worried that I won't ever find someone to love me. And I'm worried that, if I do, sometimes he won't see me, or hear me, and I'll lose him forever.

*sigh* Whew...I know that that is a lot of stuff to read, and it is a lot of stuff to feel, but this is just the bottom of the barrel, and I'm glad that I was able to get rid of some of it. I know that a lot of it was crap, and you don't really care about it, but I had to get it off of my chest. 

To conclude:

Life is tough. Actually, life is so, so, so tough, but God can make you stronger. God can help lift you up. Come to know Christ, because as you do so, you will come to know Heavenly Father. We all have troublesome times, we all have frustrations, and we all have worries. But if you turn to Christ, He will help you. He will help lift your burdens, and will carry you when you cannot walk any further. I know it. He will make you feel important, loved, and remembered. He will always be there. And if you feel alone, pray. If you feel unloved, read your scriptures. If you feel left out, do something about it. God loves you, and He is there for you always. <3