Shining bright with hope.

It's been a few weeks since I've updated my blog. I'm sorry about that. Life has been crazy and hectic. Things have been changing almost every day and it's been stressing me out, and I needed to take a breather.

Over the last few weeks, I have had a lot going on. I have had the opportunity to move into my new apartment, where Ricky will be joining me on May 20th when we are married. I have had the stress of a new job, which keeps changing things almost every day, and it's very hard to keep track of sometimes. And I have still been finalizing weddings plans. We were kind of counting on being able to use the church's cultural hall, but that is no longer an option. Instead, we will be getting married in my parents' front yard, and we are trying to figure out how to do a Facebook live or Zoom call or something like that so that Ricky's parents can participate, as well as any other extended family and friends of ours that would like to participate.

Today, the Church released that they are opening some temples in Utah for live sealings of previously endowed members. Ricky and I fall into this category. While I would much like to wait until we can invite so many more of our family and friends, as the future is unknown and we don't know when that would be, we are going to try to be sealed as soon as possible. While I am unsure yet how many guests we can have, I am sure it will be no more than 20, as that is the state's current number for "groups".

I am not going to lie, I am kind of super disappointed and sad. This whole experience has just been STRESSFUL for me. I haven't been able to really enjoy my time being engaged. My wedding plans have been changing on the daily, and I don't even know what's happening anymore. The minute that some temples were announced as being reopened for previously endowed members of the Church to be sealed as husband and wife, EVERYONE I know was sending me the link to the article, and asking if that changed things. I am not going to lie–I cried on my lunch break today because I was so overwhelmed and stressed. I was just about ready to relax because everything was pretty much done for the wedding–we just needed to buy Ricky's tie, probably some wedding decorations, and get/make food for the wedding brunch–and then the temples reopened and added a new element for me to think on.

I am really trying not to stress about this, but it is just so much more emotionally and mentally taxing for me than I thought it would be. I am grateful that I have Ricky to lean on. He has been so amazing through everything. I am so lucky to be the one that he chooses everyday, and I am so grateful that I get to choose him every day. It's the best and easiest choice I've ever made in my entire life. He is the brightest spot in my life when things are dark. He is always shining bright, and I love that about him.

Photo Credit: Beyond The Darkroom Photography

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In Elder L. Whitney Clayton's General Conference talk in April 2013 "Marriage: Watch and Learn", he gives some great marriage advice that I loved.

"First, I have observed that in the happiest marriages both the husband and wife consider their relationship to be a pearl beyond price, a treasure of infinite worth. They both leave their fathers and mothers and set out together to build a marriage that will prosper for eternity. They understand that they walk a divinely ordained path. They know that no other relationship of any kind can bring as much joy, generate as much good, or produce as much personal refinement. Watch and learn: the best marriage partners regard their marriages as priceless.

Next, faith. Successful eternal marriages are built on the foundation of faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and adherence to His teachings. I have observed that couples who have made their marriages priceless practice the patterns of faith: they attend sacrament and other meetings every week, hold family home evening, pray and study the scriptures together and as individuals, and pay an honest tithing. Their mutual quest is to be obedient and good. They do not consider the commandments to be a buffet from which they can pick and choose only the most appealing offerings.

Faith is the foundation of every virtue that strengthens marriage. Strengthening faith strengthens marriage. Faith grows as we keep the commandments, and so do the harmony and joy in marriage. Thus, keeping the commandments is fundamental to establishing strong eternal marriages. Watch and learn: faith in the Lord Jesus Christ is the foundation of happy eternal marriages.

Third, repentance. I have learned that happy marriages rely on the gift of repentance. It is an essential element in every good marital relationship. Spouses who regularly conduct honest self-examination and promptly take needed steps to repent and improve experience a healing balm in their marriages. Repentance helps restore and maintain harmony and peace.

Humility is the essence of repentance. Humility is selfless, not selfish. It doesn’t demand its own way or speak with moral superiority. Instead, humility answers softly and listens kindly for understanding, not vindication. Humility recognizes that no one can change someone else, but with faith, effort, and the help of God, we can undergo our own mighty change of heart. Experiencing the mighty change of heart causes us to treat others, especially our spouses, with meekness. Humility means that both husbands and wives seek to bless, help, and lift each other, putting the other first in every decision. Watch and learn: repentance and humility build happy marriages.

Fourth, respect. I have observed that in wonderful, happy marriages, husbands and wives treat each other as equal partners. Practices from any place or any time in which husbands have dominated wives or treated them in any way as second-class partners in marriage are not in keeping with divine law and should be replaced by correct principles and patterns of behavior."

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I am so excited to be Ricky's partner and equal in life. I am so excited to go shopping every other weekend with him. I am so excited to discuss dinner options for the week. I am so excited to wake up next to him every morning. I am so excited to be able to study our scriptures and pray together in our own home. I am so excited to be able to create our life and family together. I am so excited to be able to grow closer together and grow closer to God together. I am so excited to be able to move forward in life with him by my side. Together, I know that we will be able to make our way through this crazy adventure called life together. 

I am so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who has blessed me in so many ways. I am so grateful for the examples that I have to look up to in my life of great marriages. I am grateful for the wonderful friends and family who have been so supportive and loving. Even though things keep changing on me, and it is stressful, I am learning to work through them. I am learning to take things one thing at a time. Some days, I don't always remember that. But each day is something new. Each day is different. Each day is a blessing. And I know that I am never alone.

Xoxo

Mattie

Despite what happens to you, you are still loved.

Lots of things can happen in the blink of an eye. You never know where life is going to take you. Or who's going to cross paths with you. You never know what kinds of experiences you are going to go through. Some of them are going to be easy. Some of them will be a little harder, but you can still get through them. Some, however, will be unbearably difficult, and you will think that you won't have the strength or capacity to go through them. These experiences (all of them) can be mentally or physically challenging. Satan is going to try so hard to get you to feel like you can't do it. He's going to try to make you feel unworthy, unloved, forgotten by God, and alone. Sometimes, he might succeed. Fortunately, we have a Savior, who loves us, and will always be there for us. He died for us so that we didn't have to be alone. He will bless you, love you, lead you, and guide you, if you'll let Him. He will take the pain, the loneliness–all those dark feelings–and replace them with peace, love, light, and truth. And He will never leave you alone.

Remember:

You are never alone.
You are always loved.
You are so blessed.

Life is going to change. That's life–that's the way that it works. Sometimes you're not going to want it to change. Sometimes you're going to be afraid. That's okay. It's okay to be afraid. But at some point you're going to have to move on. At some point, you're going to have to take a stand. At some point, you're going to have to look at yourself in the mirror and say, "(Name), you can do this! All of your worries and doubts and struggles and fears are all in your head! Life is so great and you can so do this! It's going to be just fine!" Sometimes you just have to pluck up the courage to do something about it. About feeling afraid. Feeling alone. Feeling lost. Sometimes it's all in your head, and sometimes you just have to get out of your head. I know, I know–easier said than done. But it's worth it.

Sometimes you are going to feel left out. Sometimes you are going to feel like you're interrupting, or annoying. Sometimes you are going to feel forgotten–by friends, family. I promise you that they're always thinking of you. You might forget that [they are thinking of you], but just know that they are. I know they love you. You have a Savior who loves you, too. And I know that He never forgets you. You are engraved upon His heart, and upon His palms, because He died for you. There is nothing you can do that will make Him forget you or stop loving you. You can always return to Him.

Life is...well, life is life. It can be crazy–and it is crazy. Things happen–circumstances and people change. But you are not alone. You don't have to go through it alone. There are people in your life who love you. I know that there are people in your life who love you SO much! I know this, because there are people in my life that I love SO MUCH I can't even...and I can't even imagine my life without them. They're a blessing to me, and I know that the Lord knew that I needed them...I hope, too, that they need me.

There are people in your life who need YOU. They need your influence, your love, your insight, your whole being. They need you. You might not know it now–or ever–but I promise that they need you. There is something that you have in your life/personality that they do not, and that they need from you.

You are worth so much. You are a son or daughter of God, and He loves you. He wants to bless you with what He knows you need and deserve. He knows your potential, and wants to help you see it.

You have a divine nature and are so loved. I promise you, you are loved by SO MANY. 

Xoxo
Mattie

Obedience.

Sister Nielson talked about obedience in Relief Society today, and I thought this quote was perfect!! "When we love the Lord, obedience ceases to be a burden. Obedience becomes a delight." (Joseph B. Wirthlin) I love this!! As you come closer to the Lord, and love Him, obeying Him becomes a delight. You want to obey Him; you know that it is right and true. Obeying Him makes you happier, and it makes you stronger. <3

We are all on our own personal trail of hope. Heavenly Father will send us blessings, angels, and comfort to give us strength as we go through difficult trials. Obedience to the commandments keeps us safe and enables us to reach our full potential. The commandments are loving guidance from our Heavenly Father and are a road map that can lead us home. Sister Nielson gave us this quote:

"Obedience to God can be the very highest expression of independence. Just think of giving to Him the one thing, the one gift, that He would never take...Obedience–that which God will never take by force–He will accept when freely given. And He will then return to you freedom that you can hardly dream of–the freedom to feel, and to know, the freedom to do, and the freedom to BE, at least a thousand fold more than we offer Him. Strangely enough, the key to freedom is OBEDIENCE."

I know that when we obey Heavenly Father's commandments, He blesses us. It may not always be right away, and it may not be in the way we expected, but He will always bless us. I know that He sends us angels to comfort us–He can send us people, or He can send us literal angels, and He can send us angels in other forms, such as the form of music. I know that we are never alone, and I know that He loves us. I know He is always with us, and I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ amen.

Because of Him.

I know He lives! I know that because of Him we can live again. And I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that because of Him, I am NEVER alone. He will always send people when they are needed because He knows what we are feeling and doesn't want us to be or feel alone. 

He is always with you.

Heavenly Father is always with you. Through thick and thin, He is there. When you are sick, He is there. When you are lost, He is there. When you are sad or lonely, He is there. When you need comfort, He is there. There is never a moment when He is not with you, even if you don't know it or feel Him there. I know this without a shadow of a doubt, because I have felt Him. He has been there for me when I have needed Him. He has been my rock, and without Him I could not have done it all. I am so thankful for all that He has done for me.

Lessons learned from the cultural event.

Yesterday, before our cultural event, the narrators and soloists were given a challenge to imagine Christ beside us throughout the event. When I was singing my solo, even though I was completely alone for that first little bit, I didn't feel alone, and I know that He sent His Spirit to be with me, and I'm so thankful for that. At one point, while we were waiting for our turn to go on again, I was sitting alone, and no one was beside me, so I imagined Christ sitting next to me, and I immediately burst into tears, because I could see Him, and I know that he was proud of us, of me, for sharing our talents and testimonies. And both of these little miracles helped me know that we are never alone. The cultural event was such an uplifting experience and I am so glad that I got to share the message of Holy Father and my talents with all that went to see it. I got many people telling me that they cried when they heard it, and I'm so glad that it touched them. It's a beautiful song with a beautiful message.

Always there.

Sometimes, when all your homework is done, and your friend won't talk to you, and you're sad, or bored, or both, you just need to take a minute or five and read your scriptures and pray. The Lord won't let you be alone if you actually work/study. He'll give you answers, or He'll just talk to you, let you know that you're not alone. Or if you didn't get a part you really wanted. He can let you know why (I really hope I get a solo, though. Then I can tell Him thanks). He is ALWAYS there. Even when your friend is not. He is your friend, and He will always listen. Even when you're blubbering because your friend isn't answering or something. He will always listen and He always understands. Always. Forever and always He will love you, listen to you, help you, and be a shoulder to cry on. Or He'll send people to love you, to listen to you, to help you, and be your shoulder to cry on. But His influence will always be there. 

Miracles and attitudes.

I know that The Lord works many miracles. I have been busting out the seams with stuff: I've had homework that's extremely hard and/or time consuming, I've been working on my medallion (almost finished!!!): five projects all at the same time. Did I mention homework?? For the last two weeks, homework and Personal Progress has been my focus. And music, but I'm always in a music mood, so that doesn't count. But seriously. I don't know how I would have gotten though the past two weeks without Him. I am positive that I would NEVER have been able to get anything done without The Lord's help. I've been really busy trying to keep up with my homework and trying to work on my Personal Progress and trying to stay happy and positive. All the while, The Lord has been my rock, and my quiet place when I have needed a break. He has been my go-to guy for when I've had questions or problems. He has just listened and watched when I've needed to state my problems. He has helped me realize my potential, and my worth, and everything that I am through this blog that I wanted to do. He has been my northern star. I am surprised that I have gotten as much done as I have. He has been the best listener because, as I've said before, Christ is the best listener. It's been extremely crazy and I'm grateful for The Lord's hand in my life recently. But I am sure that when Wednesday comes around, my load will be considerably lightened, and I will be so grateful. It's just been so hectic, but, looking back, it doesn't look as hectic as I remember, and I know that this is because of The Lord. He is so amazing and merciful and loving and I am so grateful to Him. And, to be honest, I don't have it as hard as some. I'm really lucky to live in a happy home, with food, and I'm lucky to be able to go to school. I'm lucky my dad has a job, and I'm lucky that none of my siblings or either of my parents is terminally ill. I'm extremely lucky to live in this day and age, and I'm thankful for that. And, no matter what your situation, it's always your attitude that makes your life happy or sad or bad. Remember that. It's your attitude. 

He will always listen.

Christ is waiting with arms wide open for you.

Do you ever just feel neglected? Like people don't want to talk to you? Like you bug them so much they don't want to even bother to answer? Well, don't. And, if you do, listen to these wise words that are, unfortunately, not mine: "God loves you; keep moving forward." Genius, right? Anyway, you are never neglected by Heavenly Father. He always wants to talk to you. You will never bug Him enough so that He won't want to talk to you. He always wants to talk to you, and He always wants you to talk to Him. How do you do this, you ask? Easy. I will tell you. It's very simple. And! It's two steps:

Step number one: To talk to Him: Pray. Or, if you can't pray, talk to Him. Literally, talk to Him. He'll listen, I promise. I should know. I do it all the time. Anyway. You could also sing hymns and primary songs. I do that all the time, too.

Step number two: To listen to Him/Have Him talk to you: Read the scriptures. Listen to the Holy Ghost. Read the Ensign. Read the Liahona. Read The New Era. Read The Friend. Stand outside in nature. Did I mention listen to the Holy Ghost? And just be in a quiet place, or be quiet. He'll speak. So you just have to listen. He's actually probably tried to talk to you already, you just haven't been listening and/or paying attention.

So. That's what my advice to you is. Don't feel neglected. The Lord loves you and wants you to feel loved and happy. He is always listening and ready to give His advice. You just have to listen and be ready. 

 See these pictures here? They speak truths. God is the best listener. You can talk all you want to other people, and half of them most likely won't care, but God cares about you, and He hears you, and He listens, and He loves.

He will never forsake you. You are His child and He loves you. He will speak to you through the service of others and through your experiences. He is always there to lend a listening ear. 

My brothers just saw that picture of Christ up there, and Porter said "Jesus!" and Lander said "Jesus is not my friend." So I told him, "Jesus is too your friend." Lander kept saying "No," and Porter was hitting Lander and saying "Jesus my friend." It was adorable. Porter (who is two) knows that Jesus is your friend. Out of the mouths of babes. Lander does know it. He just needs a reminder. But I want you to know: Jesus is your friend, and God will always listen. 

You're worth it to Him.

How you view yourself is very important. You are a child of God, and He loves you very much. He loves all of His children very much. This is something I posted on Facebook a while ago:

He loves you for who you are. You don't need to change for anyone. God loves you for you, and He made you just the way He wants you. He is so aware of you, He sends you people when you need them, or He sends you experiences when you need them, and sometimes even when you don't want them and you feel alone. You are NEVER alone, ever, because Jesus Christ is always there beside you, and Heavenly Father sends you the Holy Ghost when you need comfort. You are not too anything for Him. He is our King, and we are His children, and He loves us beyond anything we can ever imagine. He never wants you to be alone, and He never wants you to feel alone. 

Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God. ~~ D&C 18: 10

In February 2011, about six or so months before my family and I moved (and whether I knew it or not I couldn't tell you; I can't remember), I came home from school one day to hear my mom say, "Mattie, you got a package in the mail." "Who's it from?" "No idea." So, naturally, I opened the package. Inside, I found a little card with an angel on the front, a little angel statue, a little pink flower, and a little green gem. I opened the card and I read, "Faith means not needing to see where you're going to know you'll get there safely. Even though you can't see what lies ahead, please know you already have what you need to come out of this an even stronger person. May this flower show you your inner beauty, this gem your great value, and let this Angel guide you to your potential." I may have lost the flower and the gem (accidentally, of course! They were so cute!), but I still have that angel, and the card, and I will treasure them until the day I die, because moving from one city to another was really difficult for me. Because I had grown up there, meeting and getting to know new people in our new home and neighborhood, sometimes I'd be reminded of Orem, and sometimes during that first year I really missed Orem. But I would look at that angel and I'd read that card and I'd think, "I can do this. I can get through this." God knew me enough to know that moving would be hard for me, so He had someone (whom I will forever be grateful for) send me a package that I still read every now and then when times get tough. He knows exactly what you're going through, and He doesn't want you to go through it alone, nor does He want you to go through it not knowing what you're worth to Him. You are so worth it to Him. He sent His Son so that we can be resurrected and live forever with Him if we follow Him. He wants us to come home to Him. He wants us to know that we are worth it to Him. You are worth it to Him.