In my brokenness, I am His.

It's been a pretty odd week. No, wait, that's not what I meant. I meant "off". It's been a pretty off week. Well, I guess technically it's been both. Let me explain. (But first let me say that this is a vulnerable post that might seem scary to you, but really, I'm okay. :) )

Sometimes life seems like it's going pretty well but you just can't. feel. anything. Or you just feel so. dang. empty. And you can't really understand why. Everything seems to be fine. Classes are going well. Work is going well. But you just can't find the energy to do anything, or you just don't want to be productive.

Or you're sitting in a room full of people and you're not really part of any one conversation because you don't really have any desire to be, and you just pipe in to everyone else's conversations randomly when you hear something that interests you, but nobody seems to notice.

Or you just sit there, not saying anything, listening to everyone talk, and you're just there, and nobody seems to notice.

Or you're in the back room for awhile and when you come back out, you hear, "Oh, you're still here! I thought you'd left." And you know that you should be amused, or hurt, but you just feel empty. And yet, somehow you're all of the above.

This–all of what I have just explained–is my depression. But this is just a part of it. Some weeks it hits me really, really hard. Some weeks, my depression and anxiety are both extremely prevalent, and it's a really bad week. Sometimes, the week is fairly okay, but there is just one day that my depression hits, and I just can't do anything. I can't feel anything. I just exist. The scary part is that sometimes, I don't want to exist. I often wonder what life would be like if I hadn't existed. If I just *poof* vanished from the world, and from everyone's minds and lives.

In these moments–in all of the moments like this–it's hard to rise above it. It feels like I'm sinking in a pool of water, and I've been struggling for so long–my arms and legs are so exhausted, and I just don't want to struggle anymore. I just want to relax, but I'm still in the pool. When I'm not struggling to stay afloat, I'm sinking. I'm drowning. Nobody's around to see me drown. It feels like nobody cares. And I go back to wondering what life would be like if I didn't exist anymore...

But suddenly there's this shadow above me in the water. There's a hand reaching down to me, down through the water. I grab the hand greedily, as if I'm thirsty and this hand is a glass of water, and steadily I'm pulled upward. I gasp as I break the surface and take deep breaths. I'm pulled over the edge of the water to the ground, and I look to my rescuer. And I start to cry because I know that face. He's kneeling down next to me, wiping away my tears, and all I can say is, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry". For my rescuer is my Savior. I keep repeating, "I'm sorry" while I'm crying, and He just holds me. I don't know why He picks particular moments to lift me up, but I do know that He is always close by, and that He will never let me drown.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In moments of vulnerability, and brokenness, it's hard to see how anyone could love me, or want to save me. I don't often feel like I'm worth it. I'm just a regular, average girl. But in my moments of vulnerability and brokenness I forget the most important thing: I am a child of God. I am a daughter of a King. He loves me so much. I love this video because it shows that we are ALL children of God.

There is beauty in my vulnerability and brokenness. When I am broken and vulnerable enough to turn to God, I am allowing Him into the deepest parts of me, and I am letting Him see all of me, and I am letting Him in so that He can heal me.

"I am a broken soul, this is true.
But in my brokenness, I am freed.
In my brokenness, I am healed.
In my brokenness, I am found.
In my brokenness, I am His."
~In My Brokenness, by Mattie Radke

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I hope you all have a very wonderful Thanksgiving with family and friends! I'm grateful for the holiday seasons that are approaching! It's a wonderful time to remember to look outwards, and to help those in need.

I am so grateful for the people that I have in my life. My ward is AMAZING, and I am so thankful for all of the kindness that I have felt in the ward, and all of the love.

I am grateful for the ward that I was in the last two years. I grew so much there, and I really felt the love of my Father in Heaven there. I really felt like I had a place, like I belonged.

I am so grateful for all of the women in my life who have shown me how to love, and serve, and how to rise above the challenges that I will inevitably face.

I am so grateful for the love and support of my family, and that I know I can always count on them.

I am grateful for the love of my Father in Heaven, and for His support. I am grateful that He sent His Son to save us. I am grateful that my Savior is always there for me, and that He is always waiting to lend a hand when I need it.

Xoxo
Mattie

He is proud.

Another second chance. Isn't that what we all want? I love this song by Hilary Weeks called, "Another Second Chance". My favorite part of the song goes like this:

"I've started over again and again, just to slip and lose my place
I'm ready to live my life for you
Please say it's not too late for me to change
It's hard to say how many times I've let you down, turning from your grace
I hope you can believe me when I say I'm ready to take your name so I can change
I wanna change
'Cause I have wandered down these broken paths that have lead to dead end roads
And I have walked past every single sign that pointed me back home
And I need another
I need another second chance"

I love the message in this song, and how much this song rings with my soul. I don't know about you, but so many times, I have made mistakes, and I've walked past the right path, and I've felt like I couldn't come back. Especially because I felt like I had already filled my quota of second chances. But that's not true. God is always willing to give us another second chance. He's willing to give us as many chances as we need because He loves us.

There were so many amazing things said in sacrament meeting today! :)
-Perfection is something we will never earn; it can only be given to us by the grace of God.
-We represent Christ by taking His name upon us and having His name on our heart.
-Cut yourself some slack, but aim for improvement.
-"I am not wicked when I have screwed up, or screwed up again, or when I ask for mercy."

Heavenly Father loves us. He is constantly cheering us on. He is proud when we try, and He is proud when we ask for help. He is proud when we recognize our mistakes, and humble ourselves, and repent, and ask for a second chance. He is proud when we look to Him for guidance. He is proud when we stop worrying about our own problems and help those around us. He is proud when we live in the moment. He is proud when we care about those in our lives. He is proud when we read the scriptures and pray, even if it is only for a short while. He is proud when we take time to ponder, and think. He is proud when we share our testimony–in words, or by how we live. He is proud when we change. But most of all–He is proud of you, no matter what. He is proud that you love. He is proud that you laugh. He is proud that you share your talents. He is proud that you are His.

I am so thankful for the lessons and talks today–I didn't really talk a lot about them today because I felt like I needed to go in a different direction, but I did really enjoy the lessons today. I am grateful for bright spots of hope in dark times of stress. I am grateful for my Savior, and I am grateful for my Heavenly Father. I am grateful for His love, and support, and especially for His grace.

I hope you have a wonderful week! God loves you, and so do I!

Xoxo
Mattie

Something special.

I was thinking to myself this morning about some things, and I couldn't let it go. So I thought I'd write a little poem about it, and I did, and I think it says what I want it to.

Sometimes it's hard being me. 

I overthink all the things about my appearance.
I'm pretty sure 99% of the things that I worry about are only noticed by me.

Sometimes I think my friends are exaggerating when they tell me I'm beautiful.
But I know that can't be true because it's impossible for 100% of my friends to all be exaggerating my beauty. Someone's bound to tell the truth. 

So the only other plausible option is that I'm beautiful. 

Not just on the outside–on the inside too. 

Again, I overthink all the things and criticize all the parts of my personality.

But I'm reminded by my friends that they love me. 

And that I am beautiful. And capable. And strong.

And I remember that I'm a daughter of God. And He loves me. And He wants me to be who I am because that's who He made. He made me. And He loves me exactly the way I am. He made me something special because He knows I can be something special.

So who am I to question God? If He thinks I'm something special, I must indeed be something special.

~~"Something Special", a poem by Me

Because of Him, I can forgive myself.

I know it's only Friday, but I've been thinking about this all week and this picture that showed up in my newsfeed in Facebook yesterday was the clincher for a post.

So, Monday or Tuesday night, I realized that I hadn't updated my quote of the week. I wracked my brain for a quote, and I settled on one that my roommate kind of brought into my head the other night when I was having a rough time. My quote this week is, "Because He lives, I can forgive myself." He bled and died for me so that I wouldn't have to so long as I turn to Him. I turned to Him for something a long time ago, and I guess I've never really forgiven myself for it. It's hard to forgive yourself, isn't it? But, with His help, and because of Him, we can be forgiven by our Father in Heaven, and, subsequently, we can forgive ourselves. If our Heavenly Father has forgiven us, then He has forgotten it! We, unfortunately, can't forget it. But it serves as a reminder to us that we can be forgiven, and we can be whole again. The Savior can wipe away our tears of regret, as President Uchtdorf says in this picture. He is always going to be there for us, but only we can let Him in. <3

This is the picture that showed up in my newsfeed yesterday. 

Challenges bring me closer to Christ.

Well, this week was challenging.

To give you a short rundown as to why, I fell off of my bed onto my knees on Sunday night, and Monday morning I woke up with my lower back/upper leg hurting (on the right side, but that's not important).

After being in pain all day, getting up and down from my seat in classes, and just walking around, I was able to go to the urgent care that night (courtesy of my friend with a car who was kind enough to drive me). After some questions and tests of pain tolerance (basically he had me move my legs around and asked when and where it hurt), he concluded that I'd fallen in just the right way on my knees that some of the muscles in my back spasmed. I basically got a Charlie horse in my back. Go figure. Anywho, he prescribed me heat, a muscle relaxant before bed, no bending, he told me to take 3 ibuprofen, he told me to have patience [the one thing I lack ;)]. So I went to the pharmacy (still courtesy of my friend) and picked up the relaxant, and then I went home. My grandpa dropped off a heat pad for me. So I got ready for bed and took the relaxant. I could feel when it started to take effect (it made my insides all fuzzy), and then *bam*! I was out like a light. On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the most, my pain was at about a 7.

Tuesday I had work, and it was a little awkward, getting used to not being able to bend without pain (I had to squat and I felt like a pregnant lady, hahaha), but I managed to get through the day just fine. I was able to get a priesthood blessing from some of the young men in my ward and I am so grateful for the worthy young men in my ward! I heard some things that I needed to hear. Also, apparently, that night the relaxant made me high...I saw these creepy purple tentacles with teeth on the end and had this weird feeling of my body shrinking and I questioned how my insides could fit...well, inside me. ;) My pain was about a 7 again. Not too much different from Monday, but slightly better.

Wednesday I had classes, and I was able to get through the day without too much trouble, though it was still painful. Some of the girls in my hall and I went to deliver valentine's gifts to some of the boys in our ward (we split them up between the three Relief Societies). And of course I forgot that I was in pain and I started to jump and skip like normal. Nope–bad idea. Anyway, learned my lesson the hard way and walked the rest of the time. Was able to go to bed relatively quickly. On the same scale, this day my pain was about a 6.

Thursday I had work again, and I had to work all by myself for about an hour and a half because I'm the only student worker right now, and all of the chefs had a meeting, so I had to hold down the fort. I did a great job. :) After work, I studied for a test and walked up to the testing center to take it; then I went back home and was able to have dinner with some friends (I think...I can't remember hahaha). Then we had ward prayer later that night and after that I went to bed. My pain was about a 4.5 or 5 that day.

Friday I had classes again, but it was less painful today!! There was still pain, yes, but not quite so much! After classes, I did some things–think I tried to read some, and started to pack (I came home this weekend), and I listened to music (as always). Went to dinner with my friends for awhile, and then after that, I decided to practice my violin and then I did some more packing, and some more listening to music. Then I got ready for bed and took a little while to get to sleep but I did. :) My pain was about a 4.

Saturday (today) was pretty painless. There's still some pain, but it's not quite as bad. My muscles must be almost done relaxing! I hope so! I was pretty much done with the pain and the waiting by Tuesday morning!

Some of the things I learned this week:

• Maybe not you, but I can injure my back by falling on my knees. (I have the luck of falling just right, but you probably don't have that luck. Lucky!)
• I am so grateful for priesthood blessings!! I love that I can turn to all of the young men in my ward and ask for a priesthood blessing! God knew exactly what I needed to hear in that prayer. 
• Following the doctor's orders of not bending down was less painful! Who knew? ;)
• I have some of the greatest friends in the world. I have some very sweet, kind, and thoughtful hallmates and friends, and I am so grateful for them!! Sometimes I feel sad, left out, or forgotten, but there are always those girls that say hi to me as they walk by my room, or they invite me to eat dinner with them, and I love that! It makes me feel loved and important. <3
• I am so grateful for humor! My friends have made me laugh many times this week, which has been a great blessing. I had to learn to be positive throughout this experience (yes, me) and having a great time with my friends was a blessing. :)
• Finally, I learned that I am grateful for this experience. At the beginning of the week, I was talking to myself and arguing about which day would have been best for me to have injured myself, and I finally decided that yes, Monday was the best day–I won't explain to you why because you won't get it (I barely do). I was also trying to figure out what I could learn from this experience. As you can see, I learned quite a lot. But this last one–this last lesson–was by far the biggest blessing from this experience. This week has been challenging–I had to learn to work with/around my pain. And sometimes it was hard. But I did it!! I am SO grateful for all of my friends' support and love this week. This experience helped me realize that I'm not forgotten, and I'm not alone. God is always there, and when I need something, He will send me His love through my friends. Sometimes I have to put myself out there, but He will show me how much He loves me by sending me my friends. 

Wow...

As I've been thinking about this experience, I've been thinking about what I learned. 

In the moments of this week, I wasn't thinking about what I was learning. To be honest, most of the time I was thinking, "This is painful, and I just want to be done so that I can rest and not move." Maybe not in so many words, but that was the gist of it. 

But as I've been going back through this week, I realized many of these things that I learned I probably couldn't have learned in any other way. 

I could sit here and try to explain, but I'm having trouble coming up with all of the right words, so I'm just going to say this: my quote this week was "All you need is Jesus Christ." And I definitely learned that this week. This challenging experience has brought me closer to Christ. My Savior has been with me this whole week–though my friends. My friends are definitely Christlike in every way, and they have been such a blessing to have this week. I love them and I am so grateful that they were there for me this week, and that they were loving, and kind, and thoughtful. I know that they listened to the Spirit this week because they came when I needed them. <3

Blessings on crazy days.

I feel like I need to say something today. Today was crazy!! I had an a cappella performance tonight so I couldn't work. So a couple of weeks ago I asked if someone could cover for me, and someone said he could. I was like, "Sweet!" So I tried to contact him the other day and make sure that he was still okay with covering for me. Nothing. I was like, "Okay, I'll try again tomorrow." Tomorrow as in yesterday. Nothing. I tried again this morning. NOTHING. By now, I'm freaking out and worried—worried that he wouldn't ever respond; worried that he'd be like, "Actually, I forgot, and now I can't"; worried what I would do. I didn't take my work clothes because I was counting on him to cover for me, but I was worried I'd have to go to work, so I'd have to run from my last class home to change for work—it would be a mess—I'd be a mess. Anyway, my first class was at noon so I just went to class. Finally, sometime between 1 and 3, I decided to comment on the post on the employee Facebook group that I had posted a couple weeks (make sense? I posted to the group a couple weeks ago and decided to comment again). HE RESPONDED! I was like, "Halle-freakin-lujah! Thank you!" And he was still able to cover for me. So grateful for that tender mercy from my Heavenly Father. He really does care for us and know how to soothe our souls. I love Him and am grateful for Him and His Son—my Savior, Jesus Christ. I am blessed beyond measure to be able to turn to and count on Him for anything and everything. Especially since I am a stresser and a worrier. I'm glad that I can turn to Him—though, I'll be honest, sometimes I get so wrapped up in my worries and stresses that I forget to turn to Him. But when I do remember to turn to Him, He's there, waiting. And He's there, keeping me up, and loving me, no matter what.

Letter of gratitude and love.

Dear Reader,
If you're reading this, this either means that you are either a friend, or a family member, or a nice random person who follows my blog. [If you're the latter, thank you so much! :)]

Today is Saturday August 22nd, 2015. I know it's late, but I realized earlier today that this weekend is my last weekend at home!! I move out next Wednesday.  You may question: Am I super excited? Can I wait? Am I a little sad? (Answers to come shortly)

Before I go, I have to say something (I was going to post this Tuesday night/Wednesday morning, but I couldn't wait).

18 years is a long time. I've lived in five homes, two of which were in Provo when I was little, and two of which were in Orem up until I was 14 years old. The most recent home is here in Lehi. Though I do not really remember the homes in Provo, I most definitely remember the Orem homes and, obviously, Lehi. I've been to four schools, two of which were in Orem and two of which were here in Lehi.

In all that time, I have met so many people. They have all taught me so many things. If you would like to read a detailed version of my gratitude for people in my life, click here. I should mention that it is literally detailed. It is way, way, waaay long, and if you don't want to read it after you look at it, I don't blame you. But just in case you want to, it is there for you.

Now–I am so, so, so grateful for everyone in my home neighborhoods–both Lehi and Orem. I have learned so much and grown so much because of all of the people that I have come in contact with. Everyone has taught me a valuable lesson, whether they knew it or not–whether I knew it or not. I have had so many angels in my life, especially within the last three or so years. They have been anchors and strengths to me, and I'm so grateful for them. I never knew that so many people could touch my life in so many different ways, but it's possible. <3

I have never felt so much love for all of my friends and family until now. There are so many things I'm going to miss.

I'm going to miss getting together with my girl friends whenever a school dance was coming up and having a movie night. We had such fun!! I love those girls so much!!
I'm going to miss getting to be around my family all the time.
I'm going to miss getting to watch Porter and Lander grow up.
I'm going to miss lunchtime. I pretty much was a bouncy ball, traveling to friends because I wanted to see them and I missed them. (Also because I was literally bouncy. It's so much fun!)
I'm going to miss young women's. I love those girls so, so much!! They're all such sweethearts and they're going to be amazing mothers someday. <3
I'm going to miss seeing my friends every day/every other day. You get used to seeing them so often very fast, and when it's suddenly not happening, your world turns upside down. It's quite disconcerting.
I'm going to miss knowing people everywhere I go, or mostly everywhere I go. BYU is a big school, and I'm probably not going to see people that I currently know all that often, so I'm going to need to make new friends (which is hard for me. Please pray for me).
I'm going to miss my dad's weird sense of humor.
I'm going to miss all the times that all of us kids get along together, and we watch a movie, or quote a movie together, or have a singing/dancing session/marathon, or when we just talked and laughed.
I'm going to miss babysitting all the cute kids in my ward. They're so cute and I always enjoy watching them because they're so cute!!! I'm going to miss that.
Most of all, I'm going to miss having my mom around.
I'm going to miss her always being right there for me when I need her.

To answer your questions: Yes, I'm super excited, and yes, I can't wait, but yes, I'm a little sad.

Life is going to change so much for me in a few days.

Sometimes I'm ready for it.

Right now?

Right now, I'm going to miss what I have now, but yes–I am excited. Though I will be having to adjust to new changes, there is one thing that I do not have to adjust to. Because one thing that is never going to change ever is my Savior. He will always be with me. He will always be there for me, and He is always going to love me. I know that I don't have to get through this without Him, and I'm so grateful for that. I love Him so much and I know that He loves me.

Thank you for always being there. Thanks for reading, thanks for being supportive, thanks for the love, and thanks for being my friend. Please, don't ever forget me. I'm always here for you, even if we never talk. Thanks for everything. <3

Love,
Mattie

Worries, the future, and how Heavenly Father can help me.

Sometimes I feel like I'm not ever going to go anywhere. I feel like it's not going to work out. I feel like I'm never going to accomplish what I want to accomplish and what I want to do. I feel like it's just not going to work--I'm never going to be famous, or well-known, and I'm never going to get married. Like, I have two friends who recently got married and my cousin is getting married next Saturday, and my other cousin got married several months ago. And I just can't see how it's going to work out for me, and that scares me. It's scary.

Thinking about the future is not always my favorite thing because it scares me. I just...who would ever want to be with me forever? I just...I can't see it. And I'm scared that I'm never going to find someone, and I'm scared that what I want for my future--a music career, and a family--I'm scared it's never going to happen. I'm scared I'm going to fall back. I'm scared that I won't ever find someone who'll love me when I tell him what I did. Because I have to. I am going to have to tell him what I did. I haven't told very many people about it--less than five, myself included. But I am going to have to tell my future husband, and I am going to tell him before we decide to be married because I feel like that is right. But I'm afraid that it will scare him away.

I know that Heavenly Father can help me. I need to talk to Him today. But I'm just so afraid. I know that He knows what is best for me, and I know that He knows all about me, and I know that He knows all about my future husband, and I know that He loves me. But I'm still scared. I'm still afraid. I love Him and honor Him and know that He will help me make it through life, but right now I can't see it. I'm blind to my future. We all are. When we can't see what's ahead of us, sometimes we shut down. We feel like we can't do it, and it won't happen. I know He loves me, and I know He's helping me. I need to turn to Him–I'll admit that it's been a few days.

I'm going to miss high school. I was walking through the halls today, and I just thought, "Man, I'm going to miss this." But then I was walking up the steps home, and I thought, "I'm not going to miss high school." My mind is so torn. I am going to miss my teachers (mostly my orchestra teacher. I love her so much and I have learned so much from her and I'm so glad that I have gotten to know her these past three years.) and my friends. But I'm also ready to move on. I'm just so ready to be done. But I'm scared about the future. I'm frightened that I won't be able to do what I really love. I'm scared that I won't be able to find someone to love me for me. I want to be married in the temple, and I'm worried that I'm not worthy and that I'll never find someone who'll love me–bruises, mistakes, scars, and all.

I've been told I worry too much, and it's true. But I can't help it. I don't know what else to do! I think that's part of the reason why I'm always happy and bubbly and bouncy–because it keeps my mind off the worries. When I'm alone with my thoughts, I worry the most. And that's not always a good thing. But that is why we have a Savior. He is there to help me, and take away that burden. Sometimes I forget. But He did not just suffer and die for my sins and mistakes. He suffered and died for my heartaches. For my miseries. For my sufferings. For all of the worries I've had. For all of the deaths that have affected my life. For all of it. He suffered and died so that He could help. He suffered and died so that I would not be alone.  So that I would have someone to turn to who knew exactly what I've been through. So that I would not be afraid.

I'm grateful for Him. I love Him. I know He loves me, even when I've made mistakes. Even when I've turned away, or fallen, or forgotten. Even when I doubted, He still loved me. And I want a relationship like that. I want my future husband to love me, even when I make mistakes. Even when I might close up to him. Even when I feel afraid. Even when I feel left out. Even when I feel alone. I want him to still love me. I want him to still care. I want him to still be there for me. My daddy and my Savior have set the bar very high, and I will not take less than what they have shown me. I'm a princess, and I deserve a prince. I'm grateful that my Heavenly Father knows what He is doing, because I sure don't know what I'm doing!

Catch up, tour, and blessings.

I know it's been a while since I've posted, and I'm sorry. I had Spring Break last week and we went to Disneyland/California on tour and then Sunday I slept. Then this week we went back to school and it's been really busy trying to catch up on my English homework because I thought that we didn't have to read over spring break, but we actually didn't have any reading due over spring break. So I've been behind in the reading a little bit, but I finally caught up yesterday. Tour was so much fun! We learned a lot about teamwork and leadership skills, and we got to go to Disneyland and California Adventure and it was super fun! My friends and I got stuck on the Indiana Jones ride and we were hanging with Indiana–literally:

My friend accidentally made that pun when she texted our teacher that we were going to be late to the leadership training. It was hilarious! We also went to the beach, and we saw the Pacific Symphony in concert–Paul Anka performed the last half of the concert. He was funny–he went into the audience and some lady was on her phone and he took it (He was in the middle of singing a song) and sang to the person on the other end with some improv lyrics. He was a little bit dirty, though, and I felt really bad for Mrs. Kelley–she looked so embarrassed. Oh! Saturday night we went to a pirates diner, and Mrs. Kelley and her husband were both busy, so I was watching her baby (He's so adorable!!!) and playing with him–he really liked the bus hahaha–and I have noticed that when he gets sleepy, he tends to tug on his ear and suck his thumb, which he started doing. So I started to sing him some lullabies, and he kept getting a little distracted, especially when his mom would start talking because he loves her so much, but I was also rubbing his back as I sang to him, and he finally started to calm down and he fell asleep. He was drooling while I was playing with him, and when he fell asleep, he continued drooling, so by the time we got to the diner, my shirt had drool all over the front–and the inside! Haha he's such a cutie and the drool was no big deal–I'm the oldest of nine, remember, so I've dealt with babies before. Drool I can deal with; spit up? Nope, that's a deal breaker, haha! :) All in all, it was a fantastic trip and I'm so glad I was able to go.

I know that Heavenly Father blessed me to be able to catch up on my reading for English, and I know that He kept me safe on tour–I had trouble with steps all throughout spring break and tour. On Monday, at home, I tripped up our front stairs outside–We only have two and I didn't even get to the second one. I cut my big toe and my second toe on my right foot pretty bad. So it was sore all throughout tour, but I didn't even really notice it unless I hit my toes on something. So that was a blessing. I know that Heavenly Father was watching out for me–I am accident-prone and when I tripped, it could've been worse, but it wasn't. I know He loves me, and I'm so grateful for Him and for His Son.