He is proud.

Another second chance. Isn't that what we all want? I love this song by Hilary Weeks called, "Another Second Chance". My favorite part of the song goes like this:

"I've started over again and again, just to slip and lose my place
I'm ready to live my life for you
Please say it's not too late for me to change
It's hard to say how many times I've let you down, turning from your grace
I hope you can believe me when I say I'm ready to take your name so I can change
I wanna change
'Cause I have wandered down these broken paths that have lead to dead end roads
And I have walked past every single sign that pointed me back home
And I need another
I need another second chance"

I love the message in this song, and how much this song rings with my soul. I don't know about you, but so many times, I have made mistakes, and I've walked past the right path, and I've felt like I couldn't come back. Especially because I felt like I had already filled my quota of second chances. But that's not true. God is always willing to give us another second chance. He's willing to give us as many chances as we need because He loves us.

There were so many amazing things said in sacrament meeting today! :)
-Perfection is something we will never earn; it can only be given to us by the grace of God.
-We represent Christ by taking His name upon us and having His name on our heart.
-Cut yourself some slack, but aim for improvement.
-"I am not wicked when I have screwed up, or screwed up again, or when I ask for mercy."

Heavenly Father loves us. He is constantly cheering us on. He is proud when we try, and He is proud when we ask for help. He is proud when we recognize our mistakes, and humble ourselves, and repent, and ask for a second chance. He is proud when we look to Him for guidance. He is proud when we stop worrying about our own problems and help those around us. He is proud when we live in the moment. He is proud when we care about those in our lives. He is proud when we read the scriptures and pray, even if it is only for a short while. He is proud when we take time to ponder, and think. He is proud when we share our testimony–in words, or by how we live. He is proud when we change. But most of all–He is proud of you, no matter what. He is proud that you love. He is proud that you laugh. He is proud that you share your talents. He is proud that you are His.

I am so thankful for the lessons and talks today–I didn't really talk a lot about them today because I felt like I needed to go in a different direction, but I did really enjoy the lessons today. I am grateful for bright spots of hope in dark times of stress. I am grateful for my Savior, and I am grateful for my Heavenly Father. I am grateful for His love, and support, and especially for His grace.

I hope you have a wonderful week! God loves you, and so do I!

Xoxo
Mattie

Your value does not change when you fail.

Today I was thinking a lot. Mainly because I really had a horrible, horrible headache and couldn't really focus on the lessons today (I did listen and learned a little but mainly I tried to stop the pummeling in my head). But also because I have had a lot to think about. Let's start with what I was thinking about in sacrament meeting:

Patiently waiting is hard. Especially when you're waiting for blessings, answers, peace, or your birthday, and they're just not getting here fast enough. Finding ways to keep yourself busy in the meantime is hard. Because all you want is to know what to do, or to just feel like the decision you already made was the right one. But it feels like you can't hear anything. So you think, "Maybe I'm not doing enough." So you try to read your scriptures more deeply, and pray more fervently, and be there for your friends, and...nothing. The only place you feel it, and hear it, is the temple. But you can't always be at the temple. So you don't know what to do except doing what you're doing and hope that you'll hear it soon. You have faith that He is there, even when you can't hear Him, because you have felt it before. You're not sure why it even stopped, but you just keep hoping. And it's not like you haven't felt it; you have. Just not when you have wanted and deeded it desperately. But you keep going, and lean on the testimonies of your friends and family until you're back on your feet and can hear it and feel it again.

~I think it's because I can hardly hear anything over my depression. And even though I want to be and try to be, I'm not really happy. Luckily I am not alone in this time of my life: I have family, friends, my therapist, and my Savior. I have a meeting with my therapist tomorrow and I am hoping to be able to find an answer, or be closer to finding an answer.  

One theme of today that I noticed was God's love. It was kind of just all encompassing today, and I'm not going to lie–I really needed it.

One of my favorite things that was said in sacrament meeting today was that we can't forget to have charity towards ourself. I'd never thought of that before–having charity towards yourself. But when you think about it, it makes sense. We're told to love our neighbors and ourselves, and we're told to have charity towards our neighbors. So if we're supposed to love our neighbors and also have charity towards them, and also love ourselves, it stands to reason that we should have charity towards ourselves, too.

Gospel doctrine was just what I needed today. We talked about successfully failing. And how we need to learn to be...maybe not happy about failing...but positive about it. Note that we tried! And learn from it. Recognize the progress you've made. And–most importantly, in my opinion–understand that YOUR VALUE DOES NOT CHANGE WHEN YOU FAIL. 

We don't really learn a lot from succeeding the first time. We really learn the most when we fail. We learn to take a step back and look at things from a new angle. No matter how many times we fail, we are still the same value as we were before.

Another thing that we talked bout that I absolutely LOVED was that it's not very Christlike to not forgive yourself. I've never thought about that before but it is so true! Christ forgives EVERYONE, every time. So, if we want to be more Christlike, we need to forgive ourselves, too.

And nothing is embarrassing to Him. We can tell Him anything, and ask for forgiveness for the littlest and most dumbest things in our mind, but it's important to Him because it's important to us.

Heavenly Father's view of us doesn't change, even if our view of ourself does. 

He will always love us, and we will always be important to him. And we will always be valued.

Don't forget.

I have been thinking about what to write for a little while. First, my idea was to write a poem. That is still an option but I can't think of what to write, how to start it, etc. Now I'm at an impasse.

So, as I said, I've been thinking for awhile...

And I want to say this:

Don't forget.
Don't forget you are needed.
Don't forget you are loved.
Don't forget who you are.
Don't forget whose you are.

You are a divine child of God.
You are His child.
He made you!
He loves you.

Don't forget your divine nature.
Don't forget your worth.
Don't forget why you came to this earth.

Don't forget to be–
Be you,
Be kind,
Be grateful.

People are imperfect.
People have moods.
People will come and go.
But God is perfect.
God is always constant.
He is the same yesterday, today, and forever.
He will always be there for you.
He will always be with you.

So please don't forget:
Don't forget whose you are.
Don't forget to be you.
Don't forget that God will always be there for you.
~"Don't Forget" by Mattie Radke

I know that He loves you. I love you, too. You are precious to Him and He sent you here for a reason. He knew that you were needed here. Someone needed to meet you, or to learn from you. Someone needed you. In order for them to become their best self, they needed you. So don't forget that you are needed and loved. Because you are.

Tender mercies. God loves you. You are not alone.

For seminary, we have to have our bishop send something to the seminary so that they know that we are on track for seminary graduation. Well, I went in, and it came up that I was having some troubles.
And my bishop told me that God loves me. Doesn't matter what I do, my worth to Him will never change.
I am His daughter–I am a daughter of a King––the Almighty God––and He loves me––imperfect, and mistaken, and broken.
He wants me to turn to Him. He wants me to tell Him what is going on in my life. He wants me to turn to Him. He wants me to talk to Him, to pray to Him. That meeting was a tender mercy. I never knew until that moment that I had needed to hear that God loves me no matter what, and that I am His daughter, and that I am not alone. Such a tender mercy! I have always known those things, but I guess recently it hadn't really stuck with me, so hearing it from my bishop was a tender mercy. Because my bishop wants me to–and I really want to and I need to–I am going to try and be better about my prayers and scripture study. It's going to be a little difficult at first, but I know I can do it with Heavenly Father's help.

I give my love to all!

<3 Mattie