I can #LightTheWorld by donating.

Not only is it now December, but it snowed last night!!!! I am so excited!!! I love Christmastime!! 🌨🌨🌨❄️❄️❄️

I can't believe that there are two weeks left of classes!! This semester has flown by! I only have 4 finals, and 3 of them are scheduled for the last two days, so I'm going to have a lot of time to study and get ready for the break!

I have a lot of projects due this week and next, so I hope that I can get them all done! I am so nervous! I have been struggling to focus because I know that I need to get them all done, but I just can't focus on one and so it's been really stressful. I am hoping to be able to make a list of the things I need to get done and their due dates so I can just work on them in order of the closest due dates.

I can't believe that 2018 is almost over!!!! What???!!! Where has the time gone?? It seems like just yesterday I was being surprised by my roommates and friends for my 21st birthday! Man, what a time that was!! I was so surprised and I felt so, so, so, so loved!!! And now, here I am, 11 months later, and I'm now in my last year of college, I've applied for graduation, I'm in a new apartment complex and ward, I've bought (and totaled...) my first car, I've been on many crazy and fun adventures, I've met so many new people, I started taking medication for my anxiety and depression, I've been able to see its impact in my life, and I'm preparing to go through the temple for the first time in a few months. I have come so far this year! I am honestly so proud of myself!! I've been through some tough things this year, but I have been able to get through it!! I am so excited to see where not only the rest of the semester will go, but where this next year will take me!!

Today was Fast Sunday, and I bore my testimony in sacrament meeting. I am so grateful for all that my Father in Heaven has done for me this year. It has been a difficult year at times, but I have learned and grown a lot, and I have been able to depend on Him.

He has blessed me with the best people in my life this year! I have felt SO MUCH LOVE this year!! And even when I have felt so depressed, lonely, stressed, anxious, upset, etc., I have been able to look back...I have been able to look back on my surprise party, and the notes that my friends wrote me...I have been able to look back on the times when I knew I could trust my friends...I have been able to look back on my adventures...I have been able to look back on the little moments...and I have been able to remember that I am loved!

Despite what my broken brain tells me, and despite what Satan tries to tell me, I am loved, and I am a daughter of the Most High God!! I have so many friends and family members who love me and are proud of me! Even when I don't feel like they love me or are proud of me, they keep loving me anyway.

The fact that they keep loving me anyway is a blessing. Because it means that they believe in me. They believe that I can overcome and rise above my mental disorders–but even when I can't, they are still there for me. That means so much to me!! I am so thankful that I have people in my life that I can count on to love me, have faith in me, are proud of me, and know that I can do it–because sometimes, I don't love myself...don't have faith in myself...am not proud of myself...don't think I can do it...and sometimes I don't think anyone else loves me, has faith in me, or is proud of me, either.

But I do! And they do! I do love myself, and I do have people who love me. I am grateful for the blessings that I have received this year, and this past semester. I am grateful that I am surrounded by so much goodness! I am grateful for the growth that I have seen in myself this year. I am grateful for the progress that I have ultimately made this year.

I am grateful for my Father in Heaven, and for His faith in me. He has given me so many chances to start over again...and I am so thankful that He loves me that much.

I am grateful for my Savior, and for His sacrifice for me. He bled and died for me, and He is always with me...I know that He loves me, and I know that He wants me to be able to live with my Father in Heaven again, and I am so thankful that He loves me enough to help me to be able to do so.

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This year, for Christmas, the Church is doing #LightTheWorld again, but they are doing a weekly setup instead of the daily opportunities. The theme is Give as He Gave. On the Church's Light the World website, the top of the page says, "Jesus Christ, the Light of the World, spent much of His ministry caring for individuals, one by one. Join us this Christmas as we follow His example and find ways to share our time, love, and resources with those in need." I love this! I am so excited to be able to Light the World this year!!

The first week is Light the World. Jesus Christ taught, “Ye are the light of the world.” We can share that light to all of God’s children when we give as He gave to people near and far. How do you want to #LightTheWorld? You can do so many things! Here are a few examples:

1. Yesterday, I was coming home from spending some time with my grandparents, and there was a group of people who were hanging out around the front of my apartment complex. These two guys asked if they could help me carry some stuff...I literally had my purse and my leftover sandwich...but I said, "Sure." I was really confused, obviously, until one of the guys said that they were going around doing service for #LightTheWorld. I thought it was super sweet and was thankful that they wanted to help–even if I didn't really need it! 

2. This week, my stake is doing a blood drive, and I was able to sign up!!! Every time I've ever tried to sign up when my last stake was doing blood drives, I was unable to make it. I am so excited!! I know that giving blood is important! I am also excited because I received my new driver's license this weekend, and I am now a donor! 

3. The BYU Design Department is holding a clothing drive on campus for homeless youth in Salt Lake City, and I think I might be able to drop some stuff off at one of the donation boxes on campus this week.

I know that these are little things that might not really matter right now, but they mean so much to me. I have recently been watching a lot of medical dramas haha which–I know they're not entirely accurate haha, but it has really burned into me the importance of donors. Especially at this time of the year, when it's really cold, and snowy, and icy–people get hurt a lot. I want to be able to help, if I can, and being a donor is important to me because if I have what somebody needs, then I should share it! 

I am grateful for the opportunities I have to serve those around me, and to bless them. I know that it is important for everyone to feel loved and to have what they need to survive, and to have love and support from those around them. And it is important for everyone to have people that they can count on. I want to be someone that my friends and family can count on.

I am so grateful for this Christmas season, and for the chance I have to think about my Savior, and about His birth, and His life, and the reason that He did all that He did. He did it all for us. He did it all for you, and He did it all for me. I am so blessed that He loves me enough to have atoned for me, and died for me. 

I love Him so much! He is my best friend and I can always count on Him! He and Heavenly Father are always there, and always listening. When I am having a bad day, and all I want to do is cry, I know that I can turn to Them. I can always ask God all of my questions...I can always tell Him all of my fears...all of my hopes and dreams...and I can always tell Him how I feel, no matter what. Sometimes I am upset because I don't understand why my life is going the way that it is going. He understands that. Sometimes I am frustrated because I can't figure out what He wants me to do. He understands that. Sometimes I am mad because I want something in my life that I can't have right now. He understands that. He understands it all. And He is there for me every step of the way. And if we need to stop climbing the mountain to let me breathe a little...we do.

Xoxo

Mattie

Your worth is infinite, and so is God's love for you.

Sometimes it is so difficult to be patient. Sometimes it is so hard to wait for things you want. Sometimes it is so hard to be patient with people. Sometimes it's easier to be patient. But there's always room for improvement. Some days are more difficult than others, and some days are more easier than others. But even on those days, there is room for improvement. And if you remember how patient Christ is with us, and our shortcomings, I think you will be more likely to be more patient with those around you.

Something that someone said in their testimony today really stood out to me: "When someone wants to diminish the truth of something, they attack the character of the deliverer or main person in the event/story." I really loved this. Jospeh Smith faced a lot of criticism and attacks on his character, but he still stood strong. He still held his faith, and his testimony in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I really admire that about him, and I really look up to him for that. He never backed down, even in times of turmoil or struggle. He stayed strong.

I didn't really take notes in church today because we had some of our cousins with us this weekend and I ended up sitting with A at the end of primary, and also in his class.

But! My friend texted me and reminded me of the worldwide devotional for young adults tonight and so I just watched it and I am so thankful that she texted me about it because I absolutely loved it!!

The speakers were Brother and Sister Kearon–Brother Kearon is from the Presidency of the Seventy.

Sister Kearon's talk was probably my favorite. She spoke about the love of our Father in Heaven. My favorite thing that she said was, "Your Father in Heaven loves you. Whoever you are, whatever you are struggling with, you are enough. He loves you just the way you are right here, right now, in all your beautiful messiness. But He also loves you enough not to let you stay the way you are." I loved that. He loves us as we are, but He also loves us enough to help us grow and change, and become a better person; He loves us enough to help us become more like Him.

She also talked about how the infinite and gentle love of God will help invite us to make changes in our lives. She talked about how we need to experience things that require change and growth, and help us to depend on God. We can do it. Jesus Christ–the Firstborn of God the Father–first bore our trials, sorrows, afflictions, etc. He has promised us hope, and healing, and He will be there. We were created for a joyful, abundant existence, she says. "Your worth is infinite, and so is God's love for you." No matter what you do, your worth is still the same in His eyes. He will always love you.

I am not even going to lie, as soon as Sister Kearon started talking about how "Learning to find, feel, and understand our individual worth, regardless of what other people might think or say about is critical to our lifelong emotional and spiritual well-being", I started to feel the Spirit so strongly, and by the time she got to the part where she was talking about how we are of endless worth to Heavenly Father, I was bawling because it was exactly what I have needed to hear.

Brother Kearon's talk was really great, too, and I really enjoyed his focus on ministering. He talked about first asking God for help to know who we can help. He talked about how the heart of our purpose here on earth is learning to look outward and serve one another. He also talked about how this kind of ministry is a way of life.

He talked about three things that we can do:
1. The kind of service we're assigned or invited to perform as a responsibility at church
2. The kind of service that we choose to do of our own volition
3. Public service

This is how the Savior lived, and this is why He lived.