We are made up of a million tiny little things.

This week I have been in one of the most famous cities in the world: New York City!!! It has been a DREAM of mine for a long time and I can't believe I've finally been able to make it here!!! It has been an absolute BLAST and I have learned a lot about myself and life.

I've learned that I am extremely polite, I take my time to look at art and nature, I'm very independent, I need a map/guide, I often state the most obvious things, and when things go wrong I tend to look on the bright side.

I've learned that people in New York do NOT know how to drive!!!! At all!!!! I will never complain about Utah drivers again.

I've learned that it's a lot harder to hear God in the city that never sleeps...but when I can, it's still as beautiful as ever.

I've learned that you can never get tired of beautiful places, experiences, and things.

I've learned that sometimes stepping out of your comfort city/state is not only wanted, but NEEDED to give you a nice little break from your life.

I've learned that sometimes, in order to appreciate your life and get a better point of view, you need to take a step back.

I've learned that God is always with you. He cares about you. He wants you to be happy. He wants you to be HAPPY. And happiness is a choice. Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light, as Professor Dumbledore said.

Sometimes our circumstances aren't what we wanted or imagined. And sometimes it's depressing. And that's okay. But if you focus on what you don't have, you lose sight of what you DO have. And I've learned that that doesn't make me the happiest of people.

It's hard to focus on what I do have, especially when I am not entirely sure what I do have. Not that I don't have lots of amazing parts to my life, but sometimes it seems like there aren't that many things to my life. I have a great job, great coworkers, great family, great friends.

But there is more to life, right? That's why I came to New York—because I wanted to see the world, and wanted to experience the world. I wanted to see what else the world has to offer. Because maybe–just maybe–if I can see what else the world has to offer, maybe I can see what else I have to offer.

Bishop Christopher W. Waddell said in the April 2019 General Conference, "As we seek the guidance of the Spirit and trust the Lord, we will be placed in situations and circumstances where we can act and bless—in other words, minister. There may be other times when we recognize a need but feel inadequate to respond, assuming that what we have to offer is insufficient. To do just as He did, however, is to minister by giving what we are capable of giving and to trust that the Lord will magnify our efforts to bless our “fellow travelers on this mortal journey.” For some, it may be giving the gift of time and talents; for others, it may be a kind word or a strong back. Although we may feel that our efforts are inadequate, President Dallin H. Oaks shared an important principle regarding “small and simple.” He taught that small and simple acts are powerful because they invite “the companionship of the Holy Ghost,” a companion who blesses both the giver and the receiver.

Small and simple things. It is the little things that make all the difference. We're all made up of a million tiny little things. We're all given the opportunity to make a difference with a million tiny little choices. What we CAN and DO give is enough—no matter how big or how small. As long as you are giving your all, you are making a difference.

Xoxo
Mattie

Humility is having self-compassion.

I'm grateful for the rain! Yeah, it's cold, and wet, but it's peaceful and means it's time for sweater weather! Ready to read some thoughts I've been having lately? Sweet–let's go!

So grateful for the opportunity to listen to/watch the General Women's Session of Conference last night! It was a wonderfully uplifting session! SO excited for General Conference next weekend! I'm also grateful for the weekend that I've had, alone though I was. My roommates all went to a Relief Society overnight trip our ward was having. I wanted to go but couldn't get anyone to cover for me. Anyway, I did have fun, and I learned some things. For example, I learned there is a medicine that sufficiently helps me feel better when I've had a headache all week and its intensity worsened on Saturday (grateful my coworker had some!). I also learned a lot from the conference session last night. While I was listening to Sister Eubank's talk on the way home from work, I had an amazing and profound thought that has been growing for a few weeks now: "Being humble doesn't mean you can degrade yourself or believe you have a negative self worth." Something she said just sparked that thought, and I'm so grateful it did because it was something I've needed to hear for awhile. I'm also grateful for my Savior, who blessed me this week and weekend, and for the fact that, as I've followed my new therapist's advice to be more self-compassionate, and as I've been reading my scriptures and praying more consistently, my week has just been so much better! Despite the headaches, and the crazy week, overall it was just better than last week. I was less stressed, and less anxious, and less depressed. I'm grateful for that experience. It gives me hope for the future. :)

I went to Gospel Principles today, and today we talked about Jesus Christ. There were honestly just a lot of really great things that were said about Him, so I'm just going to list them:
-Jesus should be relatable. Someone we trust to talk to.
-God has never asked for anything but faith from us.
-Christ loves us for who we are right now. He'll turn our weaknesses to strengths. He takes what we already are and turns us into a better version of ourselves.
-You are ENOUGH.
-Heavenly Father loves you and wants you to be happy.

Relief Society was awesome! My roommates were teaching today :)
-One thing that Dahlia said that I really liked was that, "Only a perfect person can really see all our imperfections." She said something about how you know how much you've grown or learned when you look back, and see how little you knew way back when. And only Jesus Christ can really see all our imperfections. Sure, we know we're imperfect. But we don't know just how imperfect we are because we ourselves are not perfect.
-God wants us to be happy was repeated again, but also it's just such a true statement. God wants us to be happy, no matter who we are, or where we are in life.

I was bearing my testimony after the lesson, and I said, "Humility is having self-compassion." Humility is learning to love yourself as you are. Humility isn't, as I've said, 'degrad[ing] yourself or believ[ing] you have a negative self worth.' Humility is learning to love and accept yourself–flaws and all. It is something that I have been struggling with, but I have been working on it, and it has made me happier. Praying and reading my scriptures daily, or more daily, has also really helped. Together, working on these little things has made me happier, and brought more peace into my life. I challenge you to do the same. You don't have to work on them all at the same time, like I am, but I promise you that you will be blessed in your efforts.

Xoxo
Mattie