Personal revelation leads to personal improvement.

Hello friends!! This weekend was General Conference!! I was so excited and so grateful for all of the messages that were shared by our Prophet and other leaders of the Church.

I felt so much peace and love this weekend as I listened. There are many things that I can work on to improve, but I am going to take my time in order to not stress myself out more than normal. 

I am going to start with improving my personal scripture study and daily prayers. I have also recently begun to start working out. I think that these two things–improving my spiritual study and physical health–will help me foster other areas that I can work on, as well. 

Sorry this post is so late and so short–after Conference, I took a nap and Ricky and I went for a little walk before dinner. It was much needed. 

I am so grateful for personal revelation, and for the wonderful talks and messages that God wanted us to hear through His servants. I am grateful for the improvements that I am going to be working on. I am grateful for the upcoming holiday seasons (Thanksgiving and Christmas) and look forward to celebrating gratitude, the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ, and remembering all of the blessings that we are and will be receiving because of His birth and, subsequently, His life, death, and resurrection.

Hope everyone has a wonderful week! God loves you, and I do too!

Xoxo

Mattie

The focus of our lives should be on Jesus Christ.

I’m loving this new year already!

I've been striving really hard this week to study my scriptures every day, and I am proud of my progress. :)

Two of my brothers were ordained to advancing offices in the Aaronic Priesthood and I am so proud of them! My little brothers are growing up so fast and are such sweet and smart little dudes!

This week was a bit of a challenge in some ways, but I am grateful for the lessons that I learned through those challenges. I learned that nothing is worth mental, emotional, or physical agony. I learned that communication is a two-way street, and as much fun as texting is, the important conversations need to be had in person.

In Relief Society, we talked about Elder Holland's October 2019 General Conference talk entitled "The Message, the Meaning, and the Multitude". There are five main points that he explores in his talk that we discussed.

• Surround yourself with spiritually sensitive people.
• I loved this! These 'spiritually sensitive people' don't have to be of your same beliefs or faith. It is possible to be surrounded by spiritually sensitive people of many different beliefs and faiths. As long as they are uplifting and allow you to do and be what you believe you need to do and be, they can be a spiritually sensitive person for you.
• In the commotion, fix our attention on Him.
• In the commotion of life, we need to fix our attention on Him. He is the Light of the World, and He will keep us grounded and sure.
• We must focus on the Savior in the temple.
• The temple is a wonderful and beautiful place. We go there first to make our own covenants, and then to help others make their own covenants and remember our own. We go to focus on the Lord, and to respect Him, and to remember His gospel.
• The real reason for revelatory adjustments is to focus on Christ.
• There have been many adjustments in the Church recently, and they are helping us to remember the heart of the gospel, which is that it is the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and this is His Church. We must never forget that. That is why there have been many changes recently. They are helping us to focus on the Savior.
• Learn from the First Vision Jesus' divine identity.
• Heavenly Father said to Joseph, "Joseph, this is my Beloved Son. Hear Him!" Jesus is the Son of God. Elder Holland said it best: "No greater expression of Jesus’s divine identity, His primacy in the plan of salvation, and His standing in the eyes of God could ever exceed that short seven-word declaration."

I am ever so grateful for my fiancé! We went to the temple yesterday and did some sealings and I just love going to the temple with him! Afterwards, he let me take some pictures of him! I am so excited to be marrying him and I get so emotional just thinking about it! I am so, so blessed to have been chosen by him! 💜

This week is going to be fun! I will make it fun! Looking on the bright side of things is something that I used to do when I was younger and I want it to make a comeback in my life.

God is so good, you guys! I love Him, and know that He loves you. This year will be an amazing one! Can't wait to experience it all with my best friend! 💜

Xoxo

Mattie

We are made up of a million tiny little things.

This week I have been in one of the most famous cities in the world: New York City!!! It has been a DREAM of mine for a long time and I can't believe I've finally been able to make it here!!! It has been an absolute BLAST and I have learned a lot about myself and life.

I've learned that I am extremely polite, I take my time to look at art and nature, I'm very independent, I need a map/guide, I often state the most obvious things, and when things go wrong I tend to look on the bright side.

I've learned that people in New York do NOT know how to drive!!!! At all!!!! I will never complain about Utah drivers again.

I've learned that it's a lot harder to hear God in the city that never sleeps...but when I can, it's still as beautiful as ever.

I've learned that you can never get tired of beautiful places, experiences, and things.

I've learned that sometimes stepping out of your comfort city/state is not only wanted, but NEEDED to give you a nice little break from your life.

I've learned that sometimes, in order to appreciate your life and get a better point of view, you need to take a step back.

I've learned that God is always with you. He cares about you. He wants you to be happy. He wants you to be HAPPY. And happiness is a choice. Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light, as Professor Dumbledore said.

Sometimes our circumstances aren't what we wanted or imagined. And sometimes it's depressing. And that's okay. But if you focus on what you don't have, you lose sight of what you DO have. And I've learned that that doesn't make me the happiest of people.

It's hard to focus on what I do have, especially when I am not entirely sure what I do have. Not that I don't have lots of amazing parts to my life, but sometimes it seems like there aren't that many things to my life. I have a great job, great coworkers, great family, great friends.

But there is more to life, right? That's why I came to New York—because I wanted to see the world, and wanted to experience the world. I wanted to see what else the world has to offer. Because maybe–just maybe–if I can see what else the world has to offer, maybe I can see what else I have to offer.

Bishop Christopher W. Waddell said in the April 2019 General Conference, "As we seek the guidance of the Spirit and trust the Lord, we will be placed in situations and circumstances where we can act and bless—in other words, minister. There may be other times when we recognize a need but feel inadequate to respond, assuming that what we have to offer is insufficient. To do just as He did, however, is to minister by giving what we are capable of giving and to trust that the Lord will magnify our efforts to bless our “fellow travelers on this mortal journey.” For some, it may be giving the gift of time and talents; for others, it may be a kind word or a strong back. Although we may feel that our efforts are inadequate, President Dallin H. Oaks shared an important principle regarding “small and simple.” He taught that small and simple acts are powerful because they invite “the companionship of the Holy Ghost,” a companion who blesses both the giver and the receiver.

Small and simple things. It is the little things that make all the difference. We're all made up of a million tiny little things. We're all given the opportunity to make a difference with a million tiny little choices. What we CAN and DO give is enough—no matter how big or how small. As long as you are giving your all, you are making a difference.

Xoxo
Mattie

Sometimes our physical adventures can lead to spiritual adventures.

I am so blessed and grateful for modern-day medicine! Here's an update on what could be considered one of the craziest weeks–if not THE craziest week of my entire 22-year existence.

The moments that change our lives are random and unforeseen. However, it is up to us on how they change us. An experience like the one I am currently going through–having appendicitis and being confined to my house–could break me. If I let it. But it can also make me stronger. Which is what I am trying to get it to do. I am trying to learn and grow from it. And I am trying not to let it break me.

Tuesday night (May 21st, 2019) I went to bed around 11:30/11:45pm after doing my homework because my stomach had started bothering me, and I thought that a night of sleep would help me recuperate. I woke up at 2:10am with the pain about the same or worse. I woke up my parents, and after about 45 minutes of the pain being the same or worse, my dad took me to the emergency room at the hospital around 3:15am. They drew my blood for some tests, and took a CT scan, and when the doctor came in around 5:30am, he said it was a good thing I listened to my body because I had early appendicitis. They gave me some morphine to help with the pain, and eventually they gave me a little bit of oxygen because the morphine caused my body to slow down so much, the machine kept thinking that I had stopped breathing. 🤣

May 22nd, 2019 - Me with my best friend oxygen

They moved me to a pre-op room upstairs, where I waited for surgery. Surgery kept getting pushed back because they already had a bunch of scheduled surgeries and I was just going to be fit into whatever time they could fit me in (during this time, I met a super cute nurse who had recently gotten back from his mission early and he was hoping to be able to go back soon but wasn't sure if he would. I think I told him it will all work out, but I was so sleepy and drugged up that I can't remember 🤣). By the time I got taken up for surgery, it was probably 10:30/10:45am and I had been at the hospital for about 7 hours. I don't remember anything after they helped me get up on the operating table. When I woke up in post-op, I had a really hard time keeping my eyes opened. They wouldn't let me leave until I could keep down some water and I could walk around a bit. I finally got home around 2pm and just crashed. My doctor said that I couldn't go to work for about five days, so I made sure that I got my shifts covered for Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, and I let my professors know I wouldn't be in class Wednesday-Friday. 

Everyone has been SO kind, thoughtful, caring, and loving as I have been recovering! I really appreciate all the love and well-wishes! I am very grateful for the love of my Father in Heaven. He has sent me quite a few angels at this time in my life–and I am so grateful for their love and well-wishes. I appreciate those who have been praying for me, and for those who have sent me sweet messages and even get-well baskets. I am so thankful that I only had to miss three days of school and work, since Monday is Memorial Day and everything is closed/canceled that day anyway. I am so thankful for all of the time that I have had to rest and heal my body. I am feeling a lot better today than I have been the past few days, and even though I am going back to work and school on Tuesday, I am not going to be 100% yet for probably quite a few more days at the very least. 

I am grateful for the reminder that I am not alone, and that my Savior is with me, and understands me. He understands the pain I have been going through, and the suffering. Jesus suffered SO MUCH. He bled from every pore. He was whipped, hit upon, spit upon, and had a crown of thorns placed upon His head. He carried His cross up the hill to Calvary upon His back that had open wounds from being whipped and beaten. He had nails pounded into His wrists, His palms, and His feet. He died of a broken heart. He suffered for all the pains, sorrows, sins, afflictions, and temptations of the world. He suffered for you. He suffered for me. I am so thankful that I have had my Savior to turn to and to depend on in my times of need. 

In the April 2016 General Conference, then-President Uchtdorf said, "If a man can take the ruins, rubble, and remains of a broken city and rebuild an awe-inspiring structure that rises toward the heavens, how much more capable is our Almighty Father to restore His children who have fallen, struggled, or become lost? It matters not now how completely ruined our lives may seem. It matters not how scarlet our sins, how deep our bitterness, how lonely, abandoned, or broken our hearts may be. Even those who are without hope, who live in despair, who have betrayed trusted, surrendered their integrity, or turned away from God can be rebuilt...there is no life so shattered that it cannot be restored." 

I love this quote. It reminds me of 9 years ago, this December, when the Provo Tabernacle caught on fire, and ten months later in General Conference President Monson said that we would use the Tabernacle to make another holy temple for the Lord. That is what the Lord does with us. He takes us in our brokenness and helps us to lay a new foundation–one that can help us become more of a holy temple for the Lord.

In Luke 15, Jesus gives the parable of the lost sheep, the piece of silver, and the prodigal son. Now, if you know these stories, you might be questioning how they apply to my experience this week. I'll explain. 

Luke 15:4-5 says, "4 What man of you, having an hundred sheep, if he lose one of them, doth not leave the ninety and nine in the wilderness, and go after that which is lost, until he find it? 5 And when he hath found it, he layeth it on his shoulders, rejoicing." 

In this parable, we are the sheep. Jesus is our Shepherd, and when we lose our way, we become the lost sheep. Now, this week, I didn't necessarily become 'lost' in the typical way we think of. I didn't stray off the path. I didn't fall away. But I did 'lose myself'. I had appendicitis. I had to go to the hospital. I had to take medicine that didn't always help me think clearly. I've been sleeping off and on for five days. I've had previous engagements that I had to cancel because I've been sick and recuperating. I kind of 'fell away' from the world for a bit. I've been homebound. I've felt alone, and lost. But my Savior has known where I have been the whole time. He has sent me angels, friends, ministers, and my family to 'find me'. To pick me up. To lead me home.

Luke 15:8-9 says, "8 Either what woman having ten pieces of silver, if she lose one piece, doth not light a candle, and sweep the house, and seek diligently till she find it? 9 And when she hath found it, she calleth her friends and her neighbours together, saying, Rejoice with me; for I have found the piece which I had lost."

In this parable, we are the pieces of silver. Jesus is the woman, and when we are lost, He does not stop searching till He finds us. In my pain this week, and in my sleeping it off, I might have become a little lost. I might have forgotten who I am. Whose I am. I might have forgotten that I have a loving Father in Heaven who cares for me. But He never forgot about me.

Luke 15:11-32 is a lot longer, so a few of my favorite scriptures from this parable are: "18 I will arise and go to my father, and will say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee, 19 And am no more worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thy hired servants. 20 And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him. 21 And the son said unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in they sight, and am no more worthy to be called thy son. 22 But the father said to his servants, Bring froth the best robe, and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet... 24 For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. And they began to be merry."

In this parable, we are the lost son. The prodigal son. I have heard that this parable should be called the parable of the prodigal sonS plural because even the son who stayed at home was also technically a prodigal son. Anyway, that is not the point of this parable in regards to my week. In regards to my week, I approached my dad and asked for help, much like the prodigal son who left. And my dad took me to the hospital, and gave me a blessing, and helped me get through this experience. 

One thing that I love about all of the parables that Jesus shares is how applicable they are to EVERYTHING. Until I was writing this, I never would have thought that I could apply the parables of the lost sheep, piece of silver, and son to an experience with appendicitis. But I can. And I did. And there is a lot more in our lives that we can apply these parables to.

I am grateful for my Father in Heaven, and for His love and support. I am grateful for my father on earth, who not only gave me a wonderful blessing last week right before my surgery, but a few weeks ago when I was struggling with school and life in general. I am grateful that I know that I am not lost to Him. I am grateful that I know that I am always within His sights. And I am grateful that I know that He loves me always, and has the greatest of plans for me.

Xoxo
Mattie

We need to minister love as He did.

I think that for the last two weeks, Life has just been like..."Mm, let's see...Mattie is almost on her last stretch...how much damage can we do before she gets there to make her not want to get there? 😈" Because goodness gracious, what a time it has been! From not only falling up the stairs and getting a gnarly bruise but waking up with a couple bizarre bruises this week to having the most awful migraine last week, I think the only thing that hasn't happened in the last two weeks is me breaking something–either a bone or part of my violin–which has often been a fear of mine. Wait, I lied. I haven't thrown up, either (though I've been nauseous a lot).

ANYWAY. Sorry for the extensive life update–I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page. It's been a ROUGH couple of weeks for me–not only physically, but mentally, and I had to take a lot of time for myself because my mind and body needed time to heal. It has been a little stressful because I have had a lot of school things to work on that I haven't been able to work on as much as I wanted because I've been dealing with helping myself heal. But I am grateful that I have the faith and trust in my Heavenly Father to ask for priesthood blessings because I know that the faith to ask for priesthood blessings shows Him my humbleness, and willingness to listen to things He has to say to me. I know that as I do the things He asks me to, He will bless me, and He will bless my efforts.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once upon a time, there was a girl who envisioned the life that she wanted. And she started the path to that life. But she kept hitting dead ends. Some were quick dead ends; others were a little bit longer. She didn't understand. The map she had didn't show so many dead ends. So she went to the mapmaker to ask for guidance, direction, and insight. 

She asked the mapmaker, "Why are these dead ends not mapped out? I'd like to avoid them." She had had enough heartache and just wanted something to work out for once.

His response was short: "If you knew all the dead ends, you wouldn't learn from your mistakes." He knew she would learn better if she made her own decisions. 

Trying to understand, she asked the mapmaker, "How can I best navigate the course I desire?" 

He answered, "Take all the time you need to decide which paths to take, and which course to follow. If you have any questions, I am happy to answer them. But I won't be able to make any decisions for you. This life is all about what you want, and if I am making all the choices for you, it's not going to be what you want."

She thought about that for a minute and then said, "You are right. How can I know when to ask you for help?"

"Oftentimes," he said, "you will just know. You will feel it in your heart."

Thanking the mapmaker for his time, she walked back to the last point of the path where she had been. She looked at her map, and thought back to what the mapmaker had said about taking the time she needed. She knelt down and tried to figure out exactly what she wanted, what she needed, and which paths would give her what she desired. 

Standing up, she made a choice, and headed off in that direction. She wouldn't know for a long time if that was the correct choice or not, but for now, she knew that it felt right, and that it seemed to be what she needed right now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(In case you couldn't tell, the story above was an allegory for our life here on Earth. There are always going to be dead ends–paths that seem right at the time, but end up not going anywhere. God is our mapmaker, and He is always going to be there for us to guide us and help us, but He can't make any decisions for us; it is up to us what paths and choices we make. I hope that you remember that sometimes, you just have to take a leap of faith and trust that if you fall, God will catch you.)

The message I got in church today was MINISTER LOVE. I loved the focus on ministering today. 

Alex asked a question in her talk that I loved: Are we the first person others think of when in need? I don't know the answer to that question, but I do know that I at least try to be that person. 

Kyle asked a couple of questions that I loved, too: Who do I want to be? And what do I need to do to get there? I loved these because honestly, life is hard to navigate until you know who you want to be and what things you need to do to be that person. 

One thing that we discussed in Relief Society that I loved was that, after we go through/to the temple. we will received more temptations because we are more of a threat. And I know that that is true. This semester has been one of the hardest–not because of school, but because I have just had a lot of things going on that have been making it hard for me to focus on the right things. But I know that when I am able to focus on the right things, and do what I am supposed to do, that everything else falls into place. 

I went to the temple yesterday morning, and it was such a beautiful time. It was the first time that I went by myself since I've gone through, and it was a little scary at first but it was good. :) It was wonderful to just sit there and ponder on things that I have been worried about, and things that have been on my mind for awhile. One thing that I learned while I was sitting in the temple was that even though I make mistakes a lot, if I have the desire and will to change, as long as I have the Lord beside me, I can overcome whatever is thrown my way.

I am thankful for the blessings of the temple, of the priesthood, of the Spirit, of music, and for the blessing of being a woman. Life is certainly difficult, but I know that there are things that I can do because I am a woman, and I am thankful for the blessing of being ME because there are things that I can do that no one else can. And I hope that I bless the lives of those around me in the best ways.

God is a powerful being who made not only this world, but US. He made YOU. He made ME. And He created us to do a marvelous work that no one else can do. You are meant to do great things, and only you can do them. He will help you figure them out if you ask Him for help. :)

I hope you all have a wonderful week! God loves you so much, and I do, too!

Xoxo
Mattie

Learning life lessons.

I am so grateful for my Heavenly Father. He has blessed my life in many ways this year, and I don't know how He does it, but I know that He does it because He loves me!

I can't believe the end of the year is here! It's been quite a year! I've learned a lot! I think that one of the main things that I have learned this year–though I still am struggling to understand it at times–is that there is a reason for all things. Things happen for a reason, and things happen when they are meant to. It's hard to remember that, though, and it's hard to have patience sometimes. But I know that when you take a step back, and try not to focus on some of the things that you want, that 1) time will fly by as you're waiting; and 2) sometimes something better will come along and you'll realize that what you wanted was a good thing, but this new thing is better for you.

One of my favorite things about the end of the year is looking back on the year, and being amazed at all the things that have happened this year. I look back at things that happened in March and April, and I go, "Was that really this year?" And it amazes me how time seems to fly by when you least expect it. I could have sworn that I have been taking my medication for a long time, but I just started taking it this year; I could have sworn that the summer went on forEVER, but then it was over; I could have sworn Fall semester just started, but now it's over; and I could have sworn I just turned 21 and had the greatest surprise party of my life, but I'm now a month out from being 22 and I can't believe it!!

I've grown and learned so much this year!! I am so thankful for all of the new friends that I have made, and for all of the love and support that I have received this year. I am grateful for all the adventures that I have had this year! I have learned many, many things about God's plan for me, and about who I am. 

I learned that God is always watching out for me. I learned that, in spite of my mistakes, He still loves me. I learned that, despite the fact that I couldn't forgive myself for the longest time, He never gave up on me. He still believed in me, and He had still forgiven me. I learned that He sends the best people in my life to come at times when I need them, even if I don't know that I need them. I learned that I have so many people who love me, and that God wants to make sure that I know that I am not alone, and that I am not unloved. I learned that it's important to have at least a few strong and sweet friendships with people that you can always count on–people besides the Savior. 

I learned this year that I am wonderful. I am funny. I am kind. I am loving. I am gracious. I am hopeful. I am optimistic. I am hard-working. I am talented. I am creative. I am determined. I learned that I am all of these things but I am NOT my anxiety. I am NOT my depression. I have anxiety, and I have depression. But they do not define me. They are not a part of who I am. They are just mental health illnesses that I have. It has taken me a while to figure that out, but I think I am finally beginning to understand the difference. 

I learned that I struggle with school, which was kind of a surprise, but I learned that I love the learning part of school. I learned that I really love being organized and making lists–it doesn't always happen haha but it makes my life much easier. I learned that my life is my life and that it's not anyone else's, and that I have things to learn and go through that others do not. I learned that I can do a lot more with my life if I set my mind to things. I learned that my worth is not defined by others. I learned that who I am is who I am, and that nobody can take that away from me. I learned that it is okay to say no. I learned that it is okay to ask for help–and it is okay to keep asking for help until you get it. I learned that it is okay to want something at one time, and end up not wanting it later. I learned that it is okay to change your mind. I learned that sometimes I accidentally hurt people, and that I want to do all that I can to take away the hurt, but sometimes I can't do that. I learned that sometimes, you have to be the bigger person and forgive, let go, and move on–even if it hurts. And I learned that other people can feel and do these things too! So I also learned that I am not alone.

These are just a few of the things that I have learned this past year. Wow! I can't believe I have learned so much! What have you learned this past year? What has been the biggest thing that shaped your life this year? Let me know in the comments! I'd love to hear what you guys learned this year!

I am excited for the New Year, and for all the lessons that I will be able to learn next year. I am excited for all of the adventures that I have to look forward to in the next couple of months as I am finishing up school! And I am excited for all the unexpected adventures that are coming my way in this new year! Life might not always go exactly as I want it to, but somehow whatever happens always works out in the best way! God is great, and I am so thankful for Him! 💜💕

Xoxo

Mattie

Life can't always be smooth sailing.

Life ebbs and flows like the waves on the seas. Sometimes it's calm, sometimes it's rough. Sometimes it's so blue, and sometimes you are so depressed, but sometimes it's so blue and you are so grateful.

You have to ride the waves, and be okay with the bumpiness and inconsistencies of life. It's important to wear your life jacket—for me, that's the Gospel. It keeps me afloat, and gives me life. And I also look to my lifeguard—my Savior. I know that if I sink, He will lift me up, and He will be there. He walks on the water, and He will never let me drown. 

This week was not the greatest. We had around 182 scouts to feed and so we were preparing food for like 300 people including staff and it was hectic and insane. But we made it through the week!! I was feeling very stressed this week and Friday night was kind of the climax of my stress but I have been feeling better now that all the scouts are gone. 

This week I was able to go on the Wilderness Survival Overnighter and I'm so glad I did!! It was such a beautiful nice and such a peaceful experience. I was able to think about a lot of things and it was good. It was very relaxing, which I needed this week. 

I can't believe I'm almost done working up here!! I go home in 13 days!! It's been a great summer. 

Serah said something today during her lesson that I loved. She said, "If the Lord wants to prepare His people, He sends them to the wilderness." And I just couldn't help but think, "That's me." I have really learned a lot this summer and I think I'm more prepared for some things than I ever have been before. I'm grateful for the opportunity I've had, and for the people I've met. I have come to love all the staff with all of my heart. They're all helpful, kind, funny, and sweet–and most of them are guys. ;) But seriously–they have taught me a lot and I really am so, so grateful for them. 

These last two weeks of camp are gonna be hard because I'm looking forward to going home, but I'm also really sad to be leaving. It's been an amazing summer, and I'm gonna miss everyone so much. 

I'm grateful for this experience, and for the lessons I've learned. I'm hoping that I will leave camp a better person than when I came here. I feel like I've changed a lot, but I also kind of feel like I am the same person. I hope that I have blessed the lives of those around me this summer. I have tried to be a friend to everyone, and I hope that at least I have been kind. 

I know God loves me, and I know that He blesses me every day. I hope that I am able to bless those around me for Him. 

I hope you have a great week!! Take a moment for yourself this week. I know that it'll bless you. God loves you!! :)

Xoxo

Mattie

Everything He did, He did for us.

I love going home. I am so thankful for the Christmas season. I love my Savior and am so grateful for His birth, life, and sacrifice. I would no be where I am today without Him. I have been given so much help and strength from Him, and He has sent me people I've needed–they've either been friends I've needed, lessons I needed to learn, or they've been a source of love, help, and strength. Sometimes they've been all three. I am so grateful for them though. No matter what I learned or gained, they were what I needed at the time. I wish I could understand...I wish we could all understand why we all have to go through hard and painful things, because sometimes it feels like they will never end and that there aren't lessons to learn from them, but I know that there is a lesson. Someday, you will know the answer. I know that you are learning things from each and every experience you got through. And you are becoming a better, stronger person for it.

Merry Christmas Eve! I hope you are able to remember the reason for the season. Christmas is a time to remember the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ. I am so grateful for His sacrifice and His willingness to come to Earth to be born to save us all. He was born to save us, He lived to save us, and He died to save us. Everything He did, He did it for us. I am so thankful for Him. I do not know where I would be without Him, and I do not want to find out.

I am grateful for His mother, and for her willingness to give birth to Him, and to teach Him how to be kind, and considerate, and compassionate, and loving. I am so thankful for Joseph, and for his willingness to teach Him hard work, and diligence, and strength. Because through these lessons to Him, I have learned how to be this way.

I hope you have a safe and warm and happy Christmas! God bless you!

Xoxo
Mattie

In trying to find me, God will be there.

Okay, I've done a lot of thinking in my spare time this past week as I've gotten ready for school to start, and I know it's only Saturday, and the time for my new blogpost is tomorrow, but I feel like this can't wait. I have to say it now. So here goes:

First things first–I always have WAY too much time on my hands hahaha :) Hopefully I'll be able to use it wisely this semester/year.
Second–I love things too hard. Ok, maybe not too hard, but I do love things an awful lot, and sometimes that is too much. Because when things change, it's hard for me to deal with them.
Third–I've realized that I can't always explain why I feel a certain way, or why it's hard for me, etc.

I'm not gonna lie–the first thing is just there just because three things are better than two things. The second one has an impact on the third one, however, and that last one is a little frustrating. Because if I can't explain it, then how in the world am I supposed to be able to figure out how to deal with it? The answer is that sometimes I can't.

That's it. That's the all knowing secret to the ins and outs of Mattie.

Sometimes I just. Don't. Know. And sometimes I just can't.

It's not something that I think I'll ever be able to explain or figure out in this life. But I promise you that I am trying.

I am trying to figure out why sometimes I get so excited about things.

I am trying to figure out why sometimes it's hard for me when things change–from something as simple as taking a different route to school to something as difficult as not seeing or talking to someone as often as you're used to.

I am trying to figure out why sometimes it's really easy for me to let go of me and just be outgoing and have fun, and why sometimes it's not and I just want to curl up in the corner and read a book.

I am trying to figure me out. Sometimes it's hard, sometimes it's frustrating (It seems I have, at the very least, two VERY opposite sides of me, which can be very hard to deal with).

I'm hoping that this year will be THE year. The year that I figure a lot of things out. I'm hoping that this year things will change for the better. I already am 97% positive that one thing has changed, and it has definitely been extremely hard (and at times, a little heartbreaking) but I think that, in the end, it will help me be more in the moment, and more focused. I have another thing that is changing and I know that it will be infinitely more difficult than the first thing, but I hope and pray that, in the end, it will help me be stronger, and be more sincere, and I hope it will help me cherish the people in my life better.

I know that things will be rough for a little bit while I get used to a new schedule, and new circumstances, and I'm sure that there will be some tears (I'll be okay though :D) but in the end, I will come out a stronger and better me, who is way more in control of her emotions (HA! Oops–I meant hopefully).

I know that God will be with me through this rough patch. He's been with me already. He's never left. I'm grateful for His hand in my life, and for His love and grace. I don't think I've ever needed Him more than while I've been away at school, dealing with new changes and new circumstances. I mean, yes, there was my super rough patch several years ago, and I needed Him then, and it was so hard, and He came through exactly at the right time, but this is way different. This is me trying to still get past that (I feel like I'm on the last hurdle and I can start sprinting to the end soon) and trying to grow up, and overcome it wholly. This is me trying to figure my life out, and where I stand, and who I want to stand with. God has placed people in my life that taught me lessons, and were blessings, and some who were both. And I am so grateful for the lessons I've learned, the blessings I've received, and the friends that I have made–I cherish them all. This is me trying to find me. I've had some trouble with that lately, I think, but I think I wasn't quite ready to find me yet. I wanted to, but I wasn't ready. This time, though...this time, I think I'm ready. This time, I can make the leap to finding myself. This time, I can do it. And God will be there.