Sometimes our physical adventures can lead to spiritual adventures.

I am so blessed and grateful for modern-day medicine! Here's an update on what could be considered one of the craziest weeks–if not THE craziest week of my entire 22-year existence.

The moments that change our lives are random and unforeseen. However, it is up to us on how they change us. An experience like the one I am currently going through–having appendicitis and being confined to my house–could break me. If I let it. But it can also make me stronger. Which is what I am trying to get it to do. I am trying to learn and grow from it. And I am trying not to let it break me.

Tuesday night (May 21st, 2019) I went to bed around 11:30/11:45pm after doing my homework because my stomach had started bothering me, and I thought that a night of sleep would help me recuperate. I woke up at 2:10am with the pain about the same or worse. I woke up my parents, and after about 45 minutes of the pain being the same or worse, my dad took me to the emergency room at the hospital around 3:15am. They drew my blood for some tests, and took a CT scan, and when the doctor came in around 5:30am, he said it was a good thing I listened to my body because I had early appendicitis. They gave me some morphine to help with the pain, and eventually they gave me a little bit of oxygen because the morphine caused my body to slow down so much, the machine kept thinking that I had stopped breathing. 🤣

May 22nd, 2019 - Me with my best friend oxygen

They moved me to a pre-op room upstairs, where I waited for surgery. Surgery kept getting pushed back because they already had a bunch of scheduled surgeries and I was just going to be fit into whatever time they could fit me in (during this time, I met a super cute nurse who had recently gotten back from his mission early and he was hoping to be able to go back soon but wasn't sure if he would. I think I told him it will all work out, but I was so sleepy and drugged up that I can't remember 🤣). By the time I got taken up for surgery, it was probably 10:30/10:45am and I had been at the hospital for about 7 hours. I don't remember anything after they helped me get up on the operating table. When I woke up in post-op, I had a really hard time keeping my eyes opened. They wouldn't let me leave until I could keep down some water and I could walk around a bit. I finally got home around 2pm and just crashed. My doctor said that I couldn't go to work for about five days, so I made sure that I got my shifts covered for Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, and I let my professors know I wouldn't be in class Wednesday-Friday. 

Everyone has been SO kind, thoughtful, caring, and loving as I have been recovering! I really appreciate all the love and well-wishes! I am very grateful for the love of my Father in Heaven. He has sent me quite a few angels at this time in my life–and I am so grateful for their love and well-wishes. I appreciate those who have been praying for me, and for those who have sent me sweet messages and even get-well baskets. I am so thankful that I only had to miss three days of school and work, since Monday is Memorial Day and everything is closed/canceled that day anyway. I am so thankful for all of the time that I have had to rest and heal my body. I am feeling a lot better today than I have been the past few days, and even though I am going back to work and school on Tuesday, I am not going to be 100% yet for probably quite a few more days at the very least. 

I am grateful for the reminder that I am not alone, and that my Savior is with me, and understands me. He understands the pain I have been going through, and the suffering. Jesus suffered SO MUCH. He bled from every pore. He was whipped, hit upon, spit upon, and had a crown of thorns placed upon His head. He carried His cross up the hill to Calvary upon His back that had open wounds from being whipped and beaten. He had nails pounded into His wrists, His palms, and His feet. He died of a broken heart. He suffered for all the pains, sorrows, sins, afflictions, and temptations of the world. He suffered for you. He suffered for me. I am so thankful that I have had my Savior to turn to and to depend on in my times of need. 

In the April 2016 General Conference, then-President Uchtdorf said, "If a man can take the ruins, rubble, and remains of a broken city and rebuild an awe-inspiring structure that rises toward the heavens, how much more capable is our Almighty Father to restore His children who have fallen, struggled, or become lost? It matters not now how completely ruined our lives may seem. It matters not how scarlet our sins, how deep our bitterness, how lonely, abandoned, or broken our hearts may be. Even those who are without hope, who live in despair, who have betrayed trusted, surrendered their integrity, or turned away from God can be rebuilt...there is no life so shattered that it cannot be restored." 

I love this quote. It reminds me of 9 years ago, this December, when the Provo Tabernacle caught on fire, and ten months later in General Conference President Monson said that we would use the Tabernacle to make another holy temple for the Lord. That is what the Lord does with us. He takes us in our brokenness and helps us to lay a new foundation–one that can help us become more of a holy temple for the Lord.

In Luke 15, Jesus gives the parable of the lost sheep, the piece of silver, and the prodigal son. Now, if you know these stories, you might be questioning how they apply to my experience this week. I'll explain. 

Luke 15:4-5 says, "4 What man of you, having an hundred sheep, if he lose one of them, doth not leave the ninety and nine in the wilderness, and go after that which is lost, until he find it? 5 And when he hath found it, he layeth it on his shoulders, rejoicing." 

In this parable, we are the sheep. Jesus is our Shepherd, and when we lose our way, we become the lost sheep. Now, this week, I didn't necessarily become 'lost' in the typical way we think of. I didn't stray off the path. I didn't fall away. But I did 'lose myself'. I had appendicitis. I had to go to the hospital. I had to take medicine that didn't always help me think clearly. I've been sleeping off and on for five days. I've had previous engagements that I had to cancel because I've been sick and recuperating. I kind of 'fell away' from the world for a bit. I've been homebound. I've felt alone, and lost. But my Savior has known where I have been the whole time. He has sent me angels, friends, ministers, and my family to 'find me'. To pick me up. To lead me home.

Luke 15:8-9 says, "8 Either what woman having ten pieces of silver, if she lose one piece, doth not light a candle, and sweep the house, and seek diligently till she find it? 9 And when she hath found it, she calleth her friends and her neighbours together, saying, Rejoice with me; for I have found the piece which I had lost."

In this parable, we are the pieces of silver. Jesus is the woman, and when we are lost, He does not stop searching till He finds us. In my pain this week, and in my sleeping it off, I might have become a little lost. I might have forgotten who I am. Whose I am. I might have forgotten that I have a loving Father in Heaven who cares for me. But He never forgot about me.

Luke 15:11-32 is a lot longer, so a few of my favorite scriptures from this parable are: "18 I will arise and go to my father, and will say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee, 19 And am no more worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thy hired servants. 20 And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him. 21 And the son said unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in they sight, and am no more worthy to be called thy son. 22 But the father said to his servants, Bring froth the best robe, and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet... 24 For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. And they began to be merry."

In this parable, we are the lost son. The prodigal son. I have heard that this parable should be called the parable of the prodigal sonS plural because even the son who stayed at home was also technically a prodigal son. Anyway, that is not the point of this parable in regards to my week. In regards to my week, I approached my dad and asked for help, much like the prodigal son who left. And my dad took me to the hospital, and gave me a blessing, and helped me get through this experience. 

One thing that I love about all of the parables that Jesus shares is how applicable they are to EVERYTHING. Until I was writing this, I never would have thought that I could apply the parables of the lost sheep, piece of silver, and son to an experience with appendicitis. But I can. And I did. And there is a lot more in our lives that we can apply these parables to.

I am grateful for my Father in Heaven, and for His love and support. I am grateful for my father on earth, who not only gave me a wonderful blessing last week right before my surgery, but a few weeks ago when I was struggling with school and life in general. I am grateful that I know that I am not lost to Him. I am grateful that I know that I am always within His sights. And I am grateful that I know that He loves me always, and has the greatest of plans for me.

Xoxo
Mattie

General Conference brings answers, blessings, and peace.

What a weekend it's been!! It was General Conference weekend!!! And there were a lot of messages shared that I definitely needed. 💜 And there were some changes to the Sunday meetings schedule that are going to have a wonderful impact on our church, I just know it.

I am so thankful for the love that our Heavenly Father has for us!! I am so grateful for the love that I have felt from Him this weekend!! I had many answers to prayers and questions that I've had, and I am just so overwhelmed with all of the love and knowledge that I've felt and heard. I'm grateful for my Father in Heaven and for all of the messages that I knew were just for me! The most amazing thing about conference is that everyone can find and hear messages just for them! The messages that we all hear are the same, but somehow we all get different things out of them. I love that about our church!

I am blessed to be able to to listen to and learn from our church leaders! General Conference is my favorite time of the year! God knows exactly what I need to hear long before I know that I'm going to need to hear it. Our leaders prepare for their talks long before conference. They prayerfully consider many topics, and they make sure that what they are going to be saying is pleasing to God. I am so blessed to have a loving Father in Heaven who cares so much about me!! He cares that I feel like I have no purpose, and so He inspires many of our leaders to help guide me, and answer my question: I do have a purpose! My purpose is to be God's disciple! My purpose is to help minister to my fellow brothers and sisters here on earth. I am here to share love.

Earlier this week I had an experience and wanted to share, so here's what I wrote:

Sometimes blessings come in disguise. You might be looking for a specific answer from God, but what you get instead is a prompting that–once you’ve followed it–results in the reassurance that you are doing His work. And you have a purpose. I’ve had a pretty interesting week, but I decided that I wanted to share messages with a few of my friends this week via text. I looked and looked through conference talks and the scriptures that I thought each person would need, and when I found one that resonated with me, I sent it to them, with a few comments of my own. And what happened surprised me, though in retrospect it shouldn’t have. Each friend responded with something like, “That was exactly what I needed, thank you”, and I can’t help but be grateful. I am grateful for my Father in Heaven, who showed me through a simple prompting just how much of an impact I make, and reminded me how I actually do have a purpose (I still don’t know how exactly to word said purpose 😂 but I do know that I have one). And I might not always see it, and I might not ever understand why I often feel like I don’t have a purpose or make an impact here on Earth, but I do know that if you ask Him to show you–if you ask Him for an answer, and for help–He will answer you. At the time that you need it the most, He will answer you. 💜💜💜💜

I know how to word my purpose now. My purpose is to be His disciple. My purpose is to share love. I am grateful for the prompting that I got this week to share some messages with my friends, and I am grateful for the blessing of receiving an answer to my purpose in life.

I am grateful for all of the messages and ideas that I have received this weekend through our prophets and leaders. There couldn't have been a better weekend to follow a rough week. I am feeling loved, blessed, wanted, needed, and full of purpose. I still have many answers that I need, but that's okay. I have what I need to get started, and I think that once I get started, more answers will come.

God is so wonderful. He blesses me, loves me, and reminds me that I do have a purpose, and that I am here for a reason. My life is unique–my story has never been told before–and He wants me to experience many things so that I can share my story with others, and so that I can empathize with others. He wants and needs me to be a blessing to others. I hope and pray that I have been a blessing to others in the past, and I hope that I can continue to be a blessing to others in the future.

God loves ALL His children!! I know He does!! He has a bigger plan for us than we can even see, I know it! We don't know everything about this world, about God's plan for us, or even about our purpose in life, but I do know one thing: We know enough. We do. I promise. I know that God is our Father, that He loves us (all of us–no matter what!), and that He wants what is best for us. Our idea of what is best for us is different than His idea, but He will bless us and help guide us to who He needs us to be.

I know that there are a lot of things wrong with the world, but I also know that there are a lot of good things right with the world. God has blessed us with the ability to choose for ourselves right from wrong. No one is perfect and we all make mistakes, but we can learn from our mistakes and start over.

God is great. I know He loves us, and I know that we are all His daughters and sons.

I'm grateful for the experiences I've had this weekend, and for the time I've spent with friends. I'm blessed to be surrounded by wonderful and loving friends, and that they are always there for me and are great examples to me.

Xoxo
Mattie

Every new chapter of your life will demand a different version of you.

It's been a stressful, sad, long, exhausting week. I finished my finals (stressful, exhausting) and packed and cleaned to move out of my apartment (stressful, sad, exhausting, long). It's bittersweet to be home for the summer–I'm excited for the new adventures I will go on, but I'm going to miss my friends. I love my family and I love spending time with them, but after living and spending most of my time with other people for two years, I am really, really sad that things won't be the same. It was really hard saying goodbye yesterday even though I know I'm going to see them again. It's hard to say goodbye to the people who have really been an influence in your life for the past two years, and it's hard to say goodbye to the people who have loved you, served you, cared for you, and blessed you for two years. I love them so much, and I am going to have a hard time not seeing them every day. Even though I need change in my life every so often, it's still hard. It's way harder than I like it to be, but I'm grateful that goodbyes don't have to be forever. 

I loved the messages in church today! Today we focused a lot on ministering, and service, and one of the speakers in sacrament meeting gave a list of three things that encompass the idea of ministering:
1. Being aware (of their needs, of those who need help, etc.)
2. Invitation (invitations of healing, friendship, places of safety/love, etc.)
3. Reach out in sacrifice and service (sacrifices of your time, food, etc.)

I loved this! Ministering just involves loving, and being considerate and aware of the needs of those around us. Ministering is motivated by the pure love of Christ. If you see a need, fill it. Just find a way to bless and love those around you.

I am so grateful for the people in my life who have been amazing examples of ministering! I've been on the receiving end, the giving end, and I've watched my friends minister to others and I am so blessed! I learn so much from them!

I am so thankful for my Heavenly Father. He has blessed me so much in the past year, and in the past two years that I have been at Cinnamon Tree. I am quite a different person now than I was not only two years ago when I first moved in, but also a year ago. And I know that that is for the best. I needed to be a different person at the start of last summer, but I also needed to change to be a different person now. Change is hard, but change is always something that needs to happen. I am always striving to be better today than I was yesterday. Sometimes I don't succeed quite as much as I'd like to, but I do know that I am trying, and that is all that God asks of me. He sends me people who will love me, listen to me, empathize with me, and help me to not only yearn to be better, but will help me try to be better. I couldn't ask for better friends to surround myself with. 

I am sad to have left Cinnamon Tree, but I am grateful for the life that I had there. I am grateful for the people that He placed in my life to bless me, and help me know that I am loved, and I am worth so much! I was so, so blessed to meet some amazing people, and I am so grateful to call them my friends! I love them so, so much! I can't even express how much I have loved being in this ward, and how much I am going to miss it. I'm going to miss my friends so, so much, and I already do. I'm beyond grateful for my friends and for their love and support. I can't imagine my life without them. And because of them, I know God loves me. Sometimes I might not feel it, but I KNOW that He does because He gave me friends and roommates that I needed. He gave me friends and roommates that love me. And He inspired them to serve me when I needed it. I am sometimes amazed when I think that He places people in my life just for me. He puts them in my life because He knows that I need them. And I am beyond grateful for that. I know that He really, really loves me, because I met some amazing people whom I absolutely love and adore, and they love me, too! I am grateful to have such a hard time saying goodbyes because it means that I love, and I am loved!

I hope you have a wonderful week! Life is so good! I am so grateful!

Xoxo
Mattie

P.S. A couple of weeks ago, my ward had a Spring Musical Fireside, and I am so, so grateful for everyone who performed their own musical numbers, and for those who helped in the choir! It was such an amazing experience and it was the perfect end to my calling as choir director. I was able to have it recorded for some friends who were unable to come, and it can be viewed here. The sound quality isn't the greatest (get ready to fiddle with the volume a lot... *facepalm* I'm sorry), and I apologize for that, but I think you can still feel the spirit of the meeting. Enjoy! :)

Be anxiously engaged in good causes, including your own development.

Well, it's back to school season! Tomorrow all of my siblings in gradeschool (except our little kindergartener) start school. Halie starts at MATC on Tuesday. And I start school next Monday. And this year is going to be way different for a myriad of reasons but one most specifically is that I will be rooming with five other girls and I will have a kitchen. I'm so excited but also nervous and I hope that this year will be a good one. I think that it will be good for me (it being different for a myriad of reasons) but we all know I'm an emotional person who sometimes can't deal–I just really hope that I'll be able to deal this year. Progress is progress, and I've been making a little progress this summer and I hope that it will continue over the course of the school year.

My thoughts during the sacrament this week:
This past week has kind of been stressful for me because I've mentally been so ready to move out for awhile. But it has worked out this week and I've got 99.99% of my things moved out. The last things to be moved out are me, my violin, and one or two other things, which will be happening tonight. I'm just grateful that this past week was full of fun times with a cutie pie that I was watching this week. :) I'm also grateful that this upcoming week will mostly be me finishing putting my stuff away, figuring out how long it will take me to get to campus, getting my books, and scoping out my classes. I know that most of my worries were just in my head but I'm grateful that my Savior was there to help calm me because sometimes it was extremely frustrating and difficult (as things usually are with me), but as I look back on my week, my worrying and frustrating moments were probably not even a total of an hour throughout the whole week. What a blessing that was. I can pinpoint specific moments of worry but they didn't last very long and soon after I was soothed by my Savior. I've had to rely on Him a lot these past couple of weeks and He has always been there. He's listened and He's helped me do things I wanted to but couldn't, or that I didn't want to but needed to. 

We had some high councilmen speak in sacrament meeting today.
Brother Jones talked about faith:
-Faith is a principle of action and of power. 
-Do we show faith in our Heavenly Father, even if we feel He has let us down?
-We sometimes need to experience a trial of faith before the blessings will come. And they will come.
-Choosing faith in our Heavenly Father's plan and in our priesthood leaders will bless us.
-All things are possible.
-We can do hard things if we exercise our faith by choice.  
I loved his message. Sometimes we have to choose faith. Heavenly Father will bless us because of our faith. 
Brother Scoresby talked about the difference between joy and happiness:
-There is a difference between joy and happiness. 
-Joy is when you help people. Happiness is apple pie. 
-We care about those that are lost and we need to find them and help them. 
-When we minister to others we need to:
-Be obedient. Because Heavenly Father will be able to trust you and will send His Spirit to help you. 
He talked about ministering, and how he had a formula, which is:
-Remember their names. 
-Love people without judging them. 
-Watch over them and strengthen them spiritually (one by one; personally). 
-Become friends with them and visit them often.
I loved how he described the difference between happiness and joy. 

In Relief Society we talked about marriage, an eternal partnership. 
Obviously I'm not married, nor am I dating anyone (seriously or at all), but I still listened and paid attention because someday it's going to apply to me, and in the meantime, it can help me know what to look for in a relationship. Here's a couple of my favorite things that were said:
-The Lord expects us to pray for guidance but also to act and go forward with faith. 
-God won't let us do something that isn't good for us. He'll let us know when we're not doing what's right for us. 
-We have to acknowledge how the Spirit speaks to us. We have to be so close to Him and realize how He speaks to us. 
-Sometimes we need to be still within ourselves and listen. 
-"Be anxiously engaged in good causes, including your own development."
-Our conscious effort, not instinct, determines the success. 
-Take it to Heavenly Father and listen to the Holy Ghost. 
-As we follow the Spirit, we will be led in our marriage and in our families. 

I know that this year is going to be different. I know that I'm ready, though, and I know that my Savior will be there for me. I know that sometimes I will have to exercise faith, and I hope that I will be able to make the right decisions. I know that I'm going to want to help others and make them happy, and that will give me joy, but I also know that this might mean that I will forget about myself. I hope to be able to remember to help myself, too. I hope that I will go on more dates this year, but if not, I at least hope to be able to make more guy friends and get more comfortable around guys. I know that I can turn to my Heavenly Father for help in all areas of my life, and I hope to be able to set a schedule this year and make more time for my personal scripture study.

I wish us all luck as this new school year begins. I love you all and hope that you will turn to your Heavenly Father. I also hope that you will know that I am always there for you whenever you need to talk–I will listen.

Have a wonderful year!

Xoxo
Mattie