Keep yourself anchored to God.

This week was kinda crazy but only because it's almost the end of the season and I'm so, so, SO tired!!

I had some deep moments this week. I wrote some poems about my summer here, and about my depression, and I was able to get a blessing Friday because of a horrible pain on the back of my head. 

I learned a lot this week, actually. I learned that you give something to this world that no one else can. In the blessing, Brian said that I've given a lot to this camp because of who I am, and the things that I've done, and he said something about the love I've given. After the blessing he also said I've changed a lot this summer. I do know that I have changed in at least a few ways, and I am so, so, SO thankful for this summer!! I'm grateful for this experience and for the love I've been able to feel from my Heavenly Father this summer!! I'm grateful for the people He's put in my life this summer and for the impact they've had on me!!! I hope I've had just as much of an impact on them!! 💜💜💜

I know that I've become more comfortable with being by myself. I also know that I've been working more on my testimony, and I know that God is there. I know that I've been trying to be kinder, and even though I've messed up a lot, I think on the whole I've been better about that. I've been trying to be healthier. I've been trying to better accept and understand myself. I've been trying to grow. I've been trying to be a better person, and I hope that I am at least a better person than I was at the start of the summer. 

I had an amazing experience and couple weeks ago on the Wilderness Survival Overnighter and I wanted to share the thoughts I had before I went to sleep. 

July 26: There is nothing like a peaceful night in the woods in a hammock. A light, cool breeze, the moon shining bright above you, a trickling brook or stream, and crickets off in the distance. So beautiful. A reminder of the existence of God, the beauty of nature, and that all the things I'm stressing about don't really matter in the long run. Life finds a way to correct our mistakes and bring us right where we're supposed to be. I thank God that I'm learning more and more this summer about things I need to improve in and on. He knew I needed this summer...He knew I needed a lot of the staff I've met here. He knew that a lot of them needed me. I don't know why, because I really don't think I'm doing anything out of the ordinary, but apparently it's a thing. Anyway, God knows what we need. Even when we don't. And sometimes we think He isn't speaking to us, but think about this: what if His way of speaking to you is letting you try and focus, and grow, and make goals, and try to improve yourself, and be kind to others. And sometimes when you look back, you realize He was there. And you realize that He prompted you. Sometimes promptings aren't obvious–sometimes promptings are just quiet little thoughts you have about improving or serving.

I've really been trying to understand this summer. I've really been trying to hear Him. I've been thinking about my plans after I graduate and I really have wanted to hear what He has to say but I haven't heard anything specific yet. And that's okay. I'm going to try to do some research when I get back home and then I'll try again. I know He's listening...I just need to have faith, trust Him, and keep going. 

I've been reading in 1st Nephi (for what seems like forever. I keep forgetting where I am so I think I've been rereading the same spot sometimes 😂) and in chapter 8, which is when Lehi is describing his vision of the Tree of Life, verse 30, Nephi says, "But, to be short in writing {every time I read this, I think, "Too late!" because it reminds me of the movie Clue 😂}, behold, he saw other multitudes pressing forward; and they came and caught hold of the end of the rod of iron; and they did press their way forward, continually holding fast to the rod of iron, until they came forth and fell down and partook of the fruit of the tree." The iron rod is the word of God, and as long as we press forward, clinging to His word, we will be okay. I've noticed the last couple weeks that my days are better when I've been reading. I've been trying to read my scriptures in the morning before work, and if that doesn't go as planned, then I'll read before bed. And it has helped me immensely. I've been at peace more, my mornings have gone smoother, and I've been able to feel and see His love every day.

I've been amazed this summer at just how much my Heavenly Father knows me, and knows what I needed. I totally could have not taken this job this summer. But I'm glad I did. I've learned a lot, and grown a lot, and I've found new ways to deal with things differently than I ever have before. And I'm full of gratitude and love for my Savior and my Heavenly Father, and for this beautiful world that we live in. 

"For depression has no power over me. 

—It comes and goes, as feelings do

And some days it is so deep

But I have found it's better to 

Feel it, and let it seep

Out, than to bury it, and to 

Let it grow. No one wants to reap

The depression you have sewn."

~Excerpt from A Labyrinth of Feelings, by Mattie Radke

This summer has been good for me. I've learned how to better deal with my anxiety and depression, and I've learned I'm not alone. 

I can't believe this week is my last week!! It's gonna be a bittersweet week but I'm going to try to make the most of it!! 💜💜💜

God loves you, and I do too!! Thank you for being you!! Have a great week!! 

Xoxo

Mattie 

Whatever He promises to you will happen in time.

You only get one life. You only get once chance to live. Are you going to waste it waiting for opportunities? Or are you going to make your own opportunities? Are you going to take chances, make mistakes, get messy? Are you going to try out for the job or audition for the part? Or are you going to wait for them to come to you? Are you going to take charge of your own life? Or are you going to let your life take charge of you?

I've been thinking a lot this week about the future. Mainly because I have no idea what I want to do with the rest of my life. But also because the whole idea of the future is odd, because it's equal parts intriguing and terrifying. It's intriguing because there are so many possibilities. It's terrifying because there are so many possibilities and I don't know which ones are going to happen, or when. However, as I was reading in 1 Nephi 3 this week, verses 7 and 16 stood out to me. 

Verse 7 is the one in which Nephi states that he knows "the Lord giveth no commandment unto to the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them." I love this scripture because it's a reminder to me that whatever God has commanded me to do, He will prepare the way. And whatever He has promised me...will come in time. 

Verse 16 says, "let us be faithful in keeping the commandments of the Lord". As we keep His commandments, He will bless us. And previously kept commandments make way for other commandments to be kept, and for other blessings to be given to us. 

Heavenly Father knows us. He really does. He loves us so much. He knows what we want. He knows what hurts us. He knows what makes us happy. He knows what helps us through our difficult times. He knows the best things for us. He wants what is best for us, but He also knows and realizes that we have our agency. So He doesn't make us do anything we don't want to do—He won't make us do anything we don't want to do. 

God blesses us and works in mysterious ways. It's hard not to jump ahead in the story sometimes, but we have to let it play out. Because sometimes it's not meant to go the way we want it to go. Sometimes it's meant to go in a different direction to help us get to the right storyline, the right path, and heading in the right direction. There's a lot that we don't know, and there's a lot that we can't control. So we just have to accept that. It's hard sometimes, but once you come to that understanding, and you are ready to move forward in your life with faith...then everything just starts to make sense, and fall into place. And sometimes you'll get a roller coaster of "Yes, this makes sense", "Um, what just happened?" "Oh, I see now", etc. And that's okay. Life isn't easy. It's not all puppies and rainbows. Sometimes there are thorns. 

One thing that I want is I want God to let me know that He understands me–that He knows what I'm going through, and He knows how I feel. I know that He does, but sometimes I just don't feel it. And I have been hoping and praying this week to feel it. And there were a couple instances, looking back, that I know He answered my prayer. I hope that I can see more answers in the upcoming weeks. 

I love my Heavenly Father so much. I am so thankful for all that He does for me. I'm so thankful for the opportunity to work at Bear Lake this summer. I know that there are things here I have to learn, or experience, and I know that I am going to grow this summer. I know that all of my coworkers are meant to be in my life right now. I'm so glad to call them my friends and I hope that we will have many more amazing adventures this summer. 

God loves you very much, and He is watching out for you every day. He knows what you are going through and He will help you through it if you ask Him.

I found this quote: "The struggle you're in today is developing the strength you need for tomorrow."  I really liked that. Everything we go through is helping prepare us for tomorrow, and the next day, and the next. Let it boost you up, and strengthen you. You'll be able to do many amazing things. I promise. 

I hope you have a great week!! I'm so excited! This next weekend I get to go home for the Fourth of July!! I'm so excited!! It'll be nice to be home for a couple of days! 

Xoxo

Mattie

He is proud.

Another second chance. Isn't that what we all want? I love this song by Hilary Weeks called, "Another Second Chance". My favorite part of the song goes like this:

"I've started over again and again, just to slip and lose my place
I'm ready to live my life for you
Please say it's not too late for me to change
It's hard to say how many times I've let you down, turning from your grace
I hope you can believe me when I say I'm ready to take your name so I can change
I wanna change
'Cause I have wandered down these broken paths that have lead to dead end roads
And I have walked past every single sign that pointed me back home
And I need another
I need another second chance"

I love the message in this song, and how much this song rings with my soul. I don't know about you, but so many times, I have made mistakes, and I've walked past the right path, and I've felt like I couldn't come back. Especially because I felt like I had already filled my quota of second chances. But that's not true. God is always willing to give us another second chance. He's willing to give us as many chances as we need because He loves us.

There were so many amazing things said in sacrament meeting today! :)
-Perfection is something we will never earn; it can only be given to us by the grace of God.
-We represent Christ by taking His name upon us and having His name on our heart.
-Cut yourself some slack, but aim for improvement.
-"I am not wicked when I have screwed up, or screwed up again, or when I ask for mercy."

Heavenly Father loves us. He is constantly cheering us on. He is proud when we try, and He is proud when we ask for help. He is proud when we recognize our mistakes, and humble ourselves, and repent, and ask for a second chance. He is proud when we look to Him for guidance. He is proud when we stop worrying about our own problems and help those around us. He is proud when we live in the moment. He is proud when we care about those in our lives. He is proud when we read the scriptures and pray, even if it is only for a short while. He is proud when we take time to ponder, and think. He is proud when we share our testimony–in words, or by how we live. He is proud when we change. But most of all–He is proud of you, no matter what. He is proud that you love. He is proud that you laugh. He is proud that you share your talents. He is proud that you are His.

I am so thankful for the lessons and talks today–I didn't really talk a lot about them today because I felt like I needed to go in a different direction, but I did really enjoy the lessons today. I am grateful for bright spots of hope in dark times of stress. I am grateful for my Savior, and I am grateful for my Heavenly Father. I am grateful for His love, and support, and especially for His grace.

I hope you have a wonderful week! God loves you, and so do I!

Xoxo
Mattie

Forget not and trust Him.

First week of the new semester is over! And I have all the classes that I want/need now! What a crazy week it was. But this weekend has been a wonderful weekend–I had the opportunity to babysit and it was so fun! A great way to end the stressful week.
I am grateful for the opportunities I had to learn this week–both intellectually and spiritually/personally. Hopefully this will be a fun semester! Maybe a little challenging, but I think I'm ready for it.
I am so excited! I am planning on making a trip to the temple grounds this week, just to sit and think, and I am so grateful that I live so close to temples.
God has really been blessing me lately with things I need, and reminders of other things, including His love, and others'. I am where I am for a reason. Even when I want to give up. I am here to learn and grow. 

Sometimes I question why I am even at college. I question what I am even going to do with my major (I still have no idea). I wonder if it would just be better for me to quit. But then I remember I am so close–three more semesters including this one (crossing our fingers)–and I just need to hold tight. It's been really hard this school year, but I've had the support of my friends and family, which has kept me afloat. And I remember that what I am learning really will help me in my life, considering that I want to be a mom and raise kids some day. Even if that doesn't happen in this life, I will always be in contact with humans, so it's really important to be able to understand our development, and how that works. Plus I find it fascinating, so it's nice to study something I'm interested in and find intriguing and love learning about.

Church was amazing today!
"Being one with Christ means applying the Atonement in every aspect of our lives."
Some ways to follow Christ: Trust, Learn, Do
1) Prov. 3:5-6. "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." 
--Feast upon His words
--Pray
--Serve others
As we do these things, we will come to love and trust Him more.
2) Learn of Him
--As we study His life we will be able to learn of Him, and better comprehend who He is. This will also help us better understand who we are.
3) Do as I do
--Submitting to the will of the Father
--Through the Atonement we can repent and be made clean again
--We must be active in using what Christ has given us to become like Him

-There's a balance between giving and receiving service.
-We have to be willing to be humble enough to accept service.
-Oftentimes we pray for help but our (spiritual) earls aren't tuned to hear what we need to hear.
-When we serve, we gain–we don't lose.
-There are people that care about us.
-"When ye (accept) the service of your fellow beings, ye accept (the service) of your God."
~>I loved this! Accepting the service from those around us is like accepting service from God. I don't think we ever think about it like that. We always think about it like we're serving God, and we are His hands, but we never think about it in this way.
-God watches us through each other.
-Both sides of service are important. We're all in this together.

In Gospel Principles today we talked about repentance. And I loved a few of the things we talked about:
-Be honest with the Lord and yourself.
-We are not going to repent perfectly. That's okay.
-Repentance is supposed to be joyful.
-Treat yourself with Christlike love.
-God wants to forgive us.
-Repentance isn't an event. It's a cycle. Something we do over and over again.
-Repentance is change. Thinking about how we can do better with Him.
-Don't listen to people who don't like you. (Satan)

In Relief Society we talked about President (Elder? I don't know anymore haha the transitional period of leadership titles is confusing for me) Uchtdorf's "Forget Me Not" talk in October 2011 to the Relief Society. There are five points that he makes, and I love each one of them because they are applicable to everyone at any and every point in their life.
1) Forget not to be patient with yourself.
-Everyone has strengths and weaknesses
-Keep working on your path to perfection and stop punishing yourself
-As long as you are doing your best, God will help you
2) Forget not the difference between a good sacrifice and a foolish sacrifice.
-"Am I committing my time and energy to the things that matter most?"
3) Forget not to be happy now.
-Don't wait for your 'golden ticket' to be happy
-Remember to notice the blessings you do have
-"Find joy in the journey."
-Accept the beauty of life now.
4) Forget not the 'why' of the gospel.
-Remembering the 'why' makes the gospel a joy and delight
-"Whatever you do, work with purpose."
5) Forget not that the Lord loves you.
-You are not forgotten. He loves you with an infinite love.
-If you ever forget or have trouble feeling it, pray and ask Him for confirmation. He will tell you.
-His love is always there, no matter the circumstances.

I had an amazing experience earlier this week when I was writing in my journals goal. Actually I had two in the past couple weeks. The first was that, "I realized that you can't change the past. You can't change what you've done. You can only move forward, make better choices, and try to fix it. Most of the time it will take time to fix it, so you have to be patient." And the second one was that, "I have to believe in myself. I have to believe that I can overcome and be strong. If I tell myself I'm just going to do it again, or that I'm going to fail, I won't progress in the direction that I want. I have to believe in myself." I have to be confident. Luckily that is one of my goals this year. I think I am going to make it my main goal this year. I need to be more confident. I have changed a lot these past few years in college, but I still have room for improvement.

We need to forget not that we have a Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother who want what is best for us. They love us so much, They wanted us to become just like Them, so here we are! We were sent down to earth to further our learning and experiences. And even though we passed through the veil and have forgotten the pre-mortal life, we need not forget! God is everywhere around us, blessing us, sending us tender mercies, reminding us, "I am here for you, and I will always be here. I love you."

He LOVES US.

I know that can be hard to understand and remember–I struggle with it at times–but then I remember the people in my life. My parents. My siblings. My grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends. I remember all of them and remember how blessed I am to have such a loving family and support system. And I remember all of the times that I needed to hear something, and they said just what I needed. Or they sent me a text or a note with exactly what I needed to hear. Or just spending time with them was enough. Whatever it was, I remember. I remember the days where I prayed and prayed for God to send me someone–anyone–because I was having a rough day and needed someone, and they came a few days later. Or a few hours later. In the moment of my rough day, I felt like God didn't hear me when I didn't immediately receive an answer. But He did. He always does. And when they came to me was when I actually needed them the most. We think that we know better than God sometimes, but in all honesty, we don't. He knows us better than we do, and He knows what we can handle and what we can't. And He knows what we need to experience to grow. We just need to trust Him.

I hope you have a wonderful week! Life is good!

Xoxo
Mattie

Despite what happens to you, you are still loved.

Lots of things can happen in the blink of an eye. You never know where life is going to take you. Or who's going to cross paths with you. You never know what kinds of experiences you are going to go through. Some of them are going to be easy. Some of them will be a little harder, but you can still get through them. Some, however, will be unbearably difficult, and you will think that you won't have the strength or capacity to go through them. These experiences (all of them) can be mentally or physically challenging. Satan is going to try so hard to get you to feel like you can't do it. He's going to try to make you feel unworthy, unloved, forgotten by God, and alone. Sometimes, he might succeed. Fortunately, we have a Savior, who loves us, and will always be there for us. He died for us so that we didn't have to be alone. He will bless you, love you, lead you, and guide you, if you'll let Him. He will take the pain, the loneliness–all those dark feelings–and replace them with peace, love, light, and truth. And He will never leave you alone.

Remember:

You are never alone.
You are always loved.
You are so blessed.

Life is going to change. That's life–that's the way that it works. Sometimes you're not going to want it to change. Sometimes you're going to be afraid. That's okay. It's okay to be afraid. But at some point you're going to have to move on. At some point, you're going to have to take a stand. At some point, you're going to have to look at yourself in the mirror and say, "(Name), you can do this! All of your worries and doubts and struggles and fears are all in your head! Life is so great and you can so do this! It's going to be just fine!" Sometimes you just have to pluck up the courage to do something about it. About feeling afraid. Feeling alone. Feeling lost. Sometimes it's all in your head, and sometimes you just have to get out of your head. I know, I know–easier said than done. But it's worth it.

Sometimes you are going to feel left out. Sometimes you are going to feel like you're interrupting, or annoying. Sometimes you are going to feel forgotten–by friends, family. I promise you that they're always thinking of you. You might forget that [they are thinking of you], but just know that they are. I know they love you. You have a Savior who loves you, too. And I know that He never forgets you. You are engraved upon His heart, and upon His palms, because He died for you. There is nothing you can do that will make Him forget you or stop loving you. You can always return to Him.

Life is...well, life is life. It can be crazy–and it is crazy. Things happen–circumstances and people change. But you are not alone. You don't have to go through it alone. There are people in your life who love you. I know that there are people in your life who love you SO much! I know this, because there are people in my life that I love SO MUCH I can't even...and I can't even imagine my life without them. They're a blessing to me, and I know that the Lord knew that I needed them...I hope, too, that they need me.

There are people in your life who need YOU. They need your influence, your love, your insight, your whole being. They need you. You might not know it now–or ever–but I promise that they need you. There is something that you have in your life/personality that they do not, and that they need from you.

You are worth so much. You are a son or daughter of God, and He loves you. He wants to bless you with what He knows you need and deserve. He knows your potential, and wants to help you see it.

You have a divine nature and are so loved. I promise you, you are loved by SO MANY. 

Xoxo
Mattie

You do so much good!

So, Friday morning I had the opportunity to go do baptisms for the dead in the Provo Temple. It was SO GREAT!!! It was just what I needed. I received a lot of answers and peace and it was just a great start to the day/weekend. I had a couple talks with one of my roommates at random times throughout the day and those also were exactly what I needed. She's awesome and I love her and I am so grateful that she is in my life! I honestly don't know how I survived without her! ;)

I've had some ups and downs this weekend but I've gotten through them. Life's a funny thing, isn't it? In the heat of the moment, you're like, "I can't do this! This is so hard!" But afterwards you're like, "Wow, I did it! It wasn't even that hard" (even though sometimes it was). And you just move on. :)

I have a few new goals I am hoping to be able to work on in the next couple of months or so, and it's not going to be easy. But I can do it! I have an amazing support system! :)

I'm so grateful for all the guidance I've received this weekend! Some of the guidance I received this weekend was definitely a blessing and an answer to my prayers–I am not forgotten! Nor am I alone and unloved. Sometimes in life, I struggle, and I falter, and I doubt, and I question, and I worry, but I get back up. Because I've felt the peace. I've felt the joy. I've felt the love. And there's no place I'd rather be.  ❤️

He answers you in unexpected ways.

Loved today's lessons. Not quite what I was looking for but they were still great. :)

My thoughts during the sacrament today were short but sweet:

I've had much better luck reading my scriptures and praying this week. Still not 100% perfect but I'm working on it. :) I am so grateful for my Savior and for His love and grace. This past week was weird and started off okay (I think...I don't remember) but didn't end quite as well. I hope that I will find answers today as to why things happened/didn't happened. 

I was looking for answers but didn't exactly get the answers I was expecting. I did get answers today but just not what I thought I would get or that I wanted.

The topic in sacrament meeting today was conversion, which is a great topic and I learned some new things.
-We need our Savior to change. We can only do so much by ourselves; we can't fully change in the way that our Heavenly Father knows we can without our Savior. 
-You have to be born again/converted in order to inherit the kingdom of God.
Three things in order to have personal conversion:
-Listen (to the prophets, Holy Ghost, personal revelation, etc.)
-Commit (commitment is often a mental process)
-Do (what's a commitment if we don't act?)
-As we're converted we'll find ourselves doubting less.
-What is your attitude through trials? Do you try to rely on the Lord, or do you complain that you have to go through it?
-Yield your heart to Him daily. Conversion is a daily lifetime commitment.

We talked about baptism in Gospel Principles today. Someone said something interesting that I'd never thought about before. We were talking about one of the reasons for baptism is for a remission of sins. Someone said that when she thinks about remission, she thinks about cancer remission, and how that means it (the cancer) may come back. And you need to take care of yourself. And the same is for the remission of sins–they may come back so take care of yourself. Keep trying. You can get better over time. Another interesting thing that I suppose I should have figured out by myself was that strait (as in the strait and narrow) doesn't mean "straight". It means like rigorous, an uphill battle. It will not be easy. But it will be worth it.

In Relief Society we talked about the doctrine of Christ. Which is:
-Faith in Christ and His Atonement
-Repentance
-Baptism and the sacrament
-Gift of the Holy Ghost
-Enduring to the end
A couple of things that stood out to me today were:
-repentance is a daily process. And we can't expect more for ourselves than He does.
-if we recognize following the doctrine of Christ is the only way, we will be more inclined to do so.

I definitely wasn't looking for answers in any of the topics covered today, but I found some anyway. Funny how that works. I received an answer more in the way I was looking for yesterday but I wanted more of a confirmation in that way today but I got a different answer instead. I'm blessed to have a loving Heavenly Father who knows what I need to hear, even when I was looking for something else. I'm looking forward to my scripture study and prayers this week, as well as trying to find peace. I'm grateful for my friends and family and for their love and support. Life just isn't as sweet without them, and I'm grateful to love and be loved by so many.

Xoxo
Mattie

Do everything in your power to do your part.

Today was our Stake Conference, which was great. I heard many things I needed/wanted to hear.

One thing that was so funny was one of the speakers (one of the Stake Presidency I believe, but I could be wrong) was talking about how he wanted to get a smokin' body and he said he told that to his wife who said, "Sweetheart, the only way you'll get a smokin' body is if you're cremated" and the whole congregation laughed and went "Ohh" as in "Ohh, burn." It was so funny!

Anyway.

Many awesome things were said today that I LOVED!
So, this talk was about marriage:
-Stop trying to find perfection.
-Do everything in your power to do your part.
-We cannot sit in our apartments or wherever and expect the Lord to bring them to us.
-Heavenly Father knows you and loves you. If you do your part He will direct you.

This talk was about building your foundation and faith in Christ:
-Build your foundation upon Christ.
-Go to Heavenly Father with a teachable heart (specifically when you go to Him with questions but also just always).
-Learn of the Savior–through study and prayer.
-You are engraven upon His palms. <3

-You are loved by Heavenly Father and are precious to Him.
-A testimony is not found over a pulpit, it is shared over a pulpit. It should be found in our own sacred places and in our own lives.
-Christ is the answer.
-Trust in the promise of the Lord.
-God is there. He will never leave you alone.

This talk was about finding Christ through gospel service:
-Matthew 16:24-25. Feed His sheep.
-Peace comes when we take up our cross and serve those around us, as He did.
This I thought was interesting: Anxiety is not an attribute of Christ. With anxiety, we are focused on ourself. Focus on those around you. With that, I know that it is hard. But I also know that when I focus on others, and serve and love them, I really do lose myself and I am not so anxious. I also know that with school, it's so hard to not be anxious about homework assignments and things, BUT some things you just have to let go and go about one day at a time. I know it's hard, but with your Savior, you can do it. :)

This talk was about conversion:
-There is joy when you stop doing what you want to do and start doing what Christ wants you to do.
-Turn and align yourself with God.

-2 Nephi 26:22
-We think we know best and we are not willing to follow the counsel of the Lord.
-Beware of pride.
-We need to be watchful in our lives. Don't let flaxen threads become flaxen cords.

-You are not here by chance. There is a reason you are here. 
-You are prepared to be here. You are among noble and great ones.
-The Lord loves you and is aware of you. Study your patriarchal blessing.

THIS TALK WAS SO CUTE, IT WAS MY FAVORITE!! It was Brother and Sister Childs, who are an older couple who were SO CUTE!!! It was adorable, and my friends and I were all like, "Relationship goals":
-Don't criticize your husband.
-Always keep God in your life.
I loved this: There's somebody out there for you. This is something that I always am thinking about; is there someone out there for me? And hearing it from Sister Childs was a blessing. She's such a sweet lady; I hope to be able to meet her someday. 

President Acerson said that "your value to Him does not change" and I loved that! It's a nice reminder that He will love you always.

Today was a great day full of inspiring messages. I'm blessed to be in such a great stake and ward. So excited to grow as a person this year!

I know that God loves you. He wants to help you return to Him. He sends you who you need when you need them. And He knows you SO WELL, I promise. He knows you. He knows exactly what you need. He loves you and wants to help you grow. So study your scriptures. Say your prayers. Turn to Him always. He is there, and He will help you. I know that you are never alone, and I know that you can always turn to your Heavenly Father and to your Savior. I am so grateful for them. This has been a crazy semester so far and it's only going to get worse but I have been able to keep up with all my projects and homework, for the most part. So blessed to have such a great apartment and friend group. I'm so thankful for my Savior and for His hand in my life. Here's to a great week for everyone!

Xoxo
Mattie

Things are going to get better.

This weekend was General Conference weekend!!!!

So happy to have been able to watch conference this weekend with my friends and roommates! It was a great weekend full of great messages! I am so grateful for our prophet, President Monson, and for his counselors, and for the quorum of the twelve apostles. I heard a lot of things this weekend that I needed to hear. There were a lot of repeats of "God loves you" and "He knows you" and I feel like those were specifically directed to me because I've been struggling a little bit with a couple of things and I just needed that reminder that He knows me and loves me and that I am not forgotten by Him. Other reminders that I needed were ones of "have faith" and remember to study and pray. I'm working on that one. :)

Also. Totally random. Just saw this on Facebook (and I shared it but I feel like this should be seen every week at least) and wanted to share. Sometimes we have rough times. Sometimes things don't go how we planned. Sometimes we think we want one thing and we end up wanting something else. Sometimes we feel alone and lost. But it's okay. We all feel like this sometimes. And guess what? That's okay. You're normal, and you're not alone. You're a wonderful person who is smart, strong, confident, loved, wanted, needed, and has so much going for them. Remember that things are going to get better, and that you can do it. You've gotten through all your hard days before. This one is no different. <3

God didn't bring you this far to abandon you.

It's been a good day! :)

Many great messages were shared today. :)

I had some thoughts during the sacrament meeting that I've never exactly thought about before but I'd like to share them:

We have very few, if more than one, sacrament hymns from the point of view of the Savior, but "Reverently and Meekly Now" is one of my favorite sacrament hymns in general. For some reason, it just makes it [the Atonement] more real to me. Jesus Christ is asking us to think of Him, and of His sacrifice for us. He asks us (well, implores us) to be obedient, prayerful, watchful evermore, and be constant unto Him so that He can be our Savior. He can't be our Savior unless we accept His sacrifice and try to be better. We can't be perfect here on earth, but we can try to become more perfect with His help.

Today was Fast Sunday (because next week is General Conference and the week after is our Stake Conference) and several things were said in people's testimonies that I needed today.
-He loves you. He will never abandon you; only you can abandon Him.
-He knows what we need–in everything.
-He asks us to sacrifice a broken heart and a contrite spirit. He sacrificed everything for us. We can trust Him.
-He is there. You can always rely on Him.
-Our trials don't have to be secret. We have people around us to help us. Through the Savior, we can be made strong (I'm here to help you! I've gone through some crazy things in my life and I will listen and love and not judge, I promise <3).
-Regardless of struggles we face, our Savior is there for us. As we strive to do the little things, they add up and we can receive the light we need/want.
-He feels as we do. He will never, ever leave us.
-He knows us, and He knows what we need.
-He can push the darkness away.
-"Pride is not the solution to shame but the source." Humility is the solution; we need to humble ourselves before Christ.

Went to Gospel Principles today, instead of Gospel Doctrine. It was perfect! We talked about faith. How you don't always know what's going to happen in your life but faith in God can and will help you come to know His plan for you. If we exercise faith, He will manifest Himself to us. Trust in Him and in His power. God has a plan for you. Have faith. Remember the little things.

In Relief Society we talked about Elder Gerrit W. Wong's talk in the April 2016 conference, "Always Remember Him". He has six things we can do to always remember Him:
1. By having confidence in His covenants, promises, and assurances.
–> We can do so much if only we trust in Him.
2. By gratefully acknowledging His hand throughout our lives.
–> There are many miracles in our lives everyday. We just have to look for them.
3. By trusting when the Lord assures us (D&C 58:42; Repentance)
–> There isn't a point of no return. We can be healed and fixed.
4. Remember that: He always welcomes us home.
5. Remember Him on the Sabbath. Especially with the Sacrament.
6. Remember Him as He remembers us.
–> He loves us and is aware of us and is always thinking of us.
-If we ever feel like we can't feel God's love for us, we can just ask Him.
-Isaiah 40:28-31 He will make up the difference.
-As we choose to remember Him, He will bless us.

I was also blessed to be able to watch the General Women's Session of Conference last night. So many great messages that I was so grateful for! Many were ones that I needed. Some of my favorite insights were:
-God is real. He knows you. He loves you. He will not forsake you.
-Faith comes to the humble, the diligent, the enduring.
-There are more ways to see than with our eyes.
-Our faith in Jesus Christ enables us to meet any challenge.
-Hope and healing are not found in the dark abyss of secrecy but in the light and love of our Savior Jesus Christ.

It's been a fantastic weekend full of things that I needed: people I wanted/needed to hear from, things I needed to hear, things I needed to say, things I needed to feel. I'm so blessed! This past week was kind of difficult because as the week progressed on, I felt worse (#beingsick #IFinallyGotIt) but after Friday during the day, it was good. I was able to get a lot of naps this week and so that was definitely a huge factor in my feeling better and of course, being spiritually uplifted this weekend was great. Can't wait for General Conference next weekend!

I'm so thankful for my Heavenly Father, who knows what I need, when I need to hear it, and who I need to hear it from. I found this picture of something that was said today and I loved it and thought that it was almost a perfect summary of the messages this weekend:

He didn't bring you this far to abandon you. He is right beside you, and He will help you. I'm so thankful for the messages that I received this weekend. I am going to do my best to listen and apply. I'm so thankful for my Heavenly Father and for my Savior. I know that I wouldn't be where I am today without Them. I know that They love you and will help you with whatever you need help with, from quitting a bad habit to starting a new good one, and anything else in between. They love you and I know that you can rely on Them to be there for you. <3

Xoxo
Mattie

Be anxiously engaged in good causes, including your own development.

Well, it's back to school season! Tomorrow all of my siblings in gradeschool (except our little kindergartener) start school. Halie starts at MATC on Tuesday. And I start school next Monday. And this year is going to be way different for a myriad of reasons but one most specifically is that I will be rooming with five other girls and I will have a kitchen. I'm so excited but also nervous and I hope that this year will be a good one. I think that it will be good for me (it being different for a myriad of reasons) but we all know I'm an emotional person who sometimes can't deal–I just really hope that I'll be able to deal this year. Progress is progress, and I've been making a little progress this summer and I hope that it will continue over the course of the school year.

My thoughts during the sacrament this week:
This past week has kind of been stressful for me because I've mentally been so ready to move out for awhile. But it has worked out this week and I've got 99.99% of my things moved out. The last things to be moved out are me, my violin, and one or two other things, which will be happening tonight. I'm just grateful that this past week was full of fun times with a cutie pie that I was watching this week. :) I'm also grateful that this upcoming week will mostly be me finishing putting my stuff away, figuring out how long it will take me to get to campus, getting my books, and scoping out my classes. I know that most of my worries were just in my head but I'm grateful that my Savior was there to help calm me because sometimes it was extremely frustrating and difficult (as things usually are with me), but as I look back on my week, my worrying and frustrating moments were probably not even a total of an hour throughout the whole week. What a blessing that was. I can pinpoint specific moments of worry but they didn't last very long and soon after I was soothed by my Savior. I've had to rely on Him a lot these past couple of weeks and He has always been there. He's listened and He's helped me do things I wanted to but couldn't, or that I didn't want to but needed to. 

We had some high councilmen speak in sacrament meeting today.
Brother Jones talked about faith:
-Faith is a principle of action and of power. 
-Do we show faith in our Heavenly Father, even if we feel He has let us down?
-We sometimes need to experience a trial of faith before the blessings will come. And they will come.
-Choosing faith in our Heavenly Father's plan and in our priesthood leaders will bless us.
-All things are possible.
-We can do hard things if we exercise our faith by choice.  
I loved his message. Sometimes we have to choose faith. Heavenly Father will bless us because of our faith. 
Brother Scoresby talked about the difference between joy and happiness:
-There is a difference between joy and happiness. 
-Joy is when you help people. Happiness is apple pie. 
-We care about those that are lost and we need to find them and help them. 
-When we minister to others we need to:
-Be obedient. Because Heavenly Father will be able to trust you and will send His Spirit to help you. 
He talked about ministering, and how he had a formula, which is:
-Remember their names. 
-Love people without judging them. 
-Watch over them and strengthen them spiritually (one by one; personally). 
-Become friends with them and visit them often.
I loved how he described the difference between happiness and joy. 

In Relief Society we talked about marriage, an eternal partnership. 
Obviously I'm not married, nor am I dating anyone (seriously or at all), but I still listened and paid attention because someday it's going to apply to me, and in the meantime, it can help me know what to look for in a relationship. Here's a couple of my favorite things that were said:
-The Lord expects us to pray for guidance but also to act and go forward with faith. 
-God won't let us do something that isn't good for us. He'll let us know when we're not doing what's right for us. 
-We have to acknowledge how the Spirit speaks to us. We have to be so close to Him and realize how He speaks to us. 
-Sometimes we need to be still within ourselves and listen. 
-"Be anxiously engaged in good causes, including your own development."
-Our conscious effort, not instinct, determines the success. 
-Take it to Heavenly Father and listen to the Holy Ghost. 
-As we follow the Spirit, we will be led in our marriage and in our families. 

I know that this year is going to be different. I know that I'm ready, though, and I know that my Savior will be there for me. I know that sometimes I will have to exercise faith, and I hope that I will be able to make the right decisions. I know that I'm going to want to help others and make them happy, and that will give me joy, but I also know that this might mean that I will forget about myself. I hope to be able to remember to help myself, too. I hope that I will go on more dates this year, but if not, I at least hope to be able to make more guy friends and get more comfortable around guys. I know that I can turn to my Heavenly Father for help in all areas of my life, and I hope to be able to set a schedule this year and make more time for my personal scripture study.

I wish us all luck as this new school year begins. I love you all and hope that you will turn to your Heavenly Father. I also hope that you will know that I am always there for you whenever you need to talk–I will listen.

Have a wonderful year!

Xoxo
Mattie

Remember and hold on to what you know and believe.

The other week I was just thinking about how I still don't know what I want to do with my life. It was making me nervous and unsure, and I mentioned it to my friend last night and she said that that's okay. It's okay not to know; I have my whole life ahead of me. And I really needed to hear that, and I'm so glad it came from her.

I was blessed this weekend with the opportunity to spend time with a bunch of little kids–I babysat for two different families Friday and Saturday night, and today I was able to sub in the nursery at church. :) It was so great! The kids were so cute!!

A couple weeks ago, I started doing something while reading my scriptures. I randomly open my scriptures and start reading until I find a verse that stands out to me. Then, I write that verse down in the front of my scriptures. The first one I wrote down? Moroni 7:33. "And Christ hath said: If ye will have faith in me ye shall have power to do whatsoever thing is expedient in me."

Faith.

Lately I feel like that's what I have been focusing on in my blog or thinking about: Trusting and having faith in my Heavenly Father and my Savior. Maybe it's something I need to work on. I haven't exactly ever had trouble with it, but sometimes I think I have forgotten. Maybe that can be (one of) my summer project(s): remembering it and holding on to it. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland addresses it best: "In moments of fear or doubt or troubling times, hold the ground you have already won, even if that ground is limited." :)

During sacrament meeting, I was thinking about the song we had sung to prepare for the sacrament. It was "He Died! The Great Redeemer Died", and I wrote this in my notebook:
He died for me. He loves me so much He died for me. Through all of my mistakes, He has loved me and been there for me. I know I'm who I am and where I am today #BecauseOfHim. <3

I know God loves me, and I know He's watching out for me. He knows exactly what I need, when I need it, and He knows when I need to hear something from someone specific. He knows where I'm going, and He knows how to help me get there. So thankful that He sent His Son, and so thankful that He blesses me with great friends and people in my life who love me, believe in me, and want what's best for me, just like He does. And I know that the same applies to you. He loves you and He knows you, He believes in you, He wants what is best for you, and He knows what you need and when.

He will never give up on you! You are too precious to Him. <3

Don't forget.

I have been thinking about what to write for a little while. First, my idea was to write a poem. That is still an option but I can't think of what to write, how to start it, etc. Now I'm at an impasse.

So, as I said, I've been thinking for awhile...

And I want to say this:

Don't forget.
Don't forget you are needed.
Don't forget you are loved.
Don't forget who you are.
Don't forget whose you are.

You are a divine child of God.
You are His child.
He made you!
He loves you.

Don't forget your divine nature.
Don't forget your worth.
Don't forget why you came to this earth.

Don't forget to be–
Be you,
Be kind,
Be grateful.

People are imperfect.
People have moods.
People will come and go.
But God is perfect.
God is always constant.
He is the same yesterday, today, and forever.
He will always be there for you.
He will always be with you.

So please don't forget:
Don't forget whose you are.
Don't forget to be you.
Don't forget that God will always be there for you.
~"Don't Forget" by Mattie Radke

I know that He loves you. I love you, too. You are precious to Him and He sent you here for a reason. He knew that you were needed here. Someone needed to meet you, or to learn from you. Someone needed you. In order for them to become their best self, they needed you. So don't forget that you are needed and loved. Because you are.

Strength.

This week my quote is, "You are stronger than you know." I needed it for a different reason than I will give but it's a powerful quote. These next couple of days/weeks will be interesting and busy. Finals are coming up soon, and in my two smaller classes, that means final projects, too. But I can do this!! I just need to use my time wisely. It's not impossible. I'm stronger than I know, and I'm more capable than I know. And that goes for you, too. You are stronger and more capable than you know. And I believe in and support you. Don't forget to turn to God when you need to. He loves you, so He'll help you. And if you feel you're not strong enough, turn to Him. He'll give you the strength that you need. :)

A message about life and love. I hope.

I know I already posted today, but I need to post this. I had a headache today (shocker, I know) and I just didn't know why. And earlier today (around 4) something so extremely small happened that made me a little sad (I don't even know why; it was so stupid). And then I had a meeting about my calling, which is Compassionate Service and I was like, "Okay, it's all good when I get to pray for and serve others and be compassionate towards them, but what about when I need compassionate service?" And I hate asking people for help like that because I'm really blessed because I don't have things as bad as others. And so I decided to watch something, and I was, until like 40 minutes ago when I decided that maybe walking would help get rid of my headache. So I got up and I was looking at Facebook and one of my friends liked a post I had shared and written yesterday. I was looking at it and I was like, "Oh my gosh, I needed that!" And I almost started crying but I walked around in circles a couple times (strangely, this tactic works sometimes for different things like trying not to stress or cry. I don't know why) and decided to walk downstairs. Did you know it's really hard trying to find a private spot in a dormitory hall where there's hundreds of girls living? Like, the only private areas are the practice rooms downstairs. ANYWAY. So I decided to come downstairs, which is where I am now. And then I decided to turn on my church/inspirational playlist and read my scriptures. But when I opened my LDS library app, a song came on that made me start sobbing. I just started sobbing (and it was awful to listen to because I sob weirdly when I'm trying not to sob really loudly and so I tried not to sob so much but that just made it sound even more awful) and so I turned to the section with texts about Jesus Christ. And I read The Living Christ, or the prophets and apostles' testimony of Jesus Christ. And this song ("Take Me There" by Hilary Weeks) was just describing exactly how I felt and what I needed and wanted and it made me cry more, but as I kept reading The Living Christ my tears stopped streaming down my face. I know He lives. This world we're living in—it's getting really bad, and it's making me sad for everyone who's hurt because of bad decisions made by other people. I wish I could just wrap all of those people who are hurting in a big hug and I wish I could make it all better. But I can't. Maybe...maybe I'm supposed to serve a mission, to spread His message of love and peace. Until this moment, I never actually felt a burning desire to serve a mission. It's always been something that wasn't really a part of my plan and I thought that was it (oh gosh, here come the tears again). Maybe I need to ask God again. Maybe I need this. But I'm scared. I'm not gonna lie—the thought of serving a mission has always frightened me. I'll have to ponder on that some more, I think. ANYWAY. Back to how I wish I could wrap everyone in a big hug. I personally cannot. But because God is real, He can bless them. I know everyone is always like, "How can an all-powerful God let bad things happen? How come so many people die because of cancer, or terrorists?" First I have to say this: I'm so sad about the way that our country (and the world) is going. People aren't as trusting in or believing in God. And it's so sad to me. I know I haven't been as studious with my personal spiritual growth (weird, right? You'd think at BYU it would be easier) but I still believe in Him. I love Him, and I know that His plan is just too grand for our human brain to comprehend fully. I don't know everything but I do know that God loves us. I do know that He sent His Son—Jesus Christ, our Savior and Redeemer—to die for us. He DIED. Can you comprehend that? He did absolutely nothing wrong, and yet they crucified Him anyway. He atoned for you and He suffered for EVERYTHING. All of your pains—heartaches, afflictions, wounds, headaches, bumps, bruises, etc.—and all of your worries and stresses and He suffered for your sins. All of them. All the little ones, and all the bigger ones. He bled from every pore of His body sweat like drops of blood. He was in agony. And someone brought this to my attention today: Luke 22: 44 And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly: and his sweat was as it were great drops of blood falling down to the ground. He "prayed more earnestly". What should we do when life gets tough? Get on your knees (if you can) and pray. God doesn't always answer our prayers exactly the minute we demand an answer. Sometimes it takes awhile. But "for those who embrace the Gospel of Jesus Christ, they come" (Elder Holland). Answers and blessings will come. You just have to have faith. I know I'm just a girl from Utah and you're probably going, "Oh, what does she know?" But I am telling you: He will answer you. He will bless you, and He will help you. I promise. I don't know everything about history, or math, or science. I don't know why some people do the things they do. But people are human. We make mistakes. And we are imperfect. But I know that He loves you, regardless of your mistakes. He does not condone the sin, but He loves you and He blesses you and He sends people to you to do His work in His place because He can't personally be here. I know He lives. I know He loves you. I promise He will help you. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen. 

Sometimes there are hard days.

I'm not gonna lie: sometimes there are hard days. Sometimes they are really, really, really hard. Sometimes weeks are really hard, too. But I know that God will be there. I know that as long as I do my part, I won't have to do it alone.

Sometimes, the hard days are just emotionally hard. I'm so glad that I can turn to my Heavenly Father for comfort and peace, and that He will assure me that it is going to be okay. I know that He loves me, and I know that He wants what is best for me. Right now, I don't really know what that is. And that is okay. I know that He knows what He is doing, and I know that it will all work out in the end.

I'm grateful for my Savior, and for all that He has done for me. This weekend was kind of emotionally taxing, as you probably know from my previous blog post, but after I turned to my Savior, I was able to feel comfort, and I was able to rest. And I know that He can help me rest when I need it, and I know that He will help me finish whatever I need to get done, and I know that He loves me, and I know that He loves you. And I hope you never forget that I love you, too.

These are just some uplifting pictures that I love and wanted to share with you. :)

Sometimes we just need to remember that we are
children of God and that He loves us no matter what!!

I'm so glad that He is always with me. :)

He is our Lifeguard, and He walks on water.

You are precious.

I just wanted to post something today. Don't know why. And I don't know why I thought of this. It's kind of cute and it's very inspiring, in my opinion.

SERVICE is spelled "L-O-V-E"

LOVE is spelled "T-I-M-E" 

TIME is spelled "P-R-E-C-I-O-U-S"

PRECIOUS is spelled "Y-O-U"

As I've been thinking about this cute little poem that I created, I've been thinking: You are so precious to Him, He sends people to serve you, and love you, and spend their precious time with you, a special child of God. That is how much He loves you. That is how much He cares. 

He loves you.

During the sacrament today, I just kept thinking about the fact that Jesus Christ died for us, but He also died for me. He suffered for me. If I had been the only person on earth, He still would have suffered and died for me. He loves us that much. No matter what you do, He will always love you. You can always turn to Him. He will never leave you, nor will He turn you away. He loves you so much. He loves you so much that He will send you people when you need them! He loves you so much that He will bless you beyond anything you've ever imagined.

Today was fast and testimony meeting, and a lot of people repeated the phrase, "I know we're here for a reason." It was just reassuring to me to know that I am in the right place, and there's a reason why I'm here. I don't know the reason yet, but there is a reason. One of the guys who bore his testimony said that, "It's our choice." It's always our choice–we're all adults and it's our choice as to whether or not we go to church, or go to class, or do our homework. It's our choice, but we don't get to choose the consequences of our actions. 

Sabrina (my roommate) and I gave a lesson in Gospel Doctrine (my first lesson ever), and we talked about switch points in our lives, and how they can change our lives. President Hinckley gave a story about switch points:

"Many years ago I worked in the head office of one of our railroads. One day I received a telephone call from my counterpart in Newark, New Jersey, who said that a passenger train had arrived without its baggage car. The patrons were angry. We discovered that the train had been properly made up in Oakland, California, and properly delivered to St. Louis, from which station it was to be carried to its destination on the east coast. But in the St. Louis yards, a thoughtless switchman had moved a piece of steel just three inches. That piece of steel was a switch point, and the car that should have been in Newark, New Jersey, was in New Orleans, Louisiana, thirteen hundred miles away” (Elder Gordon B. Hinckley in Conference Report, Oct. 1972, 106–7; or Ensign, Jan. 1973, 91)

We talked about a lot of things that can be switch points in our lives, like the relationship between you and your spouse and God, the Sacrament, Spiritual Gifts, and the Resurrection and the three degrees of glory, and how they can be positive or negative switch points in our lives. It's amazing how a few inches (in the case of President Hinckley's story) or a small event/action in our lives can change it, for better or for worse. It was a really good lesson; there was a lot of participation, which was great. :)

I just want you to remember this:

He

     Loves 

           You

I know that He loves you. I know that He will always love you. I know that He will bless you and send those that you need to you when you need them. I know that, as you pray and read your scriptures, and begin to serve others, you will be able to feel His love more. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ amen.

Letter of gratitude and love.

Dear Reader,
If you're reading this, this either means that you are either a friend, or a family member, or a nice random person who follows my blog. [If you're the latter, thank you so much! :)]

Today is Saturday August 22nd, 2015. I know it's late, but I realized earlier today that this weekend is my last weekend at home!! I move out next Wednesday.  You may question: Am I super excited? Can I wait? Am I a little sad? (Answers to come shortly)

Before I go, I have to say something (I was going to post this Tuesday night/Wednesday morning, but I couldn't wait).

18 years is a long time. I've lived in five homes, two of which were in Provo when I was little, and two of which were in Orem up until I was 14 years old. The most recent home is here in Lehi. Though I do not really remember the homes in Provo, I most definitely remember the Orem homes and, obviously, Lehi. I've been to four schools, two of which were in Orem and two of which were here in Lehi.

In all that time, I have met so many people. They have all taught me so many things. If you would like to read a detailed version of my gratitude for people in my life, click here. I should mention that it is literally detailed. It is way, way, waaay long, and if you don't want to read it after you look at it, I don't blame you. But just in case you want to, it is there for you.

Now–I am so, so, so grateful for everyone in my home neighborhoods–both Lehi and Orem. I have learned so much and grown so much because of all of the people that I have come in contact with. Everyone has taught me a valuable lesson, whether they knew it or not–whether I knew it or not. I have had so many angels in my life, especially within the last three or so years. They have been anchors and strengths to me, and I'm so grateful for them. I never knew that so many people could touch my life in so many different ways, but it's possible. <3

I have never felt so much love for all of my friends and family until now. There are so many things I'm going to miss.

I'm going to miss getting together with my girl friends whenever a school dance was coming up and having a movie night. We had such fun!! I love those girls so much!!
I'm going to miss getting to be around my family all the time.
I'm going to miss getting to watch Porter and Lander grow up.
I'm going to miss lunchtime. I pretty much was a bouncy ball, traveling to friends because I wanted to see them and I missed them. (Also because I was literally bouncy. It's so much fun!)
I'm going to miss young women's. I love those girls so, so much!! They're all such sweethearts and they're going to be amazing mothers someday. <3
I'm going to miss seeing my friends every day/every other day. You get used to seeing them so often very fast, and when it's suddenly not happening, your world turns upside down. It's quite disconcerting.
I'm going to miss knowing people everywhere I go, or mostly everywhere I go. BYU is a big school, and I'm probably not going to see people that I currently know all that often, so I'm going to need to make new friends (which is hard for me. Please pray for me).
I'm going to miss my dad's weird sense of humor.
I'm going to miss all the times that all of us kids get along together, and we watch a movie, or quote a movie together, or have a singing/dancing session/marathon, or when we just talked and laughed.
I'm going to miss babysitting all the cute kids in my ward. They're so cute and I always enjoy watching them because they're so cute!!! I'm going to miss that.
Most of all, I'm going to miss having my mom around.
I'm going to miss her always being right there for me when I need her.

To answer your questions: Yes, I'm super excited, and yes, I can't wait, but yes, I'm a little sad.

Life is going to change so much for me in a few days.

Sometimes I'm ready for it.

Right now?

Right now, I'm going to miss what I have now, but yes–I am excited. Though I will be having to adjust to new changes, there is one thing that I do not have to adjust to. Because one thing that is never going to change ever is my Savior. He will always be with me. He will always be there for me, and He is always going to love me. I know that I don't have to get through this without Him, and I'm so grateful for that. I love Him so much and I know that He loves me.

Thank you for always being there. Thanks for reading, thanks for being supportive, thanks for the love, and thanks for being my friend. Please, don't ever forget me. I'm always here for you, even if we never talk. Thanks for everything. <3

Love,
Mattie

If you do your best, He will make up the rest.

I finished packing most of my clothes today!! A lady in my ward came over and helped me, and we fit a ton of stuff that I wouldn't have been able to fit into my suitcase had I done it by myself. I have a few pieces of clothing that I will be packing in a smaller suitcase, along with a lot of the stuff that I am currently using. 

I decided yesterday that the wait is mostly what's killing me about this big new step called College. 

Now that I'm pretty much done with most of my packing, I'm feeling very excited about moving. It's weird because school doesn't start until the 31st, but I move out next week, and it's especially weird because I keep thinking about it in two different mindsets: a) school doesn't start till the end of the month; and 2) I move out next week. It's all very confusifying. I don't even understand it myself.

Anyway...

Tonight I was reading in Jarom and it says in the first chapter and ninth verse that, "Inasmuch as ye will keep my commandments ye shall prosper in the land." This means that you will be blessed for keeping the commandments. I know that this is true. I've seen it in my own life, and I'm grateful that the Lord blesses me for trying to do my best. 

When I fail (because I do fail; often, actually), I get really sad and kind of mad at myself. Why? Because I know that I: 1) hurt someone in the process (either myself or someone else, and the Lord); and b) disappointed not only myself, but my Savior and my Heavenly Father. I'm trying really hard to do the best I can, but sometimes I fall short. It's comforting to know that if I do my best, He will make up the rest. I know He loves me. I know He died for me and for you. I know that He will help you with anything you need help with. I know that He is always there for you. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.