Trusting in God can be hard.

I thought last week was going to be crazy. And it was crazy, yeah, but I swear this weekend has been more crazy than every day last week combined. Not only did I work Friday afternoon like normal, and Saturday night like normal, I had to work today, too. We were done by 7:30, which was great. This morning I was SO EXHAUSTED. I don't know why. I went to bed at a relatively decent hour after I got home from work and did some more homework. Still so tired. I took a nap before work today. Still so tired. Plus a pulsing headache (probably from stress+tired Mattie). And even though I did a ton of my homework Saturday I still have a ton to do tonight. I just wanted to get my blogpost out of the way so I don't have to worry about it. :)

Church was great, apart from me being tired.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about who I am as a person, and where I'm going–now, and in the future. While I have hopes and dreams of where I want to be, I know that my plan is just that–a plan. And plans, when made by men, fail. God's plan does not, and I am so thankful God has a plan for me! I'm not entirely sure what it is yet, but I have hopes that the plan I have is at least similar to God's plan for me. Everything has been falling into place for this major. Even if I don't get in this fall, I have a plan to get my grades up and try to apply again next year for fall 2018. I have felt really, really good about this major/plan, which is more than I've felt about anything, including my major plans for last year. Last year, I had no clue on what I wanted to do, and no plans. This year, I still have no clue, but I do have a plan. Trusting in God can be SO hard at times, but He knows what I need, and He knows what I can handle. ❤️

I've come to several conclusions this weekend about parts of myself that I've been working on, and I'm proud of myself because they've been really hard things for me to work on and I'm making a lot of progress, thanks to my Savior. I haven't always been able to work on these things super well, but because I've been thinking more about my Savior, and trusting Him, it's been easier.

One of the last things that was said in Relief Society today was something that I really needed to hear. It was, "He [Heavenly Father] loves you and is proud of you for what you've accomplished." I am so thankful for the ladies (and guys, but this was Relief Society) in my ward who are in touch with the Spirit and who are able to relate to me what my Heavenly Father knows that I need to hear. ❤️

Heavenly Father knows you, loves you, hears you, and answers you. He will always be there to support you. 

Hope everyone has a great upcoming week. I love you all! 

Xoxo
Mattie

"Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured."

Something I have been thinking about lately is "alone time". Mainly because I feel like I've had a lot of it recently, but also because I'm never alone. Not really. I always have my Savior, and the Spirit, as my companion. Sometimes, even when I'm surrounded by friends, I feel alone or left out...it's not on purpose, it just happens. But these moments are great because I get to watch my friends talk and laugh and have fun and it makes me smile. I love watching them enjoy themselves. It gives me a chance to just live in the moment for awhile, and to just be. I'm glad when it happens because it's often when I needed to take a step back and gather myself together. I'm grateful for my Savior, and for His love and mercy in my life. He is always there and He knows what I need and when.

I LOVED sacrament meeting today! Brother and Sister Durfey spoke to us and I heard so much that I needed to hear. They're super great and so sweet and I love them. Here's a few of my favorite things that were said:
-Sin robs you of peace. It takes the Spirit away.
-God will put you where you need to be.
-The sooner you stop comparing your life to others', the sooner you will have peace in your life.
-It does not matter what you do, it matters who you are.
-Living the gospel makes it possible to live a life without regrets. (Sister Durfey said that even if it turns out that this gospel is wrong, she won't care, because living the gospel has made her a better person).
-If you can serve every day, it will make you happier (I already knew this one ;) )
~Our trials and challenges are made for us–to help us change, and become stronger, and test us.
~Satan uses doubt as a tool to distract us.
~Heavenly Father loves you and will never abandon you.

In Relief Society we talked about cultivating an attitude of happiness and a spirit of optimism, and here are a few things we talked about that can help:

1) Rather than dwell on our problems, we can let a spirit of thanksgiving guide and bless us.
• 2 Nephi 5:27: And it came to pass that we lived after a manner of happiness (emphasis added). They lived in such a way that happiness could come, even in times of trials or challenges.
• Let your problems be. Admit that they are, and they're hard, but let them be. Don't focus on them.
• If you're worrying, or have anxiety about things, you're not trusting the Lord. Put more trust in Him–things will work out.
• Recognize that God is there. 

2) The gospel of Jesus Christ gives us a reason for gladness.
• Try to look at things with an eternal perspective, and ask yourself if this is important or relevant to your eternal salvation. If the answer is no, let it go.
• Enjoy and endure life. President Hinckley said, "Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured." But we do have to endure to the end, don't forget. Heavenly Father loves us and has a plan for us that is going on, but it's not over yet.

3) With knowledge that we are all children of God, we can stand a little taller, rise a little higher, and be a little better.
• Have faith. We're all learning and growing.
• We have the capacity to be and do more than we are.
• Focus on who you are, regardless of where you are in life.

I'm not going to lie, being positive and optimistic all the time can be hard sometimes. Sometimes I'm not, and that's okay. But you have a choice to either be positive and optimistic most or all the time, or to be negative and pessimistic most or all of the time. It is your decision. But it will affect your life either way. In choosing to be positive/optimistic, you will see the better side of life, despite challenges and trials that may come your way. You will have the opportunity to see and recognize all the tender mercies. In choosing to be negative/pessimistic, you will have a hard time seeing all the good in your life. You will not be able to see or recognize the tender mercies in your life. That is not what life is all about! Life is supposed to include happy parts–fun outings with friends, family game nights, going on a date, having a relaxing night in. Life is supposed to encompass both ends of the spectrum, and it's not supposed to just be a ball of negative happenings.

I know that it's hard sometimes to look on the bright side of things. It's hard to be happy sometimes. That's okay. It's important to try, though sometimes you won't be able to look on the bright side or be happy, and that is okay. We're not perfect, and our lives aren't, either. But as you try to be optimistic, I know that you will be blessed. You can also ask your Heavenly Father for help to be optimistic. He loves you and wants you to be happy. Remember that you are loved and that things will get better in time–I promise. <3

Xoxo
Mattie

Remember and hold on to what you know and believe.

The other week I was just thinking about how I still don't know what I want to do with my life. It was making me nervous and unsure, and I mentioned it to my friend last night and she said that that's okay. It's okay not to know; I have my whole life ahead of me. And I really needed to hear that, and I'm so glad it came from her.

I was blessed this weekend with the opportunity to spend time with a bunch of little kids–I babysat for two different families Friday and Saturday night, and today I was able to sub in the nursery at church. :) It was so great! The kids were so cute!!

A couple weeks ago, I started doing something while reading my scriptures. I randomly open my scriptures and start reading until I find a verse that stands out to me. Then, I write that verse down in the front of my scriptures. The first one I wrote down? Moroni 7:33. "And Christ hath said: If ye will have faith in me ye shall have power to do whatsoever thing is expedient in me."

Faith.

Lately I feel like that's what I have been focusing on in my blog or thinking about: Trusting and having faith in my Heavenly Father and my Savior. Maybe it's something I need to work on. I haven't exactly ever had trouble with it, but sometimes I think I have forgotten. Maybe that can be (one of) my summer project(s): remembering it and holding on to it. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland addresses it best: "In moments of fear or doubt or troubling times, hold the ground you have already won, even if that ground is limited." :)

During sacrament meeting, I was thinking about the song we had sung to prepare for the sacrament. It was "He Died! The Great Redeemer Died", and I wrote this in my notebook:
He died for me. He loves me so much He died for me. Through all of my mistakes, He has loved me and been there for me. I know I'm who I am and where I am today #BecauseOfHim. <3

I know God loves me, and I know He's watching out for me. He knows exactly what I need, when I need it, and He knows when I need to hear something from someone specific. He knows where I'm going, and He knows how to help me get there. So thankful that He sent His Son, and so thankful that He blesses me with great friends and people in my life who love me, believe in me, and want what's best for me, just like He does. And I know that the same applies to you. He loves you and He knows you, He believes in you, He wants what is best for you, and He knows what you need and when.

He will never give up on you! You are too precious to Him. <3

My birthday adventure.

Well, yesterday was my birthday!!! I had a great day! It went like this:

I had orchestra rehearsal in the morning and my friend got me a couple of cute things; then when I read her card later, I cried a little (for the first time but definitely not the last time I'd cry that day).

So then I went to spend a couple of hours with my family; I got the new Cinderella movie!!! My parents are going to buy me a couple of tickets to a BYU arts production so I can take a friend and they are also going to buy me a new camera. I'm so excited!! Anyway, after we had treats (my mom made mini funfetti cheesecakes) my parents took me out to lunch, and then I was home for about another hour while I tried to work on stuff for the new year of college. During that time, one of my friends going to a different college called me, and so I got to talk to her for a bit, which was fun.

Then my dad took me back to my dorm, and I got ready for stake conference really quick and then I headed up to the Joseph Smith Auditorium for that. I heard a lot of messages that I needed to hear, and as we were singing the closing hymn, "How Firm A Foundation", I started to tear up a little about halfway through the second verse, but I totally lost it at the third verse, and I couldn't sing it. There was an older man sitting a seat over from me and he patted me on the shoulder and so of course I felt really self-conscious then and I tried to stop crying and I tried to sing the last couple of lines of the song, but it just wasn't happening. I just really needed to hear the message in that verse, and my Heavenly Father knew that.

After that, I met up with my friends for dinner and then we headed to BYU's Ballet production of Alice in Wonderland. It was so good!!! I had a great time. After the ballet, we headed back to our dorm and got changed and then we headed downstairs to the basement–my friend had made me a cake, and my friends sang to me and we had cake (one of my friends gave me a card) and chatted for awhile before we all had homework and things to do.

At this point, I wrote in my journal about my birthday (it took up like three pages) and some more crying commenced because it had been a super great day and I was just an emotional mess (as always ;) ) when I got to thinking about it all, and about the things that my friends had written in their cards. I have been having a bit of a hard time lately, what with still trying to figure out when to do my readings and things for my homework, amongst other things, and the things that my friends said in their cards to me were sweet words of love and encouragement that I needed. I'm so grateful for their examples to me, and for their love. Yesterday was an amazing day because of my friends and family, and I'm so grateful for all of the people in my life. <3 <3