It takes time.

Today was a really beautiful day–a little chilly, but the sun is shining, and the sky is so blue. ❤️

So my thoughts during the sacrament today were mostly about what I have and can do because of and through the Atonement of Jesus Christ:

I am a daughter of God, who is a King of the most high. I have a divine nature and destiny. Through the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ I am able to be forgiven and start again. Through the Atonement, I am able to live with my family forever. Through the Atonement, I have the Lord on and by my side. Through the Atonement, I can know my worth. Through the Atonement, I can feel peace. Through the Atonement, I can find joy and happiness. Through the Atonement, I have found the love of my Savior, and that love has brought me strength in the hard times.

The topic of sacrament meeting today was how trials and tribulations can help us change and become who we were meant to become. Parker said that we didn't come here to earth to be comfortable; we came here to grow. I think each speaker mentioned weaknesses at some point, and how we can make them strengths with the Lord's help. Ether 12:27 was mentioned a lot today as a whole, and I know that it was for me. I'm working hard on some things but I can work a little bit harder. Sam said that trials allow us to choose–to give up, and give in to weakness, or to be humble, and have faith in the Lord. If we put our faith in God, there is no trial we can't get through. Brother Durfey spoke a few words at the end of the meeting before the closing song and said, "If it doesn't challenge us, it doesn't change us," and I loved that. ❤️

We talked about the priesthood in Gospel Doctrine today, and my eyes were opened to the fact that the Aaronic Priesthood is more of the physical things–baptism, blessing and passing of the sacrament, home teaching–and the Melchizedek Priesthood is more of the spiritual things–gift of the Holy Ghost, temple ordinances, blessings of comfort and counsel, etc. I thought that was so cool! We also talked about the Law of Moses and that time period, and Rosie mentioned that when they lost the Melchizedek Priesthood, all of their temple ordinances were more on the physical side of things, because they only had the Aaronic Priesthood. It was a really great lesson and I learned a lot.

Relief Society today was great! As it always is. ❤️ It was based on Elder Bednar's talk entitled "Always Retain a Remission of Your Sins," and I highly recommend it. There were a lot of great things that we talked about, but a few of the most important ones to me today were that 1) Remission takes time; 2) it's okay to fall down...just do what you can; and 3) it's never too late. Changing who you are takes time, but it's never too late. There is a song by Hilary Weeks that talks about this, and I have probably shared it before, but it's a good song. It's called, Even When, and around 3:28 is when it takes about taking time, but the whole song is about how God loves us still, even when we make mistakes. Even when we fall. He will always love us.

I am so grateful for everything that was talked about today. I realized today that I'm still a little broken and I'm still healing, but I also realized that that is okay. Even though it does take time (apparently more than I thought), I don't have to do it by myself. I am so grateful to have my Savior to depend on, and to have my Heavenly Father to turn to. I know He loves me, and I know He loves you. I know that you can always depend on Him. And you can always depend on me. I am here for you whenever. I love you and want you to be happy and healthy. Remember that you are a son or daughter of a loving Heavenly Father, who knows what you need to become the best you that you can become. Your trials may not make sense to you at all–and you may not know why the same one just never goes away–but God knows what He's doing. Trust Him, because I do. I trust Him with all of my heart. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Xoxo
Mattie

He will stand by your side.

I am so grateful for my bishop and his wife. They spoke in sacrament meeting today and I heard a great deal that I needed to hear. I love them so much! 
Sister Anderson talked about priorities, and gave a list of eight things to help you keep your life balanced (from a talk by Elder Ballard, found here). I loved a few of them more than others so I'm going to share those few:

• Set attainable goals. Set short-term goals that you can do.
• Build relationships. Stay close to family and friends. They can help keep you grounded.
• Study the scriptures. She also mentioned an article in the New Era by President Monson where he said, "if you will study the scriptures diligently, your power to avoid temptation and to receive direction of the Holy Ghost in all you do will be increased."

When going through these things to help keep your life balanced, remember to turn to your Heavenly Father. He will help you and be there for you when things get hard, and when you fail the first seven times to study your scriptures every day. 

This past week and a half or so has been insanely crazy. I had many things to do, there were many things forgotten...all at once. It wasn't a super great time. The last few days have been better–less full of things to do–but still not 100% great. Even so, I got through it. I am grateful for my Savior, who stood by my side through all the tears and frustrations of the week. I'm grateful that everything turned out all right. I've never had such a horrible week start out the way it did, and then everything ended up turning out all right. I spaced some important things that I was able to make up, and I was able to get a lot of my homework done, even when I felt like I didn't fully understand what was going on. I'm grateful for this three-day weekend, and for all the time I have to catch up on some things. I'm grateful the messages shared in church today that I needed. I'm grateful for all of my plans that are falling into place–a sure sign that I'm doing the right things and have the help, love, and reassurance of my Heavenly Father. I'm not sure where He is taking me, but I trust Him with all of my heart. 

Xoxo
Mattie

Trusting in God can be hard.

I thought last week was going to be crazy. And it was crazy, yeah, but I swear this weekend has been more crazy than every day last week combined. Not only did I work Friday afternoon like normal, and Saturday night like normal, I had to work today, too. We were done by 7:30, which was great. This morning I was SO EXHAUSTED. I don't know why. I went to bed at a relatively decent hour after I got home from work and did some more homework. Still so tired. I took a nap before work today. Still so tired. Plus a pulsing headache (probably from stress+tired Mattie). And even though I did a ton of my homework Saturday I still have a ton to do tonight. I just wanted to get my blogpost out of the way so I don't have to worry about it. :)

Church was great, apart from me being tired.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about who I am as a person, and where I'm going–now, and in the future. While I have hopes and dreams of where I want to be, I know that my plan is just that–a plan. And plans, when made by men, fail. God's plan does not, and I am so thankful God has a plan for me! I'm not entirely sure what it is yet, but I have hopes that the plan I have is at least similar to God's plan for me. Everything has been falling into place for this major. Even if I don't get in this fall, I have a plan to get my grades up and try to apply again next year for fall 2018. I have felt really, really good about this major/plan, which is more than I've felt about anything, including my major plans for last year. Last year, I had no clue on what I wanted to do, and no plans. This year, I still have no clue, but I do have a plan. Trusting in God can be SO hard at times, but He knows what I need, and He knows what I can handle. ❤️

I've come to several conclusions this weekend about parts of myself that I've been working on, and I'm proud of myself because they've been really hard things for me to work on and I'm making a lot of progress, thanks to my Savior. I haven't always been able to work on these things super well, but because I've been thinking more about my Savior, and trusting Him, it's been easier.

One of the last things that was said in Relief Society today was something that I really needed to hear. It was, "He [Heavenly Father] loves you and is proud of you for what you've accomplished." I am so thankful for the ladies (and guys, but this was Relief Society) in my ward who are in touch with the Spirit and who are able to relate to me what my Heavenly Father knows that I need to hear. ❤️

Heavenly Father knows you, loves you, hears you, and answers you. He will always be there to support you. 

Hope everyone has a great upcoming week. I love you all! 

Xoxo
Mattie

Be a part of His plan for you.

This week has been super full of random thinking. Today during the sacrament, I did some more thinking, but a different kind of thinking. This thinking had a purpose. I'd like to share what I was thinking:

I've been doing a TON of thinking this week about life and things, wondering if this will happen, if I should say this to this person, etc. And some of it was terrifying and gave me anxiety, which is bad for my health. BUT I realized today if it's meant to be, it will happen. God will get things in place for it to happen (though I will have to do my part; I can't just leave it all up to Him). And if it doesn't, and I feel sad, Jesus will be there, to help lift me up and fix any broken pieces of me. I know that He will because He's done it before. He'll never let me down. I trust Him with all of my heart. And I know that He trusts me, so maybe–just maybe–some things I am meant to do by myself, with a little encouragement and courage from Him. "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." (Philippians 4:13). I love this scripture. It's a great one, and a simple one that says that Christ strengthens us and helps us do all things. He gives me strength and courage daily to do things that I am not strong enough or brave enough to do by myself. I am so thankful for Him, and for His example, encouragement, and love.

It was a very special moment for me, because I've always kind of known that if it is meant to happen, it will happen–God places people and experiences in our lives to help us onto our path of life. But today I actually realized it.

I also realized that many of the things in my life that I want, I'm going to have to do something about it. Yes, I can ask Heavenly Father for whatever help I need, and He may align things up so that it will all work out, but I have to do my part. I have to act. I've kind of always been the girl that is just there. You may notice me, but not really take notice of me–which is fine. But that means that sometimes I have to act, which is something that is 95% of the time definitely hard for me (#socialanxiety #introvert).

But because of that, I've learned to trust my Savior and my Heavenly Father in a way that I don't think I ever could have if I didn't have trouble with having to be the person to start things. I've also learned that usually, once I've gotten started, I get so into what I'm doing that I don't even think about all the things that I usually think about that make it hard for me to do things. And as I've gotten older, depending on the environment, sometimes it's gotten easier for me to do less thinking, and sometimes it's gotten harder. That's life, I guess. But my Savior is always there to give me strength.

That reminds me of a testimony that was given today. Someone was talking about how the Lord knows who we are. He made us who we are for a reason, and our flaws are meant to either help someone else, or to help us change into who we are meant to be. And I know that that's definitely true for me. This flaw of mine has helped my testimony of my trust in my Savior and Heavenly Father grow. And it's changed me in so many ways.

Someone else shared that sometimes we get in our own way. We sometimes put up blockades and we don't remember our Heavenly Father, or who we are, or what we've been blessed with. Sometimes the only person in the way of our eternal happiness is us.

God knows you. He loves you. He has a plan for you and He'll help set it up, but you have to be a part of it. You have to actually do some things. Sometimes it will be hard, and sometimes it will be easy. But no matter what, you will never be alone. Jesus Christ will be there to strengthen and support you. You have to remember that nothing will ever happen unless you really want it to happen and you go and do something about it. Turn to your Heavenly Father for guidance and strength when you need it, but remember that you are going to have to go out and take your life by the reins.