One thing at a time.

I am happy to say that my cold is slowly disappearing!! Today I have felt the most amazing I have felt in the last three weeks!! I'm so blessed, too, because today I was singing in sacrament meeting, so I needed my voice at its utmost best today. And the musical number was absolutely beautiful!! We sang "If The Savior Stood Beside Me" and I am soo grateful for my friends who accompanied me on the piano and flute! It was a wonderful experience and it really brought the Spirit.

Yesterday, my aunt and uncle were able to be sealed to their newly adopted daughter, and I was lucky enough to be able to go. It was such a beautiful experience and I am so glad that I got to be there. It was a special experience.

During sacrament meeting, the speakers talked about challenges. One speaker said that God teaches us during small challenges to help us during bigger challenges. I really liked this. Because it is really true. He teaches us line upon line, precept on precept. And it only makes sense that He teaches us during small challenges how to deal with our bigger challenges.

For example, I recently FINALLY have almost finishing getting over biting my nails!! I've been working on this for YEARS! And only in the last few weeks have I super focused on my goal, and made it work! I don't know why it has taken me so long, and of course, I'm going to have to focus on it really hard if I want to make sure that I don't bite my nails again, but I'm sure that I can do it. For the first time in a long time, I actually have nails, and I am SO determined to keep them.

Anyway, looking back at my experience with biting my nails, I can learn lots of things. One thing I have learned is that sometimes you just have to keep. trying. I have tried so many things over the years, and they haven't always worked. So many times, I have wanted to give up. Sometimes, I did. I thought, "This is too hard. This is impossible. I can't do it." And I stopped for a time. And then I would want to try again. And it was a giant roller coaster of ups and downs. I kept going, kept trying.

As I have thought about this, I've decided that this can apply to many things in life, and I want to try to apply it in my life better. Right now, I am struggling at work. I think it's because I have had a lot of influx and outflow of children in my classroom, and so they dynamic of my room has been changing every week, so the kids are probably going a little nuts. Frankly, I understand where they're coming from. I also am going a little nuts. It has been a crazy couple of weeks, and I am not sure how the next couple of weeks are going to go, but I am certain that as I focus on one thing at a time, and as I focus on making sure that my kiddos understand that I love them, I think that the next few weeks will be better.

I know that I can't do this alone. I think one thing that has made it difficult these last few weeks is that I haven't exactly been asking for as much help as I've needed. I'm going to try better this week to improve at asking for help when I need it–and even before I need it.

One of the speakers in sacrament meeting today shared this quote, and I needed its reminder today. Honestly, these last few weeks, I have wanted to quit my job. It has been way hard and very taxing on my body & soul. I have thought that I can't do this and that I'm not cut out for it. But I have kept going because I don't have anything else to do right now. My friend this weekend told me that I can do this! She believes in me, and she thinks I am cut out for this. She said it gets easier with time, and I hope she's right (she is). I just need to remember to focus on one thing at a time. Which is really how I have been getting over biting my nails–one nail at a time. Who knew such a small trial would impact how I get through much bigger trials? God sure did. I'm glad that He is on my side because with Him, I will not become lost. 

Have a wonderful week! God loves you, and so do I! 

Xoxo

Mattie

There is a time and a season for all things.

This past week has been really rough as I have been getting back into my schoolwork and my jobs while still trying to take things easy as I'm healing from my appendectomy. It's been a lot harder than I thought it would be. But not only have my friends, family, employers, and teachers been so loving and understanding, so has my Heavenly Father.

I went to the temple with a friend yesterday, and I had an amazing time, as always. I got to do some sealings for some of my ancestors, and it was the first time I have done sealings before. It was really amazing! I can't even imagine how happy they must be to be sealed to their parents! One of my favorite things that I kept hearing as he was doing all of the ordinances was the part where it said something like, "it is as if you were born in the covenant" and I thought that that was so beautiful. There is no difference between being born in the covenant and being sealed into the covenant. I loved that. 💜

Afterwards, we went to sit in the celestial room for a bit, and I was praying really hard for an answer to something that has been on my mind for many, many months. How to be happy where I am. And how to see and find my purpose. These are a few questions that I have been wrestling with for a long time. It has been difficult for me to find the answers to these.

After we left the celestial room and headed out to get changed, I sat for a second and wrote down some of my thoughts. In the past, when I have gone to do baptisms, I usually take a notebook and sit in the chapel and write some of my thoughts before I head home. Usually, I just put my pen to the paper and the words just flow. I have no real conscious thought of what I'm writing, and I know that what I am writing is what God wants me to know and remember. Anyway, I did that yesterday and wanted to share my thoughts because I think it's important. 

There is a time and a season for all things. It is my season of single-hood right now but that does not mean that I am anything less. I am a whole daughter of God looking for a whole partner. I'm not a half daughter of God looking for someone to complete me. I am already complete.

My favorite lines are 'there is a time and a season for all things' and 'I am already complete'. I feel like these two concepts are something that I have been struggling with for a long time, and I think it is a little ironic that they are the answers to one of my prayers. I am grateful, however, that I was able to receive this inspiration. It's a good reminder to me that I am already whole. I am already complete. I am already good enough. I don't need someone to complete me.

It's also a good reminder that life is about change and growth. There is a time and a season for all things. Unless you live in Utah, typically there are 3-ish or so months per season. There is a time for spring. A time for summer. Fall. And winter. Sometimes I feel like school has been my season of winter 🤣 and I am so ready for spring! 🌺 But I am so grateful for the opportunity I have had to go to school, and to get an education. I am grateful for the growth and learning that I have gained and received, and I am grateful for the chance that I have had to study at Brigham Young University. It has been an amazing blessing, and I have met so many amazing people that I am glad to call my friends!

While I was sitting in sacrament meeting today, I was just writing and writing in my notebook, and I wrote a few things that I wanted to share. One of them was, "Everything happens for a reason, and God knows why. So I have to trust Him. I have to trust that I am where I am for a reason. I have to trust that I am who I am for a reason. As I make time for the scriptures, and for my relationship with the Lord, I will be blessed, and I will feel peace." I know that this is true. I know that I can learn and grow in all of the challenges and trials in my life.

The last thing is this:

Find joy in the journey.
Find the positive.
Find my purpose. 

Give my all.
Give my heart.
Give my time.
REMEMBER HIM.

Life will always be hard. There will always be challenges. There will always be trials. God will always ask us to do things that we don't always want to do. But I know that they will help us grow. I probably won't always entirely know the reason why things do or don't happen in this life, but I know that God always knows why. And that is enough for me. Because even when I forget, and even when I am struggling, He always knows why things happen. And He sends me beautiful little reminders every day that things will all be okay. 

Xoxo
Mattie

God blessed the broken road.

I am feeling so grateful and blessed! It has been quite a week! What with feeling pumped from conference, getting a bunch of calls from places that I applied to, getting 1st place at the BYU Fulton Conference in the college of Family Life, to getting A JOB FOR AFTER GRADUATION! I am so excited for it! I can't believe my dreams are coming true! I am so thankful for my Heavenly Father! I know that He has been blessing me lately, even when I couldn't always see it. I am thankful for the confirmation from Him that this is what He wants me to do.

Yesterday I went to the temple and I ran into two friends and it was so nice to see them! I also was able to really just feel the Spirit, and feel confirmation and peace about the things that I have planned for the future.

I absolutely LOVED the talks in sacrament meeting today! Sarah talked a lot about personal revelation, spiritual experiences, and gaining a testimony. My favorite thing that she talked about was how mental health, spirituality, and revelation go hand-in-hand. Sometimes your body can't receive revelation and you think that God isn't talking to you but that's not true. He is always there and He is always speaking to you. I really loved it because I've felt like God isn't speaking to me, and looking back, it's been in the past few years...which is when my mental health took a decline. So my body wasn't capable of receiving revelation...because my mind was sick. Once Sarah put that thought into words, things made a lot more sense.

In Relief Society today we talked about what we loved about conference. I loved what someone said she got from conference...She said, "Don't judge...just help each other and do your best." I love this because I got a similar message from conference. I got a message of love, service, and just trying your best.

Someone said, "Everything makes sense with the gospel because everything is because of the gospel." I loved that. Life is made easier with the gospel–with Christ–because everything is because of the gospel, and because of Christ. When my life is centered in Christ, and in the gospel, everything makes sense. I might not always understand what's going on, but I know that, no matter what, He is with me, and He loves me.

One of the last things we were talking about was how we should step forward and trust the Lord. Take His promptings for you and show Him that you trust Him. I really feel like I have been trying to do this lately. I have been trying to show Him that I trust Him. I realized that I needed to choose. I needed to make a decision about where I wanted to go. I had been asking and asking Heavenly Father to help guide me to making the decision...but I wasn't getting an answer. I felt like He was silent...but looking back, His silence was the answer. He left the decision up to me. So when I finally made a decision...I told Him if He didn't approve of my decision, He'd have to be very obvious in letting me know that He had a different idea for me. And He paved the way for me to get the job, so I knew that He approved of my choice.

I am very blessed and grateful for so many things that I have been blessed with...the blessing of music, the blessing of family, the blessing of love, the blessing of revelation, and the blessing of peace. I am so grateful for loving friends who are always willing to lend a helping hand and a listening ear.

I know that things happen for a reason, and I know that God has led me to today, and to this job. I am so grateful for the chance I have to be a part of something that I love and something that inspires me. I am so excited for the future and for the next adventures of my life! I am grateful that my Heavenly Father is so loving and kind. I am grateful that He is always there for me and that He supports me in all of my endeavors and dreams.

Xoxo
Mattie

He takes you as you are.

What a week! I was working on getting all the important things off my computer so I could get a new one, which I was able to get yesterday! I am so excited! The screen is so big and it runs way faster! I am excited to use it!
It's also been kind of an emotional week. I've been sick and not feeling well, and I've also been extremely tired, even when I have gotten more than enough sleep, so it's just been an extremely long week.
But! I have also been so productive this week! I have been able to get a lot done and I have also (on the whole) been a lot happier. I am grateful for the beautiful tender mercies this week, two of which were scriptures that I read when I was feeling down that were able to lift me up. I'm grateful for my Savior's help, guidance, and love. I know that a lot of things this week were only possible because of Him. I am grateful for all He does for me, and for the support He gives, and for the people He puts in my life to love me and lift me up.

Today was Fast Sunday in our ward, so it was testimony meeting today, and I didn't take a lot of notes–mainly I just listened–but there were a few things that I loved and took notes on that I wanted to share.

-We can't hide anything from God. He knows exactly what we're feeling and thinking. But He is merciful. He wants us to be open–open to Him, open to change, open to the possibility of change. If we give up what we want for God, He will give us blessings.
-When we turn to the Savior, He can and will make us more than we can by ourselves. When Christ asks us to do things, even when they don't make sense, He makes it work, and He makes it worth it.

In Gospel Principles we talked about love. And while we were talking about things that made us feel like we were alone and not loved, I thought about two different songs that are some of my favorites. The first is called "Broken & Beautiful" and it's a new song by Calee Reed but it is amaaaazing!!!! I love it so much!! No matter what, we are always loved by Him. It's sometimes hard to see how God can make something wonderful out of our broken pieces, but I know He does. I know that sometimes it's hard to go through trials in this life, but I also know that you are not alone. God loves you, and sends you angels when you need them. He sent His Son to die for us so that we would not be alone in our darkest moments. He sent His Son to be with us in those moments, and to lift us up, and carry us when we can't go on by ourself. He sent His Son to help us put the pieces back together. He sent His Son to remind us that we might be broken, but we are still beautiful.

The other song is called "Better Than A Hallelujah", and this version is by Amy Grant but there is another version by Mercy River that is also amaaaazing! I love this song SO MUCH because the message of this song is that God takes what you give. He accepts it and makes it better. YOU ARE ENOUGH. He takes you as you are. And your feelings are not weakness. Your feelings are strengths. God wants you to come to Him, no matter where you are. He will take you where you stand, and He will help you become better. 

We also talked about how it is okay to be blind, and to just keep walking in faith. And when you feel alone and forgotten, and lost, remember that you are not the only one who has felt so! Heavenly Father left Christ, too. Have mercy on yourself, and remember to ask God for help. Remember to tell Him EVERYTHING. Tell Him you can't feel Him. Be open with Him. He knows all, but wants to hear it from you. He cares so much about you–He doesn't want you suffering or hurting. He wants to bring peace to your life, and He wants to give you strength. But He can't do that if you won't talk to Him or go to Him. So take the time to go to Him, and share with Him your feelings and thoughts. If it is important to you, it is important to Him. BUT He does have a plan for you, so your timetables might not match up together, but that is okay. Just trust Him. :)

I am so thankful for the blessings I receive in my life. I am so thankful for the people in my life. I am so thankful for the love that I feel and for the grace that I receive. I am so grateful for my Savior, and for His love and guidance, and the moments that He has lifted me up when I couldn't find the strength to stand. I am grateful for the power of music. I am grateful for love. I am grateful for peace. I am grateful for confidence and patience. I am grateful for grace. I am grateful for mercy. I am grateful for my Heavenly Father. 

Xoxo
Mattie

Forget not and trust Him.

First week of the new semester is over! And I have all the classes that I want/need now! What a crazy week it was. But this weekend has been a wonderful weekend–I had the opportunity to babysit and it was so fun! A great way to end the stressful week.
I am grateful for the opportunities I had to learn this week–both intellectually and spiritually/personally. Hopefully this will be a fun semester! Maybe a little challenging, but I think I'm ready for it.
I am so excited! I am planning on making a trip to the temple grounds this week, just to sit and think, and I am so grateful that I live so close to temples.
God has really been blessing me lately with things I need, and reminders of other things, including His love, and others'. I am where I am for a reason. Even when I want to give up. I am here to learn and grow. 

Sometimes I question why I am even at college. I question what I am even going to do with my major (I still have no idea). I wonder if it would just be better for me to quit. But then I remember I am so close–three more semesters including this one (crossing our fingers)–and I just need to hold tight. It's been really hard this school year, but I've had the support of my friends and family, which has kept me afloat. And I remember that what I am learning really will help me in my life, considering that I want to be a mom and raise kids some day. Even if that doesn't happen in this life, I will always be in contact with humans, so it's really important to be able to understand our development, and how that works. Plus I find it fascinating, so it's nice to study something I'm interested in and find intriguing and love learning about.

Church was amazing today!
"Being one with Christ means applying the Atonement in every aspect of our lives."
Some ways to follow Christ: Trust, Learn, Do
1) Prov. 3:5-6. "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." 
--Feast upon His words
--Pray
--Serve others
As we do these things, we will come to love and trust Him more.
2) Learn of Him
--As we study His life we will be able to learn of Him, and better comprehend who He is. This will also help us better understand who we are.
3) Do as I do
--Submitting to the will of the Father
--Through the Atonement we can repent and be made clean again
--We must be active in using what Christ has given us to become like Him

-There's a balance between giving and receiving service.
-We have to be willing to be humble enough to accept service.
-Oftentimes we pray for help but our (spiritual) earls aren't tuned to hear what we need to hear.
-When we serve, we gain–we don't lose.
-There are people that care about us.
-"When ye (accept) the service of your fellow beings, ye accept (the service) of your God."
~>I loved this! Accepting the service from those around us is like accepting service from God. I don't think we ever think about it like that. We always think about it like we're serving God, and we are His hands, but we never think about it in this way.
-God watches us through each other.
-Both sides of service are important. We're all in this together.

In Gospel Principles today we talked about repentance. And I loved a few of the things we talked about:
-Be honest with the Lord and yourself.
-We are not going to repent perfectly. That's okay.
-Repentance is supposed to be joyful.
-Treat yourself with Christlike love.
-God wants to forgive us.
-Repentance isn't an event. It's a cycle. Something we do over and over again.
-Repentance is change. Thinking about how we can do better with Him.
-Don't listen to people who don't like you. (Satan)

In Relief Society we talked about President (Elder? I don't know anymore haha the transitional period of leadership titles is confusing for me) Uchtdorf's "Forget Me Not" talk in October 2011 to the Relief Society. There are five points that he makes, and I love each one of them because they are applicable to everyone at any and every point in their life.
1) Forget not to be patient with yourself.
-Everyone has strengths and weaknesses
-Keep working on your path to perfection and stop punishing yourself
-As long as you are doing your best, God will help you
2) Forget not the difference between a good sacrifice and a foolish sacrifice.
-"Am I committing my time and energy to the things that matter most?"
3) Forget not to be happy now.
-Don't wait for your 'golden ticket' to be happy
-Remember to notice the blessings you do have
-"Find joy in the journey."
-Accept the beauty of life now.
4) Forget not the 'why' of the gospel.
-Remembering the 'why' makes the gospel a joy and delight
-"Whatever you do, work with purpose."
5) Forget not that the Lord loves you.
-You are not forgotten. He loves you with an infinite love.
-If you ever forget or have trouble feeling it, pray and ask Him for confirmation. He will tell you.
-His love is always there, no matter the circumstances.

I had an amazing experience earlier this week when I was writing in my journals goal. Actually I had two in the past couple weeks. The first was that, "I realized that you can't change the past. You can't change what you've done. You can only move forward, make better choices, and try to fix it. Most of the time it will take time to fix it, so you have to be patient." And the second one was that, "I have to believe in myself. I have to believe that I can overcome and be strong. If I tell myself I'm just going to do it again, or that I'm going to fail, I won't progress in the direction that I want. I have to believe in myself." I have to be confident. Luckily that is one of my goals this year. I think I am going to make it my main goal this year. I need to be more confident. I have changed a lot these past few years in college, but I still have room for improvement.

We need to forget not that we have a Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother who want what is best for us. They love us so much, They wanted us to become just like Them, so here we are! We were sent down to earth to further our learning and experiences. And even though we passed through the veil and have forgotten the pre-mortal life, we need not forget! God is everywhere around us, blessing us, sending us tender mercies, reminding us, "I am here for you, and I will always be here. I love you."

He LOVES US.

I know that can be hard to understand and remember–I struggle with it at times–but then I remember the people in my life. My parents. My siblings. My grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends. I remember all of them and remember how blessed I am to have such a loving family and support system. And I remember all of the times that I needed to hear something, and they said just what I needed. Or they sent me a text or a note with exactly what I needed to hear. Or just spending time with them was enough. Whatever it was, I remember. I remember the days where I prayed and prayed for God to send me someone–anyone–because I was having a rough day and needed someone, and they came a few days later. Or a few hours later. In the moment of my rough day, I felt like God didn't hear me when I didn't immediately receive an answer. But He did. He always does. And when they came to me was when I actually needed them the most. We think that we know better than God sometimes, but in all honesty, we don't. He knows us better than we do, and He knows what we can handle and what we can't. And He knows what we need to experience to grow. We just need to trust Him.

I hope you have a wonderful week! Life is good!

Xoxo
Mattie

Heading in the right direction.

It's been quite a crazy week. I've been doing a lot of thinking, what with my new job, thoughts of changing my major (again), and other things that have been on my mind for the past couple of weeks. Some of the things that have been going on have sorted themselves out, or given me a temporary solution or plan to move forward. Others have not, however, and I was wondering why until Wednesday night, when I received a blessing. Tuesday I wasn't feeling all that great–I had a stomachache, and actually it's been bothering me on and off for a couple weeks–and slept most of the day before work. Wednesday wasn't much better either, so I asked my friend if he could give me a blessing. Something he said has stuck with me. All my stresses/worries–what I'm going through–are to help me progress and grow. Now, he wasn't necessarily talking about me being sick–I've got a lot more going on in my life than that–but it was a needed reminder. Even though I know that what I go through is to help me grow and learn, I thought that some of the things I am going through right now were brought on by me, and by things I did. It's good to know that–even if that is true–they're to help me be better, and become who I need to be, and who God needs me to be.

I'm not sure when I realized it, but recently I've been thinking that God has been telling me to be patient and trust Him. Just with all that is going on, and all of the uncertainty with decisions I've been trying to make, I feel like He's been telling me to let go and trust Him. It's been really hard sometimes, because I'm not the best at being patient, and I hate not knowing the answers, but it's been good for me. I've been able to find and feel a lot of peace, especially as I've asked for blessings and gone to the temple.

I've also noticed lately that I've been more quiet, more "sit-down-by-myself" or more "sit-with-someone-new", and more of a listener. Which isn't bad at all, but it has been interesting to see how that has changed how I interact with my friends. I've been trying to be more respectful, and I've been trying to interact with all of my friends, not just my normals. :)

I hope that I am a different person now than I was at the beginning of the summer. I'm still working on a whole bunch of things, and some of them are going better than others, but I still have a little bit of the summer to go as I try and become a better version of me. Some of the changes that have occurred have made me feel at ease with myself and in certain social situations. I have faith that I can do everything that I've been hoping to do this summer, and that I can become whom I want to and feel like I need to be.

I'm grateful for my Savior. He has been so constant, and so kind to me as I am working on my goals. I'm grateful for my Heavenly Father. He has sent me circumstances that I needed to go through and people that I needed to meet in order to help me change. It's comforting to know that He is watching out for me, and sees who I can become, and is helping me to become her. Sometimes I think she is so far away, but some days...some days, I think I can see her. And that brings me joy, because it means I'm going in the right direction.

I hope you've had a wonderful Sabbath Day and that you have a great week!

Xoxo
Mattie

With Him we can. :)

Today is Palm Sunday, the day Jesus entered Jerusalem before His great sacrifice for us. Easter is next Sunday! I'm so excited! I'm going home (again. Wow, I have gone home so much this semester) and am hoping that I will be done with most of my homework by that time so I can rest and relax. We'll see how this week goes. :)

Sacrament meeting was AMAZING and I definitely needed it today! Before I get into that, though, here are my thoughts from during the sacrament.

Some day, life will make sense. I am counting on that day. Right now, however, nothing makes sense, and I struggle all the time, as we all do. Lately, it's been really hard to be positive and optimistic and happy. Mainly because it's the end of the semester and I have a LOT of things to do, but there are other suspicious factors, too. Anyway, it's just been really hard to look on the bright side of things, and I want to wallow all the time, but I don't have time for that right now. I am really grateful for my Savior. I don't deserve all of the second (and third) chances that I get, yet He give them still. If that's not love, what is? I am grateful for my Heavenly Father, who sent His Only Begotten to die for us. I've been struggling with some things a little bit lately, but how can I fail with my Heavenly Father and Savior's love and help? 

Speaking of struggling, guess what the topic in sacrament meeting today was? If you couldn't guess (you probably couldn't), it was about attitude, adversity, and trials, and how to get through/overcome them. It was a blessing! I really needed it today. :)

So, some of my favorite things that were said were:

• When we face adversity, we forget about all the great things going on in our life.
• Don't try to change the things that you can't control.
• We are free to choose joy.
• We need to realize that we have EVERYTHING that we need to be happy in that moment.
• Adversity has a purpose–to help us grow and change.
• God will be with us. We should not be afraid. We are not alone.
• The only thing we can control is ourself, and our actions. 
• We need to trust that God sees the whole picture.
• He shows us our weaknesses so that we can work on them.
• We need to have a good attitude. Yes, sometimes it's hard. But we need to "Hold on to the hope that there are good things in the world," and realize that "Even darkness must pass."

In Relief Society, we talked about visiting teaching, and one of my favorite things that was said was that Heavenly Father uses other people to remind us that He loves us. My last favorite thing was that we're all trying to go to the same place; we need to lift each other up.

Don't forget that God is with you. With Him, you can do anything. That reminds me of two things: one is this scripture that we talked about in Sunday School. It's the Joseph Smith Translation of Matthew 19:26, and it says, "But Jesus beheld their thoughts, and said unto them, With men this is impossible; but if they will forsake all things for my sake, with God whatsoever things I speak are possible." The bolded parts are the parts that are changed/clarified from the Joseph Smith Translation. I loved this verse when we read it in class. And this reminded me of the song, "With Him We Can", which you can find here. It's a beautiful song that talks about how with God, we can do things that we never thought possible.

I'm so grateful for my ward! I love the people I've met, and I cherish the friendships I've made. God knew exactly what He was doing when He put these people in my life. I love them all so much and I wouldn't change anything! I'm grateful for my family, and for my friends. I'm grateful that I have so many people to depend on and turn to. I'm grateful for my Savior, and for all He's done for me, and I'm grateful for my Heavenly Father, who knows exactly what I need to grow and be better. I'm still working on it, and He's right there with me. I hope you have a peaceful Sabbath and a wonderful week!

Xoxo

Mattie

It takes time.

Today was a really beautiful day–a little chilly, but the sun is shining, and the sky is so blue. ❤️

So my thoughts during the sacrament today were mostly about what I have and can do because of and through the Atonement of Jesus Christ:

I am a daughter of God, who is a King of the most high. I have a divine nature and destiny. Through the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ I am able to be forgiven and start again. Through the Atonement, I am able to live with my family forever. Through the Atonement, I have the Lord on and by my side. Through the Atonement, I can know my worth. Through the Atonement, I can feel peace. Through the Atonement, I can find joy and happiness. Through the Atonement, I have found the love of my Savior, and that love has brought me strength in the hard times.

The topic of sacrament meeting today was how trials and tribulations can help us change and become who we were meant to become. Parker said that we didn't come here to earth to be comfortable; we came here to grow. I think each speaker mentioned weaknesses at some point, and how we can make them strengths with the Lord's help. Ether 12:27 was mentioned a lot today as a whole, and I know that it was for me. I'm working hard on some things but I can work a little bit harder. Sam said that trials allow us to choose–to give up, and give in to weakness, or to be humble, and have faith in the Lord. If we put our faith in God, there is no trial we can't get through. Brother Durfey spoke a few words at the end of the meeting before the closing song and said, "If it doesn't challenge us, it doesn't change us," and I loved that. ❤️

We talked about the priesthood in Gospel Doctrine today, and my eyes were opened to the fact that the Aaronic Priesthood is more of the physical things–baptism, blessing and passing of the sacrament, home teaching–and the Melchizedek Priesthood is more of the spiritual things–gift of the Holy Ghost, temple ordinances, blessings of comfort and counsel, etc. I thought that was so cool! We also talked about the Law of Moses and that time period, and Rosie mentioned that when they lost the Melchizedek Priesthood, all of their temple ordinances were more on the physical side of things, because they only had the Aaronic Priesthood. It was a really great lesson and I learned a lot.

Relief Society today was great! As it always is. ❤️ It was based on Elder Bednar's talk entitled "Always Retain a Remission of Your Sins," and I highly recommend it. There were a lot of great things that we talked about, but a few of the most important ones to me today were that 1) Remission takes time; 2) it's okay to fall down...just do what you can; and 3) it's never too late. Changing who you are takes time, but it's never too late. There is a song by Hilary Weeks that talks about this, and I have probably shared it before, but it's a good song. It's called, Even When, and around 3:28 is when it takes about taking time, but the whole song is about how God loves us still, even when we make mistakes. Even when we fall. He will always love us.

I am so grateful for everything that was talked about today. I realized today that I'm still a little broken and I'm still healing, but I also realized that that is okay. Even though it does take time (apparently more than I thought), I don't have to do it by myself. I am so grateful to have my Savior to depend on, and to have my Heavenly Father to turn to. I know He loves me, and I know He loves you. I know that you can always depend on Him. And you can always depend on me. I am here for you whenever. I love you and want you to be happy and healthy. Remember that you are a son or daughter of a loving Heavenly Father, who knows what you need to become the best you that you can become. Your trials may not make sense to you at all–and you may not know why the same one just never goes away–but God knows what He's doing. Trust Him, because I do. I trust Him with all of my heart. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Xoxo
Mattie

He knows what you need to grow.

This is another little thought that I had last night (sometimes my late night thoughts are really profound):

"I'm dreaming and dreaming. Nothing's come true yet. I still have a ways to go, and a ways to dream. I've come so far, and yet it's not been far at all. It feels like one step forward is sometimes two steps backwards. Why is this so hard? How will this ever work out? I don't even know what I want anymore.
And then it hit me: I.
Yes, yes, I can still have dreams.
But Heavenly Father has a plan for me. A plan that includes dreaming, waiting, and not knowing.
Someday I'll know. And most days I wish that "someday" was today or tomorrow. But until my "someday", I just have to trust Him, and follow Him.
Occasionally there are the days that I forget–I forget my dreams, I forget my wants–and I just am.
Those days, while they may appear dreadfully dull on the outside (or even sometimes to me), are actually quite peaceful.
Just being is oftentimes a blessing in disguise."

Sometimes we get so caught up in what we want to happen that we forget that our Father in Heaven has a plan for us, and we forget to live.
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During the sacrament today, I was thinking about the sacrament hymn, "As Now We Take The Sacrament", and one line in particular stood out to me: "And silently we pray, For courage to accept thy will, To listen and obey". We pray for courage–courage to accept the Lord's will, and courage to listen and obey. We do not always know what's going to happen in our lives, or what the Lord is going to ask of us. But we need to pray for courage to accept His will. Sometimes it's really hard. Sometimes we want one thing, but the Lord has planned something else for us. Sometimes we may not understand why things happen, but we just need to trust Him. He knows what He's doing and He won't let us down. So we just need to have courage and trust Him.

One of my friends bore their testimony today and she said that (it's a little bit paraphrased), "Sometimes the way the Savior helps us is by letting us struggle. Struggle means there's growth. There's no growth in the comfort zone and no comfort in the growth zone."

I love that. Leaving your comfort zone is hard (I know), but it means you're growing and changing. Trust your Heavenly Father–He knows what you need to grow.

Sometimes we have to let go.

We all have dreams and aspirations. We all want things in our life.

I've learned, though, that sometimes we have to let things go. Sometimes for a little while, sometimes for forever.

I'm not saying that you can't still want it; you can. But sometimes, if it's a dream that's a little ways off, and you let it go–if only for a brief time–you can live in the moment better.

If we're always focused on the future, we forget to live in the moment.

By putting aside some of your dreams, you're able to focus on your life right now. And that is sometimes more important than your dreams. If you're always waiting for the future, and not taking proper care of yourself, there won't really be any future for you, will there?

Sometimes we just have to let go.

Sometimes when we let go, we'll realize that that's not really what we wanted, and we'll have saved ourselves some time and money.

And sometimes, if it's important enough, we'll eventually find a way to achieve it.

Everything will work out in the end. You just have to trust your Heavenly Father.

He has a better plan for you than you could ever imagine.

And sometimes that plan includes letting go.

Trust Him.

This morning before church I was thinking a lot about life in general, just because it's been on my mind the past couple of weeks (*cough* months, really *cough*). I'm kind of an impatient person sometimes. I'm working on it, and usually I'm not so impatient, but there are a couple of things that I really want in life that I have to wait awhile for, and it's been difficult trying not to think about it so much.

Anyway, I was looking on LDS.org, and I found a talk by Elder Robert D. Hales from October 2011 entitled "Waiting upon the Lord: Thy Will Be Done". He says, "As we ask these questions, we realize that the purpose of life is to grow, develop, and be strengthened through our own experiences... What, then, does it mean to wait upon the Lord? In the scriptures, the word wait means to hope, to anticipate, and to trust. To hope and trust in the Lord requires faith, patience, humility, meekness, long-suffering, keeping the commandments, and enduring to the end. To wait upon the Lord means planting the seed of faith and nourishing it 'with great diligence, and... patience.'"

It's a really great talk, and I definitely recommend it. It applies to a lot of different things! It applies to such things as physical sufferings, trials, answers to prayers, etc. So it means a different thing to me than it will mean to you, and it means a different thing to us now than it will in a couple of years. Because you won't be going through the thing that you are currently going through in a couple of years, different things will stick out to you in the future than what will stick out to you today.

I am so grateful for the prophets and their messages. Though the things I want didn't really go away, reading that talk helped me a lot. I just have to be patient.

Speaking of being patient, I found another article, this time from the August 2015 Ensign. The link can be found here. It has a really great message, and it was definitely something that I needed to hear. She said something that I really loved. It was, "It’s discouraging when plans fall through or don’t pan out as expected. To our mortal minds, divine timing can be hard to understand. But what I can understand is that God is a loving Father who has a plan that guarantees eventual happiness if we are faithful, and I am learning to accept His timing with confidence—not with anxiousness."

If you know me, you know that I often get anxious and I worry about things a lot. So that part of her article was really helpful to me. I will be blessed if I am faithful, and He will bless me in His own time. I just need to accept that. His timing is perfect, and I just am not ready for those things that I want right now. I don't know when I will be ready, but I hope that I will be ready soon enough. But right now I just need to not worry about it. I need to not be anxious about it. It will happen when it happens. I need to trust Him and just. let. go.

A thought came to my mind during sacrament meeting today: Christ suffered for you. Do you really think that He will leave you to suffer in silence/by yourself? He won't let you suffer alone. He suffered alone so you don't have to.

I found this picture this morning on Facebook and thought it went perfectly with what I was thinking about this morning. Trust Him. Trust your Heavenly Father. Trust your Savior. His timing is perfect, and He knows what He is doing. He loves you. So trust Him.

Charity never faileth.

Today in Gospel Doctrine, we talked about the Liahona, when Nephi broke his bow, and when he was commanded to build a boat. Here are a few of the things that I learned as we talked about these events and applied to them our day:

• Lessons from their experience with the Liahona:
• The Liahona only worked when Nephi and his family were faithful and righteous.
• The words of Christ (the scriptures, words of the prophets, etc.), the Holy Ghost, our patriarchal blessings: these are all examples of Liahonas in our day.
• By small means the Lord can bring about great things. 
• Lessons learned from when Nephi broke his bow:
• Be faithful and proactive. If you try to work things out by yourself first, the Lord will let you know when you need to do something different than what you are doing.
• Don't be afraid to ask your parents. They are more experienced at life than you are and they are there to help you and to guide you.
• Lessons learned from when Nephi was commanded to build the boat:
• Nephi trusted God; he had never built a ship before, but he trusted the Lord and listened to His guidance and direction.
• He prayed for help and inspiration. 
• Heavenly Father knows where we are in life, and how much knowledge we have gained, so He will guide us from where we are to where we need to be. 
• The Lord will seldom do for us what we can do for ourselves. Nephi asked God where to go to find ore to make tools to build the boat. He did not ask God for tools, but rather the materials he could use to build tools.
• The Holy Ghost speaks to us through our spirit, and our mind, and we have to be open and willing to hear him.

In Relief Society, we talked about charity. The Relief Society motto is "Charity never faileth." In the Bible dictionary, it says that charity is "the highest, noblest, strongest kind of love, not merely affection; the pure love of Christ." Charity is Christlike love. We read several scriptures about charity, and in Moroni 10, it says, "Except ye have charity ye can in nowise be saved in the kingdom of God." We also listened to President Nelson's talk from last conference,  "A Plea to My Sisters", and it was so powerful. As he talked about the deaths of Elders Perry and Scott, and President Packer, at the beginning, he was so emotional and I wanted to cry all over again. 

He said a couple of things stood out to me:

"Your virtue, light, love, knowledge, courage, character, faith, and righteous lives will draw good women of the world, along with their families, to the Church in unprecedented numbers! We, your brethren, need your strength, your conversion, your conviction, your ability to lead, your wisdom, and your voices. The kingdom of God is not and cannot be complete without women who make sacred covenants and then keep them, women who can speak with the power and authority of God!"

"Today, let me add that we need women who know how to make important things happen by their faith and who are courageous defenders of morality and families in a sin-sick world. We need women who are devoted to shepherding God's children along the covenant path toward exaltation; women who know how to receive personal revelation, who understand the power and peace of the temple endowment; women who know how to call upon the powers of heaven to protect and strengthen children and families; women who teach fearlessly."

And then he said this, and it stood out to me so much:

"My dear sisters, nothing is more crucial to your eternal life than your own conversion. It is converted, covenant-keeping women...whose righteous lives will increasingly stand out in a deteriorating world and who will thus be seen as different and distinct in the happiest of ways."

I love that. I have so many wonderful examples of converted, covenant-keeping women to look up to, and I am so grateful for them!!! They may not see it, but I see them changing the world every day. There is a song by Hilary Weeks that I love called "Hero" and every time I hear it, I think of these women. I love them dearly and I know that I can always ask them about/for anything and they will always help me. They are all wonderful examples of Christlike love and service. <3 <3 <3

I try so hard to have charity in my heart and to love everyone. I love to serve people and make them happy or ease their burdens. But sometimes it's a little hard, and so I remind myself that they are children of God, too, and He loves them just as much as He loves me. And, though that doesn't automatically make it easier to love them, it helps me remember that they are imperfect–like me–and they are just trying to do their best, like me. Charity never fails, and everyone needs charity because that's the best kind of love: Christlike love. That is what I am trying to show and have every day. I am trying to be like Jesus, and I am trying to be His hands, and one of the best ways to do that is to have Christlike love for everyone around me.

How have I held it all together?

I have had a really rough past couple of days/weeks/months, and today was especially hard. I got up, still feeling kind of sick. I had had a little "me" time last night; I went to a concert and I really enjoyed myself; I got to let go of everything and just listen and watch and enjoy. Anyway, this morning I was feeling kind of ill still and I went to ask my mom about something; I think I asked if daddy could give me a blessing. It was, you know, five o'clock in the morning, so she just told me to take some Tylenol and put the heating pad on my stomach and wait for a while. So, I took the Tylenol and went to lay down. For the next hour or so, I lay in my bed, pain running through my abdomen. I tried everything: I tried putting the heating pad in different places on my tummy; I tried holding it differently; I tried holding it against my tummy as I lay on my tummy; I tried holding it on my tummy as I lay on my back. The pain was just so, so bad I curled up in a ball and held the heating pad against my stomach and cried. I cried to my Heavenly Father; I cried for my daddy; I cried for my mom. I just wanted relief. I finally just told myself to get up; I counted to three and got up. I thought it would make me feel better if I got moving; I had, after all, been sitting--nay, laying--on my bed curled up in pain for almost two hours. So, I decided that I was going to wear a dress today because I was taking the ACT and I really don't know why but for some reason dressing up helps me think better or relax or something. Anyway, I head into the bathroom and I get dizzy and woozy and I head over to the toilet, hoping and praying that I wouldn't throw up. I did; I started sobbing, heaving, heavy sobs. More heavy than when I had been in bed. My brother went and got my dad, who went and got my mom because he was taking my brother to school. I stood up, brushed my teeth, and I felt better; I honestly felt better and I thought that I could go about my day. I still felt sick but I felt loads better. I got dressed and went into the kitchen; I didn't really want to eat anything; my mom told me I could have some sprite or some yogurt. I had some sprite but I didn't really eat any of the yogurt because I just didn't feel too good. I went to brush my teeth again and I started to brush my tongue for whatever reason. Big mistake. I started to throw up, in the sink. I quickly walked over to the toilet, but I started crying again because once you can kind of overlook, but twice? Nuh-uh, that's a sure sign of "stay home". My mom called the school and was told that me not going wouldn't harm anything; it was just a missed opportunity to take the ACT. My mom left it up to me. I was really, really sick (I had just thrown up twice, for Pete's sake) and tired, and I just wanted to sleep, but I decided to take the test. My dad gave me a blessing before he took me to school, and I prayed and prayed in my heart as we drove to school and all throughout the test. There was a couple of times where I thought "Oh, no, this is it" and I was sure I was going to throw up, but I took deep breaths, in and out, and I got through it. I drank lots of water and I finished (mostly) that stupid, stupid timed test without throwing up. I owe it all to my Heavenly Father. Without Him, I probably would have thrown up that first time. I prayed; I prayed really, really hard that I wouldn't throw up. I took deep breaths and I PRAYED, and it was answered. I am still feeling sick, but I am going to see the doctor on Monday and maybe we will be able to find out what is wrong with me. This pain is unlike any pain I have ever felt before, but I don't have to go through it alone. My Savior suffered for this pain of mine, and He has felt it, too. I can turn to Him for comfort and relief, and that is exactly what I have been doing today (when I wasn't sleeping). I don't know how I have held it all together. Actually, I do; I haven't. It's as simple as that. I haven't held it all together. I have had to turn to, rely on, and trust in my Savior and my Heavenly Father too many times to count in the past couple of months. My testimony of this gospel, of my Savior, and of the power of the Atonement has grown tenfold. There is absolutely NO way at ALL that I would have EVER been able to get through everything that I have gotten through without the help of my Savior. I love Him with all of my heart and I am so thankful that my daddy holds the priesthood worthily and is able to give me blessings when I want or need them. So, again, in answer to my question "How have I held it all together", the truth is, I haven't. My Savior has been there EVERY step of the way, and He has lifted me when I could not carry on. He is my rock, and my foundation, and I love Him. He has been my glue; He is piecing me back together from what I was to what I need to become. I trust Him with all of my heart. I am so glad He knows what He is doing.

With Him, we can do it all.

I am so excited for this upcoming next couple of weeks/months!!! Next couple of weeks: our cultural event. I am SOOOOOO excited!!! Next couple of months: I have a couple of Christmas concerts that I'm super excited for. I know that with The Lord's help we'll be ready and prepared. Like the words of our opener for the cultural event: "We will have faith in each tomorrow and trust Him to show the way!" Definitely. I trust The Lord with all of my heart and I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that we can do this. With Him, anything is possible.