Heading in the right direction.

It's been quite a crazy week. I've been doing a lot of thinking, what with my new job, thoughts of changing my major (again), and other things that have been on my mind for the past couple of weeks. Some of the things that have been going on have sorted themselves out, or given me a temporary solution or plan to move forward. Others have not, however, and I was wondering why until Wednesday night, when I received a blessing. Tuesday I wasn't feeling all that great–I had a stomachache, and actually it's been bothering me on and off for a couple weeks–and slept most of the day before work. Wednesday wasn't much better either, so I asked my friend if he could give me a blessing. Something he said has stuck with me. All my stresses/worries–what I'm going through–are to help me progress and grow. Now, he wasn't necessarily talking about me being sick–I've got a lot more going on in my life than that–but it was a needed reminder. Even though I know that what I go through is to help me grow and learn, I thought that some of the things I am going through right now were brought on by me, and by things I did. It's good to know that–even if that is true–they're to help me be better, and become who I need to be, and who God needs me to be.

I'm not sure when I realized it, but recently I've been thinking that God has been telling me to be patient and trust Him. Just with all that is going on, and all of the uncertainty with decisions I've been trying to make, I feel like He's been telling me to let go and trust Him. It's been really hard sometimes, because I'm not the best at being patient, and I hate not knowing the answers, but it's been good for me. I've been able to find and feel a lot of peace, especially as I've asked for blessings and gone to the temple.

I've also noticed lately that I've been more quiet, more "sit-down-by-myself" or more "sit-with-someone-new", and more of a listener. Which isn't bad at all, but it has been interesting to see how that has changed how I interact with my friends. I've been trying to be more respectful, and I've been trying to interact with all of my friends, not just my normals. :)

I hope that I am a different person now than I was at the beginning of the summer. I'm still working on a whole bunch of things, and some of them are going better than others, but I still have a little bit of the summer to go as I try and become a better version of me. Some of the changes that have occurred have made me feel at ease with myself and in certain social situations. I have faith that I can do everything that I've been hoping to do this summer, and that I can become whom I want to and feel like I need to be.

I'm grateful for my Savior. He has been so constant, and so kind to me as I am working on my goals. I'm grateful for my Heavenly Father. He has sent me circumstances that I needed to go through and people that I needed to meet in order to help me change. It's comforting to know that He is watching out for me, and sees who I can become, and is helping me to become her. Sometimes I think she is so far away, but some days...some days, I think I can see her. And that brings me joy, because it means I'm going in the right direction.

I hope you've had a wonderful Sabbath Day and that you have a great week!

Xoxo
Mattie

Be a part of His plan for you.

This week has been super full of random thinking. Today during the sacrament, I did some more thinking, but a different kind of thinking. This thinking had a purpose. I'd like to share what I was thinking:

I've been doing a TON of thinking this week about life and things, wondering if this will happen, if I should say this to this person, etc. And some of it was terrifying and gave me anxiety, which is bad for my health. BUT I realized today if it's meant to be, it will happen. God will get things in place for it to happen (though I will have to do my part; I can't just leave it all up to Him). And if it doesn't, and I feel sad, Jesus will be there, to help lift me up and fix any broken pieces of me. I know that He will because He's done it before. He'll never let me down. I trust Him with all of my heart. And I know that He trusts me, so maybe–just maybe–some things I am meant to do by myself, with a little encouragement and courage from Him. "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." (Philippians 4:13). I love this scripture. It's a great one, and a simple one that says that Christ strengthens us and helps us do all things. He gives me strength and courage daily to do things that I am not strong enough or brave enough to do by myself. I am so thankful for Him, and for His example, encouragement, and love.

It was a very special moment for me, because I've always kind of known that if it is meant to happen, it will happen–God places people and experiences in our lives to help us onto our path of life. But today I actually realized it.

I also realized that many of the things in my life that I want, I'm going to have to do something about it. Yes, I can ask Heavenly Father for whatever help I need, and He may align things up so that it will all work out, but I have to do my part. I have to act. I've kind of always been the girl that is just there. You may notice me, but not really take notice of me–which is fine. But that means that sometimes I have to act, which is something that is 95% of the time definitely hard for me (#socialanxiety #introvert).

But because of that, I've learned to trust my Savior and my Heavenly Father in a way that I don't think I ever could have if I didn't have trouble with having to be the person to start things. I've also learned that usually, once I've gotten started, I get so into what I'm doing that I don't even think about all the things that I usually think about that make it hard for me to do things. And as I've gotten older, depending on the environment, sometimes it's gotten easier for me to do less thinking, and sometimes it's gotten harder. That's life, I guess. But my Savior is always there to give me strength.

That reminds me of a testimony that was given today. Someone was talking about how the Lord knows who we are. He made us who we are for a reason, and our flaws are meant to either help someone else, or to help us change into who we are meant to be. And I know that that's definitely true for me. This flaw of mine has helped my testimony of my trust in my Savior and Heavenly Father grow. And it's changed me in so many ways.

Someone else shared that sometimes we get in our own way. We sometimes put up blockades and we don't remember our Heavenly Father, or who we are, or what we've been blessed with. Sometimes the only person in the way of our eternal happiness is us.

God knows you. He loves you. He has a plan for you and He'll help set it up, but you have to be a part of it. You have to actually do some things. Sometimes it will be hard, and sometimes it will be easy. But no matter what, you will never be alone. Jesus Christ will be there to strengthen and support you. You have to remember that nothing will ever happen unless you really want it to happen and you go and do something about it. Turn to your Heavenly Father for guidance and strength when you need it, but remember that you are going to have to go out and take your life by the reins.