A Piece of Hope.

I wrote this on April 23, 2023. I never shared this poem because I wanted to do a few things with it, but I needed the comfort it offered, and I thought that I would share it for others who might also need the comfort and peace it brings.

"My [child], peace be unto thy soul."

Happy May! May is my favorite month for many reasons--one being it's springtime, and the other being it's our anniversary month! Ricky and I are looking forward to a fun summer, with at least one out-of-state trip (this month for our anniversary) and hopefully a few weekend day trips!

Over the last several months (and off and on over the last 5 years), I have had the opportunity to research Ricky's family history and gather together his family tree. It has been really enlightening and spiritual for me because I've never had to actually do research to find my family tree--it's always just been there. Being able to do the research and put together the pieces of Ricky's family tree puzzle has been really fun for me!

Being able to work on family history, even when I haven't been able to make it to the temple to do temple work, has been a really powerful experience for me over the last few years that I have been working on this project. 

As I think about my experience doing family history for Ricky's family, and the times we have been able to attend the temple together, I think back to the first chapter of the Book of Matthew in The New Testament, which lists the genealogy of Jesus Christ back to Abraham. 

1 The book of the generation of Jesus Christ, the son of David, the son of Abraham.
2 Abraham begat Isaac; and Isaac begat Jacob; and Jacob begat Judas and his brethren;
3 And Judas begat Phares and Zara of Thamar; and Phares begat Esrom; and Esrom begat Aram;
4 And Aram begat Aminadab; and Aminadab begat Naasson; and Naasson begat Salmon;
5 And Salmon begat Booz of Rachab; and Booz begat Obed of Ruth; and Obed begat Jesse;
6 And Jesse begat David the king; and David the king begat Solomon of her that had been the wife of Urias;
7 And Solomon begat Roboam; and Roboam begat Abia; and Abia begat Asa;
8 And Asa begat Josaphat; and Josaphat begat Joram; and Joram begat Ozias;
9 And Ozias begat Joatham; and Joatham begat Achaz; and Achaz begat Ezekias;
10 And Ezekias begat Manasses; and Manasses begat Amon; and Amon begat Josias;
11 And Josias begat Jechonias and his brethren, about the time they were carried away to Babylon:
12 And after they were brought to Babylon, Jechonias begat Salathiel; and Salathiel begat Zorobabel;
13 And Zorobabel begat Abiud; and Abiud begat Eliakim; and Eliakim begat Azor;
14 And Azor begat Sadoc; and Sadoc begat Achim; and Achim begat Eliud;
15 And Eliud begat Eleazar; and Eleazar begat Matthan; and Matthan begat Jacob;
16 And Jacob begat Joseph the husband of Mary, of whom was born Jesus, who is called Christ.
17 So all the generations from Abraham to David are fourteen generations; and from David until the carrying away into Babylon are fourteen generations; and from the carrying away into Babylon unto Christ are fourteen generations.

Even Jesus knew His heritage. Knowing who you are and where you come from is vital in understanding your story. Because Jesus knew who He was and what His mission was, He was able to achieve His mission as our Savior.

When we know WHOSE we are, there is NOTHING that can stand in our way of achieving all that the Lord has in store for us as long as we remember that we have the Lord on our side. With Him, He will give us peace and comfort in all our challenges and trials. Even when it seems unfair. Even when it seems like your world is falling apart. Even when it feels like everything is happening far slower than you would like, and all around you are reminders of your trials and challenges. Even when your trials seem never-ending.

John 14

27 Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

Doctrine and Covenants 121

7 My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;

8 And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.

Helaman 5
47 Peace, peace be unto you, because of your faith in my Well Beloved, who was from the foundation of the world. 

I am so grateful for all of the peace and comfort I have felt in my life throughout all of the trials and challenges I have been going through. Sometimes it's hard to feel in the moment, especially when feelings of anger, sorrow, upset, and anything else take over your brain. I have been working really hard on recognizing when my emotions are trying to take over and stepping back and taking control back. I am not perfect at it, but I am doing my best to be better every day.

Jesus Christ is known as the Prince of Peace and the Comforter. We are His children, and He wants us to be able to find peace, be comforted, and feel loved in the midst of our trials. I am so grateful for His promise of peace. Even if I can't feel it yet, I know that it is promised, and it will come.

Xoxo

Mattie

Lord, do you remember me?

I love going to the temple. I love the peace that I feel in the temple, and I love being able to sit in reverence. But yesterday was hard. We did sealings, which is usually fine. But this week, we found out our last cycle didn't work. So every time the sealer said, "wife and mother", I had to close my eyes and take a breath because I just wanted to cry. Even when we weren't at the altar, I had to focus really hard and take a breath.

After our session of sealings, we went to sit in the celestial room, and I started reading the Book of Psalms--I didn't read every chapter, but when I got to chapter 13, I can't even begin to tell you my feelings upon reading the chapter. 

David trusts in the Lord’s mercy and rejoices in His salvation.
To the chief Musician, A Psalm of David.

1 How long wilt thou forget me, O Lord? for ever? how long wilt thou hide thy face from me?
2 How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily? how long shall mine enemy be exalted over me?
3 Consider and hear me, O Lord my God: lighten mine eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death;
4 Lest mine enemy say, I have prevailed against him; and those that trouble me rejoice when I am moved.
5 But I have trusted in thy mercy; my heart shall rejoice in thy salvation.
6 I will sing unto the Lord, because he hath dealt bountifully with me.

It's hard to feel like God is with you or for you when it feels like He has forgotten you. Lately, I have been feeling like that. As I started reading this chapter, I felt seen. I felt my heart whisper, "Lord, do you even remember me?" As I continued reading the verses, I felt like Heavenly Father was whispering, "I am still here, Mattie."

When I got home and looked up Psalm 13 on my Gospel Library app, I found that I had already bookmarked that chapter, which was interesting, as when I had previously read it in the temple, I hadn't recalled reading/loving it before. But I think it was a tender mercy and a reminder from God that He knows me, and He knows what I need. And by prompting me to begin reading in the Book of Psalms, He knew that I would find peace in this chapter again.

I read or heard somewhere recently something that went a little like this: By saying how you feel, it can release the power of those words and feelings. I know that sometimes it doesn't always work. Sometimes, saying how you feel makes it more real. I think that either way, opening up your feelings is a really powerful way to tell yourself, "Hey, I know that I am feeling like this. Sometimes it doesn't feel okay, but it is okay to feel like this."

Knowing that God always remembers me, even when it feels like He has forgotten me, is also really powerful. Remembering Him, even when it feels like He has forsaken me, gives me strength. And sharing my experiences with loved ones increases my faith. So today, I'd like to bear my testimony that even though sometimes we might feel lost, alone, or forgotten, we are never lost, alone, or forgotten. Because God always knows where we are, He is always with us, and He will never forget us. 

You are loved. I hope you have a peaceful and blessed Sabbath Day.

Xoxo

Mattie

Humility in trials.

People go through many trials and challenges in life, each unique and personal. Some people lose their parents. Some people lose their children. Some people go through divorce. Some people experience natural disasters like earthquakes, fires, and hurricanes. Some people have health issues. 

I don't typically post too many details about it, but infertility has been a really challenging trial for me. While it is deeply personal and hard to talk about, especially in the Church, I appreciate the friends and family who've felt comfortable discussing their own infertility challenges with me while I'm going through my own; it's helped me not to feel alone.

Infertility treatments are expensive and not guaranteed. I hate that so much--recently, we spent a lot of money on the next procedure, not to mention all of the medications I needed to take, and it didn't work. I'm trying not to think about it too much because I can't do anything about it, but we were devastated when we found out it didn't work.

Moving forward is hard because I desperately want to try again, but the possibility that it won't work again looms over every thought. We're not made of money, and the procedures and medications are expensive and not covered by insurance. It's hard to make that decision, but we are trying to listen to the Holy Ghost to discern when it is time for us to make the next move forward.

I've been searching the Church's website for talks and scriptures to help me understand why trials occur and how to get through them when it feels like all hope is gone. In Mosiah 21: 5-14, the Nephites learn to humble themselves and turn to God:

5 And now the afflictions of the Nephites were great, and there was no way that they could deliver themselves out of their hands, for the Lamanites had surrounded them on every side.

6 And it came to pass that the people began to murmur with the king because of their afflictions; and they began to be desirous to go against them to battle. And they did afflict the king sorely with their complaints; therefore he granted unto them that they should do according to their desires.

7 And they gathered themselves together again, and put on their armor, and went forth against the Lamanites to drive them out of their land.

8 And it came to pass that the Lamanites did beat them, and drove them back, and slew many of them.

9 And now there was a great mourning and lamentation among the people of Limhi, the widow mourning for her husband, the son and the daughter mourning for their father, and the brothers for their brethren.

10 Now there were a great many widows in the land, and they did cry mightily from day to day, for a great fear of the Lamanites had come upon them.

11 And it came to pass that their continual cries did stir up the remainder of the people of Limhi to anger against the Lamanites; and they went again to battle, but they were driven back again, suffering much loss.

12 Yea, they went again even the third time, and suffered in the like manner; and those that were not slain returned again to the city of Nephi.

13 And they did humble themselves even to the dust, subjecting themselves to the yoke of bondage, submitting themselves to be smitten, and to be driven to and fro, and burdened, according to the desires of their enemies.

14 And they did humble themselves even in the depths of humility; and they did cry mightily to God; yea, even all the day long did they cry unto their God that he would deliver them out of their afflictions.

The purpose of trials is to help us humble ourselves and turn to God. But what happens when we feel like we have already humbled ourselves and turned to Him, but we still have not received answers or are still feeling lost?

I asked my brother, who is serving his mission, this question, and he shared Ether 12:27 with me, and I was really drawn to Ether 12:28, as well.

27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.

28 Behold, I will show unto the Gentiles their weakness, and I will show unto them that faith, hope and charity bringeth unto me—the fountain of all righteousness.

He shows us our weaknesses, but He also shows us that faith, hope, and charity bring us closer to Him, as well as to righteousness. 

In Elder Renlund's talk "The Powerful, Virtuous Cycle of the Doctrine of Christ" from the past April 2024 General Conference, he says the following:

"Spiritual momentum is created “over a lifetime as we repeatedly embrace the doctrine of Christ.” Doing so, President Russell M. Nelson taught, produces a “powerful virtuous cycle.” Indeed, the elements of the doctrine of Christ—such as faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, repentance, entering a covenant relationship with the Lord through baptism, receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost, and enduring to the end—are not intended to be experienced as one-time, check-the-box events. In particular, “enduring to the end” is not really a separate step in the doctrine of Christ—as though we complete the first four elements and then hunker down, grit our teeth, and wait to die. No, enduring to the end is repeatedly and iteratively applying the other elements of the doctrine of Christ, creating the “powerful virtuous cycle” that President Nelson described."

We are not meant to know all things in this life--the purpose of this life is to learn and grow and have faith in Jesus Christ. 

Life is HARD, and while I don't understand the purpose of this trial in my life, and I struggle with it daily, feeling very lost and alone at times, I know I can turn to my Savior for peace. 

Ricky and I went to the Payson Temple yesterday to do sealings, and even though I didn't receive a specific answer (and even left with more questions), I still felt peace. I spent a lot of time after our time in the temple thinking about how, right now, just sitting in the temple is often more precious to me than doing ordinances. While I love doing the ordinances, lately, it seems all I can hear is "and mother" in all of the ordinances, which is a little painful and hard for me to not think about. I often think about Jesse, how grateful I am for the Plan of Salvation, and for the blessings of eternal families. 

I am grateful for my sweetheart and the sweet opportunity we had last weekend to celebrate our anniversary. Year five has started off great and I can't wait to see where it takes us.

I hope this Sunday has been a peaceful Sunday for you and yours. I know that God loves us always, and that He cares for us more than we will ever know.

Xoxo

Mattie

Faith means moving forward anyway.

We have been studying The Book of Mormon this year, and I am amazed at the answers and revelations found in The Book of Mormon. Nephi tells us several times that even though he struggled to believe in the words of his father at one time, he chose to ask God, and prayed to understand the words of his father.

1 love that we can see that even Nephi had questions, but he chose to turn to God and ask for clarification and answers. In 1 Nephi 15:11, Nephi asks Laman and Lemuel, "Do ye not remember the things which the Lord hath said?--If ye will not harden your hearts, and ask me in faith, believing that ye shall receive, with diligence in keeping my commandments, surely these things shall be made known unto you."

There is a reason that faith is the first principle and ordinance of the gospel. We must ask God in faith, trusting that the Lord will provide answers, peace, guidance, and direction.

I just had the most powerful thought about The Book of Mormon based on the principles and ordinances of the gospel. Remember, they are faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, repentance, baptism by immersion for the remission of sins, and laying on of hands by the gift of the Holy Ghost.

Throughout The Book of Mormon, we see these principles and ordinances.

First, faith. Nephi shows so much faith in the Lord Jesus Christ throughout his life.

Second, repentance. We see repentance throughout The Book of Mormon a lot, but especially in the book of Alma.

Third, baptism. We see baptism not only in the book of Alma but also in Helaman.

Fourth, laying on of hands by the gift of the Holy Ghost. We see this in Alma and in 4th Nephi.

I love that we see the principles and ordinances of the gospel cycle within not only each book within The Book of Mormon, but also throughout The Book of Mormon as a whole.

There are many answers to be discovered through the books within The Book of Mormon, and I know that those answers will change according to the season of life I am in.

I am grateful for the love of God that is shown throughout The Book of Mormon, and for the love that I see within my life. Though I do not have all the answers, I know God loves me. I don't know why we sometimes have to wait years for answers, but I know that by waiting, we can come to know the love of God more. In waiting, we find ways to move forward in faith anyway. I know that sometimes, the answers aren't what we sought. Instead, the answers we receive are the answers that we need to grow. There is pain and heartache in waiting for the answers we want, but there is also peace and growth in accepting the answers we receive.

I hope you have a wonderful week, full of peace and love.

Xoxo
Mattie

Path to personal peace.

In the April 2023 General Conference, President Henry B. Eyring gave a talk entitled "Finding Personal Peace". We discussed this talk in Relief Society today. It was so enlightening to discuss and hear others' thoughts on President Eyring's talk.

President Eyring starts his talk by recounting the Savior's words about peace, and how He gives us peace, from the book of John in chapter 14:15-27. Here is the passage that he shares:

“If ye love me, keep my commandments.

“And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever;

“Even the Spirit of truth; whom the world cannot receive, because it seeth him not, neither knoweth him: but ye know him; for he dwelleth with you, and shall be in you.

“I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.

“Yet a little while, and the world seeth me no more; but ye see me: because I live, ye shall live also.

“At that day ye shall know that I am in my Father, and ye in me, and I in you.

“He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him.

“Judas saith unto him, not Iscariot, Lord, how is it that thou wilt manifest thyself unto us, and not unto the world?

“Jesus answered and said unto him, If a man love me, he will keep my words: and my Father will love him, and we will come unto him, and make our abode with him.

“He that loveth me not keepeth not my sayings: and the word which ye hear is not mine, but the Father’s which sent me.

“These things have I spoken unto you, being yet present with you.

“But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.

“Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”

President Eyring then goes on to discuss how he found five truths from this passage of the Savior's teachings. As we read and discussed the five truths that President Eyring found, I kept going back to my April 2023. During that time (March/April), I was having a difficult time. I kept thinking about Jesse, and how, if I hadn't experienced my miscarriage, I would have been having my baby around that time. It was an especially hard time because a few people close to me had announced pregnancies and it was emotionally challenging for me to watch them experience something I wasn't able to (because I lost my baby) during the time when I would have been getting ready to give birth.

For months previously, I had been asking Heavenly Father for peace, and felt and heard nothing at the time. I was frustrated, sad, heartbroken, lonely, and trying desperately to not ruin the pregnancies of the ones close to me. Fast forward to General Conference. One of the questions I was wanting to focus on getting an answer for during conference was  peace and comfort, and to finally start healing. I was tired of walking around on eggshells because every little thing would make me cry. 

As the first session of conference occurred, I was feeling good, because I had heard so many little things that I loved. But when President Eyring (the final speaker of the session) stood up and began to speak, I felt overwhelmed with the Spirit and knew I needed to listen. As I listened to President Eyring, I was watching and listening, glued to the screen, taking in this dear Apostle of the Lord's words. When he said, "Some of you, perhaps many, are not feeling the peace the Lord promised. You may have prayed for personal peace and spiritual comfort. Yet you may feel that the heavens are silent to your pleading for peace", I knew this talk was for me. I felt in my heart, "This is for you. You are not alone. I am with you."

As Relief Society closed today, I shared this special story. I got a little emotional during my comment, but it was healing to share my experience around this talk that was special to me for several reasons: 1) because it was an answer to my prayer, and 2) because when you share experiences, you remember more details, and you can find new insights.

My path to personal peace is not what I expected it to be, but it is exactly what I need it to be. I'm grateful for the healing that I have experienced in this past year. I know there is more to do, but I am grateful for how far I have come.

I hope this week is a good one for you! I have a few fun things planned for this week and I am looking forward to getting a lot of work done as well!

God loves you and I do too!

Xoxo Mattie

The refiner's fire is truly an holy experience that draws one closer to God.

It has been too long since I have updated my blog. It has been a crazy few months, but I have done a lot of thinking and taking time to try and make sense of my emotions, feelings, and what God wants for me. 

Last year, before I found out I was no longer pregnant, I did some math and put my due date around the end of March/beginning of April. For the first couple of months this year, I thought about Jesse all the time. It was really, really hard to try and move forward. I had been praying for peace for months. I was so exhausted emotionally–it was so hard because I was trying to move on, but then every moment reminded me of my sweet angel. Every time I turned around, someone I knew (or even didn't know personally) was announcing they were expecting, or announcing the birth of their baby. Every baby I came across was another reminder of our loss. Of what we were excited for and almost had. 

On Good Friday in April, right before Easter Sunday, I went to the temple to do some temple work and to hopefully get an answer, or at least a form of relief. I had a lot on my mind at the time, and I was so grateful to be able to just sit in the temple. I sat in the temple for almost an hour after I was finished with the endowment session, just thinking, pondering, and looking for an answer. When the answer and peace that followed finally came, I was so happy. The answer I received wasn't exactly what I wanted, but it was exactly what I needed. 

I have been blessed with peace of mind and and in my heart. Though I still yearn for a child of my own, and my heart aches at times, I no longer cry nearly as often, nor as hard, as I did prior to my experience in the temple that weekend. 

I have had a much easier time moving forward since that personal revelation and enlightening experience. I am still reminded of Jesse, and I still experience moments and periods of sadness, but I have seen blessings in my life as a result of that experience. I no longer have multiple days a week where I experience really difficult and emotional days that end in tears. 

I thought Mother's Day would be really difficult for me, and I was expecting to have an overwhelmingly emotional day. But the peace I felt that day is when I really knew that Heavenly Father had answered my prayers because it would have been my first Mother's Day as a mother, and experiencing a miscarriage was so emotionally taxing. But it (Mother's Day) wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. I did feel a little sad, but overall, I felt a lot of peace, and for that I am grateful. 

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God understands how I need to make changes.

Not only can we not serve from an empty vessel, we also can’t serve from a broken vessel. 

How do we fix our empty and broken vessels? In many ways, but there is one name for all of them: self-care. Self-care is important in all facets of life: physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. It is also personal and unique to everyone.

These last two weeks, I have been thinking a lot about my miscarriage and baby Jesse (we decided on a name to help with the grieving process. We chose "Jesse Eden" because Jesse means "God exists" and Eden means "paradise", and we really liked that connection to God). I realized, if I hadn't had my miscarriage, I would be about 7.5 months pregnant right now. It was an unexpected intrusion of thoughts and I became quite emotional, as I hadn't thought about that in awhile. I had had a similar thought back in December, but it didn't quite hit as hard as it did this time, in part, I think, because it's so much harder for me not to remember that (according to my most-likely-inaccurate math) I was going to be giving birth during the end of March/beginning of April. And it's now March. I can't help but think about how close the end of my pregnancy would be now. The fact of how close I was to being a parent, is just so painfully obvious. I hate that it was taken from me, and from Ricky. 

It has made these last two weeks especially difficult as I try to get through my emotions and move on. There have been times where I have become absolutely distraught. The loss of control I have over my fertility journey is disheartening sometimes. This journey has been mentally taxing, and I have been so tired. My whole body is tired. My whole soul is tired. I am just so tired. Emotions are hard.

I’m never quite sure how to handle when this feeling–the loss of Jesse, of this experience–hits me. Sometimes I am just sad. Sometimes I watch something funny on tv. Sometimes I read a book. Sometimes I read the scriptures or listen to a conference talk. When I need to have something mindless to do with my hands, I will play video games or crochet. Sometimes I just sit and listen to music while scrolling on my phone. Sometimes I walk to the store for a pick-me-up treat. Sometimes, I just cry into Ricky's shoulder. He holds me and lets me cry, and it's just so comforting to have him here.

No matter what I end up doing, it always ends up being right for me at that time. That’s the beauty of self-care: recognizing what YOUR needs in the moment are and taking care of it.

For example...
Say you're taking care of a baby and they start crying. Immediately, you’re trying to figure out what’s wrong and what they need. They can't communicate with you very well verbally, but their actions say a lot. Even though they're crying and screaming, you don’t get mad at them or angry at them for needing something, right? Self-care is similar to that. You are trying to take care of yourself and figuring out what’s wrong and what you need. There's no need to get angry or mad at yourself for needing something. Your body is telling you you need something. That means you need to listen.

Today during testimony meeting, I had a lot of thoughts, and I just wanted to share a few.

• God understands how I need to make changes. I do not need to feel guilty or ashamed of my personal revelation to make changes in ways that are different than I have previously done/tried.
• My journey is different than I thought it would be, and that is okay. I am struggling to understand that, and that is also okay. 
• Heavenly Father knows that this is hard for me, and I am grateful for a loving Savior to turn to and depend on, as well as loving Heavenly Parents and a loving husband who supports and encourages me. I am also so grateful for sweet friends who know just what to say and do to love and support me. 

Yesterday, we went to the temple to do sealings for some family names my grandma had. As I was looking through the names, I found an ancestor with my name! It surprised me because this was on my mom's side, and I hadn't realized there was another Mattie in my family line. It was a sweet tender mercy from Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother. Another tender mercy was how many child-to-parents sealings there were during our session. I was so grateful for the emphasis on how important little children are to God. I often take time after visiting the temple to write down a few of my thoughts or any personal revelations I received during my time in the temple. Yesterday, my thoughts were short but sweet: "While not here long on the earth, Jesse is still a part of our family forever."

Jesse is a constant reminder to me that God exists. While I have been struggling lately with a lot of things, one thing that keeps me going is that I know Heavenly Father is there. I know Heavenly Mother is there. I have been working on a few projects that have kept me busy, and it has been good to be creative, and to connect with my Heavenly Parents in that way. When I am working on a project, I forget everything else, and am focused solely on creating my project. It brings me peace and joy to be able to focus on my projects without the emotional pain, and I know that is a blessing from my Heavenly Parents. 

I hope that, by sharing my feelings and emotions in this post, I will be able to heal and feel peace at the circumstances I find myself in. I hope that anyone who finds themself in a similar situation will know that they are not alone, and that they are loved by Heavenly Parents, their Savior, and me.

Xoxo

Mattie

Make the time.

Making the time for the things that are most important and balancing your time is really hard. Lately, that has been my biggest weakness and struggle. I always have something that I can be doing, something that I want to be doing, and something that I need to be doing. 

How can we best divide our time between all of the things that are important in our lives?

Jesus tells us, in Matthew 6 verse 33-34:

33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. 34 Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.

Put God first and focus on the day you are living. That's the key.

I know, I know–it's easier said than done. Sometimes, though, you just need to have a real talk with yourself and say, "Okay, we are going to be doing this. God is going to be put first today, and then we are going to focus on what we can do today." It will definitely be difficult as you begin, but the more you put it into practice, the easier it will get.

You have to ask yourself, "What is the most important thing I can do today?" And if the answer isn't "Talk to my Heavenly Father", you might be a little too busy. Don't worry–I've definitely been there.

Sometimes I need to make a list of all the things I need to get done in a day. That's okay, it's good to write it down. But sometimes I put things on my list that don't necessarily need to be done that day. I think sometimes I am trying to get a week's worth of things done in one day, and that is definitely not healthy. 

I am trying to take it back a notch and focus more on things that I need to get done that day. I am also trying to remember that if all I get done is one thing, that is okay! There are some days that I will get a lot done, and some days where I will only get one or two things done. That is completely fine. Each day requires a different amount of effort from me, as each day, I am a different person.

This reminds me of the story in Luke 10:38-42 about Mary and Martha. It reads:

38 ¶ Now it came to pass, as they went, that he entered into a certain village: and a certain woman named Martha received him into her house.
39 And she had a sister called Mary, which also sat at Jesus’ feet, and heard his word.
40 But Martha was cumbered about much serving, and came to him, and said, Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me.
41 And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things:
42 But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.

We have all been Mary, and we have all been Martha. Now, remember, Martha isn't doing anything bad! Cleaning and serving the Lord is good! However, Jesus is currently teaching, so the timing of Martha's service is not the best. So, again, back to making the time: Martha needed to make the time to listen to Jesus' teachings. She needed to make the time to sit down and focus on her spiritual needs.

In the end, it will not matter whether or not you cleaned your living room and kitchen. It won't matter if you made sure that any guests or neighbors were taken care of. What will matter is whether or not you learned from the Lord. Whether or not you grew closer to Him. Whether or not He can count on you to do as He commands.

Yes, He understands the need (and asks) for a house of order. Yes, He understands that He has asked you to "love thy neighbor as thyself". But He has also asked you to "love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, might, mind, and strength", and that is the first great commandment. He has asked you to put Him first.

If you are not connecting with God every day, how can He prompt you to serve your neighbor? How can He prompt you to serve your friend when they need a pick-me-up? How can He use you to help His children if you are not connecting with Him every day? 

Yes, it can be difficult to make the time. Yes, the Lord understands. But He also understands that if you do what He asks, life will be a little bit easier.

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A Day in the Life

Squinting eyes, checking clock

Rising fast, running amok

Brush, brush, brush

Hop, hop, hop

Making lunches, checking homework

Loading car, running berserk

Rush, rush, rush

Stop, stop, stop

Squinting eyes, checking clock

Rising fast, running amok

Rush, rush, rush

Stop, stop, stop

Parking tires, checking handiwork

Loading car, running berserk

Brush, brush, brush,

Hop, hop, hop

Squinting eyes, checking clock

Retiring at last, no more running amok. 

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Making Time

I start my day close to the Lord

A prayer, a scripture–15 minutes I can afford

I greet my husband with a 'good morning' kiss

My children are happily in bliss

Later that day, my daughter cried

Because her pet rock Tommy died

I tried not to laugh as we buried him

But she saw me and her face turned grim

Her response was to cut her brother's hair

I took a really long time sitting in my chair

When my husband got home, the house was a mess

Dinner was cold and my children in distress

'Daddy!' they cried, and ran for a hug

I drank my cold hot chocolate mug

This day was quite a disaster, I'm afraid

But because of this morning when I prayed

I had more patience and more love

I hope my children see why I speak with God above.

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I don't have children yet, but I hope this poem can show the peace that comes when we speak with the Lord and take time to hear Him. The day will still be long, and we will still feel frustrated at times, but there is just something about taking the time to speak with the Lord that calms the whole day. 

I know that Heavenly Father loves you and that He will help you as you strive to balance your life! I hope you have a great week! I have plenty of things on my to-do list this week, but I am going to focus on one at a time. 

Xoxo

Mattie

Prayers to the Father

Jesus Christ shows us throughout His entire ministry, but especially throughout His last week in mortality, of the importance of communication with our Heavenly Father. I love His relationship with Heavenly Father. That is the kind of relationship I am trying to develop with my Heavenly Father. He is always ready and willing to listen, and I love that!

From the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints' website about Easter week today:

The last week of Jesus Christ’s mortal ministry is filled with prayer. There are the prayers He offers on behalf of His disciples, filled with timeless words of comfort and guidance. But there are also the prayers that He encourages them to offer on their own. He knows that soon His disciples will be without Him, and so He lets them know the importance of praying, encouraging them to ask their Father in Heaven for the things they’ll need to make it through the challenges ahead. Through His words and His example, they learn that when they make the effort to pray to the Father, no matter what happens, they will never be alone.

#BecauseOfHim, I’m never alone

Jesus told His disciples He would be with them always. He’s here for you too. As you draw near to the Father in prayer, you will draw near unto Christ as well.

Prayer is a powerful way to grow closer to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, but that doesn’t mean it always comes easily. [It's like anything else–the more you practice, the better you get.] (My thoughts)

I am so grateful for the power of prayer, and for the love and peace that I feel as I communicate with my Father in Heaven through my Savior–His Son, Jesus Christ. I am grateful for the example of Jesus on how to communicate with Heavenly Father.

I am also grateful that Heavenly Father is flexible and comes to us as we are. He knows our circumstances, which is super important because sometimes I communicate with Him in ways other than through prayer. There are times where praying the way I do at night or in the morning is just not practical. Sometimes, I am driving and can only shout out loud, "Heavenly Father, please keep me safe from the flying grill rack!" (Yes, this is a true story that did happen this week. On Monday, of all days. What a way to start the week!) But He knows me, and my surroundings, and understands that some situations call for different forms of communication with Him. And I love that He is so understanding. We are truly never alone because He is always with us.

As it is Easter time, it is supposed to be springtime, too, but that has seen a slight ice patch in the road 🤣. Spring is coming–slowly, but it is coming. I am really looking forward to the warmer weather that will most surely bring about more family walks around the neighborhoods and parks! I love walking with Ricky, but I also love seeing families out for strolls. It makes my heart happy to see. We live in such a beautiful world handcrafted by our Heavenly Father for us, I love to be out enjoying and exploring and seeing others get to experience it too!

I hope that this week has been going well for all of you. I hope and pray that all is well with you and your loved ones. 

Xoxo

Mattie

Timeless Words of Peace

Today is Holy Tuesday. Today is the day that Jesus teaches parables and discusses prophecies about Him from the scriptures and prophets. 

From the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints' website today:

As Jesus Christ continues to teach His followers, one thing becomes clear—Jesus has a deep knowledge and love of the scriptures. Throughout the week, Jesus often quotes the very scriptures He’s fulfilling. For those who listen, prophecies that were by then hundreds of years old become powerful and new. Suddenly, the scriptures don’t seem so ancient. With the help of Jesus Christ, they see that the word of God does not have an expiration date. No matter what era we live in, we can find peace in the powerful parallels between the scriptures and our own lives.

#BecauseOfHim, I feel peace

“Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you. … Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” —John 14:27​

Jesus’s teachings are everywhere in the scriptures, and they can fill your life with peace. [Make time to sit and study the scriptures by yourself or with your family and friends. 

(The last sentence is my own comment.)

I am grateful for all of Jesus' teachings, and for His instruction on prophecies, parables, and other scriptures. I am grateful to have the scriptures to look to for His guidance and direction in my life. I am grateful to be able to have the Holy Ghost with me, to be able to help lead me in my life and connect with my Heavenly Parents and my Savior.

Xoxo

Mattie

Personal revelation leads to personal improvement.

Hello friends!! This weekend was General Conference!! I was so excited and so grateful for all of the messages that were shared by our Prophet and other leaders of the Church.

I felt so much peace and love this weekend as I listened. There are many things that I can work on to improve, but I am going to take my time in order to not stress myself out more than normal. 

I am going to start with improving my personal scripture study and daily prayers. I have also recently begun to start working out. I think that these two things–improving my spiritual study and physical health–will help me foster other areas that I can work on, as well. 

Sorry this post is so late and so short–after Conference, I took a nap and Ricky and I went for a little walk before dinner. It was much needed. 

I am so grateful for personal revelation, and for the wonderful talks and messages that God wanted us to hear through His servants. I am grateful for the improvements that I am going to be working on. I am grateful for the upcoming holiday seasons (Thanksgiving and Christmas) and look forward to celebrating gratitude, the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ, and remembering all of the blessings that we are and will be receiving because of His birth and, subsequently, His life, death, and resurrection.

Hope everyone has a wonderful week! God loves you, and I do too!

Xoxo

Mattie

Christlike in marriage.

 Happy four months to my sweet husband!

As of today, we have officially been married for four months, and I can honestly say life is better with Ricky than without. There are lots of ups and downs, and there are moments when we do not agree on things, but we are learning. We are learning how to compromise, how to love each other, how to bless each other, and how to be more Christlike. 

We were watching Beauty and the Beast (2017) yesterday, and–during the scene where the Wardrobe was helping Belle with her dress–as I was mentally admiring Belle's beautiful dress, I said, "I wish I was a princess," and Ricky said, "Why do you think I make you dinner every other night?" And that is my husband, ladies and gentleman. He is such a blessing to me, and I am so grateful for him.  🥰💜

We are both still learning things about each other, and while it can be hard some days, at the end of the day, he is my best friend, my person, my love, and my HOME. With him, I am comfortable. I'm not afraid to speak my mind–but I do need to work on attitude and tone. With him, I am honest. I tell him every day how I feel about him–I say, "I love you" probably about 20,000 times a day. With him, I am true. Sometimes he gets my jokes, and sometimes he doesn't–but I make the jokes anyway because it fits the moment. With him, I am myself. There are days when I just need to cry, and he holds me and lets me cry. And in those moments, life is perfect. Because I am with my husband, being vulnerable, and he is with me, being loving and supportive. 

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The other day, I posted on my Facebook page something that I wanted to share here. The link to the post is here. But I also wanted to post the picture and words here, just because I am proud of them:

I’m grateful for beauty, grace, mercy, love, and kindness. I watched the 2015 version of Cinderella tonight and was reminded of the beauty that is Lily James’ version of Cinderella. The movie is beautiful, cinematographically, as well as story-wise. It is absolutely one of my favorites and I will never get tired of watching it. 

The quote said by Ella’s mother towards the beginning of the movie is one of my favorites, and I LOVE how Ella exemplifies it throughout the movie. She is full of grace and beauty, as well as kindness. I believe she is so Christlike and loving in this rendition. 

We must have courage and be kind, even when others are not being kind. We must have courage and be loving, even when others are not. 

Love is the answer to all of the problems in this world, I know it. Love and kindness. 💜

Happy Sabbath Day, friends and family! God loves you, and I do too! I hope you all have a blessed week. I am looking forward to this week, as I should be able to start working on other projects besides "cleaning and organizing my house". I'm excited to start decorating, and to finish my curtains projects, and to start my refinishing furniture projects. It's going to take me a few weeks, I'm sure, but I am excited to move into this next chapter of projects!

Xoxo

Mattie

Peace and love amidst confusion.

I missed last week's post because it was just such a crazy day/week! I've had a lot going on. So I'm playing a little catch-up with a few posts in one. 

March 1, 2020:

Palmyra, New York. 1820. Early spring. Early morning. A young boy. A serious question. A vision from God.

https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=431662257545756

This video is amazing! I love all of the little miracles. It's such a testimony to me and just reaffirms my faith in the gospel, in my Savior, and in my Heavenly Father. I am so thankful for the First Vision, and for the restoration of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I am grateful for the Book of Mormon, and for the impact that it has had on my life, and for the love and peace that I have felt as I have read its pages and studied its messages.

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March 8, 2020:

I love this. I don't have all the answers. I don't know. I honestly don't know. I am so confused and so sad for all who are affected.

But I love this. God is a God of clarity and truth. Sometimes it seems like He has given us conflicting commandments. Sometimes it seems like He hasn't given us any answers. But I know that He loves us. I know that He wants us to be happy. So I will walk and talk with you. I will love you. Because that is what Jesus would do. And I am trying to be like Jesus. So I will do what He would do. And that is fight for you. And love you. So I will fight for you, and I will love you. Even when people tear me down because of my beliefs. Because I can be the bigger person. I can make room in my heart to love those with opposing opinions and views, even if others cannot grant me the same respect. 

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Today is also International Women's Day! I wanted to say how thankful I am for all of the women in my life: my mom, my sisters, my grandmas, my aunts, my friends. I have such amazing examples and mentors in my life. Thank you for showing me kindness, determination, charity, compassion, divinity, dedication, how to be myself, and that, no matter what, I have an armada of love behind me. 

I am grateful for my Heavenly Mother, and for the example that She is to me. I am grateful for the peace and love that I feel whenever I think of Her. I am grateful for Her quiet influence in my life. I am grateful for the love and strength that She gives me. I am grateful for the hand that She has had in my life. 

It has been a pretty busy and difficult week for me in a lot of ways, but I am so grateful for not only my Heavenly Parents and my Savior, but for my cute fiancé, who has been holding my hand (literally and figuratively) the whole week. He is my person and my rock and I can't imagine life without him.

I hope you all have a wonderful week! I am looking forward to getting some things done this week and to cross a few things off my to-do list. This will be a great week! I can do hard things! God is with me and will help me get through it, and He is with you and will help you through it, as well!! He loves you very much and is so proud of you! I love you and am proud of you as well! Keep it up! 

Xoxo

Mattie

Gratitude changes everything.

I am so full of gratitude this week!

I am thankful for my Savior, Jesus Christ, and for His sacrifice for me, which makes it so that I can be with my family forever, and with Ricky forever. It makes it so that I get to try again and again to be like Him in order for me to live with my Heavenly Father again.

I am so grateful for Ricky. He is so thoughtful and sweet. I am so excited to be marrying him! He is a blessing gin my life and he is my best friend. There is so much that we still have to do to plan our wedding our future together, but he is oh-so-willing to help me (in most things 🤣).

I am grateful for the angels in my life–on this earth, and on the other side. I am grateful for the love, peace, and guidance that they–and the Holy Ghost–give to me. I am so blessed to have angels on both sides of the veil in my life to bless, love, and support me.

I am grateful for the Book of Mormon. I am grateful for its testimony of Jesus Christ, and for the truths in its pages, and for the lessons that these truths teach me. I am grateful for the peace that it brings into my life, and for the answers that come as I search its pages.

I am grateful for my Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother. I am grateful for Her divinity and strength. I am grateful for His mercy and grace. I am grateful for Their love and guidance. I am grateful for the blessings they give to me, and for the big part that They play in my life. I am so thankful that Heavenly Father is always willing to bless me and lift me up.

I am grateful for friends and family who are always willing to help me, especially with wedding plans as my wedding is coming up. Everyone has been offering help and advice, and I so appreciate it.

When we are grateful, and notice our blessings, we're happier. I've seen this in my life. As we recognize the Lord's hand in our lives, we are able to notice more and more all of the good things in our lives. The more grateful we are, the more dopamine that our brain makes, which means that we are happier! It's science! I learned that in college! But I've also experienced it in my life. I am grateful for the love and peace that being grateful has brought to me. What are you grateful for?

I hope that everyone has a great week! God loves you! I love you! Thanks for all of the love and support!!

Xoxo
Mattie

It's time to start.

I’m in the middle of wedding planning right now, and it’s been taking up my every thought.

But today I was able to take a step back, and I realized something.

I realized that sometimes, life is HARD. Planning a wedding is HARD. Trying to get a new job is HARD. Trying to spend time with my family, friends, and fiancé (hahaha the three “f’s”) can be HARD. Trying to be a better disciple of Jesus Christ is HARD. Trying to live as He did, and to live the gospel, is HARD.

There are days when I am looking and looking and planning and planning but I get nothing done. There are days where I don’t have enough time to spend with my loved ones. There are days where I fail multiple times at being a good disciple of Christ. There are days where I don’t live the gospel as well as I would like.

This is NORMAL. Everyone struggles. We are all struggling at life. It’s not always big or noticeable, but we are always struggling. It’s important to remember that we are all loved and cherished by a loving Father in Heaven. He knows how we are feeling, and that we are struggling. He wants to help us but we need to turn to Him. We need to ask Him for help. We need to do our part, and then humbly kneel and ask in prayer for His help and guidance. We need to be prepared to move forward with faith.

We don’t need to feel overwhelmed. We need to remember to just start doing SOMETHING. Start by praying for peace. Or guidance. Start by reading the scriptures. Or conference talks. Start with ONE thing. And God will help you. You just need to start.

We also need to remember that when we ask God for one thing, He will often give it to us in a completely different way than we asked or intended for. That’s okay. He knows what we need. We just need to be open to the possibility that what He gives us is different than what we asked for, but that it must be what we need.

Happy Sunday! Hope you have had a peaceful Sunday and that you have a wonderful week!

Xoxo
Mattie

God’s love shines through the darkness

Grateful for the chances I have to share my love of music and the Savior! Next week I’m playing in sacrament meeting (my violin!) and I am so excited! We practiced today and it sounded so beautiful! I can’t wait for my ward to hear it.

I’m also grateful for the chances that I have to serve and bless those around me! Yesterday I had the opportunity to watch my friend’s kids while she and her husband went to the Salt Lake Temple. It was so much fun! Her kids are just so, so darling and I love them to pieces and I was so glad I got to watch them while she went out with her husband. I know how important it is for parents to have date night, and I am always down to play with the kids. We had such a wonderful time, it was so sweet. 💜

Today, my family watched the First Presidency’s Christmas Devotional, which was so good!! Afterwards, we watched the new Christmas movie, Christmas Jars, which was so cute! Right now, I’m watching the Tabernacle Choir Christmas Concert from a few years ago, featuring  Sutton Foster and Hugh Bonneville, with my parents. It’s such an amazing concert! I highly recommend it! It’s full of Christmas love and feelings. “God’s love does shine in the darkness.” 💜💜💜

I’m so grateful and excited for Christmas. I’m grateful for my Savior, whose life led the way for us to be able to learn, grow, and be able to become like (and someday live with again) my Heavenly Parents. I’m grateful for His mother, Mary, and for her love for God, and her sacrifices.

For those who do not celebrate Christmas, I wish you the happiest of holidays! May you have peace, love, and happiness this holiday season.

May you have a wonderful week! This week, my family and I are going to see A Christmas Carol at the Hale Center Theater in Orem and I’m very excited! I love the story and am grateful for the messages it shares.

I’m grateful for the blessings in my life, and for the people in my life. I’m grateful for a loving Savior, a loving Father in Heaven, and a loving Mother in Heaven. I’m grateful for the power of love, and for the chances I have to love and serve those around me—whether or not I know them personally. It’s such an amazing experience to serve people who I’ve just barely met, and it’s even better to serve my loved ones. 💜💜💜

Again, have a blessed and wonderful week!! Love you!

Xoxo
Mattie