Personal reflection and revelation.

It's been a while since I've posted on my blog. School has kept me insanely busy!

This semester is already halfway over! I had four classes, with one being only a seven-week course, so I am so glad that that class is over! I have a bit more time to work on the homework for my two digital content creation classes, which both include all of the editing and recording you can imagine for a video production course and an audio production course. After this semester, if I have done my math correctly, I have ONE semester left! I will not be taking classes in the spring/summer, but if all goes according to plan I will be finishing out my time at Ensign College in the fall semester!

I would like to thank my cute husband, my scholarship benefactors, and my Father in Heaven for all of the blessings, miracles, and support that I have been able to receive during my time at Ensign. While it has been stressful and exhausting at times, I have always been able to get my work done (mostly) on time.

I didn't have a long or thoughtful post planned for today. I just really wanted to get on and post a little update. I am really grateul for so many things, but I just wanted to give a shoutout to something that I have been participating in since August now and I wanted to share how it has blessed my life.

First shoutout goes to Sister Emily Belle Freeman, Young Women General President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. She has a program called Inklings that is a worldwide institute class. Second shoutout goes to my sweet friend Tara, who posted about it on Facebook inviting anyone who wanted to join to do so. I jumped at the opportunity because I need Jesus in my life and I need an accountability buddy.

This experience has been such a blessing for me. Each week we read a chosen talk from the October 2024 General Conference, meet with our study group (mine meets on Tuesdays), and then every Thursday morning, Emily goes live on Instagram to discuss the talk. Afterwards, the Live story becomes available on her Inklings podcast. I haven't always been able to be on the live, but I really love and enjoy the fact that she has put each one on a podcast. Those are so much easier for me to listen to during my week. As life is crazy busy, sometimes I miss a talk. But I am getting better at being more proactive and listening to the talks in the week. I am trying to be better about listening to the podcast as well. I haven't always been a podcast kind of person, but I am slowly learning to love them–at least, the ones I've found that discuss the Gospel. :)

I am so grateful for the sweet messages and connections that I have been able to hear and receive due to this group of women I've joined with to discuss the Gospel with. We have had so many sweet, beautiful, powerful, and emotional experiences and interactions together. It has been so great to discuss the Gospel with them every week. It is the highlight of my work/school-week and I am so blessed to have been able to be a part of it for the last couple of months. :)

I hope you all have a great week! I hope that I will be able to post more frequently now that my classwork load is significantly lighter since one of my classes has ended now.

I am looking forward to the additional discussions about the Gospel that are coming this year. I am so grateful for a loving Savior and God who knows that we are imperfect, but He still wants us to turn to Him so we can live with Him again.

Xoxo

Mattie

The next right thing.

Not only have I had “The Next Right Thing” from Frozen 2 stuck in my head today, but I have been thinking about how grateful I am for the opportunity to partake of the sacrament each week so that I can renew my covenants with God and have the chance to start anew each week as I try to remember each and every day to keep doing the next right thing.

“I won't look too far ahead
It's too much for me to take
But break it down to this next breath, this next step
This next choice is one that I can make
So I'll walk through this night
Stumbling blindly toward the light
And do the next right thing
And, with it done, what comes then?
When it's clear that everything will never be the same again
Then I'll make the choice to hear that voice
And do the next right thing.”

All we can do—all that God asks us to do—is keep trying to do the right thing. Every day, we have choices to make. There are bad choices, okay choices, good choices, better choices, best choices. Sometimes, we don't always make the right choices. 

In his talk entitled "Good, Better, Best", then-Elder Dallin H. Oaks discusses the differences between good, better, and best choices for individuals and families. We need to consider the best ways to spend our time, alone and with our families. We might often feel the need to go above and beyond, but there are days and moments when it is the quiet little things that are the best options. 

While I don't always make the best choices sometimes, I am still learning, growing, and trying. I am grateful for a loving, gracious God who lets me make my own choices, learn from my mistakes, and try again. I am grateful for loving Heavenly Parents who want what is best for me, and who want me to be able to return to live with Them again someday. I am grateful for a loving Savior, who suffered and died for me so that I might repent time and time again as I am learning and growing and trying to become a better person.

I am grateful for the love of my friends and family, as well as of my husband, who is so sweet and thoughtful. I am grateful for loving Heavenly Parents, and for Their examples, encouragement, guidance, and support as I try to do the next right thing each and every day.

I hope you all have had a wonderful Sunday! It was very relaxed and peaceful for us today. I hope you all have a wonderful week! 

Xoxo

Mattie

Progress isn't perfect, it's progress.

Happy New Year! I hope you all celebrated safely with your friends and family. :)

This year, I am wanting to work more on my scripture study, working on Family History, exercising/stretching several times a week, and on taking a step back before I engage in any conversations that might cause me to be extra emotional (for various reasons, many of which are "because I am too overcome with the fulness of my emotions and can't properly voice my feelings without crying").

So far, I am doing pretty okay at these things. There is always room for improvement, and I am excited to see where I go from here! In addition to these things, I am also trying to be more okay with the times that things don't go as I had planned. Sometimes it's hard. I am trying harder every day to rise above my emotions and take control. Because my emotions don't control me; I control my emotions. It's okay to feel sad, and angry, but only for a little while. Taking hold of the reins is hard, but I am learning. 

I am trying very hard to remember to look ahead in comfort and peace, and not to look back in dismay and regret–I am not going that direction. You can't move backwards, and you can't change the past. So keep moving forward and change your future. 

I am also trying to remember that I don't need to be perfect at all these things all at the same time. It's okay for my progress to go up and down in some areas. Progress isn't perfect, it's progress. Life is up and down, and so is our progress at times. 

Luke 2 verses 40 and 52 says:

40 And the child grew, and waxed strong in spirit, filled with wisdom: and the grace of God was upon him.

52 And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and man.

Just like Jesus, we, too, grow and learn bit by bit, line upon line, precept on precept. He didn't know everything all at once, and He didn't grow all at once.

I love that God knows me, and that He knows what I need. I love that He knows where I am, and where I am going. I love that He is guiding me, and trusting me, and working with me. I am grateful for a husband who loves me and lets me take my time. I am grateful for a Savior who knows how to help me, and who loves me where I am.

Happy Sunday! I hope you all had a wonderful day. My younger brother Lander was ordained to the office of Deacon in our Church today and I am so proud of him! He is a smart, helpful, and sweet little guy who will do much good in the world!

I hope this week is full of tender mercies and blessings for you! God loves you, and I do too! May this year be one of growth for us all!

Xoxo

Mattie

Christlike in marriage.

 Happy four months to my sweet husband!

As of today, we have officially been married for four months, and I can honestly say life is better with Ricky than without. There are lots of ups and downs, and there are moments when we do not agree on things, but we are learning. We are learning how to compromise, how to love each other, how to bless each other, and how to be more Christlike. 

We were watching Beauty and the Beast (2017) yesterday, and–during the scene where the Wardrobe was helping Belle with her dress–as I was mentally admiring Belle's beautiful dress, I said, "I wish I was a princess," and Ricky said, "Why do you think I make you dinner every other night?" And that is my husband, ladies and gentleman. He is such a blessing to me, and I am so grateful for him.  🥰💜

We are both still learning things about each other, and while it can be hard some days, at the end of the day, he is my best friend, my person, my love, and my HOME. With him, I am comfortable. I'm not afraid to speak my mind–but I do need to work on attitude and tone. With him, I am honest. I tell him every day how I feel about him–I say, "I love you" probably about 20,000 times a day. With him, I am true. Sometimes he gets my jokes, and sometimes he doesn't–but I make the jokes anyway because it fits the moment. With him, I am myself. There are days when I just need to cry, and he holds me and lets me cry. And in those moments, life is perfect. Because I am with my husband, being vulnerable, and he is with me, being loving and supportive. 

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The other day, I posted on my Facebook page something that I wanted to share here. The link to the post is here. But I also wanted to post the picture and words here, just because I am proud of them:

I’m grateful for beauty, grace, mercy, love, and kindness. I watched the 2015 version of Cinderella tonight and was reminded of the beauty that is Lily James’ version of Cinderella. The movie is beautiful, cinematographically, as well as story-wise. It is absolutely one of my favorites and I will never get tired of watching it. 

The quote said by Ella’s mother towards the beginning of the movie is one of my favorites, and I LOVE how Ella exemplifies it throughout the movie. She is full of grace and beauty, as well as kindness. I believe she is so Christlike and loving in this rendition. 

We must have courage and be kind, even when others are not being kind. We must have courage and be loving, even when others are not. 

Love is the answer to all of the problems in this world, I know it. Love and kindness. 💜

Happy Sabbath Day, friends and family! God loves you, and I do too! I hope you all have a blessed week. I am looking forward to this week, as I should be able to start working on other projects besides "cleaning and organizing my house". I'm excited to start decorating, and to finish my curtains projects, and to start my refinishing furniture projects. It's going to take me a few weeks, I'm sure, but I am excited to move into this next chapter of projects!

Xoxo

Mattie

Shining bright with hope.

It's been a few weeks since I've updated my blog. I'm sorry about that. Life has been crazy and hectic. Things have been changing almost every day and it's been stressing me out, and I needed to take a breather.

Over the last few weeks, I have had a lot going on. I have had the opportunity to move into my new apartment, where Ricky will be joining me on May 20th when we are married. I have had the stress of a new job, which keeps changing things almost every day, and it's very hard to keep track of sometimes. And I have still been finalizing weddings plans. We were kind of counting on being able to use the church's cultural hall, but that is no longer an option. Instead, we will be getting married in my parents' front yard, and we are trying to figure out how to do a Facebook live or Zoom call or something like that so that Ricky's parents can participate, as well as any other extended family and friends of ours that would like to participate.

Today, the Church released that they are opening some temples in Utah for live sealings of previously endowed members. Ricky and I fall into this category. While I would much like to wait until we can invite so many more of our family and friends, as the future is unknown and we don't know when that would be, we are going to try to be sealed as soon as possible. While I am unsure yet how many guests we can have, I am sure it will be no more than 20, as that is the state's current number for "groups".

I am not going to lie, I am kind of super disappointed and sad. This whole experience has just been STRESSFUL for me. I haven't been able to really enjoy my time being engaged. My wedding plans have been changing on the daily, and I don't even know what's happening anymore. The minute that some temples were announced as being reopened for previously endowed members of the Church to be sealed as husband and wife, EVERYONE I know was sending me the link to the article, and asking if that changed things. I am not going to lie–I cried on my lunch break today because I was so overwhelmed and stressed. I was just about ready to relax because everything was pretty much done for the wedding–we just needed to buy Ricky's tie, probably some wedding decorations, and get/make food for the wedding brunch–and then the temples reopened and added a new element for me to think on.

I am really trying not to stress about this, but it is just so much more emotionally and mentally taxing for me than I thought it would be. I am grateful that I have Ricky to lean on. He has been so amazing through everything. I am so lucky to be the one that he chooses everyday, and I am so grateful that I get to choose him every day. It's the best and easiest choice I've ever made in my entire life. He is the brightest spot in my life when things are dark. He is always shining bright, and I love that about him.

Photo Credit: Beyond The Darkroom Photography

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In Elder L. Whitney Clayton's General Conference talk in April 2013 "Marriage: Watch and Learn", he gives some great marriage advice that I loved.

"First, I have observed that in the happiest marriages both the husband and wife consider their relationship to be a pearl beyond price, a treasure of infinite worth. They both leave their fathers and mothers and set out together to build a marriage that will prosper for eternity. They understand that they walk a divinely ordained path. They know that no other relationship of any kind can bring as much joy, generate as much good, or produce as much personal refinement. Watch and learn: the best marriage partners regard their marriages as priceless.

Next, faith. Successful eternal marriages are built on the foundation of faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and adherence to His teachings. I have observed that couples who have made their marriages priceless practice the patterns of faith: they attend sacrament and other meetings every week, hold family home evening, pray and study the scriptures together and as individuals, and pay an honest tithing. Their mutual quest is to be obedient and good. They do not consider the commandments to be a buffet from which they can pick and choose only the most appealing offerings.

Faith is the foundation of every virtue that strengthens marriage. Strengthening faith strengthens marriage. Faith grows as we keep the commandments, and so do the harmony and joy in marriage. Thus, keeping the commandments is fundamental to establishing strong eternal marriages. Watch and learn: faith in the Lord Jesus Christ is the foundation of happy eternal marriages.

Third, repentance. I have learned that happy marriages rely on the gift of repentance. It is an essential element in every good marital relationship. Spouses who regularly conduct honest self-examination and promptly take needed steps to repent and improve experience a healing balm in their marriages. Repentance helps restore and maintain harmony and peace.

Humility is the essence of repentance. Humility is selfless, not selfish. It doesn’t demand its own way or speak with moral superiority. Instead, humility answers softly and listens kindly for understanding, not vindication. Humility recognizes that no one can change someone else, but with faith, effort, and the help of God, we can undergo our own mighty change of heart. Experiencing the mighty change of heart causes us to treat others, especially our spouses, with meekness. Humility means that both husbands and wives seek to bless, help, and lift each other, putting the other first in every decision. Watch and learn: repentance and humility build happy marriages.

Fourth, respect. I have observed that in wonderful, happy marriages, husbands and wives treat each other as equal partners. Practices from any place or any time in which husbands have dominated wives or treated them in any way as second-class partners in marriage are not in keeping with divine law and should be replaced by correct principles and patterns of behavior."

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I am so excited to be Ricky's partner and equal in life. I am so excited to go shopping every other weekend with him. I am so excited to discuss dinner options for the week. I am so excited to wake up next to him every morning. I am so excited to be able to study our scriptures and pray together in our own home. I am so excited to be able to create our life and family together. I am so excited to be able to grow closer together and grow closer to God together. I am so excited to be able to move forward in life with him by my side. Together, I know that we will be able to make our way through this crazy adventure called life together. 

I am so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who has blessed me in so many ways. I am so grateful for the examples that I have to look up to in my life of great marriages. I am grateful for the wonderful friends and family who have been so supportive and loving. Even though things keep changing on me, and it is stressful, I am learning to work through them. I am learning to take things one thing at a time. Some days, I don't always remember that. But each day is something new. Each day is different. Each day is a blessing. And I know that I am never alone.

Xoxo

Mattie

Tiny green sprouts.

This week has been a busy week!

First, my brother was set apart as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and was dropped off at the MTC this week. That was an exciting moment but also an emotional one. I am so proud of him and can't wait to hear all about his adventures.

Next, not only did I have my 23rd birthday, but I also went to see the Midway Ice Castles, went wedding dress shopping twice, and found my dress! I found THE ONE! I feel so beautiful in it and I am so happy!!

The wedding planning is coming along nicely. I'm less stressed now that I have my wedding dress! That was probably the most stressful part, and now all I have left to do is alterations!

I am so thankful for my Heavenly Father, and for His love and mercy. I am grateful for all the second chances He gives me over and over again. I am grateful for His Son, Jesus Christ, and for the sacrifice that He made for me so that I can live with my Father in Heaven again someday.

I am so thankful for my sweetheart, Ricky. He is like our Heavenly Father in that he gives me so much love, mercy, and second chances. He is so respectful, honors his priesthood, and he loves me wholly. I am so grateful for his sacrifices for me, and for all that he does for me. I am so excited for our wedding in May and can't wait to begin our life together! (P.S. If you would like an announcement, please fill out this link here)

I am looking forward to this week. I am sad because I will be leaving the daycare, but I am excited to be moving forward in my life. I have a few potential jobs right now and I am hoping to be able to have more time to do wedding stuff. I know that God is blessing my life right now, and I know that this is what He wants for me at this time. I am moving forward with faith and hope that everything will work out the way that it is supposed to.

I love my Heavenly Father and am so grateful for His hand in my life. Sometimes it seems like things are going to work out, and then they crash and burn, but amidst the rubble, there is a tiny green sprout that ends up working out instead.

I've had many moments in my life where I thought things were going to work out, but then they crashed and burned. But I've been able to recognize the tiny green sprouts in my life. I've been able to recognize the blessings, and I am so thankful for those tiny green sprouts. They have grown into the most beautiful garden.

I thank God every day that I have so many blessings. I am grateful for my family, my friends–all of my loved ones who have blessed my life in many ways. Some of them have been my tiny green sprouts–the tender mercies in my life. They have helped me grow and learn, and I am so thankful for them. 

I hope you have a wonderful week! I hope that your Sunday has been very relaxing and peaceful. God loves you so much, and I do too. 

Xoxo

Mattie

Improving my relationship with Heavenly Father.

Today in Sacrament Meeting, I was reading the conference talk "Unwavering Commitment to Jesus Christ" by Elder Dale G. Renlund. I really loved this talk! I wrote down a few things that I was thinking about while I read the talk, and afterwards when I was pondering on what I had read. I hope that some of them will be helpful for others.

One question that I was pondering was, "What symbolic action can I do to show my commitment to Jesus Christ?" And while I was thinking about this, I realized that there are a LOT of things that I can do to show my commitment to Jesus Christ that I am not doing. I think that one thing I struggle with is that sometimes I try to do all of the things at the same time. And I can't actually handle that. So I need to stop trying to do everything all at once. And I need to start with ONE thing at a time. God understands where I am, and He understands what I can do. And as long as I am giving Him my all, that is enough. 

Elder Renlund said that, "Being 'converted unto the Lord' means leaving one course of action, directed by an old belief system, and adopting a new one based on faith in Heavenly Father's plan and in Jesus Christ and His Atonement.  

This change is more than an intellectual acceptance of gospel teachings. It shapes our identity, transforms our understanding of life’s meaning, and leads to unchanging fidelity to God. Personal desires that are contrary to being anchored to the Savior and to following the covenant path fade away and are replaced by a determination to submit to the will of Heavenly Father. 

Being converted unto the Lord starts with an unwavering commitment to God, followed by making that commitment part of who we are. Internalizing such a commitment is a lifelong process that requires patience and ongoing repentance. Eventually, this commitment becomes part of who we are, embedded in our sense of self, and ever present in our lives. Just as we never forget our own name no matter what else we are thinking about, we never forget a commitment that is etched in our hearts."

Every emphasis in the previous quote was added by me. Those are the most important parts to me right now. Conversion to the Lord is MORE than knowledge. Conversion to the Lord is a CHANGE. I think it's not a coincidence that we call it "being converted to the Lord" when "conversion" means, "the process of changing or causing something to change from one form to another". When we are converted–or working on it–we are working on becoming like Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father. We are working to change from our current form into a better one. One that is more like God. And this is something that we need to be continuously doing.

So, after pondering "being converted unto the Lord", I began to ponder a new question. "How can I improve my relationship with Heavenly Father?" And I came up with a lot of personal ways that I can improve my relationship with Heavenly Father. It's different for everyone. Some of the ways that I have been thinking about involve more personal study and prayer. They involve writing in my journal, updating my blog...things that mean a lot to me, and are ways that help me think and ponder about my life, and about the Lord.

I think that as I am doing all of these things to begin to improve my relationship with Heavenly Father, all of the things that I have been struggling with, and that have stressed me out recently, my problems won't go away, but I will have the Lord with me, and I will be able to overcome them. As I serve those around me, I will be blessed with the capacity to love more and be more patient. My attitude, personality, and temper will improve, and I will have better mental health.

Xoxo
Mattie

A year of changes, learning, and growth.

So, the last couple of months/weeks, the main thing in my life that I have been focusing on is my finances. I have been working on trying to budget and save money so that I can stop living from paycheck to paycheck every few weeks when I have random expenses come up. I also want to build up a significant savings account for future unexpected incidents/expenses. I keep getting interrupted by life, and I keep discovering other ways to track my money and budget, so I haven't entirely gotten very far yet. 😂

However, this has yet to deter me, as I keep trying to make notes of my finances. I think that I have been underestimating the amount of expenses that I actually have to pay every month, and so I keep getting low on funds because I think I have more money to work with than I do. 

I know that, as I have been watching my money usage, I have been blessed. I know that as I have paid my tithing first and foremost, I have seen the hand of the Lord in my life. Because somehow...even when I have thought that I didn't have enough...I figured out a way to make it work. 

I'm grateful for the little lessons in life, and for the little tender mercies. God has really been so good to me this year, I honestly can't even comprehend it. This year has probably been one of the craziest years in that I've had probably the greatest number of changes occurring in my life this year than in previous years, which has resulted in the greatest number of changes and the greatest amount of growth to myself. 

Xoxo

Mattie

He has the most perfect plan for me.

Okay, so this week was super interesting! It started off normal, but on Tuesday I got the news that I will be taking over the preschool classroom at work! I am very nervous but also very excited! I also received my college diploma in the mail on Tuesday! It is now official–I am a COLLEGE GRADUATE!!

Tuesday was honestly such a blessing, because for the first time in a long time, I finally feel like I have a purpose. These last couple of weeks/months have been really hard for me in many ways, but receiving my diploma and getting to teach the three-year-olds at work is a bright spot at the end of the tunnel.

In Relief Society today, we discussed the General Conference talk "Abound with Blessings" by Elder Renlund.

We talked about how we don't earn blessings, but we do have to qualify for them. We also don't get to  pick and choose the blessings we get. God gives us the blessings that we need–and also when we need them. Elder Renlund said, "Blessings are never earned, but faith-inspired actions on our part, both initial and ongoing, are essential."

Blessings come on God's timetable–even if we are qualified. Sometimes there are things that we have to learn by waiting. We have to have faith, and patience. It's hard. Really it is. There are things that I want more than anything in the world but am unable to have right now and it's HARD to have faith. It's HARD to have patience. It's HARD to trust that God knows best and that everything will work out in the end.

But I was talking with some friends this week, and they gave me some really good advice. One of my friends said, "We can have lives tailor-made for us by the One who sees it all...God is still looking out for you, regardless of how content you are with your life." I really loved that. I need to trust Him because it's not up to me. It's in His hands. He has the most perfect plan for me, and He is looking out for me–even when I'm upset and confused about what is going on in my life.

I've been seeing His hand a lot in my life this week. For the first time in a long time I feel like I have a purpose. I feel like I can make a difference. I feel like I can actually do some good. I'm terrified beyond explanation to teach, but I am grateful for not only an amazing boss who is willing to help me as I'm trying to get ready to start to teach these kiddos next week, but I'm grateful for an amazing God who is blessing me with opportunities to grow. Even when I doubt Him sometimes. Even when I doubt myself. Even when I don't really understand why I am going through what I am going through. He is giving me opportunities to work on myself, and to work on trusting Him. I'm learning to live in the moment and live for myself.

I'm really grateful for the love of my Heavenly Father. I am grateful that He still loves and blesses me even when I do not always entirely trust Him. I am trying to be better about trusting Him, and seeing that there are good things about my life each and every day. I am not perfect, and every day I struggle with lots of different things–sometimes the same things each day. But I am trying to be better. And I know that even if my trust in God is growing by baby steps, it is still growing. And I know that that is all He asks of me.

I hope you all have a wonderful week! July is almost over, and August is almost here! It's so weird to think that I won't be going back to school as a student! I'm really excited for this next chapter in my life–terrified, yes, but excited.

Xoxo
Mattie

Christ can take our pain and make it into a blessing.

This week has been crazy–what with finishing my last finals, starting my job full-time, and technically kind of having an emotional breakdown as one chapter of my life was ending and a new one is beginning. I think that I've felt every emotion under the sun and then some this week.

Learning patience, tolerance, and other emotions like that sucks. I wish that I could just see where God wants me to be. Or what He wants me to do. Or learn. I wish I could trust Him more in different aspects of my life. It's rough, you know? I just want to be with someone who will make me happy who I can make happy, and who I can build a life with...but my life is more than just a path, more than just a journey, more than just a destination...my life is a CHANCE. A chance to be someone better. A chance at happiness. And it starts with me. Even if I already feel like I've been doing everything right, God knows when the TIMING is right.

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Brother Smith talked in sacrament meeting about a few scriptures in the 2nd Epistle of Peter, and there were a few things that he talked about that I wanted to mention. He asked a question: How do we get from faith to charity? And then he answered the question. My favorite thing that he talked about was the definition of virtue. He said that virtue means to do good, and to be good, and I loved that! It gave a new meaning to the scripture "let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly". Virtue is goodness and if we let GOODNESS garnish our thoughts, life will be better.

In Relief Society, we talked about the General Conference talk by Tad R. Callister entitled "The Atonement of Jesus Christ" and I loved all of the comments and the direction that the discussion went in.

We talked about forgiveness, and how forgiveness comes from love. We talked about how God's forgiveness and forgiveness from others in our life are not entangled together. You can still be forgiven by God, even if those in our life do not forgive us. I thought that was a beautiful thought. No matter what happens, you can be forgiven by God.

We talked about how people can CHANGE and how we need to see people as they ARE and not as they WERE. I think that this is such an important reminder–not only about others, but as ourselves, too. I know that I have struggled with this at times in my life, but I am not the same person as I was. Even if it doesn't seem like I have changed much sometimes, I know deep down that I have changed a lot. I need to let myself stay changed, and we need to let others stay changed.

Our Savior is always with us–and no matter what we go through, He will be there to strengthen us. He will be there to help us deal with the pain, and the struggles, and He will be there to help us learn and grow from it. He will be there to help us find the blessings in our trials.

I have two things to share now. One is a little thought I had during the last little bit of Relief Society.

TRUST. Trust is HARD. Trusting a Being that you can't see is hard, too. 

PATIENCE. Patience is HARD. Patiently waiting for blessings to come is hard, too. 

FAITH. Faith is HARD. Having faith that everything will turn out all right is hard, too. 

Faith is the pathway to happiness. As we trust the Lord, and are patient, those things that we want will come in time. 

The other thing is this: life is easier said than done. But as we take little steps in the direction that we want, God will bless us with the confirmation that it is right, or the knowledge that it is not right. I am still learning to accept this, and to accept that right now, God wants me to choose of the things that I have been pondering, and that any one of them is going to be right. I'm absolutely TERRIFIED that I am going to make the wrong decision...but I need to trust that God will take the one I choose and use it to help me grow and change.

Xoxo
Mattie

It is the motivation that is important.

So I decided to take a seven-day fast from social media last week and it was probably one of the best decisions I could have made last week! Especially because I had the privilege of working on two papers, studying for one midterm, and dealing with my first-ever migraine during about 3/5ths of the week. I also bought my graduation announcements, as well as my cap and gown! Graduation is coming up so fast, and yet, not fast enough!

What a weekend! Porter turned 8 and was baptized yesterday! And Tyler had his Eagle Court of Honor tonight. I am so proud of both of them! I am so thankful for my family and for the blessing that I have of being sealed to them for time and all eternity.

Porter and I after his confirmation on Saturday.

I am grateful for my Savior, who lived, preached, blessed, and served His whole life to be an example to us. I am grateful that He loved us so much, He was willing to atone and die for us. I do not believe that He could have even imagined the suffering that He would endure for us, but I am grateful that when He felt inadequate, and didn't want to do it anymore, He said to His Father, "Nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done" and He held on. He wasn't alone, either; He had help from an angel on high, giving Him strength.

I think that we can learn a lot from the experience of the Savior in the Garden of Gethsemane and at Calvary.

When we were first told of the Plan of Salvation, I am sure that we rejoiced beyond belief at the thought of one day becoming like our Father and being able to live with Him forever. But I am also sure that we did not know exactly what we would go through in this life. I am sure we knew we would have trials in our life, but I don't think we would have been able to understand the depths of our trials and experiences.

Much like Jesus, sometimes I no longer want to do my part, but also like Him, I know that God has a plan for not only me, but all of us, and sometimes His plan for others involves me, so I have to ready, and there, to do His will. And even when we feel alone sometimes, we have angels on Earth and in Heaven who are standing beside us and helping us stand.

One thing that we discussed in Sunday School today was that sometimes God tells us to do things that contradict each other, but upon further thought and discussion in my mind, I decided that it's not necessarily that they contradict each other...it's just that we are not thinking about it in the right mindset. Jesus tells us to do things in secret...Tanner said that he thought it meant individually, and one-on-one. Jesus also tells us to let our light shine...I thought that it meant that we aren't supposed to hide or publicize our works. We are just supposed to live our life, and go about doing what we do, and not focus on our appearance to others.

The Lord has shown us that we are to be a person like Him, and we should seek the Spirit and act accordingly. We can learn from those around in how they act and live. We can learn from how they learn from their personal promptings, and we can learn from how they seek God, and His Spirit.

We talked about how we can know the Savior. There's lots of things that we can do, like going to church, reading our scriptures, and saying our prayers, but if we don't believe in what we're doing, and if we don't learn and grow from the experiences, we can't know of Him. If we really want to know Him, we have to be like Him. We have to change our thoughts and hearts to be like His.

God knows us so deeply and intimately that He knows what we need. He is always waiting for us to try to get to know Him! It is up to us to keep that relationship strong.

I love my Savior and my Heavenly Father and am so grateful for the knowledge that I have of their Holiness and Divinity. I am grateful that I have taken the steps needed to change and become more in tune with the Spirit and to become more inline with what They have in store for me.

I hope you all have a wonderful week! I know this week will be better than last week for me and I hope that you all know how much I love you! I hope you also know that I have a testimony of the graciousness of my Father in Heaven, and of the love that He has for all of us. I have a testimony that Jesus is the Christ, and that He suffered in Gethsemane and on the cross at Calvary to save each and every one of us. God is great, and I am so blessed.

Xoxo
Mattie

There is a work to do that only you can do.

This week, I've learned a lot about the difference between what I want for me, and what God wants for me. But I've also learned a lot about how sometimes, it's entirely up to me.

I've been thinking a lot about my future plans after graduation, and how it's very up in the air. There's nothing set in stone for future job opportunities, and it's very frustrating for me haha. I feel like I'm going to pick the wrong job, the wrong city, the wrong place to live...which is poppycock. If I feel good about it, it will be fine. I guess the thing that scares me the most is there are so many options, and I don't want to make the wrong choice.

ANYWAY.

The main thing I've learned this week...is to keep praying, and trust that God will provide. Have faith that things will work out. All of this is easier said than done...but I know that things will unfold in miraculous and beautiful ways, and all of the things that God has promised me will happen in time.

I also learned something about personal revelation this week. I learned that I might be placing all of the ways that God normally speaks to me in a box...and not looking outside that box for answers. I learned that I need to open my eyes a little more.

Last week, Sister Jean B. Bingham of the General Relief Society presidency came to speak to my stake and a few others, and it was AMAZING! I am so grateful I went! She talked about so many things that I really loved. She talked about how we are often the hardest on ourselves...But Heavenly Father knows absolutely everything about us, and He loves us! He absolutely adores us and has such an amazing plan for us. He has such confidence and trust in us. He is completely and perfectly loving.

She talked about how we need to take time to enjoy the beauties of each day. There is something beautiful in every day...Even if it is just one thing. Even if it is something small.

She talked about Proverbs 3:5-6 in depth and I loved what she expounded upon.
"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."
Trust means to rely on the integrity, strength, and ability of someone (also known as 'faith')
We have to open our heart for spiritual guidance. We don't know everything.
In all thy ways means everything. Physical, spiritual, emotional, etc.
Acknowledge Him in everything. Look for His hand, and recognize that anything we accomplish, we accomplish with His help.
He shall direct thy paths–This one really stood out to me. He allows us to learn from our decisions, and He gives us little nudges and hints that help us grow and learn, and develop. Sometimes He doesn't give us the answer outright because He trusts us to make our own decisions.

There are many roads...but only one path. The covenant path. We are stronger because of the covenants we make. I loved this point that she made and am so grateful for my decision to go through the temple last month. Every week, I am more and more grateful, and more and more sure, that that was the right decision. She said that joy is a result of keeping our covenants, and I know that this is true.

My favorite quote that she said was, "Married or not, there is a work for you to do that only you can do." There are things that only you can contribute...The Lord can use you for incredible good. The Lord uses us in many ways to bless those around us. Is there something you can do to change the life of just one? Yes, there is. And you don't have to travel thousands of miles to make a difference.

The last thing that I loved that she talked about were 4 keys to progress.

1. Trust in the Lord
2. Remember who you are
3. Act in faith
-the mistake that we often make is doing nothing. Make a choice, and then find out what you can learn from the experience.
4. Keep your covenants
-It is up to us to figure out how to use the gifts we have been given...It is up to us to figure out how to embrace and learn from our covenants.

Jesus Christ is always the answer. He is the Rock, and if we build on Him, we will not fall.

I am learning each and every day about how imperfect I am, and about how much God really wants me to return to Him. Remembering to trust Him...and actually trusting Him...is sometimes harder than it sounds. I'm not perfect at it–far from it–but the Lord knows that, and understands that, and He makes it so that I can have help. He has placed some amazing people and examples in my life. I can turn to them anytime and they will always help me when they are able. They always say exactly what I need to hear and I know that God works miracles for me through them. I hope that I can be like them in time, and be able to bless those around me.

I hope you all have a wonderful week! Remember whose you are, and that He has a plan for you! He loves you very much, and so do I.

Xoxo
Mattie

Kindness begins with me.

I can't believe I'm starting school this week!! This is my last year of college!!! I'm so excited and so NERVOUS!! But I think it'll be a fantastic year!! :)

I thank God every day for the fact that I have made it as far as I have. In school, in life...I am so, so thankful for the happiness that I feel, and the love, and the peace. I have been a little stressed about this school year, but also I have just been able to accept it. I'm so thankful for the last couple of weeks I've had before school and after working at Bear Lake to rest and relax and get ready for the school year. It's been a blessing to have this time for myself with hardly any responsibilities (don't get me wrong–I had plenty of things to do).

I am grateful for the lessons that I have learned not only in all my time at college, but especially in the past year. I have learned and grown a LOT! And I can't wait to see where this next school year takes me!! I have high hopes that this year will be the best one by far!!

Today I subbed for Porter's class in Primary. I was super nervous, considering the fact that I don't think I've ever taught in Primary–actually, I don't think I've even ever taught a lesson period. Wait...maybe one time. But it was a long time ago and I was 12. It's been awhile.

Anyway.

The lesson that I taught today was on loving one another. In John 13: 34-35, it says, "A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another." We talked about how commandments are laws that Heavenly Father gives us to bless us and help us return to Him. I am so thankful for the example of our Savior, Jesus Christ, on how to love one another. We talked about when Jesus healed the 10 Lepers, when He fed the 5000, and when He stayed with the Nephites, and blessed and healed them. Jesus did all of these things because He loved the people. Just as Jesus did, we, too, can serve, bless, and love those around us. We need to bless and serve those around us and let them know we love them because everyone wants to be loved. Everyone wants to know that they are loved. We need to do the best we can to be like Jesus and obey Him and our Heavenly Father. We are here to learn and grow, and by obeying the commandments, we can learn and grow.

I've learned a lot this summer, and this past year, and one thing that stands out to me as I look back over the year is this: everyone deserves to be treated with respect and loved. Even if you don't agree, even if you have had issues in the past...everyone deserves to be treated with respect and loved. There are a lot of things that have happened this past year that have been hard for me to deal with. Sometimes they were my fault, and sometimes they weren't. Sometimes I dealt with them, and sometimes I didn't. But I have learned how to deal with things. I have learned how to choose to be happy, and I have learned how to accept and let go of people and experiences.

Life is hard. You can't make people do anything. You have to deal with their choices and they have to deal with yours. But you can always be the bigger person. You can always show them love and kindness, no matter what they do. Even if they don't show you the same courtesy. You will never regret being kind or loving.

I wrote a poem this summer that I wanted to share with you. :)

I Can Fly, by Mattie Radke

I can fly over the garden wall, past the sea, beyond the wind, and far away from the depths of depression in my mind. 

I can fly over the parts of me that yearn to change for you. 

I can fly past the parts of me that want to be exactly like you. 

I can fly beyond the visions of me, wishing I was as funny as you. 

I can fly far away from the depths of depression that lead me to believe I'm not as amazing as you. 

The lesson I've learned throughout my summer is be yourself–not because everyone else is taken, but because the world has need of you!

I wrote this poem when I was kind of feeling a little bit down. I was trying hard to try to fly, like I was talking about in the poem, but as I'm reading it now, I realize that when I wrote it, I was only hoping and wishing that I could fly. I wasn't really flying. But now, I think I have been able to fly. I've been working on my relationship with my Savior, and that has really helped. I'm not perfect at it [flying], and sometimes I still struggle, but not only since I wrote the poem have I changed, but the past couple weeks have been amazing, and I've realized that I don't need to change for anyone–I am who I am, and that's fantastic! I am amazing and funny and beautiful and I give a lot to this world. And if I have the right people in my life, they will (and do) love me for who I am.

You give so much to this world! You are special, and unique, and amazing, and wonderful, and beautiful, inside and out. And I love you. And God loves you. There is no one on Earth who can do what you do, or give to this world what you give. I am thankful for you!! I am thankful that you are here. I am thankful that you are you. I am so happy that you have a passion–whatever it is–and that you follow it. I hope you know how much you are loved and how much you are admired by those around you. And I hope that you will tell those around you how much you love and admire them. Everyone needs to be told that they are appreciated and loved.

I hope you all have a wonderful week!! Happy September!! :)

Xoxo
Mattie

Progress, not perfection.

It's been a beautiful week coming back to camp! I was well-rested from my time at home and I had a lot of energy the first couple of days. It has mellowed out now and I can control it more, but it's still there.

This week I've been trying to be more Christlike. I've been trying to be nicer, more thoughtful, and more focused on my tasks that I have to do–there's more but those are the top three. I'm not perfect at them, but I'm proud of my progress so far. 

Pat–our camp chaplain–shares a quote each day at breakfast. The quote the other day was: "God doesn't expect perfection but He does expect progress." For some reason that really resonated with me. Maybe because of all the failures I've had with overcoming and fixing different parts of me. Or maybe not, I don't know. What I do know is this: I'm trying to be better each day than I was the day before, each day I've made some progress, and ANY amount of progress is okay! As long as you are working to make an effort, God is proud of you. 

There's a spot in camp that I like to go on Saturdays because it's really peaceful and quiet, and out of the way of other people. I go there to sit, think, and ponder. I go there when I'm in need of a break, or when I am just in need of time for me without other people. Since I'm alone, I talk to Heavenly Father out loud. It gets really emotional really fast, but it's really helpful for me to talk to Him about all of the things I'm going through because He completely understands. And the great thing is that even when I'm completely indecipherable or inconsolable, the peace of the water around me, the sounds of the birds–they all help bring me back to earth. 

I've learned a lot this summer. And I'm sure I still have more to learn. But I've learned that even when I don't feel Him, relying on my Heavenly Father keeps me grounded. I've learned that He's always blessing me–even when I don't always hear Him. I've learned that even when I feel like I don't make a difference, and when I feel unnoticed, I am making a difference–somehow, to someone, I am making a difference. It's true that I might not always be noticed, but more often than not I am noticed, and I am missed. 

I don't know what kind of impact I'm going to have on the world. Or even if I will have an impact on the world. But I do know this: the world is going to have an impact on me. And I can't wait to find it, and feel it. 

I hope you have a beautiful week!! I hope you find someone who needs your help and love, and I hope you find something new and special about yourself. 

Xoxo

Mattie

That's all we can do.

Well my first week at camp is over!!! Man has it been a CRAZY week!! There's been a lot of things happening, but it's been really fun overall! I'm so tired and sore but I'm sure that it will get better in the upcoming week(s) as I get used to all the physical activity that my body is going through. 

There are a lot of things that I learned this week already! Here's a few of them:

1) It's difficult to cook for a ton of teenage boys!! They really like to eat!

2) All boys have the same sense of humor. They think they're so funny but after the first few times, my response is just a groan of annoyance. 

3) Every little thing will be all right. Somehow you'll make it through the day. 

4) Sometimes you have to take a day because you're not feeling well, and that's okay. It's better to rest and build up your strength than to run yourself weary. 

I decided to start reading the Book of Mormon from the very top this week. And I wanted to include the introduction, the testimonies, and the brief explanation of the Book of Mormon. And I discovered something I'd never noticed before. In the brief introduction, it states that, "The original title page, immediately preceding the contents pages, is taken from the plates and is part of the sacred text. Introductions in a non-italic typeface, such as in 1 Nephi...are also part of the sacred text." I had always known that the chapter headings were an addition to the book to let the reader know what's going on. I had little to no idea (AKA either absolutely no idea, or I hadn't consciously made the connection) that the title page and non-italic headings were actually part of the gold plates. I think that's so cool.

I was reading in Joseph Smith's testimony the other day and one thing that I noticed that I have never noticed before was the fact that Joseph actually saw Moroni go up into heaven! I think that that's so amazing! One thing that I really admire about Joseph is just how much he tried to obey God, and how hard he tried to learn from his mistakes. He wasn't perfect, but he really tried to do his best. And that's all that we can do. 

Don't give up. Just because you've made a miatake—big or small—doesn't mean that it's the end of the world. It's just a stumbling block...a learning curve/experience that will help you become a better person. Pick yourself up—or ask for someone to help you up—and try again. Because that's all we can do. Try again. We're not perfect, and we're going to make mistakes. Sometimes we'll make the same mistakes over and over again. Just remember: You are loved. God wants you to prevail. He loves you and trusts you, and wants you to come home to Him. And He is going to do all He can to make sure that you can come home if you want to. 

I hope you all have a wonderful week! Summer is always a great opportunity to try something new and to have a lot of fun! I'm grateful for the experiences that I've already had this week and I'm looking forward to having many more this summer! I hope you guys do something fun this week!! :)

Xoxo

Mattie

He does not give up on you.

You never realize just how much you have to work on changing and improving yourself until you're studying the scriptures. And spending time with people. No one on earth is perfect. We all have weaknesses and make mistakes. We all have times where we struggle. But with Him, we can overcome. With Him, we can start again. And again. And again. With Him, we can keep trying. Though we will never be perfect in this life, we can align ourselves on the path with which we can someday become perfect through Christ. He will be with us every step of the way, and He won't let us fall.

I am so grateful for the opportunity I had to perform in sacrament meeting today! I'm grateful for Carrie and Megan, who agreed to perform with me and accompany me. They really helped make the experience amazing. I wasn't really super nervous until right before we were performing but it went amazingly and surprisingly well! I'm grateful for the message of "A Child's Prayer" and for the love that is so evident in the song. I'm grateful for the Spirit, and for the love that He helps us feel, and for the answers He helps us receive, and for the comfort and assurances that He gives.

I have had a really great week and weekend. I have learned a lot from my scripture study, and from talking and experiencing life with my friends. I've learned that I need to start being grateful for things that I do, and have, and not stress so much about things that I don't, and don't have. I learned that I can do amazing things and that I am stronger than I think I am. I learned that I am doing good things, but I can be doing better. I learned that there is moderation in all things, including emotions, which is something that I'd never thought about before, but RD (my therapist) brought it up on Friday and I really loved that. I learned that I need to re-evaluate my priorities in life and that I need to look past the surface, and focus on the essence. I need to take the little pieces, and use them to make something bigger, and brighter, and more beautiful. I learned that I am beginning to see myself differently, and on the whole, it's a good different. I learned that there is more to me than what I think, and I learned that there is more to life than what I think.

I am learning.

First things first: I had the opportunity to go to the BYU Spectacular with some friends last night and it was AMAZING!!! Kristin Chenoweth is fantastic, and Gentri and Vocal Point were awesome! So thankful that I had the opportunity to see it with them, and I'm glad they had fun!!

Second: I missed posting last week because it was General Conference and I had a lot of stuff going on. But! I have a lot of things that I learned in this past week, and am still learning, that I wanted to share:

I am learning that I can do hard things.

I am learning that I am more capable than I realize.

I am learning that I am not alone.

I am learning that I am strong.

I am learning that I can be happy, even when I'm going through tough things.

I am learning that God loves me so much, He's saving me from a lot of pain.

I am learning that I am loved.

I am learning that patience is a virtue.

I am learning that emotions are sometimes REALLY HARD to deal with!

I am learning that I have the roommates that I need in my life right now.

I am learning that I can't always fix things.

I am learning that stress doesn't fix anything.

I am learning that you can't always see the other side.

I am learning that you can't let the past define you.

I am learning that you can't let the past get ahead of you and keep you from your future.

I am learning that God's plan for me isn't the same as mine, and that our timelines probably aren't even close to being similar, but I'm also learning that that's okay.

I am learning that peace comes from the Book of Mormon, especially when I'm stressed.

I am learning that life is hard, but I am so tough, and I have God on my side.

Some of these things I've already previously learned, but had forgotten. Some of them are new.  Either way, they're all still worth knowing and learning. It's been a crazy week, and I've had a lot going on, and I've been through a lot. I've had a lot of talks with my roommates, and I've learned way too many things about myself in one week than is probably healthy haha but it has been helpful. My roommate gave me a few goals to work on in the next couple of weeks, and I think that they will help me in one aspect specifically, but I've learned that generally they all blend together, so it will probably help me in more than one.

I am grateful for my roommates. They show so much strength in times of hardship and sorrow. I'm so grateful that they are all kind, loving, and have such wonderful testimonies. I am learning lots from them every single day, and I am so grateful for that.

Xoxo
Mattie

Challenges bring me closer to Christ.

Well, this week was challenging.

To give you a short rundown as to why, I fell off of my bed onto my knees on Sunday night, and Monday morning I woke up with my lower back/upper leg hurting (on the right side, but that's not important).

After being in pain all day, getting up and down from my seat in classes, and just walking around, I was able to go to the urgent care that night (courtesy of my friend with a car who was kind enough to drive me). After some questions and tests of pain tolerance (basically he had me move my legs around and asked when and where it hurt), he concluded that I'd fallen in just the right way on my knees that some of the muscles in my back spasmed. I basically got a Charlie horse in my back. Go figure. Anywho, he prescribed me heat, a muscle relaxant before bed, no bending, he told me to take 3 ibuprofen, he told me to have patience [the one thing I lack ;)]. So I went to the pharmacy (still courtesy of my friend) and picked up the relaxant, and then I went home. My grandpa dropped off a heat pad for me. So I got ready for bed and took the relaxant. I could feel when it started to take effect (it made my insides all fuzzy), and then *bam*! I was out like a light. On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the most, my pain was at about a 7.

Tuesday I had work, and it was a little awkward, getting used to not being able to bend without pain (I had to squat and I felt like a pregnant lady, hahaha), but I managed to get through the day just fine. I was able to get a priesthood blessing from some of the young men in my ward and I am so grateful for the worthy young men in my ward! I heard some things that I needed to hear. Also, apparently, that night the relaxant made me high...I saw these creepy purple tentacles with teeth on the end and had this weird feeling of my body shrinking and I questioned how my insides could fit...well, inside me. ;) My pain was about a 7 again. Not too much different from Monday, but slightly better.

Wednesday I had classes, and I was able to get through the day without too much trouble, though it was still painful. Some of the girls in my hall and I went to deliver valentine's gifts to some of the boys in our ward (we split them up between the three Relief Societies). And of course I forgot that I was in pain and I started to jump and skip like normal. Nope–bad idea. Anyway, learned my lesson the hard way and walked the rest of the time. Was able to go to bed relatively quickly. On the same scale, this day my pain was about a 6.

Thursday I had work again, and I had to work all by myself for about an hour and a half because I'm the only student worker right now, and all of the chefs had a meeting, so I had to hold down the fort. I did a great job. :) After work, I studied for a test and walked up to the testing center to take it; then I went back home and was able to have dinner with some friends (I think...I can't remember hahaha). Then we had ward prayer later that night and after that I went to bed. My pain was about a 4.5 or 5 that day.

Friday I had classes again, but it was less painful today!! There was still pain, yes, but not quite so much! After classes, I did some things–think I tried to read some, and started to pack (I came home this weekend), and I listened to music (as always). Went to dinner with my friends for awhile, and then after that, I decided to practice my violin and then I did some more packing, and some more listening to music. Then I got ready for bed and took a little while to get to sleep but I did. :) My pain was about a 4.

Saturday (today) was pretty painless. There's still some pain, but it's not quite as bad. My muscles must be almost done relaxing! I hope so! I was pretty much done with the pain and the waiting by Tuesday morning!

Some of the things I learned this week:

• Maybe not you, but I can injure my back by falling on my knees. (I have the luck of falling just right, but you probably don't have that luck. Lucky!)
• I am so grateful for priesthood blessings!! I love that I can turn to all of the young men in my ward and ask for a priesthood blessing! God knew exactly what I needed to hear in that prayer. 
• Following the doctor's orders of not bending down was less painful! Who knew? ;)
• I have some of the greatest friends in the world. I have some very sweet, kind, and thoughtful hallmates and friends, and I am so grateful for them!! Sometimes I feel sad, left out, or forgotten, but there are always those girls that say hi to me as they walk by my room, or they invite me to eat dinner with them, and I love that! It makes me feel loved and important. <3
• I am so grateful for humor! My friends have made me laugh many times this week, which has been a great blessing. I had to learn to be positive throughout this experience (yes, me) and having a great time with my friends was a blessing. :)
• Finally, I learned that I am grateful for this experience. At the beginning of the week, I was talking to myself and arguing about which day would have been best for me to have injured myself, and I finally decided that yes, Monday was the best day–I won't explain to you why because you won't get it (I barely do). I was also trying to figure out what I could learn from this experience. As you can see, I learned quite a lot. But this last one–this last lesson–was by far the biggest blessing from this experience. This week has been challenging–I had to learn to work with/around my pain. And sometimes it was hard. But I did it!! I am SO grateful for all of my friends' support and love this week. This experience helped me realize that I'm not forgotten, and I'm not alone. God is always there, and when I need something, He will send me His love through my friends. Sometimes I have to put myself out there, but He will show me how much He loves me by sending me my friends. 

Wow...

As I've been thinking about this experience, I've been thinking about what I learned. 

In the moments of this week, I wasn't thinking about what I was learning. To be honest, most of the time I was thinking, "This is painful, and I just want to be done so that I can rest and not move." Maybe not in so many words, but that was the gist of it. 

But as I've been going back through this week, I realized many of these things that I learned I probably couldn't have learned in any other way. 

I could sit here and try to explain, but I'm having trouble coming up with all of the right words, so I'm just going to say this: my quote this week was "All you need is Jesus Christ." And I definitely learned that this week. This challenging experience has brought me closer to Christ. My Savior has been with me this whole week–though my friends. My friends are definitely Christlike in every way, and they have been such a blessing to have this week. I love them and I am so grateful that they were there for me this week, and that they were loving, and kind, and thoughtful. I know that they listened to the Spirit this week because they came when I needed them. <3

Today is a special day.

Hello, nonexistent followers who may one day be actual real-live people. Today, seventeen years ago, a most wonderful, spunky, funny, beautiful daughter of God came to this world. Her name was Mattie Ruth Radke. Yep, folks, that's right. Today is my birthday!! I'm seventeen. I have learned so, so, so much in the past seventeen years about who I am as a person, who I am as a daughter of God, and who I want to be. I am so thankful for the example of my Saviour, Jesus Christ, and for everything He and my Heavenly Father have done for me. I am so thankful for all of the people in my life who are great examples to me and who have taught me so much about life, and living, and all the fun stuff that is weird and random. I'm so thankful for all the people who put up with me and pretend to understand what I'm talking about. :) I'm so thankful for the opportunity I have to communicate with people and spread the gospel. I'm thankful that I'm always so happy. Love you all! 

Love,

Mattie-Who-Is-Now-Seventeen :)

Learning and opportunities.

Letter H: I'm grateful for school. I am. I don't like the homework part, or the grading part, but I like the learning and participating and socializing parts. I like learning new things. Like Thursday in orchestra, I learned that you only break bow hairs when you apply lots of pressure and your bow isn't straight. Anywho. I like participating and making new friends or strengthening already there relationships. So I'm grateful for the opportunity I've been given to attend school, to learn and grow, and to make friendships.