Christ can take our pain and make it into a blessing.

This week has been crazy–what with finishing my last finals, starting my job full-time, and technically kind of having an emotional breakdown as one chapter of my life was ending and a new one is beginning. I think that I've felt every emotion under the sun and then some this week.

Learning patience, tolerance, and other emotions like that sucks. I wish that I could just see where God wants me to be. Or what He wants me to do. Or learn. I wish I could trust Him more in different aspects of my life. It's rough, you know? I just want to be with someone who will make me happy who I can make happy, and who I can build a life with...but my life is more than just a path, more than just a journey, more than just a destination...my life is a CHANCE. A chance to be someone better. A chance at happiness. And it starts with me. Even if I already feel like I've been doing everything right, God knows when the TIMING is right.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Brother Smith talked in sacrament meeting about a few scriptures in the 2nd Epistle of Peter, and there were a few things that he talked about that I wanted to mention. He asked a question: How do we get from faith to charity? And then he answered the question. My favorite thing that he talked about was the definition of virtue. He said that virtue means to do good, and to be good, and I loved that! It gave a new meaning to the scripture "let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly". Virtue is goodness and if we let GOODNESS garnish our thoughts, life will be better.

In Relief Society, we talked about the General Conference talk by Tad R. Callister entitled "The Atonement of Jesus Christ" and I loved all of the comments and the direction that the discussion went in.

We talked about forgiveness, and how forgiveness comes from love. We talked about how God's forgiveness and forgiveness from others in our life are not entangled together. You can still be forgiven by God, even if those in our life do not forgive us. I thought that was a beautiful thought. No matter what happens, you can be forgiven by God.

We talked about how people can CHANGE and how we need to see people as they ARE and not as they WERE. I think that this is such an important reminder–not only about others, but as ourselves, too. I know that I have struggled with this at times in my life, but I am not the same person as I was. Even if it doesn't seem like I have changed much sometimes, I know deep down that I have changed a lot. I need to let myself stay changed, and we need to let others stay changed.

Our Savior is always with us–and no matter what we go through, He will be there to strengthen us. He will be there to help us deal with the pain, and the struggles, and He will be there to help us learn and grow from it. He will be there to help us find the blessings in our trials.

I have two things to share now. One is a little thought I had during the last little bit of Relief Society.

TRUST. Trust is HARD. Trusting a Being that you can't see is hard, too. 

PATIENCE. Patience is HARD. Patiently waiting for blessings to come is hard, too. 

FAITH. Faith is HARD. Having faith that everything will turn out all right is hard, too. 

Faith is the pathway to happiness. As we trust the Lord, and are patient, those things that we want will come in time. 

The other thing is this: life is easier said than done. But as we take little steps in the direction that we want, God will bless us with the confirmation that it is right, or the knowledge that it is not right. I am still learning to accept this, and to accept that right now, God wants me to choose of the things that I have been pondering, and that any one of them is going to be right. I'm absolutely TERRIFIED that I am going to make the wrong decision...but I need to trust that God will take the one I choose and use it to help me grow and change.

Xoxo
Mattie

I do not know everything, but I know enough.

It has been a little bit of a crazy week but I'm glad it's over!! I have hope this next week will go a little more smoothly!

Today I was thinking during the sacrament about how grateful I am for my Savior!! I am so grateful that He patiently waits for me to be ready. Forgiving yourself can be really, really hard, but once you have, your life becomes so peaceful and happy! I am grateful for the lessons I have learned in my life,  but I hope to never again experience that long period of time where I felt so uncomfortable with who I was. I believe that my inability to forgive myself has been one of the main reasons I have been unable to fully hear my Father in Heaven. But now that I have come to forgive myself, and am taking medication for my anxiety and depression, and am trying to study my scriptures every day, I believe my ability to hear Him is no longer clouded by noise. And though I do not know what the future holds for me, I am so, so blessed to be able to say, "I am just trying to take things one step at a time." There are times where my anxiety/depression takes over, but I am more capable now to shut it down as quickly as I can. God has really blessed me in the last year, and I am full of gratitude for His love, assistance, and guidance. He has blessed me immensely in the last couple of months, too, and I am so, so grateful for that. His love and the peace that I have felt in my life recently is a blessing in my life.

Today was our ward conference, and one thing that I loved that was talked about was the fact that sometimes we might have our own '4-9' season, but we can make the changes we need (with the help of our Father in Heaven) to have a perfect–or close to perfect–season. 

There have been a lot of changes in the church recently, and one of the Stake Presidency said that it is because the leaders are trying to help us become a more righteous people. They are trying to help us minister as the Savior did and does. 

Alex talked in our Relief Society meeting today about anxiety and depression. She said that perfection is our ultimate goal, but we need to be realistic. It's not going to happen in this life. So we need to be kind to ourselves. And most of all, we need to never lose faith in Heavenly Father. We are vessels in the hands of a divine potter. He is molding and sculpting us to be the best person that we can be. She also said that broken minds and hearts can be healed just like broken bodies. I love that and KNOW it to be true!! 💜💜

Sister Card said that when we are in the darkness, we are more likely to lose hope. Darkness does not mean there is not light, though. Often it means that we are in the wrong place to receive the light. We can choose to walk in Christ's life. With His light comes HOPE and HEALING. 💜

We do not need to be perfect. But we do need to be good at getting better. 💜

The light of the Gospel of Christ will cut through the darkness, confusion, and discouragement. 💜

Learn to love you, right where you are. 💜💜💜

Be grateful for the small victories. 💜

Sometimes it takes time to forgive yourself. He's already forgiven you; He is just waiting for you to catch up. 💜💜💜

Revelation from God brings (and is) PEACE. 💜

I do not know everything, but I know enough. I know that my Savior loves me. I know that my Heavenly Father wants me to be happy, and I know that He wants me to return to live with Him someday. I know that, as I minister to those around me, and as I love and serve my friends and family, that I will be blessing those around me, and that I will be blessed for blessing them. I know that I am a daughter of God, and I know that I am loved by the most Divine Being. I know that He is always there for me, and I know that He has blessed me with so many beautiful friendships that can help me and others to know that we are never alone. I know that nothing is impossible with God if it is His will, and I know that together, He and I can do marvelous things. 💜

I hope you have a lovely week! And I hope you have a peaceful Sabbath day. 💜

Xoxo
Mattie

Allow yourself to be forgiven.

Well, today's the day of all the musics!! I was thinking a lot about it during the sacrament today.

I am so thankful for my Savior. It has been a crazy and stressful week, what with finalizing the Fireside tonight, writing papers, and preparing to sing my solo in sacrament meeting. I was able to get everything done but am now absolutely termed something is going to go horribly wrong. Also, I'm nervous, so that doesn't exactly help haha. It honestly is going to be so amazing but my anxiety kicked in this week/weekend and I've been struggling to kick it out. Luckily I have been praying for peace and calm assurance, so I'm feeling slightly better. I don't know where I'd be without my Savior's help and love. I need i each and every day. So thankful that He is always there!  💜

Well, first music of the day was me singing "Oh Holy Night" in sacrament meeting. And of course I was the first number right after the sacrament. So the whole time the sacrament was going on I was trying to be so, so calm, but I was honestly absolutely terrified (as you can see from my thoughts during the sacrament today). Afterwards, I was like, "I feel like I am simultaneously getting better and more confident at performing, but also more nervous each and every time." I don't know how that works haha but that's how it is.

In Gospel Principles, we talked about the Atonement of Jesus Christ, and we talked about it in an amazing new light that I loved. Some of the things that we talked about today were things that I needed to hear. One thing that we talked about was that forgiveness is you repenting of having hard feelings for them, and forgiving the debt that you feel they owe you. It isn't possible for them to pay that debt. Only Jesus Christ can do that. Another thing we talked about was that part of turning to God and Christ is allowing ourselves to be forgiven. If He says we're forgiven, we're forgiven.

(One thing I was thinking about, too, is that we need to allow ourselves to feel. Feel love, feel patience, feel forgiven, etc.)

I loved church today! It was so amazing and I received several answers, which is always the best! :)

Now, I am so nervous and excited for the fireside tonight!! We had choir practice at 2:30p today and we TOTALLY NAILED the song that has been the most tricky, so I am so excited!! It is going to be so fun! And so full of music and messages of the birth of Jesus Christ. I am so grateful for this opportunity, but it has been very stressful. I am so thankful for my friend (and choir pianist) Julia for all of her help. ALSO! I have always been very grateful towards those in charge of putting on concerts and firesides and things, and now I am 1000% more grateful and I totally understand all the things that they go through now. Like, I had an idea, but honestly, I had NO IDEA.

So grateful for this Christmas season! I'm grateful for #LightTheWorld and the opportunities for love and service that I have to share my love and to serve those around me. Hope you have a non-stressful and very pleasant week! I'll post how the Fireside goes later in a new post! Happy Sunday!

Xoxo
Mattie

From ashes to beauty.

I had a few questions that were answered in church today. The first was answered when we were singing the sacrament hymn, but I didn't fully realize it until afterwards when I was reflecting on the words of the hymn:

The sacrament hymn today was "Reverently and Meekly Now", which is one of my favorites. One line in particular stood out to me today as I've been sitting here pondering. "E'en forgiven now by me." This song is sung from the point of view of the Savior, and I desperately needed that message today from Him. It brought peace to my heart and I'm grateful that that specific hymn was chosen today, for I needed its message: "Oh forgive, as thou wouldst be E'en forgiven now by me." Forgiving yourself is really hard, harder than forgiving others, sometimes. But because Christ has forgiven me, I can forgive myself, and start over and try again.

One of the other questions was answered in Gospel Doctrine, and it was a reminder piece of advice that I love. We still get credit for trying. Another thing that was said in class today was that "There is value in doing things, even if you don't reach your goal." Piggybacking off of that a little, I had this thought: sometimes we are asked to (prepare to) go through things, and sometimes we don't end up doing those things because God wanted to see how far we were willing to go. And, sometimes we only needed to go down the path to it, and we didn't need to do it. It's a test of our faith, and our trust in Him.

In Relief Society, we talked about President Monson's talk from the October 2013 General Conference entitled, "I Will Not Fail Thee, nor Forsake Thee". We talked about the Provo Tabernacle fire, that happened in December of 2010, and how the Tabernacle was rebuilt into the Provo City Center Temple. We talked about how it was gutted, and everything inside was burned and gone, but then it was rebuilt to be the new beautiful City Center Temple. This was sort of used as an analogy for us–sometimes we go through fires and trials that burn us because they're meant to help us rebuild who we are, and change who we are to become someone better. We go from ashes to beauty. I've seen that in my life. I've gone through a whole bunch of trials that have burned me, and torn me down, and they hurt, but I've changed because of them, and I've grown. I'm stronger, and more confident. I loved this quote from President Monson's talk: "We know that there are times when we will experience heartbreaking sorrow, when we will grieve, and when we may be tested to our limits. However, such difficulties allow us to change for the better, to rebuild our lives in the way our Heavenly Father teaches us, and to become something different from what we were–better than we were, more understanding than what we were, more empathetic than we were, with stronger testimonies than we had." We talked about how God will bless us in His own time, which is true, but do we believe that He will? Do we choose Him above all else? Do we thank Him for loving us enough to cut us down? For allowing us to change and grow? He knows what we need to do/be, and He knows how to get us there.

My home teachers came today, and they talked about enduring our trials well, and how one of the blessings of enduring our trials well is that other people will be more comfortable around us, because we'll be happier. And I said, basically, that even though I've kind of been having trouble feeling the Spirit lately, I have still been able to look back and see Heavenly Father's hand in my life. I've still been able to see the blessings He's sent me as I've been going through some trials. And I'm grateful for that. I'm grateful that I can still see His blessings. I'm grateful that I can still feel Him.

Xoxo
Mattie

Faith can overcome fear.

Today was GREAT! I had an awesome thought during Gospel Doctrine that I'll share in a moment.

First, some thoughts I had during the sacrament.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about people and feelings (not sure why; it just happened). Sometimes we might offend someone by what we say or do, and sometimes we are offended by others. But there is no way that those who offended will know unless you tell them. Sort of going off of that, I read an article the other week that said something to the effect of, "you don't always have to forgive someone to bring you peace. If being angry at them makes you feel good, that's okay." And I remember thinking, "Well, that seems counterproductive." For me, I personally hate being angry/annoyed with someone for a long period of time. Sure, sometimes it feels good to be mad at them, and to not forgive them. But after awhile, there comes a point when the anger or annoyance starts to affect other parts of my life–and not in a good way. Yes, sometimes there are cases where extreme anger or frustration towards someone is warranted, but if you are always angry at them, they've won–maybe again. You are still thinking about them. Their actions still cause you anger and hurt. In forgiving them, though, you win. You've become the bigger person, and you can be at peace. Now, in no way at all am I saying that by forgiving them you approve of their actions. Not at all! But by forgiving them, you can let go of the hurt and pain that they caused you and you can finally begin to heal. Holding on to things for a long time isn't always the best cause of action. Sometimes you have to let go. If you feel like there is no possible way that you could forgive them (because it was too awful), that's okay, too. But don't hold on to it any longer than you have to. Just let it go.

 A couple of things stood out to me in sacrament meeting today:
-Obedience isn't black and white. It's greyscale.
-Sometimes obedience is selfish–we obey not because Heavenly Father wants us to, but because we gain something, like social acceptance or something.
-Sometimes Jesus lets us struggle through challenges in order to help us strengthen our faith in Him.
-Faith can overcome fear.
-Asking for help is the ultimate sign of faith and humility.

In Gospel Doctrine, I had an awesome thought. We were talking about the fulfillment of Samuel the Lamanite's prophecies about Jesus Christ. And we were reading in 3 Nephi 10, where Jesus Christ says, "How oft have I gathered thee as a hen gathereth her chicks?" And someone said that when a hen puts up her wings, the chicks can run underneath her wings, and sometimes she dies protecting her chicks. Immediately I had a thought about the analogy: Jesus is the hen. And when He was up on the cross, His arms were raised up, and He died for us. He invites us to come unto Him always, and His hands are always stretched out towards us. So of course I shared that thought in class (except the italics; that part I only thought of as I was recalling the story to transcribe it to you, dear Reader) and then wanted to share it here because I loved the imagery in that analogy and I'd never thought of that before.

Today was fifth Sunday, so we were combined (in two rooms, I think). Bishop talked about some things before the actual lesson. He said that sometimes challenges in life can help us in our lives. I loved that. Sometimes challenges in our lives help us become who we were meant to be.

The lesson today was on keeping the Sabbath Day holy. He shared four questions that we can ask ourselves (there are many others) to try and decide if we're keeping the Sabbath Day holy.
1. Is my action hold or of service to God?
2. Is it doing good?
3. Does it keep me unspotted from the world?
4. Is it honoring the Lord, or am I selfishly following my own desires?

After that, Sister Anderson spoke to us for a little bit. She talked about the new Thanksgiving Garden statues exhibit, about two of them specifically. The one that depicted the story of the woman who was found in adultery, and the one that depicted Jesus Christ carrying His cross up to Calvary. For the first one, she said that Christ was brought here to love us and save us. Not to condemn us. For the second one, she said that He is here to help us through and to love us. She said that we are going to have to fight and sacrifice to keep our testimonies. I know that is so true. You have to hold on to your faith and testimony. Hold on to what you know to be true. Just hold on.

I'm so grateful for a Savior who knows me, and loves me, and sacrificed His life so that I could return to live with my Heavenly Parents. I am so thankful for the sweet spirit that is in my ward; I love the people in my ward so much and I am always learning things from them. I'm so thankful for the Spirit, and for His love and direction to guide the right answers and actions into my life and for His guidance to me to be able to share with those around me. This has been a crazy couple of weeks and sometimes I was super worried and scared that things wouldn't work out, but they did. I'm lucky to have had my Savior with me to help me get through it. I'm grateful for the opportunities I've had to be Christ's hands this past week and I look forward to the opportunities I will have this upcoming week. Stay safe and remember you're so loved! <3

Xoxo
Mattie

He will help us find our personal happiness.

I know I already posted yesterday but I can't just not post on Sunday. That's not a thing. So that makes this a double post weekend. :)

So, I had a thought during the sacrament this morning. I'm pretty sure it's not for me because I already went through it for me, but I am going to post it still because it might be for you. :)

"Sometimes it's hard to tell if you've been forgiven by your Heavenly Father. But sometimes the problem isn't that we're not forgiven–the problem is that we have not forgiven ourselves. Once you've forgiven yourself, you can more easily feel at peace and recognize that your Heavenly Father has forgiven you. He doesn't want us to hurt or suffer, but that is sometimes what we have to do in order to trust Him and turn to Him. It may hurt and be hard, but with Him we can find peace."

Someone said something in their talk during sacrament meeting this morning that stood out to me. He said, "If we don't have charity, what good is our faith?" And I just thought about that. It makes sense. If you don't have faith–or if you don't believe–what is the point of doing or having charity? There is none. There cannot be faith without charity, nor charity without faith. They go hand in hand.

The last speaker also said something that stood out to me. She said, "If Heavenly Father loves us, and wants us to be happy, then He's going to give us the experiences that we need to be happy. He wants us to be ourselves, and to find ourself. He will help us find our personal happiness." That was something else she said. We all have a personal happiness. I thought that was very interesting and very true. Things that make me happy won't necessarily make you happy.

In Gospel Doctrine, someone said something that I loved. "Feeling sad is okay. You have to be sad in order to be happy." You can't know happiness unless you've known sadness. Just don't let the sadness overtake you. Turn to your Savior–He'll help you find peace.

Relief Society was great! I loved the lesson, based off of Bishop W. Christopher Waddell's talk in the April conference. One thing that was read/said was, "The solution to our problems is the strengthening of our faith in Jesus Christ." We talked about his three steps to peace, based off of the scripture in D&C 19:23: 1) Learn of me [Christ]; 2) Listen to my words; and 3) Walk in the meekness of my spirit. We can learn of Him in all that we do–scripture study, visiting the temple, standing in holy places, etc. I thought this was interesting: partaking (so, consistently doing/listening) is more of a commitment. And for the last one: the Savior invites us to come to Him. Always. He is the pathway to peace.

It was a great first Sunday in my new ward. I'm excited to get to know my new ward. I'm grateful for my Savior and my Heavenly Father. I'm grateful for the messages that were shared today. I needed them. I know Heavenly Father can help me find my personal happiness. I know that He can help me find peace. I know that life may be tough, and rough, and hard, but I also know that with Jesus Christ as my rock, I can be tougher, and stronger, and I can do hard things. And I know that you can, too. <3

Xoxo
Mattie

Light at the end of the tunnel.

Had a very special experience this morning. I attended my friend's farewell talk this morning, and during the sacrament, I was just thinking about some things and I wrote a little something that I'd like to share with you (the italics are thoughts that I was thinking about adding and decided to just now):

During the sacrament I couldn't help but turn back to one of my bigger mistakes a couple years ago. And I felt nothing but peace about it. That's the first time I've ever felt peace about it. I think I've finally accepted that God has forgiven me, and I just needed to forgive myself. And I have. The hardest thing I've ever had to do was forgive myself, but I did it. I couldn't have done it without my Savior.
Now I can finally really move on and focus on the future. There may be times when I look back, but for once it won't be out of shame or regret. Yes, I do regret it and I'm sorry I had to go through that, but I am also not sorry that I had to go through it because it's changed me in many ways for the better, and my testimony of my Savior and the Atonement has grown. I can finally face myself. For the longest time I couldn't look back without berating myself. Now I can look back and know that there was light at the end of my tunnel. And that light was my Savior and my Redeemer. I'm so blessed to have been able to have Him by my side throughout the whole experience. 

There were a couple of things that were shared during the meeting that I loved and I'd liked to share them:
-Opposition permits us to grow into what our Heavenly Father wants us to become.
-Persistence is continuing to try even when in the midst of opposition.
-Rejoice in the Lord's blessings, even during the hard times (I loved this! I try to do this–sometimes it's hard–but I know that being positive during trials has helped me in many ways).
-Don't give up when the pressure mounts (That's just Satan trying to get you to turn away from God. Don't give up! Press forward! Turn to your friends and family...they love you and want to help you).
-The Lord blesses those who want to improve and strive for Christlike qualities.
-God will never desert us, no matter what. He will stand with us.

I know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel!! That light is our Savior, Jesus Christ. It might take you a little while, but you will eventually get there, I promise. He will never leave you alone. He wants you to return. He loves you and wants what is best for you. I know that there may be times where it seems hopeless, and it seems like you will never get out of the deep dark hole or tunnel, but I promise you that He is there for you. He is there. He loves you. I know that with His help, we can be healed, and we can be forgiven, and we can return. <3 <3

Quotes of the week, trials, forgiveness.

HEY!! So, I have been trying to have a quote of the week every week on my white board. The first week's quote was, "Be of good cheer. The future is as bright as your faith." ~Pres. Thomas S. Monson. The second week it was, "Music makes me really happy." Last week's quote was, "Find your dream and follow your heart." This week's quote is "You are beautiful, capable, and strong. <3" I am loving this quote thing! The first week I found a quote, but all the other weeks I have come up with the quotes! It's a great reminder during the week to be happy/positive. Plus, it's been fun to make a quote look cutesy on my white board. :)

School is going as well as school goes, I guess. ;) But I'm not dying because of a homework overload [yet ;)]. 

(The following are out of order, but that's okay.)

Today in Relief Society we got our visiting teaching assignments. I am excited to get to know these girls better! Also!! I was set apart today. I am a Compassionate Service Leader. :) I'm really excited to be serving the girls in my hall!! 

Today we talked a lot about following the prophets in sacrament meeting, and how President Monson is the mouthpiece of the Lord, and we will be blessed if we listen to him. 

In Gospel Doctrine, we talked about overcoming tribulation, as well as forgiveness and forgiving others. Overcoming tribulation: Through our suffering, we become stronger and closer to God as we rely on Christ. Someone said something very poignant as we talked about forgiving others. She said, "Do what's best for the other." And I love that. It's better for them if you forgive them; and, in the end, forgiving them will bring you peace. Sophia said that "There is no peace in reflecting on old wounds." This all applies to forgiving others, yes, but we also shouldn't forget to forgive ourselves! I don't know about you, but I always have the hardest time forgiving myself. But it's true: there is no peace in reflecting on old wounds. If you can't let go and forgive yourself, it just makes it harder for you to live in the present, and for you to move on with your life. 

You have to learn to let go with the help of Jesus Christ. That's the only way to bring you the peace you need. He will help you heal, and He will help you be able to forgive whom you need to forgive. <3

Xoxo
Mattie

He loves us anyway.

I was reading a blog today and I found this line that I thought was really deep: "Just because an unhealthy enticement comes to your mind . . . that doesn’t make you a bad person. It is what you do with your thoughts that will determine what road you will take" (The Moments We Stand "The Tempting Road"). I love this! We are all tempted with things that are unhealthy–unhealthy things to say, unhealthy things to do–but it is what we do with them that makes us who we are. If you do not act on them, you are stronger than Satan, and you have won that battle. If you did, however, try again; you can win the next one. Repent, and ask Heavenly Father for forgiveness, commit to not doing it again, and the next time that temptation comes along, kick it right out of the ball park, far away from you. Tell it, "You have no power over me!", just like Sarah from Labyrinth tells Jareth. We should always be trying to be a better person, but we are people, too, and we make mistakes, and that is okay. We are imperfect people trying to become perfect, and we make mistakes. God does not expect us to be perfect people trying to become a better perfect. He knows we are imperfect people trying to become perfect, and develop Christlike qualities, but He knows it will take us some time; we are slow learners. But He loves us anyway. Just remember that: He knows we are imperfect, slow learners, but He loves us anyway.