Healing my wounded soul.

Nothing heals a wounded soul more than nature and music.

Today on my lunch break, I realized that I was feeling very depressed and down. I did not know why, nor do I know now. Sometimes I just get very sad, and I have to figure out how to move past it.

We are no longer allowed to eat in the break room (thanks to COVID-19 🙄) so I've been grabbing my picnic blanket out of my car and eating on the grass under this beautiful green tree for the past week.

The time I go for lunch, the sun is usually just peeking out of those branches, and sometimes gets in my eyes. But I love it. I love to look at the blue sky, contrasting the green leaves of the tree.

Today, because I was feeling sad, I read Elder Jeffrey R. Holland's talk Like a Broken Vessel. It was a reminder to me that it's okay to need to take time to rest and recoup. After that, I put on some of my "Sunday/Spiritual" music to listen to while I was eating lunch/laying on the blanket in the grass.

It didn't stop me from being sad right away–or even completely–but knowing that God hears me, and sees me, and knows how I'm feeling was a blessing. I was still a bit sad the rest of the day at work, but I did feel better after listening to my music, and after breathing in some fresh air and just taking a little time to relax.

Though my mind and soul might be bruised and sore, God is taking care of my wounds and I will feel better soon, I know it. It just takes time. Not our time, but His time.

I am not going to lie, when I realized that I was feeling depressed, my very first thought was that I just wanted to cry. Which is okay! It's okay to cry! And I did want to. And I almost did, but I then I had the thought that I should read to Elder Holland's talk, and it was exactly what I needed. And then I listened to my music because I just needed the Spirit that my Sunday music brings, and it was so beautiful. It was quiet, peaceful, and almost like my own personal Sacred Grove.

I am so very grateful for my husband, who is so compassionate and wonderful and loving towards me not just always, but especially when I am at my lowest points. I so appreciate his love, attitude, and the sacrifices that he makes for me to ensure that I feel comforted and loved! 

I hope everyone has a great Father's Day weekend! I am so sorry I haven't been posting as often. I am working on a blog post that is taking time because I want to get it right. In the meantime, I had this thought today and wanted to share.

I love you all! Married life is wonderful and I'll fill you all in on that later!

God is great, you are loved, let's be kind!!

Xoxo

Mattie Ruth Radke VELASQUEZ

There is a work to do that only you can do.

This week, I've learned a lot about the difference between what I want for me, and what God wants for me. But I've also learned a lot about how sometimes, it's entirely up to me.

I've been thinking a lot about my future plans after graduation, and how it's very up in the air. There's nothing set in stone for future job opportunities, and it's very frustrating for me haha. I feel like I'm going to pick the wrong job, the wrong city, the wrong place to live...which is poppycock. If I feel good about it, it will be fine. I guess the thing that scares me the most is there are so many options, and I don't want to make the wrong choice.

ANYWAY.

The main thing I've learned this week...is to keep praying, and trust that God will provide. Have faith that things will work out. All of this is easier said than done...but I know that things will unfold in miraculous and beautiful ways, and all of the things that God has promised me will happen in time.

I also learned something about personal revelation this week. I learned that I might be placing all of the ways that God normally speaks to me in a box...and not looking outside that box for answers. I learned that I need to open my eyes a little more.

Last week, Sister Jean B. Bingham of the General Relief Society presidency came to speak to my stake and a few others, and it was AMAZING! I am so grateful I went! She talked about so many things that I really loved. She talked about how we are often the hardest on ourselves...But Heavenly Father knows absolutely everything about us, and He loves us! He absolutely adores us and has such an amazing plan for us. He has such confidence and trust in us. He is completely and perfectly loving.

She talked about how we need to take time to enjoy the beauties of each day. There is something beautiful in every day...Even if it is just one thing. Even if it is something small.

She talked about Proverbs 3:5-6 in depth and I loved what she expounded upon.
"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."
Trust means to rely on the integrity, strength, and ability of someone (also known as 'faith')
We have to open our heart for spiritual guidance. We don't know everything.
In all thy ways means everything. Physical, spiritual, emotional, etc.
Acknowledge Him in everything. Look for His hand, and recognize that anything we accomplish, we accomplish with His help.
He shall direct thy paths–This one really stood out to me. He allows us to learn from our decisions, and He gives us little nudges and hints that help us grow and learn, and develop. Sometimes He doesn't give us the answer outright because He trusts us to make our own decisions.

There are many roads...but only one path. The covenant path. We are stronger because of the covenants we make. I loved this point that she made and am so grateful for my decision to go through the temple last month. Every week, I am more and more grateful, and more and more sure, that that was the right decision. She said that joy is a result of keeping our covenants, and I know that this is true.

My favorite quote that she said was, "Married or not, there is a work for you to do that only you can do." There are things that only you can contribute...The Lord can use you for incredible good. The Lord uses us in many ways to bless those around us. Is there something you can do to change the life of just one? Yes, there is. And you don't have to travel thousands of miles to make a difference.

The last thing that I loved that she talked about were 4 keys to progress.

1. Trust in the Lord
2. Remember who you are
3. Act in faith
-the mistake that we often make is doing nothing. Make a choice, and then find out what you can learn from the experience.
4. Keep your covenants
-It is up to us to figure out how to use the gifts we have been given...It is up to us to figure out how to embrace and learn from our covenants.

Jesus Christ is always the answer. He is the Rock, and if we build on Him, we will not fall.

I am learning each and every day about how imperfect I am, and about how much God really wants me to return to Him. Remembering to trust Him...and actually trusting Him...is sometimes harder than it sounds. I'm not perfect at it–far from it–but the Lord knows that, and understands that, and He makes it so that I can have help. He has placed some amazing people and examples in my life. I can turn to them anytime and they will always help me when they are able. They always say exactly what I need to hear and I know that God works miracles for me through them. I hope that I can be like them in time, and be able to bless those around me.

I hope you all have a wonderful week! Remember whose you are, and that He has a plan for you! He loves you very much, and so do I.

Xoxo
Mattie