Healing my wounded soul.

Nothing heals a wounded soul more than nature and music.

Today on my lunch break, I realized that I was feeling very depressed and down. I did not know why, nor do I know now. Sometimes I just get very sad, and I have to figure out how to move past it.

We are no longer allowed to eat in the break room (thanks to COVID-19 🙄) so I've been grabbing my picnic blanket out of my car and eating on the grass under this beautiful green tree for the past week.

The time I go for lunch, the sun is usually just peeking out of those branches, and sometimes gets in my eyes. But I love it. I love to look at the blue sky, contrasting the green leaves of the tree.

Today, because I was feeling sad, I read Elder Jeffrey R. Holland's talk Like a Broken Vessel. It was a reminder to me that it's okay to need to take time to rest and recoup. After that, I put on some of my "Sunday/Spiritual" music to listen to while I was eating lunch/laying on the blanket in the grass.

It didn't stop me from being sad right away–or even completely–but knowing that God hears me, and sees me, and knows how I'm feeling was a blessing. I was still a bit sad the rest of the day at work, but I did feel better after listening to my music, and after breathing in some fresh air and just taking a little time to relax.

Though my mind and soul might be bruised and sore, God is taking care of my wounds and I will feel better soon, I know it. It just takes time. Not our time, but His time.

I am not going to lie, when I realized that I was feeling depressed, my very first thought was that I just wanted to cry. Which is okay! It's okay to cry! And I did want to. And I almost did, but I then I had the thought that I should read to Elder Holland's talk, and it was exactly what I needed. And then I listened to my music because I just needed the Spirit that my Sunday music brings, and it was so beautiful. It was quiet, peaceful, and almost like my own personal Sacred Grove.

I am so very grateful for my husband, who is so compassionate and wonderful and loving towards me not just always, but especially when I am at my lowest points. I so appreciate his love, attitude, and the sacrifices that he makes for me to ensure that I feel comforted and loved! 

I hope everyone has a great Father's Day weekend! I am so sorry I haven't been posting as often. I am working on a blog post that is taking time because I want to get it right. In the meantime, I had this thought today and wanted to share.

I love you all! Married life is wonderful and I'll fill you all in on that later!

God is great, you are loved, let's be kind!!

Xoxo

Mattie Ruth Radke VELASQUEZ

Progress, not perfection.

It's been a beautiful week coming back to camp! I was well-rested from my time at home and I had a lot of energy the first couple of days. It has mellowed out now and I can control it more, but it's still there.

This week I've been trying to be more Christlike. I've been trying to be nicer, more thoughtful, and more focused on my tasks that I have to do–there's more but those are the top three. I'm not perfect at them, but I'm proud of my progress so far. 

Pat–our camp chaplain–shares a quote each day at breakfast. The quote the other day was: "God doesn't expect perfection but He does expect progress." For some reason that really resonated with me. Maybe because of all the failures I've had with overcoming and fixing different parts of me. Or maybe not, I don't know. What I do know is this: I'm trying to be better each day than I was the day before, each day I've made some progress, and ANY amount of progress is okay! As long as you are working to make an effort, God is proud of you. 

There's a spot in camp that I like to go on Saturdays because it's really peaceful and quiet, and out of the way of other people. I go there to sit, think, and ponder. I go there when I'm in need of a break, or when I am just in need of time for me without other people. Since I'm alone, I talk to Heavenly Father out loud. It gets really emotional really fast, but it's really helpful for me to talk to Him about all of the things I'm going through because He completely understands. And the great thing is that even when I'm completely indecipherable or inconsolable, the peace of the water around me, the sounds of the birds–they all help bring me back to earth. 

I've learned a lot this summer. And I'm sure I still have more to learn. But I've learned that even when I don't feel Him, relying on my Heavenly Father keeps me grounded. I've learned that He's always blessing me–even when I don't always hear Him. I've learned that even when I feel like I don't make a difference, and when I feel unnoticed, I am making a difference–somehow, to someone, I am making a difference. It's true that I might not always be noticed, but more often than not I am noticed, and I am missed. 

I don't know what kind of impact I'm going to have on the world. Or even if I will have an impact on the world. But I do know this: the world is going to have an impact on me. And I can't wait to find it, and feel it. 

I hope you have a beautiful week!! I hope you find someone who needs your help and love, and I hope you find something new and special about yourself. 

Xoxo

Mattie

October.

It's October. I love October. The colours, and it's fall. I love fall. It's so pretty and cool (literally; the temperature drops from high eighties to whatever it drops to...let's say forties) and it's just fall. There are no words to describe it other than "It's fall." Sometimes I just love thinking about the world, and what God has created for us. And I can't help but think, "How in the world can people think there isn't a God? It's all around us...how can they think that?" And it's true. It is all around us. It didn't just decide one day that it wanted to be and BOOM! it was. No. God created the heavens and the earth, and He created us. And the changing of seasons reminds me of that. All of nature, really. And it's just so pretty and I love it. :)

Nature.

I love rain. It's so pretty and it feels good, and it smells nice before, during, and after the rain. Interesting factoid of the week: Did you know that the smell of earth after rain is called petrichor? Well, now you do. Anyway, I love nature. It's an amazing reminder to me that God loves us. 

I mean, do you see these pictures????? Isn't it just beautiful? How can you not love it??? How can you not think of Heavenly Father or Jesus Christ when you see any or all of it? Waterfalls, butterflies, flowers, rain scenes, forest scenes, and any combination of the five are my favorite types of nature/scenery, because they remind me how beautiful Heavenly Father made this world. He never forgets you, and sometimes He will send you different things that He knows you need, like a butterfly or something someone says or does. Sometimes He'll even send you a person. These, children, are called 'tender mercies'. Nature just reminds me of our Heavenly Father's and our Savior's love for us all. Springtime and fall are my seasons because it's changing and it's so beautiful, I can't help but be reminded of my Heavenly Father and His love for me. He created this beautiful world for all of us, and He wants us to remember that He is always there and that He will never forget us.