Progress isn't perfect, it's progress.

Happy New Year! I hope you all celebrated safely with your friends and family. :)

This year, I am wanting to work more on my scripture study, working on Family History, exercising/stretching several times a week, and on taking a step back before I engage in any conversations that might cause me to be extra emotional (for various reasons, many of which are "because I am too overcome with the fulness of my emotions and can't properly voice my feelings without crying").

So far, I am doing pretty okay at these things. There is always room for improvement, and I am excited to see where I go from here! In addition to these things, I am also trying to be more okay with the times that things don't go as I had planned. Sometimes it's hard. I am trying harder every day to rise above my emotions and take control. Because my emotions don't control me; I control my emotions. It's okay to feel sad, and angry, but only for a little while. Taking hold of the reins is hard, but I am learning. 

I am trying very hard to remember to look ahead in comfort and peace, and not to look back in dismay and regret–I am not going that direction. You can't move backwards, and you can't change the past. So keep moving forward and change your future. 

I am also trying to remember that I don't need to be perfect at all these things all at the same time. It's okay for my progress to go up and down in some areas. Progress isn't perfect, it's progress. Life is up and down, and so is our progress at times. 

Luke 2 verses 40 and 52 says:

40 And the child grew, and waxed strong in spirit, filled with wisdom: and the grace of God was upon him.

52 And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and man.

Just like Jesus, we, too, grow and learn bit by bit, line upon line, precept on precept. He didn't know everything all at once, and He didn't grow all at once.

I love that God knows me, and that He knows what I need. I love that He knows where I am, and where I am going. I love that He is guiding me, and trusting me, and working with me. I am grateful for a husband who loves me and lets me take my time. I am grateful for a Savior who knows how to help me, and who loves me where I am.

Happy Sunday! I hope you all had a wonderful day. My younger brother Lander was ordained to the office of Deacon in our Church today and I am so proud of him! He is a smart, helpful, and sweet little guy who will do much good in the world!

I hope this week is full of tender mercies and blessings for you! God loves you, and I do too! May this year be one of growth for us all!

Xoxo

Mattie

Having the faith to be patient.

In Luke 1: 38, Mary said, "Behold the handmaiden of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word." I love this scripture because it shows the amount of faith and love that Mary had for God, and for His plan for her. Even though there was a lot of things that she didn't know about what was going to happen, and even though the situation wasn't entirely ideal for her or Joseph, she still had faith in her Heavenly Father. I can learn from Mary's example of faith and love in and for the Lord and trust that He has an extraordinary plan for me, and that if I ask Him, He will help me know and understand His plan for me. 

In his talk entitled "Faith Is Not by Chance, but by Choice", Elder Andersen said that, "Faith in Jesus Christ is a gift from heaven that comes as we choose to believe and as we seek and hold on to it." I love this quote because not only does it say that faith is a gift from heaven, but it says that it is our choice. Much like Mary, who chose to believe in her Father in Heaven's plan for her, I can choose to believe in my Father's plan for me. I can choose to have faith in His Son, Jesus Christ, and I can choose to continue to have faith, despite any uncertainties or questions that may come up in my life. There is much that I do not know and understand about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and there is much that I do not know and understand about life. But I choose to believe in a loving Heavenly Father and Savior, and I choose to have faith that everything will work out in the end. I choose to have faith that as long as I am doing my part, and as long as I am trying to love and serve those around me, that everything will be okay.

In her song "The Waiting Place", Calee Reed shares the message that God is always with us. Sometimes, even when we've been faithful, God doesn't always show us what we should do. It feels like He has left us alone. We keep pleading, pleading, pleading for answers, direction, peace, and love. 

"As we beg for peace, and trust in His love,
We may not get the answers we want
But answers come pouring from heaven above
And He whispers, You will know what to do
Just keep listening for direction
The path is yours to choose
Turn your heart where I beckon
Every question will be answered
So don't lose your faith
God is here waiting with you in your waiting place
You are never alone in your waiting place."

The answers will come. The peace will come. They might not be what we are looking for, but they will come. We just need to have faith, and we just need to keep praying, and keep listening. God is there. I promise.

Story time: In the summer of 2017, I was feeling a little lost, and I felt like I needed something more in my life. I was feeling kind of...stagnant in my testimony. So I wanted to start preparing to go through the temple. I didn't entirely feel ready, though. I went through the temple prep classes, and I was reading my scriptures and praying, but I still wasn't feeling ready. So I put it on the back burner, but it was still something I wanted. In the summer of 2018, I went to work at a scout camp up at Bear Lake. I was able to spend a lot of time in nature, connecting with my Savior, and my Father in Heaven. By the end of the summer, I had learned a lot and grown closer to my Savior. I finally felt ready! After discussing things with Bishop, I went to the temple prep classes again. Afterwards, I felt like there was no need for me to wait anymore. And so we set up an appointment for my temple recommend interview for the following month...and it's almost here! On Tuesday, I am meeting with Bishop (and the stake president) for my interview! And on Saturday, January 19th, 2019, I will be going through the temple for the first time!! I cannot wait! I am so excited!! And I am so thankful that I decided to wait till I actually felt ready. Before, it was just something that I wanted and thought I needed, and that's good. That's a good start. But I could feel that I wasn't ready; I needed more time. And somehow...somehow I was able to be patient as I worked with myself in being ready. And I am so thankful that I was able to work on myself, and my testimony more. I know that God has blessed me in the past year and a half since I decided that I wanted to work towards this goal, and I am so grateful for His love and hand in my life!

This experience has been amazing. As I'm looking back, I'm realizing that I was not only patient, but I was ecstatic to be patient! I didn't want to go through if I didn't feel ready. I feel blessed that I was able to understand how special and sacred this experience is going to be, and how I have wanted to be as prepared as I can be. I am grateful that I had the faith to be patient, and wait till I felt ready. I am grateful that I have had such a loving support system, and I am grateful that I have had such a special desire to wait until I was ready to go through. I know that God will bless me for that.

I am grateful that I will have such a busy week at school this week! It will help the week go by faster as I am waiting for Saturday to come! I am looking forward to this semester, and to growing and learning. I am looking forward to graduating in June! I can't believe I am almost done with school! I am looking forward to getting out in the world and to making my mark! I can't wait to see what I do!

Have a great week!

Xoxo
Mattie

I can #LightTheWorld by donating.

Not only is it now December, but it snowed last night!!!! I am so excited!!! I love Christmastime!! 🌨🌨🌨❄️❄️❄️

I can't believe that there are two weeks left of classes!! This semester has flown by! I only have 4 finals, and 3 of them are scheduled for the last two days, so I'm going to have a lot of time to study and get ready for the break!

I have a lot of projects due this week and next, so I hope that I can get them all done! I am so nervous! I have been struggling to focus because I know that I need to get them all done, but I just can't focus on one and so it's been really stressful. I am hoping to be able to make a list of the things I need to get done and their due dates so I can just work on them in order of the closest due dates.

I can't believe that 2018 is almost over!!!! What???!!! Where has the time gone?? It seems like just yesterday I was being surprised by my roommates and friends for my 21st birthday! Man, what a time that was!! I was so surprised and I felt so, so, so, so loved!!! And now, here I am, 11 months later, and I'm now in my last year of college, I've applied for graduation, I'm in a new apartment complex and ward, I've bought (and totaled...) my first car, I've been on many crazy and fun adventures, I've met so many new people, I started taking medication for my anxiety and depression, I've been able to see its impact in my life, and I'm preparing to go through the temple for the first time in a few months. I have come so far this year! I am honestly so proud of myself!! I've been through some tough things this year, but I have been able to get through it!! I am so excited to see where not only the rest of the semester will go, but where this next year will take me!!

Today was Fast Sunday, and I bore my testimony in sacrament meeting. I am so grateful for all that my Father in Heaven has done for me this year. It has been a difficult year at times, but I have learned and grown a lot, and I have been able to depend on Him.

He has blessed me with the best people in my life this year! I have felt SO MUCH LOVE this year!! And even when I have felt so depressed, lonely, stressed, anxious, upset, etc., I have been able to look back...I have been able to look back on my surprise party, and the notes that my friends wrote me...I have been able to look back on the times when I knew I could trust my friends...I have been able to look back on my adventures...I have been able to look back on the little moments...and I have been able to remember that I am loved!

Despite what my broken brain tells me, and despite what Satan tries to tell me, I am loved, and I am a daughter of the Most High God!! I have so many friends and family members who love me and are proud of me! Even when I don't feel like they love me or are proud of me, they keep loving me anyway.

The fact that they keep loving me anyway is a blessing. Because it means that they believe in me. They believe that I can overcome and rise above my mental disorders–but even when I can't, they are still there for me. That means so much to me!! I am so thankful that I have people in my life that I can count on to love me, have faith in me, are proud of me, and know that I can do it–because sometimes, I don't love myself...don't have faith in myself...am not proud of myself...don't think I can do it...and sometimes I don't think anyone else loves me, has faith in me, or is proud of me, either.

But I do! And they do! I do love myself, and I do have people who love me. I am grateful for the blessings that I have received this year, and this past semester. I am grateful that I am surrounded by so much goodness! I am grateful for the growth that I have seen in myself this year. I am grateful for the progress that I have ultimately made this year.

I am grateful for my Father in Heaven, and for His faith in me. He has given me so many chances to start over again...and I am so thankful that He loves me that much.

I am grateful for my Savior, and for His sacrifice for me. He bled and died for me, and He is always with me...I know that He loves me, and I know that He wants me to be able to live with my Father in Heaven again, and I am so thankful that He loves me enough to help me to be able to do so.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This year, for Christmas, the Church is doing #LightTheWorld again, but they are doing a weekly setup instead of the daily opportunities. The theme is Give as He Gave. On the Church's Light the World website, the top of the page says, "Jesus Christ, the Light of the World, spent much of His ministry caring for individuals, one by one. Join us this Christmas as we follow His example and find ways to share our time, love, and resources with those in need." I love this! I am so excited to be able to Light the World this year!!

The first week is Light the World. Jesus Christ taught, “Ye are the light of the world.” We can share that light to all of God’s children when we give as He gave to people near and far. How do you want to #LightTheWorld? You can do so many things! Here are a few examples:

1. Yesterday, I was coming home from spending some time with my grandparents, and there was a group of people who were hanging out around the front of my apartment complex. These two guys asked if they could help me carry some stuff...I literally had my purse and my leftover sandwich...but I said, "Sure." I was really confused, obviously, until one of the guys said that they were going around doing service for #LightTheWorld. I thought it was super sweet and was thankful that they wanted to help–even if I didn't really need it! 

2. This week, my stake is doing a blood drive, and I was able to sign up!!! Every time I've ever tried to sign up when my last stake was doing blood drives, I was unable to make it. I am so excited!! I know that giving blood is important! I am also excited because I received my new driver's license this weekend, and I am now a donor! 

3. The BYU Design Department is holding a clothing drive on campus for homeless youth in Salt Lake City, and I think I might be able to drop some stuff off at one of the donation boxes on campus this week.

I know that these are little things that might not really matter right now, but they mean so much to me. I have recently been watching a lot of medical dramas haha which–I know they're not entirely accurate haha, but it has really burned into me the importance of donors. Especially at this time of the year, when it's really cold, and snowy, and icy–people get hurt a lot. I want to be able to help, if I can, and being a donor is important to me because if I have what somebody needs, then I should share it! 

I am grateful for the opportunities I have to serve those around me, and to bless them. I know that it is important for everyone to feel loved and to have what they need to survive, and to have love and support from those around them. And it is important for everyone to have people that they can count on. I want to be someone that my friends and family can count on.

I am so grateful for this Christmas season, and for the chance I have to think about my Savior, and about His birth, and His life, and the reason that He did all that He did. He did it all for us. He did it all for you, and He did it all for me. I am so blessed that He loves me enough to have atoned for me, and died for me. 

I love Him so much! He is my best friend and I can always count on Him! He and Heavenly Father are always there, and always listening. When I am having a bad day, and all I want to do is cry, I know that I can turn to Them. I can always ask God all of my questions...I can always tell Him all of my fears...all of my hopes and dreams...and I can always tell Him how I feel, no matter what. Sometimes I am upset because I don't understand why my life is going the way that it is going. He understands that. Sometimes I am frustrated because I can't figure out what He wants me to do. He understands that. Sometimes I am mad because I want something in my life that I can't have right now. He understands that. He understands it all. And He is there for me every step of the way. And if we need to stop climbing the mountain to let me breathe a little...we do.

Xoxo

Mattie

It's okay to be imperfect.

It's okay not to be perfect. In fact, it's okay to be IMperfect. Our Heavenly Father loves us as we are right now. Imperfections and all. But He also wants us to improve ourselves. We all have weaknesses. Some of them we can't fix by ourselves. We need His help. He has given us all the tools we need to be able to improve ourselves and work to be better people. One of the things that He has given us is His Son, Jesus Christ–our Savior. Our Savior knows what we are going through. He knows what we have gone through. He knows how to help us get through our trials. 

According to the Topical Guide, weakness is "the condition of being mortal and lacking ability, strength, or skill. Weakness is a state of being. All people are weak, and it is only by God's grace that they receive power to do righteous acts." In Ether 12:27, we are told that God gives us weakness to become humble, and if we humble ourselves and have faith, He will take our weaknesses and make them strengths. If we take our weaknesses to Him, and tell Him that we need help overcoming it, He will help us. He will help us make it into a strength. It might not always be what we were expecting, but it will be what we need, and sometimes it will be what others need from us. 

You might be asking, "How does this work? How does He use our weaknesses and turn them into strengths?" Well, I found an article that helps discuss just that! You can find it here, and I will share a few quotes and things from it for those of you who don't want to read it. ;)

"At first blush, it seems counterintuitive that the Lord would call upon the weak things of the earth to accomplish a mighty work. To appreciate why the Lord calls the weak, remember that the Lord says his work must be accomplished in His own way and by the power of His Spirit: His ways, in other words, not our ways. Those who perceive themselves to be “strong” do not turn wholeheartedly to the Lord for guidance. Instead, they rely on their own wisdom and their own understanding, “the arm of the flesh.” As a consequence, they are left to their own strength; and they will find in the end—to their dismay—that their strength is insufficient."

I love this! Sometimes I think the Lord uses our weaknesses, and other weak things, in order to prove that He is God–to prove that He can do all things. In Judges, God takes Gideon's army and downsizes it from 32,000 men to 300–and they won against an army of 135,000!! If that doesn't show the power and strength of obeying God, and the power and strength of something that appears weak but God has made strong, I don't know what does.

In the Book of Mormon, when the Nephites go to war against the Lamanites with the strength of the Lord, they always prevail. When they boast of their strengths, and forget the Lord, they fail.

There is a difference between humbly accepting your weaknesses...and just plain old tearing yourself down because you think you're not enough or you've just done things wrong. Stop tearing yourself down! I, too, am guilty of this, I am not going to lie. I have a problem with it. That is one of my weaknesses (and personally, I think it is one that everyone struggles with but I am not going to judge). When you get on your knees, and tell the Lord, honestly, and full of hope and faith, "I struggle with this. Will you help me?" He will help you. He loves when we turn to Him because that means that we are being humble! Knowing that we cannot do things on our own, and turning to Him for help is being humble! It's accepting that you can't do it by yourself, and you need the Lord's help.

God has a work for us to do...and He uses us in our weakness to strengthen those around us.

I have a new goal for myself. I am trying to focus on being worthy to go through the temple. I'm not sure when I will be ready to go through, but I am wanting to at least be worthy to go through for awhile before I actually go through. I have been thinking about it for awhile, but haven't really focused on it yet, and now I want to focus on it. I think that one thing that has been stressing me out about the future is that the only 'goal' I have so far to look forward to is one that I don't really have opportunities for right now. So, if I have this goal to work on, I have something to look forward to. I have something to work towards.

I'm going back to Bear Lake today! I'm so excited! I've had a great week spending time with my family. It's been good to relax, and I'm excited to go back to work! The rest of the summer is going to be so fun!!

I hope you have a wonderful week!! And I hope that you know that God loves you so much and He wants what's best for you!!

Xoxo
Mattie