Purposeful change.

I can't believe this is the last week of August!! Where has the time gone?? There are 120 days left til Christmas–that's four months!! I still feel like we just finished January!

I'm starting to get really excited for this week at work! I'm hoping to make some Gak today that the kiddos will be able to make shapes out of. I want to color it different colors (because our theme is shapes and colors) but somehow we only have green food coloring, and I used that for a different activity last week, so I don't want them to have just green things hahaha–there are more colors than that! So we'll see! Maybe I'll make my own food coloring somehow! (Just kidding...I looked it up and it's waaaay more complicated than I thought it would be!). I am really grateful for my job! And I am grateful for my kiddos and for their willingness to give me a chance. One of my kiddos has never called me Miss Mattie before this week–he has only ever called me Teacher, and I almost cried when he called me Miss Mattie! I sure hope that I am changing these kids' lives, because they are definitely changing mine!

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I went to the temple yesterday and I had such a wonderful time. I often go in with a question or thought to ponder, but yesterday I didn't and I just felt so much peace. When I was sitting in the celestial room, I was trying to ponder some questions I thought of while sitting there but all I felt was peace, and that I didn't need to worry right now. I am grateful for the opportunity I have to live near so many temples and I am grateful for the love that I feel from my Heavenly Father every time I am near.

Every day this week, I've been listening to conference talks, and I took note of some of my favorite things that were said. I'd like to share two quotes that I loved from Sister Michelle Craig's talk "Divine Discontent":

• "Being more does not equate with doing more." 
• "Divine discontent leads to humility."

I remember specifically loving these quotes when I first heard them in conference as well, and I thought about why these quotes specifically stick out to me. 

I think that that first quote really stands out to me because sometimes I feel like I am not doing enough–I feel like I am not good enough. So I try to do more things...but honestly, that does nothing, just like the quote says. I need to be content with the efforts that I am making and recognize that they are good enough! And they are helping me be enough. The efforts that I make to try and be more like Christ, and to help those around me, are perfect for me. They are perfect in helping me grow, and in helping those around me. Because when I am working with Christ, my efforts are perfected. 

As for the second quote, Sister Craig goes on to say that, "Discontent becomes divine when we humbly approach Jesus Christ with our want, rather than hold back in self-pity." 

Heavenly Father will multiply our efforts to be enough. There have been many times where I did something so small and simple and was even slightly embarrassed to have done it, but later was informed that it had meant so much to a friend and that they really appreciated it. 

As I turn to my Savior, humbly pleading for His help and guidance, I will be able to rise above and have divine discontent. I will be able to accept that I am not enough by myself, but that with Him, I am. 

I am grateful for the experiences that I have had this week! I had a conversation with a friend the other night that was very humbling, and made me realize a lot of things. I am trying to work very hard on owning my feelings, and realizing that I have a choice as to how I feel. It's hard work to change my feelings, especially when they feel so ingrained in me, but I know that with His help, I can do it. For were there not many people in the Book of Mormon who hardened their hearts, but later repented and turned to the Lord? (Not that my heart is hardened–just trying to show that it's not impossible to change your feelings). 

As I look back over the last few months, and my time at work, I can see how my feelings towards certain things have changed by accident–just through living life. How much more can my feelings towards things change if I turn to the Lord and purposefully try to change my feelings? I hope that it's a lot! Purposeful change, to me, is more personal and sweet because it shows that I am making the choices to change. They are not just happening to me, I am choosing them.

Grateful for a God who lets me see my flaws and know what things I need to change! I'm also grateful that He is very much aware and involved in how, when, and what I need to change! I'm so thankful that the Most Divine Being in the universe allows me to change and try to be like Him! 💜

Xoxo

Mattie

It's okay to be imperfect.

It's okay not to be perfect. In fact, it's okay to be IMperfect. Our Heavenly Father loves us as we are right now. Imperfections and all. But He also wants us to improve ourselves. We all have weaknesses. Some of them we can't fix by ourselves. We need His help. He has given us all the tools we need to be able to improve ourselves and work to be better people. One of the things that He has given us is His Son, Jesus Christ–our Savior. Our Savior knows what we are going through. He knows what we have gone through. He knows how to help us get through our trials. 

According to the Topical Guide, weakness is "the condition of being mortal and lacking ability, strength, or skill. Weakness is a state of being. All people are weak, and it is only by God's grace that they receive power to do righteous acts." In Ether 12:27, we are told that God gives us weakness to become humble, and if we humble ourselves and have faith, He will take our weaknesses and make them strengths. If we take our weaknesses to Him, and tell Him that we need help overcoming it, He will help us. He will help us make it into a strength. It might not always be what we were expecting, but it will be what we need, and sometimes it will be what others need from us. 

You might be asking, "How does this work? How does He use our weaknesses and turn them into strengths?" Well, I found an article that helps discuss just that! You can find it here, and I will share a few quotes and things from it for those of you who don't want to read it. ;)

"At first blush, it seems counterintuitive that the Lord would call upon the weak things of the earth to accomplish a mighty work. To appreciate why the Lord calls the weak, remember that the Lord says his work must be accomplished in His own way and by the power of His Spirit: His ways, in other words, not our ways. Those who perceive themselves to be “strong” do not turn wholeheartedly to the Lord for guidance. Instead, they rely on their own wisdom and their own understanding, “the arm of the flesh.” As a consequence, they are left to their own strength; and they will find in the end—to their dismay—that their strength is insufficient."

I love this! Sometimes I think the Lord uses our weaknesses, and other weak things, in order to prove that He is God–to prove that He can do all things. In Judges, God takes Gideon's army and downsizes it from 32,000 men to 300–and they won against an army of 135,000!! If that doesn't show the power and strength of obeying God, and the power and strength of something that appears weak but God has made strong, I don't know what does.

In the Book of Mormon, when the Nephites go to war against the Lamanites with the strength of the Lord, they always prevail. When they boast of their strengths, and forget the Lord, they fail.

There is a difference between humbly accepting your weaknesses...and just plain old tearing yourself down because you think you're not enough or you've just done things wrong. Stop tearing yourself down! I, too, am guilty of this, I am not going to lie. I have a problem with it. That is one of my weaknesses (and personally, I think it is one that everyone struggles with but I am not going to judge). When you get on your knees, and tell the Lord, honestly, and full of hope and faith, "I struggle with this. Will you help me?" He will help you. He loves when we turn to Him because that means that we are being humble! Knowing that we cannot do things on our own, and turning to Him for help is being humble! It's accepting that you can't do it by yourself, and you need the Lord's help.

God has a work for us to do...and He uses us in our weakness to strengthen those around us.

I have a new goal for myself. I am trying to focus on being worthy to go through the temple. I'm not sure when I will be ready to go through, but I am wanting to at least be worthy to go through for awhile before I actually go through. I have been thinking about it for awhile, but haven't really focused on it yet, and now I want to focus on it. I think that one thing that has been stressing me out about the future is that the only 'goal' I have so far to look forward to is one that I don't really have opportunities for right now. So, if I have this goal to work on, I have something to look forward to. I have something to work towards.

I'm going back to Bear Lake today! I'm so excited! I've had a great week spending time with my family. It's been good to relax, and I'm excited to go back to work! The rest of the summer is going to be so fun!!

I hope you have a wonderful week!! And I hope that you know that God loves you so much and He wants what's best for you!!

Xoxo
Mattie

Here in mortality, perfection is still pending.

I have been studying the scriptures with a friend for the past couple of days and it has been such a blessing! I am learning so much more than I usually do by myself as we talk and discuss the scriptures together. I am so thankful for her insights and love–we had a really awesome study session last night and I learned several new things that I am excited to incorporate into my life. One thing I am hoping to work on is not only being humble enough to trust Heavenly Father, but I also want to work on trusting Him enough to be humble.

We were reading in Doctrine and Covenants section 67 last night, and in verse 3 it says, "there were fears in your hearts, and verily this is the reason that ye did not receive." I loved that because I thought it explained so much! Sometimes we don't trust Him enough, and we are more afraid...and that is why we don't get answers. Because fear comes from Satan, not God, and when we are afraid, we are essentially not trusting Him, so why would He give us an answer if we don't trust Him? Lately I have been coming to terms with the fact that I think I do not trust Him enough...which really makes me sad, but probably makes Him even more devastated. And even though I have been trying to work on it, I don't think that I have really been focused on it all that much. So that is one of my goals for this next week/the next couple of weeks. I know that with His help, I can do it. 

In sacrament meeting today, Aunica talked about four types of members, and specifically about the fourth type. She talked about how we need to give up our will, and be willing to do whatever God asks of us. We need to take the steps necessary to do His will. One thing that she briefly mentioned that I absolutely loved was the fact that it [meaning, for instance, our Sabbath day worship, our daily worship, etc.] only becomes for us when we let it be for Him. 

Brother Thompson talked about how we don't need to be perfect right now, we just need to strive to be perfect. He said, "Here in mortality, perfection is still pending." We have an opportunity to improve, and that's the goal–line upon line, precept on precept. 

I feel like a lot of the lessons I learned in church today complemented a lot of the messages that Haley and I studied last night, and I am so grateful for that. I am so thankful for the scriptures, and for the fact that she and I study the most amazing and perfect things for me when I need them, and I hope and pray that they help her when she needs them, too.

It's hard to accept the fact that sometimes, you don't know what is going on in your life. It's hard to accept that you don't know what is going to happen. It's hard to accept that sometimes, God trusts you to make decisions. My roommates and I were talking this morning about that, and Carrie said that sometimes, when you don't really feel prompted one way or another, that just means that the decision you're trying to make doesn't really make a difference one way or another. And it means that God trusts you. And I said, "Well, He trusts me more than I trust myself." And she said that maybe that means that I need to learn to trust myself more, and trust Him more. And she's right. I have been struggling recently with a lot of different things, and realized that I need to learn to accept His trust, and help, and I need to learn to be humble. I've been struggling to focus on lots of different things in my life right now so I am only going to focus on one thing right now, and that is my humility. I feel like, as I learn more about humility, and being humble, and as I become more humble, I will eventually also be able to trust Him more, so really it's like hitting two birds with one stone, just slowly. 

I am grateful for the lessons that I have learned this weekend. I am grateful for supportive and loving friends, and family. I am grateful for the resources that I have access to. I am grateful for the fact that I am here on Earth. I am grateful for the opportunities I have to learn and grow. I am grateful that I am able to go to school. I am grateful for the opportunities that I have to serve those around me. I am grateful for the people in my life who help me remember who I am, and how strong I am, and how brave, and kind, and intelligent, and loved. I am grateful for those who do not let me degrade myself, and for those who lift me up when I am feeling down, and when I cannot lift myself up. I am grateful for those who remind me of Jesus Christ, and of what He would do. I am grateful for those who stand as witnesses of God, at all times, and for those who stand with me. I am grateful for those who not only love me, but let me love them. 

I can't believe that March is coming to a close soon! The semester is going by so fast! I hope that you have a wonderful week! Heavenly Father loves you!! 

Xoxo

Mattie

Humility is having self-compassion.

I'm grateful for the rain! Yeah, it's cold, and wet, but it's peaceful and means it's time for sweater weather! Ready to read some thoughts I've been having lately? Sweet–let's go!

So grateful for the opportunity to listen to/watch the General Women's Session of Conference last night! It was a wonderfully uplifting session! SO excited for General Conference next weekend! I'm also grateful for the weekend that I've had, alone though I was. My roommates all went to a Relief Society overnight trip our ward was having. I wanted to go but couldn't get anyone to cover for me. Anyway, I did have fun, and I learned some things. For example, I learned there is a medicine that sufficiently helps me feel better when I've had a headache all week and its intensity worsened on Saturday (grateful my coworker had some!). I also learned a lot from the conference session last night. While I was listening to Sister Eubank's talk on the way home from work, I had an amazing and profound thought that has been growing for a few weeks now: "Being humble doesn't mean you can degrade yourself or believe you have a negative self worth." Something she said just sparked that thought, and I'm so grateful it did because it was something I've needed to hear for awhile. I'm also grateful for my Savior, who blessed me this week and weekend, and for the fact that, as I've followed my new therapist's advice to be more self-compassionate, and as I've been reading my scriptures and praying more consistently, my week has just been so much better! Despite the headaches, and the crazy week, overall it was just better than last week. I was less stressed, and less anxious, and less depressed. I'm grateful for that experience. It gives me hope for the future. :)

I went to Gospel Principles today, and today we talked about Jesus Christ. There were honestly just a lot of really great things that were said about Him, so I'm just going to list them:
-Jesus should be relatable. Someone we trust to talk to.
-God has never asked for anything but faith from us.
-Christ loves us for who we are right now. He'll turn our weaknesses to strengths. He takes what we already are and turns us into a better version of ourselves.
-You are ENOUGH.
-Heavenly Father loves you and wants you to be happy.

Relief Society was awesome! My roommates were teaching today :)
-One thing that Dahlia said that I really liked was that, "Only a perfect person can really see all our imperfections." She said something about how you know how much you've grown or learned when you look back, and see how little you knew way back when. And only Jesus Christ can really see all our imperfections. Sure, we know we're imperfect. But we don't know just how imperfect we are because we ourselves are not perfect.
-God wants us to be happy was repeated again, but also it's just such a true statement. God wants us to be happy, no matter who we are, or where we are in life.

I was bearing my testimony after the lesson, and I said, "Humility is having self-compassion." Humility is learning to love yourself as you are. Humility isn't, as I've said, 'degrad[ing] yourself or believ[ing] you have a negative self worth.' Humility is learning to love and accept yourself–flaws and all. It is something that I have been struggling with, but I have been working on it, and it has made me happier. Praying and reading my scriptures daily, or more daily, has also really helped. Together, working on these little things has made me happier, and brought more peace into my life. I challenge you to do the same. You don't have to work on them all at the same time, like I am, but I promise you that you will be blessed in your efforts.

Xoxo
Mattie

Life is messy.

Today was our multi-stake conference, and I'm really grateful for the things that I heard today. I definitely needed to hear a lot of the messages today! I'm going to share a few of my favorites. :)

Even though we missed the beginning of Elder Cook's talk, I loved what he said about the Book of Mormon. He said, "There is power in the Book of Mormon." I fully believe it. I am reading the Book of Mormon for my religion class, and it's been a source of peace and comfort, and has given me strength as I've read it.

Sister Franco talked about being of good cheer.
1. Understand that we have a Father in Heaven and a Savior who loves us.
2. Understand that we have a Heavenly Father who gave us commandments to help us be happy.
3. Understand the importance of gratitude in our lives.
4. Understand that service brings joy to our lives.

Elder Uceda said that, "Mighty prayers overcome apathy." He said that mighty prayers are prayers from the heart. My favorite thing he said was, "As we search the scriptures, understanding comes to our mind, and doubts go away."

Elder Stevenson talked about humility, obedience, and virtue.
Humility:
Humility is willingness to submit to the Lord. The opposite of humility is pride, which gives honor to ourselves, it's competitive, and causes us to hold grudges or withhold forgiveness. He said that meekness, humility, and forgiveness are all cousins. I thought that was a great way of showing how closely related they are.

Obedience:
Obedience is the first law of heaven, and an act of faith. It's a safety and protection for us. It brings blessings, and those blessings bring happiness.

Virtue:
Virtue originates in our innermost thoughts. It is a prerequisite to receiving the Spirit's guidance. He said that reduced screen time and increased scripture study may increase virtue. I thought that was really interesting! But also true, I'm sure. I know I'm more focused and attentive when I'm spending a lot more time out doing things (though that's hard to do during the school year, especially when all of your math homework is online).

Diligent efforts can lead to Christlike attributes becoming or being second nature. Our journey to achieve Christlike attributes requires discipline.

He also shared this quote from Howard W. Hunter: "Mend a quarrel. Seek out a forgotten friend. Dismiss suspicion and replace it with trust. Write a letter. Give a soft answer. Encourage youth. Manifest your loyalty in word and deed. Keep a promise. Forgo a grudge. Forgive an enemy. Apologize. Try to understand. Examine your demands on others. Think first of someone else. Be kind. Be gentle. Laugh a little more. Express your gratitude. Welcome a stranger. Gladden the heart of a child. Take pleasure in the beauty and wonder of the earth. Speak your love and then speak it again." 

I loved this quote so much! I think sometimes we often forget the beauty and grace that is around us. We forget how awesome it is to lift someone's spirits. We forget how beautiful the earth around us is. We forget who loves us. We forget how blessed we truly are, and we forget that those blessings will always come.

This week was the first week of school for me, and I honestly struggled a bit. The first day was fine, but after the second day, when I was looking to the homework I needed to do, I got overwhelmed at all of the homework I was going to have over the whole semester for all of my classes and I kind of had a panic attack. Friday was a little bit better, but Saturday was a giant mess, because I worked from 8-4 and then the football game was Saturday night and it was a struggle getting into the game. But my friends and I made it, and it was fun watching the game with them.

I realized some things about myself this week, and this weekend, and I really need to work on a couple of things. I'm kind of nervous, just because I hate adding to my pile of things to do, but I'm hoping that I can just work them into my life and not specifically have to worry about them or deal with it. It'll just kind of...be a part of my life, and exist. Except life is messy, so that might not happen.  But! I have God on my side, and He knows where I am going, and what I need to do to get there. So, even though things might not happen the way I plan or want them to, things will happen, and I will grow, and change, and become who I need to be.

I hope you have had a great Sunday and weekend! I hope you've learned some things, and made some goals to improve. There's always room for improvement. I am grateful for my Savior, who is always willing to help me improve and progress. I'm grateful for friends, and family, who are always willing to listen, and always willing to help. I'm grateful for new experiences, difficult times, and trials that help me stretch and grow, and get out of my comfort zone. I've never really said this before, but I'm grateful for emotions, and feelings, and the fact that I get to feel so deeply. Sometimes it's hard, and painful, and messy, and I just want to not feel so intensely, but the painful times are worth all the happy and joyous ones that I experience so often. God is good, and I am blessed.

Xoxo
Mattie