I can #LightTheWorld by donating.

Not only is it now December, but it snowed last night!!!! I am so excited!!! I love Christmastime!! 🌨🌨🌨❄️❄️❄️

I can't believe that there are two weeks left of classes!! This semester has flown by! I only have 4 finals, and 3 of them are scheduled for the last two days, so I'm going to have a lot of time to study and get ready for the break!

I have a lot of projects due this week and next, so I hope that I can get them all done! I am so nervous! I have been struggling to focus because I know that I need to get them all done, but I just can't focus on one and so it's been really stressful. I am hoping to be able to make a list of the things I need to get done and their due dates so I can just work on them in order of the closest due dates.

I can't believe that 2018 is almost over!!!! What???!!! Where has the time gone?? It seems like just yesterday I was being surprised by my roommates and friends for my 21st birthday! Man, what a time that was!! I was so surprised and I felt so, so, so, so loved!!! And now, here I am, 11 months later, and I'm now in my last year of college, I've applied for graduation, I'm in a new apartment complex and ward, I've bought (and totaled...) my first car, I've been on many crazy and fun adventures, I've met so many new people, I started taking medication for my anxiety and depression, I've been able to see its impact in my life, and I'm preparing to go through the temple for the first time in a few months. I have come so far this year! I am honestly so proud of myself!! I've been through some tough things this year, but I have been able to get through it!! I am so excited to see where not only the rest of the semester will go, but where this next year will take me!!

Today was Fast Sunday, and I bore my testimony in sacrament meeting. I am so grateful for all that my Father in Heaven has done for me this year. It has been a difficult year at times, but I have learned and grown a lot, and I have been able to depend on Him.

He has blessed me with the best people in my life this year! I have felt SO MUCH LOVE this year!! And even when I have felt so depressed, lonely, stressed, anxious, upset, etc., I have been able to look back...I have been able to look back on my surprise party, and the notes that my friends wrote me...I have been able to look back on the times when I knew I could trust my friends...I have been able to look back on my adventures...I have been able to look back on the little moments...and I have been able to remember that I am loved!

Despite what my broken brain tells me, and despite what Satan tries to tell me, I am loved, and I am a daughter of the Most High God!! I have so many friends and family members who love me and are proud of me! Even when I don't feel like they love me or are proud of me, they keep loving me anyway.

The fact that they keep loving me anyway is a blessing. Because it means that they believe in me. They believe that I can overcome and rise above my mental disorders–but even when I can't, they are still there for me. That means so much to me!! I am so thankful that I have people in my life that I can count on to love me, have faith in me, are proud of me, and know that I can do it–because sometimes, I don't love myself...don't have faith in myself...am not proud of myself...don't think I can do it...and sometimes I don't think anyone else loves me, has faith in me, or is proud of me, either.

But I do! And they do! I do love myself, and I do have people who love me. I am grateful for the blessings that I have received this year, and this past semester. I am grateful that I am surrounded by so much goodness! I am grateful for the growth that I have seen in myself this year. I am grateful for the progress that I have ultimately made this year.

I am grateful for my Father in Heaven, and for His faith in me. He has given me so many chances to start over again...and I am so thankful that He loves me that much.

I am grateful for my Savior, and for His sacrifice for me. He bled and died for me, and He is always with me...I know that He loves me, and I know that He wants me to be able to live with my Father in Heaven again, and I am so thankful that He loves me enough to help me to be able to do so.

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This year, for Christmas, the Church is doing #LightTheWorld again, but they are doing a weekly setup instead of the daily opportunities. The theme is Give as He Gave. On the Church's Light the World website, the top of the page says, "Jesus Christ, the Light of the World, spent much of His ministry caring for individuals, one by one. Join us this Christmas as we follow His example and find ways to share our time, love, and resources with those in need." I love this! I am so excited to be able to Light the World this year!!

The first week is Light the World. Jesus Christ taught, “Ye are the light of the world.” We can share that light to all of God’s children when we give as He gave to people near and far. How do you want to #LightTheWorld? You can do so many things! Here are a few examples:

1. Yesterday, I was coming home from spending some time with my grandparents, and there was a group of people who were hanging out around the front of my apartment complex. These two guys asked if they could help me carry some stuff...I literally had my purse and my leftover sandwich...but I said, "Sure." I was really confused, obviously, until one of the guys said that they were going around doing service for #LightTheWorld. I thought it was super sweet and was thankful that they wanted to help–even if I didn't really need it! 

2. This week, my stake is doing a blood drive, and I was able to sign up!!! Every time I've ever tried to sign up when my last stake was doing blood drives, I was unable to make it. I am so excited!! I know that giving blood is important! I am also excited because I received my new driver's license this weekend, and I am now a donor! 

3. The BYU Design Department is holding a clothing drive on campus for homeless youth in Salt Lake City, and I think I might be able to drop some stuff off at one of the donation boxes on campus this week.

I know that these are little things that might not really matter right now, but they mean so much to me. I have recently been watching a lot of medical dramas haha which–I know they're not entirely accurate haha, but it has really burned into me the importance of donors. Especially at this time of the year, when it's really cold, and snowy, and icy–people get hurt a lot. I want to be able to help, if I can, and being a donor is important to me because if I have what somebody needs, then I should share it! 

I am grateful for the opportunities I have to serve those around me, and to bless them. I know that it is important for everyone to feel loved and to have what they need to survive, and to have love and support from those around them. And it is important for everyone to have people that they can count on. I want to be someone that my friends and family can count on.

I am so grateful for this Christmas season, and for the chance I have to think about my Savior, and about His birth, and His life, and the reason that He did all that He did. He did it all for us. He did it all for you, and He did it all for me. I am so blessed that He loves me enough to have atoned for me, and died for me. 

I love Him so much! He is my best friend and I can always count on Him! He and Heavenly Father are always there, and always listening. When I am having a bad day, and all I want to do is cry, I know that I can turn to Them. I can always ask God all of my questions...I can always tell Him all of my fears...all of my hopes and dreams...and I can always tell Him how I feel, no matter what. Sometimes I am upset because I don't understand why my life is going the way that it is going. He understands that. Sometimes I am frustrated because I can't figure out what He wants me to do. He understands that. Sometimes I am mad because I want something in my life that I can't have right now. He understands that. He understands it all. And He is there for me every step of the way. And if we need to stop climbing the mountain to let me breathe a little...we do.

Xoxo

Mattie

The most important thing you can do as a human is to LOVE.

***I am apologizing in advance for the scatterbrained nature of this post, but this is just kind of how it happened in my head. I don't entirely know how to fix it but I hope the images help. :)

First and foremost, for those of you who only follow me on my blog, I made a big adult decision this week and I bought my first car!! I'm soo excited to finally have a car, and I'm so excited to be able to not rely on my parents for rides anymore!! It's a cute little Geo Prizm and I'm excited to be able to drive it (just as soon as I get it registered this week). I am finally feeling like I am sort of starting to get ahold of my life, and it's a great feeling. :)

Be yourself.

Okay, so now that that's out of the way, this has been a great week! I have learned a lot and I have come to some conclusions about myself and what I want, and need, and I am excited to move forward from here. One thing that I have learned this week is to just be yourself! I know that this is something that people say all the time, but it really is true! You will 1) be more happy because you don't have to pretend to be a different person, and 2) learn that people need you for who you ARE, not for who you think other people want you to be.

Integrity

Integrity: the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness.

Integrity is a lot of things, but I think the definition of integrity that I love the most is: integrity is being the same person no matter where you are, or who you are surrounded (or not surrounded) by. If there happens to be two random people who know you, and they get to talking about you, they will be talking about the exact same version of you because you are always yourself, and you are always the same person, no matter the setting. It's important to be honest with others, but it's also important to be honest with yourself. But how can you be honest with yourself if you're not always yourself? Be true to yourself, no matter where you are. 

Struggle

One thing that I was thinking about during Sunday School today as were were discussing the story of Job was that it's okay to struggle. Even Jesus struggled. No one in the whole history of Earth has escaped the trial of struggling with something. Everyone struggles, has struggled, or will struggle with something. We are not perfect, but even He who was the most perfect being on Earth struggled. We are in good company! He knows how we feel! And He will be there for us when we need Him.

You are special.

Sister Larsen read the story "You Are Special" by Max Lucado in Relief Society today. Let me tell you, friends, that this is my ABSOLUTE favorite children's book, but there are several others by Max Lucado that are close seconds and thirds. ANYWAY that is not the point of me mentioning that story. 

For those of you who have never heard this story before, this story is about a town of Wemmicks, who are little wooden people that were created by Eli, the woodworker (you can hear some British guy reading the story here). The Wemmicks all have boxes of little gray dots, and little gold stars, and they put them on other Wemmicks based on their looks, and what they do. There is a little Wemmick named Punchinello who only has gray dots, and he meets this Wemmick named Lucia, who has no stars or dots. He asks her why she has no dots or stars, and she says it is because every day she goes to see Eli, the maker. So Punchinello goes to see Eli one day. And there is where my favorite quotes of all time happen. 

"What they think doesn't matter, Punchinello. All that matters is what I think. And I think you are pretty special." 

Punchinello asks, "Why do I matter to you?" Eli replies, "Because you are mine. That's why you matter to me."

"The more you trust my love, the less you care about their stickers."

"You are special because I made you. And I don't make mistakes."

This story is an allegory–its deeper, hidden meaning is that this story represents our relationship with Heavenly Father. We are the Wemmicks, and He is Eli, the woodworker. He made us just the way we are, and He doesn't make mistakes. 

Value

Our value comes from God. We came to Earth with value. It just exists. We can't add to or detract from it. It is simply always there. Just like God's love for us. He loves us deeply, and forever. 

He will help you understand as you turn to Him.

People will always judge us, and give us "stickers" or "labels". But they only stick if we let them. If we turn to God, and trust in Him, and trust in His love, and trust in His ability to create things perfectly (not that we are perfect, He has just made us perfectly), the judgements and opinions of others won't matter quite so much. Eventually, hopefully, they won't matter at all. 

Life is certainly difficult, and we all have things to overcome, but I know that as we turn to God, and trust in Him, life will be easier to deal with. I'm not saying that things will become perfect overnight, or that you'll never have trials or challenges ever again, because that is definitely not true. But what I am saying is that having God on your side, and knowing that He is there to help you, and to lift you, will make things easier to bear. As you turn to Him, and trust in His love, you might not get the answers you want, but don't lose hope. God is there for you, forever and always, and He will not let you down. He is leading you, guiding you, and walking beside you. He's there to help you find your place in this world, and He is there to help you find your path. 

Nothing is more important than your relationship with your Heavenly Father and your Savior. Sadly, people will come and go in your lives–either physically, or socially. Sometimes you will grow apart. Whatever the circumstances are, there is always going to be change in the relationships in your life. However, your Father in Heaven, and your Savior, will always be there for you. Their love for you will never change, and They will always be there for you, even if you go away for awhile. So the most important relationship you can have is with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ because They will never leave you. The only way for you to not feel Their love is for you to fall away. But no matter what happens, They will always be there. And you can always come back to Them through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. 

I am in no way an expert in any of this. These are just my thoughts and feelings. I know life is different for everyone, and everyone has a different relationship with God because not everyone needs the same things from Him. However, I do know that He loves us with all of His heart, and with every fiber of His being. He loves us SO MUCH, I can't even describe to you nor fathom the deepness of His love. 

Love and respect

All we can do, as human beings, is love and respect each other. The most important thing that everyone on Earth needs is love. It really shouldn't be that hard, but sometimes it is. I know–though I love most everyone, sometimes I get frustrated with people. Shocker, I know, but it's true. Sometimes people's actions frustrate me. But I have come to realize that there is NOTHING I can do about it. I can't force people to talk to me when they don't want to, I can't force people to be kind to others, I can't force people to do anything. So I just try to do my best to be myself. I do my best to be kind, and I do my best to not let other people's actions get to me. And I do my best to be as Christlike as possible. Sometimes it's hard. Sometimes it hurts, especially when people judge without knowing anything about what they are judging. But I try to remind myself that I am doing the best that I can, and that is all that I can do. And I know that (or at least, I hope that) other people are doing the best that they can do, too.

Xoxo
Mattie

He will find a way to reach you.

What a week it's been!! I had the opportunity to be a troop friend this week!! So that was super exciting! Our troop was really fun and the boys were such a riot!! It was such a good experience!! For the first time in awhile I felt like I had a purpose. And at the end of the week, one of their leaders talked to Cora and I, thanking us for what we did for the boys. It was awesome! I'm so grateful for the opportunity.

This weekend was fun too because I got to go out of town with some friends to see The Incredibles 2! We went to Logan and it was so nice to be out of camp for several hours! It was nice to not be needed or asked, "Hey, Mattie, can I do [this thing in the kitchen]?" It was great. :)

The last couple weeks I've been focusing on trying to find myself, and trying to find my purpose. I've been thinking a lot about the upcoming school year, and my plans after graduation. It's been kind of stressful, I'm not gonna lie. But! I've realized something this week. I realized that whatever happens, happens. I realized that I'm just going to have to make decisions, and go with them. God will direct me when the decisions I've made aren't going to lead me where He wants me to go. 

I've also been feeling a little lonely the last couple of weeks. I don't know why, but I have. And I've realized that God knows me, and is watching out for me. I mean, I got to be a troop friend this week!! And I got to go to the Honor Trail with them this week, and that was a very special experience. I've been able to fill my time, and I've been able to feel at peace with being by myself (most of the time). I know that God loves me and is watching out for me. Each day, something happens that reminds me that He knows me, loves me, blesses me, and teaches me. 

I had the opportunity to see the sunrise from a canoe this week. It was absolutely BEAUTIFUL. I took a lot of pictures and I got some really amazing ones. But the thing that was the best about the experience was that sunrises are exactly like how Heavenly Father speaks to and teaches us. It can be very, very gradual, and you don't notice it all the time, until suddenly, you hear Him. Or feel Him. Or see His lesson. Or recognize His promises. Sometimes you won't always feel it, or recognize it. But He will find a way to reach you. He knows what touches you, and lifts you up, and He will find a way to make sure you that you know you are not alone, and that you know He hears you. 

I am so blessed! I'm blessed to be a daughter of God. I'm blessed to have a Savior who loves me so much. I'm blessed to have wonderful friends and family. I'm blessed to be able to learn and grow. I'm blessed to be able to serve. 

God has a lot in store for me, and though I don't know what's ahead of me, I'm looking forward to see where life takes me. 

I hope you have a wonderful week! I love you all and am so grateful for you!! 

Xoxo

Mattie

Rejoice in the times you've done right.

Happy December!! I am so excited for this holiday season!!

It's been quite a stressful week for me. But it's been a pretty good weekend, so that's been great. I am so thankful for friends who are always willing to listen and lend a helping hand. I'm thankful for my Savior, who's helped me know the things I can/cannot/should not do this past week. I learned a lot about what I want and need to do this week, and in the weeks to come. And I think I am ready. Last night, I couldn't figure out how to say what I was feeling. So instead, I took 10-20-ish minutes or so and just drew. I had 3 different ideas and only 2 of them I was able to finish, but I think they capture how I've been feeling lately. And now that I've 'vocalized' them, I feel a lot better. I guess I just needed to get those feelings out (which makes sense when I think about who I am as a person, but I digress). I am so grateful for the talents that I have ben given that help me express my feelings in a myriad of ways when the other ones don't work out. I'm grateful for my Savior, and for His life and example. I'm grateful for opportunities that I have to serve those around me, and for the love that I feel from my friend  on my darkest days. Sometimes I don't think I can make it though, but then I remember specific friends who have blessed my life in countless ways, and I feel their love and support, and I know that I can make it.

I wanted to share my favorite thoughts that were shared today:
-Everyone has something that is persistent and needs persistence to overcome, and sometimes we just want to give up. Whatever tunnel you're going through, however long it is...we can be tempted to throw in the towel...but the light of Christ is and will be with you.
-The Savior can deliver us from hard times. He is ALWAYS there. Even if we can't see Him.
-Put Jesus Christ first (and everything will fall into place).
-There is no place you cannot go that He has not been before. Is there a light at the end of the tunnel? Or is the light walking beside us?
-Rejoice in the times you've done right.
-You have the right to be made completely whole through the Atonement.

We talked about dating in Relief Society today, which isn't always my favorite topic. But today was good. The main thing that was talked about was to be yourself, be patient, be honest, etc...All things that I've heard all the time. But one thing that I wrote down was, "Be who you want to be married to." I loved that. I think it's not really cool if you expect certain things of the person you want to be married to and you're not that way. Like, I personally am looking for someone who is kind and loves to serve other people. Luckily I am already that way, but if I wasn't kind or loved serving other people, it wouldn't be right if I expected my future husband to be that way when I wasn't.

Never forget who you are. You are a wonderful individual who deserves peace and love. You are a wonderful daughter or son of God, who loves you and wants you to be happy.

I am so excited for the #LightTheWorld initiate that the Church has put out this year. I wanted to share today's video. I hope this link works! I am so excited for this year's 25 days of service. I hope you will check it out.

I am so excited for my ward's Christmas Musical Fireside next week!! It is going to be amazing! I can't wait!! I have put so much into this project this semester and honestly it has been such a blessing! It's been wonderful to have a positive activity to focus my energy on amidst all the struggles of this semester. It's been hard, and I've sometimes focused on the negative aspects of the semester, but I know that as I've rejoiced in the things that I have done right, and as I have given myself credit for the things that I have gotten done, and given myself some slack for different things that didn't go according to plan, life has had a more positive outlook. I can't always control things, and I need to recognize that. I have been working on it and it is getting better. :)

I hope you have a wonderful week! :)

Xoxo
Mattie

Take a leap of faith.

I had the opportunity to go to my friend's farewell today, and he did a great job!! He and his brothers also sang a beautiful a cappella arrangement of "I'll Go Where You Want Me To Go" and it gave me goosebumps!!

He gave his talk on the importance of the Holy Ghost, and the importance of living worthily to have the Spirit as a companion. He based his talk off of President Henry B. Eyring's talk entitled "The Holy Ghost Is Your Companion". He said that the Holy Ghost gives us the power to discern truth from falsehood, and that the truth that matters most is verified only by revelation from God. The Holy Ghost also gives us hope and comfort; we are able to know of things that we otherwise might not see or feel. We need the Holy Ghost so that he can give us guidance and direction.

I know that this is so true!! Sometimes I've felt like I should say something or send something to a friend and I didn't know why, but I would later find that what I said or sent them was something that they really needed at that time. So grateful for the Holy Ghost and so grateful for the opportunities that I have had to be the answer to someone's prayers. <3

The speaker after my friend was a man in his ward. He based his talk off of Elder James B. Martino's talk entitled "Turn to Him and Answers Will Come". He talked about Lehi's dream. He said something very intriguing. He said that our parents led us to the iron rod. And then he said that missionaries lead the lost and wandering to the rod. I thought that was very cool; I've never thought about that before, but that's what the missionaries are doing.

He said that to continue holding on to the rod, and staying on the right path, we need to:

• be converted to the Gospel (and to Jesus Christ. That's my two cents)
• continue in obedience. We need to follow the commandments. Remember when you've felt the Spirit. He said that a lack of spiritual habits seems to make you forget those times that you've felt the Spirit. He said don't give up. Never give up.
• Trials! I thought this one was interesting. Our trials are a great teacher. They give us experience and are for our good. It's never occurred to me that trials help us stay on the path–so long as you turn to Christ. If you let your trial take over your life, then it can lead you astray. So long as you turn to Christ, and Heavenly Father, your trial will help you grow.

His talk gave me a few insights into Lehi's dream, and staying on the path, that I'd never thought of before.

After my friend's farewell, I went back to my home ward. I pretty much missed Sunday School, but in Relief Society, Sister Nelson talked about adversity!!! I was like, "HEY! I had a trial this week!" It's still a trial, but man, was this lesson a blessing! 

We talked about how everyone has trials, and we always have trials. We are here on earth to have trials. Trials help us grow. When we remember that our Heavenly Father has helped us through our trials, that helps us be positive–we've been through them before, and He has always brought us through them, so He will bring us through this one. The Savior is also with us, and we are never alone. He is always there to help us. You just need to turn to Him and ask. 

We then talked about how the world is becoming more and more dangerous. But we don't have to fear because we have the Gospel, and we have the Savior. He will never leave us. He will come when the time is right. We need to remember that the Lord knows what He is doing. He will always be in front, beside, and behind us. "Doubt not, fear not."

Then we talked about things that can help us not fear the tribulations of the last days:

Faith and hope:

-They can dispel fear.

-Faith and fear cannot exist at the same time.

One of the ways to dispel fear is to stop fearing and just do it. Trust in the Lord. Take a leap of faith, and just step into the darkness. He will not let you fall.

In our trials, there is always a lesson to be learned; you just have to find it. The Lord is watching out for us. Our trials are for our good; they are to make us better. Some things we can only learn through our trials (as I posted yesterday). Our Heavenly Father is molding us for something more–He knows who we can become. 

And because today is Valentine's Day, I want to say something about that. :)

I am single this year (not that that's a significant change from any other year). And this is to all of my other single friends (and also to those who already are in a relationship). You have to love yourself first! You are the person who is going to be with you forever–even when no one is around. You're sort of stuck with yourself. So learn to love yourself. Figure yourself out first. That's what I'm doing right now. I am learning about myself. I've had to take some leaps of faith–I am still a shy person, so it's been difficult sometimes, discovering things about myself, but on the whole it's been fun. :) I'm grateful for my Savior, and my Heavenly Father, who love me unconditionally. I'm grateful for my friends and family–they love me, even on my bad days. They're always there for me, and I know that I can turn to them whenever I need them. This year has been great so far, but hopefully it will be even better than I imagine it will. :)

If you do your best, He will make up the rest.

I finished packing most of my clothes today!! A lady in my ward came over and helped me, and we fit a ton of stuff that I wouldn't have been able to fit into my suitcase had I done it by myself. I have a few pieces of clothing that I will be packing in a smaller suitcase, along with a lot of the stuff that I am currently using. 

I decided yesterday that the wait is mostly what's killing me about this big new step called College. 

Now that I'm pretty much done with most of my packing, I'm feeling very excited about moving. It's weird because school doesn't start until the 31st, but I move out next week, and it's especially weird because I keep thinking about it in two different mindsets: a) school doesn't start till the end of the month; and 2) I move out next week. It's all very confusifying. I don't even understand it myself.

Anyway...

Tonight I was reading in Jarom and it says in the first chapter and ninth verse that, "Inasmuch as ye will keep my commandments ye shall prosper in the land." This means that you will be blessed for keeping the commandments. I know that this is true. I've seen it in my own life, and I'm grateful that the Lord blesses me for trying to do my best. 

When I fail (because I do fail; often, actually), I get really sad and kind of mad at myself. Why? Because I know that I: 1) hurt someone in the process (either myself or someone else, and the Lord); and b) disappointed not only myself, but my Savior and my Heavenly Father. I'm trying really hard to do the best I can, but sometimes I fall short. It's comforting to know that if I do my best, He will make up the rest. I know He loves me. I know He died for me and for you. I know that He will help you with anything you need help with. I know that He is always there for you. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Tough times.

I've been having a hard time these past couple of weeks. I don't specifically know why. There's a couple of reasons that could be why:

Maybe it's because all of my friends are leaving on their missions.
Maybe it's because I'm worried about college.
Maybe it's because I have bronchitis and I hate coughing all the time (Seriously, I've been coughing since the beginning of July. That is 25 days too many).
Maybe it's because I feel like I'm having a hard time with my testimony.
Maybe it's because I feel like I'm doing everything all the time, and people expect a lot from me.
Or maybe it's because I'm feeling left out, and unloved, and forgotten. 

Whatever the reason is, I've been having a hard time, and I don't like it. I hate it, actually. It's not cool. I hate it!! I'm really worried, and I'm really sad. And no one will talk to me. It feels like that, anyway, and it's depressing. I feel alone and lost. I just don't understand what I'm going through right now, and it's tough. It's really hard. I don't know why I'm having such a hard time. I hate not knowing. I hate not understanding. I hate having a tough time. I hate it when I get frustrated. I hate it when I feel left out. I hate it when I feel unloved. I hate feeling forgotten, and I hate feeling abandoned.

Okay, now that I've said what I'm feeling, let me tell you what I'm feeling from God. I just prayed, and I told God what I'm feeling. I decided to search for my scriptural directory (It is seriously a life-saver. I'm going to post it here so you can have it) and look up a few scriptures.

This is the scriptural directory. It's so helpful, I promise.

First, I looked up Mark 8:35, which said, "For whosoever will save his life shall lose it; but whosoever shall lose his life for my sake and the gospel's, the same shall save it." This just means that when you are serving people–serving God–you're doing the right things.

Then I looked up John 14 (the whole chapter), which talks about how the only way back to Heavenly Father is through Jesus Christ. "I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me." If you come to know Christ, you will know our Heavenly Father. 

Finally, I looked up Matthew 11: 28-30, which says, "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest... For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." This scripture talks about how, by turning to Christ, our burden is lightened. He doesn't take it away, but He helps us lift it, and when we can lift it no longer, He will carry us. 

I am now going to address some of my fears/worries:

Maybe it's because all my friends are leaving on their missions.

My friends are leaving on their missions to serve The Lord! I am happy for them, but I am also worried for them. (I guess I'm also worried because since a lot of my guy friends are leaving on their missions, this means that I have to make new guy friends at school, and that's something I always fear and have trouble with.) However, I am excited to see how their missions go!!

Maybe it's because I'm worried about college.

College starts in little over a month, and I'm reaaaaalllllyy nervous. Again, excited to see how it goes, but really nervous because I don't know my room mate, and I'm a bit behind on packing. 

Maybe it's because I feel like I'm doing everything all the time, and people expect a lot from me.

I just feel like people are always asking me to do things. I feel like my siblings never do anything, and I do everything all the time, but the MINUTE I decide to take a break or do something else someone gets annoyed, angry, or frustrated with me because I'm "not helping" or I'm "being lazy". I just wanted a relaxing summer! I just wanted to hang out with my friends, and I just wanted to find a job. So far, I've hung out with my friends once or twice–maaaaaaaaybe three times–and I have yet to find a job. I'm glad that people can count on me, but sometimes I wish they wouldn't count on me so much.

Or maybe it's because I'm feeling left out, unloved, and forgotten.

I feel left out, I feel unloved, and I feel forgotten. I don't know why. I just...All my friends are doing something–they're either out of state, or they're actually going and doing things, and me? I'm babysitting allll suuummmmerrrrr (don't get me wrong. Sometimes it's been fun. But babysitting my siblings and cousins over and over and over and over again is getting annoying). The only things I've really done this summer are girls camp, youth conference, getting my wisdom teeth out, and touring BYU campus with my parents. And when I try and talk to my friends, sometimes they don't answer me. And I just feel forgotten sometimes. It's like I don't exist. I just...I'm worried that I won't ever find someone to love me. And I'm worried that, if I do, sometimes he won't see me, or hear me, and I'll lose him forever.

*sigh* Whew...I know that that is a lot of stuff to read, and it is a lot of stuff to feel, but this is just the bottom of the barrel, and I'm glad that I was able to get rid of some of it. I know that a lot of it was crap, and you don't really care about it, but I had to get it off of my chest. 

To conclude:

Life is tough. Actually, life is so, so, so tough, but God can make you stronger. God can help lift you up. Come to know Christ, because as you do so, you will come to know Heavenly Father. We all have troublesome times, we all have frustrations, and we all have worries. But if you turn to Christ, He will help you. He will help lift your burdens, and will carry you when you cannot walk any further. I know it. He will make you feel important, loved, and remembered. He will always be there. And if you feel alone, pray. If you feel unloved, read your scriptures. If you feel left out, do something about it. God loves you, and He is there for you always. <3

Graduation!!

Guys, it's official: I'm graduated from high school!!!!!!!! I graduated last night!!!! It was a very emotional time, and I'm going to be very emotional all summer long. I'm so grateful for everyone I met in high school; I learned something from everyone that I met. Though I don't know everyone in my graduating class, I know/know of quite a lot of them, and I love them all and wish them the best! It's been one heck of a ride, and I'm so glad that I was able to meet so many people who made an impact on me. I'm a better person for it. I'm excited to start this next chapter of my life, even if I'm a little scared to. I know God will help me and be there for me.

Life isn't always easy.

Well, this week was pretty eventful. Yesterday in PE, we had a couple of marine corps guys come and we did this really vigorous obstacle course; it was a competition, and my team lost, so we had to do it again. I hadn't even fully recovered from the first time around, and I had to do it again?! I was super frustrated, and I was having a hard time breathing. Part of the obstacle course was we had two little ammo boxes filled with sand, weighing thirty pounds each, and we had to carry them and run down the gym and back. I honestly could not breathe and I thought I was having a panic attack/hyperventilating. When I finally finished it the second time around, I was panting so hard, and taking deep breaths, and trying to calm my body down. I went to get a drink, and that sort of helped, but only while I was drinking. For the rest of the day, I had trouble breathing. All throughout flex and lunch I was coughing and coughing. It was so bad...I honestly thought I was going to get asthma. I know it's not something you 'get' but I really thought I was going to get it, my breathing was so bad.

Life isn't always easy. There are always going to be obstacles in our paths, and just when we've finished one, another one is right around the corner. There will always be times where we can't breathe, so to speak. But, unlike my experience, our Living Water, Jesus Christ, will always help us. Our Lifeguard walks on water. He controls the storms and the waters. He will help us breathe, and He will help us drink and eat. He is the Bread of Life, and He is the Living Water. This is why, when we take the sacrament, we use bread and water in remembrance of Him. Even though life is crazy, and we sometimes don't get breathers between obstacles on our path, we can always count on our Savior to be there to help us. He walks on water, and He sees the bigger picture. He can and will help us through our troubled times if we let Him.

He is There.

This is different from what I normally write, but I feel like it is something I should write.

So I know sometimes we all go through really bad experiences and we want them to go away, and sometimes people get so depressed and want to (or do) commit suicide, and that makes me sad, and so I decided to write a poem about it (and some music for the poem that I might post later). I've never been depressed, but I've been in a really deep and dark place, and I thought I couldn't get out, but I turned to my Savior and now I know that there is hope--I know sometimes it's hard to believe, but I know it--I didn't think so at first, but there is hope! And there isn't anything we can't do if we have Christ with us because with God, all things are possible.

He is There by Mattie Radke

Sadness swirls within me;

I cannot see the light ahead.

I stumble through the darkness, trying not to fall;

I fail, and fall miserably--deep, deep, and down. 

I try to get up, but I'm so lost--I can't tell up from down. 

I start to cry--am I alone? I feel like I am. 

Suddenly, I hear it. It's small, but it's there. 

A teeny, tiny voice, saying, "It's all right--I'm here."

I sob because I cannot find the source. 

I stand where I am and sob and sob. 

I begin to walk, because I can't sit still. 

I hear the voice again. It's gotten a little stronger. 

"It's all right," He says. "I'm here for you," He says. 

I don't believe Him. I can't seem to find or see Him. 

"I'm here," He insists gently. 

My sobs quiet down to gentle cries. 

I think I see a tiny light. 

Now it's a little bigger. 

"I said I was here, didn't I?" He says. 

I turn around. 

There He is. 

My Savior. 

He's holding out His hand for me to take. 

I begin to cry again and slowly walk towards Him. 

I take His hand, and together we walk towards the light. 

I did not know where I was; I still do not. 

But He knew. 

He was watching out for me the whole time. 

I know sometimes it's hard to believe, but it's true:

Jesus Christ loves and is watching out for YOU.

So, I want you to know that I am so, so thankful for Jesus Christ because He still loves me. I did something so, SO awful (for me) and He still loves me. I want you to know that when I say you can do it with Him, I mean it. With Him, we can! Please, please, don't try to do it by yourself, because--speaking from experience--it doesn't work. Please turn to Him--He is waiting for you, watching you, and looking out for you. He loves you very, very much, and I do, too, so please, please, please turn to Him. Also, the LDS church released a video about suicide prevention, and it is a good video. You can find the link here.

He is with me and He loves me no matter what.

So, I'm naturally a musical person. I love to sing and I love to play the violin. And I love musical movies. You know, like Tangled, Frozen, The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, etc. And I love to sing along with the movies and recite my favorite lines. Well, my brothers find it annoying that I do that. Well guess what brothers? I don't care—I'll do it anyway, whether or not they like it because it's not harming anyone. But when I say something—that either took me a little while to get or understand, or I didn't think and just said it—my brother always implies that I'm stupid. And I don't like that. I hate it, actually, because he does it to everyone and it's annoying and rude. I'm not stupid—neither are any of my other siblings—but he always implies that we are. And that's just so rude. We're a family and we are supposed to be kind to each other. Sometimes I have a hard time with remembering to be patient and kind, but I know when not to cross the line into "Uh-oh, this is the mean, rude, I'm-going-to-hurt-someone" territory. But my little brothers sometimes don't. And so I'm trying to help teach them to be kind. 

So, I'm also naturally an optimistic and happy person—this annoys some of my siblings; again, I don't care—and I am trying to be the peacemaker between my siblings. Sometimes it doesn't work. But I try it anyway. I am trying to teach Tyler (and sometimes Conner)—because they forget—that the little boys are only little and they do not understand that the little boys are still growing and learning!

This next school year is going to be my senior year of high school and I'm feeling a mix of emotions. I'm excited to be going to school and I'm excited to be finished. I'm also sad—I don't want summer to end and I don't want my last year to be over. I'm excited for the future, but also scared. I'm also scared for summer to end and for school to start. Really, my emotions can be boiled down to two: excited and scared. But guess what??

Did you guess? Okay, here's the real answer:

No matter what I'm going through in life—family matters, school matters, friendship matters—I can always count on my Savior and I can always turn to Him. I can always depend on His gospel to help me answer my questions and get through life. I am so grateful for His Atonement and I am so grateful that He listens to me and helps me when I need it. I have learned that He knows and loves me and He sends blessings my way when I need them, even if I don't know that I need them. He will always love me—no matter what—and He will always send me help. He is always right beside me and knows the path ahead of me even though I can't see it. He is always with me. And I am so grateful that He will never leave me alone because I don't know what I would do without His hand in my life. 

Fitting in. Or not.

I love this quote! It's comforting to me. I don't fit in sometimes because I wasn't meant to. The Lord has a plan for me and He's guiding me through it. I also know that I'm never alone, even if I am literally or figuratively. He is always there to comfort me.