The most important thing you can do as a human is to LOVE.

***I am apologizing in advance for the scatterbrained nature of this post, but this is just kind of how it happened in my head. I don't entirely know how to fix it but I hope the images help. :)

First and foremost, for those of you who only follow me on my blog, I made a big adult decision this week and I bought my first car!! I'm soo excited to finally have a car, and I'm so excited to be able to not rely on my parents for rides anymore!! It's a cute little Geo Prizm and I'm excited to be able to drive it (just as soon as I get it registered this week). I am finally feeling like I am sort of starting to get ahold of my life, and it's a great feeling. :)

Be yourself.

Okay, so now that that's out of the way, this has been a great week! I have learned a lot and I have come to some conclusions about myself and what I want, and need, and I am excited to move forward from here. One thing that I have learned this week is to just be yourself! I know that this is something that people say all the time, but it really is true! You will 1) be more happy because you don't have to pretend to be a different person, and 2) learn that people need you for who you ARE, not for who you think other people want you to be.

Integrity

Integrity: the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness.

Integrity is a lot of things, but I think the definition of integrity that I love the most is: integrity is being the same person no matter where you are, or who you are surrounded (or not surrounded) by. If there happens to be two random people who know you, and they get to talking about you, they will be talking about the exact same version of you because you are always yourself, and you are always the same person, no matter the setting. It's important to be honest with others, but it's also important to be honest with yourself. But how can you be honest with yourself if you're not always yourself? Be true to yourself, no matter where you are. 

Struggle

One thing that I was thinking about during Sunday School today as were were discussing the story of Job was that it's okay to struggle. Even Jesus struggled. No one in the whole history of Earth has escaped the trial of struggling with something. Everyone struggles, has struggled, or will struggle with something. We are not perfect, but even He who was the most perfect being on Earth struggled. We are in good company! He knows how we feel! And He will be there for us when we need Him.

You are special.

Sister Larsen read the story "You Are Special" by Max Lucado in Relief Society today. Let me tell you, friends, that this is my ABSOLUTE favorite children's book, but there are several others by Max Lucado that are close seconds and thirds. ANYWAY that is not the point of me mentioning that story. 

For those of you who have never heard this story before, this story is about a town of Wemmicks, who are little wooden people that were created by Eli, the woodworker (you can hear some British guy reading the story here). The Wemmicks all have boxes of little gray dots, and little gold stars, and they put them on other Wemmicks based on their looks, and what they do. There is a little Wemmick named Punchinello who only has gray dots, and he meets this Wemmick named Lucia, who has no stars or dots. He asks her why she has no dots or stars, and she says it is because every day she goes to see Eli, the maker. So Punchinello goes to see Eli one day. And there is where my favorite quotes of all time happen. 

"What they think doesn't matter, Punchinello. All that matters is what I think. And I think you are pretty special." 

Punchinello asks, "Why do I matter to you?" Eli replies, "Because you are mine. That's why you matter to me."

"The more you trust my love, the less you care about their stickers."

"You are special because I made you. And I don't make mistakes."

This story is an allegory–its deeper, hidden meaning is that this story represents our relationship with Heavenly Father. We are the Wemmicks, and He is Eli, the woodworker. He made us just the way we are, and He doesn't make mistakes. 

Value

Our value comes from God. We came to Earth with value. It just exists. We can't add to or detract from it. It is simply always there. Just like God's love for us. He loves us deeply, and forever. 

He will help you understand as you turn to Him.

People will always judge us, and give us "stickers" or "labels". But they only stick if we let them. If we turn to God, and trust in Him, and trust in His love, and trust in His ability to create things perfectly (not that we are perfect, He has just made us perfectly), the judgements and opinions of others won't matter quite so much. Eventually, hopefully, they won't matter at all. 

Life is certainly difficult, and we all have things to overcome, but I know that as we turn to God, and trust in Him, life will be easier to deal with. I'm not saying that things will become perfect overnight, or that you'll never have trials or challenges ever again, because that is definitely not true. But what I am saying is that having God on your side, and knowing that He is there to help you, and to lift you, will make things easier to bear. As you turn to Him, and trust in His love, you might not get the answers you want, but don't lose hope. God is there for you, forever and always, and He will not let you down. He is leading you, guiding you, and walking beside you. He's there to help you find your place in this world, and He is there to help you find your path. 

Nothing is more important than your relationship with your Heavenly Father and your Savior. Sadly, people will come and go in your lives–either physically, or socially. Sometimes you will grow apart. Whatever the circumstances are, there is always going to be change in the relationships in your life. However, your Father in Heaven, and your Savior, will always be there for you. Their love for you will never change, and They will always be there for you, even if you go away for awhile. So the most important relationship you can have is with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ because They will never leave you. The only way for you to not feel Their love is for you to fall away. But no matter what happens, They will always be there. And you can always come back to Them through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. 

I am in no way an expert in any of this. These are just my thoughts and feelings. I know life is different for everyone, and everyone has a different relationship with God because not everyone needs the same things from Him. However, I do know that He loves us with all of His heart, and with every fiber of His being. He loves us SO MUCH, I can't even describe to you nor fathom the deepness of His love. 

Love and respect

All we can do, as human beings, is love and respect each other. The most important thing that everyone on Earth needs is love. It really shouldn't be that hard, but sometimes it is. I know–though I love most everyone, sometimes I get frustrated with people. Shocker, I know, but it's true. Sometimes people's actions frustrate me. But I have come to realize that there is NOTHING I can do about it. I can't force people to talk to me when they don't want to, I can't force people to be kind to others, I can't force people to do anything. So I just try to do my best to be myself. I do my best to be kind, and I do my best to not let other people's actions get to me. And I do my best to be as Christlike as possible. Sometimes it's hard. Sometimes it hurts, especially when people judge without knowing anything about what they are judging. But I try to remind myself that I am doing the best that I can, and that is all that I can do. And I know that (or at least, I hope that) other people are doing the best that they can do, too.

Xoxo
Mattie

Keep yourself anchored to God.

This week was kinda crazy but only because it's almost the end of the season and I'm so, so, SO tired!!

I had some deep moments this week. I wrote some poems about my summer here, and about my depression, and I was able to get a blessing Friday because of a horrible pain on the back of my head. 

I learned a lot this week, actually. I learned that you give something to this world that no one else can. In the blessing, Brian said that I've given a lot to this camp because of who I am, and the things that I've done, and he said something about the love I've given. After the blessing he also said I've changed a lot this summer. I do know that I have changed in at least a few ways, and I am so, so, SO thankful for this summer!! I'm grateful for this experience and for the love I've been able to feel from my Heavenly Father this summer!! I'm grateful for the people He's put in my life this summer and for the impact they've had on me!!! I hope I've had just as much of an impact on them!! 💜💜💜

I know that I've become more comfortable with being by myself. I also know that I've been working more on my testimony, and I know that God is there. I know that I've been trying to be kinder, and even though I've messed up a lot, I think on the whole I've been better about that. I've been trying to be healthier. I've been trying to better accept and understand myself. I've been trying to grow. I've been trying to be a better person, and I hope that I am at least a better person than I was at the start of the summer. 

I had an amazing experience and couple weeks ago on the Wilderness Survival Overnighter and I wanted to share the thoughts I had before I went to sleep. 

July 26: There is nothing like a peaceful night in the woods in a hammock. A light, cool breeze, the moon shining bright above you, a trickling brook or stream, and crickets off in the distance. So beautiful. A reminder of the existence of God, the beauty of nature, and that all the things I'm stressing about don't really matter in the long run. Life finds a way to correct our mistakes and bring us right where we're supposed to be. I thank God that I'm learning more and more this summer about things I need to improve in and on. He knew I needed this summer...He knew I needed a lot of the staff I've met here. He knew that a lot of them needed me. I don't know why, because I really don't think I'm doing anything out of the ordinary, but apparently it's a thing. Anyway, God knows what we need. Even when we don't. And sometimes we think He isn't speaking to us, but think about this: what if His way of speaking to you is letting you try and focus, and grow, and make goals, and try to improve yourself, and be kind to others. And sometimes when you look back, you realize He was there. And you realize that He prompted you. Sometimes promptings aren't obvious–sometimes promptings are just quiet little thoughts you have about improving or serving.

I've really been trying to understand this summer. I've really been trying to hear Him. I've been thinking about my plans after I graduate and I really have wanted to hear what He has to say but I haven't heard anything specific yet. And that's okay. I'm going to try to do some research when I get back home and then I'll try again. I know He's listening...I just need to have faith, trust Him, and keep going. 

I've been reading in 1st Nephi (for what seems like forever. I keep forgetting where I am so I think I've been rereading the same spot sometimes 😂) and in chapter 8, which is when Lehi is describing his vision of the Tree of Life, verse 30, Nephi says, "But, to be short in writing {every time I read this, I think, "Too late!" because it reminds me of the movie Clue 😂}, behold, he saw other multitudes pressing forward; and they came and caught hold of the end of the rod of iron; and they did press their way forward, continually holding fast to the rod of iron, until they came forth and fell down and partook of the fruit of the tree." The iron rod is the word of God, and as long as we press forward, clinging to His word, we will be okay. I've noticed the last couple weeks that my days are better when I've been reading. I've been trying to read my scriptures in the morning before work, and if that doesn't go as planned, then I'll read before bed. And it has helped me immensely. I've been at peace more, my mornings have gone smoother, and I've been able to feel and see His love every day.

I've been amazed this summer at just how much my Heavenly Father knows me, and knows what I needed. I totally could have not taken this job this summer. But I'm glad I did. I've learned a lot, and grown a lot, and I've found new ways to deal with things differently than I ever have before. And I'm full of gratitude and love for my Savior and my Heavenly Father, and for this beautiful world that we live in. 

"For depression has no power over me. 

—It comes and goes, as feelings do

And some days it is so deep

But I have found it's better to 

Feel it, and let it seep

Out, than to bury it, and to 

Let it grow. No one wants to reap

The depression you have sewn."

~Excerpt from A Labyrinth of Feelings, by Mattie Radke

This summer has been good for me. I've learned how to better deal with my anxiety and depression, and I've learned I'm not alone. 

I can't believe this week is my last week!! It's gonna be a bittersweet week but I'm going to try to make the most of it!! 💜💜💜

God loves you, and I do too!! Thank you for being you!! Have a great week!! 

Xoxo

Mattie 

Be positive about who you are.

"I am a unique, amazing, superhero kind of person. There will never be another me. I am the one who will decide how I will feel about myself. I am my goodness, my character, my talents and my kindness. This is who I am. What other people think of me doesn't matter. If they say mean things about me, it doesn't change my value. I am still the same me. I can ignore mean comments because I am a good and important person, and nothing will ever charge that. I know who I am. My value comes from the fact that I am unique. I don't waste time comparing myself to other people. I am the perfect me and they are the perfect them. Our differences make us both amazing. My life is a classroom and I am here to learn and grow. Every experience I have teaches me something. I am right on track in my process of leaning. I am doing great. If I make a mistake, I apologize and work to do better in the future. I am still a good person. It was just a lesson. No one is better or worse than anyone else. We all have the same value. I choose to see every person as the same as me. I never gossip, criticize or judge other people. We are all doing the best we can with what we know. We are all learning and growing. I can forgive others. I am here to help other people. I am always looking for people who need help or friendship. I am a friend to all. I have the power to treat people with love and kindness, even when they don't deserve it. I do this because I am a kind person. I choose my attitude in each situation. I can choose to feel bad about myself and scared. Or I can choose to feel like a superhero--strong, safe and loving. I choose a positive attitude every time. I believe in myself. I have everything I need to succeed in life. I am the amazing me."

I was going back through my Facebook posts, and I found this one. This is from a piece of paper that I assume I got in Young Women's, but I don't remember. Anyway! I love this!!! It's very uplifting and inspirational. You are who you are meant to be, and you are so amazing! "There is no one alive who is you-er than you!" (Dr. Seuss). God loves you and He made you just how He wants you to be. Be positive and happy about who you are. Attitude is everything.  

You have a greater impact than you know.

I never realized what an impact I had/have on my friends/family/acquaintances. So, yesterday in seminary we had a seminary conference with everyone who had seminary that class period. At the end of the fabulous conference, they opened it up to us, the congregation. I listened to several of the testimonies, and my heart started pounding out of my chest; I was sure my friend beside me and in front of me could hear me. They couldn't, obviously, but I thought they could because it was so loud and I could feel it throughout my whole body. Anyway, I got up. And although I''m sure no one else noticed, I started and ended my talk with lines from songs. I started it with, "You are a light on hill. You cannot be hidden." That is from a song called "Light on a Hill." Anyway, after that, I don't remember exactly what I talked about, but I brushed up on my rough spot two years ago, and how I turned to my Savior and the Bishop, and they helped me get through it, and I knew that I wouldn't have been able to do it alone. I closed with the line, "With Him we can." I can't remember what song it is from, but I know it is by Mercy River, so if you want to find it, just look that line up with their name. Also, after the closing prayer, my friend thanked me for sharing my testimony. And later when I was waiting to get picked up, one of the seminary teachers said that I did a good job. And I never realized what an impact I had on those around me until then. I never consciously realized it, I mean. I guess underneath I knew, but I hadn't ever realized it. But yes. You have more of an impact than you know. Please be brave and smart. Someone may need something you say, but if you're not brave and you don't say it, they will never be able to get it from you or anyone else ever again.

So you think you're not that great. Well, I know you're wrong.

This picture speaks such truths. Too many people are down on themselves, focusing on the negative, instead of focusing on the positive. I, too, have been a victim of this, and this picture reminded me that I need to value myself more. There are so many people that do so many good things, but they're too focused on all of the negative things about them that they don't realize that they are a great person. I do this often. I get so focused on how annoying I think I am and sometimes I forget how wonderful I am. No, that's not being vain. Recognizing that you are wonderful and beautiful is not being vain. Flaunting that and caring only about that is. Dressing nice and caring about your image is not being vain. Only caring about your image, however, is. “You’d worry less about what people thought of you if you realized how little they did.” Some person said this; I don't know who. I got it off of another blog. Anyway. But it is true. People don't really care about you in the way that you think they do. They don't care about your clothes or your hair in the way that you think they do. Yes, they want you to look and smell nice, but they don't only care about that. They care about how you act and hold yourself. Anyway, I got off topic. You are a wonderful being. Don't ever forget that. God made you just the way you are, and just the way He wants you to be. Don't ever doubt your capabilities. Don't ever doubt how amazing you are. There are people's lives out there that you need to touch because only you can, but you can't do that if you're constantly doubting yourself or underestimating your wonderfulness. There are some things only you can do. God has prepared you for many things, and you need to believe in yourself. Be confident. Don't worry what others think of you so much. Be the amazing, wonderful, fantastic, brilliant, and fantabulous person you are. 

Like I said, do what you do best and love it. Don't only care about others' opinions of you. The only person's opinion you should care about (besides your own) is Heavenly Father's. He made you just the way He wants you. So, that's that. You're perfect in His eyes. "Be yourself; everyone else is taken." So, once you've boosted your own self-esteem, you can do God's work and help others boost their own self-esteem, thus creating a chain reaction of self-esteem boosting-ness. Don't forget: you are amazing and you can do and be whatever you want to be, whether it be a lawyer or a mathematician, or a scientist, or a musician. You can do it. Be yourself, and don't forget that you're not just great: you're amazing and wonderful and brilliant.