Your value does not change when you fail.

Today I was thinking a lot. Mainly because I really had a horrible, horrible headache and couldn't really focus on the lessons today (I did listen and learned a little but mainly I tried to stop the pummeling in my head). But also because I have had a lot to think about. Let's start with what I was thinking about in sacrament meeting:

Patiently waiting is hard. Especially when you're waiting for blessings, answers, peace, or your birthday, and they're just not getting here fast enough. Finding ways to keep yourself busy in the meantime is hard. Because all you want is to know what to do, or to just feel like the decision you already made was the right one. But it feels like you can't hear anything. So you think, "Maybe I'm not doing enough." So you try to read your scriptures more deeply, and pray more fervently, and be there for your friends, and...nothing. The only place you feel it, and hear it, is the temple. But you can't always be at the temple. So you don't know what to do except doing what you're doing and hope that you'll hear it soon. You have faith that He is there, even when you can't hear Him, because you have felt it before. You're not sure why it even stopped, but you just keep hoping. And it's not like you haven't felt it; you have. Just not when you have wanted and deeded it desperately. But you keep going, and lean on the testimonies of your friends and family until you're back on your feet and can hear it and feel it again.

~I think it's because I can hardly hear anything over my depression. And even though I want to be and try to be, I'm not really happy. Luckily I am not alone in this time of my life: I have family, friends, my therapist, and my Savior. I have a meeting with my therapist tomorrow and I am hoping to be able to find an answer, or be closer to finding an answer.  

One theme of today that I noticed was God's love. It was kind of just all encompassing today, and I'm not going to lie–I really needed it.

One of my favorite things that was said in sacrament meeting today was that we can't forget to have charity towards ourself. I'd never thought of that before–having charity towards yourself. But when you think about it, it makes sense. We're told to love our neighbors and ourselves, and we're told to have charity towards our neighbors. So if we're supposed to love our neighbors and also have charity towards them, and also love ourselves, it stands to reason that we should have charity towards ourselves, too.

Gospel doctrine was just what I needed today. We talked about successfully failing. And how we need to learn to be...maybe not happy about failing...but positive about it. Note that we tried! And learn from it. Recognize the progress you've made. And–most importantly, in my opinion–understand that YOUR VALUE DOES NOT CHANGE WHEN YOU FAIL. 

We don't really learn a lot from succeeding the first time. We really learn the most when we fail. We learn to take a step back and look at things from a new angle. No matter how many times we fail, we are still the same value as we were before.

Another thing that we talked bout that I absolutely LOVED was that it's not very Christlike to not forgive yourself. I've never thought about that before but it is so true! Christ forgives EVERYONE, every time. So, if we want to be more Christlike, we need to forgive ourselves, too.

And nothing is embarrassing to Him. We can tell Him anything, and ask for forgiveness for the littlest and most dumbest things in our mind, but it's important to Him because it's important to us.

Heavenly Father's view of us doesn't change, even if our view of ourself does. 

He will always love us, and we will always be important to him. And we will always be valued.

Respect, love, and kindness–be perfect in trying.

Tender mercies are amazing, beautiful little things that always seem to come when I'm feeling the most down. I'm thankful that my Heavenly Father knows my needs and fills them, and I'm grateful for the little reminders that I am not alone, forgotten, or unloved. I'm grateful for the opportunities I have to bless others with that same knowledge, and to fill them with feelings of happiness, peace, and love.

 Sacrament meeting was wonderful! I loved all the messages on gratitude that were given today. Two of my favorites were:
-Being grateful is a good way to be happy.
-Being grateful for the things Heavenly Father does for us can improve our relationship with Him.

One of the things I learned in temple prep today I already sort of knew, but the way that it was presented was amaaaazing and just really stood out to me!

Josh wrote on the board:
worthiness ≠ worth/value
worthiness = preparation

I loved that! It was so clear and easy to see what worthiness is and is not. Worthiness is your preparation. It's not your worth or your value. You are ALWAYS going to have worth and value. That is never going to change. Your worthiness, however, will depend on how prepared you.

Josh shared a quote by President Hinckley. He said, "We believe in chastity before marriage and total fidelity after marriage. That about sums it up. That is the way to happiness in living. That is the way to satisfaction. It brings peace to the heart and peace to the home."

We talked about how we all have things that hold us back, but because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, we can get through it. We can make it through. We also talked about how there are a lot of different Christian/nonChristian churches, with a lot of different beliefs, and you can pick and choose which one fits your standards. But Josh said, "This is the church that helps us fit God's standards" (emphasis added). I loved that! We are not meant to change the Lord's standards, but we are meant to try and live them.

We talked about how to help people who are struggling with maybe the Word of Wisdom, or the Law of Chastity, and we just said how important it is to listen, and to love them no matter what, and to be respectful and courteous when they're talking to you. It's sometimes hard to share the deepest parts of you with people, and if they make fun of you, or make light of the situation, it doesn't make you want to open up to anyone ever again.

Relief Society was beautiful! We started off with a Dove beauty campaign video that shows/talks about how we view ourselves versus how we view others, and how others view us. We talked about how, as we visit teach our sisters, we help them see their potential. We help them see themselves how we see them. :)

We talked about fellowshipping with those not of our faith today, and there were just a few messages that I loved that I wanted to share:
-Focus on the positives about people.
-Just be a good example.
-Kindness is key.

President Hinckley's fourth point was one of my favorites. He said, "When we treat others with love, respect, and kindness, we show that we are true disciples of Jesus Christ." I love that so much. There is really no other way to show that we are true disciples of Christ. Treating others with respect, kindness, and love, no matter what the circumstances, is the epitome of being a disciple of Christ.

Personally, I try every day to treat others with love, respect, and kindness. It's important to me that everyone feels loved and respected. Sometimes, I make a mistake, but I try again and again. I might not be perfect at treating others with love and kindness, but I am perfect in trying, and I think that that is all God asks of us.

I'm so grateful for the lessons today. I'm grateful for my Savior, and for His hand in my life. I'm grateful for my Heavenly Father and for His love and support. I'm so thankful that the Christmas Musical Fireside I am in charge of is going well already!! I can't wait for it!! I'm so excited and grateful to be in charge of it! It's going to be so amazing and I am just super ecstatic about it!

Hope you have a great week! It's almost Thanksgiving! Hold on for about 11 more days!

Xoxo
Mattie

God loves me anyway.

Had a wonderful time at church today! ❤️ I heard a lot of great messages–and got a lot of compliments on my dress today, so that was fun. :)

I had a lot of thoughts during the sacrament today, so bear with me as I talk about some stuff:

I've been working really hard on my scripture study and prayer these past two or three weeks, and it's been an amazing experience to see the difference in my life in the days where I did both, one or the other, or neither. I've made a lot of progress in some personal goals and I am so proud of myself! So grateful for my Savior, who has stood by me and lifted me when I was down. There is nothing more comforting than to know that He is there and He hears me. So grateful for the opportunity I had to watch the women's session of conference last night with some friends. I desperately needed that time, and the messages that were shared. I am grateful for moments of struggle–without them, I wouldn't know joy and peace; and without them (either the struggle or joy and peace), I couldn't find answers. I'm grateful to be able to feel God's love, and that He answers my prayers through people and experiences. I'm grateful that I am able to set aside my stresses and doubts to serve the people in my life. I'm excited for General Conference this upcoming weekend and can't wait! ❤️

Today was fast and testimony meeting, and there were a lot of things that were said that I loved, and I wanted to share a few of them with you:
-Heavenly Father has a better plan for us. We can be SO much more than we are.
-God produces good out of evilness. You have to have faith that He'll make it beautiful. He can make awful, awful evil things beautiful. 
-The one thing that never changes is that your Father in Heaven loves you very much.

One thing I got from the lesson in Relief Society today was based off of something that someone said. I wrote, "Remember that those [amazing and wonderful] things you see in others can also be seen in you.  ❤️"

I loved today! I loved the lessons, and I loved the bits and pieces of the Gospel that stood out to me today. I was fasting and praying for some specific things today, and I didn't get all the answers, but I did get the ones I needed the most. I am soo grateful for so many things today! For my ward. For my friends. For my family. For my Father in Heaven, and for my Savior. I wouldn't be where I am today without what I've been through, who I've met, and who I've been surrounded by. I've grown, I've changed, I'm growing, and I'm changing. I've made some mistakes and sinned, as we all have, but God loves me anyway. 

Take time this week to ponder what questions you most need answered in General Conference. I am going to, too. And then listen and watch. God will answer you. He will bless you. He will love you. As He does now. Have a great day! ❤️

Xoxo
Mattie

Things are going to get better.

This weekend was General Conference weekend!!!!

So happy to have been able to watch conference this weekend with my friends and roommates! It was a great weekend full of great messages! I am so grateful for our prophet, President Monson, and for his counselors, and for the quorum of the twelve apostles. I heard a lot of things this weekend that I needed to hear. There were a lot of repeats of "God loves you" and "He knows you" and I feel like those were specifically directed to me because I've been struggling a little bit with a couple of things and I just needed that reminder that He knows me and loves me and that I am not forgotten by Him. Other reminders that I needed were ones of "have faith" and remember to study and pray. I'm working on that one. :)

Also. Totally random. Just saw this on Facebook (and I shared it but I feel like this should be seen every week at least) and wanted to share. Sometimes we have rough times. Sometimes things don't go how we planned. Sometimes we think we want one thing and we end up wanting something else. Sometimes we feel alone and lost. But it's okay. We all feel like this sometimes. And guess what? That's okay. You're normal, and you're not alone. You're a wonderful person who is smart, strong, confident, loved, wanted, needed, and has so much going for them. Remember that things are going to get better, and that you can do it. You've gotten through all your hard days before. This one is no different. <3

Be positive about who you are.

"I am a unique, amazing, superhero kind of person. There will never be another me. I am the one who will decide how I will feel about myself. I am my goodness, my character, my talents and my kindness. This is who I am. What other people think of me doesn't matter. If they say mean things about me, it doesn't change my value. I am still the same me. I can ignore mean comments because I am a good and important person, and nothing will ever charge that. I know who I am. My value comes from the fact that I am unique. I don't waste time comparing myself to other people. I am the perfect me and they are the perfect them. Our differences make us both amazing. My life is a classroom and I am here to learn and grow. Every experience I have teaches me something. I am right on track in my process of leaning. I am doing great. If I make a mistake, I apologize and work to do better in the future. I am still a good person. It was just a lesson. No one is better or worse than anyone else. We all have the same value. I choose to see every person as the same as me. I never gossip, criticize or judge other people. We are all doing the best we can with what we know. We are all learning and growing. I can forgive others. I am here to help other people. I am always looking for people who need help or friendship. I am a friend to all. I have the power to treat people with love and kindness, even when they don't deserve it. I do this because I am a kind person. I choose my attitude in each situation. I can choose to feel bad about myself and scared. Or I can choose to feel like a superhero--strong, safe and loving. I choose a positive attitude every time. I believe in myself. I have everything I need to succeed in life. I am the amazing me."

I was going back through my Facebook posts, and I found this one. This is from a piece of paper that I assume I got in Young Women's, but I don't remember. Anyway! I love this!!! It's very uplifting and inspirational. You are who you are meant to be, and you are so amazing! "There is no one alive who is you-er than you!" (Dr. Seuss). God loves you and He made you just how He wants you to be. Be positive and happy about who you are. Attitude is everything.