His Love is More.

I'm so grateful for the opportunity I had to attend Relief Society today. I'm reminded of two weeks ago when I almost didn't go because I wasn't feeling the best after sacrament meeting, but when I saw it was Relief Society, the Spirit whispered, "Stay." So I did. And how grateful I am. We discussed President Nelson's talk from General Conference "Overcome the World and Find Rest", and what a blessing the discussion was. For some, the holiday season can be tiring and stressful. Our discussion was enlightening and I received several answers and personal revelation. I am so, so grateful for Relief Society, and for the wonderful bond of sisterhood that I have been able to experience in the wards that I have resided in.

Make the time.

Making the time for the things that are most important and balancing your time is really hard. Lately, that has been my biggest weakness and struggle. I always have something that I can be doing, something that I want to be doing, and something that I need to be doing. 

How can we best divide our time between all of the things that are important in our lives?

Jesus tells us, in Matthew 6 verse 33-34:

33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. 34 Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.

Put God first and focus on the day you are living. That's the key.

I know, I know–it's easier said than done. Sometimes, though, you just need to have a real talk with yourself and say, "Okay, we are going to be doing this. God is going to be put first today, and then we are going to focus on what we can do today." It will definitely be difficult as you begin, but the more you put it into practice, the easier it will get.

You have to ask yourself, "What is the most important thing I can do today?" And if the answer isn't "Talk to my Heavenly Father", you might be a little too busy. Don't worry–I've definitely been there.

Sometimes I need to make a list of all the things I need to get done in a day. That's okay, it's good to write it down. But sometimes I put things on my list that don't necessarily need to be done that day. I think sometimes I am trying to get a week's worth of things done in one day, and that is definitely not healthy. 

I am trying to take it back a notch and focus more on things that I need to get done that day. I am also trying to remember that if all I get done is one thing, that is okay! There are some days that I will get a lot done, and some days where I will only get one or two things done. That is completely fine. Each day requires a different amount of effort from me, as each day, I am a different person.

This reminds me of the story in Luke 10:38-42 about Mary and Martha. It reads:

38 ¶ Now it came to pass, as they went, that he entered into a certain village: and a certain woman named Martha received him into her house.
39 And she had a sister called Mary, which also sat at Jesus’ feet, and heard his word.
40 But Martha was cumbered about much serving, and came to him, and said, Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me.
41 And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things:
42 But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.

We have all been Mary, and we have all been Martha. Now, remember, Martha isn't doing anything bad! Cleaning and serving the Lord is good! However, Jesus is currently teaching, so the timing of Martha's service is not the best. So, again, back to making the time: Martha needed to make the time to listen to Jesus' teachings. She needed to make the time to sit down and focus on her spiritual needs.

In the end, it will not matter whether or not you cleaned your living room and kitchen. It won't matter if you made sure that any guests or neighbors were taken care of. What will matter is whether or not you learned from the Lord. Whether or not you grew closer to Him. Whether or not He can count on you to do as He commands.

Yes, He understands the need (and asks) for a house of order. Yes, He understands that He has asked you to "love thy neighbor as thyself". But He has also asked you to "love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, might, mind, and strength", and that is the first great commandment. He has asked you to put Him first.

If you are not connecting with God every day, how can He prompt you to serve your neighbor? How can He prompt you to serve your friend when they need a pick-me-up? How can He use you to help His children if you are not connecting with Him every day? 

Yes, it can be difficult to make the time. Yes, the Lord understands. But He also understands that if you do what He asks, life will be a little bit easier.

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A Day in the Life

Squinting eyes, checking clock

Rising fast, running amok

Brush, brush, brush

Hop, hop, hop

Making lunches, checking homework

Loading car, running berserk

Rush, rush, rush

Stop, stop, stop

Squinting eyes, checking clock

Rising fast, running amok

Rush, rush, rush

Stop, stop, stop

Parking tires, checking handiwork

Loading car, running berserk

Brush, brush, brush,

Hop, hop, hop

Squinting eyes, checking clock

Retiring at last, no more running amok. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Making Time

I start my day close to the Lord

A prayer, a scripture–15 minutes I can afford

I greet my husband with a 'good morning' kiss

My children are happily in bliss

Later that day, my daughter cried

Because her pet rock Tommy died

I tried not to laugh as we buried him

But she saw me and her face turned grim

Her response was to cut her brother's hair

I took a really long time sitting in my chair

When my husband got home, the house was a mess

Dinner was cold and my children in distress

'Daddy!' they cried, and ran for a hug

I drank my cold hot chocolate mug

This day was quite a disaster, I'm afraid

But because of this morning when I prayed

I had more patience and more love

I hope my children see why I speak with God above.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

I don't have children yet, but I hope this poem can show the peace that comes when we speak with the Lord and take time to hear Him. The day will still be long, and we will still feel frustrated at times, but there is just something about taking the time to speak with the Lord that calms the whole day. 

I know that Heavenly Father loves you and that He will help you as you strive to balance your life! I hope you have a great week! I have plenty of things on my to-do list this week, but I am going to focus on one at a time. 

Xoxo

Mattie

Faith in the Father.

For the sacrament hymn today, we sang As Now We Take the Sacrament, and the third verse really hit me.

"As now we praise thy name with song, The blessings of this day
Will linger in our thankful hearts, And silently we pray
For courage to accept thy will, To listen and obey.
We love thee, Lord; our hearts are full.
We'll walk thy chosen way."

I'm trying SO HARD to accept the path that He has in store for me but it's really hard. Sometimes it seems like I'm making progress, but then I have a really hard day and I don't know if I can do it anymore. I know that we all have our own paths but sometimes it's hard. Sometimes it's hard to accept the path that God has for me, especially when I'm not really sure exactly what that path is.

Yesterday I went to the temple and it was SO needed! I received much peace and love from my Heavenly Father. But it's still hard. I'm trying to live my life and it's okay most of the time. But there are moments when it's not okay. There are moments when I am not okay. AND THAT IS OKAY. I need to be PATIENT. It's HARD but I know that it will be worth it. I need to focus on the things that I am DOING and remember to trust Him. He trusts me to choose the direction I want to go, apparently, so I can do any of the things I've been pondering about lately. I just need to choose and have faith in Him.

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I had a moment the other day where I was writing some things down. One is not necessarily anything special–it's not a poem or anything but it means something to me.

I feel unrecognizable. I look in the mirror and I see myself...but I don't recognize myself. Some days I am happier than I can remember. But some days I am sadder than ever. 

I think I have been stretched beyond recognition these past few years and I hope that is a good thing. I hope I am a new person–a better person–than I was at the start of my last chapter. This new chapter is going to be difficult–lots of new experiences, friends, and trials–but I just need to take things one page...one sentence...one word...one letter at a time.

One is a poem and I thought that it was helpful for me to write–I got to see my relationship with myself and with God in words–so I wanted to share and give a challenge to you to write your own version. Pick a phrase that means a lot to you and find words that describe you to make your own little poem. :)

"Selected by Him" by Mattie Radke
I am Strong
I am Educated
I am Loving
I am Elect
I am Compassionate
I am Thoughtful
I am Elegant
I am Devoted 

I am Beautiful
I am extraordinarY

I am Helpful 

I am Intelligent 

I am Mattie

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I'm trying every day to be better, but sometimes it's difficult. Sometimes all I can do is go to work and come home and sleep because I'm exhausted from trying. Sometimes I feel like the last four years have STRETCHED ME OUT beyond recognition. I am soo not the same person I was four years ago.

Sometimes it's hard to apply the things that I know. I know that God has a plan for me...but sometimes it's hard to accept that His plan is different than mine. I know that God trusts me...but sometimes it's hard for me to trust His trust in me. But yesterday, when I was in the temple, I had a thought. All I can do is try. I am not perfect. I am human–I have too many emotions and I make mistakes all the time. But...I keep trying. And that is all that He asks me to do. 

I'm so excited for the month of July! My family is going on vacation this week and then I am going to New York next week!! I am hoping that getting out of my normal routine for a couple of weeks will be good for me! I am so pleased with how everything has been coming together and I am grateful for the chance to get away for a bit!

I am thankful for my Heavenly Father and for my Savior, Jesus Christ. I know that I am sometimes hard to work with, but I am grateful for their continued support and love. I hope that I will be able to make my Heavenly Parents and my Savior proud of me in the years to come. I am trying hard to be better than my emotions and my mental illnesses but sometimes it's hard. So I'm grateful to have my Savior to depend on and turn to, and I am grateful to have my Heavenly Father's love and support. I am grateful to have Him standing beside me. 

Xoxo

Mattie

beauty is.

what is beauty?

I've heard it said that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. while I believe this is true to an extent, I also believe that beauty can be found in everyone and everything.

"beauty is found in the quiet of a brisk winter night.
beauty is found in the flower-scented wind in spring.
beauty is found in the tenderness of children.
beauty is found in the wildness of children.
beauty is found in the love for a pet.
beauty is found in the love for art.
beauty is found in the way that someone tries to make a difference.
beauty is found in the way that someone decides to express emotion.
beauty is found in the way that someone's head tilts back when they laugh.
beauty is found in the way that someone looks at someone they love.
beauty is found in the way that someone finds their passion in life.
beauty is found in the way that someone finally understands who they are.
beauty is found in the way that we look at the world through God's eyes."
~"beauty is found" by Mattie Radke

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you know, no one is perfect. yep, even people you believe are perfect are, in fact, not so.

actually, there is one thing that people can be perfect at (however, just because they can be doesn't mean that they will be).

that thing that people can be perfect at? trying.

I don't know about you, but sometimes, I try so. hard. to be good at something, or to do something right, or to focus on something. sometimes it doesn't work at all. but if I really tried, I can't honestly be mad at myself, can I? I did my best. that's all that anyone can ask, right? right.

except, sometimes–I don't know about you, but sometimes I beat myself up about stupid stuff. does that happen to anyone else? yeah? okay, good. well, you're not alone, and I'm not alone, and we don't have to beat ourselves up about stupid stuff.

in fact, we shouldn't beat ourselves up about stupid stuff. we should learn from our mistakes and just try again. I know that's easier said than done, and sometimes life is hard. I'm not going to lie to you. sometimes it is really, really difficult. and oftentimes what is difficult for someone else isn't as difficult for me, or vice versa. but that doesn't mean that it's not difficult for you.

our world is so wrapped up in a lot of things...which, I am not going to discuss at the present time...however! one thing that troubles me is the fact that no one can feel like their experiences are hard. or, even worse–no one wants to feel like their experiences are difficult.

a common phrase I've not only heard people say to others (or even to themselves), but I myself have also said before (I am trying to work on not saying it), is, "other people have it worse." or other variations of that phrase. how sad is that????? that we can't even feel our own experiences because "someone else has it worse" than we do? that is something that I think is absolutely NOT okay!!!

YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO FEEL YOUR EMOTIONS. WITHOUT QUESTION.

there is absolutely NO EXCUSE for someone to tell you that "you should be thankful that you don't have it worse." NONE. YOUR EMOTIONS ARE REAL, AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY.

I'm sorry to shout, but I have strong feelings about this. no one is perfect, and we all make mistakes, but we also all have feelings, and each and every one of our feelings deserves to be heard, felt, expressed, and understood. just because you live a different life than someone else does not mean that your emotions don't matter. I will say that there are some times where the emotions are a little over-the-top, but even then, they deserve to at least be felt or expressed in some way.

one thing that I think is so amazing is that Jesus Christ knows exactly how we fell in all the situations that we find ourselves in.

He knows exactly how it felt to find out that your dad had cancer.
He knows exactly how it felt the first time someone broke your heart. and the second time, and the third time.
He knows exactly how it felt the first time you fell in love. or the first time you saw the stars from the countryside.
He knows exactly how it felt when you first touched a violin, and heard its sweet notes sing as you pulled the bow across the strings (actually, that experience wouldn't be that exact time...more like the first time you competently pulled the bow across the strings).
He knows exactly how you feel each time you see other people moving along in their lives in ways that you want to, but just haven't encountered yet.
He knows exactly how hard it is to watch your closest friend fall away from the church.
He knows exactly how hard it is to watch your loved ones in pain–even for a moment.
He knows exactly how it felt to realize that you were the last person to see someone before they died, and you didn't know it then.
He knows exactly how a new mom feels when she's tired, sore, exhausted, and her baby is struggling to sleep, or eat, or breathe.

He knows how all of these things feel, and more.

and each time you experience something, your feelings are valid. it is valid to feel vulnerable, lost, and sad. it is valid to feel excited, blessed, and loved. it is valid to feel sad, unmotivated, and distraught. I just want you to know that no matter what you are going through, it is okay to feel whatever you feel. sometimes you will be feeling sad or mad and that is okay. sometimes you will feel disappointed and upset and that is okay. as long as you don't let your feelings control you, it is okay to experience any type of emotion. no one should have to shut their feelings off because someone says they shouldn't feel bad, or be controlled by their feelings because they don't have any experience with them.

can I tell you something important? God loves you with every fiber of His being, and you are beautiful to Him. in all your imperfections, He loves you with a love that cannot end. in all of your emotions, He understands you in ways that no one else can. He wants you to remember that you are still learning. you are human, and you will make mistakes. but He still loves you. He wants you to keep trying, keep learning. He wants you to keep loving Him, and to keep serving Him, and to keep blessing those around you.

I hope you all had a wonderful thanksgiving. I hope that you guys have a wonderful week, and that you remember whose you are.

xoxo
Mattie 

Kindness begins with me.

I can't believe I'm starting school this week!! This is my last year of college!!! I'm so excited and so NERVOUS!! But I think it'll be a fantastic year!! :)

I thank God every day for the fact that I have made it as far as I have. In school, in life...I am so, so thankful for the happiness that I feel, and the love, and the peace. I have been a little stressed about this school year, but also I have just been able to accept it. I'm so thankful for the last couple of weeks I've had before school and after working at Bear Lake to rest and relax and get ready for the school year. It's been a blessing to have this time for myself with hardly any responsibilities (don't get me wrong–I had plenty of things to do).

I am grateful for the lessons that I have learned not only in all my time at college, but especially in the past year. I have learned and grown a LOT! And I can't wait to see where this next school year takes me!! I have high hopes that this year will be the best one by far!!

Today I subbed for Porter's class in Primary. I was super nervous, considering the fact that I don't think I've ever taught in Primary–actually, I don't think I've even ever taught a lesson period. Wait...maybe one time. But it was a long time ago and I was 12. It's been awhile.

Anyway.

The lesson that I taught today was on loving one another. In John 13: 34-35, it says, "A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another." We talked about how commandments are laws that Heavenly Father gives us to bless us and help us return to Him. I am so thankful for the example of our Savior, Jesus Christ, on how to love one another. We talked about when Jesus healed the 10 Lepers, when He fed the 5000, and when He stayed with the Nephites, and blessed and healed them. Jesus did all of these things because He loved the people. Just as Jesus did, we, too, can serve, bless, and love those around us. We need to bless and serve those around us and let them know we love them because everyone wants to be loved. Everyone wants to know that they are loved. We need to do the best we can to be like Jesus and obey Him and our Heavenly Father. We are here to learn and grow, and by obeying the commandments, we can learn and grow.

I've learned a lot this summer, and this past year, and one thing that stands out to me as I look back over the year is this: everyone deserves to be treated with respect and loved. Even if you don't agree, even if you have had issues in the past...everyone deserves to be treated with respect and loved. There are a lot of things that have happened this past year that have been hard for me to deal with. Sometimes they were my fault, and sometimes they weren't. Sometimes I dealt with them, and sometimes I didn't. But I have learned how to deal with things. I have learned how to choose to be happy, and I have learned how to accept and let go of people and experiences.

Life is hard. You can't make people do anything. You have to deal with their choices and they have to deal with yours. But you can always be the bigger person. You can always show them love and kindness, no matter what they do. Even if they don't show you the same courtesy. You will never regret being kind or loving.

I wrote a poem this summer that I wanted to share with you. :)

I Can Fly, by Mattie Radke

I can fly over the garden wall, past the sea, beyond the wind, and far away from the depths of depression in my mind. 

I can fly over the parts of me that yearn to change for you. 

I can fly past the parts of me that want to be exactly like you. 

I can fly beyond the visions of me, wishing I was as funny as you. 

I can fly far away from the depths of depression that lead me to believe I'm not as amazing as you. 

The lesson I've learned throughout my summer is be yourself–not because everyone else is taken, but because the world has need of you!

I wrote this poem when I was kind of feeling a little bit down. I was trying hard to try to fly, like I was talking about in the poem, but as I'm reading it now, I realize that when I wrote it, I was only hoping and wishing that I could fly. I wasn't really flying. But now, I think I have been able to fly. I've been working on my relationship with my Savior, and that has really helped. I'm not perfect at it [flying], and sometimes I still struggle, but not only since I wrote the poem have I changed, but the past couple weeks have been amazing, and I've realized that I don't need to change for anyone–I am who I am, and that's fantastic! I am amazing and funny and beautiful and I give a lot to this world. And if I have the right people in my life, they will (and do) love me for who I am.

You give so much to this world! You are special, and unique, and amazing, and wonderful, and beautiful, inside and out. And I love you. And God loves you. There is no one on Earth who can do what you do, or give to this world what you give. I am thankful for you!! I am thankful that you are here. I am thankful that you are you. I am so happy that you have a passion–whatever it is–and that you follow it. I hope you know how much you are loved and how much you are admired by those around you. And I hope that you will tell those around you how much you love and admire them. Everyone needs to be told that they are appreciated and loved.

I hope you all have a wonderful week!! Happy September!! :)

Xoxo
Mattie

Keep yourself anchored to God.

This week was kinda crazy but only because it's almost the end of the season and I'm so, so, SO tired!!

I had some deep moments this week. I wrote some poems about my summer here, and about my depression, and I was able to get a blessing Friday because of a horrible pain on the back of my head. 

I learned a lot this week, actually. I learned that you give something to this world that no one else can. In the blessing, Brian said that I've given a lot to this camp because of who I am, and the things that I've done, and he said something about the love I've given. After the blessing he also said I've changed a lot this summer. I do know that I have changed in at least a few ways, and I am so, so, SO thankful for this summer!! I'm grateful for this experience and for the love I've been able to feel from my Heavenly Father this summer!! I'm grateful for the people He's put in my life this summer and for the impact they've had on me!!! I hope I've had just as much of an impact on them!! 💜💜💜

I know that I've become more comfortable with being by myself. I also know that I've been working more on my testimony, and I know that God is there. I know that I've been trying to be kinder, and even though I've messed up a lot, I think on the whole I've been better about that. I've been trying to be healthier. I've been trying to better accept and understand myself. I've been trying to grow. I've been trying to be a better person, and I hope that I am at least a better person than I was at the start of the summer. 

I had an amazing experience and couple weeks ago on the Wilderness Survival Overnighter and I wanted to share the thoughts I had before I went to sleep. 

July 26: There is nothing like a peaceful night in the woods in a hammock. A light, cool breeze, the moon shining bright above you, a trickling brook or stream, and crickets off in the distance. So beautiful. A reminder of the existence of God, the beauty of nature, and that all the things I'm stressing about don't really matter in the long run. Life finds a way to correct our mistakes and bring us right where we're supposed to be. I thank God that I'm learning more and more this summer about things I need to improve in and on. He knew I needed this summer...He knew I needed a lot of the staff I've met here. He knew that a lot of them needed me. I don't know why, because I really don't think I'm doing anything out of the ordinary, but apparently it's a thing. Anyway, God knows what we need. Even when we don't. And sometimes we think He isn't speaking to us, but think about this: what if His way of speaking to you is letting you try and focus, and grow, and make goals, and try to improve yourself, and be kind to others. And sometimes when you look back, you realize He was there. And you realize that He prompted you. Sometimes promptings aren't obvious–sometimes promptings are just quiet little thoughts you have about improving or serving.

I've really been trying to understand this summer. I've really been trying to hear Him. I've been thinking about my plans after I graduate and I really have wanted to hear what He has to say but I haven't heard anything specific yet. And that's okay. I'm going to try to do some research when I get back home and then I'll try again. I know He's listening...I just need to have faith, trust Him, and keep going. 

I've been reading in 1st Nephi (for what seems like forever. I keep forgetting where I am so I think I've been rereading the same spot sometimes 😂) and in chapter 8, which is when Lehi is describing his vision of the Tree of Life, verse 30, Nephi says, "But, to be short in writing {every time I read this, I think, "Too late!" because it reminds me of the movie Clue 😂}, behold, he saw other multitudes pressing forward; and they came and caught hold of the end of the rod of iron; and they did press their way forward, continually holding fast to the rod of iron, until they came forth and fell down and partook of the fruit of the tree." The iron rod is the word of God, and as long as we press forward, clinging to His word, we will be okay. I've noticed the last couple weeks that my days are better when I've been reading. I've been trying to read my scriptures in the morning before work, and if that doesn't go as planned, then I'll read before bed. And it has helped me immensely. I've been at peace more, my mornings have gone smoother, and I've been able to feel and see His love every day.

I've been amazed this summer at just how much my Heavenly Father knows me, and knows what I needed. I totally could have not taken this job this summer. But I'm glad I did. I've learned a lot, and grown a lot, and I've found new ways to deal with things differently than I ever have before. And I'm full of gratitude and love for my Savior and my Heavenly Father, and for this beautiful world that we live in. 

"For depression has no power over me. 

—It comes and goes, as feelings do

And some days it is so deep

But I have found it's better to 

Feel it, and let it seep

Out, than to bury it, and to 

Let it grow. No one wants to reap

The depression you have sewn."

~Excerpt from A Labyrinth of Feelings, by Mattie Radke

This summer has been good for me. I've learned how to better deal with my anxiety and depression, and I've learned I'm not alone. 

I can't believe this week is my last week!! It's gonna be a bittersweet week but I'm going to try to make the most of it!! 💜💜💜

God loves you, and I do too!! Thank you for being you!! Have a great week!! 

Xoxo

Mattie