God never promised life without heartache.

Happy December! Wow! Can you believe it is the last month of the year 2019 already?? I swear the year just started! This year has had a whole lot of ups and downs, and I have been through so much already! Here's just a small sample:

• This year, I started my last semester of college! And then I also graduated college!
• I went through the temple for the first time and then upped my temple attendance throughout the rest of the year! I've learned so much from the temple and my testimony of the power of the temple and of my Heavenly Father and my Savior has grown so much over the course of this year! 💜
• I turned 22, bought my second car, entered two posters in BYU's Fulton Conference and had one of them win FIRST PLACE!
• I had to get an appendectomy! That was a rough couple of days. 
• My family and I went to Vernal, Utah for our family vacation! It was amAAAAzing!!
• In July, I went on a trip to New York with my friend! 
• I started my first full-time job post-college and have been living the dream ever since!
• I saw Wicked TWO TIMES this year–once was in New York and it was absolutely phenomenal because we had front row seats!!
• "Even when it has been dark for days, the Son always comes." (Me, 07.23.2019)
• With my family and extended family on my mom's side, we went to the Dinosaur Park in Ogden, Utah for our family reunion! It was a blast!
• In September, my coworkers picked me for teacher of the month! It was such a blessing!!
• I got into a relationship with my current boyfriend, who is the sweetest, kindest, most respectful and thoughtful guy ever! I am sure grateful for him in my life!
• I celebrated the one year anniversary of getting my first car (#KingRupertMayHeRestInPeace).
• I made a Facebook page for my blog! (Yes, this blog!)
• Went to Salt Lake City for the October conference Saturday morning session.
• Went to my first BYU Spectacular as an Alumni! Ben Rector and Hilary Weeks were AMAZING!!
• I got to meet KRISTIN CHENOWETH AT A BOOK SIGNING!!! This was definitely one of the highlights of my year!
• I got to go to the temple with my younger brother for our sister's wedding. It was a very special day. The First Three, all in the temple together for a sealing. 
• I got to see Frozen II twice in November! I have always loved Frozen and Frozen II is BETTER! I loved it so much and can't wait to buy it when it comes out on DVD/Blu-Ray!
• Thanksgiving was amazing! Yummy turkeys and pies!
• I have been working on trying to figure out/remember MY JOB. The one that God gave ME. No one else. Me. He has given me everything I need to do it. I just need to get up and do it (once, of course, I know what it is. I have some ideas but nothing certain yet. Gotta keep praying).
• I learned that LOVE is the answer to all things. Love was the common theme this year. And my self-love increased much this year.
• This year, my mental health journey has had some cRaAaAZzyy times! I have had some pretty amazing breakthroughs and beautiful thoughts, though, and I am very proud of the progress that I have made!
• I learned a lot about God's blessings for me, and about His plans, timing, and how everything has its time and season.
• Now it is December! Time for #LightTheWorld, the Christmas story, Christ's birth, finding Christmas presents for my loved ones (without breaking the bank/going overboard), and remembering the reason for the season.

There is so much to be thankful for! I have had such an amazing year! There have been so many ups!!! But there have also been many downs. Because one cannot know joy without knowing sorrow. One cannot know up without knowing down. And God never promised us a life without heartache. There has been (and will always be) some heartache in my life this year. And that will never change. There will always be heartache. But that's okay. I just need to remember to pray for peace and love, and to hope for a better tomorrow. And to keep my chin up, because there are far more happy days than sad days. I just need to remember to focus on the happy days and not let the sad days ruin the rest of the days. 

I cannot wait to see where the rest of this year takes me, and to see what's in store for me in 2020! I have a feeling next year is going to be my best year yet! 

Xoxo

Mattie

Kindness begins with me.

I can't believe I'm starting school this week!! This is my last year of college!!! I'm so excited and so NERVOUS!! But I think it'll be a fantastic year!! :)

I thank God every day for the fact that I have made it as far as I have. In school, in life...I am so, so thankful for the happiness that I feel, and the love, and the peace. I have been a little stressed about this school year, but also I have just been able to accept it. I'm so thankful for the last couple of weeks I've had before school and after working at Bear Lake to rest and relax and get ready for the school year. It's been a blessing to have this time for myself with hardly any responsibilities (don't get me wrong–I had plenty of things to do).

I am grateful for the lessons that I have learned not only in all my time at college, but especially in the past year. I have learned and grown a LOT! And I can't wait to see where this next school year takes me!! I have high hopes that this year will be the best one by far!!

Today I subbed for Porter's class in Primary. I was super nervous, considering the fact that I don't think I've ever taught in Primary–actually, I don't think I've even ever taught a lesson period. Wait...maybe one time. But it was a long time ago and I was 12. It's been awhile.

Anyway.

The lesson that I taught today was on loving one another. In John 13: 34-35, it says, "A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another." We talked about how commandments are laws that Heavenly Father gives us to bless us and help us return to Him. I am so thankful for the example of our Savior, Jesus Christ, on how to love one another. We talked about when Jesus healed the 10 Lepers, when He fed the 5000, and when He stayed with the Nephites, and blessed and healed them. Jesus did all of these things because He loved the people. Just as Jesus did, we, too, can serve, bless, and love those around us. We need to bless and serve those around us and let them know we love them because everyone wants to be loved. Everyone wants to know that they are loved. We need to do the best we can to be like Jesus and obey Him and our Heavenly Father. We are here to learn and grow, and by obeying the commandments, we can learn and grow.

I've learned a lot this summer, and this past year, and one thing that stands out to me as I look back over the year is this: everyone deserves to be treated with respect and loved. Even if you don't agree, even if you have had issues in the past...everyone deserves to be treated with respect and loved. There are a lot of things that have happened this past year that have been hard for me to deal with. Sometimes they were my fault, and sometimes they weren't. Sometimes I dealt with them, and sometimes I didn't. But I have learned how to deal with things. I have learned how to choose to be happy, and I have learned how to accept and let go of people and experiences.

Life is hard. You can't make people do anything. You have to deal with their choices and they have to deal with yours. But you can always be the bigger person. You can always show them love and kindness, no matter what they do. Even if they don't show you the same courtesy. You will never regret being kind or loving.

I wrote a poem this summer that I wanted to share with you. :)

I Can Fly, by Mattie Radke

I can fly over the garden wall, past the sea, beyond the wind, and far away from the depths of depression in my mind. 

I can fly over the parts of me that yearn to change for you. 

I can fly past the parts of me that want to be exactly like you. 

I can fly beyond the visions of me, wishing I was as funny as you. 

I can fly far away from the depths of depression that lead me to believe I'm not as amazing as you. 

The lesson I've learned throughout my summer is be yourself–not because everyone else is taken, but because the world has need of you!

I wrote this poem when I was kind of feeling a little bit down. I was trying hard to try to fly, like I was talking about in the poem, but as I'm reading it now, I realize that when I wrote it, I was only hoping and wishing that I could fly. I wasn't really flying. But now, I think I have been able to fly. I've been working on my relationship with my Savior, and that has really helped. I'm not perfect at it [flying], and sometimes I still struggle, but not only since I wrote the poem have I changed, but the past couple weeks have been amazing, and I've realized that I don't need to change for anyone–I am who I am, and that's fantastic! I am amazing and funny and beautiful and I give a lot to this world. And if I have the right people in my life, they will (and do) love me for who I am.

You give so much to this world! You are special, and unique, and amazing, and wonderful, and beautiful, inside and out. And I love you. And God loves you. There is no one on Earth who can do what you do, or give to this world what you give. I am thankful for you!! I am thankful that you are here. I am thankful that you are you. I am so happy that you have a passion–whatever it is–and that you follow it. I hope you know how much you are loved and how much you are admired by those around you. And I hope that you will tell those around you how much you love and admire them. Everyone needs to be told that they are appreciated and loved.

I hope you all have a wonderful week!! Happy September!! :)

Xoxo
Mattie