I am learning.

First things first: I had the opportunity to go to the BYU Spectacular with some friends last night and it was AMAZING!!! Kristin Chenoweth is fantastic, and Gentri and Vocal Point were awesome! So thankful that I had the opportunity to see it with them, and I'm glad they had fun!!

Second: I missed posting last week because it was General Conference and I had a lot of stuff going on. But! I have a lot of things that I learned in this past week, and am still learning, that I wanted to share:

I am learning that I can do hard things.

I am learning that I am more capable than I realize.

I am learning that I am not alone.

I am learning that I am strong.

I am learning that I can be happy, even when I'm going through tough things.

I am learning that God loves me so much, He's saving me from a lot of pain.

I am learning that I am loved.

I am learning that patience is a virtue.

I am learning that emotions are sometimes REALLY HARD to deal with!

I am learning that I have the roommates that I need in my life right now.

I am learning that I can't always fix things.

I am learning that stress doesn't fix anything.

I am learning that you can't always see the other side.

I am learning that you can't let the past define you.

I am learning that you can't let the past get ahead of you and keep you from your future.

I am learning that God's plan for me isn't the same as mine, and that our timelines probably aren't even close to being similar, but I'm also learning that that's okay.

I am learning that peace comes from the Book of Mormon, especially when I'm stressed.

I am learning that life is hard, but I am so tough, and I have God on my side.

Some of these things I've already previously learned, but had forgotten. Some of them are new.  Either way, they're all still worth knowing and learning. It's been a crazy week, and I've had a lot going on, and I've been through a lot. I've had a lot of talks with my roommates, and I've learned way too many things about myself in one week than is probably healthy haha but it has been helpful. My roommate gave me a few goals to work on in the next couple of weeks, and I think that they will help me in one aspect specifically, but I've learned that generally they all blend together, so it will probably help me in more than one.

I am grateful for my roommates. They show so much strength in times of hardship and sorrow. I'm so grateful that they are all kind, loving, and have such wonderful testimonies. I am learning lots from them every single day, and I am so grateful for that.

Xoxo
Mattie

Something special.

I was thinking to myself this morning about some things, and I couldn't let it go. So I thought I'd write a little poem about it, and I did, and I think it says what I want it to.

Sometimes it's hard being me. 

I overthink all the things about my appearance.
I'm pretty sure 99% of the things that I worry about are only noticed by me.

Sometimes I think my friends are exaggerating when they tell me I'm beautiful.
But I know that can't be true because it's impossible for 100% of my friends to all be exaggerating my beauty. Someone's bound to tell the truth. 

So the only other plausible option is that I'm beautiful. 

Not just on the outside–on the inside too. 

Again, I overthink all the things and criticize all the parts of my personality.

But I'm reminded by my friends that they love me. 

And that I am beautiful. And capable. And strong.

And I remember that I'm a daughter of God. And He loves me. And He wants me to be who I am because that's who He made. He made me. And He loves me exactly the way I am. He made me something special because He knows I can be something special.

So who am I to question God? If He thinks I'm something special, I must indeed be something special.

~~"Something Special", a poem by Me