I have had a really rough past couple of days/weeks/months, and today was especially hard. I got up, still feeling kind of sick. I had had a little "me" time last night; I went to a concert and I really enjoyed myself; I got to let go of everything and just listen and watch and enjoy. Anyway, this morning I was feeling kind of ill still and I went to ask my mom about something; I think I asked if daddy could give me a blessing. It was, you know, five o'clock in the morning, so she just told me to take some Tylenol and put the heating pad on my stomach and wait for a while. So, I took the Tylenol and went to lay down. For the next hour or so, I lay in my bed, pain running through my abdomen. I tried everything: I tried putting the heating pad in different places on my tummy; I tried holding it differently; I tried holding it against my tummy as I lay on my tummy; I tried holding it on my tummy as I lay on my back. The pain was just so, so bad I curled up in a ball and held the heating pad against my stomach and cried. I cried to my Heavenly Father; I cried for my daddy; I cried for my mom. I just wanted relief. I finally just told myself to get up; I counted to three and got up. I thought it would make me feel better if I got moving; I had, after all, been sitting--nay, laying--on my bed curled up in pain for almost two hours. So, I decided that I was going to wear a dress today because I was taking the ACT and I really don't know why but for some reason dressing up helps me think better or relax or something. Anyway, I head into the bathroom and I get dizzy and woozy and I head over to the toilet, hoping and praying that I wouldn't throw up. I did; I started sobbing, heaving, heavy sobs. More heavy than when I had been in bed. My brother went and got my dad, who went and got my mom because he was taking my brother to school. I stood up, brushed my teeth, and I felt better; I honestly felt better and I thought that I could go about my day. I still felt sick but I felt loads better. I got dressed and went into the kitchen; I didn't really want to eat anything; my mom told me I could have some sprite or some yogurt. I had some sprite but I didn't really eat any of the yogurt because I just didn't feel too good. I went to brush my teeth again and I started to brush my tongue for whatever reason. Big mistake. I started to throw up, in the sink. I quickly walked over to the toilet, but I started crying again because once you can kind of overlook, but twice? Nuh-uh, that's a sure sign of "stay home". My mom called the school and was told that me not going wouldn't harm anything; it was just a missed opportunity to take the ACT. My mom left it up to me. I was really, really sick (I had just thrown up twice, for Pete's sake) and tired, and I just wanted to sleep, but I decided to take the test. My dad gave me a blessing before he took me to school, and I prayed and prayed in my heart as we drove to school and all throughout the test. There was a couple of times where I thought "Oh, no, this is it" and I was sure I was going to throw up, but I took deep breaths, in and out, and I got through it. I drank lots of water and I finished (mostly) that stupid, stupid timed test without throwing up. I owe it all to my Heavenly Father. Without Him, I probably would have thrown up that first time. I prayed; I prayed really, really hard that I wouldn't throw up. I took deep breaths and I PRAYED, and it was answered. I am still feeling sick, but I am going to see the doctor on Monday and maybe we will be able to find out what is wrong with me. This pain is unlike any pain I have ever felt before, but I don't have to go through it alone. My Savior suffered for this pain of mine, and He has felt it, too. I can turn to Him for comfort and relief, and that is exactly what I have been doing today (when I wasn't sleeping). I don't know how I have held it all together. Actually, I do; I haven't. It's as simple as that. I haven't held it all together. I have had to turn to, rely on, and trust in my Savior and my Heavenly Father too many times to count in the past couple of months. My testimony of this gospel, of my Savior, and of the power of the Atonement has grown tenfold. There is absolutely NO way at ALL that I would have EVER been able to get through everything that I have gotten through without the help of my Savior. I love Him with all of my heart and I am so thankful that my daddy holds the priesthood worthily and is able to give me blessings when I want or need them. So, again, in answer to my question "How have I held it all together", the truth is, I haven't. My Savior has been there EVERY step of the way, and He has lifted me when I could not carry on. He is my rock, and my foundation, and I love Him. He has been my glue; He is piecing me back together from what I was to what I need to become. I trust Him with all of my heart. I am so glad He knows what He is doing.
