Gratitude changes everything.

I am so full of gratitude this week!

I am thankful for my Savior, Jesus Christ, and for His sacrifice for me, which makes it so that I can be with my family forever, and with Ricky forever. It makes it so that I get to try again and again to be like Him in order for me to live with my Heavenly Father again.

I am so grateful for Ricky. He is so thoughtful and sweet. I am so excited to be marrying him! He is a blessing gin my life and he is my best friend. There is so much that we still have to do to plan our wedding our future together, but he is oh-so-willing to help me (in most things 🤣).

I am grateful for the angels in my life–on this earth, and on the other side. I am grateful for the love, peace, and guidance that they–and the Holy Ghost–give to me. I am so blessed to have angels on both sides of the veil in my life to bless, love, and support me.

I am grateful for the Book of Mormon. I am grateful for its testimony of Jesus Christ, and for the truths in its pages, and for the lessons that these truths teach me. I am grateful for the peace that it brings into my life, and for the answers that come as I search its pages.

I am grateful for my Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother. I am grateful for Her divinity and strength. I am grateful for His mercy and grace. I am grateful for Their love and guidance. I am grateful for the blessings they give to me, and for the big part that They play in my life. I am so thankful that Heavenly Father is always willing to bless me and lift me up.

I am grateful for friends and family who are always willing to help me, especially with wedding plans as my wedding is coming up. Everyone has been offering help and advice, and I so appreciate it.

When we are grateful, and notice our blessings, we're happier. I've seen this in my life. As we recognize the Lord's hand in our lives, we are able to notice more and more all of the good things in our lives. The more grateful we are, the more dopamine that our brain makes, which means that we are happier! It's science! I learned that in college! But I've also experienced it in my life. I am grateful for the love and peace that being grateful has brought to me. What are you grateful for?

I hope that everyone has a great week! God loves you! I love you! Thanks for all of the love and support!!

Xoxo
Mattie

Sometimes our physical adventures can lead to spiritual adventures.

I am so blessed and grateful for modern-day medicine! Here's an update on what could be considered one of the craziest weeks–if not THE craziest week of my entire 22-year existence.

The moments that change our lives are random and unforeseen. However, it is up to us on how they change us. An experience like the one I am currently going through–having appendicitis and being confined to my house–could break me. If I let it. But it can also make me stronger. Which is what I am trying to get it to do. I am trying to learn and grow from it. And I am trying not to let it break me.

Tuesday night (May 21st, 2019) I went to bed around 11:30/11:45pm after doing my homework because my stomach had started bothering me, and I thought that a night of sleep would help me recuperate. I woke up at 2:10am with the pain about the same or worse. I woke up my parents, and after about 45 minutes of the pain being the same or worse, my dad took me to the emergency room at the hospital around 3:15am. They drew my blood for some tests, and took a CT scan, and when the doctor came in around 5:30am, he said it was a good thing I listened to my body because I had early appendicitis. They gave me some morphine to help with the pain, and eventually they gave me a little bit of oxygen because the morphine caused my body to slow down so much, the machine kept thinking that I had stopped breathing. 🤣

May 22nd, 2019 - Me with my best friend oxygen

They moved me to a pre-op room upstairs, where I waited for surgery. Surgery kept getting pushed back because they already had a bunch of scheduled surgeries and I was just going to be fit into whatever time they could fit me in (during this time, I met a super cute nurse who had recently gotten back from his mission early and he was hoping to be able to go back soon but wasn't sure if he would. I think I told him it will all work out, but I was so sleepy and drugged up that I can't remember 🤣). By the time I got taken up for surgery, it was probably 10:30/10:45am and I had been at the hospital for about 7 hours. I don't remember anything after they helped me get up on the operating table. When I woke up in post-op, I had a really hard time keeping my eyes opened. They wouldn't let me leave until I could keep down some water and I could walk around a bit. I finally got home around 2pm and just crashed. My doctor said that I couldn't go to work for about five days, so I made sure that I got my shifts covered for Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, and I let my professors know I wouldn't be in class Wednesday-Friday. 

Everyone has been SO kind, thoughtful, caring, and loving as I have been recovering! I really appreciate all the love and well-wishes! I am very grateful for the love of my Father in Heaven. He has sent me quite a few angels at this time in my life–and I am so grateful for their love and well-wishes. I appreciate those who have been praying for me, and for those who have sent me sweet messages and even get-well baskets. I am so thankful that I only had to miss three days of school and work, since Monday is Memorial Day and everything is closed/canceled that day anyway. I am so thankful for all of the time that I have had to rest and heal my body. I am feeling a lot better today than I have been the past few days, and even though I am going back to work and school on Tuesday, I am not going to be 100% yet for probably quite a few more days at the very least. 

I am grateful for the reminder that I am not alone, and that my Savior is with me, and understands me. He understands the pain I have been going through, and the suffering. Jesus suffered SO MUCH. He bled from every pore. He was whipped, hit upon, spit upon, and had a crown of thorns placed upon His head. He carried His cross up the hill to Calvary upon His back that had open wounds from being whipped and beaten. He had nails pounded into His wrists, His palms, and His feet. He died of a broken heart. He suffered for all the pains, sorrows, sins, afflictions, and temptations of the world. He suffered for you. He suffered for me. I am so thankful that I have had my Savior to turn to and to depend on in my times of need. 

In the April 2016 General Conference, then-President Uchtdorf said, "If a man can take the ruins, rubble, and remains of a broken city and rebuild an awe-inspiring structure that rises toward the heavens, how much more capable is our Almighty Father to restore His children who have fallen, struggled, or become lost? It matters not now how completely ruined our lives may seem. It matters not how scarlet our sins, how deep our bitterness, how lonely, abandoned, or broken our hearts may be. Even those who are without hope, who live in despair, who have betrayed trusted, surrendered their integrity, or turned away from God can be rebuilt...there is no life so shattered that it cannot be restored." 

I love this quote. It reminds me of 9 years ago, this December, when the Provo Tabernacle caught on fire, and ten months later in General Conference President Monson said that we would use the Tabernacle to make another holy temple for the Lord. That is what the Lord does with us. He takes us in our brokenness and helps us to lay a new foundation–one that can help us become more of a holy temple for the Lord.

In Luke 15, Jesus gives the parable of the lost sheep, the piece of silver, and the prodigal son. Now, if you know these stories, you might be questioning how they apply to my experience this week. I'll explain. 

Luke 15:4-5 says, "4 What man of you, having an hundred sheep, if he lose one of them, doth not leave the ninety and nine in the wilderness, and go after that which is lost, until he find it? 5 And when he hath found it, he layeth it on his shoulders, rejoicing." 

In this parable, we are the sheep. Jesus is our Shepherd, and when we lose our way, we become the lost sheep. Now, this week, I didn't necessarily become 'lost' in the typical way we think of. I didn't stray off the path. I didn't fall away. But I did 'lose myself'. I had appendicitis. I had to go to the hospital. I had to take medicine that didn't always help me think clearly. I've been sleeping off and on for five days. I've had previous engagements that I had to cancel because I've been sick and recuperating. I kind of 'fell away' from the world for a bit. I've been homebound. I've felt alone, and lost. But my Savior has known where I have been the whole time. He has sent me angels, friends, ministers, and my family to 'find me'. To pick me up. To lead me home.

Luke 15:8-9 says, "8 Either what woman having ten pieces of silver, if she lose one piece, doth not light a candle, and sweep the house, and seek diligently till she find it? 9 And when she hath found it, she calleth her friends and her neighbours together, saying, Rejoice with me; for I have found the piece which I had lost."

In this parable, we are the pieces of silver. Jesus is the woman, and when we are lost, He does not stop searching till He finds us. In my pain this week, and in my sleeping it off, I might have become a little lost. I might have forgotten who I am. Whose I am. I might have forgotten that I have a loving Father in Heaven who cares for me. But He never forgot about me.

Luke 15:11-32 is a lot longer, so a few of my favorite scriptures from this parable are: "18 I will arise and go to my father, and will say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee, 19 And am no more worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thy hired servants. 20 And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him. 21 And the son said unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in they sight, and am no more worthy to be called thy son. 22 But the father said to his servants, Bring froth the best robe, and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet... 24 For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. And they began to be merry."

In this parable, we are the lost son. The prodigal son. I have heard that this parable should be called the parable of the prodigal sonS plural because even the son who stayed at home was also technically a prodigal son. Anyway, that is not the point of this parable in regards to my week. In regards to my week, I approached my dad and asked for help, much like the prodigal son who left. And my dad took me to the hospital, and gave me a blessing, and helped me get through this experience. 

One thing that I love about all of the parables that Jesus shares is how applicable they are to EVERYTHING. Until I was writing this, I never would have thought that I could apply the parables of the lost sheep, piece of silver, and son to an experience with appendicitis. But I can. And I did. And there is a lot more in our lives that we can apply these parables to.

I am grateful for my Father in Heaven, and for His love and support. I am grateful for my father on earth, who not only gave me a wonderful blessing last week right before my surgery, but a few weeks ago when I was struggling with school and life in general. I am grateful that I know that I am not lost to Him. I am grateful that I know that I am always within His sights. And I am grateful that I know that He loves me always, and has the greatest of plans for me.

Xoxo
Mattie

Letter of gratitude and love.

Dear Reader,
If you're reading this, this either means that you are either a friend, or a family member, or a nice random person who follows my blog. [If you're the latter, thank you so much! :)]

Today is Saturday August 22nd, 2015. I know it's late, but I realized earlier today that this weekend is my last weekend at home!! I move out next Wednesday.  You may question: Am I super excited? Can I wait? Am I a little sad? (Answers to come shortly)

Before I go, I have to say something (I was going to post this Tuesday night/Wednesday morning, but I couldn't wait).

18 years is a long time. I've lived in five homes, two of which were in Provo when I was little, and two of which were in Orem up until I was 14 years old. The most recent home is here in Lehi. Though I do not really remember the homes in Provo, I most definitely remember the Orem homes and, obviously, Lehi. I've been to four schools, two of which were in Orem and two of which were here in Lehi.

In all that time, I have met so many people. They have all taught me so many things. If you would like to read a detailed version of my gratitude for people in my life, click here. I should mention that it is literally detailed. It is way, way, waaay long, and if you don't want to read it after you look at it, I don't blame you. But just in case you want to, it is there for you.

Now–I am so, so, so grateful for everyone in my home neighborhoods–both Lehi and Orem. I have learned so much and grown so much because of all of the people that I have come in contact with. Everyone has taught me a valuable lesson, whether they knew it or not–whether I knew it or not. I have had so many angels in my life, especially within the last three or so years. They have been anchors and strengths to me, and I'm so grateful for them. I never knew that so many people could touch my life in so many different ways, but it's possible. <3

I have never felt so much love for all of my friends and family until now. There are so many things I'm going to miss.

I'm going to miss getting together with my girl friends whenever a school dance was coming up and having a movie night. We had such fun!! I love those girls so much!!
I'm going to miss getting to be around my family all the time.
I'm going to miss getting to watch Porter and Lander grow up.
I'm going to miss lunchtime. I pretty much was a bouncy ball, traveling to friends because I wanted to see them and I missed them. (Also because I was literally bouncy. It's so much fun!)
I'm going to miss young women's. I love those girls so, so much!! They're all such sweethearts and they're going to be amazing mothers someday. <3
I'm going to miss seeing my friends every day/every other day. You get used to seeing them so often very fast, and when it's suddenly not happening, your world turns upside down. It's quite disconcerting.
I'm going to miss knowing people everywhere I go, or mostly everywhere I go. BYU is a big school, and I'm probably not going to see people that I currently know all that often, so I'm going to need to make new friends (which is hard for me. Please pray for me).
I'm going to miss my dad's weird sense of humor.
I'm going to miss all the times that all of us kids get along together, and we watch a movie, or quote a movie together, or have a singing/dancing session/marathon, or when we just talked and laughed.
I'm going to miss babysitting all the cute kids in my ward. They're so cute and I always enjoy watching them because they're so cute!!! I'm going to miss that.
Most of all, I'm going to miss having my mom around.
I'm going to miss her always being right there for me when I need her.

To answer your questions: Yes, I'm super excited, and yes, I can't wait, but yes, I'm a little sad.

Life is going to change so much for me in a few days.

Sometimes I'm ready for it.

Right now?

Right now, I'm going to miss what I have now, but yes–I am excited. Though I will be having to adjust to new changes, there is one thing that I do not have to adjust to. Because one thing that is never going to change ever is my Savior. He will always be with me. He will always be there for me, and He is always going to love me. I know that I don't have to get through this without Him, and I'm so grateful for that. I love Him so much and I know that He loves me.

Thank you for always being there. Thanks for reading, thanks for being supportive, thanks for the love, and thanks for being my friend. Please, don't ever forget me. I'm always here for you, even if we never talk. Thanks for everything. <3

Love,
Mattie

If I Could.

If I Could:
If I could feel my Savior's love, would I ever feel unloved?

If I could feel His arms around me, would I ever feel sad?

If I could feel His presence, would I ever feel alone?

If I could understand His grace, would I ever feel lost?

If I could understand the Atonement, would I ever feel unforgiven?

If I could understand the Plan, would I ever falter from the path?

If I could love as He did, would I ever impede my neighbors?

If I could serve as He did, would I ever leave someone in need?

If I could care as He did, would I ever ignore someone in need?

Because I have felt my Savior's love, I feel loved.

Because I have felt His arms around me, I am happy.

Because I have felt His presence, I know I'm not alone.

Though I do not fully understand His grace, I do not feel lost.

Though I do not fully understand the Atonement, I do not feel unforgiven.

Though I do not fully understand the Plan, I try not to falter from the path.

Because I try to love as He did, I love my neighbor.

Because I try to serve as He did, I serve those around me.

Because I try to care as He did, I help those in need. 

Because He loved–and because He loves–I, too, love. 

~~A poem by Me

I know He loves me. I know He is always there for me. I know that He loves and is there for you, too. And because He cannot serve us personally, He sends people to us to help us out. I love being the answer to someone's prayers, because sometimes being the answer to someone's prayer answers my prayers. Plus, I just love making people happy. :) I know that God loves it when everyone is happy, too, so I am always trying to make those that I meet happy because I know that that's what Jesus would do. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen. 

Obedience.

Sister Nielson talked about obedience in Relief Society today, and I thought this quote was perfect!! "When we love the Lord, obedience ceases to be a burden. Obedience becomes a delight." (Joseph B. Wirthlin) I love this!! As you come closer to the Lord, and love Him, obeying Him becomes a delight. You want to obey Him; you know that it is right and true. Obeying Him makes you happier, and it makes you stronger. <3

We are all on our own personal trail of hope. Heavenly Father will send us blessings, angels, and comfort to give us strength as we go through difficult trials. Obedience to the commandments keeps us safe and enables us to reach our full potential. The commandments are loving guidance from our Heavenly Father and are a road map that can lead us home. Sister Nielson gave us this quote:

"Obedience to God can be the very highest expression of independence. Just think of giving to Him the one thing, the one gift, that He would never take...Obedience–that which God will never take by force–He will accept when freely given. And He will then return to you freedom that you can hardly dream of–the freedom to feel, and to know, the freedom to do, and the freedom to BE, at least a thousand fold more than we offer Him. Strangely enough, the key to freedom is OBEDIENCE."

I know that when we obey Heavenly Father's commandments, He blesses us. It may not always be right away, and it may not be in the way we expected, but He will always bless us. I know that He sends us angels to comfort us–He can send us people, or He can send us literal angels, and He can send us angels in other forms, such as the form of music. I know that we are never alone, and I know that He loves us. I know He is always with us, and I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ amen.

Change.

Change is something that will always be happening. Maybe you married someone and your life will never be the same again. Maybe someone who was always a constant in your life is now gone from your life or farther away. Maybe you have a new addition to your family. Maybe a lot of your friends are going off to college. Whether for better or for worse, change will always be a constant thing in our lives. But you know one person who will never change? They'll always be there and they'll always be the same? Jesus Christ. He is always there and He will always be the same. He will always be there to hold your hand through tough times or pick you up if it gets too rough. He will always be there. He will always be there when you're scared for a good change that will really mess with your world. He will always be there when you're sad and frightened. He will never leave you alone. He will always be there and He will send people--angels--to be His helping hands. Maybe that girl down the street that you just waved to or said "hi" to needed someone to be friendly. Maybe that compliment you gave your best friend lifted them up to be able to get through the day. Maybe that compliment you received helped lift you up. Maybe that hug or smile you received gave you hope. You never know who Heavenly Father sends you to to be their angel, or who He sends to you to be your angel. No matter the story, no matter the person, no matter the ending, He will never leave you, nor forsake you. He will always be a constant thing in your life and He will never change. 

Tender mercies. Technology. Angels.

Twelfth: I'm grateful for tender mercies. I had a library book due that I forgot to turn in (well, renew, actually...I still need it) and when I went in to the library yesterday it was closed, so I couldn't renew it. So I went in today and was worried I'd have to pay a fine (which I've never ever had one before) but I didn't. So I'm grateful that I didn't have a fine and that I was able to renew. 

Numero trece: I'm grateful for technology. I love being connected with my friends and family that live far away. So I'm grateful for the opportunity that I have to communicate with my family and friends. 

#6: (I accidentally forgot this one. Oops!) I'm grateful for angels. The ones in heaven and the ones on earth. They help me and they listen and it's just so nice to have them around me. So I'm grateful for helping hands and influences.