Letter of gratitude and love.

Dear Reader,
If you're reading this, this either means that you are either a friend, or a family member, or a nice random person who follows my blog. [If you're the latter, thank you so much! :)]

Today is Saturday August 22nd, 2015. I know it's late, but I realized earlier today that this weekend is my last weekend at home!! I move out next Wednesday.  You may question: Am I super excited? Can I wait? Am I a little sad? (Answers to come shortly)

Before I go, I have to say something (I was going to post this Tuesday night/Wednesday morning, but I couldn't wait).

18 years is a long time. I've lived in five homes, two of which were in Provo when I was little, and two of which were in Orem up until I was 14 years old. The most recent home is here in Lehi. Though I do not really remember the homes in Provo, I most definitely remember the Orem homes and, obviously, Lehi. I've been to four schools, two of which were in Orem and two of which were here in Lehi.

In all that time, I have met so many people. They have all taught me so many things. If you would like to read a detailed version of my gratitude for people in my life, click here. I should mention that it is literally detailed. It is way, way, waaay long, and if you don't want to read it after you look at it, I don't blame you. But just in case you want to, it is there for you.

Now–I am so, so, so grateful for everyone in my home neighborhoods–both Lehi and Orem. I have learned so much and grown so much because of all of the people that I have come in contact with. Everyone has taught me a valuable lesson, whether they knew it or not–whether I knew it or not. I have had so many angels in my life, especially within the last three or so years. They have been anchors and strengths to me, and I'm so grateful for them. I never knew that so many people could touch my life in so many different ways, but it's possible. <3

I have never felt so much love for all of my friends and family until now. There are so many things I'm going to miss.

I'm going to miss getting together with my girl friends whenever a school dance was coming up and having a movie night. We had such fun!! I love those girls so much!!
I'm going to miss getting to be around my family all the time.
I'm going to miss getting to watch Porter and Lander grow up.
I'm going to miss lunchtime. I pretty much was a bouncy ball, traveling to friends because I wanted to see them and I missed them. (Also because I was literally bouncy. It's so much fun!)
I'm going to miss young women's. I love those girls so, so much!! They're all such sweethearts and they're going to be amazing mothers someday. <3
I'm going to miss seeing my friends every day/every other day. You get used to seeing them so often very fast, and when it's suddenly not happening, your world turns upside down. It's quite disconcerting.
I'm going to miss knowing people everywhere I go, or mostly everywhere I go. BYU is a big school, and I'm probably not going to see people that I currently know all that often, so I'm going to need to make new friends (which is hard for me. Please pray for me).
I'm going to miss my dad's weird sense of humor.
I'm going to miss all the times that all of us kids get along together, and we watch a movie, or quote a movie together, or have a singing/dancing session/marathon, or when we just talked and laughed.
I'm going to miss babysitting all the cute kids in my ward. They're so cute and I always enjoy watching them because they're so cute!!! I'm going to miss that.
Most of all, I'm going to miss having my mom around.
I'm going to miss her always being right there for me when I need her.

To answer your questions: Yes, I'm super excited, and yes, I can't wait, but yes, I'm a little sad.

Life is going to change so much for me in a few days.

Sometimes I'm ready for it.

Right now?

Right now, I'm going to miss what I have now, but yes–I am excited. Though I will be having to adjust to new changes, there is one thing that I do not have to adjust to. Because one thing that is never going to change ever is my Savior. He will always be with me. He will always be there for me, and He is always going to love me. I know that I don't have to get through this without Him, and I'm so grateful for that. I love Him so much and I know that He loves me.

Thank you for always being there. Thanks for reading, thanks for being supportive, thanks for the love, and thanks for being my friend. Please, don't ever forget me. I'm always here for you, even if we never talk. Thanks for everything. <3

Love,
Mattie

The Quest of a Lifetime.

Finally started packing for college the other day (Friday). I have two boxes fully packed; my school supplies box isn't all the way packed because I didn't know if I would need anything else, so for right now it is staying open.

Packing has been difficult. College still doesn't exactly seem real yet.

I had another mission farewell today, but I had to pay tithing so I went to my ward for sacrament meeting, and we sang "Families Can Be Together Forever" and I nearly started bawling. Next week is my last week at church before I move, and I won't see my family all the time. I'm grateful for this (Porter's terrible 4's and my brothers all being up in each others' faces will be nice to get away from), but also sad. I'm going to miss it when all my siblings get along, and when my brothers do cute things.

I have been very emotional this month, especially since I have started packing and since I have realized that my siblings start school this week and I am not going to be joining them. Also especially since I realized that my friends and I are all going to separate schools (or going on missions for a lot of my guy friends) and we won't see each other quite so often. And making new friends is difficult for me sometimes. I don't really deal with changes all that well sometimes, and this one is a big change, which is why I'm really nervous, but I'm really excited. It'll be good for me.

I really am really excited for college, but I just can't stop feeling nervous and worried!! I'm super worried that I won't make a lot of friends and super worried that even if I do make friends, I might scare some of them off because I am (sometimes) a whack-a-doodle crazy person (<<Example. Who says whack-a-doodle crazy person??).

I was told that the more I focus on being scared, the more scared I'll become, so I'm trying really hard to focus on being super excited!! I was also told that "It's okay to live" and I know that; I also know that college is my time!! It's just me! It'll be fun. :) I really am excited. :)

I think part of the reason that I'm nervous is because I'm worried that I'll forget something or that my roommate won't like me, or I won't make friends soon, or that I'll forget something important–like how to be a normal person.

ANYWAY.

The point of this post was to share this:

Though I am going to be by myself;
Though I am going to be/learn to be an adult;
Though I am going to be scared;
Though I am going to be worried;
There is no need for me to be quite so scared, quite so worried;
God is on my side.
He is with me.
He will be there.

I sometimes forget that: He's coming with me!!! He won't let me go alone. He'll be there every step of the way. :) :) :)

I just have to be brave. It's like when I go swimming: if I dip my toes in, it's super freezing! I just have to be brave and jump in, and then my body gets used to the water rather quickly and it's okay. Change is like that; you just have to be brave and jump in. Everything will be okay. :) Especially because my Savior is going with me and He won't let me do it all alone. As long as I remember to study my scriptures, pray, and manage my time wisely, everything will be okay. :) :)

Life is just a big adventure, and college is the next step on my road map. 

This'll be the quest of a lifetime, and it's my quest. :) :)

Oh! And P.S. I have been working on my scripture study, and every night this week I have studied my scriptures/written in my scripture journal and prayed. :) This week, I'm going to try and pray in the mornings, too. :) Wish me luck!! :)