His love for me is greater than I can imagine.

God has an incredibly special plan for me.

I was just browsing Facebook, chilling, and looking at all of the things that my friends are doing in their lives...and I had that thought. "God has an incredibly special plan for me." For me. His plan for me is tailor-made for me. I don't entirely know what He has planned for me 🤣 but I am so excited to find out in time. Sometimes I wish I could find out faster...but that's not how it works.

This week has been incredibly long...and I had a lot that happened...but I am grateful that I have my Savior and Redeemer, Jesus Christ, to lean on.

One thing that has been incredibly difficult for me lately is that I have been struggling to find a balance. My schedule is incredibly busy and full right now, and I am struggling to find a balance between sleep, homework, school, work, and my rest and relaxation time. I am very excited that I have only ONE MONTH left of school!!! But I am incredibly disappointed that it is going by so slow. Please pray that I will have the patience to get through it! 🤣

I am very grateful for the love of my Heavenly Father, and for His kindness, and for His mercy. He loves me more than I can comprehend. I am grateful for the people that He sends into my life, and for the experiences that help me learn and grow. Even if I don't understand at the moment, and even if I don't ever understand in this life, I know that everything will come together in the end. It's sometimes hard to look at my life and realize that it's not where I thought I would be right now...but I am very grateful for where I am right now. I know that I've got a lot of growth to do, and I'm grateful that I have my Heavenly Father to help me.

I know that God has great blessings and plans for me. I know it. I know it's hard to see sometimes, and sometimes it's difficult to even believe that God's plan for me is better than the plans that I have for myself, but I know that He and I discussed my life here on Earth, and I agreed to it. I didn't know what I was getting myself into, but I thought that I would be able to handle it with His help. And He knows that I can handle it with His help. And, as I look back on my life...I know that I can handle it.

I hope ya'll have had a great weekend and that you have a wonderful week!! God loves you very much and I am so grateful for you!! I am grateful for your insights, your influence, your love, and your strength and determination to do what's right. I love you!

Xoxo
Mattie

It's up to us to turn towards Him.

I was reading in Alma earlier this week and had the thought that the Lamanites and Nephites had many cycles of righteousness and wickedness, and Heavenly Father gave them many second chances. I, too, have had many cycles of righteousness and 'wickedness', and Heavenly Father has given me so many second chances. I am so thankful for that! This week has been a difficult week in several ways but I've made it and am totally pleased with my choices. Hopefully this next week will be a lot easier. I've really been blessed these past couple weeks. I don't think we realize just how much a part of our lives our Savior and Heavenly Father are. I'm so thankful for their part in my life. I'm getting ready to go to Bear Lake this summer for work and I've been super stressed about it, but the last 24-ish hours I have been on top of the ball! I have to finish making my shopping list and then go shopping tomorrow, and then I have to finish packing. I'm excited for all the fun adventures that are going to happen this summer, but I'm nervous I'm going to forget something. But I'm trying to be positive, and in control of my anxiety and depression. Some days it's hard, and I feel lost, lonely, and unloved, but I know I'm not alone, I know I'm loved, and I know that my Savior is with me, so I know I'm really not lost. He knows where I am, and I just don't know where I am yet.

There's a song by Hilary Weeks that I love. It's called "Where I Am" and it's talking about how when Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are with us, we know where we are. I'm not always sure of where I am...lately I've been feeling really lost...but I know that as long as I am trying to do the right things, and as long as I am trying to be closer to my Savior...I don't need to worry. Because if I am not going in the right direction, He'll let me know. I can count on Him to guide me in the right direction.

One of the speakers in sacrament meeting said that, "Charity is something you acquire, and make a part of you... True charity is love in action. You are the gift. Fill the hunger for human connection... More isn't always better. Sometimes it's just more." I really loved this! Charity is a way for us to connect with other people! Deep down, everyone craves connection. Charity is a way for us to help create this connection between those who need and want it...and those who can show them love. The last thing that she said was that more isn't always better. I loved that. Sometimes, we go out of our way and over the top to show someone we love them, or to help someone in need...but sometimes all they need is someone to listen. Sometimes all they need is someone to watch their kids. Sometimes all they need is someone to tell them they are loved. Something simple, sweet, short.

I loved what the other speaker in sacrament meeting talked about. He talked about how Jesus grew. He brought up this scripture, Luke 2:52, which reads: "And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and man." One thing that I noticed while he was talking about this scripture was really interesting:

• Wisdom = Mentally
• Stature = Physically
• Favour with God = Spiritually
• Favour with man = Socially

It states specifically in the scriptures that Jesus grew and increased in all of the areas that we all struggle with! At one time or another, we have all struggled (or will struggle with) at least one of these, if not all of them. And Jesus knows how we feel!! Not just because He felt our personal struggles when He atoned for us, but because He, too, experienced it for Himself! That is so amazing!! 

He also brought up the talk by Elder Massimo De Feo of the Seventy entitled "Pure Love: The True Sign of Every True Disciple of Jesus Christ", from the last General Conference. He talked about how Elder De Feo's mother was not a member of the church, and she was sick, and asked her son to teach her how to pray. Elder De Feo goes on to say, "How can someone who is in such great pain pray for someone else. She is the one in need." The answer? Pure love. His mother loved him so much that she forgot about herself. In her most critical hour, she loved him more than she loved herself. If this sounds familiar, you're correct. Someone else we know and love prayed for others while He was in great pain. Our Savior. He loved us so much that He was willing to go to great lengths to make sure that we could return to our Heavenly Father if we wanted to. Despite His pain and second thoughts, He went through it: He drank the bitter cup for us, and He died for us. All because He loved us.

Something some said today really stood out to me. He said, "Even great faith has a shelf life." I loved that. We have to make a daily effort to grow and maintain our faith. We are saplings in the gospel. We have to tend to our testimonies, our faith, our charity, our patience...all the attributes of Christ that we are trying to emulate and gain, we need to continuously tend to them. They will die if we don't nourish them.

Heavenly Father trusts us to do and be more. He really does. He's given us the tools and knowledge that we need to grow. He'll sometimes give us nudges...but ultimately, it's up to us. We have to be the ones to make the move. He will not force us to do anything we don't want to, but His arms are open, and He's knocking at our door. We just have to run to Him and let Him in.

I am so thankful for a Heavenly Father who gives me so many second chances. I am so thankful for a Savior who is always with me. I am so thankful for the opportunities I have to start over again. I don't think I deserve them, but I am grateful for them. I am so grateful that my Savior loves me and thinks that I am worth saving and redeeming. I am so thankful for supportive and loving friends and family. I don't think I could do this without them.

I am blessed to have such a loving and supportive Father in Heaven, and His Son, my Savior and Redeemer.

Well, this week is my last week at home! I'm heading up to Bear Lake on Friday for my job at a scouting camp! I'm excited! I can't wait! I'm hoping to still keep posting on my blog every week this summer, but they either will not be super long, or I will miss a couple of weeks. I hope not, but just in case, this is me letting you know.

I hope everyone has a great last week before summer officially starts! I hope everyone has a sweet Memorial Day. I'm so thankful for all those who have died while serving our country. I am grateful for their service, and I hope that I can always remember that people have died to protect the ground that I walk every day.

The Quest of a Lifetime.

Finally started packing for college the other day (Friday). I have two boxes fully packed; my school supplies box isn't all the way packed because I didn't know if I would need anything else, so for right now it is staying open.

Packing has been difficult. College still doesn't exactly seem real yet.

I had another mission farewell today, but I had to pay tithing so I went to my ward for sacrament meeting, and we sang "Families Can Be Together Forever" and I nearly started bawling. Next week is my last week at church before I move, and I won't see my family all the time. I'm grateful for this (Porter's terrible 4's and my brothers all being up in each others' faces will be nice to get away from), but also sad. I'm going to miss it when all my siblings get along, and when my brothers do cute things.

I have been very emotional this month, especially since I have started packing and since I have realized that my siblings start school this week and I am not going to be joining them. Also especially since I realized that my friends and I are all going to separate schools (or going on missions for a lot of my guy friends) and we won't see each other quite so often. And making new friends is difficult for me sometimes. I don't really deal with changes all that well sometimes, and this one is a big change, which is why I'm really nervous, but I'm really excited. It'll be good for me.

I really am really excited for college, but I just can't stop feeling nervous and worried!! I'm super worried that I won't make a lot of friends and super worried that even if I do make friends, I might scare some of them off because I am (sometimes) a whack-a-doodle crazy person (<<Example. Who says whack-a-doodle crazy person??).

I was told that the more I focus on being scared, the more scared I'll become, so I'm trying really hard to focus on being super excited!! I was also told that "It's okay to live" and I know that; I also know that college is my time!! It's just me! It'll be fun. :) I really am excited. :)

I think part of the reason that I'm nervous is because I'm worried that I'll forget something or that my roommate won't like me, or I won't make friends soon, or that I'll forget something important–like how to be a normal person.

ANYWAY.

The point of this post was to share this:

Though I am going to be by myself;
Though I am going to be/learn to be an adult;
Though I am going to be scared;
Though I am going to be worried;
There is no need for me to be quite so scared, quite so worried;
God is on my side.
He is with me.
He will be there.

I sometimes forget that: He's coming with me!!! He won't let me go alone. He'll be there every step of the way. :) :) :)

I just have to be brave. It's like when I go swimming: if I dip my toes in, it's super freezing! I just have to be brave and jump in, and then my body gets used to the water rather quickly and it's okay. Change is like that; you just have to be brave and jump in. Everything will be okay. :) Especially because my Savior is going with me and He won't let me do it all alone. As long as I remember to study my scriptures, pray, and manage my time wisely, everything will be okay. :) :)

Life is just a big adventure, and college is the next step on my road map. 

This'll be the quest of a lifetime, and it's my quest. :) :)

Oh! And P.S. I have been working on my scripture study, and every night this week I have studied my scriptures/written in my scripture journal and prayed. :) This week, I'm going to try and pray in the mornings, too. :) Wish me luck!! :)

Weaknesses can become strengths.

Wish me luck! I'm giving a talk tomorrow, and the choir is performing in sacrament meeting. I am super duper nervous!! I hate speaking in front of people. I do better performing–even though I still get nervous. I just know that that (being nervous when speaking/performing) is one of the things that is a weakness that the Lord can make a strength of mine if I turn and let Him. And I mean, I've gotten way better. I used to be so, so much worse. So that's a blessing. Well it is 11:30pm my time, so I gotta go! But I know that Heavenly Father loves you and I know that He can help make your weaknesses strengths. :)