Blessings come, even in the midst of awful accidents.

Wow! What a week it has been!! A lot has happened. 

My throat has been so sore this week I was unable to eat or drink anything. By Thursday/Friday, my throat was finally feeling better enough to be able to actually eat and drink, and now it is almost 100% back to normal. Yay for food!

Yesterday, I was driving my sister home, and we got into a car accident. Everyone is fine–no one was hurt. But my car did have to be towed. I hope he'll be all right. I am so thankful for so many things about this accident:

1. No one got hurt. That is an amazing blessing, considering the nature of the accident.
2. I was able to drive my car off the road. I think my radiator got hit and some antifreeze spilled onto it, so it was smoking really bad and looked awful, so I wasn't sure I'd be able to get it off the road but I did.
3. I'm grateful that there was a police officer so close by! They came so fast and were so kind and helpful. 
4. I'm grateful that my sister and I were both able to get rides home safely. Thank you to my Relief Society president for coming to get me! She is the absolute SWEETEST human being on the planet and I love her so much!!
5. I'm so grateful that it wasn't worse. This could have been much, much worse.

It has been an emotional time, I am not going to lie. It was my first accident as a driver, and it was my fault, and I am trying not to be so upset with myself, but it's hard. Every time I close my eyes, I relive the accident again and again–wondering how the accident could have been avoided if I'd maybe only just waited a little longer, wondering if it would have been worse if I had gone earlier, or waited just a  little longer–it's difficult to avoid that sort of thinking, you know? Sometimes our minds just have....well, a mind of their own. Lol. 

I am grateful to my Heavenly Father for all of the blessings about this accident. I know that it could have been so. much. worse. but I am grateful that it wasn't. I am grateful that He was watching out for me, and the driver and passenger of the other car. I am so, so, so, so sad that this happened, and that I was at fault, but I am so, so grateful that it wasn't as bad as it could have been (there were only two cars involved in the accident, for starters). 

Sometimes we just need to take a step back, and remember what's most important. Yes, I am upset that my car is going to need a lot of work. Yes, I am upset that I even got into this accident. Yes, I am upset that it was my fault. But I am grateful that none of the people in the accident are going to need any work. I am grateful that it was just two cars involved in the accident. I am not happy that I was at fault, and I don't think I can ever be happy or grateful for that. But I am grateful that I know I was not distracted by anything in my car. I am grateful that my eyes were on the road, and that my focus was on the road. I just made a mistake in judgement, and it cost me a little. 

I am still sad that this accident happened, and I don't know how long it is going to take me to not be haunted by visions of it replaying in my head, but I am so, so, thankful to my Father in Heaven for all of His blessings surrounding this accident. 

Accidents happen. That's the truth. All we can do is move forward one moment at a time. 

I hope everyone has a restful Sabbath Day, and I hope you all remember to drive safely!! Please. Not all car accidents are this lucky. 

Xoxo

Mattie

It's up to us to turn towards Him.

I was reading in Alma earlier this week and had the thought that the Lamanites and Nephites had many cycles of righteousness and wickedness, and Heavenly Father gave them many second chances. I, too, have had many cycles of righteousness and 'wickedness', and Heavenly Father has given me so many second chances. I am so thankful for that! This week has been a difficult week in several ways but I've made it and am totally pleased with my choices. Hopefully this next week will be a lot easier. I've really been blessed these past couple weeks. I don't think we realize just how much a part of our lives our Savior and Heavenly Father are. I'm so thankful for their part in my life. I'm getting ready to go to Bear Lake this summer for work and I've been super stressed about it, but the last 24-ish hours I have been on top of the ball! I have to finish making my shopping list and then go shopping tomorrow, and then I have to finish packing. I'm excited for all the fun adventures that are going to happen this summer, but I'm nervous I'm going to forget something. But I'm trying to be positive, and in control of my anxiety and depression. Some days it's hard, and I feel lost, lonely, and unloved, but I know I'm not alone, I know I'm loved, and I know that my Savior is with me, so I know I'm really not lost. He knows where I am, and I just don't know where I am yet.

There's a song by Hilary Weeks that I love. It's called "Where I Am" and it's talking about how when Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are with us, we know where we are. I'm not always sure of where I am...lately I've been feeling really lost...but I know that as long as I am trying to do the right things, and as long as I am trying to be closer to my Savior...I don't need to worry. Because if I am not going in the right direction, He'll let me know. I can count on Him to guide me in the right direction.

One of the speakers in sacrament meeting said that, "Charity is something you acquire, and make a part of you... True charity is love in action. You are the gift. Fill the hunger for human connection... More isn't always better. Sometimes it's just more." I really loved this! Charity is a way for us to connect with other people! Deep down, everyone craves connection. Charity is a way for us to help create this connection between those who need and want it...and those who can show them love. The last thing that she said was that more isn't always better. I loved that. Sometimes, we go out of our way and over the top to show someone we love them, or to help someone in need...but sometimes all they need is someone to listen. Sometimes all they need is someone to watch their kids. Sometimes all they need is someone to tell them they are loved. Something simple, sweet, short.

I loved what the other speaker in sacrament meeting talked about. He talked about how Jesus grew. He brought up this scripture, Luke 2:52, which reads: "And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and man." One thing that I noticed while he was talking about this scripture was really interesting:

• Wisdom = Mentally
• Stature = Physically
• Favour with God = Spiritually
• Favour with man = Socially

It states specifically in the scriptures that Jesus grew and increased in all of the areas that we all struggle with! At one time or another, we have all struggled (or will struggle with) at least one of these, if not all of them. And Jesus knows how we feel!! Not just because He felt our personal struggles when He atoned for us, but because He, too, experienced it for Himself! That is so amazing!! 

He also brought up the talk by Elder Massimo De Feo of the Seventy entitled "Pure Love: The True Sign of Every True Disciple of Jesus Christ", from the last General Conference. He talked about how Elder De Feo's mother was not a member of the church, and she was sick, and asked her son to teach her how to pray. Elder De Feo goes on to say, "How can someone who is in such great pain pray for someone else. She is the one in need." The answer? Pure love. His mother loved him so much that she forgot about herself. In her most critical hour, she loved him more than she loved herself. If this sounds familiar, you're correct. Someone else we know and love prayed for others while He was in great pain. Our Savior. He loved us so much that He was willing to go to great lengths to make sure that we could return to our Heavenly Father if we wanted to. Despite His pain and second thoughts, He went through it: He drank the bitter cup for us, and He died for us. All because He loved us.

Something some said today really stood out to me. He said, "Even great faith has a shelf life." I loved that. We have to make a daily effort to grow and maintain our faith. We are saplings in the gospel. We have to tend to our testimonies, our faith, our charity, our patience...all the attributes of Christ that we are trying to emulate and gain, we need to continuously tend to them. They will die if we don't nourish them.

Heavenly Father trusts us to do and be more. He really does. He's given us the tools and knowledge that we need to grow. He'll sometimes give us nudges...but ultimately, it's up to us. We have to be the ones to make the move. He will not force us to do anything we don't want to, but His arms are open, and He's knocking at our door. We just have to run to Him and let Him in.

I am so thankful for a Heavenly Father who gives me so many second chances. I am so thankful for a Savior who is always with me. I am so thankful for the opportunities I have to start over again. I don't think I deserve them, but I am grateful for them. I am so grateful that my Savior loves me and thinks that I am worth saving and redeeming. I am so thankful for supportive and loving friends and family. I don't think I could do this without them.

I am blessed to have such a loving and supportive Father in Heaven, and His Son, my Savior and Redeemer.

Well, this week is my last week at home! I'm heading up to Bear Lake on Friday for my job at a scouting camp! I'm excited! I can't wait! I'm hoping to still keep posting on my blog every week this summer, but they either will not be super long, or I will miss a couple of weeks. I hope not, but just in case, this is me letting you know.

I hope everyone has a great last week before summer officially starts! I hope everyone has a sweet Memorial Day. I'm so thankful for all those who have died while serving our country. I am grateful for their service, and I hope that I can always remember that people have died to protect the ground that I walk every day.

Keep moving forward. Your story isn't over yet.

I might be posting more often because school is winding down to a close and I have nothing else to do but go back through my Facebook and blog posts. So, sorry! But this was something I said a couple of years ago and I really needed it the other day.

"Don't stop in the middle of this chapter of your life and don't look back. If you need to pause, go ahead and pause. But don't look back and keep moving forward. You are who you are. Accept it and move on. Be yourself, because there's no one like you, and no one can be you better than you."

And this is what I said today about what I said a couple of years ago:
"Sometimes I say really deep things, and sometimes I need reminders of those deep things because some days are really hard. We just need to keep moving forward. You can't change the past--you can't change what's happened. If it's happened, it's happened. You can, however, change your perspective. Don't look back. Looking back only makes it hurt. Keep your eyes fixed firmly ahead. You might not be able to change the past, but you can change your future with what you do today. <3"

Your story isn't over yet! You are still writing it! You are still living it. I know that we all do things that we are not proud of and we stress over them or we can't forgive ourselves. But we can't change the past. That part of our story has been written. Our future, however, is blank! It's open for new ideas and possibilities! If you regret your past, learn from it. Don't make the same mistakes that you did. Keep moving forward, and make your story a good one.