My best is enough.

General Conference weekend has come and gone, and it flew by! I can't believe that it's already over! I am so grateful for all of the messages that were shared this weekend and for the answers that I received this weekend. I am grateful for a God who knows me and loves me, and I am grateful for His living prophet, President Russell M. Nelson. He is an amazing man, with a good, kind heart, and he has a love for this gospel, and for the members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, that is inspiring.

I am so grateful for the chance that I had to go to Salt Lake City yesterday and watch conference in the Joseph Smith Memorial building with my boyfriend, and then walk around Temple Square for a bit before heading back down to Lehi. It was an amazing conference, and I am so grateful for the messages that were spoken, and for the answers that I didn't even know I was looking for! God works in mysterious ways, and I sure am grateful for that!

This weekend was amazing! It was the first time in all of my life that I didn't have any homework or anything to do in between sessions (that I can remember). I just got to focus on conference! It was sooo nice!

I'm grateful for the messages of love that I heard this weekend! And for the messages of support. Lately I feel like all I have been able to do is try my best, and this weekend, I got the answer that that is enough. As the days and weeks press on, I will try to improve each day, but I know that no matter what, it is enough that I will be trying.

I'm looking forward to this upcoming week at work! We're going to be making cookies in class on Thursday that are animal shaped and the kids don't even know it! It's going to be a blast! If anyone has any fun ideas for "In The Fall" (which is our next theme) I'd love some! I've got a few ideas but would love another perspective!

God is wonderful! I am grateful for the peace and love that I feel as I listen to conference, as I attend church meetings, as I go to the temple, and as I am surrounded by my friends and family. My life is not perfect in any way shape or form, but it's perfect for me.

Xoxo
Mattie

Answers to prayers.

Today I made a conscious effort to write down the things that I want to improve on this week. Most of them are personal, so I will not share them, but I will say that one improvement I want to make is to be able to be more patient with my kiddos at work. Sometimes it is exhausting trying to teach them and get them to listen, and I get frustrated a lot, but I want to be better at being patient and more loving towards them.

During the sacrament, I was thinking about how grateful I am for the Atonement, and for the chance to repent and start again. For the chance to press the reset button and try again. Every week I need to try again. So I am grateful for my Savior, who has given me the chance to do so.

In Sunday School, someone brought up the fact that God has a measuring stick for each of us, and I thought that that was really inspiring. We measure ourselves differently than He does, and there are a few moments where we measure things similarly to Him, but more often than not, His measures are different than ours. 

Despite the fact that I will not be starting school this week or in a few weeks like some people, I am still feeling very stressed about the fact that I am teaching! I'm grateful for the opportunity, I really am, but sometimes I don't feel very capable or even worthy to teach these kiddos. It amazes me each and every day how I even got here.

Friday was a different day at work–we had to do some makeshift stuff and move kids around. My kids all got moved, and one of my kids got moved to a different class and he had a really hard time. It broke my heart when I went in to give one of my coworkers a break because he was crying and also so happy to see me because he thought we were going back to class. When I left, he was still crying. Somehow this experience was all sorts of heartbreaking. One: he was so sad, and I couldn't help him feel less sad. 2) When I walked in, he was so happy to see me. It broke my heart because I was so sad to see him sad, but I was so happy that I was someone that he was starting to feel comfortable with. 

Lately I've been reading/listening to General Conference talks, and this week I read "Answers to Prayer" by Elder Brook P. Hales, and he said, "Brothers and sisters, sometimes our prayers are answered quickly with the outcome we hope for. Sometimes our prayers are not answered in the way we hope for, yet with time we learn that God had greater blessings prepared for us than we initially anticipated. And sometimes our righteous petitions to God will not be granted in this life." 

Right now, I feel like my prayers are not being answered in the way that I hoped they would be, and I am trying to learn to be okay with that but it's harder than I expected it would be. I'm looking into adding new hobbies to my repertoire and I have a few ideas but absolutely no idea how to do them yet. But first, I have to tackle my room. I've been working on it all summer but I've also been busy all summer so it is taking me longer than I planned, but I am hopeful that I will be able to get it done this week if I work on it every day after work.

Then, once my physical life (work, my room, etc.) is prepared and all cleaned up, I can work on adding new hobbies. Slowly, and one at a time. And who knows, maybe I won't be able to get into the hobbies I'm thinking about right now, but maybe they'll open my eyes to other hobbies.

I am grateful for friends who are the answers to my prayers, and I am grateful for a God who knows the people and answers that I need. I am lucky to have so many amazing and wonderful people in my life and I am grateful for the blessings that they are in my life, and for the blessings that they add to my life.

I know that God loves me, and I know that He is looking out for me. In His own special way, He is making sure that I have what I need in life. 

Hopefully this week goes well for us all! Good luck with those who are dealing with back to school stuff–you got this!!

Xoxo

Mattie

He gives us peace.

I am so grateful for the week that I've had. Even though I totally did not do super great on my midterms this week, I know that I tried my best, and that's all that matters. I have another midterm this week, and there's some meetings I've got this week for a few different projects, but I think that I will do better on my midterm this week.

I've been reading The Book of Mormon every day this week, and one of my favorite verses in the books of Nephi has always been 1st Nephi 9:6, which says, "But the Lord knoweth all things from the beginning; wherefore, he prepareth a way to accomplish all his works among the children of men; for behold, he hath all power unto the fulfilling of all his words." This is one of my favorite scriptures because it's a reminder to me that Heavenly Father has a plan just for me, and He is helping me find it. He's helping me through it. All of the things that I am going through...all of the things that have happened in my life...are leading me to who I need to be, and where I need to be.

Recently, I have decided that it's time that I focus on my testimony, and spiritual self. I am really excited–I have been working on it a for a few weeks and have already seen some blessings in my life.  I have been more in tune with the Spirit lately, and I have been feeling more at peace. This semester has been really amazing–I haven't had a lot of crazy weeks, and I've been on top of my homework like nobody's business. I'm really excited to be graduating at the end of this school year, and I have a few fun ideas for after I graduate.

I have a challenge for you guys. For my Preparation for Marriage class, one of our assignments is to do a bunch of little experiential assignments, and one of the options we had was to write a love letter to ourselves. We could only write positive things, and I learned a lot about myself. I challenge you to write a love letter to yourself. I promise that it will be enlightening about who you are, and I know that you will come to love yourself a little more as you think about your personality traits, attributes, and all of the beautiful parts of who you are.

I am so thankful for my Father in Heaven, who blesses me and loves me. He has inspired me to confront my fears, learn to love my flaws, and bless those around me despite what's going on in my life.

Church was amazing today! I learned a lot of things I need to do to improve myself and my attitude about certain things in my life. I was able to meet my new ministering elders today and they were so sweet and willing to give me a blessing. I am so thankful for the blessing! It was really special and sweet and I know that my Father in Heaven is listening and watching out for me. I know that He cares for me and wants what is best for me. That blessing was an answer to my prayers and I am so blessed and so thankful for the sweet blessing from my Father in Heaven.

I love my Heavenly Father and my Savior. I love the path that I am on in life right now. I am not perfect, and my life is not perfect, but right now I am doing what I need to be doing, and I am where I need to be.  Even though I don't understand some of the things that I am going through, I am so blessed to have loving Heavenly Parents who are there for me, and who have given me wonderful friends and family to depend on.

Philippians 4:7: "And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

Xoxo
Mattie

God loves. So I love.

What a week! It's been really crazy, and yet, overall it's been really great, and so easy. This semester has–for the most part–not been super stressful, which I appreciate greatly. Especially considering next semester might be slightly more crazy, especially if I end up taking as many credits as I have sitting in my cart currently (which is 18, fun fact).

I had the opportunity to go to the temple yesterday with my friend and it was absolutely the best thing!! It was exactly what I needed! I love going to the temple, and I especially love hanging out with my friends! Yesterday was like the best day ever! I got a lot of stuff done and I just felt really, really great! I'm so pumped for this week even though I've got like two tests opening on Thursday.

I have been on a social media fast for the last seven days, and I still have three more to go, but honestly, it has been the BIGGEST BLESSING in my life!!! That kind of shocked me, actually! I am absolutely in love with social media, and in keeping up with my friends and family, but these past seven days have been so wonderful! I've been more focused and on top of things. I also never thought that I would be able to actually do a social media fast, I love it so much. But I did! I'm so proud of myself!!

In the midst of my social media fast, I have filled my time with:

• homework
• scripture study
• listening to the Spirit
• communicating with my friends and family via text or in person
• going to the temple
• focusing on myself
• figuring out some of my goals for the school year
• realizing my potential, my purpose, and what I have to offer the world

Now, I'm not saying that I don't do those things when I am not on a social media fast, but sometimes it is a bit harder to do. I am excited to see where not only the rest of the semester takes me, but the rest of the school year! I have a lot of exciting plans for the next several months and I can't wait to see what happens! After my social media fast is over, I have decided that I still want to implement some aspects of the social media fast. I want to only go on at certain times of the day for a certain amount of time, and only if I do not have any major projects or assignments to do. I honestly spend SO MUCH of my time on social media. It's honestly a problem, and I've always known that, but this social media fast has really opened my eyes to 1) how bad it is, and 2) how I can overcome it.

God knows my heart. He knows how much good I have in me. And He knows what I have needed to help me realize my worth and potential. 

I have been thinking for about a year and a half about going through the temple, but I have had some things in my life that have made it hard for me to feel worthy, even though I have repented. This summer, as most of you know, I had the amazing opportunity to go work at a scout camp up at Bear Lake! Up until this social media fast, it was the biggest blessing in my life (though it honestly still is one of the biggest blessings in my life) because I grew so much this summer!! I absolutely loved being up at Bear Lake, even though work was crazy, I was always tired, and I didn't always feel like I got enough people interaction. 

ANYWAY.

The point of that little segue was this: while at Bear Lake this summer, I tried to focus on myself, and my relationship with God, and forgiving myself. And it worked. By the end of the summer, I finally felt like I could forgive myself, and I felt like I was finally starting to hear God speak to me again! I was elated and couldn't be happier! I felt like it wasn't quite so dark in my life anymore.

I had about three weeks from the time I got home to the time I had to go back to school, and I was SO excited to go back to school! I couldn't wait to get learning and finish up my college career and GRADUATE! Ah! I couldn't stand it. Finally, the semester started! I was still feeling good and thinking about going through the temple, but it wasn't entirely the focus on my mind anymore. I had started seeing this guy and was really excited about getting to know him more. In addition to that, I had many projects to work on for school. 

There came a point in the middle of September when I was starting to question (as I often do) my purpose in this life, and what I am here for. I never understand it, I feel like, but sometimes I question if I even have a purpose.

In the week before General Conference, I had a prompting to send some inspiring messages to some of my friends, and as I pondered messages to send, I couldn't help but hope that I wasn't crazy and that what I sent them was actually what they needed. Turns out, God is all knowing! And somehow I sent them exactly what they needed.

Remember that guy I was seeing? Well, after about a month and a half, the relationship ended. I was devastated, but couldn't wait for conference to start the next morning so I could feel God's love. I was hoping for answers for some things that I was thinking about–including going through the temple. And in the first talk, I received some answers. Eagerly I awaited each talk, and somehow, I found something in every. single. talk. That answered one of my questions. Even questions I hadn't written down.

And as for the questions that I struggle with daily: Am I really needed here on earth? Is there something I can do even though I don't know what I want to do for the rest of my life as a career? Is there something I can do to help me not feel useless, and to help me realize my potential? Do I have a purpose right now, and even after now? 

I did have a purpose!! God needs disciples, and I am one of His disciples!! God needs people to minister to His children, and love them, and I am one of His ministers! I am someone who loves His children deeply! 

I give something to this world that no one else does: I give undying, endless love and compassion. No one loves like I do.

By the end of conference, I was feeling so, so loved, and I was feeling so warm and happy, and grateful. I realized that I am worthy enough to start preparing to go through the temple, and I realized that not only do I have a purpose in this life, but I am loved, too. I am loved by so many people. I realized that right now, what I need is to focus on my testimony, and my spiritual preparation and journey to go through God's holy temple. I needed to focus on ministering to those around me, and making sure that they know that they are loved. 

In this last week, I have received many more answers about other questions and goals that I have, and I am feeling good about going forward. 

I have been deeply afraid of a lot of things recently...but one of the lessons I have really learned and come to understand lately is this: God gives peace and comfort. And God knows you. He knows what you need, and He is always trying to help you understand what you need, and what He needs you to do. 

Today in Relief Society we learned about not being troubled, and my roommate gave an extremely profound comment that I loved. She said, "Fear drives us to Christ." I loved that. As we were talking about things that dispel fear, we discovered that the things that help the most to dispel fear come from God. And that our love for Him and His Gospel dispels fear. I do not need to fear anything about life. For one, I have God on my side. And for two, if I fear God more than I fear man (be in awe of His strength and power), and anything about life, I will be blessed to be able to work with God, and use my fear of Him to press forward steadfastly with faith, and bless His children. When I turn to Him, my fears fade away.

I know that God blesses us. I know that He sends us answers not only when we ask for them, but when we need them–even if we didn't know that that was a question we were seeking an answer for. I know that He loves us all–we are His children, and He created us. 

It's so easy to love other people, but it's a lot harder to love yourself. I've been working really hard on that since the summer, and even though I'm not perfect at it, I am in a better place today than I was then. I really do love myself, and I am blessed to be able to see past my imperfections most of the time. I hope to someday just honestly love myself fully for who I am like I do with my friends and family. That is my goal. I know that God is helping me learn to love myself and see past my flaws. I know that I see past my loved ones' flaws, and I see past a few of my own, but I still have a ways to go. 

I hope and pray that you all know that God loves you, blesses you, and wants what is best for you. I hope you know that I love you and pray for you every day, and that I wish only the best for you in life.

Xoxo

Mattie

Whatever He promises to you will happen in time.

You only get one life. You only get once chance to live. Are you going to waste it waiting for opportunities? Or are you going to make your own opportunities? Are you going to take chances, make mistakes, get messy? Are you going to try out for the job or audition for the part? Or are you going to wait for them to come to you? Are you going to take charge of your own life? Or are you going to let your life take charge of you?

I've been thinking a lot this week about the future. Mainly because I have no idea what I want to do with the rest of my life. But also because the whole idea of the future is odd, because it's equal parts intriguing and terrifying. It's intriguing because there are so many possibilities. It's terrifying because there are so many possibilities and I don't know which ones are going to happen, or when. However, as I was reading in 1 Nephi 3 this week, verses 7 and 16 stood out to me. 

Verse 7 is the one in which Nephi states that he knows "the Lord giveth no commandment unto to the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them." I love this scripture because it's a reminder to me that whatever God has commanded me to do, He will prepare the way. And whatever He has promised me...will come in time. 

Verse 16 says, "let us be faithful in keeping the commandments of the Lord". As we keep His commandments, He will bless us. And previously kept commandments make way for other commandments to be kept, and for other blessings to be given to us. 

Heavenly Father knows us. He really does. He loves us so much. He knows what we want. He knows what hurts us. He knows what makes us happy. He knows what helps us through our difficult times. He knows the best things for us. He wants what is best for us, but He also knows and realizes that we have our agency. So He doesn't make us do anything we don't want to do—He won't make us do anything we don't want to do. 

God blesses us and works in mysterious ways. It's hard not to jump ahead in the story sometimes, but we have to let it play out. Because sometimes it's not meant to go the way we want it to go. Sometimes it's meant to go in a different direction to help us get to the right storyline, the right path, and heading in the right direction. There's a lot that we don't know, and there's a lot that we can't control. So we just have to accept that. It's hard sometimes, but once you come to that understanding, and you are ready to move forward in your life with faith...then everything just starts to make sense, and fall into place. And sometimes you'll get a roller coaster of "Yes, this makes sense", "Um, what just happened?" "Oh, I see now", etc. And that's okay. Life isn't easy. It's not all puppies and rainbows. Sometimes there are thorns. 

One thing that I want is I want God to let me know that He understands me–that He knows what I'm going through, and He knows how I feel. I know that He does, but sometimes I just don't feel it. And I have been hoping and praying this week to feel it. And there were a couple instances, looking back, that I know He answered my prayer. I hope that I can see more answers in the upcoming weeks. 

I love my Heavenly Father so much. I am so thankful for all that He does for me. I'm so thankful for the opportunity to work at Bear Lake this summer. I know that there are things here I have to learn, or experience, and I know that I am going to grow this summer. I know that all of my coworkers are meant to be in my life right now. I'm so glad to call them my friends and I hope that we will have many more amazing adventures this summer. 

God loves you very much, and He is watching out for you every day. He knows what you are going through and He will help you through it if you ask Him.

I found this quote: "The struggle you're in today is developing the strength you need for tomorrow."  I really liked that. Everything we go through is helping prepare us for tomorrow, and the next day, and the next. Let it boost you up, and strengthen you. You'll be able to do many amazing things. I promise. 

I hope you have a great week!! I'm so excited! This next weekend I get to go home for the Fourth of July!! I'm so excited!! It'll be nice to be home for a couple of days! 

Xoxo

Mattie

Sometimes it's time to move.

I'm grateful for the chance that I have to start over each week...I just wish that I could forgive myself and move on from the past. It's hard to feel like God has forgiven me when I can't even forgive myself. I've been trying to work on forgiving myself, and loving myself completely–flaws and all. It's been difficult, and is taking time, and hasn't happened all at once, but I know that with the help of my Savior, and the support of my loved ones and close friends, I can do it. I just need to not give up, and keep going, even when I feel discouraged, and even when I make mistakes again.

One thing that stood out to me in sacrament meeting was, "Because of our Savior's Atonement, we can become whole again" (emphasis added). I really loved that statement. When we use the Atonement to be forgiven and start over, we become clean and whole, just like the day of our baptism.
One other thing that was said that I loved was, "First promptings are pure inspiration from heaven." I really loved that, and I firmly believe that that is a true statement. I am sure that I have been the answer to other people's prayers, and I know that other people have been answers to my prayer, and I am so thankful that they followed the promptings of the Spirit.

"You must learn to walk to the edge of the light, and then a few steps into the darkness; then the light will appear and show the way before you." ~Elder Harold B. Lee to Elder Boyd K. Packer soon after Elder Packer became a General Authority

I really liked this quote, and I loved the title of the article that it is from. It's called, "Move Forward in Faith", and I recently watched a video interview of the LDS singer/songwriter Calee Reed where she said, "Sometimes His timing means move now", and I absolutely LOVE this idea! Sometimes His timing means that we have to be patient, but sometimes His timing means that we have to have faith and just make a decision. He'll let us know if we make a wrong choice.

I think that we often put forth a lot of faith and hope that God will do everything for us. That if we pray for Him to do something, or give us something, that if we sit back and wait, He'll do it. 

But that isn't how He works. He has given us the gift of agency, which means that He will not force us to do anything, and He will not force anyone else to do anything, either. So when we ask Him for help, He expects us to finish praying, get up, and go out and do something. And as long as we are doing what we are supposed to be doing, we will be blessed, and we will receive the blessings that we have asked for–in due time. One of my favorite quotes of Elder Holland's is, "Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don't come until heaven; but for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come." No one is perfect–all we can do is try our best. As long as we are doing our part, God will do His.

Life is hard. I don't know about you, but I have weaknesses that I can't overcome by myself. I have trials that keep coming back because I don't always know how to deal with them, and sometimes they change into a new form. Some days, I am doing GREAT. Some days...not so much, and I can't figure out how to deal with them...I can't figure out how to get over them...I can't figure out how to get rid of them. There are lots of times, as I'm trying to work through them, where I keep forgetting something...I keep forgetting someONE. I keep forgetting my Savior. With Him, I can do ANYTHING.

Even move.

I am so thankful that my Heavenly Father has not left me alone. Sometimes He's quiet...that's another thing that Calee said in the video I shared previously. Even when you're doing everything right...reading your scriptures, going to church, going to the temple...sometimes He's quiet. But that DOESN'T mean that He's not here. That doesn't mean that He doesn't care. That doesn't mean that He isn't helping guide you. He really will let you know when you're doing something wrong, or when you go ahead with a decision that isn't right for you. And if you can't feel His love...He will send you people who do, and they will show you just how much He loves you through their actions. They will bless your life just by being themselves, and just by being in your life. They will always listen. They will always love you. They will always be there for you. And they will sometimes wake up in the middle of the night because you needed someone to talk to and God knew you needed them.

I'm grateful for my Savior, and for the love that He has for me. I'm grateful for the strength that He gives me, and for the support that He has given me. I'm grateful for my friends who support me and love me, and who always show me just how much they care for me. I'm grateful for the life that I have been given, and I'm grateful for the experiences that I've had. I'm grateful that I am not alone in this life. I don't think I could make it by myself. I am grateful for the changes that have occurred in my life, and I'm grateful for the chances that I have had to change. I am grateful for the opportunities I have to serve those around me, and I'm grateful for the times that I have had to take time and let others serve me. I am grateful for the wonderful people in my life who love me. I can't imagine my life without you! Thanks for everything you do!! 

I hope you all have an amazing week! I know that God loves you very much and He wants you to talk to Him. Remember that He is always there for you.

Xoxo

Mattie

He forces no one.

This weekend was General Conference!! I was so excited to be able to hear the messages of our prophets and leaders. I was not disappointed (never ever have I been disappointed)! I was blessed to be able to hear answers to prayers and questions that I have had, and also to questions I didn't know I had. There were some really powerful messages this weekend. I missed part of both of the Saturday sessions, so I cannot wait to read them again when they become available.

Though I loved them all, I'm going to share just a few of my favorite quotes (some may or may not be paraphrased). The bolded ones are the ones that really stood out to me. You can watch the messages or read them online when they become available at lds.org. :)

Pres. Donald L. Hallstrom:
-He allows some suffering because He knows it will bless us.

Elder Kevin R. Duncan:
-We can forgive, and we can be free.
-To forgive is not to condone.

Sister Bonnie L. Oscarson:
-It is a daily decision to choose faith over doubt.

Pres. Dieter F. Uchtdorf:
-There is no life so shattered that it cannot be restored.
-It matters not how you became lost. What matters is you are His child and He loves you.
-He will force no one to heaven. He will not rescue you if it is not your will.
-God sees us as we truly are, and He sees us worthy of rescue.

Elder Robert D. Hales:
-The Holy Ghost is not given to control us.

Elder Patrick Kearon:
-We must take a stance against intolerance.
-This moment does not define them, but our response will define us.

Elder Dallin H. Oaks:
-It is opposition that enables choice.
-Some things can only be learned by faith.

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland:
-We all have to come down from peak experiences to deal with the vicissitudes of life.
-The Lord blesses those who want to improve.
-We are to deal justly...walk humbly...and judge righteously.
-If we give our hearts to God, then tomorrow and every other day is ultimately going to be magnificent.

Again, it was an amazing weekend filled with inspired messages and I am so grateful that I was able to hear answers to my prayers and questions. I know that Thomas S. Monson is the living prophet today. I know that Joseph Smith, Jr. restored the true church to the earth. I know that Heavenly Father sent His Son to die for us. I know that Jesus Christ is our Savior, and I know that He atoned for us, and that He was resurrected for us. I know that we are loved by our Savior and our Heavenly Father. I know that the speakers this weekend were inspired by God to talk about what we most needed to hear. I am so grateful that I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and I am so grateful that I know that this is the true church, and that I know that God loves us and wants us to return to live with Him again. I also want to repeat what President Uchtdorf said about how He won't force anyone to heaven. It is your decision to listen, and to apply, and to do, and it is also your decision to turn away. He loves you, but He won't force you to be somewhere that you are not happy; He will respect your decision. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

A message about life and love. I hope.

I know I already posted today, but I need to post this. I had a headache today (shocker, I know) and I just didn't know why. And earlier today (around 4) something so extremely small happened that made me a little sad (I don't even know why; it was so stupid). And then I had a meeting about my calling, which is Compassionate Service and I was like, "Okay, it's all good when I get to pray for and serve others and be compassionate towards them, but what about when I need compassionate service?" And I hate asking people for help like that because I'm really blessed because I don't have things as bad as others. And so I decided to watch something, and I was, until like 40 minutes ago when I decided that maybe walking would help get rid of my headache. So I got up and I was looking at Facebook and one of my friends liked a post I had shared and written yesterday. I was looking at it and I was like, "Oh my gosh, I needed that!" And I almost started crying but I walked around in circles a couple times (strangely, this tactic works sometimes for different things like trying not to stress or cry. I don't know why) and decided to walk downstairs. Did you know it's really hard trying to find a private spot in a dormitory hall where there's hundreds of girls living? Like, the only private areas are the practice rooms downstairs. ANYWAY. So I decided to come downstairs, which is where I am now. And then I decided to turn on my church/inspirational playlist and read my scriptures. But when I opened my LDS library app, a song came on that made me start sobbing. I just started sobbing (and it was awful to listen to because I sob weirdly when I'm trying not to sob really loudly and so I tried not to sob so much but that just made it sound even more awful) and so I turned to the section with texts about Jesus Christ. And I read The Living Christ, or the prophets and apostles' testimony of Jesus Christ. And this song ("Take Me There" by Hilary Weeks) was just describing exactly how I felt and what I needed and wanted and it made me cry more, but as I kept reading The Living Christ my tears stopped streaming down my face. I know He lives. This world we're living in—it's getting really bad, and it's making me sad for everyone who's hurt because of bad decisions made by other people. I wish I could just wrap all of those people who are hurting in a big hug and I wish I could make it all better. But I can't. Maybe...maybe I'm supposed to serve a mission, to spread His message of love and peace. Until this moment, I never actually felt a burning desire to serve a mission. It's always been something that wasn't really a part of my plan and I thought that was it (oh gosh, here come the tears again). Maybe I need to ask God again. Maybe I need this. But I'm scared. I'm not gonna lie—the thought of serving a mission has always frightened me. I'll have to ponder on that some more, I think. ANYWAY. Back to how I wish I could wrap everyone in a big hug. I personally cannot. But because God is real, He can bless them. I know everyone is always like, "How can an all-powerful God let bad things happen? How come so many people die because of cancer, or terrorists?" First I have to say this: I'm so sad about the way that our country (and the world) is going. People aren't as trusting in or believing in God. And it's so sad to me. I know I haven't been as studious with my personal spiritual growth (weird, right? You'd think at BYU it would be easier) but I still believe in Him. I love Him, and I know that His plan is just too grand for our human brain to comprehend fully. I don't know everything but I do know that God loves us. I do know that He sent His Son—Jesus Christ, our Savior and Redeemer—to die for us. He DIED. Can you comprehend that? He did absolutely nothing wrong, and yet they crucified Him anyway. He atoned for you and He suffered for EVERYTHING. All of your pains—heartaches, afflictions, wounds, headaches, bumps, bruises, etc.—and all of your worries and stresses and He suffered for your sins. All of them. All the little ones, and all the bigger ones. He bled from every pore of His body sweat like drops of blood. He was in agony. And someone brought this to my attention today: Luke 22: 44 And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly: and his sweat was as it were great drops of blood falling down to the ground. He "prayed more earnestly". What should we do when life gets tough? Get on your knees (if you can) and pray. God doesn't always answer our prayers exactly the minute we demand an answer. Sometimes it takes awhile. But "for those who embrace the Gospel of Jesus Christ, they come" (Elder Holland). Answers and blessings will come. You just have to have faith. I know I'm just a girl from Utah and you're probably going, "Oh, what does she know?" But I am telling you: He will answer you. He will bless you, and He will help you. I promise. I don't know everything about history, or math, or science. I don't know why some people do the things they do. But people are human. We make mistakes. And we are imperfect. But I know that He loves you, regardless of your mistakes. He does not condone the sin, but He loves you and He blesses you and He sends people to you to do His work in His place because He can't personally be here. I know He lives. I know He loves you. I promise He will help you. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.