Moments.

Despite the challenges we have been facing as we try to start our family, we continue to experience moments of hope, along with moments of heartache. Some news we received this past week was not what we had hoped it would be. As a result, I have had an emotionally and spiritually draining week as I tried to deal with my emotions, connect with Heavenly Father, and figure out what is next for not only me, but our little family. My thoughts have kept turning to a few things Ricky and I are discussing for the future, and I am just so grateful for his love and support during this difficult trial.

Even when we can't find the words.

These last few months have been full of growth and personal revelation. It's hard to believe it is already April! I can't believe Ricky and I will have been married for one year in just over a month!!! It still seems like only yesterday we were just married! Time is flying by, but each and every day seems to be its own eternity, and I wouldn't change it for the world!

Last weekend, we were blessed to be able to hear from our prophet, apostles, and leaders of the Church. I am so grateful for the messages that were shared! 

I would like to share a few of the messages that rang with me last weekend. 

• "The gospel of Jesus Christ is a gospel of repentance. Because of the Savior's Atonement, His gospel provides an invitation to keep changing, growing, and becoming more pure. It is a gospel of hope, of healing, and of progress. Thus, the gospel is a message of joy!" (Welcome Message, Pres. Russell M. Nelson)
• "Because of Jesus Christ, our failures do not have to define us. They can refine us. 
• Like a musician rehearsing scales, we can see our missteps, flaws, and sins as opportunities for greater self-awareness, deeper and more honest love for others, and refinement through repentance.
• If we repent, mistakes do not disqualify us. They are part of our progress. 
• We are all infants compared to the beings of glory and grandeur we are designed to become. No mortal being advances from crawling to walking to running without frequent stumbles, bumps, and bruises. That is how we learn. 
• If we earnestly keep practicing, always striving to keep God’s commandments, and committing our efforts to repenting, enduring, and applying what we learn, line upon line, we will gather light into our souls. (God among Us, Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf)
• "To be truly life-changing, conversion to Jesus Christ must involve our whole soul and permeate every aspect of our lives. This is why it must be focused at the center of our lives—our families and homes." (Teaching in the Savior's Way, Brother Jan E. Newman)

These are just a few of the many messages that I loved from General Conference last weekend. If you have a chance, I would highly recommend reading and/or watching one conference talk each day. There are so many wonderful messages and lessons from all the leaders, and I am excited for the opportunity to study the messages in detail.

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Change is hard, but it's good to know that I am in good company, as we are all trying to grow and change for the better. Each day, I might fail, but each day is a new day full of new chances. And, as Elder Uchtdorf said in conference last weekend, "our failures do not have to define us. They can refine us." No one is perfect, but we can always try to be better.

Not only have changes been hard for me recently, but so has trying to follow God's plan for me. I don't want to go into too much detail, but I will say this: trying to follow a prompting but feeling like your efforts aren't enough is a real struggle–especially when you need to be patient. Patience is hard, but I've just got to take it one moment–one day–at a time. 

Though life is often challenging, I am grateful for my Heavenly Parents, who offer so much love and support, and who send me angels each and every day. I am grateful for my sweet and patient husband, who loves me so much and tries so very hard to make sure that our life is amazing. I am grateful for wonderful friends, who listen and empathize with me, and who love and support me–even when I don't know what to say other than, "I'm not in the best mood" or "This hurts and is hard".

I'm grateful for the words of the living prophet, through whom God speaks to us. I am grateful that He wants to speak to us! I am grateful that He wants us to talk to Him, and He wants to listen to us. I am grateful that He lets me talk to Him. I have had moments where all I could do was just cry...I poured out my heart to Him through tears...and He listened. He held me and comforted me–I could feel it, and He sent me angels when I needed them. I am so thankful that He hears me when I'm speaking to Him–even if my words are silent. Sometimes, our struggles are too personal to talk about. That is okay. We don't always need to talk about them with others. But God hears us. Even when we can't find the words. He knows. He understands. 

Happy Sunday! Hope you have a wonderful week!

Xoxo

Mattie

Thy will be done.

Yesterday was the five-year anniversary of the death of one of my dear friends. It never gets easier. I remember the day like it was yesterday. I was in high school, I was sad the whole day, and I have the greatest friends who just hugged me and let me cry. I had literally just gone to see her the previous Monday because it was Labor day and I just wanted to see her. I just spent 15 or 20 minutes with her, and I didn't really speak until the last few minutes as I told her a little about my life and then said "I love you" and "Goodbye" but oh, how I could feel her spirit, and the Spirit of the Lord!!

She was such an amazing example to me of Christlike love, and of a Christlike heart and spirit. Some days it doesn't seem real that she is gone, but she is. I am grateful for the time I had with her, and for the love she gave me, and for the happiness that she brought to the world, and to my life. She had the biggest heart and loved so much!! I still feel her every so often in life.

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This week is going to be a little crazy–I've got a lot going on–but I know that God blesses us as we put Him first, so this week I am going to do my best to put Him first, no matter what. It might be challenging, but challenges lead to growth, and that is what we are here for–to learn and grow. 

I am so blessed to be where I am right now. It might be a little stressful and overwhelming at times, but I know that God is with me and He knows who and what I need in my life. No one is perfect but they can be perfectly what I need. 

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"Thy will be done." This is a hard thing for me to accept sometimes, and I know that we all struggle with it at times. Today I was thinking during the sacrament about what kinds of things I can do to help me accept the Lord's will. One thing that I was thinking about was that as we recognize the Lord's hand in not only our life, but in the lives of those around us, we can come to see that He has a plan for each of us. He has a timeline for all of us that leads to our learning and growth. 

As we live our lives and move forward, making decisions and choices according to what we desire, and according to what the Lord would have us do, we can come to see that His will is greater than ours, and that we can come to know and understand some parts of His plan for us. This can help us to begin to try to accept those parts of His plan that we do not always understand. 

Sometimes I don't understand my path, or my weaknesses. I don't understand how they have helped me or will help me grow. And that's okay. It took me a long time to realize that. It's okay not to know why. As long as I know that my Savior is there for me, and that I am here on this Earth to help love His sheep–Heavenly Father's children–and that I am here to help increase the love in the world, I know that He will help me. As I study my scriptures, my patriarchal blessing, the talks of our Church leaders, and visit the temple, I know that the Lord will help me understand what He needs me to do. 

Life is challenging–sometimes it's more challenging than other times–but I know that God is always with me, and I know that He has a plan to help me learn and grow. 

I know that I am where I need to be right now, and I know that I am being stretched in many ways. I know that I am growing and I know that I am becoming someone who my Heavenly Father can be proud of. 

I hope you all have a great week! Know that I pray for you every day and you are always in my heart and in my thoughts! God loves you and I love you! 

Xoxo

Mattie

Sometimes it's time to move.

I'm grateful for the chance that I have to start over each week...I just wish that I could forgive myself and move on from the past. It's hard to feel like God has forgiven me when I can't even forgive myself. I've been trying to work on forgiving myself, and loving myself completely–flaws and all. It's been difficult, and is taking time, and hasn't happened all at once, but I know that with the help of my Savior, and the support of my loved ones and close friends, I can do it. I just need to not give up, and keep going, even when I feel discouraged, and even when I make mistakes again.

One thing that stood out to me in sacrament meeting was, "Because of our Savior's Atonement, we can become whole again" (emphasis added). I really loved that statement. When we use the Atonement to be forgiven and start over, we become clean and whole, just like the day of our baptism.
One other thing that was said that I loved was, "First promptings are pure inspiration from heaven." I really loved that, and I firmly believe that that is a true statement. I am sure that I have been the answer to other people's prayers, and I know that other people have been answers to my prayer, and I am so thankful that they followed the promptings of the Spirit.

"You must learn to walk to the edge of the light, and then a few steps into the darkness; then the light will appear and show the way before you." ~Elder Harold B. Lee to Elder Boyd K. Packer soon after Elder Packer became a General Authority

I really liked this quote, and I loved the title of the article that it is from. It's called, "Move Forward in Faith", and I recently watched a video interview of the LDS singer/songwriter Calee Reed where she said, "Sometimes His timing means move now", and I absolutely LOVE this idea! Sometimes His timing means that we have to be patient, but sometimes His timing means that we have to have faith and just make a decision. He'll let us know if we make a wrong choice.

I think that we often put forth a lot of faith and hope that God will do everything for us. That if we pray for Him to do something, or give us something, that if we sit back and wait, He'll do it. 

But that isn't how He works. He has given us the gift of agency, which means that He will not force us to do anything, and He will not force anyone else to do anything, either. So when we ask Him for help, He expects us to finish praying, get up, and go out and do something. And as long as we are doing what we are supposed to be doing, we will be blessed, and we will receive the blessings that we have asked for–in due time. One of my favorite quotes of Elder Holland's is, "Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don't come until heaven; but for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come." No one is perfect–all we can do is try our best. As long as we are doing our part, God will do His.

Life is hard. I don't know about you, but I have weaknesses that I can't overcome by myself. I have trials that keep coming back because I don't always know how to deal with them, and sometimes they change into a new form. Some days, I am doing GREAT. Some days...not so much, and I can't figure out how to deal with them...I can't figure out how to get over them...I can't figure out how to get rid of them. There are lots of times, as I'm trying to work through them, where I keep forgetting something...I keep forgetting someONE. I keep forgetting my Savior. With Him, I can do ANYTHING.

Even move.

I am so thankful that my Heavenly Father has not left me alone. Sometimes He's quiet...that's another thing that Calee said in the video I shared previously. Even when you're doing everything right...reading your scriptures, going to church, going to the temple...sometimes He's quiet. But that DOESN'T mean that He's not here. That doesn't mean that He doesn't care. That doesn't mean that He isn't helping guide you. He really will let you know when you're doing something wrong, or when you go ahead with a decision that isn't right for you. And if you can't feel His love...He will send you people who do, and they will show you just how much He loves you through their actions. They will bless your life just by being themselves, and just by being in your life. They will always listen. They will always love you. They will always be there for you. And they will sometimes wake up in the middle of the night because you needed someone to talk to and God knew you needed them.

I'm grateful for my Savior, and for the love that He has for me. I'm grateful for the strength that He gives me, and for the support that He has given me. I'm grateful for my friends who support me and love me, and who always show me just how much they care for me. I'm grateful for the life that I have been given, and I'm grateful for the experiences that I've had. I'm grateful that I am not alone in this life. I don't think I could make it by myself. I am grateful for the changes that have occurred in my life, and I'm grateful for the chances that I have had to change. I am grateful for the opportunities I have to serve those around me, and I'm grateful for the times that I have had to take time and let others serve me. I am grateful for the wonderful people in my life who love me. I can't imagine my life without you! Thanks for everything you do!! 

I hope you all have an amazing week! I know that God loves you very much and He wants you to talk to Him. Remember that He is always there for you.

Xoxo

Mattie

One by one.

I was reading a few articles in the Ensign during the sacrament today, and there were a few things that really stood out to me, and I'd like to share a couple of them.

The first article I read was the First Presidency Message in the July 2017 Ensign. It was given by President Henry B. Eyring, and the title of his message was, "The Reward of Enduring Well", and I loved what he talked about! He said two things that really spoke to me.

The first thing was that, "We all have trials to face–at time, very difficult trials. We know that the Lord allows us to go through trials in order for us to be polished and perfected so we can be with Him forever." I loved this! I know that sometimes it's hard to remember in the midst of trials that we're going through them in order to change us, and help us grow, but I know that as we do, we'll be able to remember to turn to the Lord, and He'll be able to help us through our trials.

President Eyring then shared the scripture that the Lord gave to Joseph Smith while he was in Liberty Jail: "My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes" (D&C 121: 7-8). I love this scripture–it's hard to remember, sometimes,  to have faith and be at peace, but I know that when I have remembered, my trials didn't go right away, but they were easier to deal with.

The second thing was that, "a loving God has not set such tests before us simply to see if we can endure difficulty but rather to see if we can endure them well and so become polished." We're here to be tested, and tried, and to see if we can endure our tests and trials well. To see if we turn to Him for help. To see if we take these trials and use them to become who the Lord knows we can become. President Eyring says, "Our trials and our difficulties give us the opportunity to learn and grow, and they may even change our very nature. If we can to turn the Savior in our extremity, our souls can be polished as we endure." (Which is basically what I said prior to that quote. We're on the same page, President Eyring and I)

The second article that I read was the Visiting Teaching Message for this month, but I really liked this one quote from Elder Christofferson, who reminds us that "as we endeavor day by day and week by week to follow the path of Christ, our spirit asserts its preeminence, the battle within subsides, and temptations cease to trouble." Sister Neill F. Marriott also shared a quote I loved from The Living Christ: "His way is the path that leads to happiness in the life and eternal life in the world to come." I loved these quotes. As we follow Christ, our goodness increases, as does our determination to do right, and our temptations decrease/cease to cause trouble. His way is the best path to happiness.

The messages that I received from reading these articles today were ones that I really needed to hear. I'm grateful that I felt impressed to read the Ensign during the sacrament today.

I am really looking forward to tonight. There is a fireside that our choir is singing at, and we are singing "One by One" which is an amazing song and I am so excited! It sounds so beautiful! (Also I am one of the soloists and that's exciting. I'm actually the last one, which is extremely exciting but also tremendously terrifying. I will live, however, and those two instances of alliteration will help) I can't wait to share the message of the song with those in attendance! I hope that we are able to share the message with at least one person who really needs it. After choir practice today, we were talking about the messages of the song, and one of my friends said something that I really loved. She said that, even though this church is an all-encompassing one, full of people, the gospel really is a personal gospel. It is different for each of us. I loved that. Jesus Christ suffered for us all, but He also suffered for us personally. He administers to us one by one. Each of our needs and circumstances are different, but He still helps, blesses, loves, and heals us one by one.

I am so grateful for the message of the song "One by One", and for the promptings I received during the sacrament today. I'm grateful for my Savior, and for all that He has done, and all that He does, for me.

Xoxo
Mattie

Jesus Christ, Only Begotten Son.

To be honest, it was only recently that I understood the term "Only Begotten Son", and it was thanks to my brother. Before we came to Earth, we lived in Heaven as spirit sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father. Jesus Christ was our Elder Brother. When we came to Earth, we received a body of flesh and blood from our Earthly parents. Jesus Christ is the Only Begotten Son of our Father in Heaven—He was born of a mortal mother, Mary, and an immortal father—our Heavenly Father. He is the Only Begotten Son—meaning He is the only literal Son of our Heavenly Father. This is an important name because if Jesus had just been born of a mortal mother and a mortal father, then He couldn't have atoned for our sins and afflictions because He'd be mortal, like us, and wouldn't have been able to handle it. But He was born of His mortal mother, Mary, and of His immortal father, Heavenly Father. He wasn't just a human—he was an immortal God who chose to accept His part in The Plan of Happiness and die for us so that we could come to Him in our time of need and so that we didn't have to pay for our sins and afflictions. I'm grateful for His love and sacrifice for me, and I'm grateful for the prompting I had from the Spirit to focus on Jesus Christ this month because I am learning so much more about Him. :)