When we act, we are blessed.

What a crazy week it has been! Working on some last-minute homework, final projects, and prepping for the musical fireside tonight...it's been busy. But I've made it. I just have to finish up with the fireside and then start prepping for finals! I'm super nervous!! But I think it will be fine...I just have to stay focused and motivated.
There's a lot of things I'm going through/have been going through lately that have been really difficult, but as I've turned to my Savior, things have been better...I still have tons to work on...I have a lot to change to do better...and sometimes I still feel like I'm failing, and just taking steps backwards...but I know that as I am diligent in my personal scripture studies, life will go a lot smoother.

Church today was really insightful. I learned a lot...and I realized a lot...and I know what I need to work on in my life.

I wrote this thing down in my notebook during sacrament meeting that I originally wasn't going to share...but I feel the need to.

I am a human.I have flaws.
I have weaknesses.
I have strengths.
I have times that I win my battles.
I have times that I lose them.
Overcoming temptation is hard and sometimes seems impossible. Sometimes it seems like I will never fully be able to overcome. I wish I could just QUIT but it's not that easy...it's taking me more time than I would really like.
During class later, I was thinking about something. One of my favorite things that I learned in conference was to trust God's timing. I don't know why this is something that I have been struggling with for a long time...and I am not going to lie, sometimes I feel helpless. Sometimes I feel like I am too far gone and that I will never be able to get back on the right path. Sometimes I feel like I will never get over it and that I will never get to be where I want to be, and where I know God wants me to and knows that I can be.But I hope and pray that as I am diligent in my scripture study, I will be able to have the help and hand of the Lord in my life.
I know that Heavenly Father loves me and forgives me when I repent...He has such faith in me. I am so grateful for that...I love Him so much and I wish that I could be the girl He sees. I wish that I could be the daughter that He deserves. I'm trying so hard, but sometimes I feel like I will never be that girl. 

I had a lot of personal realizations today. And it was hard. But...I've come so far. Even with my setbacks...and my steps backwards...I have come so far. It's hard to see sometimes...especially when I make mistakes...but luckily God gave me the best roommates. They see me for who I am, and they help me remember who I am, and whose I am. They love me so much and I don't know what I would do without them. They are exactly who I needed and I can't imagine my life without them. They remind me of my worth, my attributes, my strengths, my blessings. I am a completely different person today than I was before I met them. They have honestly changed my life, and I am forever grateful to them for that.

There is no one who is without problems. Some are more visible than others. And some are more personal than others. But no matter what–God will always, always, always, always love you. He will always be there for you. And He will make sure you have the opportunities you need to learn, and grow, and change, and become who He knows you can become.

I'm not sure what lies in store for me in the future...and it sometimes frightens me. I wish I knew what I am supposed to be learning through this extended trial. But I do know this: that no matter what, I can always turn to my Heavenly Father...and I can always turn to the people in my life. When I need them...they will be there.

I've set some new goals for this upcoming week, and I am hopeful that things will go well! One day at a time...I can do hard things. I don't know what's ahead...but I am stepping into the darkness with faith that, in time, I will know.

I just need to let Him in, and act. When we act, we are blessed. That is my plan this week. I am going to act. And I am going to stay strong. And I am going to do what He has asked me to do. And I am going to remember that I AM NOT MY MISTAKES. My mistakes do not define my worth. My worth just is–there is no changing it.

I am brave. I am bruised. I am capable. I am loved. I am a daughter of God. I am WORTH IT.

Xoxo
Mattie

Focus and remember.

I've got a lot I have to do in the next couple of days before Thanksgiving Break. My professors (at least two of them) decided to have everything due the day before break. And of course I work late both Monday and Tuesday since Tuesday is a Friday schedule, and I'm really worried I won't get my assignments done/turned, or my test taken. But I just need to be patient, take things one at a time and go slow. And, of course, ask my Heavenly Father for help. As long as I focus, and work hard, I think I will be fine. It's just a matter of finding my focus. Well, actually, I know my focus: it's my Savior. I just need to remember to focus on His help, and trust in Him, and do my part to work hard. He will bless me. I know He will. I just need to focus and remember.

Something that Sister DeVincent said in her talk in sacrament meeting today really stood out to me. She said, the Lord blesses those who want to improve.  I loved that! When you have a desire to improve, He'll help you.

Brother DeVincent said that as you keep the commandments, God will bless you as He says. It might take some time, but He will bless you.

In temple prep we talked about the blessings of the temple, and one thing that the Bushmans said was that going to the temple blesses us and brings us closer to the Spirit, and to our Heavenly Father. You'll never regret going to the temple.

In Relief Society, we talked about missionary work, and the main thing we talked about was loving them. Don't preach, don't tear down, or whatever. Just love them. Be yourself. Live the way you live, and answer questions they have. But don't force it on them. Just love them. When they're ready, they'll be able to move forward. We also talked about how we need to be living our lives in such a way that God can use us an instrument in His hands and to help move His work forward.

I am so happy for the things that I learned today! It was a relaxing day!

I'm so excited! The choir sang in sacrament meeting today and it was SO GOOD!! I am SO pleased with the way that the number turned out! We sang "For the Beauty of the Earth" and it was so pretty!! And now we get to focus on our Christmas music for the fireside in three weeks! Eee! Three weeks! That's so far away and yet, so close!! I'm super excited! The numbers are coming along nicely and I am just super ecstatic for the fireside! It's going to be really fun and spiritual! I can't wait!!

Hope you have a fun and safe week! Travel safely, for those traveling for Thanksgiving. Enjoy your time with family and friends. :)

Xoxo
Mattie